AN –An update? How strange. Hope you like. x

"You're freaking kidding me, right?" Rosalie jumped up from her bed. I couldn't tell if she was angry or excited or both. I shook my head, it seemed inappropriate to actually answer her question. I was pretty sure it was rhetorical anyway. "Well then, you might get out of here before me. That blows. Finally someone I can get along with, and they get to leave."

"It's not definite yet. My doctor from Greenside still has to actually convince both hospitals it's the best thing."

Rosalie sighed, sitting back down. "I guess it annoys me because I know it's what's best for you. I know it's going to happen. I'll just miss you."

"You know, Rose. We could always stay friends after this. Lord knows I need new friends, and you're probably the closest thing I have to a best friend at the moment. So if I do go back to Greenside, why don't we just make sure we keep in contact? I have a cell phone. It's currently locked away from me so I can't use it, but I can give you the number, and so when you get out of here, you can call me, or text me, and we can meet up again." I knew that I sounded desperate, but as happy as I was to have a chance to get back to Greenside, I really didn't want to lose the friend I had come to find in Rosalie.

"I was hoping you'd say something like that. I guess I just don't want to lose the one friend I seem to have at the moment." Rosalie looked like she was about to cry. "I don't think I'm ever going to get out of here. I'm trying so hard but no one is giving me any indication I'm getting better. Emmett is the only nurse here who actually seems to acknowledge my efforts."

"Rose, you will get better. I know you will. I know you will because when you get out of here you have to jump Emmett's bones." I couldn't believe I'd just said that and broke down into laughter. Rosalie joined me, the topic quickly changed from me leaving into what Emmett would be like in bed.

"Alice, sit down," Doctor Cullen said patiently.

I took a seat on one a chair outside. It was a sunny afternoon, and Doctor Cullen had come with his answer as to whether or not I could come back to Greenside or not. It had been 3 days since he took me to the park.

There were two nurses with him, one of them Emmett, the other a female nurse I'd seen around from time to time.

"Well, Alice, how are you going today?" Emmett spoke first.

I looked at them with confusion. "I'm good, thanks..." I said hesitantly. I never did understand why people insisted on small talk, especially when there was obviously a huge freaking elephant standing on the top of the fucking table.

"Alice before we start, we need to ask you a question and we need you to answer with all honesty." It was Doctor Cullen speaking this time.

I nodded. "Shoot."

"If you go back to Greenside tomorrow, where do you see yourself in a month from now?"

Okay, that was a tough one. I had so many things I knew I wanted in my life, but I'd always felt like there was never any way for me to achieve them, or that I wasn't good enough to have them. Lately, there had been a little bit of hope shining toward that again. I hadn't been able to voice them though, for fear that once I did, they would automatically become impossible to achieve.

I spoke, slowly at first, "I hope... I want to see myself starting to set up a new apartment. I suppose I would also really like to look into to enrolling in a college course. I'd like to have a job. But that might be too much to hope for in a month. I can see myself out of hospital. I think I'm nearly ready. There are just a few things I need to do before I leave."

Doctor Cullen nodded. "I have convinced the hospitals to transfer you again Alice, but there's a catch."

"Mmm?" Why did there always have to be a catch?

"You have to apply for jobs while you're with us. Once you have a job, you'll continue your treatment with us, but you'll start to look for somewhere to live. Once that's lined up, you'll move in there, and continue to have regular sessions with myself as an outpatient. As for enrolling in college, I think that would be a fantastic idea, but one that I think you should think about very carefully."

I didn't say anything. It all seemed overwhelming. But at the same time I knew that it was something I had to do. I couldn't leave hospital and go back to where I was before.

"Do you agree with that? Is it a fair plan?"

My hands fidgeted with the hem of my tee-shirt. "Yes. It's just scary to think about. It'll be a lot of work."

"We know, trust me. But it'll be easier for you to do it when you're with us than when you leave. The extra support, we hope, will make the transition out of hospital less of a shock to the system. There are, obviously, other things we will discuss when you come back."

I felt like I was going to vomit. I was happy about going back, and I could finally see an end (a good one) to all of this mess. But at the same time I was so nervous. There was so much to do, and it seemed like it needed to be done in such a short period of time.

Jasper...

I would see Jasper again.

Is he even still there?

It was burning question, but one that seemed far too inappropriate to ask. I didn't want Doctor Cullen and the others to think that I wanted to go back for the wrong reasons. It would make me ecstatic to see Jasper again. I missed him like nothing I thought I was capable off. That wasn't the reason I wanted to go back to Greenside though.

"Well then Alice." Doctor Cullen stood up. "Shall we take that as a yes, you'd like to come back?"

"Doctor Cullen, I will be packed and ready to go as soon as you need me to be."

Two hours and a whole lot of paperwork later, I was standing in front of Rosalie.

"I really am going to miss you, Alice. You've been awesome."

I smiled. "I'll miss you too, Rose. It's not going to be that long though. Remember, you're going to get out of here soon too. Then we can catch up and talk about how you finally got Emmett."

Rosalie laughed. "I may get out of here, but don't get your hopes up about Emmett." She stepped in and wrapped her arms around me tightly. "Be safe."

I stepped away, "I promise". With her number in my pocket, I made my way to the nurses' desk to let them know I was ready to go.

The ride back to Greenside was uneventful. The two nurses and psychologist escorting me made small talk, but mainly it was just awkward. After 10 minutes of them trying to force conversation about where I grew up and at one stage even a lively conversation about how coffee was best made, we ended up sitting in silence for the rest of the trip.

It felt surreal stepping out of the car and seeing Greenside again. I hadn't actually taken much notice of the front before. As far as hospitals felt, it felt welcoming. There were stretches of garden beds, with birds drinking out of a bird bath. If it was anywhere except a psych ward, I would have thought it was almost peaceful. I suppose in a way it still was.

A nurse came to meet me outside. I turned to look at her. "Chantelle!" I smiled, quite genuinely.

"Welcome back, Alice." Chantelle placed a hand on my shoulder, gently guiding me inside. "We're a bit short staffed today, so I won't be able to stay with you for long. Doctor Cullen said he'd be around in about an hour to see you. In the meantime, I'll get you set up in your room. Unfortunately for you, you have to have a room close to the nurses' desk now."

I nodded, but I wasn't really listening. My eyes were caught on a mop of blonde hair, attached to the most beautiful face I'd ever seen.

Not to mention that body.

I'd forgotten how… amazing… Jasper looked. He didn't seem to have noticed me, and he turned to walk down the corridor to his rooms.

My heart sunk a little. I don't know why, and I know it was irrational, but I sort of thought that maybe he'd notice me.

Alice, stop.

I chided myself. I couldn't let this get in the way. There was so much that I needed to do now. So much that I needed to think about.

I needed to make a list.

AN – I do like lists. They make me pretty happy. I spend more time making lists of things that I should do and that I need than I do actually doing the things I should be doing. It could be the procrastinator in me, and it explains why I take so long to update.