OMG FML

SORRY ABOUT THE SCARE EARLIER

FANFICTION AND POSSIBLY MY BUSTED-ASS FLASH DRIVE CORRUPTED THE ORIGINAL FILE

ugh, ugh, ugh. you can all thank the illustrious and beautiful and talented thallium81/jfly for making this update possible. srsly. kiss her feet and read sanctuary. DO IT. DO IT NOW. wait. read this first, then do it.

Gah. Hello, little twitterers. Tweeters? Twitts? Idk idk

So very sorry about the update lackingness. I actually lost the flash drive for this story when I was switching to my new l'il mini laptop… and a piece of me died. Luckily, I found the thing 3 days ago.

So thanks for still reading this here first story o'mine. This one's for my lady jandco. And the ficster blog. Please to be sending all of your fandom/twilight/rob/jandco inquiries to dearwtvoc (at) gmail (dot) com. Check out the profile if you dunno what the ayche I'm talking about.

Also… thanks for sticking with me. this one's for you and you and you. but especially you.

Bella

It's funny, sometimes, how time can alter our perceptions of things.

For instance… it had now been a month since Edward had shown up and subsequently left. Which I took as a sign to break up with my whatever-he-was and for the second time, ever, do something unlike me (the first time being that whole VampBella business, of course).

And what did that yield?

Nothing.

Yet.

It's like I was biding my time, waiting to be told, "Nope. Not getting what you want."

And Alice freaking knew something and she wasn't telling me. I could tell. She'd look at me with expectation and anticipation every time I answered the phone, and she was more Tigger-like than usual whenever the doorbell rang.

Yeah. I'll admit it. I sort of assumed it had something to do with Edward. I mean, come on. Wasn't it obvious?

Sure, Rational Bella said, "No, that's just Alice being Alice. The new and surprisingly versatile Galianos just got her all wet.

But then that other voice- the stupid, teeny tiny one named Bella's Deepest Desires- called out to me from whatever grouping of nerve endings resided between my intestines and my Kegel muscle. The tingly, not really arousing and unpleasant-only-'cuz-it-hurt-so-good whispery voice that said, "Something changed. Edward's coming and Alice knows it" would start calling out to me. Taunting and hinting and making me smile inwardly while cringing outwardly.

I hated it. And would die without it.

But then he didn't call. He didn't show. The light in Alice's eyes dimmed a fraction, but I could tell the difference.

So my shoulders slumped and Rational Bella took over and decided everyone needed casseroles. And freezer cookies. Cakes in the cake dome. I turned into a baking fool.

It wasn't enough.

So one day, when my boss asked me if I'd stay late, I did.

Still not enough.

I kept baking and working late.

And I knew what was going on. Classic denial strategy. I think everyone else knew, too, because they all had that look on their faces- that "don't poke a sleeping bear" wariness that made me want to punch something.

But I made chicken pot pies instead.

Rosalie tried everything. She tried to show me how to use Adobe Illustrator. How to rotate my tires. Anything.

Jasper made half-hearted attempts at showing me Mario Kart, but he stopped when I started beating him.

Alice kept on pretending everything was normal.

Emmett was the only one, as ever, to point things out.

"What? Let her be. Girlfriend's mourning. Both Jake and Edward. Ow," he said, rubbing his chin. Rose had tossed my latest project- rock candy- at him. He popped the purple crystals in his mouth and drooled out, "Dude. I've been eating like a fat fattie these last few weeks. And I don't mind. One bit." He got up and crunched loudly, giving Rose a sickeningly sweet and purple-wet kiss on the mouth. Then he came back to me on the couch.

"Listen, Bella. If you really want something to occupy your time, I think Rose could teach you how-"

"Emmett. Don't you dare." She was clacking on her laptop, but I looked up in time to see her shoot him a glare.

"What?" He was grinning, the apples in his cheeks lighting up the room and Rose's face. She sighed and lightly slapped her laptop shut.

"I can't tell you anything," she snapped, reaching down into her laptop case.

"What?" Even I knew I sounded tired, so I figured it was time to start letting others try to cheer me up.

I hated feeling so deflated. I mean, he was never mine. Moooooove on. Move on.

Ugh. So restless. I just didn't feel right.

"Okay, Bells. Here's the deal. I am not a girly girl. You know this."

"Right." She had my attention now; Rosalie Hale hated anything that revealed her feminine side unless it was a stacked stiletto or a micro mini.

She sighed. "Okay. Understand that I trust you."

"And I you."

"I know," she said, patting my arm. Then she slipped something cold and thin and metallic into my hands.

"Yes. Don't look at me like that. This is just the thing to calm you the fuck down, Bella."

I almost laughed, but she totally would've kicked my ass. Then Emmett's.

"Rosalie Hale," I said, trying to sound accusatory without laughing. It came out like a swallowed snort. "You knit?"

XXXXXXXXX

So now Bella knits, too.

Scarves. Really long ones.

Amazing how soothing it was, too. Showtime original programming and a scarf in chunky rows. Took my mind off everything quite nicely.

So imagine my disgust and surprise when a furious knocking on the door interrupted the Tudors season premiere and my first attempts at purling.

"Ali. Get it, would you?"

"Bella. Like I want to miss any potential Henry Cavill nudity. Please. Come in." She hollered the last bit out, and we giggled like teenagers as Jasper and Emmett played Connect Four, trying to pretend they weren't vested in Henry's crown.

"Whoa," Emmett said, and I looked up-

-and he was just there.

Edward.

I froze, my ridiculously huge 15-gauge needles held like weapons, Rose at my feet with the yarn wrapped around her hands. She looked up; her eyes narrowed then zipped over to me, and the whole room paused for a breath.

"You knit? Did Rose rope you in?" It was ridiculous, really. Five thousand things rolled through my head. There were five thousand things he could've said, and he went with knitting? I started to feel light-headed.

"Good to see you, man." Emmett was the first to move. He got up and stuck out his big hand, the slap reverberating across the room and making my ears ring.

Rosalie was not quite so generous as was Emmett. Her needing-a-good-plucking eyebrow shot up, looking grotesque for Rose and still shaming mine, judging Edward with its prickly edges.

"Edward. What are you doing here?" She managed to monotone her voice, but I knew her enough by now to realize that it was barely controlled annoyance. She still hadn't forgiven him a hundred percent.

And I might have felt sympathy for him because of that, but I couldn't actually feel much of anything. He was just… standing there, looking exhausted and simply radiant. New fatherhood certainly agreed with him.

He got this sheepish look on his face before kind of looking down a bit and scratching the back of his neck. "I, uh… sort of just packed up and… well, I'm moving to Seattle."

Knit 1, purl 1.

"What?" Alice's voice was cautiously ecstatic. I could hear that slight squeak at the end of the word, like she was trying to temper her reaction. And I knew it was for my sake. Knit 1, purl 1.

"I needed to scope out the area, see what apartments are available. Did you know that…" He kept talking, and I felt like these awkward beams were radiating out, hitting me square in the back. But Bella was sort of in denial mode and just kept on knitting and purling.

I could hear the baritones and sweet timbres of everyone's voices as they asked him questions, everyone completely on edge and eyeing me like I was going to jump and overreact or something. I mean, really. What did they think, that I was going to freak out? Why would I? Why should I get irrationally angry or happy or excited or frustrated or whatever? So I was going to have to deal with him being around now. So I was going to have to-

"…since it isn't my baby…"

Wait. What?

"What?"

Somehow my attempts at making a ribbed, textured scarf ended up on the floor, and Rose scrambled out of my way at the same time that I stood up, turning so swiftly that my own hair smacked me in the face on its way to rest around my shoulders again.

I was looking at a spot directly behind Edward's face, but I could still see him. The tired. The bright, shining light in his eyes. He was tilting his head in the direction I was looking so that he came into my view, but I couldn't focus on him. Couldn't, wouldn't. I tightened my grip on the knitting needles, my arms clenched to the sides of my body as I studiously avoided looking at him while simultaneously trying to pick up as many details as I could without really seeing.

My mind raced for like, a zillion things I could think about. But of course, the only thing it alighted on was "not" and "his baby".

But really, it didn't matter. Everything we had was gone. If he had really felt anything, he would have told me. If I had been enough of a blip on his radar, I would have known this already. I mean, it was all clear now- Alice certainly knew. She didn't tell me because she felt bad that it had all gone down the way it did. I got it. Message received.

My grip on the needles loosened a bit. I almost felt like I should have been blinking back tears or something, but eh. It's fine. I'm fine.

I turned and sat down, leaning over to try and salvage my scarf. I could feel eyes on me, but I didn't really know which ones. Unearthly green, sparkly blues, concerned browns. Didn't matter. Bella is okay.

"So… yeah. I decided to tie up some loose ends and come be with the people I cared about most in the world…"

And with that, I started to chuckle. And the fucking looped ends of my now destroyed scarf just wouldn't fucking cooperate.

"…I needed to get my stuff in order, you know? Just, push it past me as a bad time in my life and take stock and…" Wow. Does he even realize how much of a tool he sounds like right now? I was slowly and deliberately trying to loop the big needles back in, doing my best to salvage the bad scarf situation I had going, but that was hard when your body was trembling with the effort of trying to hold hysterical laughter in. I leaned down, trying to hide my face. I mean, the guy was explaining his thought process for whatever- forgiving the lesbians and wasted months and taking stock and blah blah blah. I simply couldn't hear it anymore. Who did he think he was? Well, first off, a psychopath. Making girls fall for him all over the West Coast and just loving and leaving them. Him with his stupid Zorro gear and his smirk and that smoke-on-the-water voice- I swallowed a giggle, but it sounded strangled. Knit knit knit. Purl, too.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and the laughter kept coming. Edward stopped his soliloquy, and I chanced a glance up to see Alice, furiously gazing over my shoulder at him.

"Shh. Bella, it's okay. Do you want me to ask him to leave?" Oh. Oh. She thinks I'm crying.

And that did it. Months and months of sad just let loose.

I started to laugh. Chortle. Guffaw. Whatever. It was loud and obnoxious and a huge fucking relief.

I am such the drama queen.

I finally looked up and covered Alice's hand with my own, using her to help me stand up. She looked perplexed and slightly irritated as I stumbled, trying to stop the laughter while gaining my footing. Jasper looked worried, Rose looked pissed, and Emmett looked amused as I stood there giggling. I had no idea what Edward looked like because I still refused to really acknowledge that he was even there.

"Bella-?" Jasper was coming toward us, but I waved him away and doubled over in laughter. It was ridiculous, really. Why the hell did Edward even come over here? He was a smart guy. He should have known that just dropping in on me would have made me- well, okay. No way to foresee this one. Still.

"No, no. Please. Go about your business." Or at least that's what I meant to say; I have no idea if anyone understood me through the gasping chokes.

And I might have continued on in this vein, delighting in the utter confusion I was causing with my nearest and dearest, if it weren't for one thing.

Him.

"Bella." That voice. The smooth, whipped consistency of it poured over me and around me and through me. And I would have rejected it if it weren't so damned comforting.

"No." That voice was the one thing that stopped the laughter. And it stopped immediately. I looked up from the cascaded curtain of my hair to see everyone looking at me, startled and struck by my abrupt change of tone.

"Bella?" Alice was with me again, her hand at my elbow, but I shrugged it off. A lick of anger coursed up my spine and down my arms, and I flexed involuntarily, shoving aside that emotion so that I could go back to my irrational laughter.

"I'm cool," I giggled, taking a deep breath and leaning against the back of the couch for support. I mean, really. Who did he think he was?

I looked down and over at him and noticed he was wearing the same shoes, and that was all it took, really. I mean, I had changed and morphed into a person I didn't really know anymore. Someone who capitulated into easy stuff to avoid confronting emotion or whatever. And he had gone and become a daddy and then not-daddy and he had this whole new thing going on, whatever it was… but his shoes were the same. And that's what made me react.

"Who do you think you are?" I mouthed the words, not really voicing them. The sane part of me understood that I had no right to ask him this question, no matter how much I wanted to. And Sane Bella was still calling the shots, despite the hysterical laughter.

"Edward," Alice said, the excitement in her voice evident as she bounded over for a hug. "What are you doing here, exactly?" Hope and anticipation. I remembered being like that.

She was next to him, talking fast and in low tones while the rest of us stood there, frozen in our spots and perplexed. Well, except for me, of course. I still had giggles sporadically bursting from my lips.

"I, uh," he said sheepishly, looking around the room- everywhere but at me. "I'm moving to Seattle."

…

….

……..

No one had a response. And I actually stopped moving. Laughing, breathing, thinking.

"Oh my God, that's wonderful!" Alice's slightly delayed response didn't faze the room as everyone started to react and come forward. Well, except for me.

"What about the… the apartment? And Jessica…" My voice trailed a bit.

The lying lesbian. 'Cause if he wasn't the father, then she lied. I didn't feel myself speaking, but there I was, automatic mouth turned on.

"I, uh. Forgave her. Forgave them." It sounded like a question, but I finally looked up and met his eyes and saw the ridiculous truth there. Just like that. Ridiculous.

"What? Man, that's great, that's just…" Emmett must've gotten another sock in the arm from Rosalie because he stopped abruptly and looked over at me. In fact, everyone was looking at me. I realized I had moved toward him again, but my arms were rigid, at my sides. I must've had a terrible expression on my face, too, because everyone was looking at me like a lion escaped from the zoo or something. I felt rage and relief wash over me and out of every orifice in my head. No way this was happening.

"Oh, hey. We all have that thing. You know. The thing that doesn't require Bella and Edward. Come on, yo. Let's book." That Emmett. Such a way with words. Silently and in about eight seconds, everyone rushed out the door, Alice taking one last glance over her shoulder as she quietly shut the door behind her.

Leaving me and him. Him and me. Us.

Alone.

What the hell was I supposed to do?

I threw my knitting on the floor and turned a complete one-eighty.

"Bella, wait-"

No.

"-I feel like an ass-"

Because you are.

"-but I'd really like to talk to you about all of this-"

All of what.

"-I've been thinking so much lately-"

Must be nice to not be trapped in your own head.

"-coming to terms with my own issues-"

Great. A guy who watches daytime TV and self-analyzes.

"Oh, fuck it." He was, after all, taller than me; therefore, his legs were long. Before I could get to my bedroom door, his hand was at my shoulder, spinning me around to face him. And I couldn't protest. I couldn't squirm away. I couldn't escape into my room, and I couldn't refuse because his mouth was on mine, dry and chapped and requesting and insisting. Soft, crackling lips brushing mine and my mind screamed out to slap the shit out of him, but he just felt so good and right that I couldn't-

"Goddamn, I needed that," he whispered, breaking free of the hot connection but not at all pulling away. Stupid hands of mine were grasping his collar, refusing to let go. My neck was straining, my feet scrunched at the tippy toes of my chucks because I was stretching my whole body just to get closer. He was so tall, so looming. Warm and smelling just like I remembered, his nearness making me want to crawl in bed and bask in it like I did every single morning having just awakened from an Edward-centric dream.

I sobbed then, one of those embarrassingly cracked sounds, and I just let go and latched onto his mouth, teeth grazing and pulling, feeling the triumph as he responded in kind, pain shooting at my temples as he wound his hands through my hair.

"Sorry," he whispered into my ear, making my heart thud once loudly and then hammer softly as I breathed in, trying to slow it down. This was too fast, too much. What the hell was happening?

"Why are you here?" I hated how desperate I sounded; I hated that I had to ruin the moment. Because I knew- I knew what was going to happen. It was a terrible idea, but I was just so very tired of thinking. I wanted to feel again.

And then he said the words I wanted, the words I needed.

"To get you back."

Thank God.

"And Bella, I'm sorry. I handled this terribly, but I just needed-"

"Shut up." Stop being so frustratingly good all the time.

"What?" He was both amused and confused. Silly boy. Kiss me again. Make me feel.

"Just shut up and kiss me again, Edward." Saying his name strengthened my resolve.

"Okay." He leaned in, his eyes closed, and I think maybe he was smelling me or my hair or possibly just basking because his face was soft and light.

"Sorry," he whispered into my ear, making my heart thud once loudly and then hammer softly as I breathed in, trying to slow it down. This was too fast, too much. What the hell was happening?

"Why are you here?" I hated how desperate I sounded; I hated that I had to ruin the moment. Because I knew- I knew what was going to happen. It was a terrible idea, but I was just so very tired of thinking. I wanted to feel again.

And then he said the words I wanted, the words I needed.

"To get you back."

Thank God.

"And Bella, I'm sorry. I handled this terribly, but I just needed-"

"Shut up." Stop being so frustratingly Good all the time.

"What?" He was both amused and confused. Silly boy. Kiss me again. Make me feel.

"I said to shut up and kiss me again, Edward." Saying his name strengthened my resolve.

"Okay."

I blacked out for a minute when he came closer to me, his joyous face filling my field of vision as brushed his lips across my forehead before kissing me hard and kissing me fierce.

His lips- God, his lips. Bruising and gentle, drawing in and softly sucking on the very middle of my bottom lip, drawing in the soft and moist mass, gently nipping at his teeth. Everything, all of it so gentle, so fervent.

I briefly considered slapping him to get him to react more passionately, but that just didn't seem too adult of me. So I sighed. A barely audible wisp of breath, but a sigh nonetheless.

He immediately let go of me, backing up exactly one step and putting his hands up like you see them do to the crazy people in the movies who make a questionable move toward the hero.

"Whoa. Too fast? It's too fast, right? Dammit, dammit. I'm such a fucking idiot," he said, muttering and shoving his hair off of his forehead where I had managed to twist it into a huge, unruly mess. He kept sweeping the flat part of his hand through the slightly greasy hair there, all the while letting loose a long litany of self-scolding half-sentences; all I could catch was the occasional "stupid, stupid" as he slowly backed away, refusing to look in my direction.

"I should come back when I've figured things out, Bella. I'm so sorry. I was just excited to see you, to tell you that I was…" But he didn't finish. Why didn't he finish? He was what? Sorry? Free to be with me? An idiot? Yes to all three? His whispers seemed to be pleading with himself more than with me, and it was this quiet desperation in his voice and countenance that gave me the wherewithal to just forgive and forget. For the time being, anyway. I think we both needed it; needed this.

"Hey," I said, stepping toward him. He was dangerously close to leaving this room again, and no way I'd let that happen without some sort of closing statement. But I could sense it coming; I knew that this was a pivotal moment, that he was there to fix the Us that never was. And in a near-blinding mental flash, I saw everything clearly, maybe for the first time ever.

We'd both dance around it. I could see it. We were both so hesitant to step out of our preset boxes, so afraid of what the other and the others would think, that we could dance around this forever. Never confront it, never confront each other.

So he left me.

So what.

So he knocked up a lesbian.

So what. That turned out to be a wash, anyway.

So he didn't call me.

So he kind of let me hang there for a while.

Could I blame him?

Yep.

Well…

Fuck. I thought I had dealt with this already. Quite obviously, I hadn't.

I must have sat there and thought obsessive thoughts for a beat too long because he shuffled a little bit with his feet and the noise startled me, making me look up. The confused and slightly irritated conversation I was having with myself in my head probably put an irritated look on my face because when our eyes met, just like that- I saw the bright, lust-filled light in his eyes dim. Like he read something in my face that indicated to him that I was done.

No. Not again.

"I'm just going to-"

"No, you're not just going to do anything." I was fed up with this shit. No more, dammit. Time to take a stand. I stomped over to the still-open door to my bedroom and slammed it shut behind him.

"Bella?" He sounded scared, but suddenly, that fierce, simmering light flared in his eyes and face and smile. He must've had the same self-argument I had just had, because I knew… knew in that moment when I stood there, pissed at everything and heaving chest and my hand still out from slamming the door- I knew when our faces turned toward each other and I finally calmed down long enough to take a breath and when I did, his eyes zoomed in on the rhythmic rise and fall of my chest and I just let out this choked laugh because what a freaking guy, to ogle a set of tits, even when the world is possibly falling down around you- I knew that we were going to be okay.

I also knew that we were about to have sex. A lot of it.

About time, too. It was like someone had awakened my seriously dormant libido by stabbing it in the groin. Out of absolutely nowhere, I felt a vibrant buzz in the pit of my stomach, and it made a devilish grin pop out on my face. I remembered that feeling. The last time I had it was in this very room with this very guy. Just to test it- to flex my muscles, so to speak- I did the time-tested thing that got an even bigger grin on my face- I clenched my muscle down there. Mmm. Tingly.

I looked up to his face and took a moment to bask in its fire. He looked so alive in that moment; he took a step at me, sucking the corner of his bottom lip in as he looked a little hesitant. And right then, I decided that we needed the air clear if I was going to enjoy myself. Or him.

"Edward," I said, low and girly-gritty, taking a step toward him. He turned away from me, looking anywhere but at my face, like he was ashamed of himself. Which- maybe he should be, but here in my room where the last time we had been together had been a fine morning-after glow of warm and almost-sex- I just wanted to get back to the good stuff. Like… ignore the previous few months. I knew that wasn't healthy, and I might have been able to focus on such things like the status of my mental well-being, but as soon as I had huskily said his name, his eyes had snapped back to focus on mine, and it was like tunnel-vision. We were drawn together until we somehow ended up in each other's arms, his warm and strong and mine shivering with not-cold as I pressed my palms into the pits of his shoulders so that my fingertips were pressing into his collarbone.

My heart went ballistic as I yanked at his shirt, bringing his face to mine. His breath in my face, warm-hot, sweet but not cloyingly so, very Edward and full of my missing him as he came right up to my lips to kiss and savor, but I whispered against him so that our mouths were moving together.

"Not your baby. And I don't care about the missing months, okay? Let it go."

Who knew that I had it in me? With a strangled sob, I smashed my lips onto his, wetting my dried lips with his tongue, our teeth grazing and scratching as he kissed me and I kissed him. I could feel an ache in my arms as I strained to wrap myself around him and through him, so I pulled them down and grabbed him by the waist, pulling him toward me so that I could feel him hard and against my belly, and I gasped at it because… I don't know why. It just seemed to make it all so real. He was here. He was here.

"You're here."

"I'm here."

No more talking.

My hands started traveling, over his hips and down his ass. My fingers slipped against something soft and smooth, and while he was busily burying his nose in my hair, I pulled at the silken mass and breathed in a grin.

The mask. The freaking mask. I'd know it anywhere.

I yanked it out and produced it, grinning a sly half-grin as I showed it to him, holding it up to my face.

"Alice," he whispered, shaking his head in wonder. He gently pulled it from my hands, his fingers lingering on my skin as we held the thing between the two of us. Such symbolism. It seemed ridiculous now, yet very pertinent and full of meaning.

Oh, hell. I made to grab it, but he tossed it over his shoulder and grabbed my wrists.

"C'mere, you," he said, smirking and beaming. He yanked my arms straight up and grabbed the hem of my shirt, pulling it off in one smooth motion.

I slowly lowered my arms, lamenting my boring bra choice as I stood there. Edward was in front of me, his head hanging against one shoulder as he looked me over. Any day before this one and I would have felt self-conscious, but not here. Not now. I felt right and I felt good, and I didn't even blush once.

I was pondering whether to return the favor when he leaned in and buried his face right there between my breasts and then his arms were around me, his roughened hands scratching at my back as he kneaded his knuckles into my shoulder blades and down the small of my back, his mouth making sloppy wet sounds as he kissed my skin without moving his head. My neck flexed as I rolled my head around, giving in to the electricity, the pull as his mouth moistened and his breath cooled and the tight feeling in my chest slowly made its way lower and lower, my clenching increasing. I pulled his head in, my hands clawing at his messy hair. Yes. God, yes.

I wanted to draw it out, but I didn't think I would be able to stand it. He was being so slow, so careful. I could feel his arms tightening around me; I could hear his feet shuffling below, trying to find purchase; I could smell him, the warm Edward smell growing stronger with each sweep of his tongue; I could taste his need, and I could feel my own. I opened my mouth to tell him just that, and as I did, I realized that we were suddenly back in sync. Months melted as he lifted me swiftly and delicately, his hands burning every inch of my body they brushed against as I was tossed onto my own bed.

The soft glow of the sun setting was making the room dark and golden, the faint rays of streetlamps turning on, adding to the affect. As I looked up at Edward through my lashes, I could barely make out the shine of his hair catching some of the last rays of sunlight; his face was bathed in dark, but all I needed was his heavy breathing over and around me. His body pressed against mine, making me overheat and want more, always more. I tentatively reached a hand out, unbuttoning his shirt so that I could feel his skin against mine. As my fingers made their way down, he leaned on one elbow and used his other hand to press my questing fingertips over his chest.

He sat up, making quick work of his own buttons as I propped myself up on my elbows. His legs were straddling my thighs, and I eyed his belt with a raised eyebrow, wondering if he could see my face in the growing dark.

"See something you like?"

Well, that answered that.

I responded by laying back but arching up slightly, reaching underneath me to unclasp my bra. I let it lay limp across my chest, making no move to remove it, but simply putting my hands behind my head. I smiled at the anticipation of it all, taking care to watch my breath so that I didn't get overexcited.

Edward, of course, had other plans. With a quick breath in, he fell above me, his knees still surrounding my legs but his palms falling right below my armpits. The warmth from his skin made it seem like it got much hotter, but maybe it was just him or the fact that an hour ago I was knitting and now here he was, leaning above me and now dipping in, his hair poking my nose as he hung his head down, looking at me. My eyes were getting used to the dark and I could just make out the scraggly mess at my chin. I could feel him, hot and trailing down, leaning back a little on his knees as he kissed the tops of each of my breasts.

His fingers tickled my shoulders as he gently pulled at my wrists, bringing my arms out from under my head and down to my sides; he slipped the straps of my bra down as he leaned in, grasping the center of it with his teeth and removing the thing with one quick swish. Much like the Zorro mask before it, the garment disappeared over his shoulder.

"Lovely," he murmured before coming back toward me. His warm and calloused hands cupped the sides of each breast, his thumbs rubbing up and near- but not quite on- my nipples. I was gasping, writhing. His pants were baggy and they were stretched across my legs, creating a distance that I found frustratingly awful. I just wanted him on me, dammit.

He sat up a bit, and in the last few moments of setting sun, his hair flamed red and his face glowed with a faint shine; I could see him smirking at me as he unbuttoned the rest of his shirt.

Once that went the way of the mask, he finally stretched out and covered my body with his. Holding my face in his hands, he kissed me long and lovingly, our lips moving with each other, hard and fast. It was too much, but I couldn't quite get enough.

With one swift shift of his elbow, he was curling me up and around and on him, flipping us over so that I was now lying across his long body, my toes barely making it past his knees. I dug in a little, kneading his legs through his pants. He smiled into my mouth and I lifted my head up, my eyes beginning to make out the ghost-like shapes of his features in the now dimly-lit room.

"What?" he softly laughed, his voice husky, low. Sex. That rhythmic throb-clench I had been experiencing ever since he walked in the door intensified with that one simple question. What, indeed?

The thousands of other questions we could be asking glossed over in my mind like that. I pushed all of the thoughts and misgivings and wondering asides away in favor of focusing on my lust.

I pushed up, taxing the bend of my elbows as I scrambled my legs up and around, purposefully straddling him so that I was sitting on his hard, long, delicious… yeah. I shoved and pressed up with my hips, getting a rumbling groan as a gift and earning a second moan as I let the momentum of my hippy shake knock my tits right into his face. His hands were suddenly on my hips, his fingers squeezing, and I hoped I would be able to see the bruises from each individual finger there in the morning as I leaned down, opening my mouth and covering his with my lips, my jaw unhinging and flexing. He tried to match my furious mouth kissing and he seemed to like that he couldn't; I was losing it joyfully, grinding my hips into his, rubbing and massaging my clenching buzz with his hardened thickness, moving and undulating and mouthing, tongue long, my palms on his biceps, squeezing and wondering if he worked out or jacked off a lot or was just naturally so fucking well-made.

"Bella," he said, trying to move his head to the side so that he could get the words out. I wasn't letting him. I wasn't thinking, couldn't think. Would not. I kept meeting his attempts at talking with my opened mouth.

"Slow" lick "down" lap.

"Nuh uh," I breathed in between tongues. I think he tried to say "okay", but I couldn't be sure because I became well-aware that there was no point in wearing pants anymore. The Bella Libido was taking over, and its takeover was going to be swift. No more drawing it out or mouths on underwear, no more fucking around.

I sat up.

Stood up.

Hovered over him, my upper half lighting up with the glow of the street lamps and the dark surrounding me. I couldn't see him, but I could feel his smile penetrate the dark as I slipped out of my pants and shed my underwear. I nudged his hip and ass with my toe.

"Now you."

He didn't even hesitate as he removed the rest of his clothes, pausing to pull something out of his butt pocket.

I raised my eyebrow as I lowered myself to my knees. "Not gonna lie," he panted, "I thought it might be on the table." He started to open the condom foil but I flicked it out from in between his fingers so that it landed next to us on the wrinkled sheets.

Grinning while I bent down, I laid a soft lips-only kiss right above his hip, brushing the dip of his pelvis with the bottom of my chin. He hissed and shifted, his dick brushing against my hair, which only made him take a deeper breath. I shook my head a little bit, the hair shimmying and tickling; this time, he lurched forward in reflexive laughter, hitting my cheek with his cock.

"Did you just dick slap me?" I giggled, and when he started to laugh and relax, I turned slightly and licked up the length of him, my tongue slipping as I got to the tip as his dick moved with the motion. Without thinking, I grabbed it to steady him and I paused as he gasped in a breath; oh, the control a girl has sometimes. I grinned and took just the head into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the salty-yet-not-unpleasant taste that was nothing but man, this man. This Edward. What the fuck had I been thinking with the dry blowing business? Wet blows were much better. His soft grunts intensified and I felt him very tense and still beneath me, my hands propped on his tightened thigh muscles as I slipped down and around him, my teeth grazing soft skin as I tried to take more and more in each time, each mouthful stretching out my lips and cracking the corners of my mouth with pleasure pain, pleasure-pain.

My bare ass was sticking up and out, and as I perched there, blowing this man that my mind understood I was still pissed at, my thoughts strayed and I became aware that I was pretty fucking wet, and I wanted to do something about it. I sat up abruptly and now I could see his features darkened but clear- his eyes were closed and his eyebrows were furrowed, a look of pained bliss lighting his entire face. He cracked open his lids and looked out at me.

"Wow," he breathed. Indeed. I straddled him again, my wet almost touching his until I remembered… well, he may not be as fertile as we had sort of joked about, but I sure as hell wasn't taking any chances.

I pawed at the sheets next to him, leaning down for another kiss, not caring if he was the type of guy who didn't kiss the mouth that just blew him. He didn't seem to mind, though, kissing me back, sucking in as he tried to steady his heavy breathing. My fingers closed in on the foil and I sat up, hissing as the still-moistened tip of his dick brushed against my slightly-moistened thigh.

I ripped open the package and pulled the condom out, pinching it gingerly by the roll as I handed it to him.

"Hurry up."

"Yes, ma'am." He was amused yet obeying. He did those things that men are always better at than women, pinching and base-holding and rolling. I watched, mesmerized by the size of the damned thing. I mean, fuck. I was going to sit on that and roll and writhe. Fuck, yes.

Crawling on my palms and my knees, I hovered so that our body parts matched, leaning down with my head to brush my lips against his.

"Bella… it's always been you." Eye-to-eye, held breath. The both of us. I had just wanted this to be fucking, goddammit.

I thrust my hips toward our feet, low and with a quick, jerking movement. The tip of his cock hit paydirt but then veered; I swiveled, searching. Writhing and feeling, getting wetter and more desperate. Finally, finally. The right angle, the right moment. Up and angle, down and oh. Ffff. Hiss and up, his hips up, pressing as I sat back, letting him handle gravity, the burn in my inner elbows as I moved, shoved. The angle gone, move and hips up, angle away, there it is again and oh. "Ooh." He got the hint. Kept the pace, the angle. Must be killing his back but fuck it. So good. The tickle, that hot painful tickle, like maybe I had to piss but not really, the burn that I knew I'd feel, the friction on my skin, just… God yes, shiver and shudder and I looked at him, reveling that he'd obviously been fixating on me or maybe just my tits but no, he was looking at me and his hands left the mattress, fists at my side as he tried to find his spot to hold onto. His fingers unfurled and found it, guiding my movements as I thrust and just went at it. Had at it, at him. The bad melting, melted and my breasts swaying everywhere and his palms cupping, thumbs brushing and giving new tingle down there as I focused down there and just… he was there, under me and filling. Fuck. Now now now "Now now now. Oh, now."

I knew I was mewling, I knew I was moaning. I knew the bed was squeaking, the telltale rhythmic springing sounds of sex, really good sex filling the room and hitting the bed and I hoped they had really left and not come back because how embarrassing but who could care because it was here… no, coming and coming and I looked down to make sure he was with me but who could give a fuck because it's not like guys don't always come no matter what and oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh yes. There it is. He got it. Thank you, but he got it. The Spot, the spot that just yes yes yesss. The searing white, the searing pain, the muscle strain and the burning rain and the tickle and the comedown. The comedown as I became more, became me and became us. His hips lowered, bringing us down. Down to the mattress and to earth and I was fucking breathing heavy, I never exerted that much effort and Jesus, did we really just fuck like that?

I didn't want to look at him because it was over but I couldn't stay away from his face because it's not like everyone didn't have that insecure moment where they wondered if the other person came or was faking and hell, he's a guy, they all come, right?

"Fuck, Bella," he heaved, slapping his wet palm on his sweaty forehead. "Jesus. Whoa," he breathed, and he laughed, a high-pitched masculine laugh that filled the dark and my chest cavity, suffusing everything with the relief I could hear in his voice.

"I know," I laughed back, feeling giddy and dread creeping up on me.

Well, that was out of the way.

I made a move to get up and he held the condom in place, grimacing a half-laugh as I moved up, pulling him out. He moved his head up and looked down, seeming embarrassed at the after-care inherent in the post-coital activities.

He sat up and I watched the broad expanse of his back, watching the interplay of his muscles as he did his business at the side of my bed. I could've let myself be mesmerized, so I stopped it, crawling over and putting my chin on his shoulder.

"I think we need to talk." And I was not at all amazed that we said the exact same thing at the exact same time.

So, while I dedicate everything I will ever create to jandco… that smut was for ninapolitan. I dedicate all 1.49 costco hot dog/diet coke combos to her for being a hot bitch.