Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight related whatsoever. It's gracefully Stephenie Meyer's.

Also, the song is by Taylor Swift. Totally not mine.

-Bella's POV-

I don't know how long it has been since I'd seen Jasper. Maybe a month, maybe more. Time ceased to mean anything to me anymore. Not since I let him go. That say in the meadow, telling him goodbye, was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But by some miracle, I kept a straight face until I made it home.

And then I cried into my pillow all day. I cried about everything—Jacob, Jasper, all of t—and I didn't want to get up for work the next day. So I called in sick, and tried to sleep. Charlie came in my room before work, and I pretended to be asleep to avoid confrontation with him.

I'd been going through the motions without actually seeing anything. It was like I was a zombie again. Charlie tried to talk to me about it, but I changed the subject to something more light. I didn't want to open my big mouth because I know I'd blame him for everything. He was essentially the reason I couldn't see Jasper, and I didn't want to leave him all alone in this house.

Most days I had nothing to do because I didn't have to work, so I'd listen to music and sit on my bed reading as many supernaturally-themed books as I could. I read every vampire novel known to man, werewolf books, the Harry Potter series, and then I got bored. So I switched to movies and shows. I watched True Blood and The Vampire Diaries, and other movies. I watched hours upon hours of Supernatural. I was filling the void of Jasper by surrounding myself with the supernatural.

And things seemed to be getting a little better. I was smiling pleasantly at Charlie, and holding actual conversation with people. I seemed to be fooling him, while I buried myself in fillers, and pretending Jasper was outside my window, still watching over me, even though I told him to go away. And he may not understand my reasoning, but it makes perfect sense to me. Maybe on say he'll make some sense of it.

On this particular day I got up to go to work, and things were going okay. I was holding a pretty interesting conversation with Mike, and the bells rung. I turned to the door to help the customers, and saw two people I didn't want to talk to—Emmett and Rosalie.

Emmett was pushing Rosalie though the door. Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest and she wore a severe scowl that did nothing to dampen her beauty. Emmett, as usual, had a grin on his face and his bear-like body moved fast towards the counter where I was standing.

"Hey, Bella, what's up?" He held a hand out and I took it, shaking it with a puzzled expression on my face.

"Er, nothing, really…" Why was he talking to me?

"So here's the deal, sis, I'm under specific orders from Edward to come and see how you are, because Jasper won't tell us a thing."

I wanted to blush at what he was talking about, but I couldn't. My face paled at Jasper's name.

"I'm fine. Just great."

"He didn't hurt you, did he?"

This time my face did flush. "No! No, it was fine. He didn't hurt me…"

"So he didn't hurt you, but are you hurt?"

I hurt myself by hurting him, so I guess. "Not physically," I responded.

"Mhm…and your reason for dumping him was what, Bella?"

"Charlie," I stated simply, not wanting to really explain the full extent of my reasoning proves. I'd be explaining for ages.

I heard a sigh from the entrance. "Emmett, I have better things to do," Rosalie said impatiently.

"Like what, Rose? Get your hair done?"

I stifled a snort, but Rosalie still heard it and shot me a look of pure hatred and venom.

"No, I don't have to get my hair done. I have to stop by Carlisle's office and talk to him about something important."

Emmett rolled his eyes, and I stifled a giggle. "Okay, Rose, we'll leave in a minute."

He turned back to me with a twinkle in his golden eyes. "How…how is he?" I asked hesitantly. "How's Jasper?"

"Under orders of Edward, I'm not allowed to release such content of personal matter. So, use your imagination, Bells. Sorry."

"It's okay. I just don't want him to be lonely because of me. I have a damn good reason why I let him go, and I hope he understands why, an doesn't take it too personally."

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind." He drummed his fingers on the counter. "Well, my work here is done, and Rosalie's gonna kick my ass if I don't leave soon, so I'll see ya later!"

They left as soon as they had come, and I was left staring at their exit, wondering what he hell had just happened.

A throat cleared behind me, and broke me out of my reverie as I looked back at Mike. "You okay, Bella?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Just fine. My response to everything these days.

"What was that about?"

"Oh, he was just making sure I was okay, since a lot had happened with me lately."

"Right. I heard things were bad for you with Jacob dying."

"Yeah, it was awful for me for a while. But things are finally good again."

"Good."

I didn't really feel like conversing, so I just focused on finishing my shift and going back home.

When I got home, Charlie was already there, planted on the couch watching SportsCenter and eating leftover spaghetti from the night before. I didn't utter a word to him as I entered the house. Instead, I just went up the stairs to my bedroom and lay down to think.

Emmett's visit didn't make sense. He was a little late. I mean, it wasn't yesterday I told Jasper goodbye. I may have been out of it, but at least I knew more time had passed. So why ask now if I was okay?

And what was up with him not being able to say if Jasper was okay? That was a bad sign, wasn't it? It meant he was in horrible shape and/or probably tried to commit suicide again. But I couldn't be with him, and that was that.

After a while, I put some Beethoven on and feel asleep to his symphonies.

The next thing I knew, the sun was waking me up the next morning. I yawned, stretched, and checked my phone for the time; 9:37 AM. That was later than normal, but I was under a lot of stress, so the extra hours were acceptable now.

I got ready for the day, then went outside to get the mail. I've learned from spending the summer vacation at home in a small house all alone that the mailman makes his rounds a lot earlier than I had expected.

Without really looking at it, I sat the mail down in the kitchen counter. I'd sort through it later. Mostly it was just bills and junk mail for Charlie; I never got anything unless it was from Renee.

I opened a cabinet and got out a ceramic bowl and poured cereal into it, adding milk. Then I picked the mail back up and went up to my bedroom.

On my dresser was the book I had started reading: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. So far it was really good, so I opened it and began reading while I ate.

I don't know how long I had been reading for, but my cell started buzzing at my side. Caller I.D. said it was Charlie. Ugh. He was checking in to make sure I don't try and kill myself again.

I rolled my eyes and answered. "Hello?"

"Bella?" Charlie said from the receiver. "Are you okay? Were you doing something?"

"No, Dad, I'm fine."

"Well, what are you doing?" he pressed.

Oh, just sitting on the bathroom floor slitting my wrists because I slept with Jasper.

"I'm sitting here reading a book."

"Oh." There was a rustling sound on the other end of the line. I wondered what he was doing. "You sure everything's all right?"

"Well, it's not like I'm gonna go off myself," I said, half sarcastic, half annoyed.

"Don't even joke around about that, Bella! I didn't appreciate picking your bloody body off that bathroom floor! I thought I was gonna lose you…I do not want that to happen again." I could just imagine his face turning purple as he spoke those words.

But I did kind of feel bad about that. But that didn't erase how pissed I was at him. "Okay, that was one time and it was because I lost the love of my life, who, by the way, wants back in the picture, but I know you won't let him."

Charlie. The only thing in the way of Jasper and I—the only reason I said goodbye, knowing it would rip his heart out of his chest.

"Isabella Marie Swan, do not talk to me like that! I know what's best for you, and what's best for you is to stay away from that guy. He's not good for you, and if you let him back in, he's just going to leave you even worse than you were last time."

I shook my head in disbelief. I refused to believe that. And if Charlie had only made an ounce of effort to get to know Jasper, he would see that it's exactly the opposite with him.

"Charlie, you don't see what the problem is. You don't even know him! You've just heard what he's done but that does not make him a bad person."

"Well, obviously he is if he could just leave you like that. Do you even recognize what you were like all those months while he was away?"

"Oh, for God's sake I know it ruined me, but you don't know why he left! And it doesn't matter now."

"Of course it matters, Bella. Why wouldn't it?"

"I can't tell you that." My face had gone ashen, thinking that maybe Charlie was getting a little too suspicious of Jasper's motives.

"And why is that?"

"Because it's personal!" I spat out hotly. "You know what? I can't wait to move out of this place and away from you. I made a huge mistake living with you as long as I have. I should have left the minute I turned eighteen."

I hung up the phone, and in a fit of rage, I chucked the mail at the wall. I heard something plink against it and went to investigate.

It was a cd. How had I not noticed this before? The cover said 'Just Listen' in Jasper's handwriting, and it included a nice set of lyrics to the song he wrote me.

I put it in my cd player, and his voice came on. My heart ached right then just hearing him, and automatically I regretted letting him go. But I had to remind myself I let him go for a reason, and that reason was a very good one.

For the remainder of the song I had to keep reminding myself of the reason I left him. It wasn't an easy thing to do, because with every word that Jasper sang, I felt a tug on my heart and wanted to jump in my Chevy and run away with him. But I couldn't let my emotions control me…not this time around.

When it was all over, and I got up to turn the stereo off, I also shut off my emotions. "Just give it a rest, Jasper," I said, knowing he couldn't hear me.

And then I went back to bed, and didn't wake up again until it was dark out.

The next day Charlie didn't have to work. He stayed home to make sure I didn't kill myself. I haven't talked to him all day, and I've been locked up in my room, purposely annoying him with my loud music drowning out his TV.

I played Jasper's song again and listened to the lyrics and tried to come up with a rational response to the words in a way that wouldn't hurt him too bad. I'd been trying to think of what Jasper meant to me and kind of explain what was going on.

And then it hit me. Jasper was a vampire. (Okay, that revelation came around a long time ago, but there's a point to this.) Vampires are dark princes, right? Sort of the fairy tale creature in a horror story. But for me, everything had been like an actual fairy tale with him. Like Cinderella, I was the girl in rags who happened to snag the prince and become a beautiful princess.

So I created a song for it.

Now, I wasn't exactly musically talented like Jasper was, and I couldn't sing, so making him a cd back was out of the question. All I had was words—which was more like a poem without a tune—but my point would still get across.

I wrote them out in a neat hand.

'So you're sorry, that face of an angel comes out just when you need it to. And I paced back and forth all this time 'cause I honestly believed in you. Holding on, and days drag on. Stupid girl, I should have known, I should have known.

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale. I'm not the one to sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell. This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town, I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around.

Baby I was naive, got lost in your eyes and never really had a chance. My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand. I had so many dreams about you and me; happy endings. Now I know.

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale. I'm not the one to sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell. This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town, I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around.

There you are on your knees, begging for forgiveness, begging for me. Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry.

'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale. I'm gonna find someone somewhere who might actually treat me well. This is a big world, that was a small town there in my rearview mirror disappears now. Now its too late for you and your white horse. Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now. Try and catch me now. It's too late to catch me now.'

Despite my reluctance, I eventually left my room to mail Jasper my lyrics. I felt Charlie's eyes on me, but I didn't speak to him.

Then I shut, locked my door, and turned Nirvana up full blast.

!#$%^&*

They say time passes. And that it heals everything. Such liars they are! It's been more time away from Jasper, and the wounds haven't healed. Summer is ending and senior year is about to start. I'm all alone. I don't know if Jasper will be there, or care to talk to me, and I'm still as hurt as I was before.

I was cooking eggplant parmesan for myself when Charlie got home from work.

"Smells good, Bells, what it is?"

I rolled my eyes. Why does he always pretend things are hunky-dory between us? I've been ignoring him the best I could while snapping at his pleasantries and being perfectly rude to him. I felt kind of bad, but until he eased up on the Jasper situation, that's just the way it was going to be.

"Nothing for you. It's eggplant parmesan, which I'm sure you don't want."

Charlie made a grunting noise. "What's with you being vegetarian now?"

"And what's wrong with it? There's nothing wrong with having a healthy, less fat diet packed with protein." That was my excuse—I wanted to be a healthier eater. But I knew I was doing it because of Jasper. His family call themselves vegetarians because they abstain from human blood. I'm a vegetarian by abstaining from animal blood. Yeah, I'm pretty screwed up all right.

Charlie grunted again. "You sure it's edible?"

I turned to glare at him. "No, there are pieces of glass that are gonna cut my throat open when I eat it. Yes, it's edible, Charlie. Wouldn't make it if it wasn't."

He cleared his throat and his face turned almost purple from the way I was talking to him. "Fine, I'll try some. It's better than nothing. You should, uh, turn your music down, though."

Metallica was playing very loudly through the speakers. "Yeah, thanks for the suggestion, but that's not gonna happen."

I made dinner, and set a plate out for Charlie, and took mine up to my room before Charlie could protest and sit me down at the table; put on a pretense of one small happy family. So not likely.

I ate silently, watched a new episode of The Vampire Diaries and completely empathizing with the Elena girl. She broke up with Stefan, I broke up with Jasper, and we're both alone, despite how much we want to be with them. We're sad cases, we are.

Charlie knocked on my door a couple of hours later, and I let him in. "Just coming to tell you goodnight."

"Yeah, sure." I wasn't going to fall asleep any time soon though—too much on my mind."

" Look, Bella, I'm not sure really what's going on with you…"

"You know exactly what's going on, Charlie," I said softly.

"No, I'm really not sure. I'm not sure if it's about Jacob's death or—"

"You know damn well it's not about him, Charlie!" I exploded. "This is about Jasper, and how utterly ignorant you are being to my feelings. Do you not see how miserable I am without him?"

"Well, I don't see why. I mean, it's not like you two were so serious."

"That's the thing, Charlie; you never paid attention to how serious it really was. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I was so serious about how I felt for him that I didn't care he'd already had a girlfriend when we met; I would have done whatever it took to be with him. I took one look at him in that Biology classroom last year and I knew he was someone I'd obsess over. One look was all it took to prove to myself he was the one I'd spend the rest of my life with." The rest of my existence, I added in my mind.

"What was his response?"

"At first he refused to talk to me, because of Alice."

"Alice?" he asked me.

I rolled my eyes. "His girlfriend at the time. Then he said they had nothing in common and told me I was different, and deserved to have this amazing life with an abundance of friends. He told me I was special. He wanted to be with me just as much as I did.

"But he was scared, that's something you have to understand. He was terrified that I'd grow up and figure out the world before he did, and I'd leave him. He didn't want to be hurt, so he hurt me first. And he left, trying to figure out who he was and what he wanted, and all he wanted was me, but you made me push him away. You forced him to be a figure in my past when I needed him in the present.

"I needed him so much, Dad, and you chalked it up to me needing to be away from him. After Jake died, I needed him so much; it hurt to be away from him. He's the only person I want to be with mentally or physically. He's the only person I've ever been with mentally and physically."

"You slept with him?" I was surprised at how calmly he asked me that question. I thought he'd flip out, start yelling, blow through the roof. But he was calm—serene, almost. It was weird; made me uncomfortable.

"Well, yeah."

"You slept with him, but not Jacob?"

"Well, I thought about it, but Jacob didn't want to. And after he died, I felt like it was my fault and needed to forget him. And I turned to Jasper, and I just knew the timing was right. And…I don't know, it seemed worth it."

"You're not pregnant, so I'm assuming you were careful. Look, Bella, I asked you to stay away from him because he's bad news. He…he just looked like he tried to influence you into doing stuff you didn't want to. You were already down a sleep slop, and when he came back I didn't know if he'd drag you down harder. He was bad news, Bells."

"And now?"

"And now I still don't want you seeing him. You're under my roof, and I don't think it's very appropriate. However, should you decide to move out, you'll have your own place, and own life, and I can't stop you from making those decisions."

I thought about what he just said. As great as that would be, I just couldn't abandon Charlie that way. Not yet, at least. Despite the fighting we've been going through, I still felt obligated to stay here with him. And ultimately sacrificing my own happiness, too.

"Well, uh, goodnight, Bella."

"Yeah, sure."

He shut my door and I lay down on my bed, staring at the Nirvana poster on my ceiling. Everything is just so screwed up right now. The solution didn't seem clear at all, either. Everything was just a cloudy mess—a distant shadow beckoning you to follow them this way and that; through winding turns and wrong directions so you're all frustrated and confused. I didn't know what was around the corner, or up the path, or even where it was leading me, but I knew everything happened for a damn good reason.

I tried to think about why I'd just spilled my guts in front of Charlie. I mean, we haven't exactly had the best father/daughter relationship lately, so why now?

Maybe it's because I hadn't vented to anyone in forever. I'd kept my mouth shut around Emmett, around Mike. I had no one to talk to. And I missed that with Jasper. I missed him really listening to anything and caring about the smallest little things. Like, of I was frustrated I had no clothes to wear, he'd seriously listen. And then we'd laugh about it later.

I didn't get that with Jacob. He'd say I was insane. Well, hell, maybe I am. I'd have to be to tell my father I just slept with someone not too long ago. At least he didn't know Jasper was a vampire. That would just enhance his serious dislike for him. He wouldn't let me speak to the Cullen family ever again, probably.

Well, it doesn't matter. Charlie will never know they are vampires. And he already made up his mind I can't see Jasper. I guessed I could hang on for the rest of the year until I graduated. Then I wouldn't have to feel guilty for abandoning Charlie. Then I could honestly and freely be in love with Jasper.

If he'd take me back. Who knows how he'll feel about me a year from now? Will he hate me? Will he leave Forks without me? Will he hook up with Tanya again? Or worse, will he go and live with Maria and Waylon?

I shuddered, thinking about all the awful possibilities. Who knew if he'd even show up for school next week. Maybe he'd already skipped town in search of forgetting me completely.

I guess I'd just find out next week.

I tossed in my bed, and faced my bare wall. It would be impossible to sleep tonight.

So Bella is a vegetarian, like me. Yay! Lol. I kinda felt the need to make her a vegetarian for some reason. Don't ask me why; I don't know how my brain works.

Anyways, I have a question to ask all you lovely readers. Since the story is coming to a close (two more chapters left!!!) I was wondering what you all would think if I posted some material that didn't make it in the book. Originally I was going to put in Jasper's journey to meet up with Maria when he left Bella, and follow him back to Forks. But instead I wrote about Bella's life without Jasper. When I finish the book, would any of you be interested in seeing the missing chapters of Jasper's life without Bella? I'll totally write it up and put it in here if anyone cares. Tell me what ya think!