-A Note: I know you all are really looking forward to this chapter so I wouldn't take it up with long notes. ;-) enjoy.
I take a seat next to Spencer about twenty minutes before the ceremony starts. The hall is beautiful with white flowers everywhere and it causes my heart to further break. At this point, I didn't even know there's was anything left to break but I can still feel it. I can still feel the deep agonizing burn spawn from the physical tearing of the fragile pieces. The flowers, the dress, the ceremony, it should all be for us, Emily and I, not them. This should have been my day, my life, but instead my existence has turned into nothing but torture. I thought I had escaped but I was wrong. This was just more agony and I'm inflicting it upon myself. Why did come here? As if she knows how bad I'm hurting, I feel Spencer put a hand on my knee and squeeze my hand that is resting there.
"You ok?" I look at her but I can't answer. I don't know if I'm ok. I've made my peace with Emily but I'm still more than hurting inside. "To be honest, I didn't think you'd even come. I mean you were cutting it pretty close on time, huh?" I continue to look into her eyes, my own growing sadder by the second.
"I've been here for a little while," I mutter as I slouch into my chair, trying to hide in plain sight as Spencer releases her shoulders knowing what I just did.
"You went and saw her, didn't you?" I can only nod my head; if I speak I know I'll lose it in front of all the people continuing to file into the room.
"Paige...," she breathes out to me, "Why do that to yourself? Aren't you hurting enough already?" I shrug as I look at her over my shoulder, letting out a long, deep breath. I am hurting enough already, more than enough but I had to see her.
"I just needed to see her Spence; just one more time before she's officially Stephanie's forever." She looks into my eyes with sad understanding, squeezing my hand again. There's nothing left to say. Word can't stop the inevitable.
As the minutes past by agonizingly slow, I grow more and more unnerved. I don't know how I'm going to handle this, if I even can handle this. Spencer's right, why am I torturing myself like this? I've been here for Emily, I've supported her and I've loved her throughout this whole affair, so why am I inflicting more pain upon myself? Haven't I endured enough pain, both physically and mentally over the last few years?
With only about a couple minutes left before the ceremony, the hall is fairly full with both brides' friends and family. I make the decision that the fragile pieces of my heart aren't strong enough to get through this.
"I can't do this," I sigh out to Spencer as I stand up causing her to look up to me with sad eyes.
"Are you sure?" She knows it's for the best, we both do; but she knows me well enough to ask anyways. She knows I wouldn't have come if I didn't think I needed to, if I didn't think I could make it but it turns out I was wrong.
"I can't, Spence. Will you tell her I'm sorry...? Please?" My eyes are beginning to tear again, my voice weak and cracking.
"Of course," she says grabbing my hand again to give it yet another small squeeze. "Call us if you need anything." I acknowledge her offer with a nod as I am afraid my voice will betray my small amount of outward strength. Giving the other two girls seated next to her a short wave goodbye, I grab my coat and walk down the aisle to the doorway of the hall. Outside, the Earth looks as if it too is dressed up for the wedding with snow falling lightly, adding to the already existent blanket of white. I would find it beautiful in any other situation but at this moment I'm too sad, depressed and lost to see the beauty in the crisp clean landscape before me. Instead, I pull the collar of my coat up and begin to walk down the stairs of the building to head to my truck.
"NO! PAIGE, WAIT!" I hear a voice calling out when I reach the bottom. I recognize it immediately. I want to keep walking, to run and not stop. She wouldn't be able to keep up in that dress and heels, but my heart is so badly hers that I turn around slowly and look up meeting eyes with Emily on the top step. I don't know why she's there instead of walking down the aisle and I definitely don't understand why she keeps doing this to me. Hasn't my heart been destroyed enough? Is she really going to ask me to go back in there and watch her pledge her love to someone else?
"I'm sorry, Em. I just... I can't," I mutter out as she gets closer to me. I want to spew out more. I want her to know how hurt I am and how much I can't do this anymore but the words don't come. I dip my head down so she doesn't see my face growing red and flowing with tears. She's right in front of me now. I can feel the heat from her body. I can smell the sweet, soft smell of her perfume. I can see the hem of her white dress almost blending with the snow beneath it. It's killing me.
"I know," she says, her voice soft. "Neither can I." The words don't register in my mind for several seconds. When they do, I look up at her, full of hope, not sure if my mind is playing tricks on me. Does she mean what I think she means? Am I dreaming?
"I can't, because she's not you Paige. I love you. I love you more than anything. You make me happy. I'm so sorry it took me this long to remember that I don't want to ever be without you ever again." Her eyes are full of tears that match the ones dripping down my cheeks. Looking into those deep, dark eyes in this moment, I feel all the pieces of my heart pull back together in one instant as if someone snapped their fingers and my heart became whole again. She's choosing me. She wants ME. She loves ME. I don't blink, I don't breathe, I don't waste another second before grabbing behind her neck and pulling her into the sweetest and most passionate kiss we've ever shared and might ever share in our lifetime. I hold her tight, kissing her over and over again as she reciprocates every one, as lost in the moments as I am. The world could be crumbling to pieces around us and neither of us would even notice a tremor or a flake of ash. All that matters right now is that our hearts have finally found each other once again. I pull back enough to look her in the eyes, cupping her face with my hands.
"I love you," I say beaming at her through the tears. My heart is now bursting with so much love and happiness as a result of having my true love finally and truly back in my arms again.
"I'm so sorry I hurt you Paige." I wipe the tears under her eyes away with my thumbs not wanting to relinquish my hold on her. I'm never letting go of her again.
"None of that matters now," I say gazing deeply into her eyes. "We're here now... together." I pull her back into me, kissing her again long and slow, soaking in every second; every detail of this moment. Her lips taste perfect. Her hands on my back, holding me closer than I ever thought was possible, feel amazing. Those hands were made to fit there or anywhere on my body. Our lips were designed to fit together. I never want her to let go. I never want our hold on each other to end. I pull back just enough to rest our heads together; I want to stay as close to her as possible, for as long as possible. Our warm breaths intermingle with each other creating one almost transparent cloud against the cold February air. I close my eyes, blissful in the moment, my heart bursting with love.
"I love you, Paige. I really love you," she breathes out, leaning back to look into my eyes. There they are. Those words I've been longing to hear again for years. Emily Fields loves me.
"I love you too, Emily. I love you more than I'll ever be able to describe." The smile on my face grows with every second she's still in my arms.
"Now and forever?" She asks sweetly as she places a hand on my cheek, her smile growing as well. Her deep brown eyes are soft and warm as she gazes into mine. I can once again see the love she has for me in them and I can feel my heart soaring because of it.
"Now and forever, Emily," I answer, repeating my words from a long time ago. "I will always love you."