Chapter 24

Forgiveness. What Olivia has learned through this journey that is uniquely her own, is the guilt she's carried around like the heaviest burden in the world, has stunted her. It has left her paralyzed to make decisions, tough decisions, about her own life. The self-assured fixer has never been able to step back and look at her own "big picture" objectively.

It's not something she can or will admit to anyone else, but the only way to move beyond the guilt is to forgive, to embrace, to love herself fully. And before, when she walked around blindly not believing the lies her life was built upon, but not knowing the truth either, she could do none of those things. It's the peeling back, the learning, the examining and investigating that has opened past wounds and now she can see them scabbing over. She can see and feel herself healing.

As she struts through OPA, toward her office, she is unburdened. A smile tickles the corners of her lips and this, this is genuine. It doesn't mean her problems have been solved, not by a long shot, but it means she can finally close the chapter on that part of her life.

She drops her purse on the sofa in her office, turns on the televisions and waits for Huck to come and see her. She knows he will, but it will be on his own time. She never pushes him, and vice versa, which is why their relationship works so well.

She gets lost in her thoughts about what she's going to do next in her life. The divorce Fitz is so determined to get, is still moving forward full throttle. Her reputation has taken a hit and continues to take hits, but she's still the best at what she does. There are always scandals and she will always be needed, but she wonders if she has enough left in her to continue doing it.

Her thoughts are interrupted by the feeling of another presence in the doorway. Huck watches her, waiting expectantly for her to say something to him. He doesn't know much about Rowan, and that's what worries him. The lies she was undoubtedly told by her father. He's scared. He's ready for her to tell him how disappointed she is. How she expected more from him.

Instead she says in a quiet, friendly voice, "Huck, have a seat."

And he does, but he sits on the sofa. It's less formal that way. Forces them to sit side-by-side and that's what Olivia knows about him, he wants the closeness. He's opening himself up, saying he's sorry. He needs human contact, he needs to feel loved. It's intimate and not in a sexual way, but in a broken, need-someone-to-help-take-away-the-pain kind of way.

"I'm not mad." She watches him exhale, visibly relieved. "I need to thank you."

His head snaps toward her. "For what?"

"Taking care of me. Now, it's my turn to take care of you. What do you need?"

"Your forgiveness."

"You already have that. What else?" She expects him to say he needs his family or needs another assignment, anything but the words that come out of his mouth.

"I need you to be happy, Olivia."

There it is. All this time he's seen past her carefully crafted facade. He's seen and sees the woman drowning in sorrow and he's let her be. Without judgment. Without pity. She knows what he's not saying and silently thanks him for it.

Olivia has never been happy. Not really. There have been moments with Fitz, but there's always been the nagging feeling in the back of her head that they couldn't last and because of that, she's never completely happy with him. She could never be secure in them because there was Mellie and Cyrus and the American people. The three legged pedestal and if one of those legs broke, if one of them discovered the truth, their lives would come crashing down.

Leg one came crashing down the day Mellie, in her own way, confronted Olivia about her relationship with Fitz. It wasn't condemnation or a "You stay away from my man," response that any other woman would have, it was a "You do your part and I'll do mine" reaction.

Mellie always knew how to manipulate her. So she knew that Olivia's guilt would get to her and she would walk away. Olivia did just that, breaking both of their hearts in the process.

Leg number two was more like a slow fall, a steady hacking away until it no longer existed. Cyrus, like Mellie, knew how to manipulate Olivia and Fitz. He played just the right notes, bringing her in when he needed something, pushing her out when she became a "threat to the republic."

Leg number three was the most painful for her and not because it damaged her reputation, because it damaged him. Leg number three could have destroyed both of them, but instead of driving them apart it's brought them closer together. Solidified them as a couple because it really was them against the world.

Now, the pedestal has completely collapsed and she's still standing. Stronger than ever and happiness no longer seems like it's a dream for others. It's a possibility for her.

"I'm trying Huck," she says after some time. "I'm trying to be happy."

"What are you going to do?"

"About?"

"Everything."

"I'm still figuring it out."

They sit next to each other in silence. Neither is aware of how much time has passed until they hear a soft knock on the door. "I'll get back to work."

Olivia nods as Huck leaves the office and Abby steps inside, closing the door behind her. Abby just stands there, not sure about the timing and the words she wants to use. Not confident at all. But Olivia gives her a warm smile that says "it's okay", so Abby steps off the fence and walks closer to the desk, finally sitting across from her boss; her friend.

She looks at Olivia, really looks at her and maybe for the first time, she sees her as a woman. Not the woman who saved her or the fixer, or the President's girlfriend; she sees her complex, imperfect friend. Even when they were in law school together, there was a kind of dark cloud that followed Olivia, a veil that allowed her to hide. It's something that has served her well thus far, but today, it's different.

Abby has learned so much from Olivia, especially the past couple of weeks. By her own admission, she is judgmental. Though the world in which they operate is various shades of grey, she's always managed to think she occupied the moral high ground. Even when Olivia was outed, it was judgement that she raced to make. The word whore, though never spoke allowed, certainly crossed her mind. Home wrecker is another.

Here's the thing: Olivia has never claimed she was perfect. The white hat is more metaphorical than literal, especially given their line of work. Sure, they can always aspire to be on the right side of morality, but it's aspirational more than anything. And sometimes, morality doesn't pay the bills.

Olivia, whose mind races a million miles a minute and whose body usually isn't far behind, waits patiently for Abby to speak. "You remember when I first met Charles and you told me there was something about him, but you just couldn't put your finger on it?"

"Yes."

"I thought you were jealous. You couldn't stand to see me happy."

Olivia is tempted to interrupt, but lets Abby continue. "So, when he put his hands on me the first time, the first thing I thought was, 'Liv was right.' I never thought he would change. The yelling and screaming and drinking; I knew who he was. And I was ashamed."

"Abby, none of what he did to you was your fault. None of it."

"I know that now, but there was so much shame, Liv. When you found out, you wouldn't let it go on and I've owed you ever since. I've been your Gladiator because you were mine. I haven't always been the best friend, and for that I am sorry."

"Abby-"

"No, Liv. I've been a bitch and I've been bitter and angry, and you didn't deserve it. We all do the best we can, right?"

"Right."

"Whatever you decide you need from me, I'll do it. No questions asked."

Olivia's apartment is a welcome sight. It's warm. Inviting. Perhaps she's seeing it through new eyes, but it feels like an actual home, embracing her as she enters, dragging her luggage behind.

She drops her keys on the table next to the door and plans an evening at home with her most expensive bottle of wine and a bowl of popcorn. It's been an emotional few days and all she wants is to unwind. Let her mind go blank, wander even, as she contemplates her next moves.

Olivia has always believed that everything happens for a reason. The pain, the pleasure, the challenges all lead to a better understanding of you. So, who would she have been if her life's journey had been different? Most importantly, would she have met Fitz?

It all goes back to him. Her journey, without him, would never have been worth it. That she can admit freely. Just thinking of him makes her heart flutter.

She glances at the clock. It's too early to call him. He's probably sitting in the Oval, feet propped up on his desk, reading the latest intelligence report on domestic threats.

She's waiting for him to call, and sure enough, just after midnight, her burner phone rings. She cannot contain the huge smile that spreads across her face as she answers. "Hi."

"Hi. I heard it went well."

"It did. Thank you."

"For what?"

"Come on, I know you had the area swept and kept eyes on me at all times."

"And there was a sharp shooter."

"It's nice to have friends in high places."

"Is that all we are?"

"We're so much more than that."

It always surprises Fitz when Olivia is open with her emotions. He knows how hard it is for her to admit her affection, so when she says things like that, it means so much more. He closes his eyes and savors her words.

"How was your day?"

"Fine. The lawyers met. She's fighting, but what else is new? She has no cards to play."

"No, she doesn't. And public opinion has turned against her."

"Thanks to you."

"No, thanks to the American people. Hang in there, Fitz."

"Can you?"

"I can. I will."

They talk late into the night about everything they can think of, neither wanting the conversation to end. And when it's time to say goodnight, they know there will be challenges moving forward, but they also know, with absolutely certainty, they will meet those challenges together. When he says goodnight and tells her he loves her, she really hears his words, absorbs them, believes them. And when she says it back, she says it with all the emotion she has, putting her soul into it because he is her everything. He is her soulmate.