In and Out
"Breathe in", Naj La said, pressing a chilly stethoscope against Zuko's naked back. "Now out."
"I'm fine", Zuko grumbled, though he obeyed after his uncle, standing by the infirmary door, gave him a big, encouraging smile. "Nothing, right? The fever's gone!"
"Sit up straight", the doctor said implacably. "In. Out."
Zuko finished the silly exercise with an annoyed snort. "I can't stay here forever, you know."
"I don't see the Watch throwing you out", she replied. "Your lungs sound clear."
"There was never anything wrong with them! I had a fever. It's gone. Can I go home now?"
"Patience, nephew. We must be assured of your recovery. You do not wish to waste the good doctor's efforts on your behalf, do you?"
"No", Zuko replied. Even he could tell he sounded ungrateful, though, so he muttered "Sorry", to Naj La.
Who didn't act like she'd even noticed their exchange. "Steady heartbeat. Good." She moved to his front to tip his head up toward the light hung from the ceiling. He'd already noticed the stones almost completely lacked the sickly green color of most such lights and wistfully wondered at their cost. "Open wide."
"There's nothing wrong with my mouth!"
"Shut up and open wide." She was annoyingly unperturbed. He glared up at her while she peered into his mouth. She straightened. "Look up", she said. "Left. Right. Down. Now cross your eyes."
"You're being ridiculous!"
"Merely silly", she replied, deadpan. "You seem to be recovering despite your complete inability to relax."
"I've relaxed plenty!"
"Between cleaning a three story building and cross city sprints." She frowned him into silence and said, "I'm letting you return to work, mostly because you've found more ways to exhaust yourself here than you did at home."
"You see my problem", Iroh said, spreading his arms. "I find it difficult to scold my nephew for doing too much because he only seeks to do what is right. How can I discourage him?"
The doctor gave him a sharp look. "Try."
Zuko almost laughed at his uncle's expression. How often was somebody immune to Iroh's charm?
#############
The shop was relatively clean when he returned to work the next day. Zuko had decided early on that at least half the reason the shop had been scraping by when Pao hired them had been the man's shoddy housekeeping. Could anyone brew good tea in a pot still stained with the remains of old brewings? Pao and Uncle had kept the front up pretty well, although Zuko could see dust in the corners and up high. In line with Iroh's usual priorities, the brewing area was immaculate. Zuko settled for spot-cleaning the neglected areas before opening. He was under orders and it wasn't that bad, he told himself.
Mornings were normally hectic, but today was surreal. While the shop was frequently busy since word got out about "Mushi's" skill with tea, it seemed like everyone they'd ever seen in Pao's had decided to come in. And for some crazed reason the regulars were all determined to serve themselves! No wonder Pao wanted a wait staff, Zuko found himself thinking. This is chaos! Hard as he tried to make people sit down, relax, and wait to be served, they kept telling him to take it easy!
Today was more tiring than the first day he'd ever worked, when he'd had no idea what he was doing and less idea how to deal with strangers. Then Gan and Hui came in. The older guard took one look around the room and raised his voice to say, "We are about to clear this establishment! If you don't want to see that happen, sit down by the count of five. One, two..." The customers had all returned to their seats before he finished. "Good. How're you doing, Li?"
"Fine", Zuko said, struggling between embarrassment and relief. Gan hadn't even lowered his voice so people wouldn't hear. "The tables are full, but we put a few stools by the counter. Sorry."
"Why? It's closer to the tea", Hui said, giving his shoulder a friendly squeeze as he passed.
Gan paused to look him over. "You don't look like you're taking it easy."
"Do you when you're working? I'll take a break when it's quieter. The doctor gave me these medicines I have to take with meals, so I'll have to take my lunch break. Did you want your usual?" At Gan's nod, he said, "Sencha it is. Hui, how about you? Uncle says we have a new blend, very earthy, grown in the southeast hills."
"Sounds good."
By the time Jet came by, he felt a lot calmer. They went out to the alley like no time had passed at all. Zuko had packed a lunch for Jet, unsure but hoping he'd come. His friend accepted it with a grin, but the expression looked forced. Zuko felt his heart sink. They'd never felt awkward when they talked, not even the first time he'd thrown caution aside and confessed who he was. Has he decided we can't be friends? Maybe he thinks I'd be uncomfortable. Embarrassed or jumpy.
"You're probably tired already", Jet said, eating more slowly than usual, like he was savoring a last meal. Their last meal.
"Not too tired", Zuko replied, straightening to look more energetic. "Why? Did you want to do something later?"
"I have to", Jet said soberly. Maybe Zuko couldn't hide his dread, because Jet reached over to push the hair from his face and said, "We're friends no matter what, remember? Until and unless you can't stand me any more."
That should have made Zuko laugh, but there wasn't a trace of Jet's cocky humor. The Freedom Fighter looked sad. How could I not stand him? What my family's done, all he's lost; his home and family, he just decided not to blame me for it. He cares more about me than my sister does!
Jet lowered his hand with obvious reluctance and Zuko wished again that he could lie or really feel the way Jet felt for him. Shouldn't the universe be fair that way? In all the world, only Uncle Iroh cared as much about him. Shouldn't that feeling be rewarded by being returned?
"We've got to talk tonight. It's important. I know you're still recovering and you'll be tired, but..."
"I'm fine. Even if I wasn't, important's important. Should we meet right after work?"
"Yeah." Hesitating, Jet lowered his head in thought, then looked up to catch his eyes. "Just one time?"
There was a plea in his expression, and expected grief, so visible it made Zuko hurt inside. He nodded. His friend leaned in to kiss him, slowly and with great tenderness, touching only lips to lips. The usual panic didn't strike. He wasn't being surprised. Didn't feel trapped. And this was Jet. It was safe. He just hoped it wasn't goodby.
After work they went to the Avatar's zoo. It wouldn't close till nearly curfew, so they could explore for a couple of hours. It bought some time before a conversation both were dreading for different reasons. "I've come here at night", Zuko told Jet, meaning late, on roof running nights. Of course Jet understood, so Zuko continued, "Not many people see the nocturnal species because they leave by sunset. This early we'll see them waking up. Have you ever seen a panda-bat?"
""Never", Jet said, obviously playing along.
"Nothing should be that cute. If they were up during the day the zoo would have visitors trying to steal them all the time. Even I was tempted to break into their enclosure to cuddle one."
Jet grinned. "Like that's surprising. Smellerbee said you've got a weakness for animals. I should've noticed myself. You always offer delivery critters a drink before their handlers."
"People get offered drinks all the time. Animals get forgotten."
Jet's smile softened as they watched the bicolored charmers awaken and begin to feed. Panda-bats were fruit bats and sometimes bamboo eaters, so they moved among a makeshift orchard of potted plants, slim bamboo and young trees. Zuko supposed that even the Avatar couldn't make plants grow at his whim. He rested a hand on the mesh keeping them from escaping into the city, where they'd be declared a nuisance pretty quickly once they went after the produce stalls. Even if they were adorable, a mirror image of the huge regular pandas he'd seen once on his travels. Their small black bodies had a white band that crossed their torsos and bordered their wings. Their large triangular ears were also white and their small dark eyes were made larger by wide white rings. One had come over to examine the hand laying against the mesh. It sniffed him, maybe picking up a hint of tea or his lunch. Sweet oranges had served as dessert. It flew off after deciding Zuko's fingers weren't some exotic fruit. He and Jet shared a grin at the little creature's disappointment.
It was getting late. Attendants were calling out, letting visitors know that the zoo was closing soon. Curfew was less than an hour away. "We can give it a little longer", Jet said.
Feeling his smile fade a bit, Zuko nodded. Not long after, he guided Jet toward a different entrance than the one they'd used before, one of the smaller side ones. He had a place in mind to talk, not far away. They could look down on the zoo and its illusion of open nature. It wasn't the kind of forest Jet might have found comfort in, but they didn't have those in Ba Sing Se. They were both refugees. They knew how to make do.
The buildings on this block were old and ornate, easy to scale, mostly converted from their original purposes. The one they climbed was still a theater, though, a little run down but still open. He'd wanted to save money for tickets so they could go sometime, him, Jet and the others. The plays he'd attended as a boy hadn't always been good even if Mother had loved going, but it had been fun. He and Azula had whispered to each other about the hammy performances, the silly costumes, the incredibly bad dialogue, and laughed as quietly as they could. That was a long time ago. Azula laughed at other things now, things their mother would have hated her doing. Before coming to Ba Sing Se, Zuko had all but forgotten how to laugh at all.
Even if I didn't owe the doctor and now the herbalist, too, I don't think we'll get to do it. Maybe they'll go without me. That afternoon I talked to Longshot, he seemed really interested. He hasn't gone in a long time, either. He said Jet and Smellerbee have never been to a play at all. Maybe he'll talk them into it.
He had to stop depressing himself, so he told Jet, "A lot of these buildings used to be embassies."
"Really?" Jet said, joining him on the sloping roof. There were decorative statues along the edge, mostly downspouts for channeling rain. Zuko crouched, resting his knees against a surprisingly accurate air bison, depicted arrow and all. Jet settled next to him, but rested his feet against it and sat straight-legged. Close as they were, they wouldn't be looking one another in the eye as they talked. He dwelt on his breathing until Jet was ready. Knowing the worst was coming was no reason to inflict his misery on him.
I understand. I'll tell him I understand, he thought. Then Jet started to speak and it wasn't about them at all.
"My Freedom Fighters and I came to Ba Sing Se to start over", he said, "but we still wanted to make a difference. I thought we could make this city better, maybe convince the people in charge to see that the war affects everyone, even behind these walls."
"I know", Zuko said, but wasn't sure Jet even heard him as he continued.
"I told you about the Movement, maybe not their name but how they impressed me. They had goals. They were making plans. First we put out fliers. Longshot or Smellerbee let you know, right?"
"Yes. They came and told me. I saw a few before they got taken down." He paused, but they'd always tried to be honest with each other. "A couple were kind of... excessive. They could be read as inciting insurrection. You don't want enemies that powerful, Jet. I'm talking from experience."
"I haven't antagonized Long Feng personally, yet", Jet said with an attempted chuckle. Zuko kept silent, encouraging him to continue. Jet sighed. "I never should have stayed away. Smellerbee told me you'd have made me listen. Too late now."
Zuko's nerves were being replaced by something worse. Concern. He'd had a rough week, but something terrible had happened to his friend. Friends, he was beginning to fear. "Why too late? What happened, Jet?"
"They had plans", Jet repeated, "talked about taking action. Not just fliers. Concrete protests against the bad guys, the ones who treat their own people like they're disposable. Like those factory owners."
A horrible thought tried to surface but Zuko rejected it. Jet might be hotheaded, but he wasn't stupid. He'd know the danger of arson in an enclosed city. He looked back at Jet but the Freedom Fighter wouldn't meet his eyes. Zuko looked back down at the peaceful zoo and waited.
"If it had just been me and my Freedom Fighters it would've worked", Jet said wearily. "If we'd waited and brought you in... I wish we had, Zuko, I really do. There were seven of us. We planned to do some damage, leave some messages, that's all. Spread the word that people are sick of being abused and won't put up with it much longer. Things need to change."
They do, Zuko thought, but what did you do, Jet? He fought a wild urge to yell at him to just finish, to say it out loud. Please let me be wrong. I'm usually wrong.
"I didn't take charge. I should have. This guy Kono was supposed to be our leader. The porcupine hounds almost made him wet himself."
Zuko began calming, meditative breaths, knowing the gist of the rest. He wasn't sure he wanted the details. "Is he the one that crippled Sifu?" he asked like the glutton for punishment he was. "Who left him to burn to death?"
"Sifu? That's Master, right? Or teacher. One of those."
He avoided answering, Zuko noted. "The others always followed his lead. He was brave. Very fierce until you earned his trust." Such a dignified creature, Zuko recalled, until his tongue rolled out of his mouth in canine pleasure when his long, velvety ears were stroked.
Jet muttered a curse that sounded self directed. "We weren't that patient. I decided to lure them out, then shut the gate on them. It worked, too. Only they got back in while we were wrecking the equipment in the building. We opened the door to leave and there it was. Open gate. If we'd worked together, watched each other's backs, we could've gotten out, shut the gate and gone. It opened inward. They couldn't have pulled it open. Nobody hurt. No dead animals. No fire."
"How did it start?" Zuko asked, controlling his voice with an effort.
"A couple of the guys panicked. Ran back into the factory. One of the others, there's something wrong with her! She wanted to fight them. Only not..."
"She wanted to hurt them."
"I think so. Yeah."
"I know someone like that."
On a different night, during any other conversation, Jet would have asked him who, then listened to his stories about Azula, and turtleducks, and why their mother had finally declared that they could have no pets. Not tonight. Instead, he continued in a condemned man's hopeless tone. "I decided to lure them into the factory so we could escape. The little one's leg was hurt and the bitch was cut, but she could still fight and the big one wasn't backing down."
"He was protecting his pack. Their home."
"I know. Brick; I know it's a dumb name, a fake name, he still won't tell us the real one, won't trust us; came running back in. He'd wrapped a greasy rag around one of the crowbars and lit it on fire. He drove the big... He drove Sifu back, hit him with the bar. We ran out but Dagger- How could I think some crazy girl who named herself after a weapon could be reliable? We never should've brought her. Dagger grabbed the torch and threw it back inside. You know how dirty that place was. Grease and wood shavings. It went up so fast, Zuko. And the water tap was inside the supply closet at the back. We couldn't even try to fight it."
A part of Zuko noticed that Jet knew he'd been there but dismissed it. Smellerbee had been Jet's friend first. She'd have seen no reason to keep Zuko's visits to the factory zone from him. Besides, his next question was so much more important, even as he kept telling himself, Just an animal, as if that phrase had ever worked. It hadn't. Not for burned bunnycats or turtleducks torn from their shell. Not for Sifu. "Tell me you put him down. Tell me you didn't leave him alive and helpless to burn."
"I promised myself I wouldn't lie to you", Jet said hoarsely.
He didn't turn because his face was wet. Watching the moonlight's reflection in a tiny pond below them, he replied, "Please lie."
Silence, then Jet said, "I wish I could, but you need to hear the truth. I know you'll hate me. I couldn't go back in. Even if I wasn't too scared even to try, Smellerbee needed me. She got in Dagger's way and...She needed me."
"Smellerbee's hurt?" Zuko felt cold, then the anger rushed in to warm him. Even he was disturbed by the snarl in his voice when he said, "Tell me all of it."
"It was bad. Dagger was acting wild so Bee knocked her out, but they must've dropped their guards. She stabbed her with a prybar. Even the sharper end's not really sharp and Bee's stomach was all torn up. Me and Longshot and one of the others brought her to Katara but she was out fighting the fire with Aang. We had to wait. Sokka ran for a doctor and she cleaned Smellerbee's wound and stitched it. I think that's the only reason she was alive when they got back. She's still weak."
Zuko turned, still crouching, to look at his friend's miserable face. Seeing the guilt there helped him fight down the anger. "How bad is it? Will she recover? Was anyone else hurt?"
"No, but I screwed up so bad, Zuko. We're stuck. Kono and Kem Tong, the leaders, their only problem with the other night is that nobody knows it was a message. They want more crazy "actions"-that's what they call them. The violent stuff'll be "dynamic actions"."
Any other night, Zuko would have scoffed at the silly nomenclature. Tonight, he fought another surge of rage. "They want to cause more fires?"
"I haven't been given any orders yet, not more than, "Be ready and come when you're called. Or else."
Jet's voice cracked on the last words, reminding Zuko what he'd said moments ago. "How are you stuck? What have they done, Jet?"
The other boy looked at him, meeting his eyes for the first time in this conversation, looking as surprised as he did grateful. "They've rigged some evidence. The siblings'll be safe, but they'll hand the rest of us over to the Dai Li without hesitation. Maybe not Dagger", he said with a bitter chuckle. "They seem to think they can use her. Channel her craziness somehow."
Zuko snorted, thinking again of his sister. "Good luck to them."
Silence fell as Zuko absorbed what he'd been told. He still couldn't believe his friends had been so foolish, especially Jet. Wasn't he the one who assessed the risks before leading the others into battle? Who decided what wasn't safe? Had he lowered his guard because these were his own people instead of the enemy?
He's smarter than that, Zuko thought, but his conscience added, He must be so tired. The Freedom Fighters didn't start as any resistance, just a bunch of hungry, terrified children who looked to Jet because he knew the woods and a little more than they did about staying alive. Only he was a kid, too. And when he and the others came here, it's different from anything they've known. They're bright enough to see where Ba Sing Se is warped, but how could they know how to fix it? I don't have any master plan, either! So when they met someone who had plans, who was persuasive, maybe Jet felt like he didn't have to be a leader for once.
Remembering those terrifying weeks after his father took the crown, when it sank in that he was first born and heir and had to become smarter, wiser, stronger, better, he could imagine Jet feeling a similar weight with his Freedom Fighters, even if he had chosen to bear it. We're the same age. He pretty much played parent to a bunch of orphans when he was a kid himself. I couldn't have done it. I'd have been one of the kids who looked up to him, hopefully one that could help him like Longshot and Smellerbee do. It must have been so hard for him.
"They're extorting you", he said quietly. "Even if you wanted out of the group they won't allow it."
"Yeah. I know it's my own fault", Jet said bitterly. "I should've been more cautious, should've gotten your opinion before we got in so deep."
That startled a laugh out of him. "Me? I am the world's greatest master of bad decision making, Jet. I swam into the Northern Water Tribe's capitol with no escape plan except "Capture the Avatar somehow and then get out-somehow."
Jet actually laughed, and in the midst of this awful conversation. "I hope this isn't a competition."
"Just a warning. I wouldn't ask me for advice."
"I would. I am. Me, Longshot and Smellerbee are stuck but we don't want to help these guys destroy anything. Or hurt people. They won't care if that happens. How can we sabotage them without them turning us in?"
"You, Longshot and Smellerbee? I'm not one of you now?" Zuko asked, standing to confront the other boy, steep roof or not.
Jet shifted aside a bit. "That's probably not safe. Maybe you should sit back down."
"That's my decision, isn't it?" Zuko snapped, scowling. "I'm not one of you, right? Not a real Freedom Fighter? You wanted me in. Now you actually need my help so you're throwing me out? That's not acceptable, Jet. Those lunatics need to be stopped."
"They do but they have connections. It's dangerous to get involved in this. You know that, right?" Jet's words were a warning, but he had a grin on his face that Zuko couldn't glare away. In fact, it broadened. "You're sure? I thought you'd hate us forever. At least me."
"We can trade screw-ups sometime if it's that important", Zuko said, "but you and the others are the first real friends I've ever had and I know you had the best of intentions." He needed to get off of this emotional stuff. He was still angry but he'd take it out on Jet if they ever got to spar. For now they had more important priorities. "Did you ask about bringing me in? Tell them about me?"
"I planned to but things got complicated and I wasn't sure you'd, you know."
"Friends no matter what. You said so!"
"For me. I kept thinking you might not want to have me around", Jet replied. "Then you got sick and called Kono an idiot, which he really didn't like, so I thought I'd need time to smooth things over if you did want to join."
Zuko could feel himself smile, though it probably looked more like a catgator welcoming clumsy prey into its jaws. "They don't know you've got a man on the outside, then. Let's keep it that way. If you give me information I can interfere with any violent actions, make it look like a bad time to act or sabotage whatever they're trying to do. If smaller, nonviolent actions slip by, and stuff like fliers, they might not catch on that there's someone acting against them."
"The factory wasn't supposed to get violent."
Taking a deep breath, Zuko paced the roof's edge, eliciting a worried noise from Jet. "Tell me about potential actions so I can scout the area. If we know about possible problems we can think of solutions in advance."
"They'll catch on eventually."
"I intend to shut your Movement down before that can happen."
"Not mine, Zuko", Jet said grimly. "I figured that out too late but believe me, the Freedom Fighters are with you all the way."
He sounded like he was swearing an oath, Zuko thought. Maybe they both had. He squatted, resting a hand on his friend's shoulder. "We both need some rest. Are you working tomorrow, too?"
"At the warehouse. I should be done by midday."
"Come by after for lunch, then. We'll talk more."