Hyde's Christmas Rager

-You make my heart skip a beat.-

The whole gang was standing in Hyde's dad's apartment.

"All right, Hyde! Your dad's apartment is the perfect place for a party. It's already trashed," Eric said.

"Hey, even if only half the people we invited show up, this party's gonna rock!" Kelso cried.

"Did you find the cups?" Jackie asked him.

"Nope. Even better. A plastic tube and a funnel."

"All this and a dirty funnel? Merry Christmas to me," Fez said.

"You guys, a funnel? Do you know how many people's mouths are gonna be on that thing? That's disgusting!" I cried.

"But we don't even have to worry about germs because even though our spit backs up in the tube, the alcohol kills 'em," Kelso argued and I wrinkled up my nose in disgust.

"We're leaving," Donna said and I nodded.

"So leaving," Jackie agreed.

"Bye, babe," I said and gave Hyde a kiss beforeI turned to leave with Donna and Jackie.

"Wait. You're leaving?" Eric asked.

Yeah, see...when I was a little girl, I made a promise to myself. Self, I said, if you're ever about to suck beer out of a funnel that might give you mono, don't. So bye-bye," Donna said and the three of us left.

"They are so gross!" Jackie moaned. "So gross that it's...wrong!"

***

"Ooh. Listen to this. 'Corner Him Under the Mistletoe: 8 Ways to Trick a Guy Into a Relationship.' I love the holidays," Jackie said, flipping through a magazine. The three of us were sitting on the Forman's couch.

"Yeah. Hanging your stockings, putting cookies out for Santa, setting a man trap. Mmm, Christmas," Donna mocked and I snickered.

"Santa should hand his job right over to you," I said. "You're the merriest of all."

"This will be my first Christmas without a boyfriend, you know," Jackie said.

"And Jesus wept," Donna said.

"So here's my new plan for the year: but some really cute tops, fly to Hollywood and marry Lee Majors. Make fun of that. I dare you!" Jackie cried.

"Jackie, there are so many ways to make fun of that , I don't even know where to start. It's like choosing your favorite jelly bean," Donna said.

"Really, Jackie."

"Be nice to me, you guys! I'm lonely. I mean, okay, if there was mistletoe hanging over me right now, who would kiss me? No one, that's who."

"I would,"I said and Donna and Jackie stared at me.

"I didn't mean it that way, God!"

***

I was up in the room that Laurie and I shared, reading a book. Jackie had dragged Donna to some bar to meet men. She tried to get me to go, too, but I pretty much said 'no freakin way.'

Here comes Laurie.

"Brat. Get out," she snapped and I looked up to see a guy standing next to her.

"This is my room, too, you know," I argued.

"Well, make yourself scarce or I'll just have to let it slip to Donna what I caught you and my little brother doing in my bed that time!" she sneered and my eyes widened.

"Okay!" I cried and bolted.

That was going to be on my conscience forever. And Laurie would make damn sure that it did.