I Remember Love
A Becoming Jane-story
By: jakeline
Summary: The story begins after the opera, the year is 1814, Jane and Tom have met again. They begin questioning their actions and choices in the past (i.e. from the time they met in 1795 and forward).This is what could have happened if the movie had not ended.
Disclaimer: I do not own Jane Austen, Tom Lefroy or any other character in this story. Facts are taken from the Becoming Jane Fansite.
Author's note: Oh how I love your reviews! You are too kind to a humble writer...
Part 25: In which evil tongues flourish and more visitors come
The days dragged themselves by, the Lefroy household tried go get by without the mistress of the house. But it was not easy. The funeral was coming closer. Tom had informed everybody of his wife's passing and was getting condolences from all over the country. He tried to stay strong in front of his children but at night he cried in Jane's arms. He was happy that she was there to comfort him and he did not know what he would have done if she had not been there.
"I love you so much, but I miss her," he whispered one evening as they wandered the rose garden with his heart filled with sorrow. He did not know how to go from there. He had thought everything would just work out in some way as Mary died, but now he was even more torn between the two loves of his life. He felt guilty for feeling happiness with Jane.
"I know, dear," she said and smiled through the dark. "She was a very special woman and I do not expect you to forget or stop loving her." She took his hand and squeezed it. He admired her for her patience. It must not be easy to bear the sorrow of a whole family including her own on her shoulders. She had taken Mary's plea literary and was helping him and the children out in any way she could. She was practically running the household for him, with the help of Mrs Jones and Millie of course. They had accepted her as it were.
Tom was sure these feelings of guilt would ease off eventually. Mary had given them her blessing, but already they were the talk of town. Miss Austen's presence in his house was apparently a very interesting topic in town, or at least that was what he had heard from reliable sources. He really hoped that the letter Mary wanted to be read at the funeral would shed some light on the shadows that were now cast over Miss Austen. It was mostly loose talk and gossip.
Tom tried not to listen when the servants where discussing the latest word from town. Even though they all knew that Miss Austen had been personally invited by the former mistress of the house they took an interest in what was the talk of town. Tom's rescue of Miss Austen in the rain had found its way through the tea parlours of Limerick and everyone had an opinion about that. He was a respectable member of the society and should not be a target of such titter-tatter, but there was nothing he could do to stop it.
He tried his best to keep the evil words from reaching the children's ears but they picked up the gossip from everywhere. He could not keep them from seeing their friends however much he wanted them to. They did not really care of what propriety and common conduct called for during the grieving period and Tom did not have the heart to tell them not to. He could not stand to see their sad little faces during supper or breakfast or any other time he happened upon them. They reminded him so much of their darling mother.
-xxx-
Jane Austen tried her best to be supportive and comforting for the family. Her own heart ached every time she saw the children's little sad faces. It was just not fair to lose a parent at such a young age. She hated to see them all dressed in black in the middle of summer, but what choice was there? Jane did not care for mourning clothes, but they had to be worn.
She could see Tom was struggling with his emotions and the preparations for the funeral and she did not seek him out, but let him come to her. She continued her writing and sought her comfort in the rose garden which had become her favourite place since it was there Tom had finally admitted to loving her. She watched over the roses and helped out the gardener with what little she knew about taking care of flowers.
She often fled outside just to get away from the servants constant discussion of the latest news from town. There was a lot of gossip about her in town from what she heard. Not much of it was true and some of it just pure evil. She tried not to let it get to her, but it hurt even though she knew it was untrue. Even if Millie and Mrs Jones knew it to be false she knew they were talking about it when she was not around. The stable boys and others found it very entertaining even if it was complete rubbish.
"Miss Austen?" Jane Lefroy called as she came out of the house and ran towards the rose garden.
"Yes, Jane?" Jane put her hand up to shadow her eyes from the sun.
"Miss Austen, there you are!" Jane could see that there was an elderly couple following her behind her. "Miss Austen, these are my grandparents, Mr and Mrs Paul," Jane Lefroy said as they met on the lawn.
"Miss Austen, what a delight to finally meet you," Mrs Paul said with a smile. Jane could see she was forcing herself to seem happy.
"Mr Paul, Mrs Paul, a pleasure," Jane said and curtseyed. She studied Mary's parents.
"Our daughter has told us all about you, Miss Austen," Mr Paul said.
"Oh, she has?" asked Jane and continued hastily: "I am so sorry for your loss. Though I only knew her for a little while she is greatly missed." Mrs Paul bent her head slightly as a thank you. Jane could see the tears that were forming in her eyes. "We should get out of this heat." Everyone was wearing black and the July sun was relentless.
"Will you take tea with us in the drawing room, Miss Austen?" Jane Lefroy asked.
"If you wish it, Jane," Jane answered and tried to read the expression on the mourning parents. What did they know of her? What had Mary told them? She was sure they had also gotten a letter from their deceased daughter.
"Please do, Miss Austen," Mrs Paul urged.
"Very well, then I shall," Jane said with a smile as she accompanied them towards the house.
-xxx-
Jane Lefroy was proud to introduce Miss Austen to her grandparents. They had not been able to visit sooner since they had been out of the country for a while. Her grandmother had been ill and therefore had sought out the healing powers of Bath. They had accompanied her father and her as far as to London on their journey there. London, thought Jane, felt like a life time ago. So much had happened since.
Jane wondered what her mother had told them about Miss Austen. She was not sure whether her father had sent them the letter her mother had written to them before her death. Jane had of course told them everything about the famous authoress' stay in their house. .
"So, Miss Austen, Jane tells us you are acquainted with Thomas since you were younger?" said her grandmother as Millie handed her a cup of tea.
"Yes, that is correct. Quite briefly as he visited my home county of Hampshire many, many years ago," replied Miss Austen with a slightly flushed face. Jane saw that Miss Austen did not want to venture further on that subject.
"They share the same taste in literature," said Jane.
"Oh, I see," said her grandmother.
"And you are a writer yourself as we understand it," said her grandfather.
"Yes, that is right," Miss Austen replied.
"I am afraid we are not familiar with your work, Miss Austen," her grandfather said. Jane felt slightly embarrassed of her grandparents. They had the air of being well read, but sometimes they seemed very ignorant of the world around them.
"I have told you about Pride and Prejudice!" cried Jane.
"But of course, silly me," exclaimed Mrs Paul with a slight blush.
"Yes, well, I have tried to remain anonymous, Mrs Paul. You could not have known," Miss Austen said gracefully.
"Our daughter was an admirer of your work, Miss Austen, I am sure," said Jane's grandfather. "She often mentioned your name in her last letters."
"Did she?" Miss Austen looked surprised.
"Oh, yes, Miss Austen. She was so happy you accepted her invitation to come here." Miss Austen looked like she wondered what else Mary had written in her letters. Jane felt curious herself but before the conversation could go on they were interrupted by the arrival of her father.
-xxx-
Tom found his mother and father in law in the drawing room taking tea with Miss Austen and his eldest daughter. They had finally arrived back in the country and he was happy to see them. He knew they were devastated to not have been able to visit before their daughter's passing. But Mrs Paul had been ill as well and unfit to make the journey back to Ireland. He knew his wife had been longing to meet them one last time, but now they only got to see her in her final rest.
"Mr and Mrs Paul, I am so glad to see you both in good health," Tom said and squeezed their hands affectionately.
"And we you, under the circumstances," said Mrs Paul with a sad smile.
"How are you holding up?" Tom asked his mother in law and eyed her with concerned eyes. She looked rather pale despite the heat.
"Oh, I have been better, but my time in Bath did me very good, indeed. But now, yes well…" Tears filled her eyes. It was not right for a parent to have to bury their child. He could see that Jane Austen looked a bit uncomfortable while conversing with his wife's parents, which was quite understandable. He had forgotten to inform her about their arrival. He did not know how much Mary had told them about Jane's presence there.
"I have something for you, from Mary, she asked me to give it to you," Tom said and handed them the letter she had written for them. He was relieved to find that the gossip that flourished in town had not reached the ears of Mary's parents. For that he was thankful. He did not want them to judge Jane based on false rumours. Since they would continue to be in their life he wanted them to be acquainted with Jane without any assumptions based on evil tongues.
His mother in law read the letter and handed it over to her husband without a word. He read it through and then looked up with queering eyes at Tom.
"Perhaps we should discuss the content of this letter in private, Thomas," said Mr Paul with a concerned look on his face.
"I think so too," agreed Mrs Paul and glanced hastily at Jane.
"We could use my study. Miss Austen, if you will excuse us?"
Jane stood up; "But of course! It was a pleasure to meet you, Mrs Paul, Mr Paul." Jane curtseyed and the courtesy was returned by the Pauls who hastily followed Tom outside.
"This way, if you please," he said and ushered them towards his study.
-TBC-
How am I doing in prolonging it? Great, I hope...