Drop the beats!

MAGNE/ZONEMAG/AGZON/EMAG

Yeah that's right. Break it down Skyler!

MAZON/NEMAG/AGNE/ONMA YEEEEEEEEEEAH

You know there's nothing lamer

Than an ill-thought out disclaimer

Man, there's nothing to else blame for

How much it blazes your name, herb

Don't try the same old same old

With me. Don't play that game or

I'll just straight up go and brain you

With an

I DON'T OWN POKÉMON, BITCH

Don't have a fit or try to go back and switch

Because there's no way you can fix

This claim of lack of ownership

So shut up, sit down, and enjoy the show

Or I'll have to force you to with a 'Pokéball Go!'

Chapter 24: The Best Laid Plans…

A Few Hours Earlier

As Skyler left, after repeated assurances that everything was fine, I couldn't help but smile. He was a nice boy… always had been, ever since I'd first brought him into the team. I even caught myself wishing that he wasn't so special; so that he wouldn't even be eligible for the treatments we were giving him. Thank God he was strong.

I sighed, shaking the worry out of my head. There were more important things to be worrying about now. I pushed the button on my desk's intercom: "Ms. Alexis? He's gone. You're free to come back in now."

If Helen were positioned anywhere else, she'd be an Admin by now, no questions asked. But this was a research lab, and she just wasn't as scientifically inclined as the rest of us. I'd suggested transfer to her, but she'd always turned it down. And of course it had nothing to do with Skyler; that would just be silly.

"What do you need, Chief Aggie?" Ms. Alexis repeated, a knowing smile playing across her face. "And for real this time."

"I'll have you know I really do need that Fly HM," I corrected her quickly. "But I'll admit it does serve as quite a convenient excuse for sending him away, doesn't it?"

"I never understood that," she said questioningly. "He's a big boy, you know. Best Pokémon trainer we've got. Why leave him out of this?"

"Because…" I paused. I could tell the truth, that Skyler, bless his heart, still believed that what we did here was purely for the good of humanity and didn't hurt anyone in the process (other than him). But how would that look, the head researcher making important decisions based on a fundamentally inconsequential personal feeling?

"You can't tell anyone this," I said, lowering my voice. "But recently, Skyler's treatment… it's begun to work." There was no hard evidence for this of course, but if Skyler was to be believed this wasn't strictly a lie. "If we put him in a situation with too much stress, he might go overboard. Best-case scenario: he does something that gets us national attention. Worst-case…" I paused, shuddering. "You don't even want to think about it, Ms. Alexis."

"Fair enough, I suppose," she yawned, stretching out her back. "Now then, what's the job this time?"

"Listen to this," I said, pressing a button my desk's intercom:

So just to be clear, Axel is going to go up there, alone, pretend to train Pokémon, and try to work his way into a criminal organization's base with absolutely no help from the outside whatsoever? Came a young female voice.

Will giving him a wire make you feel better? A deep, gravelly male voice replied.

I shut the recorder off. There wasn't much more of the conversation left anyway, and Helen had heard enough to know what she was supposed to do anyway.

"I see," she said, nodding. "Now then, how did you want it done?" She pulled out her favorite Glock, admiring it. "Long distance, short distance? Should it look like an 'accident', or should we use him to send a message?"

"None of the above, Ms. Alexis," I said firmly. "I need him alive. Run a Siren on him, I have it from good sources that he's particularly weak when it comes to young women like yourself."

"He is a teenage guy, what do you expect?" she scoffed, rising our of her chair slowly. "I'll have him here in two hours, maybe three depending on how slow he moves."

"Take your time and be careful, Helen, there's no need to rush things," I advised.

"Be careful? Boss, I…"

"Now you sound like Skyler," I interrupted. "I mean it, Alexis. Axel Jackson's not to be taken lightly, understood?"

Helen frowned, probably taken aback by my sudden change in tone. "Why so serious?" She asked. "I've done this more times than I can count, Boss. What's so special about him?"

"Listen," I commanded, pressing another button on my recorder.

Death is only human, the gruff voice said again. That being said, if you can deal with his Pokémon, like I know you can, then you shouldn't have any trouble with the Pokémon that Team Musket will throw at you, if it comes to that.

I clicked it off. Alexis pondered for a minute, and her eyes widened suddenly with realization. "You think… Deathwing?"

"Not only Deathwing," I said. "Axel Jackson's also supposedly the trainer who handled the Cliffkiln attack. Where Death's Dragonite was beaten to a pulp?" I nodded. "Even if it wasn't actually him, the fact that there are rumors flying around suggesting such is a testament to his strength. So as I said, Ms. Alexis; don't take him lightly."

"You got it, Chief," Helen nodded, curtsying in respect before setting off.

I sighed, idly wondering how it had come to this. Believe me, Mr. Jackson, it's nothing personal… I just have to know.

Current Time

"Get in!" I heard Helen yell, and before I had time to prepare myself a young man, handcuffed and bruised, was thrown headfirst through the door to my office.

"Ow…" the man (Axel, naturally) groaned, standing up slowly. "You know, it might seem weird to want to record it, but I'm thinking this is a much odder thing to get turned on by, you know?"

Ms. Alexis, who had walked in behind him, chuckled, and then smacked Axel square in the back with the butt of her Glock, causing him to buckle and nearly fall again. "That's what I've never liked about these siren missions," she explained. "A guy get caught in enemy territory and all of a sudden he starts throwing out quips like he's James Bond." She leaned in towards Axel, stroking his chin pedantically. "You're not James Bond, silly man. You know that, right?"

"I've been jostled around enough today, I might have forgotten," Axel smiled. "Thanks for reminding me."

I winced as Helen smacked him across the face, causing him to fa… never mind, he's still standing. Ms. Alexis, though quite good at concealing her true emotions, betrayed a bit of shock in her eyes as well.

"I get smacked around all the time by my best friend," Axel explained. "I could do this all day. Not that I'm asking for that, of course." He cocked his head, looking at Ms. Alexis inquisitively. "Unless… I mean, if you're into that, I suppose I could…"

Another smack. I should stop this. "Mr. Jackson," I addressed him. "While your attempts to stick to your cover are… admirable, we already know that it's a wire, not a recorder." I pressed a button, playing the recording of his mission briefing for him.

"Ah…" Axel said, realization sweeping over his face. "You… you heard that, huh?"

"Every word," Alexis affirmed. "Got any smart remarks now?"

"I never have any smart remarks. Loveable idiot, remember?" He said, forcing a smile. "Though for what it's worth, I should mention that I actually do find you attractive. It was only partially a ploy to work my way in here."

That caught her off guard, and I fought the urge to smile as I watched her squirm. "Well…" she sputtered. "Thank you," she said. "I guess I… well…" she curtsied in my direction. "I'll head out then, boss. Tell if you need anything."

"Will do, Ms. Alexis. Good work as usual." And with that, she left.

I looked Axel over, trying to guess what he was thinking. "You're very good, by the way," I complemented. "Knowing exactly what to say to get her to leave and what not."

"Thank you," Axel said, bowing slightly. "But it's not really like that. I just like making good first impressions. It's one of the few things I actually know how to do."

"And in order to make good first impressions…" I prompted.

"You have to… I guess… get into their heads a little, yeah," he admitted, blushing. "But don't begrudge me it… like I said, it's one of the few things I actually know how to do."

"I doubt that somehow, Mr. Jackson," I said, standing up to my full height of 6' 4" to seem more imposing. "I think you know how to do quite a good deal of things… you just haven't figure out how yet."

"Uh… what?" he asked. "Was I supposed to understand that?"

"I can talk to you intelligently about Pokémon, yes Mr. Jackson?"

"Probably, yeah," the trainer nodded. "I read a lot of research papers when it comes to that. Particularly Redwood."

"Then I'm certain you know who LUPHA is?"
"You mean Mew?"

I paused, smiling. "Very good, Mr. Jackson; but not quite. You see, while many researchers in the field of Pokémon believe that Mew is the Last Universal Pokémon-Human Ancestor, we've never been able to prove it. The phylogenic tree isn't nearly as strong as we'd like, and well… as you can imagine, we've never gotten a genome sample from Mew to test."

"Right, right, I knew that," Axel nodded. "But still… isn't that kind of a random question to ask someone who you caught trying to sneak into your lab?"

"If we were just trying to prevent you from finding anything out, you'd be dead already Mr. Jackson," I said coldly, meriting a very loud gulp from Axel. "Keep that in mind, will you? Because what I'm about to ask you next may very well determine how long you keep living."

"Listening," Axel replied nervously.

"Good," I said, clasping him on the shoulder. "Now then, Mr. Jackson. Do you happen to know if you're In Touch?"

Toto, Earlier

"Just looking for a good time? REALLY? I'll kill him, I really will," Vanna grumbled as she listened in on the other end of Axel's wire.

"At least he's not telling some random girl about your personal history," Amber pouted childishly. "I mean Axel, come on… discretion, please. I've taught you what the word means, I'm sure of it."

I honestly didn't understand why they were so worried about the things Axel said, as opposed to holding their breaths that he'd come back all right. Am I the only one who understands that if he dies up there, he dies in real life? Besides, the 'lonely boy with relationship problems' angle, which is the only one we'd agreed Axel could successfully pull off, requires heartfelt emotion behind it! And he's not saying anything terrible, so suck it up and stop whining! God.

If we should feel bad for anyone, it's this Alexis girl, who seems nice enough. It's just not Axel to string her along like this for an ulterior motive, but we've got to do what we've got to do, I guess. He's doing so well, I wouldn't be surprised if he actually cared about this girl a little bit.

You might say I'm just trying to justify Axel, since he's the only human being I know that I think deserves the oxygen he consumes. You might be right, but I'm sure we both realize by now that he's the good guy here.

"Large dead oak tree with three mid-sized branches," Detective Jenkins jotted down as Axel… ahem… discretely revealed the hidden entrance to the complex. "That's all I need. Part B is a go. I'll head up as back up, just in case. You stay here, and if anything goes south, call it in on my radio." He looked at us all sternly. "Do not attempt to take any actions on your own, under any circumstances, understand? It's bad enough we're risking one innocent civilian up there." Right. Because we're stupid enough to raid a criminal base on a whim. That's a very flattering view of our intellect you have there, detective.

If it were Axel's intellect we were talking about here, then I'd be a bit more inclined to let it go. He is the one who is currently describing the interior of the lab as loudly as possible… and somehow getting away with it. Perhaps he's just that good at making people like him?

Ah… perhaps. Those kissing sounds… are quite loud. And was that… was that a bed squeaking?

"No way," Vanna said, shaking her head in shock. "Here, now, of all places, he still…?"

"He's unplugged his wire," Amber noted with a sigh. "So knowing him… yeah. If we don't hear from him an hour, though, we should probably call it in."

"At least the Detective's up there anyway, just in case it is…" she paused, retracing the conversation back to what Amber said. "An… an hour?"

"Why is this the only thing you think of?" Amber screeched.

As their bickering continued, I shook my head, disgusted. So human the friendly voice commented, as it did sometimes. Don't you tire of it?

"More than you know," I responded. "But I'm still not leaving, regardless of what you say. I could care less about Amber, but I actually want to see Axel through all of this."

If you're concerned with the boy's well being, why not go up and check on him? Make sure he's not in trouble?

I thought for a moment. It seemed a bit odd that we all had just assumed Axel had willingly turned off his wire. What if… But that detective said…

No. Screw what that human said. I don't need to follow his orders; I'm a Pokémon. A superior species! Nodding to myself, assuring myself that I was right in my actions, I slipped out of the room, unnoticed by the humans who never cared about my presence anyway.

Author's Note

So… many… threads… I believe that the thread count of this story is so high that it would make the best blanket ever. Woo! A Martha Stewart/Joann Etc. joke! … I'm a guy, I swear.

Anywho, sorry this is both short and a bit late. It's finals week, and I'm actually surprised I found the time to do this. Procrastination truly is the greatest creative force in the universe, right? Am I right? … I'm going to fail.

Viva la feminism?

P.S.: I broke the limit for storing documents on the site with just this story! WHAT?