A/:N This is not a new story. Just something I posted not long ago, deleted but can't exactly throw away so I just decided to drop it here.

Don't mind this if you already read this before. To those who have yet to read, enjoy! :D

25. Irreversible

The first time I met her, I was sixteen. College freshman.

Despite the fact that she was half of the size of most of the students in the university, she still managed to stand out of the crowd.

She wasn't a barbie-doll type of beauty, but she certainly had her unique charm. She was smart, could always put up a very good argument. Far from other girls, she was unsophisticated. Headstrong was one of the best words to describe her; reckless even.

She was amazing, and even she knew it. No, she wasn't arrogant, just confident.

xx

I wasn't the type to believe in love, let alone love at first sight. But that woman, extraordinary that she was, broke my resolve which I thought was unshakable.

"Name's Kurosaki Karin. The rest about me is already for me to know and for you, guys, to find out."

Hearing her voice for the first time, seeing her grin, I knew it then that I, Hitsugaya Toushirou, was doomed.

"I hope we all get along. Just don't do something stupid, and I assure you, we're cool."

"Wow, she really is something," I heard someone whisper.

So after all, I wasn't the only one who thought she was interesting.

xx

Half-attention on lecturer. The other half on the woman sitting in front of me.

Even a meter apart, I could still smell the lovely scent of her hair, tempting me to tug the few strands which fell out of her messy ponytail bun.

Yes, I was a hopeless case.

xx

"Hitsugaya Toushirou, right?"

I looked up, surprised to see her sitting across my desk.

"Uh," I said dumbly.

"I was wondering..." She looked uncertain; I wondered why. "If you can... Uhm, actually, I am having a hard time in our Math subject... And if you can..."

I bit back a grin. I never thought I'd see the time when the fiery Kurosaki woman would act so fidgety.

"Sure," I cut her off, knowing where her admission was going.

"Huh?" The mix of confusion and surprise on her face was priceless. It just made her more endearing.

I shrugged. "Weren't you going to ask me to tutor you? So sure, I can help you."

She beamed. I saw that coming.

But I surely wasn't expecting her to suddenly jump and hug me. "Thank you! Thank you, Toushirou!"

Kami, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

xx

"For the best tutor in world," she said, grinning and handing me a cup of mint flavored ice cream, "Thank you, Toush. I wouldn't have passed the exam had it not for you."

"I told you to stop calling me that." Despite my effort to feign irritated, I could still feel myself helplessly smiling. Karin's smile was really contagious. "And, don't mention it. After all, you took the exam all by yourself and passed it."

She laughed. I just realized I could get used to hearing that everyday.

"Ever the humble person, aren't we? I like that about you."

My breathing just momentarily stopped.

"And your generosity. I still haven't paid the ice creams, by the way."

xx

We'd grown closer since then. We'd learnt a lot of things about each other.

She'd become my best friend, my confidant, but even then I didn't let her know how I felt for her. I was afraid that if I did tell her, it was going to put our friendship in peril.

"Have you ever liked a girl?"

"Yeah."

"What is she like?"

"Amazing."

I heard her scoff. "Details, Toush, I need details. Is she beautiful?"

"Definitely."

"Is that the reason you like her?"

"What's this? A Twenty Questions Game?"

She smacked me. "Just answer me."

Defeated, I sighed. "No, I don't like her because she's beautiful. She's beautiful because I like her."

Karin gave me a strange look. "Wow, Toush, you have it bad."

Indeed. I had it bad.

xx

We had our first serious fight. She punched my left eye. It bruised.

Damn, that woman could really hit.

I was supposed to get mad at her, right? But no. If anything, I just fell in-love with her the more.

"Sorry, Toush, I didn't mean to give you a shiner. Though, it looks good on you."

I glared at her. She smiled sheepishly.

"Okay fine. Kidding aside, Toush. I'm sorry."

I didn't say anything. I wasn't going to give in soon.

"Toush, don't be like that." She tried a more adorable tone. At the same time, she gently hugged my arms. "You know I really am sorry. Sorry. Please? Please? Please?"

I looked at her eyes. Big mistake. I was helpless where those eyes were concerned.

I sighed. "You know I hate it when you do that," I told her, referring to her child-like expression.

She grinned. "You know you love it."

Boy was she right.

xx

"So, is this a goodbye?"

Parting was inevitable.

Graduation day. My last chance to confess to her.

"Uh, Toushirou, is there something that you wanna tell me?"

"Yes." I love you.

"Then shoot."

"Thank you for everything, Karin. You definitely gave a meaning to my college life."

She smiled softly. "I'll miss you, Toushirou," she said, hugging me. "Thank you for being my best friend."

So I was an idiot. I was a coward for keeping the truth bottled up.

I just hoped someday, my feelings would reach her.

If and when that 'someday' would still come.

xx

Six years. After all those times of no contacts to each other, I thought I won't see Karin again. Well, I didn't, but I heard her voice over the telephone.

"Yo, Toushirou."

The feeling, I thought was gone, came back in an instant.

"Karin."

"The one and only." I could hear the grin on her voice.

As the surprise wore off, I managed to say, "Hey. What's up?"

"Same ol', same ol'. So, Toushirou, remember when you played a music for me?"

"Uh-huh. What about it?"

"I just thought you had a beautiful voice."

I chuckled. "Oh yeah?"

"No kidding. Actually, that's the reason I looked up for your number and called you."

"Just to tell me that?"

"No, you silly. I want to invite you to sing."

"On a special occasion?"

"Yes. On my wedding."

My wedding. It was as if a bucket of iced water was poured on my whole body.

"Your wedding?" I asked, hoping that I heard it wrong.

"Yes, Toushirou, I want you to come and sing on my wedding day."

I was shaking, in-denial about what I'd heard. "S-sorry, Karin, b-but I can't go."

"Huh." Disappointment was on her voice. "Are you busy, nowadays?"

"N-no. It's just that... I don't want to go."

"You don't want to go? C'mon, Toushirou, don't give me that excuse. If you don't go just because you don't want to, I'll be upset at you."

That was it. Whether I chose to not go and keep the reason for myself, or tell her the whole truth, she would be upset anyway.

I took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"Karin, do you really want to know the reason why I don't want to go?"

"Yes."

"Because I loved you. I still do. I don't think I can't stand seeing you getting married to another man. I'm sorry."

Silence.

One minute.

Two minutes.

Three minutes.

"Karin, say something."

Still, no reply.

Four minutes.

Five minutes.

"Fine. If you're not going to say anything, just hang up."

She didn't hang up, nor did she say anything.

I didn't hang up either, because I actually wanted to hear her reaction.

"Karin..."

"Toushirou," she said finally, "you should have told me that before. I'd been waiting to hear it from you then. Why just now? It's... You're too late."

And she hung up.

Only then, everything dawned on me. Karin loved me, was hoping to be loved by me in return.

But I didn't do anything. I didn't say anything.

I finally told her the truth.

But it was too late.

xx

What if I did confess to her when we were in college? What if I did take the risk?

Perhaps, I'd known earlier that she also felt the same. Perhaps, we've been together now. Perhaps, I will be the man to wait for her at the end of the aisle. On our wedding day.

But that's it. Just all 'perhaps.'

If only I can bring back the time. If only I have the ability to set everything in a counterclock. If only I will be given a second chance.

If only... If only...

...

A/N: Inspired by a true to life story. Just want to mention that. xD