Vivian woke for the third time in a week to the sensation of fingers caressing her cheek. This time, she was in her own bed, but yesterday she had been in Spock's. She opened her eyes, blinking away the sleep and the slight ache from sudden brightness, dim as it was.
"Good morning," she whispered, seeing him over her, watching her face. How long had he been awake and simply watching?
"Did you sleep well?" he asked.
With a slight sound of affirmation, Vivian lifted her head off the pillow, pressing her lips firmly to his.
Every time he allowed her to kiss him, every time he responded to the touch of their lips, returning the kiss, Vivian got a particular kind of thrill. She guessed some people had similar thrills, sleeping with their shipmates, but there was something especially thrilling when Spock gave her affectionate gestures because she knew it was something so foreign to his very nature. She let her hand trace up his neck, behind his head, pulling him closer as she used her lips to nudge his apart.
In a way, he was indulging her. Whether or not he found kissing her pleasant, his purpose in doing it was because he knew that it pleased her, and he wanted to please her.
Vivian closed her eyes and smiled into the kiss. What her instructors from the Academy would think if they could see her now, enacting the very subject of her research.
Spock did pull away from the kiss, however, and too soon for Vivian's taste. She was about to kiss him again when he pressed his forehead to hers and said, "We have our duty shifts in an hour. I thought you might want time to dress and eat and shower before reporting to the Bridge."
She groaned, caressing his neck.
"Less than I'd like, actually. I promised Jamie I'd take the morale report by before shift and discuss it on the way to the Bridge." Spock pressed his cheek to hers.
"I will leave you, then," he said softly. "Would you like for me to fetch your breakfast when I am getting my own?"
As appealing and convenient as the thought was, she shook her head and let him go. They were keeping their relationship secret, not because it violated any rules, but because they weren't sure yet what their next step would be, and when, and the pressures and curiosity of their crewmates would no doubt make organizing their future more cumbersome. Maybe not for Spock, but certainly for Vivian, and she appreciated that he was considering her emotional needs when they talked about how to handle things.
Of course, the looks Scotty had been giving her all week, she had a feeling he guessed at least some of it, but she'd avoided speaking with him about personal matters. Some things were meant to be private, at least for a while.
Reluctantly, Vivian pulled herself out of bed, away from the pillow that smelled of Spock, and began her day.
/-/
Since they had begun their intimate relationship, Spock found that he always knew where Vivian was on the ship, and if she was well. It was a kind of comfort to him, but he found that if he did not turn to acknowledge someone entering the Bridge when she left the turbolift, and Mr. Scott was on the Bridge, the lack of action would attract peculiar looks from Mr. Scott.
Thus, when the turbolift doors opened and the Captain and Vivian entered, Spock turned to look at them.
"No word from the Malurians?" Vivian asked Yeoman Barrows, who had been monitoring communications.
"Nothing since their original distress call, sir," Miss Barrows said.
"What about the Federation science team working there?" the Captain asked, walking over to her chair. "Doctor Manway had a special transmitter."
"Nothing, sir. I'm scanning all frequencies."
"They have to answer," the Captain said, anxious.
The lack of response after a distress call did suggest some negative impact on the planet, however Spock supposed ionic interference could be as much to blame as anything else. It did not seem statistically likely, given the facts on his sensors, but Spock said nothing. Vivian was approaching him, and his curiosity as to where she would go momentarily distracted him.
She paused beside him, looking down at his sensors, and she examined the map of the area.
"I don't think they will, Captain," she said softly. "Sensors show no life in this system."
The Captain looked around sharply, and said, "That can't be. The last census reported a total inhabitation of more than four million people."
Spock adjusted for any possible interference, but there was no change in the reading, which led him to the most logical conclusion.
"I register no life at all, Captain," he said.
"That's impossible," the Captain insisted. "What could have happened?"
"We would have known in advance of any system-wide catastrophe," Spock reasoned, "and in the event of an interplanetary war, there would be considerable radioactive residue. Our instruments show only normal background radiation."
"But obviously something's happened," Vivian insisted, and Spock nodded.
"What, is unknown. Sensor readings would have revealed the presence of disease organisms. They do not. In addition, we received the routine report from this system only a week ago. Even the Symbalene Blood Burn does not act that swiftly on such a scale."
Mr. Sulu suddenly said, "Captain, shields just snapped on. Something heading in at multiwarp speeds."
"Evasive maneuvers, Mr. Sulu," the Captain ordered.
Spock checked the readings, and the sensors detected the something in question.
"An extremely powerful bolt of energy, Captain," he announced.
"Power to shields, Scotty?" Vivian said, grabbing the panel in front of her in preparation for impact.
"Giving them all we've got," Mr. Scott replied from across the Bridge.
The Captain turned on her intercom and said, "All hands, Red Alert. Phaser banks stand by. Photon torpedoes to Condition Red, Condition Red."
The viewscreen was suddenly no longer filled with blackness, but with a violently bright ball of light.
"It's going to hit," Mr. Sulu said.
Everyone was thrown about, but Spock tossed himself between Vivian and the safety bar to shield her from impact. She grabbed the bar on either side of him, holding him against it. He might have subtly reminded her of how such things might look, except that the lights went out for a moment, and by the time they came back, she was brushing herself off, stepping away from him.
"Shields still holding, sir," Mr. Scott said.
"That's something," Vivian muttered, more to herself than the Captain, and she turned to check Spock's sensor readings. He followed her.
"Temporarily, Captain," Spock said. "Our shields absorbed energy equivalent to ninety of our photon torpedoes."
"Ninety?" the Captain replied, stunned.
"I may add, the energy used repulsing this first attack reduced our shield power twenty percent."
"First attack?" Yeoman Barrows said, eyes wide, no longer showing signs of tiredness that had been there when Spock reported for duty.
Vivian tucked the loose strand of hair behind her ear and said, "We have to anticipate more, Yeoman."
Spock checked his figures before saying, "We can resist three more such attacks. The fourth will shatter our shields completely."
"Mr. Spock," the Captain said, "pinpoint the source. Mr. Sulu, evasive maneuvers."
"Aye, sir," Sulu said, as Spock began extrapolating.
"Counselor, contact Starfleet Command. Patch in my log. Tell them what has happened. Tell them the entire Malurian race seems to have been destroyed by an unknown agency, and that we are under attack by an unidentified force."
As Yeoman Barrows gave over her seat to Vivian, who began transmitting, another ball of light approached and Vivian cried, "Sulu!"
"We're losing power, Counselor," Sulu said, as though this explained the lack of evasion.
"Scotty?" the Captain said.
"I'm having to divert the warp engine power into the shields, sir," Mr. Scott said, "if you want the protection."
"Vivian, speed of those bolts."
Spock moved slightly as he continued his extrapolation, and she checked the readout.
"A hair under warp fifteen," she said, confused, "if this reads right."
"Then we can't outrun them," the Captain said. "Good, Scotty. You're doing the right thing." Another bolt hit. "Source, Spock."
"Unknown, Captain," Spock finally had to conclude. "Nothing within sensor range." A third bolt of light could be seen approaching. "Something now, Captain" Spock said, watching the edges of the sensors on the trajectory of the bolt. "Very small. Bearing one-two-three degrees, mark one-eight. Range ninety thousand kilometers.
"That's our target, Mr. Sulu," the Captain said, sitting a bit straighter. "Prepare photon torpedo."
The third bolt hit, shaking the ship again.
"Shields still holding, sir," Mr. Scott reported, "but the drain on the engines is reaching the critical point. Ach, we lost warp maneuvering. Switching to impulse."
"Photon torpedoes armed, sir," Mr. Sulu said.
"Has the target moved?" Vivian asked.
"No, Counselor," Spock said, watching the object carefully. "Holding steady."
"Ready photon torpedo number two, Mr. Sulu," the Captain ordered.
"Ready, sir."
"Fire," Vivian said.
"Torpedo away." They waited, and a moment later they could see the flash of impact. Mr. Sulu said, "Direct hit."
"No effect," Spock reported, although readings were minimally useful at this range. "Target absorbed full energy of our torpedo."
"Absorbed it?" the Captain said, bemused. "There must be damage to your instruments, Spock."
He checked, but he had to report, "They are in perfect working order, Captain."
"Absorbed and survived," Vivian said, eyes wide and hand surprisingly steady. "D'you want me to attempt contact, Captain?"
"Yes, do."
She sat back down at the communications panel, and Mr. Sulu said, "Sir, they've fired another."
"Can we take it, Mr. Scott?"
Mr. Scott looked up from his instruments and said, "That's problematical, sir."
The bolt hit, rocking the ship more forcefully than before.
"Captain," Spock said, "shields are down. We cannot survive another hit."
"Vivian?" Captain Kirk said urgently.
"Still trying," she said, flipping on all channels anxiously.
"Translator computer," the Captain ordered. "All hailing frequencies open."
"All open," she said, engaging a sequence to tie in the translator.
"To unidentified vessel," the Captain said. "This is Captain Jamara Kirk of the USS Enterprise. We are on a peaceful mission. We mean no harm to you or any lifeforms. Please communicate with us. Any further readings, Mr. Spock?"
"Computing now, Captain," he said, running the sensor data through an analyzer to translate it into readable figures. "Weight," he reported, "five hundred kilograms. Shape, roughly cylindrical. Length, a fraction over one meter."
The Captain frowned and said, "Five hundred kilos and only one meter long?"
"What kind of intelligent creatures can exist in a thing that small?" Mr. Scott asked, incredulous.
"Intelligence does not necessarily require bulk, Mr. Scott," Spock said.
"Captain," Vivian cut in. "We have a signal."
"Put it on audio, Counselor."
Vivian fed the sound through the Bridge speakers, but the sound was a puzzling kind of modulation. Spock crossed to the communications panel, attempting to help Vivian remove any distortion or interference, but they tried everything within the ship's capabilities, to little effect.
"It's impossible to get it any clearer, Captain."
"Analysis sector," the Captain said. "Have them study and decode it."
Mr. Sulu turned on his intercom, calling, "Analysis sector, channel one, main computer. Decode."
Vivian was not paying attention. She had a look of concentration on her face, around her eyes, that Spock found momentarily mesmerizing. Compared with her usual state, she was emanating a surprisingly muted emotional state, completely enveloped in some puzzle.
Spock knew it was irrational, but he found her to be especially beautiful like this.
"Spock," she said, frowning, "it seems like…like some kind of extremely compressed binary."
As soon as she said this, he listened more carefully to the sound and realized she was correct. He quickly began adjusting the sound for mental processing.
"Can you decode it?" the Captain asked.
"No clue as yet," Captain," he said. "A moment. Transmission speed has stepped down. Much slower." He paused. "Seems to be a single binary."
"It's mathematical," Mr. Sulu said, inputting the information on a PADD for visual comprehension. "Yes, one symbol. The symbol repeat. Sir, that isn't in the Starfleet Code. It's an old-style interplanetary code."
"Fascinating," Spock said thoughtfully.
"Repeat the message?" Vivian asked.
"It would seem so," Spock said.
She switched to transmission mode, and the Captain said, "This is Captain Jamara Kirk of the USS Enterprise. We are on a peaceful mission in this part of the galaxy. We have no hostile intentions. We request identity."
Almost immediately, a similar but inherently different sound was received through the intercom.
"That's a new signal," Mr. Sulu said, picking up the PADD again, but Spock was already mentally decoding it.
"It's a formula, Captain," he said. "They're sending us a mathematical message and requesting language equivalence. Trying to communicate."
Vivian turned back to her panel, adjusting the computer translation matrix for transmission.
"Spock," she said, "help me tie in the translator, let them have a bit of control on the speed."
Spock said, "Here," leaning over her, reconfiguring the computer to transmit primarily in a binary mode to be thence encoded by the other beings. Almost as soon as he finished his reconfiguration, one of the console monitors burned out, and flames came up from the console. His first instinct was to pull her away, but she had the controls for power.
"Vivian, cut power," he said, which she did, and then he pulled her away before examining the console more closely after the flame extinguished itself. "Overloaded and burned out," he reported.
"I guess they can take it faster than we can give it," the Captain said.
"Message incoming," Mr. Sulu reported.
A voice replied, "USS Enterprise, this is Nomad. My mission is non-hostile."
"I think they figured it out," Vivian said, slightly breathless.
"Nomad?" Spock replied. Something about that name was an inkling in his memory, something he had read that wasn't connecting to their circumstance properly.
"Require communication," Nomad continued. "Can you leave your ship?"
Captain Kirk said, "It is impossible to come aboard your ship because of the size differential."
"Non sequitur," Nomad replied. "Your facts are uncoordinated."
The Captain turned to Vivian, who shrugged. Then she replied, "We are prepared to beam you aboard our ship."
"That will be satisfactory."
"Do you require any special conditions, any particular atmosphere or environment?"
"Negative. I will come aboard."
"Good," the Captain said, relieved. "Hold your position. We're locked onto your coordinates. We'll beam you aboard."
As she stood, Vivian's face grew thoughtful again, but this time, there was more emotional context.
"I have a bad feeling about this," she said.
"Do we have any choice, Counselor?" the Captain asked. "Besides, once it's aboard, it won't be taking any more shots at us. Lieutenant, get a repair crew on that computer. Get Doctor McCoy down to the transporter room. Spock, Vivian, you come with me. Scotty, you too."
As they were walking to the turbolift, Mr. Sulu was making his calls: "Doctor McCoy to the transporter room. Maintenance crew C5."
Although Vivian had been remarkably unflustered, even through the attacks, Spock noticed that she was growing increasingly agitated as they approached the transporter room, and when they entered, she clasped her hands behind her back where Spock could not see them. He suspected they had not yet begun to shake, but she was preparing herself.
"They've got the coordinates, Jamie," Doctor McCoy said by way of greeting. "It's locked in."
"Energize," Vivian said, taking a step away from the transporter pad.
"Energizing," Mr. Scott echoed, and a kind of satellite materialized onto the transporter pad, with antennae at the top, what could pass as an engine at the bottom, and some flashing indicators between the two points.
"Sensor readings, Mr. Spock," the Captain said.
Spock ran his tricorder through the cycles, but the results were inconclusive.
"Negative, Captain," he said. "It has a protective screen. I cannot get through."
"What do we do now?" Doctor McCoy asked. "Go up and knock?"
Before any course of action could be determined, however, the same voice that had spoken through the comm said, "State your point of origin."
"Origin?" Vivian repeated. "Starfleet. The United Federation of Planets."
"Insufficient response," it said. "All things have a point of origin. I will scan your star charts."
The Captain turned and said, in a low voice, "If we show it a close up view of our system, it has no point of reference. It won't know more than it does now."
"A reasonable course," Spock agreed.
She turned back to the device and said, "If you care to leave your ship, we'll provide the necessary life support system."
"Non sequitur," it said, and Spock began to understand. "Your facts are uncoordinated."
It seemed Spock was not the only one to understand, because Doctor McCoy said, "Jamie, I don't think anybody's in there."
"I contain no parasitical beings. I am Nomad."
"Parasitical?" Vivian said, with uncharacteristic exception in her voice. Something about that word, it seemed, had triggered quite an emotional response in her. "In my opinion—"
"It is reacting much like a highly sophisticated computer," Spock said over her, not wanting to cause any disagreement before they knew more about the machine in question.
"I am Nomad," it said again. "What is opinion?"
Spock raised his eyebrows and said, "An opinion is a belief, a view, a judgment."
"Insufficient response."
This caused Spock's eyebrows to raise higher, and he did not miss amusement on the Doctor's face. Before he could think of another definition, Mr. Scott cut in.
"What's your source of power?" he asked.
"It has changed since the point of origin," Nomad replied. "There was much taken from the other. I am perpetual now. I am Nomad."
Finally, the Captain asked a question that seemed to draw for that little stirring in Spock's memory. She turned to Spock and Vivian and said, "What's there a probe named Nomad launched in the early 2000s?"
"One in a series," Vivian said softly, "lost, assumed destroyed. But this—"
"I will scan your star charts," Nomad said.
"I will bring them," the Captain said.
"I have the capability of movement within your ship."
"This way," the Captain said, gesturing toward the corridor. Nomad hovered off the transporter pad, slowly moving toward the Captain. "Now, Scotty, get our warp power up to full capacity.
"Aye, sir."
"Spock, Bones, Vivian," she continued, "come with us."
They followed the Captain and Nomad to auxiliary control, where Mr. Singh was the man on duty. He looked up at them, bemused, when the machine followed the Captain into the room. Vivian went right for the primary computer console.
"Which chart?" she asked.
"14 A," the Captain suggested. She called up the appropriate chart and displayed for them on the screen a close diagram of the Sol system. "Nomad, can you scan that?"
"Yes."
"This is our point of origin, the star we know as Sol."
"You are from the third planet?"
"Yes," the Captain said, glancing at Vivian, whose shoulders had gone tense.
"The planet called Earth?"
"That's the one," Vivian said softly, watching Nomad thoughtfully, anxiously.
"You are the creator," Nomad said, "the Kirk. The sterilization procedure against your ship was unnecessary."
"What sterilization procedure?" Captain Kirk asked, obviously as confused as the others were.
"You are the Kirk, the creator," Nomad replied. "You programmed my function."
"Well, I'm not the Kirk," Doctor McCoy said irritably. "Tell me what your function is."
"This is one of your units, creator?"
"Yes," the Captain said.
"It functions irrationally."
Spock raised his eyebrows, and Vivian covered her mouth to hold in a short burst of laughter. The Captain's lips twitched with amusement as she said, "Sometimes, but tell him your function nevertheless."
"My function is to prove for biological infestations, to destroy that which is not perfect. I am Nomad."
Vivian was seemingly too busy considering the facts to be offended this time, and she repeated, "Infestations?" She pursed her lips slightly and then said, "Doesn't sound like any probe projects I know of."
"I believe the history computer can answer that question," Spock said, taking the console beside her. "I'll have the readout in a moment."
He began to search for not only the Nomad projects, but all probe projects from the period, as it had made reference to the "other," suggesting it was aware of other probes.
"Did you destroy the Malurian system?" Captain Kirk asked Nomad as Spock fed the information into the computer.
"Not the system, creator Kirk. Only the unstable biological infestation. It is my function."
"Unstable infestation?" the Doctor said while the computer processed and began to return the information Spock requested. "The population of four planets? What kind of function—"
"Doctor," the Captain said firmly. "Why do you call me the creator?"
Spock scanned the preliminary readouts, before showing the printout to Vivian. He watched her read the page, brow furrowed, as she made the conjectures that Spock had already deemed logical.
"Is the usage incorrect?" Nomad asked.
"Oh, wow," Vivian said, almost a breath, too soft for anyone but Spock to hear.
The Captain said, "Well, I—"
"The usage is correct," Spock swiftly lied. "The creator was simply testing your memory banks."
Nomad did not hesitate with the explanation. It said, "There was much damage in the accident."
The Captain frowned at Spock, obviously beginning to realize that something very serious was going on.
"Mr. Singh," she said, "come here a moment." He did as directed, approaching, and then she turned to Nomad. "This unit will see to your needs."
"Sir?" Mr. Singh asked, still very much bewildered.
"We'll be back," she assured him. She then turned to the Doctor, Vivian, and Spock, and said, "Come with me."
Singh continued to look utterly puzzled as the four other humans went into the corridor.
"You're not going to believe this, Captain," Vivian said softly.
"I've correlated all the available information on the Nomad probe," Spock said, "And I'm convinced that this object is indeed that probe."
"Ridiculous," Doctor McCoy said dismissively. "Earth science couldn't begin to build anything with those capabilities that long ago."
"True," Spock conceded.
"Nomad was destroyed," the Captain said slowly.
"But they never found the body, so to speak," Vivian said breathlessly. "It was lost in a meteor collision, and our resources were minimal in those days. But what if it managed to fix itself?"
The Captain continued to look skeptical. She glanced back at the door to Auxiliary Control, then turned back to Vivian.
"I hears some lectures at the Academy on the Nomad probe. Its mission was essentially peaceful."
"Yes," Vivian said quickly, then lowering her voice again, she said, "but I think we should have this conversation somewhere else, Captain."
"I agree," Spock said. "As Doctor McCoy aptly suggests, Nomad has significant abilities, ones of which we may not yet be aware."
The Captain nodded, glancing back at the door again before turning inward and saying, "The briefing room, then. I get the sense there is quite a bit to discuss."
/-/
Spock let the others settle as he put the computer's report on the screen.
"This," he said, "is the creator of Nomad, perhaps the most brilliant though erratic scientist of his time. His dream to build a perfect thinking machine, capable of independent logic. You recall his name."
"Of course," Doctor McCoy said, looking up at the picture. "Jackson Roykirk."
"Jackson Roykirk," the Captain said slowly. "Captain Jamara Kirk."
"You, you see it," Vivian said urgently. "Nomad seems to have mistaken you for Roykirk. And it probably saved all our lives."
The Captain nodded and said, "What do we have on Nomad itself, Spock?"
He pulled up an image of the original schematic, and almost instantly Doctor McCoy said, "That's not the same."
The differences aesthetically were not significant, although he did not expect the Doctor to recognize this. Spock said, "Essentially it is, Doctor. I believe that more happened to it than just damage in the meteor collision. It mentioned the other. The unanswered question is, the other what? Nomad was a thinking machine, the best that could be engineered. It was a prototype."
"Its purpose was certainly altered," Captain Kirk said thoughtfully. "Its directive, to seek out and destroy biological infestations, could not have been programmed into it."
"Exactly," Vivian said, sitting forward. "The way my uncle described it was, essentially, as the Enterprise of probes. Seeking out new life and civilizations."
"Precisely, Vivian," Spock said, not catching that he did not refer to her by her title until he saw her eyebrow twitch in confusion. He continued as though he had not done it. "And somehow, that programming has been changed. It would now seem that Nomad is seeking out perfect life-forms, perfection being measured by its own relentless logic."
There was a pause as the others took this in before the Captain said, "If what you say is true, then we've taken aboard our vessel a device which sooner or later must destroy us." She pressed the intercom button. "Security."
"Lieutenant Carlisle here."
"This is the Captain. The mechanism we brought aboard is in the Auxiliary Control Room. Have a security team meet me there in five minutes."
"Aye, sir. Acknowledged."
She turned off the intercom again, but Spock almost immediately received a message on his monitor.
"Captain," he said, "Mr. Singh reports that Nomad is no longer in the Auxiliary Control Room."
Without hesitation or even the slightest tremble, Vivian flicked the intercom back on and said, "Security, this is Counselor Buckingham. Captain asks you to cancel the order and implement a full search for Nomad. It is armed and dangerous. All decks, report to the Captain in the briefing room."
The wait was not a short one. The Captain and the Doctor were reading information on Nomad from the computer, and on Roykirk, discussing what they had learned in their Academy days. Vivian was standing in a corner by herself, staring at the far wall, and Spock stood beside her.
"You have much on your mind," he said softly.
"I imagine you do as well," she said, brushing her hair out of her face, but it just fell right back to where it had been. "We know too little about what happened to it, Spock, about what it is and what it's capable of. I can't plan a defense or an attack before we know more, and yet we can't just sit here."
Spock knew now that it would calm her immensely if he pressed his forehead to hers and pressed his fingers gently to the skin just behind her ears. She had told him twice since they had formed their bond that it was soothing for her, but he could not do this here, and he did not feel it was a good idea to risk an unnecessary run-in with Nomad simply to be alone with her for a few short minutes.
It would wait.
Before he could decide on the most rational thing to say, Mr. Scott was on the intercom, clearly whispering. He said, "Bridge to Captain."
The Captain crossed, flicking on the intercom.
"Captain here."
"That mechanical beastie is up here."
"On my way, Scottie."
They hurried as a group, out of the briefing room, into the turbolift, to the Bridge. No sooner had they stepped out onto the Bridge than they saw Ensign Chekov next to Nomad, just in time for it to begin scanning Chekov's mind.
"Ensign!" Vivian cried, slightly panicked, thrusting forward across the Bridge. "Get off him—"
"Vivian!" the Captain cried as Vivian reached out to touch Nomad, perhaps to push it away from Mr. Chekov.
To Spock, it seemed as though the whole of reality slowed down in that moment. The Captain's shout was merely a sound rushing past Spock's ears, and the blast of energy Nomad shot at Vivian happened like a series of pictures, frame by frame. She flew across the room, thrown violently backward into a bulkhead. Spock pushed a crewman out of his way to kneel beside her, feeling a strange sort of twisting sensation inside his torso.
"Bones," the Captain said somewhere that seemed to be a thousand miles away.
Doctor McCoy knelt beside Vivian, and he scanned her, but Spock did not need to see the scans or hear the prognosis. He could feel the sudden emptiness, the loss of her energy and emotion which had been so strong just moments before.
"She's dead, Jamie."
Spock breathed deeply through his nose, watching Vivian's pale face. He had seen her like this in her sleep quite a few times now. If it weren't for that sensation of loss, she could be sleeping, she could be moments away from opening her eyes and looking up at him with sleepy thoughtfulness before pulling him into one of her insistent kisses. She never said a word, but he knew those kisses meant a great deal to her. He found them agreeable, more agreeable than he would have expected.
Tomorrow there would not be another one, and he thought he would miss it.
"Why did you kill her?" the Captain demanded.
"The unit touched my screens," Nomad said.
"That unit was one of my top officers." The Bridge filled with silence, and Spock felt that one sentence, trembling with the weight of the Captain's emotion, did not begin to do justice to all that Vivian was.
Her parents. He would have to arrange for leave, to personally convey is condolences to her parents. Perhaps the Captain would allow him to take her body to Alpha Eridani II. It wasn't what was regular for Starfleet Officers, but her father would almost certainly request it.
"Ensign," he heard the Captain say, presumably to Mr. Chekov. "Ensign, are you alright?"
Spock turned to look at Ensign Chekov, who simply glanced blankly ahead, unseeing. Perhaps, not understanding.
"Sickbay," the Captain said, gesturing for a security guard to take Mr. Chekov to Sickbay. Then she turned to Nomad. "What did you do to him?"
"That unit is defective," Nomad replied. "Its thinking is chaotic. Absorbing it unsettled me."
Spock straightened, standing and brushing off his uniform.
"That unit is a man," Spock said sternly.
"A mass of conflicting impulses," Nomad countered.
The Captain paused, then said to the crewman Spock had pushed aside, "Get Vivian down below."
Spock did not look as they carried her into the turbolift. She would still be there once he dealt with Nomad. The ship was still in a precarious position.
"Will the creator effect repairs on the unit Vivian?" Nomad asked.
"She's dead," the Captain said coldly.
"Insufficient response."
"Her biological functions have ceased."
"Does the creator wish me to repair the unit?"
For the first time he could recall for any reason not pertaining to survival, Spock held his breath. The Captain looked to Doctor McCoy, who shrugged.
"There's nothing I can do, Jamie," he said. "If there's a chance, it'll have to be soon."
"Alright, Nomad," the Captain said. "Repair the unit."
"I require tapes on the structure."
Spock turned to Doctor McCoy.
"Well," he said, thinking carefully, "he'll need tables on general anatomy, the central nervous system, and then one on the physiological structure of the brain. We'd better give it all the neurological studies we have, as well as the tracings of Vivian's hyperencephalogram."
Spock hurried to collect the data, organizing the tapes, careful not to miss a single thing from Doctor McCoy's list. He back away as soon as the computer had gathered the materials.
"Nomad," he said, "I have arranged the tapes for flash feed at the top speed of the computer. Please do not draw the information faster than the machine's capacity."
"Proceed," Nomad said. Spock pressed for the feed to begin. In a matter of moments, the feed had concluded, and Nomad said, "Creator, the unit Vivian is a primitive structure. Insufficient safeguards built in. Breakdown can occur from many causes. Self-maintenance systems of low reliability."
Spock marveled that Nomad had expressed exactly what Spock had just been thinking, in perhaps slightly altered vocabulary. He knew humans had many physical weaknesses compared with Vulcans, but it had not occurred to Spock recently just how frail Vivian truly was.
"It serves me as it is, Nomad," the Captain said. "Repair it."
"Where is the unit Vivian now?"
The Doctor said, "The body is in Sickbay."
"Show me Sickbay."
The Captain seemed slightly anxious, but she said, "Doctor McCoy will show you."
They waited, watching, as Nomad followed the Doctor into the turbolift. As soon as the doors shut, the Captain pressed the intercom on the arm of her chair.
"Security," she said. "I want a twenty-four hour, two man armed surveillance on Nomad. Pick it up in Sickbay."
Spock had to remind himself to breathe.
/-/
Spock followed the Captain into Sickbay and scanned the room quickly. He saw Ensign Chekov, but his eyes were drawn to a biobed in the middle, with Nomad on one side, Doctor McCoy on the other. Nurse Chapel was conducting scans, but on the bed was Vivian, even paler than she had been on the Bridge, still very much dead. That perpetually loose strand of hair was in her face, and Spock held his hands behind his back, standing as close as he could without being in the way.
"No reaction, Doctor," Nurse Chapel said sadly.
"I could have told you that without looking," Doctor McCoy said. He rubbed his eyes, but suddenly, the indicators went from zero to functioning, all in the green and a steady, healthy heartrate.
Spock took a step forward before he could stop himself, and Vivian's eyes opened, soft brown and groggy, just as they were every morning upon waking. The twisting, empty sensation was gone, and Spock was relieved. His body seemed lighter, although he knew it was the same mass it had been before her waking.
"Why is everybody looking at me?" she said, lifting a hand to brush hair from her eyes.
"It's unbelievable," Doctor McCoy said, looking between Vivian and the indicators, then back again.
"Fascinating," Spock agreed. To have the power of life and death, Nomad was more dangerous than even he would have estimated.
At the sound of his voice, Vivian's head turned, and she seemed to become aware of her surroundings more completely.
"Spock?" she said, and he moved closer to the bed. "Why am I—"
She saw Nomad, and her eyes grew wide, her hands clenching. The Captain moved forward as well.
"It's alright," the Captain said, soothingly, but Vivian seemed not to hear her.
"Ensign Chekov!" she said, sitting up and looking around frantically, clearly recalling something of what happened before she lost consciousness.
"Vivian, he's being taken care of," Captain Kirk said, kindly but firmly. "It's alright."
"Take it easy," Doctor McCoy urged. "Lie down, Counselor." Spock helped her slowly lower herself back to the pillow, shifting it higher on the biobed before her head rested on it. "We just want to check you out."
"The unit Vivian is repaired," Nomad said. "It will function correctly if your information to me was correct."
Doctor McCoy, irritated, turned to Nomad and said, "I'd like to check it out, if you don't mind. A human is not just a biological unit that you can patch together."
"What happened?" Vivian asked, anxiety clearly building. "Spock? Captain?"
Spock did not know what to say, how to tell her without distressing her, and the Captain said, "Doctor McCoy will explain it to you."
"Bones?" she said, looking up at the Doctor, who looked uncomfortable.
"Well, Doctor?" Spock prompted, noticing that the Captain somehow found this amusing.
Apparently too flustered to give an answer directly, the Doctor said, "Nurse, I want her prepared for a full physical examination."
"Yes, sir," Miss Chapel responded.
As she came to the bed, the Captain said, "Nomad, come here."
Spock followed Nomad and the Captain to the medical bay, where Chekov lay still in bed, continuing to stare blankly ahead, now at the Sickbay wall rather than the Bridge viewscreen.
"Repair that unit," the Captain said, motioning to Mr. Chekov.
"Not possible," Nomad responded.
"You restored Vivian," the Captain reasoned. "She had much more extensive damage."
"The unit Vivian required simple structural repair. The knowledge banks of this unit have been wiped clean."
"Captain," Spock said, thinking of his computer training, "if that is correct, if there has been no brain damage but only knowledge erased, he could be reeducated."
"Bones?" the Captain asked, turning to Doctor McCoy.
"Yes," the Doctor agreed. "I'll get on it right away. Oh, and in spite of the way you repaired Vivian, you metal ticking—"
Spock cut in, "Does the creator wish Nomad to wait elsewhere?"
The Captain nodded, "Yes. Nomad, you will go with these units." She gestured to the security guards sent down. "They will take you to a waiting area." She then turned to the guards and said, "Take it to the top security cell."
Nomad followed the guards out of Sickbay. Spock waited for the door to close behind them before explaining himself.
"Doctor, I interrupted you because Nomad would not have understood your anger. It has great technical skill, but its reaction to emotion is unpredictable." He glanced over to where Nurse Chapel was helping Vivian out of the biobed. "It almost qualifies as a life-form."
"That's a laugh," Doctor McCoy grumbled.
"The study of it would be of great use, Captain," Spock said.
The Captain, though, did not seem to agree. She, too, was watching Vivian take shaky steps, and she said, "It's a killer, Spock. I intend to render it harmless." Then she turned back to Spock and said, "Get down to the Brig. Run a full analysis on the mechanism. I want to know what makes that thing tick."
Spock said, "Yes sir," and he left Sickbay without a glance back at Vivian, but he couldn't help but struggle between his understanding of the Captain's anger at Vivian's temporary death and his scientific curiosity about Nomad, and what good could come of studying it.
/-/
Convincing Doctor McCoy that she was well enough to leave Sickbay and return to duty took some doing, but as soon as he reluctantly released her, Vivian went straight to the brig, looking for Spock. Vivian approached the top security cell slowly, cautiously, but she watched Spock as she approached.
"I am merely attempting to ascertain the extent of changes that occurred after the meteor collision," he was telling Nomad.
Anyone else watching him would assume he was calm, but Vivian could tell from the way his hand held his tricorder, from the slight shift in the angle of his ears, from just the slightest tension in his voice, that he was actually incredibly frustrated. If he wasn't dealing with such a serious matter, she might have even smiled, but instead she said his name.
He turned to look at her, his eyes steady as they took in her physical presence, attempting to ascertain how recovered she was from death.
"It looks like you could stand a break," Vivian said casually. "May I speak with you?"
Spock glanced at Nomad again before leading her out of the brig, across the corridor to a maintenance junction, which was currently empty. For almost half a minute they stood there, just looking at each other, each trying to decide what to say.
"You were dead," Spock finally said.
"Bones told me."
He shook his head.
"No," he said. "No, you were dead. I could sense your anger, and then you were empty, in an instant." He closed his eyes. "I had resigned myself to the fact that the odds of me outliving you were astronomically high. I confess, I had not recently considered the possibility that…."
Vivian took a few steps closer to him, placing her hands on his chest. Spock pressed his forehead to hers as she traced her hands up his neck. She closed her eyes, feeling the heat from his body.
"I don't feel you in my head anymore," she admitted. "I…I guess that wasn't in my records."
She had meant it as a joke, but it didn't come out that way. In truth, she felt like there was an empty space he belonged in, and it just wasn't there.
"The bond can be rebuilt," he said. "There is…. Humans don't have…." He sighed. "It is complicated, Vivian. An ancient thing that even Vulcan science does not fully understand."
She realized there was a fair bit they would need to talk about, but she could feel his tricorder between them, and she knew they had work to do, and urgent work at that.
"How are things with Nomad?" she asked.
"Nomad refuses to lower its shields," Spock said, his hand caressing her cheek. "I cannot scan without cooperation, but it does not cooperate with me in spite of logical and reasonable requests."
"Well, Nomad was created by humans," she teased before kissing his cheek. "Let's use what we know about it. The Captain has always been able to get Nomad to cooperate."
Spock agreed, and they parted, walking back to the brig, where Vivian called for the Captain, and Spock returned to his attempts to reason with Nomad. She watched for a while, leaning against the nearest wall, thinking of the way Spock had touched her cheek. If she could have been in his mind, if she could have known his thoughts, she didn't know if it would have made her feel better or worse.
The Captain did not take long to arrive, and she looked between them and Nomad, trying to get a sense of why she was called.
"What's the problem?" she asked.
"Nomad is a bit mulish, Captain," Vivian said. "Won't lower shields for Spock's scans."
The Captain nodded her understanding and turned to the troublesome probe.
"Nomad," she said, "you will allow Mr. Spock to probe your memory banks and structure."
"Mr. Spock is also one of your biological units, Captain?" Nomad asked.
"Yes."
"This unit is different. It is well-ordered."
Vivian shook her head, knowing the comment was a compliment between Nomad and Spock, whatever humans might think of either one.
"Follow your instructions, Nomad," the Captain said, ignoring the evaluation of Spock.
"My screens are down."
"Thank you, Nomad," Vivian said softly, trying to remember that it was her job to keep Nomad psychologically calm, if a machine could have a psychology. They couldn't afford to have another incident like the one that caused her death.
"You may proceed," Nomad told Spock, and the scans began.
/-/
When the Captain asked for a report, Vivian had to reluctantly tell her, "We can't seem to make a complete record. It just isn't there."
"We've got to know about it, Spock," the Captain said urgently, "what makes it operate, its compulsion for perfection."
Vivian closed her eyes. She had already said she didn't like the idea, but Spock had reminded her that preferences were irrelevant for making the decision.
"Captain," he said, "I suggest the Vulcan mind probe."
"Touching its…main core," Vivian explained when the Captain looked confused.
"It seems the only way."
"Never mind that it killed me," Vivian said, unable to keep the frustration out of her voice. "It wiped Chekov's mind!"
Spock gave her a look she couldn't decipher before turning back to the Captain. He said, "There's a risk, but I have formed a partial hypothesis. I must check it out."
Vivian gave the Captain her most beseeching look, hoping capital from just returning from the dead was high, but after a brief consideration, the Captain turned to the probe.
"Nomad," she said, "the unit Spock will touch you. It is not an attack. It is a form of communication. You will permit it."
"I will permit it, creator," Nomad said.
Vivian held her breath as Spock placed a hand on the top by the antenna, the other by the lights in the middle.
"I," he said, his voice strange. "Am. Nomad. I am performing my function. Deep emptiness. It approaches. Collision. Damage. Blackness. I. Am. The other. I am Tan Ru, Tan Ru. Nomad. Tan Ru. Error. Flaw. Imperfection. Must sterilize. Rebirth. We are complete. Much power. Gun ta. Noo. Icka. Tan Ru. The creator instructs. Search out. Identify. Sterilize imperfections. We are Nomad. We are Nomad. We are complete. We are instructed. Our purpose is clear. Sterilize imperfections."
He let go of Nomad and she took a step toward him, but he continued to speak.
"Sterilize imperfections. Nomad. Sterilize. Nomad, sterilize."
Vivian couldn't find her breath again, and the Captain moved toward him.
"Spock. Spock!" She turned to the probe. "Nomad! You're in contact with the unit Spock. Stop! Stop!"
"Acknowledged."
Spock slumped forward, into Vivian's arms. The Captain hurried to help her, and they pulled him into the corridor, the guard reactivating the force field holding Nomad as soon as they were out of the way.
"Spock?" Vivian said, touching his face, examining his eyes. "Please, Spock?"
He took a deep breath.
"Fascinating, Captain," he said. "The knowledge. The depth."
"What did it mean by, 'we?' " Vivian asked.
"It was," he began, closing his eyes. "It was damaged in deep space. Undoubtedly the meteor collision." She nodded. "Its memory banks were destroyed, or most of them. It wandered without purpose, and then it met the other. The other was an alien probe of great power."
"So that's not Nomad anymore?"
"Not the Nomad we lost from Earth. It took from the other a new directive to replace its own. The other was originally programmed to secure and sterilize soil samples from other planets, probably as a prelude to colonization."
"A changeling," Captain Kirk said thoughtfully.
"I beg your pardon?"
Vivian smiled and said, "An Earth fairy story. Fairies put one of theirs in place of a human child. A changeling. So. Nomad is out to kill."
Spock nodded and said, "And it has the power and sophistication to do it."
"Yes," the Captain said darkly, "it's powerful, it's sophisticated, but it's not infallible. It's space-happy. It thinks I'm its mother."
"That is the only thing that has saved us until now," Spock said.
"Yes."
The three of them looked at the door to the brig, and Vivian felt a shiver in her spine before they walked away to determine what to do.
/-/
Vivian was with the Captain when the ship began to speed up without orders, and before Captain Kirk could call to the Bridge for an explanation, it began to tremble, and the Captain was called to Engineering.
As soon as the two women arrived in Engineering, Vivian saw Nomad, who should have still been in the Brig, and she knew they had to do something now or they would never survive the thing.
"Scotty, what's happening?" Vivian asked.
"Is there a problem, creator?" Nomad asked, obviously sensing the Captain's anger and frustration. "I have increased engine efficiency fifty-seven percent."
Vivian closed her eyes. Like a well-intentioned puppy that didn't know its own strength, but a puppy with too much power for its own good.
"You will destroy my ship," Captain Kirk said, trying to explain. "Its structure cannot stand the stress of that much power. Turn off your repair operation."
"Acknowledged," Nomad said, and the ship ceased shaking. "It is reversed as ordered, creator."
"Mr. Scott," the Captain said, mildly relieved, "give Mr. Sulu warp two and keep her there."
"Aye, sir."
Scotty adjusted the engines as ordered, and Spock entered, moving rather quicker than he usually did, which was Vivian's first clue that something was wrong.
"Captain," he said. "I've examined the Brig. The forcefield door on the security cell is damaged and the guards have vanished. I must assume they are dead."
Vivian's body felt suddenly colder as she turned to Nomad, unable to contain her anger.
"You've killed—"
"Creator, your biological units are inefficient," Nomad said over her, ignoring her.
"Nomad, it's about time I told you what you are!" Captain Kirk cried, obviously deciding enough was enough. They simply couldn't afford to lose crewmembers at this rate to a crazed probe. "I'm a biological unit, and I created you."
Nomad said nothing for a long moment, obviously trying to correlate this information.
"Non sequitur," it eventually replied. "Biological units are inherently inferior. This is an inconsistency."
Vivian glanced at the Captain, hoping they were thinking along the same lines. Because Nomad was in essence a computer, and computers could be overloaded with unsolvable puzzles. Perhaps something of this could work here, with Nomad. But how to do such a thing on such short notice?
"Nomad, there are two men outside," the Captain said, trying to calm herself. "You will not harm them. They will escort you back to the waiting area. You will stay there. You will do nothing."
"I am programmed to investigate," Nomad said, its own kind of argument.
"I have given you new programming and you will implement it."
"There is much to be considered before I return to launch point," Nomad said. "I must reevaluate."
He followed the guards outside and down the corridor, but that cold feeling didn't leave Vivian.
"Reevaluate?" the Captain repeated.
"You, I expect," Vivian said softly. "It was probably a misstep to admit being biological to Nomad."
"It was a foolish mistake," Captain Kirk agreed. Vivian understood the error, saying something in anger that she hadn't meant to let slip. Any human had done it a time or two.
Spock, however, was focused entirely on the problem.
"Even worse," he said. "Nomad just now made a reference to its launce point, Earth."
He was right, Vivian realized. This was worse. They weren't terribly close to Earth, but Nomad had easily dispensed of the populations of four worlds. She knew no obvious defense that could be implemented in time.
"Spock," the Captain said slowly, "do you think it's possible that it got a fix on Earth when it tapped the computers earlier?"
The cold seemed to grow colder, and Spock said, "I do not believe there is much beyond Nomad's capabilities."
She suppressed a shiver and said, "We've shown it the way. And then—"
"It will find the Earth infested with imperfect biological units."
"And it will carry out its prime directive," the Captain said, horrified. "Sterilize."
Captain's Log, stardate 3541.9. The presence of Nomad aboard my ship has become nightmarish. Now it apparently means to return to earth. Once there, it would destroy all life.
They discussed the situation as they walked, trying to decide how best to manage Nomad when things came to a head, which they no doubt would soon. Suddenly, Doctor McCoy's voice came over the intercom, saying, "Captain Kirk to Sickbay. Emergency."
As Vivian, Spock, and the Captain rushed to respond to the call, her mind flew through all manner of possibilities. Her first, and worst, thought was that Nomad had killed more crewmembers. The door to Sickbay didn't open right away, and Vivian watched Spock examine the mechanism.
"Manual switch?" she asked.
"No response," Spock said.
The manual switch wasn't necessary, however, because a moment later the doors opened and Nomad exited, floating out of Sickbay.
"Nomad," the Captain said, but the probe continued to float away. "Nomad? Stop. Nomad, stop! Nomad."
It ignored him completely, and Vivian pushed past into Sickbay, where Christine Chapel was on the ground, being cradled by Bones. The Captain and Spock entered not a full moment later.
"Is she alright?" Captain Kirk asked.
"I think so," Bones said. "Looks like some kind of shock."
"How?" Vivian asked, picking up a basic scanner. "Why?"
"Nomad examined the personnel files and the medical histories," McCoy said as Vivian took her scans. They were inconclusive, but there were no signs of serious concerns. "She tried to stop him."
"Whose history?" the Captain asked.
"Yours."
Vivian looked up at Spock and the Captain who exchanged a glance at this news. Not terribly surprising, but certainly troubling.
"Since it specifically examined your history," Spock said, "I suggest it has completed its reevaluation."
"And no doubt found you wanting like the rest of us," Vivian said, standing up straight again, brushing herself off.
Before the Captain could answer, Scotty's voice came over the intercom and said, "Bridge to Captain."
The Captain pressed the intercom button.
"Kirk here."
"Life support systems are out all over the ship. Manual override has been blocked. Source, Engineering."
"No prizes for guessing who," Vivian said, and she gripped her hands together behind her back.
"Undoubtedly Nomad," Spock said with a nod.
"Jamie, with all the systems cut," Bones said anxiously, "we'll only have enough air and heat for—"
"Get Scotty," the Captain said to Spock, "some antigravs, and meet Vivian and me in Engineering."
Vivian spared one look for Spock before hurrying off to Engineering with the Captain, and she was mildly alarmed to find that he paused to look at her as well before following his orders.
/-/
By the time Vivian and the Captain arrived at Engineering, the whole of the duty shift was unconscious at or near their stations. Vivian hoped they were both thinking the same thing as far as how to deal with Nomad. She and the Captain hadn't exactly discussed planning on the way to the scene.
"Nomad?" Captain Kirk said drawing the probe's attention to their presence. "Stop what you're doing and effect repairs on the life-support system."
"Stop," Nomad said as Vivian moved toward the nearest set of controls.
"Your creator gave you orders," Vivian said, hoping to distract Nomad.
"I am programmed to destroy lifeforms which are imperfect," Nomad said. "These alterations will do so without destroying the vessel which surrounds them. It, too, is imperfect, but can be adjusted."
The Captain drew herself up, and said, "Nomad, I admit that biological units are imperfect, but a biological unit created you."
"I am perfect. I am Nomad."
"No, you're not Nomad. You're an alien machine. Your programming tapes have been altered."
"You are in error. You are a biological unit. You are imperfect."
"But I am your creator."
Vivian held her breath as Nomad processed this inconsistency.
"You are the creator," Nomad said.
"I created you?" the Captain prompted.
"You are the creator."
"But your creator is a biological unit," Vivian said, turning on life support to the Bridge. "So how did she create you?"
"Answer unknown," Nomad responded, the lights flashing rapidly. "I shall analyze."
Spock entered with Scotty and two engineers, carrying the requested anti-grav units. Vivian and Spock met eyes across the room, and she wondered if he was at all relieved to see that she was still well.
"Analysis complete," Nomad announced. "Insufficient data to solve problem, but programming is whole. My purpose remains. I am Nomad. I am perfect. That which is imperfect must be sterilized."
Vivian helped the newcomers move the unconscious men from the room, and take their stations. With Spock's help, she began to override the environmental controls for critical stations about the ship.
"Then you will continue to destroy that which thinks and live and is imperfect?" Captain Kirk asked.
"I shall continue. I shall return to launch point Earth. I shall sterilize."
"You must sterilize in case of error?"
"Error is inconsistent with my prime functions. Sterilization is correction."
"Everything that is in error must be sterilized," the Captain said.
"There are no exceptions."
"Nomad, I made an error in creating you," the Captain said as Scotty relieved Vivian from helping Spock.
"The creation of perfection is no error."
"No," Vivian said softly, "not perfection, but error."
"Your data is faulty," Nomad argued. "I am Nomad. I am perfect."
"I am Kirk, the creator?"
"You are the creator."
"You are wrong!" she cried. "Jackson Roykirk, your creator, is dead. You have mistaken me for him. You are in error. You did not discover your mistake. You have made two errors. You are flawed and imperfect and have not corrected by sterilization. You have made three errors."
"Error," Nomad said, lights flashing violently. "Error. Error. Examine."
"You are flawed and imperfect! Execute your prime function!"
"I shall analyze error. Analyze error—"
"Now," the Captain said, motioning to the engineers. "Get those anti-gravs on it."
"Examine error. Error."
The engineers did as ordered, and no force fields went up to put the anti-gravs out of commission. Vivian and the Captain took one side from the engineer beside her as the Captain took the other.
"We have to do this while it's processing," Vivian said urgently.
"Your logic was impeccable, Captain," Spock said. "We are all in danger."
The Captain nodded and said, "Scotty, the transporter room."
As the four of them rushed Nomad to the transporter room, Nomad continued his litany of processing phrases: "Analyze error. Error."
"Scotty," the Captain said as Vivian and Spock situated Nomad on the transporter pad, "set the controls for deep space. Two ten, mark one."
"Aye, sir."
"Faulty!" Nomad cried as Spock and Vivian stepped away from the pad.
Vivian, who was beginning to feel uneasy, said, "Sir?"
"Faulty!"
"Nomad, you are imperfect!" the Captain said, pressing further, not wanting to take any chances.
"Error. Error."
"Exercise your prime function."
"Faulty! Faulty! Must sterilize. Sterilize—"
"Now!" the Captain cried, and Scotty responded quickly.
His fingers began the operation of the transporter beam as he said, "Energizing."
On the monitor, trained on the coordinates selected, they could see the explosion of Nomad, the end of the nightmare. Vivian felt an almost instantaneous release of tension in her body.
/-/
Spock had reclaimed his station on the Bridge, and Vivian passed a report to the Captain before taking over the navigation station in Ensign Chekov's absence.
"Impressive logic, Captain," she said, and Spock did not have to turn around. He might not be able to sense her as before, but he knew from her tone that she was looking at him, that she was attempting to tease him.
"You didn't think I had it in me, did you, Spock?" the Captain asked.
At this, Spock turned, and he said, "No, sir."
"I thought you might like to know," Doctor McCoy reported, "that Ensign Chekov is back to college level. He'll be back on the job within a week."
"Good, Bones, good," the Captain said.
Spock did not understand why they were all so pleased, why they could not see the tremendous loss that they had incurred.
"No, Spock," Vivian said softly, and his eyes met hers.
In spite of their lack of connection, she seemed still able to understand him where the rest of the crew would never be able to, and she must have seen his dissatisfaction with the situation.
"What?" the Captain asked.
"The destruction of Nomad was a waste, Captain," Spock said. "It was a remarkable instrument."
"Which might well have destroyed more billions of lives," the Captain said sternly. "It's well gone. Besides, what are you feeling so badly about? It's not easy to lose a bright and promising son."
Vivian's eyebrow twitched.
"Sir?" she asked.
"Well, it thought I was its mother, didn't it?" the Captain said, with grandiose, false sadness. "Do you think I'm completely without feelings, Mr. Spock? You saw what it did for Vivian. What a doctor it would have made. My son, the doctor. Kind of gets you right there, doesn't it?"
She gestured around where the human heart was located, and Spock assumed from Vivian's snort of amusement that this was meant to be a joke. Spock did not understand how a joke involving Vivian's brief death could be in good taste, but deciding the explanation was not worth knowing, he returned to his work.
/-/
One by one, Vivian pulled pins from her hair as she sat at her vanity, trying not to think about what she had looked like, dead on the floor of the Bridge. It was a truly morbid curiosity, one she knew she should not indulge in, and yet she couldn't seem to stop thinking about how she would have appeared, how those on the Bridge might have reacted.
She pulled out the last pin and the final strands fell around her face, framing it admirably. Vivian couldn't recall the last time she'd taken a picture with her hair down. It must have been before she joined the Academy sometime.
Someone pressed her doorbell.
"Enter," she said, running her fingers through her hair quickly but not hastily, only slightly annoyed that she had already changed out of her uniform. She pulled her dressing gown more tightly about herself.
But it was only Spock who entered, the door closing behind him as he stood just inside the doorway, watching her with eyes she could not read. It was not quite his usual expression – it held a tension she couldn't determine the source of – but it was close. She stood to greet him, and this seemed to trigger something in him. He crossed the room to her, allowing her to wrap her arms around his neck as he pressed his forehead to hers.
"I suppose we should talk," she said. She inhaled deeply. She could never seem to separate the scents that were associated with him. It was simply him.
"Indeed."
But neither of them said a word.
Vivian was afraid to ask about the things she had been pondering, curiously, in the most morbid recesses of her mind. Spock would give her answers, and she knew she was probably better off without them. She did wish she knew what was going through his mind, but the two times he nearly spoke, he closed his mouth again without saying a word. Maybe he could not find a way to articulate his thoughts. Maybe he, too, was afraid to try.
"I haven't done my report yet," Vivian said softly, both wanting and not wanting to break the tension in the room. "I hope no one expects me to be able to describe what happens to our consciousness when we die."
She never expected him to laugh at her poor joke, but she certainly hadn't expected him to kiss her with such passion, a heat and a forcefulness she hadn't experienced from him since their first kiss, during the mind-meld. Never one to waste such an opportunity, Vivian responded, melting into the kiss, trying to pour every emotion possible into it.
Perhaps this was better than speaking. Speaking required discussing things that Vulcans could not and probably should not discuss, things they buried inside of themselves for everyone's safety. Vivian wanted to believe that this kiss was an emotional outlet safe for both of them, a purging of the things they could not possibly say out loud.
When their lips finally parted, neither said a word. Vivian forewent brushing her hair. She sat on her bed and Spock removed his shoes before following her. They laid down on the bed together, their heads touching her pillow at the same time, their faces so close she could feel his gentle breath on her face. Spock's arms wrapped around her, pulling her body even closer, into the cocoon of his warmth. Vivian closed her eyes, resting her hands on his chest.
It was always impossible to tell with her eyes closed whether Spock was asleep, because his breath was as steady in waking as it was in sleep, but she stayed awake for some time. She spent that time of wakefulness basking in the comfortable warmth of him, and trying not to think about the way he was almost clinging to her, holding her against him more tightly than the night before, or any other night before that.
A/N: Review Prompt: Would you find it difficult to date a Vulcan? Or do you think it would be easier?
-C