Bringing Back

by Monar

They had a child together and still it seems love is out of the question. Can they find happiness together or should she say goodbye at last? She should have known better than that. A SasuSaku story.

25. Explaining

I apologize for the long delay to update. I'm sorry for promising you quicker updates but I want you to know that I hadn't forgotten this story. I don't know if some of you had and I perfectly understand it. I'm a fanfic reader too and I know how we feel when a story it's not updated soon and seems that it won't be concluded. I'm sorry for it and I understand if some readers could have abandoned this one and I'm grateful to you all for giving time to read it, review it and put it in some favorite lists or followed it :) I'm grateful to you all that are still out there wishing to read this and wanting to know the end of the story. Naruto it's going to end next week I think and this had helped me to focus more deeply in this story. I wanted to end it before that date or in that date but I don't know if I'll do it but I'll try anyway :)! There are some chapters left to do ;)

Thank you to all of you who were with me in this journey and/or who will wait for the end :D you made my days better with your support and words that were never negative and were kind suggestions and congratulations. I hope to respond to reviews next time :)!

Take care and thank you from the bottom of my heart :D and my best wishes to you all.

Chapter 25

Explaining

Sakura POV

"Do you want to know why he came to me?"

Strangely enough that was the question that lingered within the pained realm of my mind. It wasn't the one that related to how she had met him or the ones concerning about his illness, no, it wasn't. Somehow as I stood there silent and still, staring at that beautiful young woman and with the support of my friends behind me, I realized sadly that it was that the most important thing to my hurt inner self that needed some sort of damn freaking explanation. I chuckled melancholically within me feeling like if the time had slowed down and I had all the time left to ponder about everything again. But the logical part of my brain knew that it wasn't like that and that everything was happening fast and I needed to act. I knew that her last questioning really included all the first ones she had asked but I couldn't help to give more importance to that specific one.

"Do you want to know why he came to me?"

It was such a simple question and yet so complex. I wondered anxious and broken what could have driven him to meet this particular person I had in front of me, what reasons had lead him to her and why he had kept visiting and loving her. Why had he chosen her and not me? Why did he go after her for so long? What she had that I couldn't ever dream of having? Why could he love her and not me? Why he corresponded to her caresses, kisses and embraces? What I lacked to equal her?

My eyes felt watery and I had to suppress the intense sob that fought to get free through my hurting throat. I really had to use all I have left of my will power and dignity to not burst into tears and break down once more in front of her. I had to brace myself and even tense a little to give myself courage to stand there without spilling a single tear or show any sign of my inner endless suffering. Then I wondered if it was really important to listen to her, to try to be patient and understand, to try to give another chance and hope a little bit again, once more. Did it really matter if I say "yes" to this person? Was it worthy to listen to it, the truth it seemed finally, when I knew, because I knew it in my heart of hearts that the truth was going to finish me off?

I had survived the last days and nights trying to pick up myself from the floor where I just wanted to lay crying silently because I didn't have the strength left to do it loudly, trying to pick up the broken pieces that he hadn't broken yet till I had knew about her. I had tried to be strong and go on for myself and for Miyu's sake, for my friends and my mother, to show them that I could do it, that it wasn't the end of the world because it wasn't, the cold and reasonable part of my battered soul knew it, it wasn't the end of my life just because my husband, the man I had loved for so long, had cheated on me and had chosen other who wasn't me and wasn't going to be me ever.

I didn't want to be that kind of women, who goes with the pain and stop their life and their future just because the love of her life wasn't meant to be with them. I hated myself for just thinking in me being one of those because life was more than that now that I had my daughter with me, because I had other things to take care of and other persons to think about but I could understand them, oh yes, I could, because my chest hurt echoing my heart and I felt such sorrow, sadness and disappointment besides jealousy and anger that I could understand what could drive them to that point. That was why I had fought so hard to go on with my life and busy myself with my job, Miyu, my friends and my mother's company, that was why I wanted, really wanted, to start a new path away from Sasuke, just as I should have done it a long time ago if only I would have had the firm resolution to do it.

But I could relate with what those women felt because I felt like that. And I couldn't blame them for thinking that the world was ending. Probably I was just being a drama queen and overreacting and perhaps that was because I had expected so much from Sasuke and I had put our situation higher than it was, maybe I had hoped so much for a miracle between us to happen due to everything that we had lived through together and I had waited and waited not really believing that something like this could happen and it could end the illusionary fairytale of our faked marriage. When I had considered that Sasuke could have found another woman to really love I had never really wanted to believe it possible.

Was I the one who thought that he was incapable of loving someone when in fact he was doing it already? Was I the one who created that belief? Did I see Sasuke really to believe him incapable of loving someone or did I just follow the flow? That saddened me a little. Maybe I had thought him so deep in the darkness that I hadn't really thought probable that love could find its way through it towards his heart. Probably my heart had made it up to keep me dreaming and hoping.

I couldn't help either to feel the fact that I was doing such a big deal when in all my life I had known this could surely happen in some way or another. Wasn't I prepared to face it now that I had it facing me straight to the eyes? Probably this woman could give him the happiness I had never given to him, maybe she held the secret answer to unlock his frozen heart, perhaps she could give him the children he wanted without fearing that sleeping with her could give her the idea she was loved because she already knew it. Was I really in position to be acting this way and feeling such things and thinking such thoughts? I was the wife, sure, that gave me something but in fact I couldn't really blame him for finding someone else who he truly loved. I had known the truth about his feelings towards me whatever they were, they weren't of love and I had been building castles on the air out of hope and expectation.

I wondered sadly if I had really believed that someday he could have loved me or if I had attached myself to that belief just because I couldn't sincerely let him go. If in all this time he hadn't developed feelings towards me, real and profound feelings, how could I have not expected this woman to appear in his life? He had done wrong in keeping her away and like a dirty little secret, that was true but he hadn't done wrong in finding someone who he really loved and cared for.

Suddenly I realized that despite everything my soul was glad for one thing and that was that he could love. He could love and he would be loved in return. With me it was me the one loving him, just that. He wasn't as damaged as everyone could think or theorize, he still could see love and that mere words somehow eased my broken soul. Someone loved him beside me and he loved that someone in return. Strangely enough and with the sadness dripping from every word forming my thoughts I couldn't help to feel relief and smile sadly and softly within me. In all the turmoil living in my head, my heart and my soul, among the anger, jealousy, sorrow, disappointment, sadness and despair I found relief too. A little part of me was honestly glad that he had found someone and I didn't know if I was being masochist or stupid for feeling it and discovering it but I couldn't deny it.

Was I then letting him go and wishing him the best? It wasn't exactly like that because I wasn't so good to be feeling it but somehow I knew that finally I had lost the battle trying to win his heart and I could breathe and go on without useless hope, she had won him, he was hers and I was the one who had the job to let him go and get used to the idea of him staying with someone else. I was angry yet, sure I was, due to the lie and the pretense but I felt at ease for finally discovering that my blurry fairytale had come to an end and that I was forced to take the decision I had delayed because I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to stop loving him and wanting him around; I hadn't tried a little to keep him out of my world. We were going to be connected forever through Miyu and that was an undeniable truth but I had to leave the role of his wife obligatorily.

Now looking at the situation after days and nights venting out my feelings and sorting out my thoughts I could see it more logically and with a head colder than before. The lingering feeling that I knew it wasn't going to wear out ever was the sadness I felt for not being her but I knew that the other feelings were going to dismiss or change with time and space. I wasn't ready to forgive him for his lie and secret and I didn't know if I was going to be capable of forgiving him because I had always known the truth and I was to blame for a part for it and he must had had his reasons even if they were stupid or useless but it still hurt me and angered me. My jealousy was eating me softly but I kept it in control. So I wondered again if listening to this woman was going to help me in some way.

This was the end of our journey¸ I told myself smiling sadly and inwardly knowing that I was confronting the moment I didn't want to face but I had pictured many times inside my head. I hadn't thought that the existence of this woman was going to catalyze it but if it had happened like this there had to be a reason to be it. And besides I was genuinely curious about her questioning and I couldn't help to feel still worried about him. I loved him, yes, against all odds and despite everything and I cared deeply and really for his well-being. Damn me and this cursed love. So I took a deep breath and with a serious frown furrowing my brow and tight lips for a mouth I nodded to the stranger with my green eyes locked in hers. I heard the gasp Naruto let out and she just nodded back at me serious and understanding. So I braced myself and taking a deep breath I started my way back to some place where I could listen to the truth with my two silent and worried friends and that unknown and mysterious stranger on my heels.

---

Sakura POV

While we were on our way I realized that I couldn't take her to my house, the home where Sasuke had performed the part of my husband, mine, but Hinata was insightful enough to notice it too and she suggested to me and to Naruto to go to his place. Somehow it was a better place, private and it wasn't the home that was going to finalize its shattering thanks to the words this woman was going to speak and it wasn't the Hyuuga Compound where a lot of people walked by all day. Naruto had agreed immediately knowing why his girlfriend had asked him permission and we settled our way with quick and silent pace. I knew that some people noticed that we were accompanied by a stranger, a pretty young woman dressed in a different way women dress in Konoha and I knew that gossiping and rumors were going to spread in a blink of an eye.

I wondered sadly if Sasuke was going to listen to one of them and then I wondered curiously if he knew that she was here. I glanced back slightly at the woman walking beside me just a few steps behind mine wondering if she had already met him or if she had told him that she was going to talk to me. I could only find resolution and seriousness in her pretty features so I put my eyes on the street ahead of me feeling the nagging jealousy wanting to rip me apart. Yes, I was jealous, it was logical; he was the love of my life, right? I consoled myself inwardly smirking and brokenhearted. Probably I was going to feel some jealousy forever even when sadness was going to reign my life from now on.

When we arrived at Naruto's place we immediately settled ourselves around his small living room and Hinata offered us something to drink including her and we all took some tea before starting the waited talk. I stared anxious and tense at the woman as she settled herself on her seat in front of me and my friends. I was trapped in my endless thoughts and intense feelings and I didn't really put a lot of attention in the awkward and uncomfortable atmosphere around the four of us. I could feel Naruto and Hinata's worried and serious stares on me and on the woman but they didn't dare to say anything and I thanked them for that. I was very conscious how it was surely hard for my blond best friend to not yell and speak his mind out because I knew that Hinata was a little more insightful than him and I knew that surely he was dying within wanting to scream his anger and disappointment to this woman and vent out how hurt he was too for Sasuke's behavior.

I wondered then if some of my other friends knew already what was going on. Did someone have alerted Sasuke if he was unaware of the visit of his love that she was here and reunited with his wife? My heart cringed painfully at the question and I breathed deeply and I stared absently at the hot liquid swirling within the mug in my hands. I needed to be brave and I couldn't be delaying this anymore. After what this woman had to say everything was going to change and be definitive and I was going to lose Sasuke forever. I wanted to cry suddenly in an outburst of despair and sorrow and I had to make an enormous effort to control myself and blink my tears away from my slightly blurred eyes.

After few minutes in tense and unnerving silence inside the small room I felt at least comforted having there my friends that made me feel more confident and strong, something I desperately needed and with each passing minute increased I realized it when I felt nervous and hopeless. There was a moment when I had wanted to stand up and left the room and that woman behind without listening to her and her truth about Sasuke but I couldn't be the same old coward and weak Sakura, I needed to know even if it was for the worst. I was fed up with the speculations and theories, I was sick and tired of the uncertainty and the suffering, I couldn't keep thinking over and over about the same old thing whenever my mind tricked me and drifted away in its own will to the same old thoughts and feelings, to the shattered heart that longed for the one that belonged to someone else already.

I didn't want more the pain and sorrow, I wanted the truth to cry it out away from my heart and to go on living, I needed it desperately even if it caused in me so much fear that I couldn't breathe. Fear for losing him, for not having the little I had now of him, for not being able to see him coming back home, for not being able to see him when the morning came or when the night arrived, when we met inside our house and we exchanged polite looks, nods and smiles from my part. But this was the end, this was the part of our path that would be divided from now on, this was the final outcome of all.

This was the point of no return.

"It's not what you think."

The woman started interrupting my silent charade after leaving her mug on top of the table in the middle of the room with softness and glancing equally at me and my friends. I wanted to retort at that but after I had opened my mouth and before I could pronounce any word possible wearing a mad frown and angry look, she stopped me with a gesture of her hand and apologizing look. Hinata was sitting by my left side while Naruto was sitting by the right one and I could notice that he was as fiery as me with her first words. Only the Hyuuga heiress could keep her posture and calm and she gripped my hand on hers staring calmly and observant at the woman in front of us. It was like if she was asking me to not lose my mind so soon and I thanked her and I did the same for Naruto. He immediately relaxed after I clutched his shaking hand on mine.

"I'm sorry; probably I made a poor choice for my first words." She apologized this time verbally and she sighed somehow looking tired and thoughtful, like if she was trying to find the perfect way to explain herself. "My name is Rika. I met Sasuke Uchiha time ago, some months before you got pregnant."

That caught me by surprise and I shot open my eyes widely staring disbelieving at her. Another impulsive reaction wanted to get out of my screaming soul as the thought of not being first in his life collapsed into me, I was horribly angry and upset and sad but again the support of my two friends comforted me and somehow something in the eyes of the beautiful stranger told me to wait, to wait for more explanation, for more words to come out of her mind. Was I seeing things? Was I being masochistic for wanting some way to explain that I needed to listen to her? Was I expecting some sort of twisted miracle to come and deprive me from this pain I couldn't wash out from me? Had he been with me and had he gotten me pregnant when he was already with her?

"But as I told you it's not what you think and I'm not his affair or his dirty mistress, secret seductress or any other name you could give to me."

She said calmly and with dead serious voice looking straight at the three of us but locking eyes with me. I stared confused and speechless at her wondering if she was telling the truth, retelling the story within my searing in pain brain of watching the both together, and some part of me rebelled against her asseveration and wanted to force me to stand up and slap her and obligate her to tell the truth, to say that she was his lover, that he had forced her to lie to me because he needed our marriage to not dissolve in his benefit, that part wanted to call her liar and much worse but another part of me, somehow paralyzed my entire being and left me there staring confused and aching at her wondering if she could be telling the truth.

Could she? Did somehow I always know that Sasuke was incapable of hurting me in such way despite being who he was but I had wanted to believe in the scheme before my eyes that day for some reason? Was that reason the fact that I needed to end this marriage because I couldn't live with it anymore, not having his love, not being the happy married couple I wanted to be, like Shikamaru and Temari were? Was that reason the fact that I had lost all hope possible and I had made myself lose against the image this woman represented? Did I think that I needed her to exist in his life to rationalize our sort of marriage, his strange behavior and the thing that he didn't love me but sometimes he had seemed to feel something for me in those weak moments when we had kissed or we made love?

"I met Sasuke Uchiha, your husband, thanks to my mother."

She paused and I couldn't help to see the way she looked at me and said those two words that stung within my proud wounded heart: your husband. I frowned now getting more interested in her tale and trying to cope with my anger, sadness and despair. Could it be that I had misunderstood the scene I witnessed between her and my husband? I really had to make an effort to keep my soul from jumping in futile hope because even if she was telling the truth, what could I get from it if Sasuke didn't love me at the mere end? I wondered if it wouldn't be better to be the woman who was cheated on by a loving husband who had made just a mistake for one night than being the woman who had an unloving husband till the world ended. I smirked inwardly with deep sorrow just noticing in how bad shape I was to be thinking this way. What a twisted little woman I was.

"Mother was a very powerful ninja when she was young." She started again after pausing and giving me time to catch her explanation. Probably she thought that I was going to lose my temper again. "The only thing was that she didn't like social life, if I could call it that way, she had been always like some sort of hermit and I do wonder how the hell she conceived me when she doesn't like to go out and socialize."

She chuckled to herself and looking aside like if she was remembering something precious to her. It was the first time she seemed relaxed and I couldn't help to notice that she seemed to be a nice woman that I could like. Again I chastised myself for thinking such absurd and awkward things in the sanctity of my mind. Was I losing my head?

"That's why a lot of people, important people, don't know her and some had thought she's just a legend. She doesn't like to meddle in other's business and she doesn't like to presume of her power and knowledge. That's my mother."

She sighed looking pensive and serious again and I could see how much she loved her mother. I could sympathize with her there; I loved mine too to the moon and back. But with every word she said I wondered where this tale was going to take me. I couldn't really understand how Sasuke got caught up in the pacific and hermetic life of these two strange women. I had to keep balance between my distrust and desire to scream at her to tell it already.

"She hates war and battles and she had said that she would have lived happily without being a ninja, without having the potential and capacity to use ninjutsu, genjutsu or taijutsu. I share some of her beliefs and ways of life but I'm not a hermit like she."

She paused briefly staring at us like if the tale wasn't only for me. I was glad to not be the only center of her attention even when I was the reason why she had come to Konoha. I clutched my hands feeling somehow nervous and aware that I was going to know something that I had wanted to know from so long ago about Sasuke. What could it be? What secrets she could tell me, what secrets she knew of him, that she could share with us? Sasuke was a box of mysteries and I couldn't help to chuckle sadly to myself knowing that it was the truth indeed. My husband was as deep as the ocean itself.

"Sasuke Uchiha arrived one fine day time ago at our private solace, at our home that I presume you already know."

She pointed to me and I nodded feeling again the hurt I had gotten that day I followed Sasuke when I saw him with her. I couldn't shake off the pain still remembering everything that had happened since then but I braced myself and I showed strength and discipline on the outside even if I was shaking in the inside.

"We knew who he was. I kept mother and me aware of the rhythm of the world around us even if we don't participate in its events. He knocked on our door and asked for my mother. He wanted to see her and talk to her about something. I was the one who answered the door and I asked him how he had found us. Few people know about us. He didn't answer me straight, something I learned to accept in him as all of you surely know after growing up knowing him better than me. He just told me that he had heard the rumors about my mother's special ability and that he wanted to meet her and that he wasn't going to go away or give up without doing it. Just staring at him I knew he really meant it and I left him at the door to talk to my mother about this young man who was a stranger and a famous person at the same time for us."

Naruto looked at me by the corner of his baby blue eyes with a little smirk of recognition and I smirked back at him. Of course we both knew that was how Sasuke would have reacted in that situation. He was so persistent when he really wanted something. God helped us if he didn't have his way. What you wanted so desperately from her mother, Sasuke? What possibly could you want from her to do this? What was so important to take you to their doorstep?

"Mother told me that it was ok to let him enter our sacred home." She sighed with eyes down remembering again those moments being relived within her mind. "So I did what I was told and she received him after some minutes while he waited patiently and deathly serious at our living room. I was free to stay but I didn't have the right to really meddle in their interview. So I just acted as a listener wondering why he came to meet her and what he wanted from my mother."

She looked suddenly sad and worried and her big gray eyes drifted around without focusing in anything in particular in the room. Naruto, Hinata and I exchanged a quick, concerned and curious glance and I felt myself more relaxed after her first words like if I knew for sure that she was telling the truth. My heart throbbed within my chest painfully and I had to remind myself that this didn't change the important fact here that had dictated my future as Sasuke's wife. Nothing could change that single thing. I sighed softly letting the sadness to wash over me once more.

"I'm sure you all know, as all the other ninjas in this world and that participated in the last war about the technique to resurrect the dead ones."

I couldn't help to flinch at her cautious words and the tone she had used, so slow and serious knowing what she meant: The Summoning, Impure World Resurrection. The technique Kabuto had used to fight in that terrible war. The technique Orochimaru had used before him. It had caused so much trouble and pain when we all faced dead people that a lot of us cherished, respected and loved and remembered fondly. He forced them to fight against us in his behalf and Obito and Madara Uchiha's too. I sensed the same reaction in both my friends and how this information tensed and darkened the atmosphere surrounding us.

"Mother knew how to use it too." She said nodding and giving it more importance to the three of us who stared with surprise and awe at her and later with suspicion and carefulness. She seemed to understand our myriad of emotions displayed in our faces and our body language and nodded again with dark and sorrowful eyes. "Mother always told me that she wasn't a good person when she was young and that she had been around bad people. She always seemed regretful and remorseful when she spoke to me about those old times before I was born or even conceived and she wasn't very clear about it. She didn't want me to have a lot of information of something she found horrible and I thank her for that. It's not right to meddle with the souls of the passed ones who must be trying to go on and leave this world behind."

She paused again with furrowed brow and decisive eyes. I could see that she really believed that technique was a huge mistake and a horror to exist. I wondered if her mother had learned it directly from Orochimaru because he and Kabuto were the only ones capable of performing it perfectly in these times. Tobirama Senju, the precursor of the technique, had died a long time ago so her mother couldn't have met him. It was hard to reconcile the image of the woman who was the mother of this one, this one who had told us about her with such love and affection with the image of someone similar to Orochimaru or Kabuto in some twisted way. She watched us carefully taking in our reactions and surely knowing what we could be thinking of her sincere confession.

"Wait a minute." Naruto cut in frowning and thoughtful. "After the technique was stopped and really forbidden, the souls cannot come back again to this world. The nations agreed in it and performed jutsus specially to avoid it." Naruto was right. The woman nodded at him and sighed deeply with something akin to shame and remorse in her pretty face surrounded by red long hair. Sadness swept all across her face and she sighed clutching her balled fists on her lap with seriousness. "What is it that you're not telling us?"

"I know of that." She said tiredly after sighing thoughtfully. "But mother is a special woman, so, the way she has to perform a jutsu similar to that one is kind of different."

"Are you saying that your mother can perform a jutsu similar to The Summoning, Impure World Resurrection?"

Hinata asked shocked and concerned. I was staring intrigued and somehow disgusted at her but I couldn't really tell if it was because the image of her and Sasuke together didn't leave me in peace or if it was all about her mother's businesses. Naruto was frowning and his eyes darkened when she nodded ashamed.

"Yes, and she had said that she's going to die with it so that's why she hadn't taught me to perform it and I'm glad."

She confessed and I could see that she really didn't want to follow the path her mother had talked her about. I felt sympathy for her in that matter but my jealousy and anger still had hold on me. Suddenly I noticed that I didn't understand why she was talking about her mother with us and why it was related to Sasuke's meeting with the both. I was so altered with her presence here that I wasn't thinking with all my brain and that angered me and made me feel stupid and frustrated. You need to calm down. But my mouth got the best out of me.

"Why are you telling us this? How is related to the relationship you have with my husband?"

Every single drop of jealousy and fury that was lingering in me since days and nights ago was fueling every word composing those questions. I looked at her a little annoyed with myself for it and ashamed, who was I to proclaim Sasuke mine when I only had had his body and not his heart? But confronting her with serious and tired eyes, just like hers, and watched by the corner of my eyes how Naruto and Hinata reacted a little surprised and a lot worried for me. She smiled softly and I frowned deeper taking it as an insult but before I could say something else or slap her (something I wanted so bad to do since she was here) she stared straight at my eyes and my companion's ones without saying a word. It was like if she was expecting us to find the answers by ourselves. When the talk she had with us moments ago replayed inside my noisy head, little by little I stared to realize those wanted answers. Realization came over me like rain and I couldn't talk putting everything in place. Sasuke… you…

"He wanted to communicate with dead people." Naruto said firmly and his face was now a masquerade of sadness and understanding. Hinata lowered her sorrowful eyes quietly and I couldn't help to feel something warming my heart. "He wanted to talk with Itachi, I suppose."

Naruto paused with eyes drifting in space and not really focused in anything. I was so confused and still affected by all that happened since I discovered her presence in Sasuke's life that I was really a mess. The hurt and jealous part of me still screamed that perhaps that was the motive they had met but they were together. The other part, understanding and logical, screamed within me that even after all, even after all these years and the cruel situations, the misunderstandings and hard times, Sasuke wouldn't ever cheat on me. He could be probably an unapproachable iceberg, he could probably have a frozen heart, he could probably never be in love with me but that didn't mean that he could have done something like this to me.

"He wanted more time with him."

I nodded at Naruto's words. I noticed his sadness while he pondered it and I couldn't help to start believing that maybe, just maybe, I had all this wrong. Could it be? I remembered that Itachi had been present in the last war but Sasuke probably didn't have enough time to realize how important that chance was for both of them and there were things left unsaid between both and probably that increased the void inside Sasuke's heart that he couldn't fill. What happened years and years ago with Itachi and his family, his entire clan, was something he couldn't forget and he was trying to overcome it but it wasn't easy and sometimes I myself tended to forget it. Even if now he was being accepted in the village and in the ninja world for what he did to help finish the war, it was a permanent scar in his soul that didn't let him totally go on with his life. He couldn't forget and it was possible that he couldn't forgive either despite the result of the war and his own decisions at the end. Miyu's unexpected coming somehow helped him to try to adjust and go on but it wasn't the same to go on letting go than just go on. Itachi was a reminder and cut Sasuke never was able to overcome or heal and he had tried to do it coming to meet the mysterious mother of this woman who I thought it was his lover.

What Sasuke wanted to tell Itachi? What he wanted to hear from him? Suddenly I felt terribly sad imaging what Sasuke could still be feeling to want to seek for his brother even in the afterlife and with the restrictions that horrible jutsu had now in our world.

"That's why he wanted to meet your mother."

Hinata added what I thought saddened and concerned. The young woman nodded seriously and spacing out, remembering probably those moments.

"He wanted her to help him to reach his older brother in the afterlife. He wanted time to talk to him. He was very persistent and decisive about it and didn't back out when mother explained to him that it was harder this time because of the restrictions done by the five nations after the war against Kabuto, Obito and Madara Uchiha. For what they discussed I knew that mother was trying to know if he really wanted this, if it was worthy and if he was right in demanding something like that. It wasn't an easy task even when mother never let me see her performing the jutsu but she needed to be sure that she was going to do it for the right reason."

She paused briefly and sighed deeply still with eyes lost in the past. I was staring intrigued and worried at her for the things she was telling us but the anger and jealousy had lessened a lot. Was this the reason of everything that had been going on with Sasuke since I got pregnant?

"Finally she agreed in helping him. For the first time she didn't ask any retribution for it and I found that strange but he paid us something anyway. I dared to ask mother why she had accepted to perform such a dangerous and forbidden jutsu when I noticed how silent she was after meeting Sasuke Uchiha. She only told me that someday I was going to understand it." She shrugged preoccupied and suddenly she looked sad. "When the day came for him to visit us again and he and mother reunited without me because she didn't allow me to be there the result wasn't what he wanted. Mother had warned him that it was possible that she wasn't capable of performing it because of the restrictions and her old age but he only wanted her to try it and she did it with all her might. But it was useless."

I nodded turning serious. Sasuke hadn't been capable of reaching Itachi in the other world just like the Kages had decided after the war. I knew that affected him deeply, knowing how much he felt frustrated when something didn't go his way and because it was about Itachi so he must had felt heartbroken. Naruto sighed tiredly lost in thought knowing like me all this. Hinata looked down sadly.

"He was so angry then. We both saw him so enraged and losing control. But he looked so overwhelmed and sad too." She focused her eyes on us again. "We just stood there silently listening to him and letting him to vent out his feelings. When he finally calmed down mother went to him and took his hands on her old ones and told him something. Sometimes the thing we want most doesn't come at the time we want and in the form we want. I couldn't ever forget her wise and kind words towards him. But even when he was calmer and he didn't blame mother for the failure I knew those words didn't mean anything for him and he left then. Mother went on with her life and her mysterious ways. The next time we saw him he looked very sick standing at our door. I didn't have a clue what was wrong with him till mother checked him up and she was very angry and disappointed. I remember that she was pissed off and she scolded him terribly and then she explained in her weird way what happened to him."

She paused and we were intrigued. Was she referring to his strange sickness? My heart pounded stronger within my chest anxiously.

"It seems he tried to use the jutsu mother used and of course, he didn't do it right." Her pretty features darkened worried. "Mother said he lost control of the jutsu and it affected him becoming part of his chakra and attacking him. Some sort of that." She shrugged and looked down serious. "I don't know a lot of medicine but that was the main thing she said."

I nodded slowly and shocked reflecting on this. I furrowed my brow thinking. It was part of his chakra and attacked him. It was like if it had turned part of Sasuke and was attacking him like those sicknesses related with your own body turning against you. Autoimmune. Saddened and concerned I wondered what things provoked Sasuke's relapses and changed his symptoms and later brought them back. If it was a sickness that formed part of him then it was probably that Sasuke's instability and emotional state could worsen it. Hope and relief just as alarm and panic filled my soul while I thought about it. What if he could have control over the strange consequences of performing that jutsu? What if the strange consequences of performing that jutsu lead to his inevitable death? You did it to yourself, Sasuke. What did you do? A shudder run through my spine and I balled my fists perplexed and with my eyes watering already.

"Mother treated him personally and she didn't want me to meddle as always. Lately the idea of urging me to go out to the world and have my own life wormed its way in her mind." Her eyes suddenly filled with tears but she didn't cry. "I guess you had seen the symptoms already. I wish I could help you out with it but mother cannot do it right now... and therefore nothing like this happened before so she didn't have a clue what to do. She tried to do all she could to help him but you had seen the results."

"Just Sasuke dares to do something he shouldn't do." Naruto smirked sadly shocking his head with eyes darkened in sorrow and concern. "Just Sasuke won't accept no as an answer."

"We don't have idea what he tried to do but it backfired on him and this is the consequence of doing something he wasn't prepared to do." The woman said sadly. "I'm sorry." She paused before leaning over me and staring into my eyes directly. I stared back nodding. "I'm not his lover. He's not having an affair with me. I'm not interested in him that way. I swear."

There was a silence in which I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks and I had to control the sobbing wanting to break free from my throat. Hinata took my shaking hands and Naruto wrapped an arm reassuringly around my trembling shoulders. I composed myself and frowning worried, relieved and sorrowful nodded again knowing she was telling the truth. Sasuke wasn't cheating on me but what he had done to himself was terrible and we didn't have a clue how to fix it. I didn't know what I would rather choose between those two paths because both hurt me deeply. I didn't know if I should feel lucky or not. I smiled inwardly with pain cursing my heart. What I'm going to do with you, Sasuke?

"But, why did he visit your mother and you again?"

I asked ignoring the tears and the fragile moment I lived and had been so close to turn into a torment right there. I needed to be strong to keep listening to this woman who seemed to know more things about my husband than myself. What an irony. I didn't feel jealous anymore and I felt like a child for feeling them in the first place. He wasn't mine despite being my husband to feel the belonging justifying the jealousy and hadn't given time to explain himself.

"After that time when mother explained to him what had caused his lack of conscience, to say something, he came back later. It surprised me but mother seemed to be expecting it to happen. He could speak yet. He was quiet most of the times and I thought that maybe he just wanted a place to stay away from everything and everyone. But sometimes he told mother things. I was there so I listened sometimes. It was like that how we knew that you and he…"

She trailed off and I knew what she wanted to say. I snorted and chuckled.

"Yeah, we slept together when he came back to Konoha once. And he knocked me up."

She chuckled too. I still wondered why he slept with me that time. I couldn't help to blush remembering the moment and I had to shake it off from my mind now. It was embarrassing and could make me blush without reason.

"Yes. He said that he had come back to Konoha and that he had found you and then… he slept with you. He looked thoughtful about it. I guessed that maybe he didn't understand why he had done it. Mother asked him if he was thinking in returning to Konoha to stay but he wasn't so sure. He said that even when he wanted it he couldn't stay in there. That was when I guessed that even when he wished to go back to the village and pick up the pieces of his previous life there the hurt he felt was so big that it didn't let him do it. The anger, the resentment, the pain, it was too much for him and he couldn't help it. That's why I guessed he couldn't stay in Konoha longer than he could bear."

Sasuke… I nodded trying to contain the tears forming in my eyes. Despite he had helped Konoha in the last war I guessed he wasn't ready yet to overcome everything. He hadn't let go completely. He helped for whatever reasons he only knew but it wasn't enough to help him to cope with the past.

"Mother asked him if you used protection when you were having… sex… and he looked bewildered about it." She laughed. "He was pretty scolded by mother for that. She called him and you irresponsible." Well, we had been irresponsible. I couldn't deny that. The seriousness returned to her face. "But he felt drawn to keep trying to get his life back somehow. Not all the times he left Konoha he went to visit us. He traveled around in disguise and alone. In one of those times he came to visit us his speech was slower and he told us that you were pregnant."

I couldn't help to want to cry when I remembered those moments happening so long ago.

"I don't have interest in that baby. I don't need it. I came again to you because I was nearby for a mission and remembered how fun the last time you and I had sex was. I'm a guy, remember? I have needs too. And you always say you "love me". I thought you were happy with this arrange. Sakura I don't have any sort of romantic feelings for you. I have more important things to take care of. And if I was different this time when we had sex was because I was aware of your state and I didn't want to be guilty for hurting you or your baby. And knowing of your pregnancy I will not come back again to you, to this again. Return to Konoha. Goodbye."

"You don't care…? You don't care…"

"I don't. I don't care about anything else besides my own purpose. Go and have your baby. But I don't care. I never cared. I just use you as a release. Why would I be interested in you? Someone like me. You're nothing to me. Anyone in Konoha is nothing to me now. That baby is nothing to me. It's not mine. Find its true father. After all it seems you are open to anyone like to me. I guess it. That bastard is not mine. Why don't you tell Lee or Naruto to take care of you and it?"

I thought that I was going to be able to overcome it with the time after everything we both had gone through together but it still hurt deeply and almost made me cry a river when I remembered it. I didn't know if it was because we didn't talk about it and we needed it. I didn't know if I needed him to say that he was lying then or why he changed his mind later. I had guessed wrongly again.

She was so affected and hurt that she didn't knew exactly how she got up and took a bath at the river and then put on her clothes and walked to the town shocked and with fixed stare and frozen tears. She still sobbed and screamed at her for her stupidity and useless hope. She should have known better. She didn't remember the way she took or how many hours she walked until she reached the gates of Konoha. Her crying stopped for a moment and she could only remember him saying all that without emotion. Without feeling towards the small being inside of her that was his too.

The pain and the sadness were so deep, the betrayal so unexpected after all, the truth so sharp and honest that broke her deeply than any other thing that he had done to her or to others in the past. Walking in the streets of Konoha without voice and tears, shocked and distant, frozen in that moment with slow and erratic pace she felt angrier than ever against the boy she loved so much.

She could handle the words directed to her, the cruel, mean and cold words towards her. But against her unborn baby… that was what she cannot handle. That was when her love transformed a bit to hate and grudge, to a love she hated now having inside her heart. She clutched her fists and tried to not start crying and screaming again.

I supposed that there were some things so difficult to let go that it tore apart our heart so much that it would take a lot of time to try to put them together to function properly again. I guess that's how you feel about Konoha and all of us. I knew that I couldn't compare but somehow I understood it even when I couldn't help to feel pain and sorrow when I remembered that day. Was I so stupid and pathetic for loving him and wanting to stay with him after he said all that?

"I knew he wasn't in all his senses. He kept doing things the wrong way. Instead of supporting you and staying with you and try to form a family and a new life he decided to go the other way around. His sickness, even when it's not a justification, didn't help either. He didn't want help. He acted most of the time like the bastard I saw the first time knocking at our door. He didn't say how he broke up with you, sort of, and we didn't see him in a long time. From people I heard that you gave birth to a baby girl named Miyu. I wondered then if Sasuke heard it too. He had been very cold about it when he told us that you were pregnant. I thought that maybe the emotional guy I had seen that day and that mother wasn't able to help was a façade and this one was the real one and then I heard too that he had been in Konoha the day his baby was born. Did he want to meet her? I didn't know. He was difficult to read and predict."

She shrugged. Sometimes I wondered the same too. I couldn't understand a lot of his actions ever. It was like walking in the dark when you know that you would trip with something inevitably and you'll be hurt.

"Anyway, one fine day he came to visit and I couldn't help myself and I just snapped telling him to take responsibility and be a father and things like that. Mother was so impressed with my reaction that she didn't say anything. It had been the only time I had seen Sasuke so mad even more than when the jutsu didn't work." She chuckled and I couldn't help to do it too. What an irony. I thought this woman was his lover and in fact she had been on my side always. "Mother only told me that someone needed to break some conscience into him. Then I heard that he returned to Konoha but the state in which he was… I knew he wasn't right."

That was another hurtful memory. The one for which I was almost catalogued as an assassin and I was feared when it came to windows. It was a reminder that still haunted me and I felt both strong and ashamed for it. I knew then that I was strong enough for me and my daughter but I knew then also that I was ashamed for the violence implied.

"I don't want to see you anymore! Just go! GO AWAY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO!"

I started to cry mostly caused by hurt and the pain of my broken heart. It got me angrier seeing him without reacting or talking just glaring at me with his cold glance and his stoic face. When he finally extended slowly his right hand to touch my cheek I stepped back again and dismissed his gesture with my own hand.

"Don't dare to see her or harm her! I won't let you do it! Did you hear me? I won't let you take her away from me! You're nothing to her and you're nothing to me now! I don't want you here! Go and don't come back! I hate you! You made me to hate you! You hurt me with your words that night! You hurt me and broke my heart saying she wasn't yours! You insulted me saying she wasn't yours and that her father was other! How you dare to come back and face me? Face her? You said I was just a "moment of fun" a "moment of release"! You said you didn't care about me and anyone here in Konoha! Then go away if you don't give a damn about anything here!"

Then he tried again to touch my cheek but I dismissed it again brusquely and then he lifted his other arm at the room where my baby girl was and I felt a rush of blind fear and anger running to my brain that I only thought in wanting him to go, to apart him from me and from Miyu.

And I pushed him aggressively so hard and focused in my turmoil of suffering and he didn't do anything to defend himself. I saw him crashing against the crystal window and then I heard the sound of the smashing and the breaking glass and I saw surprised how he fell through it easily and landed in the garden hitting him badly at the use of my force. I think I pushed him so hard that I made him fly away a couple of meters.

I sighed deeply spacing out and remembering with my heart clenching and my soul howling in pain. After that incident I took the decision to say goodbye to him. And how that ended? Inner Sakura asked me with sarcasm and clearly mocking me. You hadn't said goodbye to him. You never did. And she was right. My goodbye wasn't definitive ever till now. What a liar I was.

"I wanted you there! I wasn't even thinking in having you as a husband or boyfriend! Just there! I wanted you to help to choose her name! But you decided to not be her father and it's alright to me then. She's my daughter and no one else's. You didn't want anything with her since her conception and then you won't have anything with her ever. I don't want to raise a girl that would suffer the same as me waiting for his dad. Every time I see her I remember what you thought about her when I told you I was pregnant and I cannot forget that. I won't let you see her or meet her. I'll see how I will handle her future. But for now I forbid you to come closer to her. I won't let you take her or harm her. Are you listening Sasuke?"

"You don't have the right to come back here whenever you like and disturb my life. Stop it now. Do you know why I'm angry at you now? Because you returned like this. I know it's not your fault. But I felt angry knowing that you have returned to Konoha and to me only because you are like this. Only when you feel the necessity, when you feel lonely or hurt. It's not fair Sasuke. You break me looking like this but I won't go back in my decision. I'm not anymore in your list of places to go when everything sucks. I wish you to get better. But if you try to look and get near Miyu I will attack you again. Just remember you gave me that right. I don't know, in fact no one knows what your true intentions are. I don't know if you are an enemy, a traitor. I don't know anything and I can only mistrust you even if it's breaking my heart. Don't scare me please. And stay away from me. I'm begging you."

I half smiled sadly and let my fingers to caress his hair and face for minutes until I turned my back on him, like he had done many times before at me, and before going out the room with a silent and sobbing Hinata at my side, I turned my gaze at him and smiling sincerely and broken I said my last words to him, at least expecting them to be in a long time.

"Goodbye, Sasuke-Kun."

What a joke. Liar, liar, pants on fire. I shook my head because I didn't want to keep remembering all those sad and hurtful moments. If I didn't try to let them go and forgive myself and him probably I was going to end with an injury as deep as the one he had within his heart related to his clan, family and older brother.

"Sasuke stayed some time then." Naruto explained to the woman calmly. He wasn't hostile towards her anymore after knowing that I had misunderstood her relationship with Sasuke. "He stayed with me and one day he sealed his arms with strange patterns. We thought that he had tried to commit suicide but Sasuke would never do something like that. Then we blamed his sickness."

"Like I said, he doesn't ask for help and end up doing things wrongly." She said smirking and rolling her eyes before being serious again. "Probably he was trying something to help his condition. Mother looked at them much later and scolded him again for it. She said it was some sort of healing technique that shouldn't be performed by someone who wasn't into medicine."

"He run away after that. We didn't understand why he did it but I guess you're right. He couldn't bear to stay in Konoha for a long time. It was around that time he started to have hallucinations. It was a very difficult time because he was very affected by his hallucinations and symptoms."

I remembered those times too. Naruto had tried for Sasuke to meet Miyu and it didn't work. Hinata was lost in thought too with the memories floating surely within her mind. The woman noticed how affected we were and didn't say anything for a moment and respected our silence and pain. After that failed attempt to connect Sasuke with Miyu, Kakashi-sensei had tried it again in secret and he forced the situation on Sasuke. That was the first time I didn't feel totally angry at him when I saw him with Miyu in arms trying to act as a father. He had been tender and loving with her. His change of feelings towards Miyu troubled me deeply then but now I knew I did right in letting him to meet her and stay with her. She was probably the only one Sasuke loved fiercely in the world and the reason of his life and to keep him trying against all odds.

"After we finally convinced him to meet Miyu and be her father, he did something terrible." Naruto explained to the woman and she nodded and looked ashamed and guilty suddenly. I looked at her intrigued. "He kidnapped her and took her away for some days. We couldn't find him."

My friend went on serious and still a little furious remembering that painful memory that had almost destroyed me. I hadn't been in such distress, sorrow, sadness and worry like I had been that time when I didn't know where my baby girl was. It was horrible. I suffered terribly looking for her and I almost lost my mind if it wasn't because my friends and family were there supporting me. I was so furious and enraged towards Sasuke then. I've never been so angry towards someone in all my life like I had been in that awful and heartbreaking moment. I shuddered remembering it and I didn't wish this to anyone in the whole world.

"Why? Why do you hurt me like this? Please stop… I don't want anymore this… please… Miyu is everything to me and you know it… You know it dammit!" I shouted trembling in despair. "Do you have any idea how I would feel if you take her away without me knowing? Do you have any idea of how much I had suffered? What if something bad happened to you and you couldn't take care of her? You don't have idea of how much I had suffered these damn hours without knowing where you were! You don't have any right to take her away from me! Just because now you want to play like a father doesn't give you any right! I won't let you near her again ever! I won't let you…"

I stopped crying freely and trembling without anymore voice to use. He just was there staring silently and still at me, with his face distant and unmoved.

"I give you a chance… your last chance… but I know you don't care about anything or anyone else besides you I suppose… I would have liked to be otherwise… Why Sasuke-kun? Why you keep hurting me? Do you find me so damn annoying or do you despise me so much?" I locked my hurt and watery look in his black and blank one and I just realized that he didn't care any bit of my words. I was talking to a wall. That got me angrier. "Get away from us!"

Naruto and Hinata sensed my trepidation and hurt and looked at me with soft and gentle smiles. I smiled back weakly but I noticed how the woman looked mortified like if she couldn't decide to say something or not and somehow I knew it was related to that tragic moment of my life. She caught my stare for a little moment looking utterly bad about something and then sighed lowering her grey eyes and clasping her hands together that were resting tense on her lap.

"Sasuke brought Miyu to us on those days." The woman declared leaving me and my friends utterly perplexed and confused. The fury I felt brought back to me thanks to those darkest memories of despair and ache for not knowing about my little girl's fate wanted to claim me again but I controlled it sighing deeply with serious and obvious hurt displayed on my face. I wanted and I needed all she could tell me about the times Sasuke was with her and her mother even if it meant that it was going to restart old reminders of the most painful moments of my life. "He lied. He assured us that it wasn't a problem. I mean, he assured that Miyu was with him and it was ok with you. He didn't speak, of course, his voice started to disappear every time he came to visit us but we could get that information from questioning him and his responses given by gestures or movements."

She shrugged shyly still with lost eyes on the past and still looking highly uncomfortable and ashamed. I didn't know if it was fine or logical that I felt more at ease knowing at least that Miyu had been in what it seemed good hands on those terrible days for me. And I couldn't really get angry at this woman who believed in my husband's deception. But that didn't erase the way it still made me mad enough to not want to yell at her.

"We were skeptical at first but mother and I decided to not prey on it, we didn't want him going angry if we voiced out our thoughts about it and we preferred to have him with his daughter there than that." She looked at us again with frowned and blamed expression. "Sasuke wanted for my mother to meet his daughter. I don't know why but it looked like that. We both enjoyed her visit greatly." She grinned warm and sincere. I couldn't help to smile proud back at her. That was my little girl. "Miyu is just… a ray of sunshine. I used to spoil her a lot." She laughed for a brief moment before getting serious again. "I'm sorry for all the pain you must have been through then." She honestly told me. "I don't really know why Sasuke decided to take her away without you knowing but he did wrong."

I just could nod. I couldn't blame her when she hadn't known the truth. I did wonder like her what Sasuke might have been thinking then to act that way. Why he did it? Which was his purpose?

"I was so angry with him then."

Naruto intervened sighing tiredly. He chuckled sadly wearing a lopsided sad smile. Hinata smiled sweetly at him. I grasped his hand that was still in mine trying to comfort him.

"We all were so angry with him." Hinata chimed in. "We were confused. And it was natural. He did something horrible taking Miyu away like that."

"I wish I could tell you the reason behind that stupid act of him but sincerely I don't have a freaking idea."

The woman just said and I could see the flicker of anger she felt towards Sasuke for it in her frown. I liked her in that moment. We could slap him together for doing something so cruel and irresponsible.

"The Council decided then to put a seal on him." I said as a matter of fact knowing we were trying to tie up the gaps in Sasuke's mysterious life with the help of each other. The woman nodded and I had the feeling that she understood perfectly of what we were talking about and that meant that Sasuke visited her and her mother more times. Was she right explaining that Sasuke felt at ease in their home? I couldn't help to feel a little envious for that. "It was a seal that in fact didn't work as they wanted."

"Father was very pleased with it thinking it would work without harming him. I know it doesn't sound good when he was the one who did it but he never agreed with it."

"Sasuke has gone too far in some levels he shouldn't have." The woman said seriously with dark grey eyes that worried and confused us. She looked like if she was talking more to herself than to us. "He's too damaged by his own hand to be controlled by something like that. He cannot be contained by something that it would depend on his mind when his mind isn't totally fine. He received treatment, right?"

"Yes." I answered still concerned about her choice of words. "Tsunade-sama and Shizune started to treat him, trying to heal him from his weird sickness. They had made good progresses but still…"

I trailed off and she nodded knowingly. I knew then that she was probably thinking and fearing the same I harbored within my soul about Sasuke's future. But neither of us wanted to let it out yet. Glancing at Naruto I could see the pain he felt remembering those old days when he hadn't known about Sasuke's seal till later. I knew that he would have wanted to be with him just like Kakashi-sensei had been then but the circumstances between both were against it. Sasuke kept himself away from him and all of us after it and Naruto had felt horribly about it. They were best friends despite everything that occurred and all obstacles between both. The woman just stared at us fondly and seeing the care we all had for Sasuke. It wasn't impossible for her to see the love in my eyes.

"Kakashi-sensei started to train Sasuke." I said to her keeping the conversation on. I still needed to know some things and I wanted to know if she could give me some answers about it. "We weren't supportive at first for different reasons." I just wanted him away from the life he had been living since he was young. I didn't want him training and preparing himself to expose a life he didn't have guaranteed. I knew I was being selfish because we were what we were, I was a medic nin and he was a shinobi and more important, an Uchiha, and that nobody could change it, not even ourselves. We decided that life. But I had been more worried about his safety and health. Every time I had imagined Sasuke fighting a scene of his death came to my suffering mind and I just couldn't bear it. "The training had some problems but at the end Sasuke was capable as a ninja for the village."

Sasuke fought against his own sick mind then. He battled his hallucinations. And then there was the incident with Kakashi-sensei when he had gotten hurt by Sasuke's hand by accident.

"I guess his hallucinations were a very big obstacle." She said knowingly with grim expression. "He really wasn't strong enough to keep training. It was a dangerous thing to do."

Yes, it was. I remembered Kakashi-sensei's incident with Sasuke's training and I wondered saddened what Sasuke was trying to fight so fiercely that day. What were you fighting that day? Who were you fighting? Why you were fighting, Sasuke? If only I had a glimpse into his troubled mind I could understand better. I could help more and I could avoid feeling so useless.

"It was difficult, you know." Naruto cut in sorrowful. "The training was hard and the Council took advantage in his failed attempts to make him look broken." He paused briefly. "We weren't in good terms yet in that time so…"

He trailed off and I knew what he meant. Naruto like all of us had been worrying about Sasuke but neither of us was close to him then. I never thought that he attacked Kakashi-sensei on purpose. I didn't think it till this day. Looking back to our old story, I couldn't help to feel immensely downhearted about it all. My eyes narrowed in melancholy that cut my heart as my eyes wanted to spill tears. So many things happened and so many times he avoided me and Miyu and so many times I rejected him and kept our daughter away from his grasp. So many times he isolated himself from the world. What were you thinking back then, Sasuke? What were you feeling? What you wanted? Why you acted that way? How much I tried to keep myself away from him and it was useless? In some way or another I always found myself close to Sasuke Uchiha.

"It was about then when he gave your mother the necklace, right, Sakura-chan?"

Naruto asked me with the same wave of nostalgia when you're remembering things of the past that affected you profoundly. I nodded with a little smile.

"Necklace?" The woman asked intrigued and thoughtful. Hinata nodded and explained to her that specific fact. I recalled how I used to think that it belonged to my mother or father's family and how I couldn't have guessed how wrong I was. I couldn't have imagined that Sasuke himself had asked my mother's help then. I couldn't understand yet why he didn't try to reach me when it was concerning our daughter in spite of the fact that I was still hurt by his kidnapping of Miyu. It was heartbreaking to know how things could have been if some situations had happened the other way around. "It's impressive what you're telling me… a protective necklace. I wonder how he pulled that out."

She seemed genuinely intrigued and curious about it and something in her eyes sparkled with recognition. Somehow I caught what she could probably be musing about.

"Do you have an idea about it? I know Sasuke is a serious thing" I chuckled feeling pride for my persistent husband. What a fangirl I still was. "But I really doubt he knew some technique capable of doing that, you know, putting some sort of jutsu on an object to react to someone's bloodline and familiar connection for protection."

Naruto nodded folding his arms with a frown and Hinata just blinked accordingly. We were quite interested in that. I was pretty sure that Sasuke couldn't do that by himself even when I was grateful and relieved that he did it. It protected Miyu and I couldn't pay him enough for that in any way I could ever find in the life I still have to live. Things like that confirmed me again that he had become a really good father when in the beginning he was cruel and mean towards Miyu's existence. He matured and was ready to go any lengths to protect his child, our child, our daughter and he really loved her. Then I always ended musing then the reason of his hostility and coldness towards me in that faraway day when I told him that I was pregnant with his child. I could tell now that he felt guilty about it. Somehow I knew it in my heart of hearts or I just wanted and needed to believe it true.

"You're right. I haven't known Sasuke long enough as all of you but I agree in that. So, I just know someone who could have done it but I can't assure you that it is the answer you all want."

She shifted in her spot and I noticed how she averted her eyes and looked slightly uncomfortable and bashful for a little moment. I stared at her trying to comprehend her awkward behavior.

"It's your mother, isn't it?"

Hinata said suddenly with her soft and well mannered tone of voice. Naruto and I were shocked briefly but looking at the way the woman sighed and relaxed deeply thinking we recovered quickly knowing that the Hyuuga heiress had somehow said the truth.

"Sincerely I think she could do it but the thing is that I don't know it certainly. I don't really know a lot of people as powerful and capable as mother to say the truth and I never witnessed that at home. So I'm really sorry, I don't know if mother did it for him or how or if she guided him to someone she knew that it could perform such a difficult task. But" And she paused visibly deep in thought. "You're telling me that the necklace works only for members of the Uchiha Clan in one way or another and if it was indeed mother who performed the jutsu in it… that could explain why Sasuke kidnapped Miyu and brought her to mother, how much he wanted her to meet his daughter. Mother needed to meet her to use the jutsu. For what you explained to me about those days Sasuke and Miyu weren't away from Konoha for a long period of time… and considering how far our home is located… it's very possible that it was mother all along." She paused again now staring at our intrigued and amazed faces. "I could be wrong, maybe Sasuke just wanted some place safe to spend some time with Miyu and he thought our home was right but knowing Sasuke I don't think he only would bring Miyu without reason anyway to us."

We listened to her explanation finding some reassurance in her assessment. What she said it sounded quite possible and understandable. After all she had spent more valuable time with Sasuke and his secrets that the valuable time I had spent as her wife. Till now I really didn't think that he could hurt me so much like he did taking my little girl away from me without me knowing it and I firmly believed that he would do something so harsh and horrible like that only if he had a very strong reason to act that way. Even if Sasuke appreciated what the mother of this pretty woman had done in his favor, he wasn't the type to do social visits out of the blue. He only visited them when he needed somewhere to stay or when he needed help, that was what I had gotten listening to this stranger. He felt their home was a safe haven somehow. I just wondered why he didn't count me in that and why he didn't ask me to accompany him if it was concerning Miyu's safety. Could it be that he didn't want me knowing the reason why he approached these women in the first place? Was it that he didn't want me to know what he was pursuing and how bad it had ended when he did it on his own? If I had been there I could have known more to help him to find a cure, to make him feel better. I would have asked the mother of this stranger about the forbidden jutsu and what she knew about Sasuke's condition, I would have now in my hands the answer to stop his strange sickness. But he didn't let me know anything. And I dreaded the reason behind that.

"I don't know if I'm right but it's the only thing I can think about all this mystery. I'm telling you the truth. I wasn't there all the time Sasuke stayed with Miyu and mother. Nor I saw what could have brought him back to her but I can assure you that it wasn't just a social visit. Something in the way mother and Sasuke acted told me that but in that moment I didn't relate it with anything till you told me about the necklace." She stopped spacing out for a couple of seconds before her expression softened and she looked at me. "Nevertheless I believe that it was his way of loving and protecting her daughter even if he couldn't be close physically to any of you. It's not the right thing and it makes him a douche but at the mere end it counts."

I nodded trying to show her that it was fine when I saw how honest she was. She was deathly serious and concerned thinking that maybe we couldn't believe her but I did, in fact, I trusted in her. Weirdly enough I wanted to kill her just a long moment ago and now I just wanted her to keep talking about the life of the boy I loved that I didn't know about and she did. By the corner of my eyes I saw that Naruto and Hinata believed her too. She nodded visibly relieved and thankful. I could totally believe the same as she, that Sasuke had gotten the necklace in a way of being with Miyu when he couldn't be there in person and in some form to help me to protect her and keep her safe. I still didn't know from where he got it but I guessed those were Uchiha affairs that just he knew about. Probably he kept somewhere family reminders of better times and the necklace was a special item among them. It belonged to his mother. He went great lengths in achieving this particular protection for Miyu when he risked getting me furious and my friends too. He risked that and what we could think of him and his secret intentions. Why Sasuke? Why couldn't you be more honest with me? Why do you keep doing things in solitary? And more important was the fact that he thought Miyu needed special and extra protection even having me and my family and our friends. Could it be that he was worried about the Council somehow harming our daughter? Would they go that far in their attempt to control the last of the Uchiha Clan? This fueled me with fiery anger and overwhelming overprotection. No way I was going to let them put a finger on her.

"I could try to figure it out if you want when I go back home even if mother doesn't tell me anything. I owe you that."

"Thank you."

I said to her sincerely. I knew that Sasuke probably wouldn't want us prying over his secret decisions but I couldn't be kept in the dark when Miyu was related to them. And I didn't want to ask him, well, first of all, I couldn't face him right now because I was really ashamed for all this mess about this woman, I felt embarrassed and like a fool for acting that way for so many reasons and I didn't want to cause him pain forcing him to speak to me but right now I couldn't dwell in it, I needed to keep listening to this person, so inwardly I forced myself to shut away those feelings and thoughts for later. I could punish myself later for my actions. She nodded with a little smile.

"So I guess Sasuke resumed his life as a normal shinobi."

She affirmed going on with the conversation and I felt glad about it. Finally I was starting to know how the man I had married lived his life away from me and his homeland even with just knowing little things of his big life. I nodded firmly.

"Yes. With Tsunade-sama and Kakashi-sensei's help he did it. He was sent in more dangerous missions. The Council was testing him, we guessed." Naruto added shrugging and not really hiding the way he disliked to tell that. Suddenly his face turned somber and Hinata and I looked concerned at him. "I was keeping myself away from him for everything that happened."

He paused briefly with pained frown and Hinata and I exchanged glances saddened and understanding. I smiled weakly at my pearl-eyed friend and nodded. Soon she was standing up and she sat down beside Naruto who was now the one between both of us. Now that I knew that the woman wasn't Sasuke's mistress I didn't need them side by side preventing me from killing her with a pillow or throwing her through a window. Hinata took Naruto's hand in hers and she smiled lovingly at him as he stared at her adoringly and nodded with a little smirk. The woman and I exchanged glances and smiled watching them.

"When I heard about the incident at the dock… I just"

He trailed off and I knew what he was talking about. Hinata clutched his hand that was between hers. The woman respected our silence concerning the memory brought to us by those words and remained attentive and serious without inquiring about it at all. That was nice of her. It felt horribly to even just recall it within my mind and my heart was squeezed painfully just picturing what could have happened if Kakashi-sensei and Lee-san weren't there. Till this day we wondered if Sasuke had indeed tried to… here I was too, being unable to say it and swallowing the lump forming in my throat. I hadn't ever dared to ask him about it. Kakashi-sensei said that it was possible that Sasuke in fact didn't really know what he was going to do and that his mind wasn't on it really. I trusted his judgment and because he had been there but till this moment I kept wondering what really was going through Sasuke's head then. The woman's face softened after looking at us probably guessing that it was a bad and sad memory to think of concerning Sasuke. It was clearly shown how much she was worried genuinely and it was strange how that didn't spark the jealousy in me. I didn't see her as a threat now and I felt that her relationship with Sasuke was sincere and pure, whichever it was. I didn't know if they were friends or just acquaintances and even when I felt envious, a little crazy and sad for that possibility, for thinking that probably he opened to her more than he could have done with me I could handle it.

"Anyway, I had a mission with him then and Kakashi-sensei and Shikamaru and then it happened." Naruto explained straight with dead serious and worried face. Hinata and I couldn't help to feel his emotions; we knew what he was talking about. "Sasuke suffered some sort of seizure."

Naruto went quiet and by the faraway and melancholic look on his blue eyes I knew he was thinking in all that went on in that mission in specific. It was Hinata's time to explain to the woman about Sasuke's last symptom from his weird sickness and I just listened deeply concerned and anguished. I hadn't known about it till later at Miyu's birthday party but I knew that it was very serious and what it meant for Sasuke's health. It was the symptom that scared me terribly because I knew what it could cause and I couldn't help to feel anxiety and worry whenever I was with Sasuke and I pictured him having that horrible and painful seizure again. Sometimes I imagined that when we weren't together and it was a million of times worst. What if he suffered one when I wasn't near and he… died? I shuddered inwardly feeling the watering in my tired eyes but I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm down. I didn't like to see him bleeding from his nose and ears within the endless preoccupied realm of my mind. It caused me physical pain right in my chest just thinking in that possibility. I didn't want him to suffer. And I didn't want him to die. It was heartbreaking and overwhelming to know that the young man I loved so much had such a sentence on top of his head foreshadowing his possible death.

The woman didn't say anything but her pale and serious expression said it all. She locked eyes with me for a moment and in her furrowed brow I knew what she was telling me. She knew the same as me. We both knew that Sasuke could die just like that any day if the seizure was too strong for him to face it. His body was weakened and his mind was fractured. His soul was scattered. Since I had known about his strange sickness I knew that he wasn't in his best and probably he wasn't going to be it ever again. But there wasn't really a death sentence till this last symptom appeared. Tsunade-sama had said it herself. Tsunade-sama decided to keep it a secret wanting to protect Sasuke and I understood that but I didn't back then. When I knew about it I was so angry for not knowing about the seizures and the danger they put on Sasuke and I felt that I needed to know being the mother of his child. And being the woman who had loved him all his life despite the wavering of our interactions, I thought mocking myself for my corny and childish phrase. I remembered the mission where Shino and Sasuke got hurt and how my path was crossed again with the only man I had loved all my life. It had been much later when I understood why Naruto was so persistent in making me see that I needed to be in peace with Sasuke. I smiled saddened inwardly. He knew about the seizures. That mission had gotten us closer for better or for worse.

"I guess that the seal you told me he was forced to have tattooed didn't stop him and neither the seizures to go on in his douche ways." The woman chimed in rolling her eyes and trying to ease the heavy atmosphere surrounding us after remembering Sasuke's precarious state. I smiled grateful for her quick insight to keep us from falling in that deep and dark uncertainty. Probably I understood now why Sasuke felt at ease with her and her mother. They seemed to be perceptive people. "And with that he keeps making things worse and worse."

She simply said sighing deeply. I secretly worried thinking in the implications of her last statement. Naruto and Hinata were looking serious and concerned listening to us quietly.

"How sure are you?"

I asked preoccupied and intrigued knowing that she probably knew less than her mother who had used the jutsu Sasuke tried and backfired on him but she knew more than me or anyone here in Konoha about it and I was aware of that. So her opinion was important to me. She took a moment to gather the answer she was going to give but I could read perfectly in her eyes what she was trying to communicate me openly with sincerity and urgency. Your husband is the main thing going worse and worse.

"I'm pretty sure. Like I told you I don't know how to perform the jutsu and I'm not interested in knowing." She said decided. "But I know some things about my mother's business and from what she told me about Sasuke and his sickness and the unexpected consequences he was showing due to it… and all he has been doing according to your words... I'm worried that he can get worse without notice. The seal was a very bad move and it only increased the danger for him. His mind and body had enough to deal with to add another crappy thing in the mix."

"You're right. The seal prevented him from leaving Konoha. And by preventing I mean the real stuff, the real meaning of it."

Naruto told her with large grave blue eyes before explaining himself what occurred the day he and the others had invited Sasuke to leave Konoha to have a picnic. Hinata nodded giving emphasis to her boyfriend's alarm concerning that terrible episode. I silently mused how horrible must have been for them to see the power of the seal working so strongly against Sasuke's will to leave the village even when he wasn't planning to run away. I didn't know if I shouldn't feel lucky for not being there.

"You told me that your father was the one who created and tattooed the seal, right?" She asked the Hyuuga heiress and she nodded again knitting her eyebrows with worry.

"And I guess he knew about how it worked that day." The answer came in another nod from Hinata. "Did he tell you that it was the way he expected it to function?"

"Father told me that the seal did its job perfectly. But he did imply that it shouldn't have done it exactly in the way it did. He implied that the way it worked that day was messier and not his style. That it was aggressive in its behavior. He thought that Sasuke's sickness was the cause behind it."

"Bad move."

She gestured to me and I nodded this time frowning angered. They hurt Sasuke against the advice of someone who knew better like Hiashi Hyuuga just out of old hate, distrust and prejudice. I was conscious of what guilt the Uchiha Clan carried and what guilt my husband had on his shoulders due to his decisions in the past. But if there was something I thought we learned from the last war was that you could change your ways if you wanted it from the bottom of your heart and want to make amends and that concepts like prejudice, mistrust and resentment only created profound abysms between the nations and their people. I wasn't blind in recognizing that Sasuke had been a high ranked criminal but I believed that he had done enough in helping out to stop the war even if I wasn't her wife or loved him like a mad and I could be biased by it. I wasn't protecting him from it but I knew that he wasn't an evil person inside and he proved himself worthy to have a second chance. He did it every time he went on a mission from Konoha despite his weakened health. I sighed trying to not stir the past right now. Thankfully those days were long gone and Sasuke could go out and return freely whenever he wanted or stay in Konoha knowing relieved that he was able to leave if he desired it, if he only felt totally in home, Sakura pondered sorrowful. She stared preoccupied and serious at the woman.

"Sasuke in fact found a way to leave Konoha after that. He somehow affected the seal's working to be able to do it. He's good in that field anyway."

"I see." She chuckled after watching me rolling my eyes knowingly. Naruto smirked funnily and Hinata smiled shyly. "But even with all the knowledge he has I recommend to no do the things so easily like if he was normal because he's not. He's sick. Things don't work in him in the same way they worked before, that's what mother says."

I couldn't help to agree with her after I heard about the source of his sickness. The way she said it so sternly and focusing in me only caused me to remember that she dreaded the same outcome of it. Don't think about that now.

"Can I ask you something?" Naruto said with courtesy and obvious displayed urgency in his face. The woman nodded frowning worried at his expression. "In that time Sasuke left Konoha to confront a group of criminals who used to kidnap important people." Oh yes. I was so glad that my friend had brought that to our attention. We didn't lose anything asking her if she knew something related to that awful moment. I remembered that Sasuke assaulted Tsunade-sama's office looking for something in the files keeping the information of missions. We didn't understand then what he was looking for until later. "Do you know something about that? About how he knew Miyu was in their list? He stole that information from the files of the Hokage's office before manipulating the seal and leaving Konoha, arranging everything about his Last Will and the Uchiha heritage to be designated to Sakura and Miyu and giving her daughter his last name." The stranger frowned considering his words with serious expression and looking utterly surprised and glad for the last bit of Naruto's speech. "Do you know how did he know about the list those criminals had containing his daughter's name?"

"I don't really know but maybe I can give you my theory about it. But I think Sasuke is the only one who can answer those questions. But it not surprises me anyway. Like I told you Sasuke didn't visit us all the times he left Konoha. And he went out in disguise most of the times so probably he heard rumors while he was traveling. It's quite possible that he heard about this group of kidnappers that specialized in important people."

Tsunade-sama had guessed the same about the disguise thing. If this woman was right and Sasuke spent his time away from the village disguised and being talented as he was it was quite probable that he heard a lot of things with his skills and silence. I feared concerned what places he could have visited and the people he could have met out there when he was on his own and with his precarious health. But the file about that criminal group was in Konoha's hands and it had been programmed to be deal with very soon in a top secret mission. Sasuke took it before that and handled himself with the situation even knowing this. I guessed it was because Miyu was involved already in it and he wasn't going to stay doing nothing knowing that she was in pending danger, not minding how the hell he knew that she was in that kind of danger. I could understand that and I would have done the same, it was our daughter's safety and life in the line, even though the logical and rational part of my mind told me that the mission could have gone smoother if it was done the way it had been planned. But right now that didn't matter and it was in the past.

"The real question here is how he knew that Miyu was a target." I intervened looking thoughtful and concerned just like my three companions. "And if Miyu wasn't in their list I don't know if Sasuke would have taken personally the mission to stop their advances knowing that this group of criminals was going to be stopped soon by order of Tsunade-sama."

"It's unlikely that he had chosen that if that was the case. I think that if Miyu wasn't in their plans Sasuke wouldn't try to chase and stop them. He knew that Konoha would deal with it being part of the system. He would simply leave the village not looking back and by the way he dealt with his Last Will and the Uchiha heritage not thinking in coming back ever."

Naruto added. I knew that his assessments were right and by the way Hinata nodded thoughtful I was certain that she believed the same. The stranger just stared pensive and silent at us.

"But why would he want to leave Konoha and Miyu behind definitely?"

Hinata's question was the one that I had in my long list of unsolved mysteries concerning my husband. Things had seemed to be going better before that harsh and secretive decision he took then. So why did he choose to leave us and not to come back ever again? What drove him to decide it? I sighed deeply frowning worried and intrigued. Why do you have to be so complicated, Sasuke? I didn't quite learn to read him ever even though I lived with him and I wasn't prepared when he took decisions arbitrarily leaving us in the dark. Such a mystery.

"Either way, Sasuke found that nasty group of kidnappers and some of us found him with them." Naruto explained to the woman with serious blue eyes that reflected the frustration he felt for not knowing the reasons behind his best friend's actions. "We don't know how he knew where he could find the group but he did it and they're rotting away in a cell. In the file there wasn't the information about their location. They moved around a lot and it was hard tracking them, that's why they kept doing their criminal acts."

"Maybe in the same way Sasuke knew by first hand that Miyu was included in their plans." The woman interjected facing us calmly. "His incessant solo journeys gave information of the gathering of bad people out there. Or maybe he knew who could have the info."

She implied looking drained like I feel after all this pondering and theorizing. I nodded finding rationality in her statements. Look at us, Sasuke, how you have us guessing about your life. I chuckled secretly somehow feeling proud of my sort of fake husband.

"He should have shared his intentions then!" Naruto exclaimed with indignation and anger. But I could see those emotions coming from his intense preoccupation and nagging frustration over his best friend's safety. "If he had some clue we could have helped!"

"Perhaps he didn't know that it as a mission of high importance to Konoha and he didn't want to waste time."

Hinata nicely collaborated but Naruto still looked agitated and concerned. I mused about her input. Even being shinobi from Konoha and from a high rank we didn't know all that happened outside our boundaries. The organization of information was others' job and we only did it trusting in their decisions and the wise opinion of our Hokage. Of course, we heard rumors of things going on in other places of our nation and in others outside it but it wasn't until we were assigned a mission that we knew fully what really occurred. So it was possible that Hinata was right and Sasuke didn't know how much the people in Konoha were into the kidnappers' businesses. And he couldn't communicate easily either and just like the Hyuuga heiress said he didn't want to waste time tracking them.

"But if he prepared himself to leave the village and never return" The woman chimed in furrowing her brows with heavy seriousness capturing our attention. "It could explain it. The reason he had to not tell anyone of his plan in tracking these criminals that endangered his daughter personally and deal with them on his own. He wouldn't want anyone knowing of his purpose of leaving forever, he knew that anyone who knew him and appreciated him would try to stop him and being the stubborn jackass he is, he would have fought hard against it. He couldn't afford it and wasn't going to put anyone through it. And besides" She paused with gravelly expression. "Probably he was prepared to die stopping them and much less he was going to let anyone to be there to witness or stop it. Why other reason could he had after letting everything settled concerning Miyu and her future? Why he waited till that moment to do it?

I was left speechless as my two friends listening to her. Of course she was right about Sasuke and this again reminded me that they had a connection. It wasn't the one I had dreaded horribly but it was one that existed there. If she could say that about Sasuke, about his way of thinking to no say nothing to anyone about his plans it meant that she knew him better that I had thought and that Naruto, Hinata and I knew or supposed we knew about Sasuke after so many years and hardships. I felt a little envious for her quick insight concerning my husband's behavior to be able to read that from him barely knowing him compared with our time knowing him. By what she had told us I thought that they didn't share a lot of time in their home along her mother but obviously she was a very good observer of character. But I put those musings away and focused in the main thing here. I remembered that we thought the same back then in Tsunade-sama's office, that Sasuke was thinking in not coming back and giving his life away in this mission he had assigned to himself. I suspected it. But I was wordless and dumbfounded while I stared at her inquisitive eyes because another thought was ringing loudly through my mind. Why Sasuke probably felt that the chance of dying was there? He wasn't stronger as before but he was at least much more than any of the criminals from that group. He was intelligent and talented and with valuable skill aside from his current limitations. And I was sure he did think in a plan to confront them and he didn't confront them blindly. Could he be injured as a final result? Yes. Any shinobi could be harmed. Ones more than others. So the only thing weighting heavily in my anguished mind was that he really thought he was going to die at the mere end. But it would be by the hands of the criminals who would have hurt him in the unfair fight or his own body and mind would have been so weakened and exhausted that death was the only answer to that straining confrontation?

I swallowed painfully with eyes drifting away from this room. I didn't want to think in the last probable explanation. Sasuke couldn't die. He wouldn't die. I wasn't going to let him die. He won't die. My green eyes crossed the stranger's ones and somehow I knew that she understood what I was going through that exact moment. And the grave comprehension I found in the deep of her eyes only increased my fear. What was she trying to convey then in the look we shared in her taciturn expression? What she didn't say or couldn't say? She smiled softly.

"Good thing that you could convince him to stop being a douche and come back to Konoha and his friends and family."

She interjected averting her eyes calmly and diverting the conversation and her own attention to other issue. I blinked painfully trying to find solace in her quick and thoughtful action. Could it be that I was seeing something that it wasn't there or that I was mistaking it? But I didn't want to ask now what I couldn't pronounce yet and I didn't want to do it in front of my friends. It wasn't that I didn't trust them or that I didn't want them to know but I simply needed time for myself to get a grip on my shaking mind and throbbing heart and talk to her about it and process it first, whatever the reason was. And somehow I knew that this woman didn't want me to ask her probably anything ever and less in front of other people. She must have her reasons just like I had mine.

"Yeah, Sakura-chan did very great scolding that dumbass!"

Naruto exclaimed more cheerful and grinning happily while Hinata chuckled shyly. The woman smirked. I couldn't help to remember that time. My soul soared just reminiscing the overwhelming relief that I felt when we found Sasuke after thinking so many dangerous and dark things. I smiled inwardly with eyes clouded in bittersweet happiness and trapped in the past. I had feared so much the possibility of being late or never seeing him again.

I sighed honestly smiling softly with my eyes lost in the ground. I knew he had his dark glance fixed in the truck of the tree. I turned to him slowly searching for a reaction to my words. He sensed me watching and waiting patiently with serenity and seriousness and a kind invitation and nodded afterwards locking his secretive eyes in my pale face for seconds before returning them to the front. I could sense that he wasn't expecting this; he wasn't expecting to be confronted about his last actions in favor of our daughter and least hearing me saying all that. I nodded too smiling glad. He couldn't go on denying the true love he felt for our little girl and he had accepted it finally.

"Sasuke-Kun... you should return to Konoha with us. There's no point in going away, the village is your home, it has been always... so please, come back with us, Miyu misses you, and you know... she keeps calling for you to come to see her. Konoha is our home, is your home... you cannot change that even after everything that had happened... so come back, I promised her to bring you to her and you know a mother can't break her promises."

I knew that Miyu was the main and unique reason that it would have an effect on him. It didn't surprise me now that Sasuke adored her and was ready to die protecting her and keeping her safe. I didn't know yet why he didn't accept her entrance to the world at first but I knew that someone like him who had lost all his family would value that concept probably better than others. And it wasn't only because all his clan was dead. It was the way they had died and all the entire conflict and situation that involved their deaths. All that I guessed had given him a perspective where he surely was even ready to kill if it meant that Miyu's safety and happiness could be achieved with that. Some part of that understanding scared me for all the implications that came with scenarios leading to that and what circumstances could be called justice and which not and some part it made me feel safe and supported knowing that I counted with someone else prepared to go those lengths for my daughter. I felt protected. It was different because this was her father even when I knew I had friends and family by my side. Sasuke and I were her parents and we loved her beyond our imagination and with all our heart and soul and it was our responsibility and honor to give her the best of this life.

My wandering thoughts were taken back on track thanks to Naruto joyfully chatting with the woman about how Sasuke had gotten back to Konoha thanks to me and then his expression turned somber and concerned when he explained to her about Sasuke's seizure at Miyu's birthday party. That seizure had been a lot more dangerous than the previous ones and after he recovered from it he fainted due to one of his migraine in one of his visits to pick up Miyu. Now that I looked back into our troubled past I was somehow relieved and grateful that his health hadn't faltered now so much like in those times. He wasn't perfectly fine but he was better than then. I wanted so hard to feel hope in his total recovery but something writhing within my heart told me otherwise. And the looks I had shared with this woman in some moments in this long and unexpected chat just increased that uneasy contradiction to my usual optimism. Why can't I hope? Why do I feel this anguish that I cannot disappear with fragile and shining wish?

"Are you involved in his treatments?"

She asked with courtesy and I nodded firmly. I wasn't at first, I remembered well enough and I only accepted to step into his care after Miyu's second birthday and that terrible seizure that somehow opened my eyes. Naruto was right. I wasn't going to spend any more time discussing with him, fighting him. Not when I dreaded something horrible coming our way. I didn't know then that I felt like this truly in my deepest heart of hearts because I couldn't let myself be lost in the inevitability of my darkest assumption and thoughts but I did later and I found myself feeling it now more than ever when I looked at it all calm and collected at the various things that happened after that specific situation. Tsunade-sama had been quite serious back then about Sasuke's health and general condition. The treatments she prescribed to him were functioning perfectly till then when Sasuke's sickness suddenly got out of hand without explanation. I exhaled profoundly concerned remembering it wholly and not really wanting to. Sasuke's health was so frail in those times and then something worse occurred when the incident with the Amaterasu and Sasuke's loss of control over it happened. It brought terrible consequences that still chilled me to the bone and caused in me so much anger and frustration. The explanation came back later thanks to Tsunade-sama and Shizune when they discovered that Sasuke had suffered sabotage in his treatment and medications. I clenched my jaw utterly disgusted and furious almost literally seething. The Council wanted so much to imprison him, to control him and not content and satisfied with it they dared to suggest him losing his sight. I had been so desperate to find a solution to avoid this unfair and terrible outcome, to save him somehow, to work a miracle in my useless hands or find it in others' ones and paying whatever cost to obtain it; I would have done anything to spare him from that damn fate. And it was then that you found that letter that shattered your heart, remember? Inner Sakura told me mocking me with unrestrained pain. How could I forget? It always remembered me how much simple words could hurt and kill the soul and smash the heart even when they didn't have sound.

I'm not interested in you. I don't love you. You're the mother of my child by casualty and I thank you that. I love Miyu even when I didn't plan to have her. I want you to do your life with other man and don't wait more for me because it will never happen. The best that could happen is for you to hate me for telling you the truth. I don't want to see you anymore to not give you false hope. I only have interest in my daughter and in being a good ninja like before. Forget me.

I couldn't deny his honesty towards me and now I could call it even appreciation in some way. He never lied to me about his feelings for me, he never lied to me about his position in our relationship and he was always sincere in that despite some strangeness of his actions and his obvious in some points physical attraction for me and at least in that he was a less faulted than me. Probably it was me the one who was lying all the time to myself, waiting and expecting, making castles in the air and looking for a happy ending when there wasn't even a story between us leading to it. I chuckled sad inwardly. And here I am still pretending that we are a couple like Shikamaru and Temari wanting to be it, trying to force someone to feel the same as me and mistaking a situation thinking that he had a mistress and making a big fuss about it without listening to his explanation. I laughed secretly feeling ashamed of me and ridicule. But I wondered then if Sasuke's feelings hadn't changed a little after all we had lived. Was I trying to keep lying to myself? Foolish and dreamy girl, when are you going to learn?

"And then Sakura-chan comes so serious and told us "I'm going to marry Sasuke-kun" and we were standing there like fools gaping and shocked!"

I was startled and I flinched softly listening to Naruto's cheerful voice after being lost in thought without really planning it. The woman chuckled at his funny tone of voice pretending being me and Hinata couldn't help to smile a little embarrassed staring at me with pleading eyes. I wasn't angry of course; I just rolled my eyes knowingly with an easy and sincere smile. Naruto was right. My announcement then caught them off guard and blew their minds away. That moment happened so long ago was played inside my head and brought me back that bitterness and sweetness that seemed to always come when there was something related to Sasuke and me. The flashback only served me to realize that I didn't regret my stupid decision even now and after all that occurred after it. Yes, most people called it a sacrifice but I was prepared to pay the price and if I had to choose the same now I would do it without a second thought and knowing the truth about this woman, knowing that I wasn't keeping him away from her love. His safety and my daughter's happiness was the most important thing to me in the whole world even against my own and that was all. It had always been everything to me.

"I want to do it in spite of that. I want my daughter to have her father free and with his sight. I want Sasuke-kun to enjoy being her father because it is the only good thing he has that belongs to him right now. She's his family. And she makes him happy and she soothes him like no medicine can do in the world." She paused sighing with a sad smile and shining eyes and looking at all of us. "I know what I'm doing. I'm conscious about it. I know it will be a fake marriage and that I'll never have his love. But it doesn't matter to me. I'll regret it all my life if I don't do something I can do now to help him even if it is a sacrifice to make. I know I'll have hard times and I know what expects me in the way but that is nothing if I can save him. That's all that matters to me. I could have decided to help him to escape from this, from Konoha, but away from here and from all of us is something even harder to think than marrying him even without him loving me. I can't bear the thought of having him away and alone. I simply can't stand the possibility of keeping him away from Miyu when I can do something to keep him safe, protected and loved here. That's going to be my happiness."

"That had to be a wedding." The woman cut in smiling. "I can imagine all the luxury and entertainment there."

"Yes, you're very right. It was more that I could handle, so thank heavens I had help."

I answered with a big smirk just remembering it. Naruto and Hinata looked a lot more relaxed and content and I noticed that above all my dire doubts and obscure uncertainness I felt somehow the same as them and I wanted to believe that we were able to handle anything thrown in our way like we always did. I needed to believe it desperately against all odds and against that inner voice telling me otherwise.

"It was a very big ceremony and party, Sakura-chan deserved it after being her the one proposing! That's a man's job!"

Naruto interrupted me quite joyful and excited explaining her about the things involving the wedding as I rolled my eyes a little blushed for listening to it. Hearing it from the perspective of other was kind of overwhelming and embarrassing when you married someone who was like royalty or something and you were sort of a pauper who married a prince. My prince to whom I proposed. I smirked saddened inwardly. I always wondered how it would have been if Sasuke was the one proposing to me and the idea was a sorrowful one because that wasn't going to happen ever. I could guess just knowing him but maybe he was a box of surprises just like he was as box of mysteries. I had dreamed a lot of times in the moment when I would say "Yes" to his "Would you marry me?" question. What an irony. I ended being the one doing the proposal like if it was a business. And indeed it was, fool girl. But what harm was done in dreaming? The only one harmed was me and just me. Would you have done a romantic proposal or an unexpected one, Sasuke? A funny one or a weird one?

"Look, I have found a way to stop them from imprisoning and sending you away. I know that it's not what you would wish and you don't want it, I can tell it after I read the letter you wrote for me." I paused and he just kept his intense and unreadable gaze on me. I tried not showing my sadness over the issue of the letter and I kept my decisive and serious expression. "But I think is the best way to proceed. Marry me."

I stopped after the last two words left my mouth so easily and I laughed inwardly at how empty and meaningless they sounded in this case in particular. How sad. Sasuke-kun stared at me a little surprised and shocked and he blinked like if he couldn't believe his ears. I nodded firmly and not showing my true feelings over this.

"Marry me. As your wife I can stand by your side and they'll leave you in peace. Our marriage will protect you better than anything and they'll have to fight against Miyu and me if they dare to try to do something to you."

My right hand found the other one resting in my lap as Naruto went on telling with extreme detail to our guest about the wedding and my fingers couldn't help to miss the ring Sasuke had given me, my engagement ring, that I had buried enraged and aching under piles of clothes inside a drawer. I sighed inwardly feeling the unnaturalness of my naked finger downhearted. It wasn't that I always wore it and even less when I had the job I had but there were times when I wore it and it made my heart feel lighter just by the simple act of wearing it despite being the physical representation of something fake. And when I wasn't wearing it and I kept it as a treasure hidden in one of my drawers I couldn't help to feel it encircling my finger and its weight there. I felt such a girl. But it wasn't its beauty but its true and high value that for me was priceless knowing where it came from. Sasuke could have given me a ring less impressive and less important to him and it would be the same. It meant something to me even if it was a pretention and no one could take that away from me even if the ring physically disappeared. It had belonged to me first and I felt too proud and so damn good about it that it made me blush secretly.

He just stared at me silently for a moment putting me in the edge of craziness before pulling out something from an inner pocket of his upper clothing. I watched confused while he put slowly and with grace a beautiful, red and little velvet box in front of my entangled hands over the table and then he pulled away his right hand. It took me just a second to know what it was and I was dumbstruck and shocked, deeply surprised by it. I tried to hide my reaction the faster I could, this is a business, and I reminded myself staring at the little box stunned still. I didn't want to act like a normal girl in this kind of situation because this wasn't a normal situation and I used all my willpower to take control over my heart racing inside my chest and drumming in my ears and my lungs breathing quickly. But I couldn't move a damn finger and less a hand to take it and open it. I was afraid that Sasuke-kun could take my weird behavior as something to regret his acceptance to my mad plan but he surprised me again when his hands again approached the little box and opened it and a beautiful, elegant and perfect engagement ring stared at me in all its glory. I looked at it amazed by the big diamond crowning it, it was huge in fact, sparkling marvelously and the ring seemed to be of white gold. It had to be gold. Uchiha meant gold in this kind of things, I stupidly thought. I loved that it was white instead of golden. It gave it a more elegant feature. Still I couldn't dare to take it and Sasuke-kun once more surprised me taking it from the little box with one hand and with the other he took my left one that wasn't shaking just for willpower and he placed it in the right finger easily and then it was there encircling my pale finger perfectly. It matched perfectly.

Even knowing this was an arrangement and a business I couldn't help to be filled by the common and expected happiness, joy and hope a situation like this cause in a normal woman, I guessed. For a moment the inner little princess waiting for her prince exploded inside me in bliss imaging this moment a little different but it didn't last long because I was reminded of why it was happening. I didn't smile openly but my face couldn't help to soften at the sight of it and I supposed that Sasuke-kun thought it was for the ring itself and not what it meant to me.

Thinking in the past brought me back the memories of my mother and father's reaction back then concerning my wedding with Sasuke I couldn't help to feel my eyes blurring and my throat tightening in a strangled sob but I managed on time to stop myself. It hurt me that I was the main cause that had roughened the things between my parents when my mother decided to support me and help me with Miyu. It hurt me knowing that my father hadn't changed his mind about my decisions and didn't want anything to do with my little girl. I knew they were still together but I was a taboo in their own home and he couldn't share my mother's happiness on having a granddaughter. Would you ever forgive me, father? Would you ever let us be a family again? He didn't want to see me or talk to me. I feared the possibility of not being able to reconcile with him ever and thinking in wasting our lives like this and dying like this distressing and overwhelmingly painful.

"That sounds so romantic." The woman said with dreamy eyes and Hinata nodded happily. I could picture her imagining right then her own wedding with Naruto. I smiled enthusiastically wishing for them all the bliss I could gather inside of me just like I had wished for Shikamaru and Temari. Hinata was going to be a beautiful princess bride. Naruto was very lucky for having her loving him unconditionally. "I remember that mother and I heard about it on the passing. It was such an event in the Land of Fire. Sasuke is very lucky to have you."

She nodded firmly and again there was something in the way her eyes gleamed causing my heart to squeeze softly within my chest. I didn't know exactly what it was squeezing it. Was it trepidation? Was it fear? Was it hopelessness? Was it the truth I didn't dare to recognize and she knew about Sasuke? But some things had changed since our wedding and others hadn't. I barely could refrain myself from losing my soul in the memories of our unplanned and unexpected honeymoon and what it happened in them. I couldn't let myself be carried away in front of my friends and this woman because I knew my eyes were going to fill with unshed tears and my mouth was going to be pulled into a melancholic and bittersweet smile and all that not counting the intimate night we had shared and I had branded eternally in my humming brain. So I focused instead in the present and frowning curious I forced myself to be attentive and stop fussing in my own complicated feelings and thoughts.

"Did it work?" The woman asked genuinely concerned. "Did the Council back off after the marriage?"

"It seemed that way." I responded preoccupied recollecting the memories about the time after the wedding and honeymoon and reading again the thoughts and feelings evoked from them concerning this issue although I tried so hard to leave them behind me. Naruto and Hinata's expression become a little somber. "They went on giving Sasuke a lot of work to do. We all were very busy casually. Suddenly they trusted him enough to send him on missions more dangerous and we feared that Sasuke's health could be harmed and we weren't wrong but luckily it wasn't as risky as a seizure. Not that it was easier to watch it and handle it. It was both way horrible and paining seeing Sasuke getting sicker without really knowing how to heal him completely and let everything behind like if it was a terrible nightmare."

Even when I was happy for the reunion I didn't forget about his sudden migraine and I wondered worried about what could happen next. Were all the other symptoms going to worsen again? His movements and walking were slower than the ones of common people but he could defend himself pretty well in that specific area. I noticed that at least the treatment for his migraines and fever had functioned very well. He hadn't hallucinated thank heavens since his last time in the hospital after the Amaterasu's incident and it was the same with his seizures. He hadn't had one like the smaller ones when he focused and unfocused his look unconsciously or when he was completely absent for just seconds and he didn't see or hear anything. That was the symptom I dreaded more because I knew that it was dangerous enough to let him in a coma or kill him. Just thinking it made me shudder in panic, anguish and distress. He wasn't completely able to show pain or emotions still but he had gotten better at it and sometimes he could do it. The major part of the time his look wasn't lost. He still could easily get disoriented if he didn't pay attention or had help or used one of the trainings Kakashi-sensei had taught him. He didn't try to write again ever and it took a long time for him to read. Every time I watched the scars in his arms and the seal in his forehead it hurt me deeply and it made me wonder what was going on inside his mind. I wanted so bad to understand him, to help him, to heal him. He still needed to be reminded of the things he had to do but he had gotten better at it too, especially when it was concerning missions like if he wanted to prove to anyone he was perfectly capable of performing them. He hadn't had one of his catatonic episodes all the days and nights I had been living under the same roof as him and I was grateful for that because it meant that at least he was controlled in that symptom.

"Were the seizures treated well?"

She asked thoughtful and serious and I nodded worried and feeling downcast and suffering after being remembering and telling her about that time when he felt ill due to the incessant working he did despite his weakening condition. He overworked himself too hard. He was a proud man and he wasn't going to fall in the Council's evil doings even if it killed him, probably. I sniffled and blinked my unshed tears away forcing myself to be strong and concentrate in the matter at hand. Hinata smiled gently to me with sad pearly eyes and I sighed deeply regaining my composure and fixing my stare on the woman with truthful concerned eyes. Naruto put his arm around my shoulders in a supporting gesture and let it linger there a couple of minutes making me feel better.

"You know, it had been difficult to mother and to me to know exactly what's going on with Sasuke." She paused sighing tiredly but with very determinate and understanding look. "His muteness and his personality don't help a lot" Now she rolled her eyes at the last words looking calmer as she smirked a little but the worry didn't leave her face ever. I wondered if she noticed it or if she let it there for me to see it for some unknown reason. "Mother guessed right being the one who knows the jutsu better and for some time she tried to find a way to cure him but nothing has really worked. And we guessed finally that Sasuke somehow gave up. Either way I really think that it's worth the shot, to keep looking for answers."

I listened to her feeling some hope building within my blue heart. They hadn't left him on his own and they had tried to help him to recover but just like us they didn't find the absolute cure for him. We treated his symptoms and helped him to deal with them the best way we could but just like these women we hadn't found the way to save him totally. I felt such a despair and frustration that I almost drowned in it but I chastised myself. I couldn't lose my head right now when I needed it working perfectly.

"We talked about the possibility of Sasuke looking for a cure or treatment or medications in other places but the little we could get from him it seemed to go in the same way of failure."

"Do you think Sasuke did that in some of the times he was away?"

Naruto asked frowning surprised and looking a lot like me and Hinata, worried and deadly serious. Now that he said it like that it didn't seem illogical for Sasuke to be trying to fix himself on his own looking for a way to recover his damaged health. Back then I didn't really understand why he kept doing that, leaving us behind without giving a simple goodbye, then later thanks to this woman I realized that it was painful to him to stay at least in Konoha for a long period of time and I could understand that now much better and I couldn't put the blame on him. But maybe he was leaving constantly because he wanted to recover completely and be the same as before and I was in the strong idea that Miyu was the main reason behind his quest. Nevertheless this woman thought that he had given up and thinking in our chat about the time when he left pursuing the kidnappers and being ready to die doing it, I guessed she was right again. I felt proud and moved knowing that Sasuke did look around for some cure and he didn't give up at first but on the other hand I felt distressed and anguished knowing that he didn't find anything yet and it could probably mean that there wasn't a cure. Could it be the fate so cruel?

"I don't know but it's possible. Did you ever know where he went to?"

"No, not really." I cut in pensive and more tranquil and feeling recovered from the moment where I almost got lost in despair and ache. "But I think it's possible too. And I think that Sasuke could have been looking around for a cure. He has a daughter he wants to protect. He loves her and it's reasonable that he wants to be in his best to do it." I paused letting my words to sink in the mind of my friends. I could read perfectly in their expression that they understood at some point the gravity of this discussion. "I started my investigation too but I didn't get a cure either. I think we're barely starting to understand what happens to Sasuke and now thanks to you I think we could work in some other better ideas but not a definitive cure. Do you think that if I gave you a copy of his medical file you can work out something with your mother?"

I was pleading. And I was waiting desperate and concerned staring at her with bright eyes. I was ready to ask to anyone for help for Sasuke's sake. Naruto and Hinata looked at her appreciative of her kind offer.

"We're not medic nin but it's worth a try." She smiled honest and comprehensive nodding once. I nodded back smiling gratefully with sincerity. "I don't want to promise anything but I think that having information organized by medic nin can be very useful and it could help us, especially my mother, to try to see what we can do for him. I must tell you that mother is of fragile health and that's another reason to not promise anything. I don't want to raise your hope high for nothing."

"I understand. Whatever you can do I thank you."

Despite not warranties and not promises I couldn't help to see hope. Even if this woman had been his mistress I wouldn't have stopping worrying to death for his health. He was the father of my child and nothing changed that, not jealousy, not envy, not sadness. Probably after I had accepted that fact, that it wasn't true now, I would have gone straight to my investigation to save his life. I couldn't even imagine Miyu's suffering caused for his father's imminent departure and I didn't want to feel it either. I didn't want to lose Sasuke to death like this and I would exchange that for losing him in the hands of another love in spite of my own loss.

"What I think it would be better now for him it's to try to slow his life's rhythm." The woman said frankly with solemn expression. "Sasuke needs to accept the fact that he's not his old self and he needs to rest more and take care of things easily." I nodded knowing that I thought and wanted the same but making Sasuke to accept that reality was impossible. How can I make him see it? I sighed preoccupied and feeling the chilling fear coming to haunt me again in hand with the killing uncertainty. "Mother and I talked… let's suppose a cure is found for Sasuke, not matter the source but if the damage it's already too much… it's very possible that he won't be the same ever again even if he lives a long and healthy life."

Naruto, Hinata and I were speechless and we got lost in our hurtful thoughts due to our own connection to Sasuke. He was Naruto's best friend, Hinata knew that and she cared for him as person and as his friend and the love of my life, husband and father of my child. I couldn't say that I hadn't thought in this but hearing it from someone else was other different thing and it changed everything. I dreaded horribly this result. That's why we needed a cure now. Sasuke had suffered enough and his symptoms were diverse already. Which one could be worse than the seizures? How long he could wait till something irreversible happened? What effects he would have to carry in his life after suffering this sickness so strongly and for so long time?

"Keep doing your research. Give me a copy of his medical file. Let's work together."

She took my hand in a supporting and cheering gesture and I responded grabbing into it with gratefulness written plenty in my teary eyes and pale and concerned face. I smiled softly and she let go of me nodding with unwavering decision.

"I tried to find something when we were living in Suna in the Land of the Wind but it was the same."

"Yeah, I heard about that, about your moving to Suna for a time. I hope you spent a good time there. I guess Miyu was delighted."

I chuckled happily and then I smiled nodding to her. Naruto and Hinata relaxed watching me doing it and they felt at ease when I was tranquil and more optimist. Miyu always had that effect on me. I remembered briefly our time there without trying to dive into my melancholic memories too deep. Don't go there now. There are more important things to do now than stay hurting in the part of the past where you were sad and hurting, I admonished myself. The woman was right; despite everything our time living there was good and nice and sharing time with the Sand Siblings had a lot to do with it. My little girl was happy and joyful and didn't resent a lot the change of scenery and the change for Sasuke was unexpectedly and gratefully good too.

I said kind and understanding despite the nostalgic I felt for our future from here on staying in a village that wasn't our own but trying to analyze everything that had made him take such a decision. I knew him since he was little as me, I knew part of his life and I could perfectly try to understand his denial to go back to a village where surely he didn't feel totally welcomed and at ease. And I was worried that if I forced him to return to Konoha his rare illness could worsen when he had finally seemed to have it under control. I wasn't going to risk all that only because I felt melancholic.

"Sasuke was very well. He didn't have relapses. He worked fine and he looked calmer." I said thoughtful and with eyes drifting away. Now I understood the reason behind that, the words behind the lines. I thought that I understood it before perfectly and I thought that his uneasiness for Konoha was for not feeling welcomed and at ease. Now I guessed that perhaps he feel that he didn't belong to the village anymore and he couldn't find a complete ease living in the place where his clan was killed and he wasn't. He was alive. Yet. "I even dare to say that he was happier living there." I hadn't told anyone this and now I noticed how it affected Naruto. He remained silent but he was surprised for my admission and then he looked sad. Hinata took his hand and smiled tenderly at him and Naruto smiled back softly. "How much his emotional and mental state influences his actual condition? I know that it does it."

I asked her trying to deliver us from the harsh and unavoidable truth behind my confession. Naruto knew that his best friend wasn't totally happy in the village that he considered their home and I didn't doubt that he suspected the reasons but that didn't change the fact that Naruto was a cheerful, joyful and optimistic person and that he thought that Sasuke was ready to let go the shadows of his hardships and painful experiences related to Konoha. I smiled at him gently with melancholic eyes trying to show him that I got it and that I was sorry for it. He stared at me with sympathetic expression. We couldn't force Sasuke to feel something he didn't feel and to let go of things he wasn't ready to let go.

"Yes, that's true. I'm sorry. And it does it strongly. That's why I think he was calmer and happier in Suna than here. Konoha must bring hurtful memories to him and I'm only supposing here but probably his hallucinations are the symptom showing most that. It's the symptom that doesn't entirely affect him physically."

I nodded feeling worse and not finding what to say. It was logical. Sunagakure didn't have connections to Sasuke's life and it was a fresh place to start anew like we had done it then. Maybe I shouldn't have asked him about returning to Konoha and I should have decided for myself. I shouldn't have risked all that only because I felt melancholic. I couldn't help to feel blame for it. Perhaps if we have stayed there he would be a lot better now. Things would be different. We would be different. But I was such a weak.

"Don't feel guilty." The woman said after watching me quietly with concern and sympathy. It still amazed me how observant and inquisitive she could be. "There's nothing good in running away at the end. If both of you decided to come back I'm pretty sure that Sasuke knew this and accepted it. He knows it. And just because he didn't have mostly good memories from his birthplace doesn't mean that he doesn't have any at all."

"There's nothing here for us." Sasuke added like if yesterday he hadn't been mute and the day before and all this time in fact. The anger battled against my relief and happiness as I shook still marveled and enchanted for hearing him talking to me, watching me. Inwardly I could hear myself screaming things that naturally deserved and explanation but I remained quiet like an idiot staring at him still in awe. "We don't need to stay any longer. Your plans must go on. Prepare everything to go back to Konoha."

I nodded again knowing that it was true although I couldn't shake off the awful guilt I felt. Sasuke couldn't go on running away. It wasn't healthy and I knew it and I knew that sometimes you need to force people to do things that were necessary despite they hurt them because at the mere end it was the correct and good thing to do. Of course, that didn't make me feel wholly better but I knew that she was telling the truth and Sasuke and I couldn't escape it and he agreed to return to our village by his own decision. And that remembered me the secret we both shared and I hadn't said to anyone yet.

"You wanted an explanation." Sasuke paused with soft and affected voice. "I couldn't talk before, for a very long time, till I started to get better with Tsunade-sama's treatment." He retrieved his hand after he had noticed he had my attention and I missed the touch of his skin with mine. Anyway I sucked it up listening to him and praying for not be what I thought it was. "I could talk again from some weeks till now… but it's useless anyway."

Sasuke started to cough again and he closed his eyes tightly and his hands went to the sides of his face like if he had a very really bad headache. I could see the pain he was feeling and I panicked when I started to see the trial of blood coming out of his nose and the shaking his body showed. Some drops fell to the table as I watched wide eyed and speechless totally shocked and worried.

"Can you see it?" Sasuke said softly with hoarse voice opening his eyes and watching me behind the black bangs of his hair falling on his face. He was hunched over the table still grabbing his head with calm and collected behavior. My throat burned and hurt and my eyes really had a very bad time controlling the unshed tears trying to fall apart. "I don't do it because it's useless…" Sasuke trailed off and he averted his eyes and I took advantage of it blinking quickly the tears away before he locked his gaze with me again.

Could I say it? Do I have to say it to break the hope in others like mine had been broken when I knew about it? Would it be worthy shattering others' optimism in listening him to talk again without any problem? People who cared really and deeply about him… people who were worried for him… people who loved him in some way or another. Did I do well in keeping it a secret or did I do wrong? Should I break Sasuke's trust in me for his own sake?

"Talking provokes you a seizure, I can tell that." I started trying to control the tremor in my voice and the despair and pain I felt showed in my eyes. "I can do something to fix it, I can try to help you, to heal you, when we return to Konoha I can work with Tsunade-sama and Shizune and Ino and we can find some way for you to talk without suffering a seizure, please, let me help you, I'm sure we all can"

"There's nothing to do. Do you thing I hadn't tried to fix it? You can check me up if you want, but you'll realize I'm saying the truth. There's no need for that." Was he thinking in me not getting hurt if I saw it for myself? "But it's ok." He added coughing again and grimacing in visible pain and my heart went to him. "It's ok." I knew what he was trying to tell me. He was fine with his situation of not being able to talk ever again to avoid this terrible thing that was happening to him. I knew from watching him that he was expecting me to really understand what he had said and I, despite what I was, a medic nin, and who I was, the one in love with him, nodded as I closed my eyes and more tears fell rolling down my face, quiet tears. I didn't feel the pressure of his finger against my lips anymore and when I opened my eyes I looked at him still pained and saddened to my heart of hearts. Could I really not do something for him? "Don't stress yourself for something that it will never be fixable. It's fine."

"I don't want to see you in pain like this. If you cannot talk then don't do it." I said feeling anger towards whatever or whoever caused this in him. "I don't need it. I hadn't needed it all this time." I smiled softly and sadly. Anyway I wasn't going to let this go so easily, I was a freaking medic nin! I needed to try something! I got back my hand slowly and shyly and I clutched it against my chest trying to not feel blushed for what I had done and I took a deep breath to calm me down before saying what it was left to say. "Let's go back home."

I hadn't told anyone because I couldn't get rid of the image of him almost suffering a seizure because he was forced to talk. I knew that I had persons in which I could completely confide but I knew too that here we had enemies, Sasuke had enemies and I couldn't risk this vital information to leak outside us. But maybe it was time to share it with the persons I trusted even if Sasuke didn't agree. I didn't know if he was going to agree. And I didn't want anyone unpleasant pestering him to talk and causing him to have a freaking seizure. So at the end I just knew that I couldn't do it. I couldn't betray him and risk losing his trust in me and putting him in pending danger. This woman was right, he wasn't ok and he wasn't the same. Nothing was the same. We weren't safe in our own village and in our own home.

"The lady is right." Naruto intervened breaking me away from my turmoil of tormenting hesitation and doubt. I was lucky that I just blinked caught off guard and I didn't look startled or something. The woman was staring silently at me with those inquisitive grey eyes of hers and I felt guilty and uneasy but I wasn't going to say it. My guilt and my uneasiness weren't equal enough for Sasuke's suffering and trust in me. So I stared back at her calmly and she just smiled understanding making me feel worse. What if her mother needed to know this information? What if it was important to reach our desired goal? "You don't need to feel guilty for wanting to come back to Konoha. Sasuke looks fine since you returned and I think that is good, don't you?"

He smiled warmly at me and I just nodded not giving away my inner battle of wills. I didn't want him to suspect anything or Hinata and I felt horrible for that but I couldn't do that to Sasuke. You need to focus in something else.

"Did something else happen with Sasuke?"

"He started to have nightmares and sleeping problems and insomnia. Tsunade-sama said that his meds weren't working properly and he was vulnerable in his sleep time and his hallucinations were troubling him."

I suddenly said quite crestafallen and preoccupied and focusing in something else. I saw deeply worried the shadow that crossed her eyes and the way her expression turned seriously downcast and resigned. She immediately covered it with an attentive one but I didn't miss it. And my heart was trembling scared within my chest. And my soul was crying desperate within my body. And my mind was racing darkly within my head. I wanted with all my might to have faith in this woman who was the daughter of the one that was implicated in his damaged health in some way or another and the help she offered to me. I was going to talk to Tsunade-sama and Shizune about all this and I hoped from the bottom of my heart that together we all could find a cure for Sasuke.

"Does he have still nightmares, sleeping problems or insomnia?" I shook my head sighing deeply relieved for that. Sasuke had gotten better after Tsunade-sama fixed his treatment. "That's good. Everything will work out, alright?"

She smiled kindly at me and I nodded almost sobbing right then just listening her saying the same words Tsunade-sama used that time to comfort me.

"Did he visit you before I…" It was even hard to say it now because I felt ashamed for thinking wrong and not listening to explanations and just misjudging in my crazy pain. "Did he visit you before I found you together?"

"Just a couple of times. Did he leave the village more times than that?"

She answered kindly not making obvious that she could see my discomfort with the exchange of words. I thanked her secretly for that and I nodded tiredly.

"I see. He went to visit us a couple of times and in the third one you saw us, I guess. So he went to other places, probably he still looked around trying to find out a cure or I don't know where else he could go and why."

"I didn't know he kept doing that!"

"He only went away for few days and I didn't say anything being afraid of the repercussions of the knowing in the Council's hands. I didn't want them to think Sasuke dangerous or something. After Hiashi-sama was ordered to erase the seal in him it started again. I'm sorry, Naruto." I explained guiltily and feeling bad at my angered and frustrated friend. Hinata was surprised at my confession but I could see that she understood my silence about it. I looked pleading at my blond former team companion. "I'm really sorry."

"It's ok, Sakura-chan." He interjected sighing tiredly and calming immediately after probably watching me almost in tears asking his forgiveness. "I understand your reasons for not saying anything. That fool owes you big."

I chuckled feeling relieved and he rolled his eyes smiling brightly at me.

"How did you know that Sakura was there?"

Hinata out of the blue asked to the woman and I realized that I hadn't thought in that. I blessed her for asking. I looked intrigued and curious at our visitor just as Naruto and she only smirked funnily.

"Mother watched you. She was out of home when Sasuke arrived. She told us that you were there following him and that you spied on us. When she came back to our home she immediately told him that you were going to think wrong about it and that he needed to explain you somehow." She was right. I misunderstood everything and I didn't let Sasuke to explain somehow what I saw. And now I didn't know if this had gotten the attention from the Council again and if something happened for this… I felt the blame and worry already. "I thought that it was probable that you weren't going to listen to him anyway." She shrugged and smirked kindly. "I wouldn't do it either if it was my case. So I decided to come and explain everything. I'm very sorry for this. I feel really bad about it."

"It's alright. I feel the same too. I'm very grateful for your visit." I smiled sincerely at her nodding. Somehow I felt like I could breathe totally normal again and my chest felt lighter and I repressed the longing to sigh deeply several times and let the remaining tension, pain and sadness out. Sasuke wasn't cheating on me. At least that was something good in our fake marriage and I tried not to think how I was going to face him and talk to him, to fix this. I didn't dare to go there yet when my friends and this nice woman were here with me. I blinked my trepidation and nervousness away. What a mess you made, my inner voice told me mocking me. "And thank you for offering to help."

"No problem." She nodded when she surely was seeing the sorrow and preoccupation I felt when I said the last sentence. I knew that she got it and it worried me how much she did knowing how Sasuke had gotten this weird health condition. "Now I have to go, I promised mother that I was going to come back as soon as I spoke to you and it's getting late."

We all stood and I took Sasuke's medic file and I gave it to her. I really wanted her mother's opinion and hers of course about it. I was going to talk to Tsunade-sama and Shizune too concerning the last news she had brought to us and I hoped that it helped us to cure him somehow sooner or later.

"Have you seen Sasuke?"

Naruto asked her when she took the medic file from my hands and thanked me. She chuckled and a funny spark shone in her eyes.

"Of course not!" She laughed. "He'll be very mad with me for meddling in his life and talking to you." She got serious after that honest short laugh. We understood her. I knew that Sasuke wasn't going to like this and that was the simple way of putting it in words. He was going to dislike greatly that we knew these things about him. Why you have to be so hard, my husband? "But I don't care." She stood firmly and closed her eyes a second sighing tiredly and looking dignified and not worried about his anger towards her. "You needed to know and he needs to stop being so stupid."

She shrugged and smiled and I nodded chuckling despite my concern for this confrontation I was going to face. Naruto laughed looking more relieved and Hinata smiled watching him happily. We accompanied her to the door and Naruto and Hinata offered to go with her to the gates of the village. I knew that they wanted me to be alone to think and prepare to talk to Sasuke and silently I thanked them for that and for the quiet input of their intuition and consideration. Before the three left I couldn't help to ask something to her. I opened my mouth and I cleared my throat staring at her.

"Did Sasuke have somehow let you know something about his life with me and Miyu?"

Oh my God. What a coward I was when I really wanted to ask if he had let her known somehow if he was a little happy with our life. She looked at me gently and I didn't doubt that my eyes looked pathetically sad and hopeful and I felt worse. Weak, weak, weak!

I desperately tried to sound casual and look natural about it but inside I was anything about. I was nervous of the thought that maybe Sasuke could have been sincere with her and in some way had told her what he felt about being married to me. This was my old and still living and breathing young Sakura trying to mess with me and my supposed maturity and experience. She stared at me in silence calmly before conveying in words the thoughts that evoked my questioning. Naruto and Hinata shared a worried glance.

"No particularly." She said and I nodded disappointed but not showing it. I expected that. "But you know" She added with a little smirk. "When I ask him about Miyu and you I couldn't help to see this glimmer of life in his eyes and the way he looks around avoiding me."

She winked an eye for me and then she was gone with my friends leaving me behind looking totally baffled.