Author's notes: Thank you to Jane Doe51, wolfhound159, MissDonnie, tea and jisbon and guest for your reviews for the last chapter, I really appreciate your support. And thanks to all the silent readers also. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Teresa closes her eyes at his words. Weariness overwhelms her. Everything she's been through, first Patrick's injury, the stress and worry of waiting to know if she still had a husband. She did and then she didn't as he didn't remember her, their children, their life. Now the crash, her surgery, her pain, wearing her down, and Austin, above all Austin. Her lovely, daring, funny little boy, who makes her laugh, who asks questions about everything, who loves life with an energy she struggles to keep up with. He's pale and so very still, he could be lost to her forever. She feels tears behind her lashes and she hears Patricksay her name.
As she opens her eyes to look at him, the tears fall on to her cheeks. She can see the pain still there on his face, the horror in his eyes at the memories unleashed on him, mixed with exhaustion, she can also see the concern, concern for her. But instead of making her feel better it deflates her more. A part of her wants to help him, comfort him, a part wants to be angry, angry that he's back in the past, back with guilt and everything that brings with it. But everything just fizzles out in to nothing,
She' aware of Patrick moving towards her.
"No Patrick, leave me alone. "
She shakes her head again.
" I'm sorry, I can't deal with this. "
She feels more tears and hates herself for being weak.
" Go wait in Austin's room, I'll be there soon. "
Patrick stops in his tracks.
" Just go Patrick. "
He stares at her for a moment and then slips out the door. It opens almost immediately and a nurse takes one look at Teresa and is at her side. She hands her a tissue and sits down beside her, waiting as Teresa dries her eyes. Teresa turns to her with a weak smile.
'Thank you. I'm sorry. "
The nurse looks at her kindly. She's large woman and her eyes and smile instantly put Teresa at ease in a way unfamiliar to her.
" There's no need to apologise, you're dealing with a lot. Your son should be back on the ward in about half an hour and I will come and get you personally."
"Thank you again."
"It's no problem honey. You're looking strained, it's surprising how moving floors can take it out of you. Get some rest while you're waiting for Austin to return."
The nurse's kindness has her tearing up again and as she wipes at her eyes the nurse pats her arm.
"I have ears built for listening to all sorts of stuff. It might help you feel better. "
Teresa looks towards the door.
" I was very mean to my husband, who's going through a very difficult time and needs me. I may have pushed him away for good. "
" This is a stressful time for families, and he should be thinking of you. You're the one in the hospital bed. I'm sure he'll realise that and be back. "
That makes Teresa sit up with a start.
" Be back? Are you saying he's gone? "
" He was heading for the elevators, he's probably getting some fresh air. He'll be back, a father that devoted won't abandon his son. "
Teresa looks at the kind woman, despair in her eyes.
" He was shot in the head a few weeks ago. He doesn't remember me or his children. He woke up thinking he was still with his wife and daughter who were killed over fifteen years ago. We came back to California to visit their graves and he just told me he remembers finding them and he felt guilty, said he didn't deserve us and... and I pushed him away, I couldn't deal with it'"
"It sounds like you were fighting a battle long before you ended up in this hospital bed, no wonder you're exhausted and finding it difficult to cope. Don't be hard on yourself, I bet you've been dealing with it all by yourself. But not anymore it's my job to look after you and I will.
Horror hits Teresa at what the woman may mean and begins to protest but the nurse cuts her off.
"Don't worry yourself. Now rest some and I'll be back for you when Austin returns."
The nurse is opening the door before Teresa can collect herself to protest some more. She hears her call to her colleagues as the nurse closes the door.
"Janet I'll be back in a few minutes, we have a rogue husband. "
Teresa slumps against the pillows afraid of what might happen, but there is a spark of hope that her newfound ally might do some good.
As luck would have it, it doesn't take long for the nurse to find Patrick. A man like him turns heads and is memorable. She finds him on the roof looking over the city. He turns at the sound of her shoes on the cement, gives her a glance and turns back to the view. He's surprised when she parks herself next to him. He looks back at her and remembers her from the ward.
"Is Austin back already? "
She shakes her head.
" No, not yet. I'm here for another reason."
Panic registers in his eyes.
"Has something happened to Teresa?"
"No, she's fine. At least as fine as anyone can be with all she's going through, and a husband causing her more stress than she needs. "
Patrick keeps his gaze on the city view as her words cause a jolt of pain and guilt to spasm through his body, adding to his confusion. When he left her hospital room he had every intention of walking out of the hospital and never coming back, but inexplicably he found the elevator doors opening on to the roof and he's spent the time trying to make sense of the thoughts and feelings colliding with one another.
He understands clearly now why Angela and Charlotte are gone, how brutally they were murdered and his part in their deaths. When he arrived on the roof he cried for them, for himself, the pain in his chest feeling like his heart was being torn in to pieces. Images of his darling girls from their life together, playing out in his head, mixed with images of ravaged bodies, lifeless eyes and lots of blood.
Thoughts of jumping off the roof, soaring weightlessly towards Angela and Charlotte, before plummeting to his death flooded his mind but as he stared out at the city he found his feet cemented to the floor, he couldn't lift them up and place them over the barrier. As he tried to force himself, but he knows what's stopping him. Austin, Maddy and Teresa. Their love for him is obvious. The cement paralysing his feet is made up of the weight of Maddy lying on his chest, her hand curling his hair around her fingers and her breath whispering against his neck. Austin lying still in the hospital bed, small and frail. Teresa's eyes sparkling at the beach as they played together as a happy family. The way she looked at him as he built the sandcastle with Austin filled him with warmth and an unexpected longing. He searched his soul, his memory palace trying to find reasons for their hold over him, searching for past memories to knit with his new ones. He zero's in on his memory of Austin in hospital, what had Teresa said? He had breathing problems, Teresa was in hospital too, he was pushing her to see him. It must be at Austin's birth. A pivotal time in their relationship, the birth of their first child. Anticipated with such joy and excitement, mixed with some fear, no doubt, for him, after losing one child. A fear brought to reality as Austin lay between life and death. Then the images came. A baby in an incubator, leads attached to its frail body, its tiny fingers curling around his own. The name on the identity tag, Austin Jane. Accompanying them fleeting feelings of despair and worry. He's tried to find more, but his stubborn mind won't open up.
"Mr. Jane!"
He's pulled out of his thoughts with a start, as he looks at the nurse glaring at him, he half expects her to hit him, and moves away an inch. The move doesn't go unnoticed and she glares at him some more, shaking her head.
"Mr. Jane, you're needed downstairs. I don't take too kindly to husbands leaving my patients in tears. Your job is to support and encourage, not add to their burdens."
She holds her hand up silencing him as he starts to speak.
"I don't want to hear your excuses, I can see you're tired, and anxious, and that you have a lot on your mind, but right now, you need to deal with what's in front of you. A wife who's recovering from a serious operation and is in an extremely vulnerable state, a little boy who needs his daddy, who needs you. They both need you."
She looks at her watch.
"Austin will be just about finished, I promised to take your wife to him when he returned, I sincerely hope that you will come too."
The nurse walks off while Patrick watches her go. As she stands in the lift waiting for the doors to go he moves towards her.
"Wait."
She holds the button to stop the doors closing while he catches up, a smile playing on her lips.