A Secret Admirer: The Stalking of Severus Snape

Note: Charon is Snape's owl who appears in most of my fics. He has been raised by Snape and adheres to Slytherin values.

Chapter 25: The Laundry List

"…and then there was Norman…red hair…cute smile…excellent quidditch player…a keeper. Too bad he was more in love with the quaffle than me."

"Sheridan. He raced brooms for money. I guess you could say the bad boy with a heart of gold type. He slept with his broom. I never called him again."

"Edward was my date for the holiday dance at the Welsh Wizarding Academy. He never spoke once through all seven years of school. He merely pointed at the invitation, I nodded, and we ended up attending together. He was a very talented wizard…non-verbal spells. But he kept reaching out to touch a lock of my hair and then he would slap his own hand away. Aurora, it never went anywhere. I never heard from him again. Or maybe I did and couldn't hear him.

"Byron, George, Rupert, Elliot…the list goes on," said Septima morosely.

"I have no luck," she sighed.

"As do I," offered Aurora. "As one Potions Master never fails to remind us…were you ever in love, Septima?"

"Yes. Once…well, I think so. We were both young…things didn't work out but we still cared about each other a lot…back at school."

"Maybe it just wasn't meant to be," said Aurora knowingly.

"I guess you are right. I believe it's possible," said Septima.

"There are other fish in the sea," Aurora proclaimed to her friend, sounding a bit old-fashioned but so caring nonetheless.

"True, but it bothers me, Aurora. I have never really been serious with anyone, never proposed to, yet it turns out I have been engaged and it only lasted a few hours. And it happened to be to…Severus Snape," whimpered Septima in defeat."

"Oh, Septima, stop! I can't bear to hear it! Or even think on it anymore.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. And now I've upset myself," said Septima as she brushed her eyes with her hand.

"Stop the tears, please, Mia. Everything will be alright. Now, who are the red roses from?"

"I don't know. No message this time, just the whole admirer thing."

"What about the second box? The black velvet cloak?" inquired Aurora suspiciously.

"…didn't even have a note enclosed."

"Strange," said Aurora, raising an eyebrow."

"I know."

"Maybe we should consult our favorite owl?" said Aurora.

"Maybe we should…maybe we will."

The OWLERY… two owls were communicating….

"Dear, oh, Merlin, are you really two perches away in the owlery? Like, I had no idea." Grace, the tawny owl, was startled.

"So, you never noticed me?" asked Charon, Snape's personal owl.

"No, sorry," replied Grace.

"Pity…how about when I took that owl in the racing duel a month ago? That was me, you must remember," inquired Charon.

"No."

"Do you have any idea who my master is?" asked Charon, a bit puffed up.

"Sorry, should I?" asked Grace puzzled.

Charon took a deep breath and tried to quell his impatience. Was she daft? He was starting to sound like Snape. Well, he was his owner after all.

He had had his eyes on Grace for months. She was a very attractive owl.

Most unfortunate…she was as dumb as niffler dung.

Grace addressed Charon again. "So, what is your name again? Karen, is it? That's a nice name, but isn't it a girl's name?"

"NO!" spluttered Charon defensively. C-H-A-R-O-N, not K-A-R-E-N! Charon was a figure in Classical Greek mythology," retorted Charon sharply. "My master is well-read and reads a lot in his spare time."

This had happened to Charon several times in his youth. He was very sensitive about it, and rued the day his master, Snape, picked out a name for him.

Charon left out the part that his master, Snape, had a lot of spare time.

"What's Greek mythology?" asked Grace.

Charon rolled his yellow, owl eyes. "Er, nice to finally meet you, Grace, I, er, have to get going. I must report for duty.

"Oh, ok, bye then," Grace turned and swooped off to her owner.

Charon knew her owner was a mere Hufflepuff, but this was clearly ridiculous. Charon couldn't believe his luck…or lack of it. He needed to avoid his master more often. He believed his bad luck with females was now affecting his own life.

He was positive when he looked up to see the two dunderheads Vector and Sinistra approaching him.

Well, he was sure they were going to make him go with them to Snape's office to go off on another harpy tirade. Charon would just tune them out when he got to his perch in his master's office, but not before delivering the latest piece of parchment to his master from the admirer.

I'm enamored

With your pale skin, oh so light!

Like a dying man

Charon had to admit that the admirer's haikus were getting creepier and creepier.

Well, it was just creepy period that anyone would send someone haikus of all things!

Yes, he did have bad luck, but not nearly as bad as Snape!