A/N-Hey guys! How's it going? School just started for me, so I've been doing that. I really like my classes, so that's always good.

So this chapter is something a little different. I tried putting a little angst in here. It's not really my forte, but I wanted to try something different. If you don't like it, don't worry, we will be back to our regular fluffiness next chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle but I do own a pair of Converse sneakers.

Special thanks to ams31 who caught a mistake I didn't even realize I hade made, so thank you very much, and I hope this chapter makes it better.

Enjoy!

February- One Week Old

It seemed that in a life with five premature babies that something was happening every second of every day. The Monday of the quints first full week of life was exactly that: everything that could go wrong, did. Austin had been taken off the ventilator he had been attached too since he was born that morning, but because his breathing worsened he was put onto a C-PAP machine, like his three other siblings, only in Austin's case his was at the highest setting possible, which in reality was a small step down from being on a vent.

It was still a step in the right direction though, for which Rick and Kate were grateful.

Austin couldn't feed by mouth yet, his food was still being given through a tube that went down his nose and straight into his stomach. Dr. Case explained that even though Austin was taking baby steps, they were forward, not back, and the any step he took in the right direction would bring him that much closer to being home for good.

After a long morning, when they thought they had finally gotten Austin's issues under control, Miyana threw them a curveball.

She started having what was referred to as A's and B's or Apnea and Bradycardia. Apnea is when Mia would forget to breathe and as a result she would have Bradycardia, or a drop in heart rate. She was under close watch from the doctors. Kate stood vigil by the little girl's side, rubbing her arm and talking to her quietly. Somehow, Kate's touch made Miyana's A's and B's a little better, but only just.

"Hey, I'm going to get some food. Do you want anything?" Castle asked, coming over to Kate's perch by their middle child.

She shook her head. "No, I'm not hungry."

"Kate, you have to eat something."

"I said I'm bot hungry," she whipped her head around to look at her husband: anger, frustration, sadness and a million other emotions were all rolled into those green eyes, turned dark brown in the low lighting of the NICU.

"Ok," he said, his voice low, anger boiling deep inside his gut. "I'll be back in a little while." He kissed the crown of Kate's head and walked away.

He knew she had been under a lot of stress these past couple of days and she hadn't slept more than a few hours. He needed to get her out of the NICU, take her away for a while, bring her back down to earth.

He wasn't gone but a minute when Kate heard his voice behind her.

"Look who I found," she turned and smiled when she saw who Castle was talking about.

Martha and Alexis were right behind him, pink paper gowns replacing their winter coats.

"We come bringing fabulous presents," Alexis said smiling, holding out the paper shopping bag that crinkled and made noise when she lifted it up.

The college senior set down her bag and made a beeline for Liam's incubator. She had made and instant attachment to the little boy the second she had first met him when he was two days old.

"Hey kiddo," Martha said hugging Kate and giving her one of her famous 'Martha Rogers' smiles. It brightened Kate's mood a little bit, like magic. She knew she had been feeling off as of late. She didn't know why but Kate knew it was up to her to change it. She needed it, her husband needed it and her babies needed it. It was almost like they could sense she's not one hundred percent, and she needs to be in order to make sure her kids are well taken care of and come home as soon as possible.

Kate smiled at Martha who was cooing over Danielle, trying to get the baby to smile with no avail.

"Alright let's see what these gifts are," Kate said, sitting down in the chair near Miyana. She still needed to be near the girl. It made her feel better.

Alexis had moved a chair over to Kate and was sitting with Liam in her arms, an oxygen tank not far away. "Open Gram's first. There is a reason behind mine."

Kate nodded, and reached for the bag closest to her. Rick was standing next to her, excited to see what his mother and daughter had brought.

Kate reached into the bag, the paper making noise again. She gasped at what she pulled out: it was the softest blanket she had ever seen. It was made with a fleece material and had a satin border around it. One side it was a solid baby blue color and the other was classic Whinnie the Pooh characters.

"Martha, did you make these?" Kate asked, looking up at her mother-in-law.

Martha nodded and smiled, running a hand down Kate's arm and hugging her son around his shoulders.

"Thank you," Rick said to his mother as Kate un-packed the other four blankets. Each were a different color and pattern: Red with classic Mickey Mouse, Pink with Disney Princesses, Purple with Tinker Belle and all her fairy friends, and Green with classic Minnie Mouse.

Kate stood up and hugged Martha, whispering her thanks in her ear.

"Do you want to give then to the babies? Kate asked the red-headed actress.

She nodded happily, and quickly grabbed the green blanket and draped it over Miyana's incubator, like she had seen other families do. Martha continued on, draping a blanket over each baby's bed. Red for Liam, Blue for Austin, Dani got Pink and Finn had the purple one. The blankets looked cute and gave the otherwise plain, bland, hum-drum incubators some character.

Liam had begun to fuss in Alexis' arms, and judging by the way his face was scrunching up; he was getting mad that his demands weren't being met faster than he'd like them to be.

"And I put that frame back in the room with the others," Martha said, taking her son's empty seat.

"What frame?" Kate asked, looking between mother and son.

"We had a picture of you mom and dad we wanted to but in the nursery, but the frame we bought was too big, so mother thankfully went out and bought the right one," Castle said taking Liam from his big sister, carrying him back over to his bed and expertly changing his diaper before bringing the clean, and much happier baby back to his sister.

Kate nodded and smiled. she wondered why there wasn't a picture of her parents in the babies room, but put it to the back of her mind once more important things came up.

Alexis used her foot to slide her gift bag closer to where she was sitting. She looked and silently asked permission from her dad and step-mom. Kate nodded and smiled, Rick just smiled, curious as to what was in the bag.

"Now I know we already got you guys a gift," she said, reaching a hand into the bag. She and Max had gotten them two strollers: one double and one triple stroller, so that Rick and Kate would be able to take all five babies out together when they were able too. "But this is something I think they will keep until they are too old to actually need it anymore."

She pulls out a stuffed animal. It's a Beagle puppy with light brown around his eyes and a white underbelly. Alexis tickles under Liam's chin with it making the baby jump at the new sensation, but settle once he registers the soft 'fur' of the animal.

"Like monkey-bunky, they have a special friend. Alexis that was very sweet," Castle says, walking over and kissing his daughter's cheek.

Alexis smiles and nods. She still has the ratty old monkey that was her constant companion while she was growing up, although she no longer sleeps with it, monkey sits on a shelf still protecting Alexis from the monsters.

She gives a soft purple hippopotamus to Miyana, a brown teddy bear with a blue ribbon around his neck to match his new blanket to Austin, Finn gets an elephant that is as big as she is and Danielle gets a brown monkey, much like the one her older sister has.

"Wow Alexis, thank you," Kate says. She's holding Miyana and giving the baby a bottle, but accepts the hug Alexis gives her as she stands to leave.

"Bye dad," Alexis says, giving her dad a hug. He's holding Liam and Alexis bends down and kisses the soft peach-fuzz hair on the baby's head. "Bye buddy. Be good for mom and dad, don't cause them too much grief." She smiles and Castle watches her as she walks out the door to get her coat, her grandmother right behind claiming to have a class to teach, but Castle knows being in the NICU for very long makes her uncomfortable.

"They didn't have to do that," Kate says as she puts Mia back to bed, the baby happy after her lunch.

"I know they didn't, but they wanted too. They wanted to give the babies something they could hang onto long after they are babies. I think mother has been planning those blankets since we found out their sexes."

"It was very sweet of them," Kate's sitting again, a smile ghosting her face.

[] []

By Friday, things had calmed down a bit. The babies were doing well and Kate didn't feel the need to practically live in the NICU.

This was the opportunity Castle was waiting for. Things at the hospital had hit a plateau of sorts; it was the perfect chance to get away for a quick weekend. So after they gave the quints their noon feeding, Rick and Kate left the hospital telling the doctors and nurses they would be back on Monday and to call them if they needed them.

"Are you sure they won't-"

"Kate what did we say?"

"That we would be back on Monday and we would have our phones on."

"Exactly. If they need anything they will call," He says standing behind her and wrapping his hands around her waist. They had gone back to the loft to quickly pack a weekend bag and leave before traffic got bad.

Kate put her toiletries into her bag and zipped it shut, laying a hand over the top for just a second. She wiggles free of Castle' grip and sets her duffle bag on her shoulder.

Castle sighs at Kate's apprehension to leave, but that is exactly why they needed this weekend. Since the day the quints were born, everything has been about them; how they were doing and if they needed anything. But in the past week, not one thought in Kate's mind has been about her needs. She hasn't been sleeping or eating all too well, and it was starting to show on her face and just the way she looks. She's slipping down a rabbit hole, and Castle needs to catch her before she goes too far down.

The car is quiet, save for the radio playing some pop song Castle has heard at least a million times. Both of them are in their own little world, and the only thing grounding them is their clasped hand across the center console.

Kate Beckett has been to the Hamptons countless times since that first eventful weekend Castle brought her up here that first year they were together, but never has she been in the middle of February when no one was around.

There were no people strolling the streets and going into the shops and sitting at the outdoor cafes, the place was a ghost town.

Even the street their house was on was quiet. The two little kids who lived down the block weren't racing down the street on their bikes, and there was no constant tropical music from the snobby neighbor's constant theme parties in the summertime.

It felt weird, but it also felt right. Kate didn't need people around, she needed to be alone for a little while, get some space: from the city, from her friends, from her own head. She just needed space, and maybe a nap. She was kind of tired.

[] []

Kate's favorite spot in the whole Hamptons house was the window seat in the upstairs office. It was quiet and secluded, as Castle's office was downstairs off the kitchen. She had all her books up here and a place to do work or just waist time playing online.

She sat curled up in a blanket, the window open letting the cold winter air blow the hair that didn't make it into the bun Kate had thrown her hair into across her face. The waves crashed into the shoreline, angry and harsh, a vast difference from the calming smooth waves Kate was used too. The sun wasn't even out, covered by a thick layer of clouds, maki9ng everything seem grey and sad, much like Kate's mind.

She didn't know why she had been feeling that way. It wasn't always like that, not since she was discharged from the hospital did the feeling start.

She sipped her cup of tea and sat silent. Castle was off in another part of the house doing go knows what, but she was glad he was. She didn't need him constantly hovering over her, asking a million questions. Not right now.

[] []

"Hey I brought you food," Castle said coming into the office with a plate of pork chops, green beans and macaroni and cheese.

Kate turned form where she had been looking out the window. She'd been sitting up here alone all day, only going down stairs to get another mug of tea or whatever she was drinking. Castle hadn't heard from her since she said good morning to him around ten.

"Thanks," she said, smiling a little bit. It was a good sign, she was starting to be herself again.

He nods, smiles and turns to leave when her voice stops him.

"Castle, you can stay in you want."

He turns, sees Kate looking at him and nods again. He takes a seat on the window bench, by Kate's feet. She had curled her knees up to her chest to make more room for him.

They stay silent while she eats, but it's a good silent, not the heavy silence of the evening before or even that morning. When she finishes, Kate sets the plate by her col, half drunken tea, and goes back to staring out the window.

He gets up to leave, and she doesn't stop him. Maybe that was more than enough interaction her mind could handle today?

Later in bed, he spoons up against her and she doesn't flinch or move away, instead she shifts closer, to which Castle is grateful.

They sleep well into the afternoon on Sunday, waking up with the blankets twisted and by their feet, and Castle face down in his pillow, an arm flung off the side, gripping the sheet like a baby would cling to its mother or a favorite blanket.

She's lying on her side facing him when he wakes, her face finally relaxed and not wrinkled like a Shar Pei. She's running her knuckles up and down his bicep, which is what woke him in the first place.

He blinks and squints in the bright, still cloud covered afternoon. But finally focuses on her face.

"Thank you," she whispers, still rubbing his arm.

"Wha-" he's still waking up, his mind playing catch up with everything else.

She doesn't say more, just smiles and kisses the corner of his mouth, getting up to make coffee and let her husband wake up fully.

[] []

They return on Monday looking a million time better than they did on Friday afternoon. Everyone at the hospital notices, but doesn't say anything. The babies were fine and didn't have any trouble during the weekend.

Kate was back to her controlling self, wanting to do everything she could on her own. She was out of that rabbit hole, and just back. If that made any sense.

Rick was better too. A weekend away, a good night's sleep and a few minutes of quiet were everything he needed, as did Kate.

Now he knew what to do, should this problem ever happen again.

He was holding Austin, trying him to drink hid bottle, to no avail. The boy just twisted away whenever the milk came near him.

"Here, let me try," Kate was holding her arms out, and Rick passed over their son.

Sure enough as soon as he got into his mom's arms, Austin latched onto the bottle and ate happily.

"Show off," Rick pouted.

"Aww did the little baby hurt your feeling?" Kate laughed and smiled as she teases Castle.

Yep she was back.