The Music in my Soul Chapter 25, a divergent trilogy fanfic

A/N: Hello all my loyal and amazing readers. I am so very sorry for my disappearing act. I did not mean to leave ya'll hanging like that, but life does have a way of getting in the way of my writing. Senior year of college has proven to be insanely busy and for some odd reason I decided to have a social life, so my writing what put on the backburner. I don't think I can even express how sorry I am for taking this long to update. I can't promise that I will get back on updating often seeing as my life is going to be crazy since I am graduating in May, but I will try my best to get updates up. Please hang in there and I know ya'll will if you truly love this story as much as I do. Now, please enjoy this chapter. Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent because Veronica Roth does. I also do not own Unbroken by Demi Lovato or Your Guarding Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

Chapter 25

(Tris' POV)

It has been a little over two weeks since the disaster that was Valentine's Day. Tobias has tried apologizing more times than I can possibly count. He called and texted me probably close to a hundred times the day after it happened, but I ignored him. I didn't want anything to do with him that day. I spent the whole day curled up in bed, crying. Christina was so worried about me. She even threatened to go kill Tobias for what he did, but I didn't want that.

Ignoring his phone calls and texts was easy, but when I had to go back to the studio, things got a lot harder. Tobias cornered me the first chance he got. He apologized and tried explaining what happened, but I didn't really listen. All I cared about was getting away from him. For the first time, I was actually a little scared by him. After I didn't say anything for a while, he finally let me go about my day. That didn't stop him from trying every chance he got to get me to forgive him.

These past few weeks I have gotten a bouquet of a dozen sunflowers, every, single day. I got ten different letters explaining how sorry he is and explain what happened. I refused to read them so Christina read them and told me what they said. None of them really made me feel any better or want to forgive him. Everything he sent or did, I just ignored. None of it was real. It was all some ploy to get me to forgive him, but I don't know if I can.

He did something that he knew would hurt me. He knows I am not ready for that step. Shit, he even told me that he was okay with waiting. I should have seen right through his bull shit, but I guess I was blinded by love. I wanted to believe that he was this sweet, nice guy that loves me so much that I couldn't see that he was lying. He was just saying what I wanted to hear so that when it did get heated between us I would feel more comfortable taking the next step. That, I can't forgive. I may love him, but I can't forgive him playing me like that.

This weekend is his birthday party. Max is throwing it, so that means I am being forced to go. Everyone in the world still thinks Tobias and I are a happy, madly in love couple, and that is how Max wants it to stay. That means, I have to play the happy, in love girlfriend. I don't know if I can do that, the happy part, not the in love part.

(~~**~~)

"Tris, you have a visitor." Shauna says into the mic, interrupting my concentration on my new song. I turn my head enough to see Tobias standing next to Shauna through the glass. He looks horrible. His eyes have dark circles under them, his hair is a mess, and his cloths look like they have been in the dirty cloths hamper for a month. Shit, is he this messed up because of me?

"Hey," Tobias tentatively says, keeping his eyes glued on the ground.

"Hi, did you need something?" I ask, trying to sound a little less annoyed than I feel.

"I was just wondering…umm…my party tomorrow. We are still going together, right?" Tobias questions, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Yes," I simply reply. I notice the corner of his mouth twitch a little, almost like he was about to smile, but he catches himself.

"Oh, okay, good." Tobias replies, a hint of relief in his voice.

"But let's get one thing straight. Just because we are going together does not mean I have forgiven you. Max said I have to go and play the happy, in love girlfriend and that is what I am doing. Nothing more." I state bluntly.

"I understand. I guess I will see you there. Bye." Tobias replies defeated before practically run out of the room.

"Seriously Tris, that was harsh." Shauna states through the mic.

"Trust me that was nice compared to what I really wanted to say." I reply annoyed.

"Tris, I know what he did was messed up, but don't you think it is time to forgive him. Or maybe you should just break up with him. You saw what he looked like. This is slowly destroying him and you just stringing him along, giving him hope that you will forgive him because you haven't dumped him yet is not fair. Either forgive him or dump him." Shauna states matter-of-factly.

"It isn't that simple." I shout in frustration.

"Why not?" Shauna asks confused.

"Because I love him and don't want to lose him. But at the same time, I am scared that he is going to hurt me like this again. I can't be in another relationship were I am constantly scared of getting hurt." I explain, my eyes starting to sting from the growing tears.

"Tris, have you even heard a single word that boy has said to you over these past three weeks? Do you not see what this is doing to him? He knows he hurt you and he feels worse than awful about it. He loves you so much and would never hurt you like that again. He really is sorry for what he did. And he is nothing like Peter." Shauna replies reassuringly.

"I know he isn't Peter. I just, can't shake this being scared thing. I know he is sorry, but that doesn't change what he did." I state, running my hands down my face in frustration.

"Tris, you love him. Just talk to him about what you are feeling. Maybe once you two actually talk everything out, you can forgive him or at least get back to being happy together. Whatever the outcome, you two need to talk." Shauna replies matter-of-factly before leaving me alone.

(~~**~~)

"Four, Tris, look this way." Reporters and photographers shout as Tobias and I walk down the red carpet to enter the party.

"Let's get a kiss from the happy couple." One reporter shouts, causing me to tense up a little.

"I understand if you don't want to kiss me right now." Tobias sullenly whispers in my ear.

"We have to play the happy couple." I reluctantly whisper back. I turn slightly so I can see his face and am shocked by how sad he looks. I knew that he was not handling this situation well, but I haven't really looked past his physical appearance. I can see it in his eyes now just how tormented he is by what happened. His eyes have lost their natural sparkle and are a murky blue color, like when a storm is rolling over the ocean.

"Kiss," Some reporter yells, snapping me out of my daze. I lift my chin slightly and let Tobias lean down to give me a soft kiss. It doesn't last long and I can feel his hesitation and fear.

"Okay, that is all you are getting. These two have a party to go enjoy." Max calls out from the end of the carpet, ushering Tobias and I inside.

"I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I didn't know what else to do." Tobias states nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

"It was fine." I simply reply.

"Okay." Tobias states, giving me a small smile.

"Well, enjoy your party." I reply before walking off towards Christina.

"You too." I hear Tobias call after me, but I don't acknowledge it.

"Hey, how did it go?" Christina asks once I reach her.

"I don't know. I think maybe I've been too hard on him." I timidly reply.

"Wait, what?" Christina questions, practically spitting out her drink in surprise.

"When we were out there, I actually looked at him. His eyes are so dull and sad, and when he kissed me…I could feel just how scared he was about kissing me. He is really torn up about this whole situation." I explain.

"So does that mean you are going to forgive him?" Christina asks curiously.

"I don't know if I can forgive him, but I think I can try to move past it." I reply uncertain.

"Tris, you are needed on stage." Shauna says from behind me, causing me to jump a little.

"Already?" I question.

"Yes, and remember you are supposed to be madly in love." Shauna states bitterly.

"Yeah, I know." I bite back annoyed, rolling my eyes at her.

"Okay everyone, we have a very special treat for the birthday boy. If everyone could please turn to the stage." The DJ announces, causing the whole crowd to stop what they are doing and look towards the stage.

"Hi everyone," I state as I walk onto the stage. A few people start to cheer and I hear a few 'awes'. "As everyone knows, we are here to celebrate a very special person's birthday, my boyfriend Four." I continue, as a spot light gets placed on Tobias so everyone can see him. I tense up a little at what I see. He is surrounded by at least six girls, in very tiny dresses, one of which is sitting on his lap.

"I am up here to give Four his present. I have always been horrible at giving gifts, so I normally turn to the one thing I am good at, music. So I decided to write a song about how much Four means to me. This is for you." I explain, trying to stay calm. I know we are having issues, but that doesn't give him a free pass to be with other girls like that.

Locked up tight
Like I would never feel again
Stuck in some kind of love prison
And threw away the key, oh, oh

Terrified
Until I stare into your eyes
It made me start to realize
The possibilities, so, so

I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken
I'm gonna say it like it's never been spoken
Tonight, tonight, I'm letting go, go, go, go
I'm gonna give it like it's never been taken
I'm gonna fall like, I don't need saving
Tonight, tonight I'm letting go, go, go, go

I finally decide to glance back over at Tobias, and the girl on his lap, from what I can tell, is kissing his neck. I can feel my blood start to boil. He isn't even pushing her off, and it looks like he is enjoying it.

So played out
The same lies with a different face
But there's something in the words you say
That makes it all feel so real

I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken
I'm gonna say it like it's never been spoken
Tonight, tonight, I'm letting go, go, go, go
I'm gonna give it like it's never been taken
I'm gonna fall, like I don't need saving
Tonight, tonight I'm letting go, go, go

At this point, I am supposed to walk out into the crowd to sing right to Tobias, but I can't move from my spot. He hasn't paid attention to me this whole time and he is basically cheating on me, in public. I can't believe what an ass he is being. He is the one that screwed up, not me. So why the hell am I the one being punished? Screw him, and screw this relationship. I am done.

No need for me to run, run, run
You're making me believe in everything
No need to go and hide, hide, hide
Gonna give you every little piece of me

I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken
I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken

I'm gonna love you like I've never been broken
I'm gonna say it like it's never been spoken
Tonight, tonight, I'm letting go, go, go, go
I'm gonna give it like it's never been taken
I'm gonna fall, like I don't need saving
Tonight, tonight, I'm letting go, go, go, go

"Happy birthday Four. I love you." I say with a fake smile, blowing a kiss towards him, which he doesn't even acknowledge. I calmly walk off the stage, so no one notices the tears starting to slip out of my eyes, and make my way outside.

(~~**~~)

(Tobias' POV)

I haven't seen Tris since out entrance, and at this point, I'm too buzzed to even care. A part of me knows that I should be gravelling and convincing her to forgive me, but tonight is my night. This party is all for me. These people, okay maybe not all these people, are here for me. These girls surrounding me, they are sure as hell here for me. I know I shouldn't be flirting or encouraging them, but maybe if I make Tris jealous she will forgive me.

"Okay everyone, we have a very special treat for the birthday boy. If everyone could please turn to the stage." The DJ announces, causing the whole crowd, and me, to stop what they are doing and look towards the stage.

"Hi everyone," Tris states as she walks onto the stage. I get a little excited to finally see her, but I already know what is about to happen. I watched her rehearse this yesterday, so I know now is the perfect opportunity to really make her jealous.

As everyone knows, we are here to celebrate a very special person's birthday, my boyfriend Four." Tris continues, as a spot light blinds me. I pull one of the girls closer to me, and she takes the initiative to sit on my lap. I know this will drive Tris crazy.

Tris starts singing, and even though I have already heard the song, I can't help but get lost in the lyrics. I still don't understand why she loves someone as screwed up as me. I am a major asshole who only cares about himself. Okay, maybe that isn't so true anymore. I care way more about Tris than myself now. That is why I am trying this whole jealous thing. I am even letting this girl make out with my neck while the love of my life is serenading me.

"Happy birthday Four. I love you." Tris says with a smile, blowing a kiss towards me, which I don't acknowledge to push my jealous point. I watch her walk off the stage and that is when I notice it, I single tear slip from her right eye.

Holy shit! I am such a major asshole. What the hell was I thinking? This isn't going to work at getting her back. This is only going to piss her off more. Ugh, I am such a moron.

I shove the girl off my lap and rush towards where I assume Tris exited, but I am stopped by Max and some industry people who want to talk.

With each passing minute, I can practically feel my chances of fixing my relationship with Tris dying. I am so screwed.

(~~**~~)

(Tris' POV)

"Tris, are you out here?" I hear Zeke call from down the ally. I wipe my nose and attempt to hide the fact that I was just balling my eyes out.

"Over here." I call out weakly, my voice betraying me.

"Hey, are you okay? You rushed off the stage crazy fast and Shauna said she thought you were crying when you came off." Zeke explains as he joins me.

"Why do you care? Shouldn't you be inside celebrating your best friend and helping him handle all those girls?" I bite out bitterly. I know Zeke really does care about me, but right now I am too pissed off at Tobias and Zeke is here for me to lash out on.

"Tris, we both know that I care about you like a little sis, so of course I came looking. Plus, I know you and Four have been fighting, and as his best friend I felt like I should try to fix things." Zeke explains.

"I don't think there is any fixing this. He is basically in there cheating on me with all those sluts. He doesn't give a shit about this relationship, so why hell should I?" I shout angrily.

"Tris, what exactly happened on Valentine's Day? Four won't tell me, but I know something bad happened." Zeke questions cautiously.

"I'm surprised he hasn't been bragging about his big conquest for everyone to hear." I bite out, rolling my eyes in annoyance.

"Wait, did you two have sex?" Zeke asks shocked.

"Fuck no!" I shout.

"Then what do you mean by conquest?" Zeke asks even more confused now.

"It wasn't really a conquest see as I stopped him, but in his screwed up head I am sure he thought of it that way." I explain vaguely.

"Tris, I am seriously lost here. Please just explain what happened." Zeke pleads a little.

"He kind of…sort of…forced…himself…"I stammer out, not knowing what to say.

"He did what?" Zeke shouts, the rage clear in his voice. He starts pacing and I can see his hands balling into fists at his sides.

"He didn't do anything. I stopped him before anything happened, but he tried and wouldn't listen." I explain, hoping to calm Zeke down some.

"I can't believe he would fucking do that. I know he likes to use sex as a distraction form his problems, but I never would have thought that he would force it on a girl. I mean, he never really had any girl say no before, so I highly doubt that he has ever done this before, but I never thought he would. Especially with you. He loves you and would never do anything to hurt you, but obviously he did, and I can't believe he did this. I didn't think Marcus had gotten to him that much that he would go that far. God, if I could I would kill that man with my bare hands. He is such a fucking asshole and he just can't stop destroying Four's life." Zeke rants, most of which I don't comprehend.

"Wait, what does Marcus have to do with this?" I ask confused. Zeke stops pacing and looks at me.

"Nothing, I shouldn't have said anything. I am sorry this happened. I will talk to him." Zeke says, turning to walk away. I reach out and grab his arm, pulling him back.

"Zeke, what the hell does Marcus have to do with this? Did he hurt Four somehow? I didn't even think they talked to each other." I ask worried. I have been so preoccupied with my own issues to not even think that something major was going on with Tobias. I mean, I knew something was off with him, but he didn't seem like it was because of Marcus.

"Tris, I wish I could tell you but Four would kill me. He doesn't want you to know." Zeke states.

"Screw what Four wants. If Marcus has done something to hurt Four, I have a right to know. Especially since it seems that whatever he did made Four do what he did. Now, tell me what the fuck happened." I demand.

"Fine, Four had a run in with Marcus at the Grammy's. Marcus being Marcus had to make some snide comments about Four and how he is not good enough, and some other things along those lines. I know it seems like nothing and that Four should have handled it better, but Marcus has this way of getting into Four's head. Marcus knows just what buttons to press and he does it with ease." Zeke explains.

"Damn it. Why the hell didn't he tell me this? I asked him what was going on and he just brushed it off like no big deal. I should have kept pressing. He needed me and I just gave up. God, I am such a horrible girlfriend." I ramble out, completely disgusted with myself and Marcus.

"Tris, don't beat yourself up about this. Four doesn't like to talk about Marcus. I had to get him drunk for him to tell me what happened. But none of this excuses what he did to you." Zeke states.

"Zeke, yes it doesn't excuse his behavior, but it does make his behavior make sense. I can't believe I have been being ignoring him and he has needed me. I need to go fix this. I need him to know that we are going to be okay and that I love him and that I will always be here for him. I need…I know just what I need. Can you get the guys together? I have a song in mind that will get everything across to Four." I ramble, trying to process everything.

"Yeah, I can do that. But are you sure that you can forgive him for what happened?" Zeke asks concerned.

"I don't think I am going to forgive him for what he did, but I am going to give him a second chance. No go get the guys." I say, shoving him away as I go in search of my bag.

(~~**~~)

"Hey guys, I know I was already up here, but I have a surprise for ya'll." I say into the microphone. The crowd turns to look as Zeke, Uriah, and Will join me on stage.

"I asked Zeke, Uriah, and Will here to help me with a very special song. I know I sang something early for Four, but some new things have come to light since then and I have something I really need Four to hear. I just hope he doesn't hate me for stealing one of his songs, because I love him more than anything in the world. This is called 'Your Guarding Angel'." I explain. I catch Tobias walking towards the stage stop dead in his tracks when he hears the title of the song. I smile, knowing that he knows exactly what this song means.

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm stronger I've figured out

How this world turns cold
And breaks through my soul
And I know, I'll find deep inside me
I can be the one

I watch as Tobias walks towards the stage and up the steps, stopping on the side to grab something from a stage hand.

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven

He joins me on stage, and I reach out to cup his cheek with my hand, singing the next part right to him. He leans into the touch and a giant smile spreads across his face.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay

Seasons are changing and waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you, I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven

Tobias and I are in our own little world by this point, that it surprises me when he pulls a microphone out of nowhere and joins me in singing.

'Cause you're my, you're my
You're my-y-y-y
My true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away

'Cause I'm here for you
Please don't walk away
And please tell me, you'll stay

Stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know, I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven

As the song ends, Tobias pulls me in for an intense kiss. I can feel everything in this kiss. I can feel how much we love each other, how much we care about each other, and how much we never want to hurt the other again.

We are pulled out of our own little world when we hear Max talking over the speakers.

"Thank you so much Tris and Four for that amazing surprise. Thank you to everyone who came tonight, please enjoy the rest of the party." Max says, gesturing towards us before ushering us off the stage.

"That was amazing. When did you two work that out?" Max asks excitedly.

"It just kind of happened." Zeke explains from behind us, knowing that Tobias and I really need some alone time right now.

"Well no matter how or why it happened, I want it recorded first thing on Monday. This is going to be gold." Max states, dollar signs practically flashing in his eyes.

"Wait, what?" Tobias asks stunned.

"I want you and Tris to record that song. We will release it as a special single and we have to shoot a video, and fast, and…" Max starts rambling on.

"No. I am not recording that song." Tobias states firmly, cutting Max off.

"Excuse me? Last time I checked I decided what you do or don't record. I want that song and I want it Monday. No complaining or fighting." Max replies authoritative.

"Max, that song is not meant to be a duet. It is meant to be song by someone who can portray all the emotion in it, and while I wrote it, I think Tris is the one who can get that emotion across. So no, I won't be recording that song because Tris will, and only Tris." Tobias explains.

"Four, no. That is your song. I could never take your song like that. If anyone is going to record it, it is going to be you." I reply, slightly shocked.

"Tris, I wrote that song about you and for you. I could never get the emotion behind that song across like you can. You clearly proved that just a few minutes ago. I want you to record it, by yourself. It would make me so happy if you would record it." Tobias explains sweetly.

"Okay, but you and the guys have to play to music. No arguing." I reply firmly.

"I think that could be arranged." Tobias replies with a smirk, leaning down to give me a sweet kiss.

"Great, sounds good to me. Tris, I want the song by the end of day Monday." Max states, before turning and walking off.

"Well we will leave you two alone now." Zeke speaks up, ushering all of our friends away from us.

"Tobias," I start, but he places his finger over my lips to shush me.

"Tris, you don't have to say anything. I am the one who screwed up big time, and you deserve so much better than me. I understand if you want to end things or if you hate me. I would hate me, but please know that I love you more than anything in this world. I would do anything for you. So please, if you can find it in you to-" Tobias starts explaining, his voice pleading with me, but I cut him off with a giant kiss.

"Tobias, I love you. Yes, I am mad about what you did, and I probably will be for a while, but I don't want this to end. Zeke told me about what happened with Marcus, and don't even think about getting mad at Zeke because he saved your ass on this one by telling me. I understand that Marcus can get into your head, but when he does that you need to talk to me about it. Don't bottle it up and don't push me away, and do not try to use sex to distract yourself. I love you Tobias, and I want you to be able to talk to me about anything. Please don't ever shut me out again." I state sweetly but firm.

"Tris, I love you so much. I don't understand how you put up with me, but I promise to never do anything this stupid again. I also promise that if Marcus pops up again I will talk to you about it." Tobias replies mater-of-factly.

"Sounds good. Now can we go back to your place? I am exhausted and I really would like to cuddle up in bed with the man I love." I asks sweetly.

"Of course love." Tobias replies, leaning down to give me a loving kiss before we head out.