Oh my gosh! To all of you wonderful readers I am so sorry! School just got so overwhelming and busy that this story was put on the back burner. I am so sorry everyone, there it no excuse for such a long wait in between chapters. For those of you that sent me messages, thank you. I appreciate the concern. Everything is fine I just have had a bunch of school projects and homework for the past few months. AP classes do that to you. Haha. Again, I am so sorry and I hope you can forgive me and still enjoy the story. In payment, everyone gets more flashbacks and memory reliving. Plus, we are getting closer and closer to the real story line once again…and Damon meeting up with Elena. ;) On top of that, this chapter will be very long so I am warning you now. I hope all of this is enough to make up for my absence. So everyone, please enjoy and I hope to hear your thoughts and comments when you are done reading. Enjoy! -I Own Nothing but the Idea -Lioness002
While remembering all of these events with Elena has been enlightening, it is starting to piss me off. Not only is it because these memories are keeping me from actually getting to her, but because I am not the one reaping the benefits of her growing affection. I am not the one receiving her lingering glances or touches, no; I'm the one getting the second hand, play-by-play movie of how she is falling in love with my human self. Life is just twisted and unfair sometimes.
"Why are you looking at me in that way? Is anything the matter?" I heard myself ask worriedly as my eyes glowed with warmth and concern. Elena smiled faintly and gazed at me in a dazed state; she looked like she was really thinking about something or someone. Then again, that is also the sort of look I get whenever she tries to hide the fact that she is thinking about me or she is attracted to me, so either way that's a good sign.
"No," she giggled softly after a moment. "I'm just thinking…again." I rolled my eyes and sighed. What's she thinking of, Stefan or human me? I have really hit a low if I'm getting bitter and jealous of myself. For once, I want Elena to acknowledge her feeling for me so I don't have to jump through flaming hops to earn a simple head nod or half smile. I want it to be real; I want to feel her love.
"Of what?" I asked curiously as my brows furrowed in confusion. What could she be thinking about right now as she looks at me with her beautiful doe eyes? Is it wrong for me wish she is thinking of me? I shook my head faintly and smirked to myself. This woman continues to interest and astound me and I just cannot stay away.
"You." She answered after a few moments of silence. Elena brushed her hair behind her ear and smiled at me faintly. I would be lying if I said I was not heartened by the thought that she was thinking of me.
There was a quick jump in the memory as my vision blurred and the memory distorted. I lost sight of Elena and I felt fear grip me, I want to go back, I want to see what happens. She's thinking about me, she wants to know me. I blank rapidly for a second before I was hurtled back into the memory. What was that? I thought suspiciously before I heard Elena continue to speak.
"You're interesting to me; you're different in this time than you are in the future." Elena said blushing sweetly as she turned a faint cherry color. I felt my heart clench uncomfortably in my chest as I bit the inside of my cheek. Is this going to be a good or a bad moment for us? Usually when she talks about me she realizes her feeling are unimportant and she buries them because of her 'undying love for Stefan'. Right. But what does she think about me now? Do I care? I paused for a second before I shook my head and snorted. Of course I do, I wouldn't be standing here anxiously if I didn't.
"How so?" I asked curiously as I moved slightly closer to her on the bed. I gulped and moved closer to the scene, Elena's heart rate was steadily increasing and my human self's was racing. Am I excited to hear what she has to say as a human too? How strange.
"Well, for one, you're a lot nicer…and less cocky." I felt any and all hope crumble the second the words left her lips. Of course she would paint me in a bad light, and of course she would think I'm worse as a vampire than as a human. I'm the big bad self-serving psychopath with no redeeming qualities.
"Am I? I've always been told I think to highly of myself." I mumbled self consciously as I stared at Miss Elena's angelic face. She trusts me so; I wish I could show her I feel the same.
"Well, later, when I meet you, your ego is sky high." She giggled awkwardly as I sat silently on the bed. I absorbed what she said for a moment before smiling softly and shrugging to myself. It's not as bad as I expected, a huge ego isn't the worst thing to come from becoming a vampire. Maybe I'm not so bad as a vampire. Vampire…I'm supposed to be a vampire. The word stopped my thoughts in their tracks and I sat puzzled. How is it that the idea still frightens me? Why does it make me feel so dead inside? Why does the idea of becoming a vampire suddenly feel so wrong? Have I hurt Miss Elena?
"Then why do put up with me if I am so horrid?" I asked trying to kick away my depressing and confusing thoughts. "I sound like a scoundrel." I said teasingly as I tried to hide my discomfort. Miss Elena's gaze cut into me and I knew she was watching my reaction closely. I gulped and averted my gaze; this information was bothering me, and for some reason it was as if Miss Elena could read my mind. It's as if she knew I was bothered by thoughts of the future.
"You are…sometimes." Elena said pursing her lips in thought. "More or less I think you are so cocky because you are afraid to let people in and actually feel." Instantly I felt my eyes widened as I stared between Elena and my human self. Pain flashed across my human self's face, but I was more or less struck dumb. Since when had she come to this conclusion? Since when did she stop thinking I was just a jackass for no reason and decide there was another reason? Since when has she even cared? I'm not surprised she thinks there is more to me, I'm just surprised she actually can see the real me. I'm surprised she can get past my façade and realize it is actually a barrier. Elena, you continue to astound and amaze me. I'm cocky, sure, but the fact that she knows it's a ploy means that she's paying more attention than I ever gave her credit for. It's nice to know that someone is actually paying attention. "But from what I've heard and now seen, I get it." She said sympathetically as her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. Does she feel sorry for me? Does she really care about me? I blew out a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair. The second I meet up with Elena in the near future, she is going to have some serious explaining to do.
"You still didn't answer my question." I said as my eyes narrowed slightly at the nearby wall and my grip tightened on my knees. Stay calm Damon, just because she understands me does not mean she thinks I'm a terrible person. There is still a chance she can feel something for me. Elena shimmied her fingers gingerly through her hair and bit her lip as she stared quietly at me. Those actions were two of her biggest tells, you could always tell when she felt uncomfortable or nervous when she did one or both of those things.
"You're my friend." Elena said as she stared at me sadly. I scoffed and crossed my arms, here comes the 'we're just friends' speech. Why does she have to bring that up every time we make any progress in our relationship? It's like she has to keep reminding me that it is always going to be Stefan because she is unsure about it herself. "Hey." She whispered suddenly crawling forward and taking my hand in hers. My attention instantly shifted to our connected hands and I felt my heart clench in excitement. Last memory we almost kissed after she took care of me and the sexual tension had been so thick you would have had to cut it with a chainsaw, any physical contact was just another opportunity for something to happen, so I was all for it. My human self looked startled at the sudden contact as I turned to look back at her. My eyes scanned over her uneasily and I faintly heard myself gulp. "Nobody's perfect, Damon. You have flaws, and I have experienced them. You are impatient, you don't think before you act, arrogant, and very stubborn," She said holding my gaze. I sighed and ran my hand over my face in irritation, how can we be so sexually charged while we have these awkward conversations? Is it because I am the third wheel that I feel so weird? I rolled my eyes and shook my head, it doesn't matter. I guess I have to remember to thank Elena for reminding me that I'm not perfect. Newsflash, this is nothing new Elena. I know I am a screw up, so why don't you just open up old wounds for me? Please, remind me why I am so unworthy of your love. I thought bitterly. "But when you are with me," she continued taking a breath, "I see something so pure, sincere, passionate, and loving that it takes my breath away." I pursed my lips and smiled faintly, that was not where I expected this conversation to go. She thinks I have good inside of me? I take her breath away, and in a good way? My heart thumped happily in my chest and I couldn't help the smile that graced my lips, I can't believe she thinks I am pure, passionate, and loving. And I can't believe she is acknowledging my effort to change for her. I smiled and gazed warmly at Elena as my heart continued to sing happily. Call me a sap, but that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. No one has ever taken the time to realize that I have good inside of me, that is, no one until Elena.
I really need to sort out what I am feeling because my emotions are all over the place. It must be from my human self, that is the only possible answer. I have much better control over my emotions than this. Since I can feel some physical things, I must be able to feel emotional things as well. "You show me the part of you that you hide from everybody else, and that is why you are my friend. I don't look at the negatives in a person, Damon, I look at the positives."
And just like all the other times, the memory ended all too soon and I was hurtled out of one memory and straight into another. The last memory left me with questions, but it also left me feeling slightly better about Elena and me. We are still growing and connecting and she is still safe, I call that a win, win. However, if Elena only looks at the good in people like she said, why does she still hate me? Or does she? If she has felt and known these things all along, why hasn't she told me? Is she telling my human self all of these things because she is too afraid to say it to my face?
Once the memory and my vision cleared, I looked around and realized I was back in my room with Elena. It was brighter now, so this must be some time later. Elena was standing some distance away from my human self and glaring at me as she stood in nothing but one of my nightshirts. My eyes widened in surprise and I involuntarily licked my lips, she looked absolutely delicious in nothing but my nightshirt. Her arms were wrapped around herself tightly and I could tell that if my shirt was removed she would be almost bare for me. The idea made my mouth water and I instantly felt my body heating up. Her tan legs looked like they went on forever, and with her arms crossed across her chest her breasts were being pushed up in a tantalizing way. Did she not realize she was literally torturing me and that she looked like the epitome of sex?
The air in the room was full of sexual tension and it smelled like sex, but sadly, it didn't smell like Elena. No, it smelled like Katherine. Instantly understanding swept over me, and I felt like slapping myself in the forehead, Elena looked peeved because I slept with Katherine. But she's fine, so that means Katherine didn't find her, but that also means she must have heard and/or watched it happen. Instantly I felt guilt course through me, my own pleasure put Elena in danger. How could I have been stupid enough to bring Katherine to my room and have sex wit her when I promised to protect Elena?
My blood was boiling by this point and for the first time I was angry with my human self. How could I have been so selfish? No wonder Elena looks so scared and angry…. Angry? Why does she look angry? As I walked closer to Elena I heard her heartbeat racing, her cheeks were inflamed, and her eyes were red like she had been crying. She gazed at me stoically, as if she was trying her best not to scream in my face. Her jaw was twitching and I could tell she was using every ounce of her will power not to cry. She may have been scared of being discovered, but that wasn't the key factor in her rage. She was glaring at me like I had done something wrong, like I had hurt her in more ways than one. Was she jealous? Was she jealous that I slept with Katherine? That must be it, that is the only thing I can think of that would make her react this way towards me. I grinned deviously and rubbed my hands together in excitement. This could literally be the best thing that has ever happened to me.
"You are different you know." I heard myself murmur after a few moments of awkward silence. I watched myself get out of bed in boxers and boldly walk up to Elena. Elena stiffened and peered at me oddly, she looked incredibly confused by my comment. "Different than Katherine." I said elaborating trying to soothe Miss Elena's ruffled feathers. I gulped and felt butterflies erupt in my stomach; I felt sick and nervous all at once. Why? What is my body and heart trying to tell me? Why does it bother me that I hurt her? I just met her. But still, how could I have done that? How could I have put her in danger for my own personal gain? She could have gone anywhere, but she came to me, that must mean something. "She is hard and possessive and cruel, but you, you are soft and sweet, more innocent. You have a feeling of warmth that draws me to you like a moth to a flame." There, that's it, I feel something for her. I chuckled in awe, walked away from her, and leaned against one of my bedposts. I care about her, I feel for her. Do I love her? "I've known Katherine for months and I've only know you for a day, but I feel as if I'm already falling for you."
My whole body froze and I felt my mouth pop open in shock. Sure, I expected my human self to feel something for Elena, but not this fast. Why am I being so forward? Is this another one of those soul connection things? Shit, how is Elena going to handle this? The last time I even brought it up; she shut me down in an instant. She is terrible when it comes to confrontations, especially when they involve her precious Stefan. Well guess what Elena, your love isn't here to get you, I am. And everything had been going so well, but this right here will be the end of any and all bonding. Great. I sighed dejectedly and waited to hear Elena say that it would always be Stefan, human or not it will always be Stefan. I'm a moron to think that being human would make a difference.
I watched Elena freeze like a deer caught in headlights as her face flashed with a million different emotions. Her heart skipped a beat and I could practically hear the gears turning in her head as she absorbed what she just heard. I bowed my head slightly and let out a bitter laugh, oh well, it was nice while it lasted.
To my surprise Elena didn't freak out, she didn't even say anything; she just stood staring at me for a long time before she slowly made her way closer to me. Her bare feet thudded softly against the wooden floors as she got closer and closer to me, and with every step, her breathing and heart rate increased tenfold. My human self stood like a statue waiting for what she would say, my eyes tracked all over her face and body trying to determine what would come next. I was expecting to be rejected by her; I can read myself well enough to tell that. But what has me confused is the fact Elena isn't yelling at me or running away. Those are her go to reactions when it comes to my feelings for her. What the heck is going on? Does the fact that I am human really make that much of a difference? I held my breath as she stopped in front of me and her chocolate orbs scanned my face slowly.
"What?" She whispered softly as she raised a shaky hand and gently placed it on my cheek. For me it felt like a warm breeze or a ghostly touch, but I could feel it nonetheless. I let out a content sigh and closed my eyes for a brief second so I could just enjoy the second hand feelings I could experience from my human self. I might as well enjoy all of this considering it is technically me receiving it. Even my human self closed his eyes briefly and I wondered if he was as ecstatic about this as I was. Every touch was heaven and every time I heard Elena's heart race it gave me hope.
And just as soon as the content feelings came, they went. My eyes snapped open as Elena's warm touch disappeared and I felt the familiar sucking force as I was pushed into another memory. I stumbled through the portal and groaned and cursed under my breath, I had been enjoying myself. It's not everyday you get to realize the girl you love is jealous of your current lover. Speaking of which.
"Damon, you slept with Katherine less than twenty four hours ago. I'm not doing this with you. If you really want me you are going to have to work for it." Elena declared stubbornly from my bed as she grabbed a piece of toast and took a bite. How I wish I could go back to before 1864, life was so much easier back then. And if only I could be with Elena right now instead of my human self. But is she actually playing along? Is she motivating me to try to win her over? Did she hit her head at some point? Is she compelled? What gives?
"Then I will." I murmured stubbornly. I've never met a woman I haven't been able to woo, so winning Miss Elena over should be easy. But at the same time, I've never felt this way about any woman before, so this situation and these feelings are all new territory. I thought Miss Piece was the one for me, but I guess it just goes to show how quickly things can change. I know I care for Miss Elena, deeper than I ever expected I would when I found her in Mother's apple tree, but the real question is what does she feel for me? I want her to trust me, I want to be her comfort, I want to be here to take care of her. Every woman I have ever met has just been a game, a challenge or obstacle to conquer, but Miss Elena is different. Miss Elena is special, she is unique, and she deserves so much more than I can give her, but I will be damned if I don't try my best to win her over and make her see I can make her happy.
Miss Elena nodded thanks in my direction as I handed her a fresh glass of milk. She snatched in quickly from my grip and smiled shyly at me before she took a small sip and grabbed another piece of bacon. We continued to eat in silence for a few more minutes, and I watched as life and color slowly started to slip back into Miss Elena's features. The food has done her wonders, and it just exemplifies how lovely she really is. Even in her current state, away from home and fearing for her life, she still looks like a goddess. Many would say she looks unbecoming is just a plain shirt of mine, but to me she looks like perfection. Just the sight of her tan legs peeping out from beneath my shirt is enough to set my blood boiling in more ways than one. Just the sight of her slightly tousled, but still beautiful, chocolate hair cascading down her back makes me itch to run my fingers through it, just the sight of her creamy complexion aglow with new energy and life urges me to touch her and hold her close. She is like a drug to me, she drew me in and now I am addicted. She is perfect to me and I crave to hold her, care for her, touch her. I want her.
Elena reached out for one of the freshly grown orange slices on the tray and took a deep bite. I walked over to the scene and sat down on the bed across from Elena and beside myself. If I can't physically be here then I might as well make it as real for myself as I can. My eyes narrowed and I let out a sudden growl when Elena let out a startled squeak and delectable juice flowed down her chin and throat. My eyes tracked the movement of the sticky juice and I swear all my mind was telling me was to bite her. My inner vampire wanted to bite her while my inner man wanted to do nothing more than kiss away the juice and pleasure her until she couldn't remember he name. Elena's pulse spiked and she drew in a ragged breath as her eyes locked with my human selves. I turned to my human self and watched as my eyes turned almost black with lust and a low rumble reverberated through my chest. No human would have heard it, I don't think I even realized I did it, it was all on basic instinct and I was attracted to her.
"Good orange." She laughed nervously trying to lighten the mood. Elena drew in shallow breaths as her gaze stayed trained on mine and her grip tightened on the sheets by her side. Her pupils were dilated and it was so obvious she was turned on, and all it took was one of my smoldering gazes. At this point, I just want to walk up to Elena, shake her, and make her to come to her senses. She is attracted to me and there is no way she can hide it.
"Hmm," I breathed nodding absently as my hand raised as if it had a mind of its own and my finger trapped the small drip of juice just before it escaped below the collar of her makeshift nightshirt. I groaned at the sight and squeezed my eyes shut as I sped away from the bed and took some deep breaths to clear my mind of dirty thoughts. The image of my hands so close to Elena's breasts with her eyes closed in bliss will forever be branded in my mind, and all it does is make me itch all over to touch her. I let out an irritated hiss and threw my arms in the air in defeat. Is remembering all of this supposed to help or is it meant to be torture? How am I supposed to deal with watching myself touch Elena and have no real memory of it? It's like watching a stranger touch her and all it does is make me jealous. But this is just a vision, a memory, this is not really happening right now, get a grip before you lose it. I turned back to the scene expecting Elena to snap out of it and push me away, but all I saw as I stood mutely at the end of the bed was her let me bring my fingers to my lips, and suck away the little bead of juice I had captured off her body. "I agree." I heard myself murmur in a husky voice as Elena's pulse raced faster than ever before.
Elena's body shuddered in excitement as she watched me suck the orange juice off my fingers, but she quickly shook herself and let out a disgruntled breath. "Damon, you can't do things like that!" She hissed pulling my shirt more snuggly around her body to hide herself from view. Like she can be shocked I would do that when her body is placed so temptingly in front of me. "That's too familiar!" She whispered desperately as if she were trying to convince herself of that fact.
"I was just trying to help you with that problem." I said innocently as I pointed at her chest where I had trapped the juice. I was desperately fighting the urge the lick my lips at the sight of Miss Elena before me and I couldn't understand why. Usually I have wonderful control over my urges, but lately, around her, I feel like I have lost all semblance of control. What is happening to me?
"Well I could have handled it myself." Miss Elena muttered crossly as she gave me a stern look and brushed her hair nervously behind her ear.
"But where's the fun in that?" I pouted innocently as my gaze tracked all over her face. She didn't look too cross with me, so that's a good sign, maybe now is the best time to test boundaries. I want to play with her, tease her, make her want me. But what can I do? Suddenly a brilliant idea popped into my mind and I smirked to myself. My gaze landed on the tray of food before us and I scanned it looking for the one thing that would help me in what I was about to attempt. My eyes lit up as they landed on the small bowl of fresh strawberries and my smirk widened. I reached forward, grabbed a piece of the juicy fruit, and held it precariously above Miss Elena's head. "Here."
Elena's wary gaze cut into me curiously and she shifted nervously. "Are you going to feed me?" She quipped trying to hide the undertone of hysteria in her voice.
"Maybe." I chucked mischievously. Miss Elena rolled her eyes and reached for the strawberry but I quickly pulled it out of her range. "You must let me be a good host." I drawled doing my best to come off as an innocent and polite country boy.
Miss Elena gave me an unimpressed look, but opted not to comment. "Fine." She huffed as I held the strawberry above her head again.
Am I losing it, or am I really watching myself feed Elena? This is like something out of a fantasy. My whole body is tingling and I'm not even moving, I'm just standing at the end of the bed watching dumbstruck as Elena is literally letting me feed her. My mouth is as dry as sandpaper as I watch her arch her neck towards the delectable fruit and take a dainty bite. She smiles at me slowly, and as she removes the remains of the strawberry from her lips, she licks them in very suggestive way. She is so trusting of me right now, she's acting so free, but she is absolutely crossing the lines that she put in place so recently. It's like she really wants me to ignore what she said and pursue her with everything I have. I mean, she is practically seducing me and I have no idea if she even realizes it! All I know for sure is that I am slowly losing control of my emotions, mind, and body.
Suddenly the fruit disappeared and I watched my human self scoot closer to Elena on the bed. Touch her, please touch her, I want to feel her so badly it hurts. My vision was rooted on Elena as she froze at my sudden movement and her breathing stopped for a split second. I gulped as I watched myself trace a single finger down her cheek, then go under her chin to pull her head up slightly so I could leave butterfly kisses on her cheek. I closed my eyes and sighed in satisfaction as I faintly felt Elena's smooth skin against my lips. How I wish this was real and I could do it myself.
Elena's ragged breathing pulled me out of my trance and instantly I heard her pounding heart and watched as her chest quickly moved up and down. I stopped and stared into her eyes for a second, waiting for rejection or conformation to my actions. Please don't stop me; it's so obvious you want this. When my human self saw no rejection, I slowly trailed my lips from her soft cheeks down to her smooth and swan-like neck. Elena gasped and her hands whipped out to grab onto my shoulders for support.
"Damon…" She moaned closing her eyes and pulling me closer. "I can't." She whispered suddenly as she tried to shut this down before it even got started. I felt my heart shatter and instantly I knew what was coming next, Stefan.
"Why not?"
"Because if I let you do this I'm afraid I won't be able to fight back my feelings." Well that was unexpected. Her feelings? What feelings? What is she saying? And why hasn't she brought up Stefan? Where is all of this going? Do I have the right to be hopeful that for once I could actually be happy? "And what I told you earlier…"
I watched myself pause and pull back from her neck, and I wanted to groan in protest. I had been enjoying myself listening to Elena's mewls of satisfaction, it was like heaven watching myself kiss her neck and faintly feel her skin under my lips. It wasn't ideal, but it was better than nothing, and that's the most action I've ever gotten with Elena to begin with, so who am I to complain? Even if I still wish I was actually present during the whole ordeal. "Would you agree that you are from the future?"
"Yes? But what does that have to do with it?" She asked softly with her eyes closed as I nuzzled into her neck affectionately. I had almost forgotten how good it felt to be cute with someone you care about.
"Then all the confliction you are feeling is from that time, not this time. If I understand all of the information you have told me correctly, you should not be with me in this way, correct?" I asked innocently with wide eyes as I ran my fingers lightly over the exposed skin of her ankle. She shifted at the contact and smiled uneasily at me, it seems she is ticklish; I will have to remember that for future reference. I need Miss Elena to see that she can take a chance; I need her to see that she can take a chance on me.
"Right." Miss Elena said unsurely, not quiet sure where I was going with this.
"But you still are anyway. Miss Elena, you are free from all of your promises and tie downs, you are free to do as you wish." I urged staring straight into her warm chocolate orbs that I could get lost in forever. "Didn't you ever wonder what it would have been like to be with me?" I breathed wondering if she felt this way about me later.
Has she? I know she is attracted to me, but the notion that she has thought about us feels like something out of a dream. She may not believe me, but I want that, I want there to be an us. Elena is worth fighting for and I will do everything in my power to prove to her that I am worthy. I will win you over in the end Elena.
Yay, another chapter is done and out of the way! Phew, so much typing! Haha, so Damon got a lot to absorb in this chapter, huh? Three memories! And boy were they all over the place! Again everyone I am so sorry for the delay, but my mentality is that school comes first and Fanfiction second. I wish it was opposite, but my future and school are important. Anyways that is beside the point. I believe that the next chapter, but don't quote me on it, will be the last memory reliving chapter. There was a lot for Damon to remember, so I am not surprised it took so many chapters to get through all of it. Anyways, thank you to everyone who has stuck around and gave this chapter the time of day. Now that you are all done reading, I hope that you enjoyed the chapter and will please leave me a review telling me how I did. So thanks again and I hope to hear from all of you next time! Thanks again!
Lots of Love, Lioness002