A/N: OH SNAP it's been like, 9/10 months since my last update and I really doubt that people are still waiting for this to be, y'know, updated. Still I decided to update it for fun, really; I recently watched OotP and it inspired me! XD Basically, RL stuff stopped me coming online for a while and now I'm actually setting up my own business which has me pretty occupied. HOWEVER, I return with a new chapter and some new ideas about which direction this fic is going to go in. My writing style may seem different since I haven't really been writing much during the months since the last chapter. Butyes, if you're still reading this fic, thank you for sticking around. :)

Also, to the random reviewer who asked the following:

- Are Theoli and Isaviel your creations or Rusty Nail's? -

In short, they are both of our creations - Isaviel is mine and Theoli is hers: they're sort of self-insert characters so they're basically us but we created them together and discuss their behaviours together. We just borrow the other to put into fics. XD The fics themselves are written by the respective author though, obvs. Hope that answers your question. ;D

Disclaimer: Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Isaviel Fortesque, Theoli Runkle, Sethoz Anatolia and Deazy Allcock are all self-insert original characters who belong to their respective real life counterparts.

So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts
Chapter Twenty-Five: The Ferocious Forest.

I.

So it was that the two girls and three men found themselves at the very edge of Hogwarts territory at the boundary where it became unsafe (and rather stupid) to wander around without some serious firepower behind you. On the way to their current location the men had tried to talk the girls out of their plan, but when they were asked for an alternative way to get them back to their own time and thus preventing the prophecy from turning the world to shit they had only silence to offer. The plan was ridiculous, yes, and it was insanely dangerous, yes, but the girls knew this, they just didn't have any other choice.

This being an incredibly serious matter didn't stop the girls from having their fun, though, evident in the fact that they were now dressed in black tank-tops and camouflage trousers tucked into heavy duty black lace-up boots, with small camouflage neckerchiefs tied around their necks. They'd smeared dark camouflage paint haphazardly across their faces like they'd seen people in movies do, although clearly the girls did it with flare, drawing smiley faces on their cheeks. To finish their outfit off they had tied crimson bandannas around their foreheads a la Rambo, tying it so that the knot was on the side of their heads, letting the 'tail' of the bandanna trail across their shoulder. Of course, no infiltration would be complete without their binoculars and night-vision goggles. They looked badass, and they knew it.

Unfortunately the rest of their group wasn't on the same wavelength, and Sirius was the first to voice his opinion on the matter as the girls crouched low, assessing the area for cover and the best route to take towards the castle.

"I still don't understand why you put all that crap on your faces."

Theo sighed, "Sirius, you can't expect to infiltrate such a heavily fortified base camp for evil without the appropriate attire." She shot him a look of disappointment, leaving the poor man feeling strangely ashamed of himself although he wasn't entirely sure why he felt that way.

"I'd love to know where you got the camouflage gear from," Remus chuckled, seeming jovial enough despite the enormity of the situation that faced them, perhaps because of the seriousness of the situation that faced them.

Without hesitation, Theo winked and replied, "magic," and then returned to her scouting, leaving Remus still chuckling to himself.

Isa was focused entirely on the task at hand, knowing that this would be the most dangerous thing they had ever done in their lives. That said, she didn't think it would be as hard as the guys (it was very strange calling them that when they were now more than twice the girls' ages) made it out to be, since nobody had actually tried entering the castle for the past 7 years at least. Oh sure, there were rumours of the disappearances of nameless people that nobody seemed to know directly, but never any evidence to support the fact, and Isa just hoped that this meant things may go smoothly for them, y'know, the whole 'element of surprise' thing.

Then Isa moved onto a new train of thought, the guys. While they were easily recognisable as the Sirius, Severus and Remus that the girls knew they seemed like, well, paler versions of their younger selves: all three were very thin and tired looking, as if they hadn't had a decent amount of sleep in far too long - Remus in particular looked much the worse for wear, though Isa had a sneaking suspicion his lycanthropy was the contributing factor to that - and they just had a look of defeat about them. They'd lost that 'sparkle' in their eyes that allowed them to believe that they could rule the world and then some, and seeing that was quite distressing, though in a strange way it spurred Isa on, making her more determined than ever to succeed so that they can prevent this from ever happening.

A nudge from Theo snapped her out of her thoughts. "Here."

Isa looked down at the object in her friend's hand. A hand-held mirror, small enough to fit into a pocket. "Err, I don't think we'll have the time to check our make-up, Theo."

She scoffed. "That's not what this is for, silly. Have you never seen the movies where the badass hero looks behind him or around corners and shit with a mirror? That's what this is for." She took another from her pocket and grinned. "I have a matching one!"

"Good idea," Isa replied, not really surprised at her friend's occasional moments of utter genius. The moments seemed to come and go a lot. "Thanks." She put the mirror in her pocket.

"So," Theo said as she put her own mirror back in her pocket. "Got a plan?"

"Yeah, a few, all of which involve us walking through this forest."

Everybody turned to look in the direction in which Isa was pointing, and their gaze was met by the looming darkness of the Forbidden Forest which had seemingly not only expanded since the girls' time but had grown equally in unpleasantness, which was a feat in itself given the fact that it wasn't exactly akin to a walk in the park to begin with. Isa was almost sure that she heard an audible gulp from them all before they turned back to her.

"...why can't we just take that road over there?" Theo was whimpering, clearly not fond of the plan.

Isa shook her head. "Gargoyles."

"What?"

"There are stone gargoyles along the path at various intervals," she went on, handing the binoculars to Theo so she could look for herself. "Obviously I don't know what exactly they'll do to us, if anything, but given what you guys have told us about the ones who took the castle I'd wager that it's nothing good. At best they'll just alert someone at the castle, at worst-"

"They might shoot their PEWPEWLAZORS at us!"

"...yes, Theo." Isa rolled her eyes, though she was grinning. "So yeah, unless you know anything about those specific gargoyles-"

"With their pewpewlazors," Theo interjected, nodding sagely.

"-then I suggest we go that way."

As unpopular as Isa's plan was, it was obviously the only way they could possibly get to the castle without being seen by someone that they were sure would be on the wrong side. Granted, the beasties in the forest wouldn't exactly be their best friends but they could fight beasties and still avoid being detected, with any disturbances being dismissed as a fight between the various creatures fighting for territory.

Of course, this meant that they would need to use some serious magic to make it through alive. Isa frowned deeply, furrowing her brow as she thought of the weight of the task that lay before them; it was a terrible habit of hers to over think a situation, wanting to explore every avenue and possibility before they had even set off even though with a situation like this it was near on impossible to predict anything that might happen.

Feeling a headache coming on, she pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind as she stepped towards the nearest tree, electing to try and stay sharp so that any nasty surprises wouldn't be so surprising. After stepping beside her Theo took a deep breath, as if steeling her resolve.

Isa glanced at the three men behind them who, whilst looking tired and bedraggled seemed to have regained some of that spark at the prospect of a daring adventure - she could only wonder how long ago their last brave foray into the unknown had been.

"You guys ready?"

There was a murmured response from the group and, reluctantly, they slowly made their way into the woods towards the castle in the far distance.

If the forest was scary before it was pant-wettingly terrifying now, and the most terrifying thing about the forest was the silence; it was so quiet that the smallest sound seemed to be magnified tenfold even if it was just someone stepping on a twig. They walked in silence, wanting to remain as conspicuous as it was possible to be, and honestly, nobody could think of anything remotely unlame to say in such a situation. There was no breeze to rustle the leaves above them, and as they continued further what little light that they had was unable to penetrate as far, plunging the group into a deep, pitch blackness. Luckily they had their wands to light the way but it would probably attract some unwanted attention from anything that may be lurking silently around them.

Isa shivered a little, hating the feeling of being there, wanting to be back where they belonged. They were crazy to think of this, how did they think they'd be able to get into the castle? Did they even know which way they were walking in? They're probably going to be stuck in the forest forever without ever finding a way out. She shook her head, trying to force such thoughts out. At least we're... together... ? Then she suddenly stopped in her tracks and, slowly, she turned to glance around her, but was only met with the sight of tall, looming trees all around her... No company. For a moment Isa was frozen to the spot, staring at the empty darkness in disbelief; she was alone? How? They were here!

"Guys?" She looked around some more, wondering if they were playing a trick on her. "Guys? Theo? ...but, they were here," she whispered to herself, voice wavering. "They were here!"

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and knelt down. Okay, Isa, calm down, this is probably just some hex on the forest. I'm sure everyone is going to try and get out so we can meet up when we do. It'll be fine, she nodded, though she was clearly doing a terrible job of convincing herself. After a moment of thought she steeled herself, coming to the conclusion that she would have to get out of this forest by herself whatever happened, so she might as well keep going.

Somehow knowing that she was totally alone made the forest even more horrifying than it was before. Isa was sure that she could hear noises now, and every few minutes had to stop to glance around, though naturally she couldn't see anything. As much as she tried to tell herself the noises were just a product of her overactive imagination something in her gut told her otherwise: the timing was too weird, she's suddenly alone and now she hears noises, why not earlier when they were just as skittish and terrified? She quickened her walking pace a little, scared, but trying to force the feeling back by focusing on the sounds behind her... which, worryingly enough, seemed to be getting closer and closer every time she heard it. However, whenever she turned to face her stalker she was met with the same old view of the forest, devoid of any life other than her own. Clearly she wasn't going to know what was following her until it pounced, and by then it would be too late to do anything about it.

Isa frowned, watching the darkness intently for some sign of movement or something to give away the position of whatever it was that was following her but after a moment she was forced to give up and, with a frustrated sigh, she turned to begin walking again when she heard a small clink from her pocket. Then she remembered.

The mirror.

Giving thanks to Theo under her breath she reached for the small pocket mirror that her friend had given her at the edge of the forest. "The hero uses this to look behind him, eh?" She grinned, shrewdly, and with one last look over her shoulder began to walk. Sure enough, after a minute or so the noises behind her started again, though worryingly clear this time; she could now tell that mixed into the rustling was the sound of footsteps in the forest floor, so at least the thing had feet? Wow, Isa, that's just great.

With a shaking hand she held the mirror up so that she could see what was following her, hoping to God that it was something she could take on. At first all she could see was a moving shadow, so she strategically moved her wand so that some of the light would shine behind her, and very promptly wished she hadn't for there was a red-eyed monstrosity glowering hungrily at her back. A lion's body, but a human face with the most horrendous mouth that stretched from ear to ear, open in a hideous grin so that its three rows of teeth glinted in the low light from the wand. On its back were huge black wings, and they alone looked strong enough to bat her to one side. Isa recognised it from her textbooks; this was a manticore.

By now she was gripping her wand so tightly that her knuckles had gone white and she suspected that at that moment her face was also pretty devoid of any colour. The creature was still a few yards back from her but all it needed to do was jump and it would be well within reach... at the same time Isa realised that with the manticore's habit of hiding when she turned she would need to wait for it to be in mid-leap before she could launch a counter-offensive. With a deep gulp, she kept walking, keeping one eye on the manticore while trying not to run and provoke it into eating her head off.

Grimacing, she realised that this was probably some sort of test, and they had, in all probability, been separated so each could go through a similar 'task'. She just hoped that the others were safe and were able to deal with whatever they faced, if anything.

A painstakingly long 15 minutes later and Isa was presented with her golden opportunity; the manticore hunched low, ready to leap. She gripped her wand, ready to turn and fire as soon as its feet left the earth. If she missed this chance or mistimed this in any way, she was dead girl.

The next few seconds seemed to last a lifetime. When she saw it shift its weight and begin to push itself off the ground Isa half-turned, thrusting her arm so that her still-lit wand was pointed at her assailant before shouting, "Stupefy!" hoping to God that it would work. Apparently it did, and she didn't know whether the fear and adrenaline influenced this but it worked far better than she expected it to, sending the creature flying back that when it hit the nearest tree she heard the wood crack and splinter, letting out a loud, almost pained groan as it was bent out of shape. Thankfully it didn't fall completely, caught and held up by the trees around it, and the manticore was, for the moment at least, out for the count.

"Time to go," she whispered to herself before breaking into a run. She wasn't sure which direction she should be running in but as long as it was in a relatively straight direction she should come out of the forest at some point. She didn't stop running for anything, navigating over the uneven ground, up hills and around root masses, not even stopping when she stumbled after tripping over her feet. She'd scraped her hand on the bark of the tree she'd used to steady herself but she couldn't stop to rest, so she got back up and started running again.

Suddenly the quietness shattered and noise was all around her; howling, rustling, chattering, scraping. Clearly this would not be the best of times to stop. Isa looked up and saw it getting light ahead and knew she was near the edge, so she pushed herself more than she ever had and just ran with her head down, ducking and shooting hexes every so often at things that tried to swipe at her from overhead.

Nearly there, nearly there, nearly there, nearly-

The light that bathed her when she broke through to the outside was such a relief that once she staggered a few steps she collapsed, chest heaving and breath raspy from her overexertion. "Holy... shit... never... doing that... again..." She laid there for a long time, trying to get her heart to beat at its normal rate again and not like the beat of a dance track, glancing at the forest to make sure nothing was coming after her, not sure if she'd be able to do anything if something did.

She pushed herself up on her elbows and glanced around; they were on school property, at least. Muttering a quick "nox," to turn off the light from her wand, she slowly pushed herself to her feet, albeit slightly unsteadily, and was just brushing the dirt from her knees when something tackled her to the ground.

"OHSHI-"

"ISAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"Wha- Theo?!"

Theo was sobbing so heartily that it was impossible to work out what she was saying so Isa just patted her on the head until she'd calmed down enough to let go. Thankfully nobody seemed to notice their presence on the property just yet so the girls looked for a safe hiding place before they started to talk of their experiences. On Theo's request Isa recounted her story, of suddenly finding herself alone and knowing that she was being followed, even though when she turned there was nothing there. Theo merely listened, uncharacteristically quietly, and only when Isa was finished did she chip in.

"Same thing happened to me," she said, grimly, wiping the mixture of blood and tears from her face with her sleeve, smearing her make-up in the process; she was covered in cuts and bruises and, quite honestly, looked like she'd gone ten rounds with Joe Calzaghe. "'Cept I got a Chimera... and a really, really mardy one at that." She grimaced at the memory, then, sighing, she began to recount the story of her own past hour.

II.

As badass as Theo liked people to think she was, there were some things that were beyond terrifying; being alone in the middle of the Forbidden Forest - which was scary enough on its own -when the school had been taken over and is now being used as a base camp by the bad guys was probably very, very close to top of the list. She knew there were rumours of werewolves and centaurs and even huge spiders in the forest but she hated to think what was in there now.

So she didn't.

It was another half hour walking before Theo saw any other sign of life, but unfortunately for her, this particular sign of life was huge, angry, and apparently very, very hungry. Before she could take the monstrous sight it pounced at her, and Theo barely dove out of the way before it landed, mere feet behind her. She grabbed her wand, which had fallen from her grasp in her bid to avoid getting jumped on, and scrambled to her feet, backing away from the creature.

"Fuck me, you're a huge bugger..." When she felt herself bump into a tree she scooted around behind it so that it was between her and the Chimera, which was watching her very intently with a hunger in its eyes. "You know, you're surprisingly agile for having a goat's body." At that moment the creature lashed out with its scaly tail, smashing the tree's trunk and leaving a huge indentation whilst sending Theo falling backwards and onto her butt again. "And you're really rather rude," she muttered, shuffling behind another tree and trying to throw hexes in retaliation, giving a frustrated grunt when they all either missed or didn't seem to bother it too much. She glowered at her wand. "Fat lot of help you are. Why can't I have a badass sword at times like this?"

As she was about to try some spells again the locket began to feel hot against her skin so she took it out of her shirt and laid it in the palm of her hand, watching with mild surprise as the precious stones started to glow.

There was another deafening crack as the tail smashed the tree that was right behind her, sending her careening forwards and onto her face. She pushed herself up off her face, wincing at the painful cuts on her face and on her arms from where she tried (somewhat unsuccessfully) to break her fall.

Oh, it's on now, bitch.

The locket, now resting on the ground, suddenly emanated a blinding white light, and behind her Theo heard the shrill cry of shock from her aggressor, but she couldn't take her eyes off the locket; the light seemed so kind to her, almost comforting... She noticed that something seemed to be protruding from the large ruby in the center of the locket, almost like a golden handle or... a hilt? As soon as she was able to, she grabbed it and pulled, drawing a glittering sword, encrusted with more of the same stones from the locket.

FUCK YES.

With the sword in one hand and wand in the other she got back on her feet in time to see the Chimera shake its head and get its own bearings back. Seeing the its victim was now armed it gave a loud roar, rearing backwards before turning and attacking her once again with its tail. Gritting her teeth she took the sword and span to get some momentum, thrusting her arm out for her sword to meet the tail and hoping that it would protect her. There was a loud FOOM as the two made contact and the sword had burst into flame, effectively blowing a chunk right out of the scaly whip, leaving about half of it just hanging by unscathed strings of flesh. A thunderous scream of pain echoed around her as the Chimera reared back again, this time to try and escape the flames which still licked at its tail, and then ran off into the deep forest.

Theo stared after the creature, then down at her sword. "Holy shit, this makes things explode?"

Happy with her new weapon she started on her way again, jogging around the trees and keeping an ear open in case her BFF came back with a score to settle. After a while she came across a centaur, although this seemed somewhat different to others of its kind; its skin was an odd, grey colour and its eyes seemed dead and devoid of any life. When it gave a gurgled groan Theo stepped backwards. "...aw hell no, a zombie centaur?! You have got to be kidding me."

Hearing the sound of her voice it turned to look at her, and began to lurch its way towards her. With a sudden surge of confidence, Theo brandished her sword...

III.

"...a-and then I tamed the centaur and hitched a ride out of the forest." Even though she was still sniffling, she said it quite matter-of-factly.

Isa blinked. "What."

"I tamed it."

"You tamed a zombie centaur."

She nodded. "Uh-huh."

"Of course," Isa said, laughing a little, suddenly relieved that they'd both made it out okay. "I guess you haven't seen the guys then?"

Theo shook her head. "Not since before we got separated." She frowned. "I hope they're alright..."

"I'm sure they are." She paused. "They have to be."

The girls fell into an uneasy silence, the implication of what they'd just said hanging heavily in the air. Silently and without discussing it much they waited for the remaining three to come out of the forest, because they wanted to cling on to the hope that they would; they were strong, competent wizards, if young witches like Isa and Theo could come out alive surely they could, too? It was a question they daren't voice, let alone think to try and answer, especially since as the minutes ticked by there was no sign of life other than themselves.

They waited for an hour before Isa stood up, a pained expression on her face. "We should get going. We can't stay here all night." She held a hand out to Theo, who again, quietly replying, "Yeah." She took the outstretched hand and got to her feet, glancing back at the forest in the vain hope that it would play like the movies; the guys would appear and they could go save the future together...

After another short moment they made their way up to the castle itself, both girls determined not to let anybody down, determined to get that book and get back to their own time to stop any of this heartache from happening. If this was what the prophecy caused, they would stop it. Even if it was the last thing they did.