{Chapter Twenty-Four}

It was not long before we were walking down the same stretch of road heading to Amaranthine. It was eerie how similar it felt to the time before. However, this time, we were prepared. We both had layers and layers of clothing, plenty of flint, the sword and were prepared for anything that came our way. Harris pulled a half-cart along behind him. Our plan was to find Dox in statue form and bring him back. I wasn't certain how we would pick him up, because I knew my touch would transform him back, but perhaps Harris would be able to touch him without it happening. The most important thing to me now was getting Dox somewhere safe.

When we paused for the night, a little farther this time because of pushing ourselves and leaving well before darkness had fallen, I was hesitant. I didn't relish the thought of being alone with Harris. Because it was the past, though, I had not really let myself love him yet. I had that to console me. This version of me was unsullied by his touch, his lies. It was a shame he remembered. Or that I did too.

"What's the matter?" Harris' voice broke through my musing and I looked up in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"You're scowling…" He plopped himself down beside me, but not close enough to be able to touch me.

"Yes, I was just thinking about you." I didn't bother keeping the snideness from my tone.

"Cecilia…" He attempted to use his infamous heart-melting tone with my name, but I held up a hand.

"Don't." I turned my back to him and huddled to keep warm. Though there was no snow, it was a brisk night. It was disappointing to see no snow or ice, for it made me wonder if we had altered the course of the future for us here in some way. By now, there should have been a white blanket covering the ground.

"I've made so many mistakes with you." He sighed loud enough I could hear it. "I don't ever expect you'll forgive me, but I'm so in love with you, you will have to endure that. So, I apologize if I push. Just push back. I deserve anything you throw at me." I nodded in agreement, though I'm sure he couldn't see the movement. "Except a dagger. I'd prefer you not to throw that at me."

"Sleep with one eye open then." I had let a hint of humor creep into my tone, unwelcomed by my brain of course.

"I would deserve it." His tone was morose.

"Not worth killing you over." I moved to my side so that I was facing the warmth of the fire and closed my eyes. "I forgive you for lying to me, Harris. But I will never let you touch me again."

"There is nothing I can do to atone for that? To make you want to be with me? To make you feel the same way about me that I do about you?" I heard his voice close to my ear, which made me open my eyes and find his face. He was staring down at me, not far from where I rested. I sat up and glared at him.

"No."

"But you understand why I did it, right?" His tone was pushy and since he had said to push back. I did.

"Yes, because you are a selfish, egotistical fool." We were silent for a few moments after my heated declaration. I let my gaze travel to the fire, attempting to cool my temper by not focusing on him.

"So, tell me how you truly feel about me." Was there a smugness to his tone?

"You-" I snapped my head around, staring hard at him as I spoke. "Hrmf. I cannot fathom ever lying to someone to get them to let me bed them."

"Come on, Cecilia," Now his tone was that of a martyr. It was difficult to keep a rein on my temper, but I managed to let him finish. "I didn't do it for that reason and you know it. I simply thought I knew what was best for you: me."

"Well, now you see you were wrong."

"No, no I don't." He accented his words by scooting close to me. My warning glare stopped any motion he would make to touch me. "I don't see that at all."

"Don't try to sweet-talk your way back into my heart." I mumbled, not looking at him. "It's not fair to me. Or Dox."

"Forget Dox!" His tone was snippy and I tried to understand his feelings and not stalk off. "Actually, no, think about Dox… what if the roles were reversed and you were trying to get Dox to understand just how much you loved him? What if he loved you, but did not want to be with you. Wouldn't that hurt?"

"Harris, you are aware that this is what is probably going to happen?" I felt tears well in my eyes and hated myself for being so weak. "He thinks I betrayed him. He probably hates me now." I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my head on the top of them.

"If his love is genuine for you, once he understands that you did not betray him, then he will forget that and you can continue. He will never hate you. I would never hate you even if you did betray me." I couldn't tell if Harris was trying to sway me with his words or being genuinely caring.

"I need to sleep." I was finished trying to be talked out of loving Dox or into loving Harris. I knew where my heart pointed… it was to Dox. I had feelings for Harris, but it was not the same.

"Good night, Cecilia." His tone was soft. "You'll see just how much I love you. You'll see."

I shrugged as I curled back on my side and closed my eyes, but sleep would not come easily for me. I struggled, tossing and turning, but nothing could stop my heart from worrying about Dox and my brain from thinking about Harris. It was a long night.

When I woke the next morning, I was greeted by the warmth of the sun upon my face. Sometime in the night I had shrugged off the blanket I had brought along. There was no snow. No ice. I pondered what it meant. Harris joined me with a bunch of berries he had found, offering to share them for our breakfast.
We ate silently as we prepared for our search.

"Cecilia," Harris helped place my pack securely on my back and I turned to him at the use of my name. "Do you think something has changed?" He motioned to the greenery surrounding us. "Shouldn't it be frozen by now?" I could only shrug.

We traveled for a good part of the morning until we came upon the beach that we knew would normally have housed the sailors. But of them, there was no sign. I stepped to the edge of the sea and stared out upon the blueness, noting it had no ice. It was not frozen. Obviously whatever spell Dox had cast before to stop Flemeth so that he could change himself into a statue had not been done.

"What do we do now?" I mumbled to no one in particular.

"Let's go to where those sailors said they had found him?" Harris's reply was reasonable so I nodded and let him lead us into the nearby forest. We wandered for a while but I knew at the rate we were going, it would take us days to find him if he had hidden himself somewhere. Obviously he couldn't hide out in the open, like before, when his white statue would have blended in with the snow and ice.

"Where would he be?" I shook my head in frustration. "He wouldn't be in the alcove, knowing I would have told Flemeth that, had I truly betrayed him. And in his mind I had. He can't hide out in the open, because there is no snow to camouflage his statue."

"Cecilia," Harris put his hands on my shoulders as he stared into my eyes. I wanted to shrug off the touch, but refrained because I knew he was attempting to help me. "You know him. Where would you hide if you were with him? Put yourself in his mind. Where would he be if you were there?"

"If we find him, you're not going to kill him again, right?" I had to make certain, else let Harris go his own way so that Dox would be safe from him at least.

"Of course not!" Harris' eyes had a haunted look as if he were remembering the deaths he had caused and I felt pity for him. I put a hand on one of his that was still resting on my shoulder and nodded.

"Then I think he would need to find the one place Flemeth could not find him. She would know from her glimpses into the future what will happen, how else did she always know where to find him before: first she came looking for him when he was on the ship, then the Palace, then the Korcori Wilds, and now she'd know he would not be in the alcove, but somewhere that would hide him from her knowledge of the future. He also would consider seeking aid from something considered very powerful but dangerous. There is only one place like that…. "

"Where?"

"The Deep Roads." I grimaced as I spoke, but I knew in my heart that would be where I could find Dox. Not that I wanted to go underground to find him, but if I were Dox… it would be logical to go there. "Come, let's go to Amaranthine. Hopefully my father hasn't left yet to return to the Palace and we can get information from him and maybe some maps if we are lucky." Harris nodded and together we began the journey back to the nearby town. I was eager to see my family again, but also, I was relieved knowing that Dox, though in a dangerous place, would be safe for the moment from Flemeth's grasp.

We found my parents in Vigil's Keep. My father had a very nice stateroom in the main part of the Keep that even had its own separate bathing quarters. It was very lush and brightly decorated - my mother's touch no doubt. By the time we had reached the Keep, it was early afternoon. The reunion with my parents was pleasant and we held onto each other for a long time. My father had a special gnarled staff that one of the dwarves he had befriended had made him and so he was able to hobble around with little effort. This pleased me since I felt guilt every time I saw his missing leg.

Mother immediately set out to get some food in our stomachs and to get us a couple of rooms for the night. Father wanted to lead us to the Deep Roads, but of course mother would not hear of it. Their banter was humorous, but I could tell that my father was relieved he would not be going. I believed he wanted to make up lost time with his wife and it made my heart lift to see such love between them.

"So, Cecilia," My father had taken a moment from his busy day to eat some food with Harris and I. His schedule was set with reorganizing the Keep and shifting it so that it would be less exposed if something like Flemeth's minions ever came around again. He had been updating us on the progress while we ate. I could not help but smile in genuine happiness as he spoke. When I thought of how close he had come to dying…

"Wake up." Harris elbowed my side gently and I snapped out of my thoughts.

"Sorry, what?"

"Daydreaming again," My father shook his head at me. "What were you thinking of, Cece? Flowery dresses and fabulous hairstyles?" He took a moment to mock my mother's accent, which of course made me snigger with laughter. "This hairstyle I wear is such a rage of fashion! It is the absolute best of the year! You must all wear it like mine!" He pointed to his short cropped white hair and I tossed the last bite of the muffin I was eating at him.

"Muffin is not a good accessory, my child!" He dodged the morsel and tossed one of his own at me. It bounced off of my chin and landed in my soup. "Ach, my aim was off! I was going after your nose."

"You'll pay for that, old man!" I bared my teeth playfully and tossed a long green bean his way. Of course he chose that moment to lean to the left so that it missed him entirely. Mother had come into the room, stepping up behind him at just the right moment….

"Cecilia Surana!" The bean slid slowly down her forehead, landing in all of its juicy glory upon her white and gold embroidered tunic.

"Uh oh." I grimaced at the stain it made as she picked up the errant bean and slung it onto the table. "Sorry, mother."

"I see that spending time with your father has made you forget all of your lady-like manners." She sighed in the way she loved to do when she had all of our attention as she wiped her face.

"Hey!" Father exclaimed, staring over his shoulder in mock pain. "I resent that. I'm a very good example of how a lady should act!"

"Sorry mother," I giggled at my father in between my sentences. "I will do better. I know you don't want me to wallow in mud and sling swords around. Tonight I will behave. I swear." A bath would be nice and very lady-like.

"Ah well, perhaps Harris can assist me in this." Mother slung a friendly arm around his shoulder and then around mine and squeezed us both to her. "What do you say about taking her for a stroll later? The Keep's courtyard is quite lovely in the glow of twilight."

"Of course, m'lady Surana. I would be pleased—"

"He doesn't need to do that." I interrupted him in such a surly manner that both of my parents froze. My father stared at me with a lifted eyebrow.

"First of all," Mother looked peevish. "Harris you can call me Leliana. I dislike such formal titles - they make me feel old. And for you…" She glared at me with her luminous milky-blue eyes. "You and I will prepare you later. Once it becomes twilight officially, Harris will escort you for a walk around the courtyard and I will not hear anything further about it." Her tone banked no argument so I merely shrugged. I felt like such a child! Didn't she understand that I was an adult now?

Dinner was finished with very little talking and I dreaded meeting my mother in my room. She had left before I had finished my meal to prepare for me. And when I arrived in the borrowed room, I understood why – she had the dress Kayla had bought me laid out along with all the products that would aid in her decorating of me for the walk. I grimaced at the various hair items and makeup, but my eye was drawn time and again to the dress. It was the one I was to wear for Dox.

"I can't wear that dress, mother." I pointed to it and frowned.

"Why not?"

"It has sentimental value." I sighed softly, realizing I probably would never get to wear it.

"Well, my dresses are too big for you." She made a display of pushing her breasts together under her stained tunic. "I'm simply too well formed in certain places." Her smirk made me roll my eyes but I knew she was playing so I sassed her back.

"Yes, you are very well formed in certain places." I smacked my rump at her and giggled as she laughed and wagged a finger my way.

"Come now, let's get you ready. Twilight is not that long and my canvas needs quite a bit of work." She motioned me to the vanity where she had pulled up a small stool.

"Thanks a lot." I grinned at her teasing comment as I slid onto the stool and let her work her magic.

The dress was every bit as pretty on me as I knew it would be. The floor-length gown had a tight bodice that hugged my curves well. There was a V shaped waistline that was accented by a golden belt. The material itself was thick and designed with paisley patterns that were white, gray and red mixed with hints of gold that made the belt and my eyes match wonderfully. My mother clapped her hands as I turned once she had finished fastening the last button.

"You look so beautiful!" She gushed at me as she adjusted the last minute twinge of hair that would not behave. I stared at myself in the mirror and frowned. She noticed. "What's the matter? Did I miss something?"

"Yes." I sighed. I didn't want to get into my love life with my mother, but this was important. "If Harris sees me like this, it will hurt him."

"What do you mean?" She tilted her head in confusion so I had to explain about his declaration of being in love with me. I did not tell her of the previous moments we had shared together. That was not this future so I attempted to put it out of my mind. I was making a new future now and I did not want Harris to be a part of it. Not in that way.

"I love Dox, mother." I stated firmly when it looked as if she would argue.

"I understand, but sometimes our emotions can be mixed with desires and sometimes lust can fool us into thinking we love someone." I knew she meant well, but her words did nothing to help me.

"I love him, mother." I emphasized the word 'love'.

"Very well, you don't have to wed Harris tonight." When she saw my exasperated expression, mother quickly added, "Or any time if you don't want to do such. I just want to see you happy."

"I will be once I find Dox." I stared at myself in the mirror and appreciated my mother's effort as I spoke. My long flamed hair was curled in individual curls that gave it fullness. My eyes were highlighted by a beige powder that accented the dress. My lips were a rosy color that made them look fuller than they were naturally. My mother was talented.

"Well, for now, please simply attempt to enjoy the evening. Stop worrying so much because it will do no one any good to worry." She lifted my chin and stared at my gray eyes. "All right, little girl?"

"All right, mi-ma." When I used the nickname I had used as a child, her face lit up and she smiled warmly at me, pulling me into a quick hug after.

When there was a knock at the door, my heart began to race. Why? What was the excitement? It was not important enough to warrant any sort of nervousness from me! I watched as mother approached the door and opened it to reveal Harris. He looked different. His hair had been cut shorter to the original above the ear length he wore when I had first met him and he had shaved his face, leaving it smooth, which made him look younger. He wore a white lace-up top that flowed to his wrists and black pants and matching boots. He looked quite suave and debonair.

"Oh Maker! Cecilia, you look beautiful." He gaped at me as he entered but I was too busy appreciating his appearance to reply until mother nudged me and I focused.

"Thank you. You do as well." I let him take my hand and together we went down a few halls that would lead to the courtyard entrance. Once we arrived, Harris paused and turned to me.

"You are stunning without all of the fancying up." He stared hungrily at my body as he spoke. "But you look simply amazing now. That dress is… stunning. You're so…"

"Stunning?" I giggled and then grimaced when I realized it felt like Harris was courting me.

"Yes." He stepped in and pressed his lips against my cheek. "Thank you for walking with me."

"It's not a bother." I shrugged, trying to act as if it did not matter to me. But if I had to be honest with myself, watching the guards stare at me with opened mouths as we passed by and seeing Harris peacocking with me on his arm, made me feel special.

"What?" Harris nudged me gently with the arm he was letting me hold onto for support. "Why are you smiling?"

"Oh," I wasn't aware that I had been. "I was simply thinking about a peacock."

"Ha, you mean me, don't you? I wouldn't compare me with one of those birds from Orlais…" Harris winked. "Because that would make you a pea-hen!" He laughed loud at the scrunched up expression I made and I had to laugh as well.

After we had walked a short distance, we turned, preparing to walk back. We had made small talk about our time growing up here and we attempted to recall various places we might have played or hid while children. We came to a small garden off of the main part of the Keep and stopped, enjoying the beautiful flowers that were in bloom.

"Here." Harris leaned over and plucked one of the smaller flowers, white with a yellow center, and pushed it gently into my hair above my ear. "Excellent." He nodded in approval and then leaned over and pressed his lips against my forehead.

"Harris…" I would have said more, but he put a finger against my lips. My eyes protested since I knew he wouldn't allow my lips to do so when he pulled me in and kissed me. I was unresponsive, of course, because I did not want to have any interaction, but the moon was out fully, temping me to relax my resolution just for a moment. I couldn't, though! I knew if I let him in, I'd end up in his bed tonight and I couldn't do that.

"I love you, Cecilia." He attempted to kiss me again but I moved my head to the side. "Why can't you see how right I am for you? I am here. No one else is by your side, but me. ME. Please allow yourself to love me back? Just until you choose to love another." He was purposely avoiding saying Dox's name and I knew why. He was a manipulator. And a good one at that.

"I'm going back to my room. Thank you for the lovely walk." I did not allow him to protest, but hastily made my way back to my room alone. I crushed the flower he had given me under my heel and sighed in relief as I undressed from the beautiful gown, leaving on just my small clothes, and slid into the bed. Being so near Harris when he was so appealing to me had been difficult. It would have been so easy to give in to him. But I couldn't. My heart would remain with Dox. Even if I found he had died again, I would not give it away so easily, so soon.

I had not been asleep long when something woke me with a start. I felt the bed shift slightly and froze as I realized I was no longer alone. When arms slid around my waist I nearly howled in anger. How could he? How dare he!
"Leave, Harris. Now!" My tone was steely as I shoved at his arms. "I will not succumb to you. I will no longer be your lover! I told you this how many times now? Our time is past. Leave now or I will call for the guard."

But it was not Harris…

To be Continued