Tori's POV
He kisses my chin and my neck, and I kiss his hands, and his mouth and it's dark and it's as great as it as always is. I'm so glad I didn't wait too long to have sex... I'm starting to think those few days were a waste of time already... He runs his hand on my leg and lifts my thigh and I arch my back being unable to do anything but, god, this...is... so... good. I dig my nails on his back to keep me from screaming.
He rolls us over so I'm on top, and I rest my arms on his chest "Let's go again?" I say, and he crashes his lips against mine again. When someone bangs at the door.
"Tori, open the door for a second!" I roll my eyes, and he sights.
"She has the perfect timing doesn't she?" he says, and I give him a brief kiss before sitting up.
"Give me your shirt" I whisper, mostly by habit because I'm pretty sure my Mom knows I'm not alone in here. I get the shirt from his hand, and go over to the door, leaving it half opened so she can't see inside.
"Hey baby..." She looks at me, and frowns. Today she's wearing a sequined green dress cut out in her mid tight, it's quite disturbing. "Is Beck in there with you?"
I try to hide the smile on my face, but fail miserably on it. "No, why do you ask?" I rest my head on the door, and she tries to look inside, but I block her.
"Well I just didn't know you had an oversized AC/DC shirt, I thought you didn't like that band" Impressive, she knows I'm not a fan of that band, she forgets the date of my birthday, but holds on to the fact that there might be a boy on my room. Which would make sense, IF SHE HADN'T ASKED ME FOR A CONDOM.
"What is it?"
"This just got in the mail" she hands me a big envelope, oh my god "it's from UCLA"
I take it from her hand and shut the door, locking it. Some people might think that was rude, but it doesn't even take half a second for me to hear her heels clacking away. She knows I don't lie a band, but she's not interested weather I got into college or not.
I turn on the light on my nightstand, and sit down in front of Beck, staring at the envelope in my hands. I think this is the only time I'll be in front of him, only wearing his black boxers, and not have every fiber of my body waiting to jump his bones. "Ok, let's see" I rip the top off, and pull out the letter from inside of it. "It's with great pleasure that I... I got in" I wrap my arms around his neck, and he rests his hand on the back of my head. "I got in" I repeat, putting the letter aside and staring blankly at the wall, feeling the weight of the clock.
I think about the past, and feel it fading away with the weight of the future getting heavier by the minute. It makes it almost impossible to enjoy the present. I'll make it through this time, I tried to quit once and I failed, I just have to be aware that it'll only get worse. And that I'll need better distractions from now on.
I turn on the light on my nightstand, and even thought I can't see it, I know he's looking straight into my eyes. Trying to figure me out, but right now, I can't handle it. I push him back down on the bed, and trail kisses down his neck and chest... Good distractions...
From: Andre Harris
To: Tori Vega
Spring Break party in my house at 9:00 PM! BRING YOUR OWN SHOES!
I wipe out the tears from my eyes, and put the phone away. Today was the last day of classes, Beck had this audition so I'm alone. Spring break starts today, and most people will travel since it's senior year and we should use this time to hang out with our friends for the last time, Beck and I decided it was best to just stay in LA, since we would end up doing the same stuff we can do in my house or his RV. After that we have senior year's final semester, then graduation, then summer, then college.
And it'll all be over.
His acceptance letter arrived two weeks after mine, and like I figured, it's getting worse again. Even when I'm with him, I'm not the same. The only proof I have that the pills I'm taking work is that I have been officially one month clean of cutting, but that doesn't really seem to be helping with anything.
The clock in the back of my mind is ticking louder and louder by the minute. Every time he says he loves me, or when he holds my hand and kisses me with that half smile on his face. All I can think is that someday, I might not have that, and that I'll probably spend most of my future life without hearing his voice or kissing his neck or sing along with him in the car on our way to school. There's too much pain, everywhere, my room, his RV, school, even when we drive by the private garden... all I get is pain.
Just thinking about it got me started crying all over again.
I grab my phone to text Andre back, when it rings, it's Beck. I swallow the crying voice, and smile in front of the mirror. In a weird way, it makes pretending to be happy easier "Hey"
"Are we going to Andre's party?" His voice is calm, and I could hear him talk all day long.
"Yeah, it should be fun"
"What time do you want me to pick you up?" Someday, he might delete my number from his phone, and...and... oh god not again.
"I forgot to tell you, Cat wants to come by earlier and do weird Cat things so I'm gonna go with her, ok?"
"Yeah, ok I'll meet you there at eleven?"
"Eleven's great"
"Alright, I love you"
"I love you more"
I hang up, and dial Cat's number, I'm in the need of anything that can keep me from thinking like this again.
It's Sophie's Choice. I either give up college and the city where I'm most likely to land a job, to be loved like I am now, and be frustrated for not pursuing my career. Or choose college, and possible jobs, and losing him, forever. This is all I can think of, and I don't like it, not at all.
"Tori!" I get in the car, and Robbie waves hello before Cat starts to talk about how exited she is to go to Julliard, and that we need to celebrate Senior year's final semester. Why is everyone only talking about school?! "So, my brother gave me some good stuff" she opens her purse, and...oh no.
"Cat! Coke? Really?" I scream/whisper, and she waves the small bag in the air.
"It's been so long since the last time we did it, and you said you needed to relax, so..."
"So coke does the opposite effect, remember?" She puts the bag back inside her heart shaped purse, and jumps to the front seat, making Robbie pull over, freaking the fuck out.
"CAT!" he yells, taking his asthma medication "I told you not to do this when I'm driving! It frightens me!"
"...sorry..." He starts the car, and she jumps back to back seat.
"OHMYGOD!" he squeaks, god they're weird.
"Keep driving!" she yells back, and always, he does what he's told. "He also gave me that thing you used to love, and these pills, I don't know for sure what they do, but he said he sold lots of them"
She grabs a random bong from the floor and puts the 'thing I used to love' in it lighting it up. If you asked me to describe my junior year in one word, that word would be salvia. It felt so good, I was high all the time; until we had a health class and I learned about what any kind of smoke can do to your voice.
Of course back then, I didn't have suicidal thoughts back then, or had to choose between the love of my life or my career, and all the other shitty things in life. And plus, one night won't screw me up forever. I grab the bong and take a hit, blowing off the smoke very fast to take another one "and when we finish I have weed too, but Andre wants it, so I.."
"...Just stop talking Cat" the feeling is so good, and I feel like there are pretty unicorns surrounding us everywhere.
"Here!" Robbie parks the car, and takes the pretty magic bong from my hands, and me a bottle of something green. I don't really car what it is, as long as it's strong. "Jeez Tori! You practically smoked it all by yourself"
"Shut up Robbie!" I take a sip, and it's really tasty... Like strong elves.
"Why let's go!" Cat drags us both inside, and I don't know why but she puts this pill in my hand and my first instinct was to take it, so I did. But I don't feel any different yet. "C'mon Tori we found Andre" I jump in excitement following them downstairs to Andre's super cool room, and they're all laughing which makes me want to laugh too.
I throw the empty green bottle aside and take a hit from the thing they're passing on "This isn't strong enough!" I tell her, because I can still think about Beck, and I don't want to feel pain anymore. "Cat I need more!"
Beck's POV
I park in front of the garden, that unfortunately is still locked, and walk to Andre's house, I could hear the music from blocks away. I don't know how he does it to keep the police away, I just know that they never show up, and that is why he's always the one to throw parties.
I get to the front lawn, and it's all to familiar. The same scenery as that first party, my first Hollywood Arts party, I didn't even make it past the front door. "BECK!"
Tori comes running in my direction, stumbling down and falling on top of this couple making out on the floor. And I get an awful feeling that history will repeat itself. "oh my good..." I pull her up, and her knee is bleeding, how ironic. "are you ok?"
"I'M AWESOME!" she's completely hyper, red puffy eyes and dilated pupils, also a really strong alcohol breath. This is not good.
"what did you take?" I ask, trying to make some sense out of her but it's pointless.
"Apples are falling out of your butt!" I roll my eyes, and hold her by her shoulders. "LET'S GO BACK!"
She tries to run inside, but has no strength to do so "Tori, listen to me, what did you take?"
"There were all those foods to smoke" she laughs, throwing her head back and almost falling down again, but I catch her. I try to lead her to the car, but just like before, she fights me.
"c'mon" I pick her up, and she starts slapping by back claiming that there are purple midgets in the tree telling the best jokes. What happened? Last time she acted like this was when I found out about her cutting! What could be as bad as that for her?
"Hey B-Beck" I shut her door after buckling her seatbelt "I think it'll be hard to drive with that elephant on the backseat...that tea was really good wasn't it?" I drive off, and as soon as we stop at a sign she crosses her arms, furrowing her eyebrows "I don't want to go to your RV, it hurts too much"
"What, why?" I glance at her, but turn my head back as soon as the light turns green "Do you want me to take you home?" I take a turn, and stop at yet another sign "Tor?" I look at... oh my god "TORI!"
A/N: Pretty please leave a review! It's really important to me guys, and I hate to beg :( Love,
- Kiribati