"What does that mean? Everything?" Nat asked with a scowl.
"It means I can remember meeting him, being with him, and after he brainwashed me." I sigh. "He and I… dated… for a while before the attack on Manhattan." I note Steve's fists clench and I reach to hold his hand. He takes it, holding my hand firmly.
"How did he even get in your room? Is this something we should be looking into?" Bruce asked.
Steve held up the necklace and threw it to him. He caught it with ease and adjusted his glasses, staring at it. "This?"
"Yeah." I answer weakly. "He gave it to me in a dream… asked me to keep seeing him."
"And you agreed?" Tony raised his eyebrows.
"Okay, firstly, I took the necklace off. Secondly, even with everything you guys had told me about him, he had been nothing but caring towards me… he saved me… I had no idea…" I trail off with everyone's eyes on me. Even with what I was saying being true, I knew how stupid I had been. I knew the disappointment they were all feeling in me because I felt it too. The only person not looking at me was Steve, and that almost hurt more than being stared at.
The only person who hadn't spoken up was Barton, and I feel that was more because he knew what I knew about our time with Loki. He wasn't judging me; he understood what it was like to be controlled by him. He had made his peace with me and Loki before this. For the others though, this was new. Before I was just a plain girl he had made a target out of with his memory wipe. Now, I was potentially dangerous again.
"We're gonna need Thor in on this." Bruce sighed, passing the necklace to Tony. "Maybe he'll know more on this."
It didn't take them long to call him, he was with Jane Foster after the Convergence. Steve stayed by my side the entire time, squeezing my hand. We waited quite some time for him to arrive though. The others shuffled in and out of the room making drinks or getting books. I rested my head on Steve's shoulder and he finally released my hand, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
Thor entered with big smiles and even greater embraces for the team. When he sees me, his gaze softens and I too am scooped into a hug. He turns and introduces me to the woman with him, Jane, his girlfriend. "It's nice to meet you." I tell her sincerely. She gives me an awkward nod, I'm not surprised, I'd be the same if I met my boyfriend's evil brother's ex. It's a weird situation to be in.
"How are you?" She finally asks.
"Okay." I reply quietly.
"He gave her her memories back." Steve tells them. Jane's eyes widen, Thor scowls.
"Loki?"
"Of course, who else?" Steve asks.
"Loki is dead." Thor narrowed his eyes, turning to me. "We watched him die."
I swallow hard. "I don't know what you watched die, Thor, but I was there with him watching you… The convergence… linked us somehow. He was in my dreams…"
"He tricked us again." Thors fists tightened. Jane laid a protective hand on his arm and said something gently to him. He strode out of the room. Jane turned to Steve, "You should probably go after him, I'll talk to Jessica."
The Captain followed her orders, leaving us alone in the room together. She gestured to the settee and I sat down, she sat with me. "It can't have been him, Jessica… he's dead. We watched him die."
"I'm telling you he's not dead." I sigh, leaning back. "He cast an illusion or something. I was with him. I watched you both leave his body."
Jane looked away for a moment, digesting the information. "Are you sure you weren't dreaming?"
"Jane," I shake my head, "HYDRA were monitoring me, drugging me, they said that the dreams were giving off readings similar to when Thor touched down in New Mexico."
She took a deep breath. Apparently that cinched it for her. "And he came back?"
"He came back." I nod. "I was looking at the necklace he gave me when Steve came in and put it on me… things got… heated… and I forgot to take it off. I woke up in the middle of the night and he gave me my memories back."
"Which memories?"
"All of them." I shut my eyes tightly and rubbed my face. How many times would I have to go through this today? "I met him at university, I thought he was a student and he asked me out. We dated for a while and then things got serious. He'd come down for periods of time before going back to Asgard. Yes, he told me about Asgard. Took me a while to believe him though. I thought it was some joke." I sigh again. "He went back for some ceremony for Thor and told me he was going to be gone for a while. I can only assume that's when New Mexico went down. When he came back he was different… changed. But he was still my Loki, you know? He took me to Manhattan with him. When I changed my mind he used the staff on me like he had the others…"
I opened my eyes, Jane was watching me with great concern. "Then what happened?"
I bite my lip, eyes watering. "He made me a monster… The things I did as his queen…" The word is bitter on my tongue, "… were despicable… I can understand why Barton avoided me so much. I was as bad as Loki was."
"He was controlling you."
"I should have fought it." I pause. "I mean, I did fight it to begin with, I didn't want to hurt those people, do those things… but the longer it was happening, the more I switched off to it, the more I let it happen."
Jane nods and takes my hand gently. "You couldn't have fought it, Agent Barton couldn't even fight it." I nod. "This was not your fault Jess."
"It feels like it." I groan. "He was an alien. How did I think it was going to end?"
"Better than this." She nods. I realise she's probably the only one who could understand what Loki made me feel back then, it's how Thor makes her feel.
Uncomfortably I lick my lips. "I never thought he would try to hurt me."
"Maybe that's why he erased the memories? Spare you the pain?" She suggested quietly.
I can't help but scoff a little, "Or maybe he was trying to protect himself."
She nodded and shrugged a little. "I can't say I have a positive outlook on Loki, but it sounds like he did care about you at one point. Maybe this was just him lashing out?"
"He threatened to have me kill my boyfriend." I raise an eyebrow. "Now come on, that's beyond the normal psycho-ex kinda stories."
Jane sighed. "Yeah, a bit, this whole situation is messed up."
"You're telling me." I rest my head back against the settee.