Chapter 25 – Leaving You Behind

Sunset

Jack returned to Giverny, he lay among the shrubs down past the river which he had passed earlier on that afternoon. Monet's house was in full view and he smoked a cigarette as he rested against his pack. This wasn't how he envisioned spending his time here. His thoughts were consumed by her in every possible way.

A car could be heard in the distance coming along the dirt track road. He had not seen a motorcar come down these parts in the time he had walked and he sat up immediately leaning his neck upwards to see who it could be. He watched as the car stopped right next to the grassy patch almost in front of him. A figure could be seen inside paying the driver and seconds later they stepped out. It was Rose. He got to his feet and dusted the dirt from his trousers and threw his half smoked cigarette into the river. Quickly he went to her.

She was dressed in her dinner attire, her navy blue dress getting caught in the grass and her heels digging into the mud. He offered his hand to her and helped her over the grassy verge wordlessly. She stood a few feet in front of him both of them lost for words in one way or another.

''How did you find your way?''

Rose pressed her lips together. ''I asked for a car to bring me. Monet's house isn't exactly a place where people ask to go but then I saw you laid here.''

Jack thrust his hands into his pocket. Rose glanced around; she hadn't seen just how beautiful the countryside was until she had taken to moment to stop panicking. For him, he had never seen anything so beautiful. The house and garden were dull in comparison to her beauty. He needed to speak to her, to know what was on her mind. She could feel his eyes on her and didn't know when to start talking.

''You hurt me, Jack.'' She whispered.

Jack glanced to the floor. Her words pierced his heart. ''Rose, they were my friends. I know they were so open and I appreciate that.'' He stepped closer to her but she seemed to flinch. Tears brimmed in her eyes, she knew why she had come here and she focused on that. ''I am not going to see them anymore. I made sure of that.''

Rose nodded. ''I am leaving Cal.'' She spoke through swallowing the lump in her throat. ''I am not leaving for you but for myself.''

Jack sighed. ''Where will you go?''

''I plan to go to London.'' She nodded her head as though she was convincing herself that this was the right thing to do. ''I need to make some arrangements.''

She hadn't the faintest idea of what to do or how to even make such plans but she needed to learn. Jack knew he couldn't change her mind no matter how much he pleaded nor could he offer to go with her knowing full well she wouldn't want him there.

''Well, you'd need to take a steam train from the Gare du Nord and wait for a steamship from Calais to Dover in England. Then you'll take a train to Victoria station in London.''

''How do you know all of this?''

Jack stepped back for a moment; he leant back on his heels as he casually shrugged his shoulders. He avoided her gaze for a few seconds before speaking. ''I had planned for us to go to London together.''

Her stomach sank. Her eyes finding anything to look at and focus on so that the pain wasn't so bad. ''Jack...I...'' She had so much to say but yet she didn't know how to express herself.

''Rose, this was never about me and you. This was about you. I wanted us to leave town for you. I know how much you wanted to see the world and I wanted to be the one who was by your side as you experienced everything which life had to offer.'' He pointed to the red brick house where Monet lived. ''I wanted you to see this. It took my breath away but I know how much you wanted to be here too.''

''Jack, I know. You have...'' She placed her trembling hands over her face and concentrated on breathing.

''I just want you to be free Rose. To be the woman that you want to be.'' He came closer to her. This time she didn't flinch. His eyes were shades lighter than she remembered as tears shone in them.

Her stomach ached from been torn in so many different directions. ''I want that too.'' She managed to speak.

She squeezed her eyes closed. He could hear her heart break into a thousand pieces. He reached to take her right hand in his left he placed it to his mouth and grazed his lips against her knuckles. ''Rose, I know what you need to do.''

She opened her eyes to find he had shed a tear, a single one which streamed down his cheek. ''You were the only thing I have cared about since my parents death. You had given me a reason to have hope and a damn good reason to live. Before I met you I had very little existence and then you came to me, you lit everything up...''

She placed her hand to her lips, stifling another heart breaking sob. His honesty was beautiful, her heart in a million pieces and her head telling her to walk the other way and yet she was still glued to the spot. He had hurt her. She knew that. ''You made my life everything I hoped it would be.'' She whispered. ''You gave me so much strength.''

''Then take the strength and do what you have to do.''

Rose removed her hand from his. It slipped away so easily and yet it killed her so badly. ''I didn't want this to end, Jack. I know that it has to.''

He didn't disagree with her words. He remained silent and allowed her to speak freely and allowed her to do what was best by her. He wasn't keeping her for himself, he was letting her go. He was been the most unselfish he had been in his life. As much as he wanted to never let her go he knew that he had to. He had nothing to offer her after all. Yes, he loved her but he had still managed to find a way to hurt her.

She was sensitive and yet so strong. She had fought against her feelings for him which was something which he couldn't do.

''Cal isn't a bad person. He just isn't the one for me.'' She took a deep breath. ''I never truly allowed my heart to open to him because I fell in love with you.''

Jack stepped back from Rose. ''Perhaps you should give him the chance he deserves to be a good husband. You should forget about me, Rose. I never existed.''

He bent down to grab his portfolio which he had left laid on the floor. He stuffed it into his rucksack not caring what condition it ended up in. He grabbed his rucksack and ragged it onto his back. She watched him intently with bleared vision.

''That is not something I can do, Jack.''

''Nor me.'' He wiped his face. ''But I have to do it for you, Rose. I hurt you and I cannot forgive myself. I do not expect you to ever forgive me either but I have to do the right thing by you somehow. I cannot be selfish. Not with you.''

''What do you suggest?''

Jack shrugged. ''I intervened with your marriage. I have to allow you to give it a chance. You were happier before me.''

Rose wrung her hands; she twisted her engagement and wedding ring. Could she really just go back to Cal? She had come here with plans to leave alone.

''Jack...I...''

''Don't worry Rose. It will be all right.''

Those last five words she clung to as she saw the man she loved walk away from her life. He continued down the trail towards Monet's house and he took her heart with him. How much did she want to call back for him? She turned the opposite way.

It was a long walk back to the hotel.

Her mind was seriously thinking over memories of her and Jack.

She was heavily broken.

Then she set eyes on her husband.

He was stood amongst a crowd of men in the reception area. She couldn't focus on anything else. He caught sight of her coming to him and he broke away from the crowd.

''Good evening, Rose.''

Up close he saw her eyes, the misty redness which they had become.

''Come, darling.'' He led her away from the crowd with a grasp on her arm as though she was a naughty child. She followed him into what was the smoking room. It was large and full of empty chairs.

She saw for the first time concern on his face.

''Cal...'' She began. She placed a hesitant hand on his chest, her wedding bands catching her attention. It was almost a reminder that he was her husband. ''Today, I was going to leave you and go to London.''

''London? Whatever for?'' He touched her hand.

''To get away from Paris.'' She squeezed her eyes closed. ''I know just how difficult I have been since we left home. I know how much you tried.''

Cal had never seen her like this before. ''You are my wife, I married you for love. I want you to be happy.'' He told her and she believed him.

She nodded. ''I know which is why I cannot leave Paris without you.''

She heard her voice say the words aloud and she knew that she didn't mean them but she had to in some way.

''I am glad that you think that.''

He was silent for a moment. He touched her face for a vague second and emotion flashed in his eyes. ''I am sorry for how callous I have been.''

She nodded accepting his apology.

''Perhaps we were both in the wrong.''

'Shall we leave for London tomorrow?''

''Yes.'' She took his arm and allowed him to lead her to dinner.