Chapter24 –Helpless–

"It's my fault."

"No, Chloe, it is not."

"It's my fault – all my fault."

"Chloe, please, stop. None of this is your fault."

"Yes, it is! Janette is gone because of my encouragements. Antoine, Julien and Dominique are gone because I overreacted that day. And Louis is gone because I wasn't observant enough. I should have taken better care of them – they are my friends after all!"

"Chloe, please-"

"All my fault. I'm such a terrible person. I haven't deserved any of this. I haven't deserved anything. I haven't deserved to live! I haven't deserved-"

Adrian interrupted my self-loathing-aria by pulling me into his arms and pressing my face against his cool chest. "Enough," he growled resolutely.

I closed my eyes, concentrating on his wonderful intoxicating aroma. It felt good, having his cool strong arms around me. – I didn't deserve this…

It had been two days now since Janette was gone, a month since Antoine, Julien and Dominique had left, two months since Louis had suddenly disappeared. Today was Christmas Eve, my first Christmas with Adrian and my first Christmas without my friends. I really couldn't figure out whether I should be happy or sad.

When Adrian had greeted me with a "Merry Christmas" and the most gorgeous smile this morning, I had burst out in tears but I couldn't tell if those were joyful or desperate tears. After calming down I had gone downstairs for breakfast with Mom and Granny and to my utter surprise they had been sitting at the kitchen table together with a third person. Father had arrived home late last night to celebrate Christmas together with his family. He had brought tons of wonderful presents for me again. Among those was an angelic white dress which he wanted me to put on instantly to "have an angel in his house on Christmas" as he had said it.

I'd obeyed like the good daughter I wanted to be. But when I had put the dreamlike dress on and had seen my reflection in the window glass, I had broken together.

I hadn't deserved this.

Granny and my parents had rushed upstairs asking me what was wrong. Dad apologized again and again for forcing me to wear a dress that I didn't like. At his words I had cried even more.

How could I do this to him? How could I do this to all of them?

I hadn't deserved this, I so hadn't deserved all of their love.

They had left me alone eventually. Mom and Granny persuading Dad that I would need some time alone. But I wasn't alone for very long. The second the sound of their steps had faded away, Adrian had appeared in my room, stroking my hair soothingly.

I didn't deserve this – nothing.

"You're too good, for me," I said between sobs. "You've deserved someone so much better than me."

"Nonsense," he objected, pulling back and lifting my chin with a hand to make me look into his eyes. "Do never say anything like that again."

"But it's true."

"No, it is not." His eyes were hard when he said this but then they melted to liquid gold, soft and warm. "Chloe," he said slowly, his velvet voice and his sweet breath lulled me like a light summer breeze. I fought back a moan. "Chloe, you are the best thing that had ever crossed my way in all those decades that I had live – no passed. I hadn't lived before meeting you, because you are my life. My life had started the moment I laid my eyes on you for the first time. I love you and I will never leave your side, except for you ordering me to. Even then I don't know whether I'd be able to absolutely leave you…"

He trailed off, closing his eyes, his browns pulled into a deep frown as if he was concentrating on a difficult exercise. He kept like that for a few seconds then his eyes flashed open as if he'd just woken up from a terrible nightmare – he was even gasping!

"No, won't leave," he muttered, so quiet that I wasn't sure whether he was talking to me or to himself. "Won't leave. Never."

Chantal, Fabienne and Claudine came visiting me in the afternoon. It broke my heart to see them entering the house and then discovering that only the three of them were here, no other smiling faces following behind.

Claudine was unusually nervous. She was biting her nails, chewing on her lower lip or tapping impatiently with her foot on the ground every time when she wasn't completely involved in the talk or game. Fabienne tried everything to ease the tension, though there actually was none. She was over the top excited, babbling too much and too fast.

But it was Chantal, who worried me the most. The lively sparkle was back in her eyes again. She looked determined, resolute, strong – all the characteristics that I had always known and loved about her. But today was different. Today the proud and fierce gleam in her chestnut-brown eyes didn't impress me but scare me. She was up to something and I could tell that I didn't like it even without knowing what exactly she was plotting.

It was in the late afternoon and I went into the kitchen to get something to eat for the four of us. Fabienne offered to help me. I put the water on the oven to make more tea and opened the cupboard, looking for some cookies Mom and Granny had made. After putting everything on a tablet I turned around, founding Fabienne standing in the doorway, her fingers fidgeting nervously.

"Fabienne," I worried. "You look pale. Is something wrong?"

"Um… well… actually…" She threw an anxious glance over her shoulder as if she was scared that someone dangerous was standing behind her.

"Fabienne?" I wondered, putting the tablet back on the table.

She closed the door silently, then she turned back to me. Her eyes were big with fear, her teeth biting down on her lower lip dangerously hard. She nodded.

I rushed to her side and pulled her toward the kitchen table to sit down before she would collapse right in front of me out of whatever kind of reason. She relaxed a little bit after I sat down next to her and took her hands in mine. She was sweating bullets!

"Chloe, you have to do something," she pleaded quietly but still urgently. "Chantal is determined to do this and Claudine is much too willing to accompany her."

I blinked in irritation. "W-what do you mean? What do they want to do?"

"The forest," Fabienne whispered so quietly that I had to read it from her lips. "They want to go into the forest and look for the others."

"What?!" I screamed, jumping to my feet.

Fabienne winced. "Shh!" she ordered, her head spun toward the door but it stayed closed.

"No," I breathed after Fabienne had pulled me back down on the chair. Suddenly my hands were in hers, they were shaking. "No, they can't, the mustn't. They must not go into the forest. Never."

"I know," Fabienne agreed. "And I told them, but they wouldn't listen. –Chloe!" –she grabbed my shoulders firmly so I had to look into her eyes– "You have to do something. Please! I don't want to lose them, too."

My brain run at full speed but all I could think of was the dark forest opening its mouth, swallowing my precious friends one by one. They were screaming in agony.

I shook my head to clear my mind from those terrible thoughts. "B-but what could I do?" I demanded, my voice was a few octaves too high with fear and despair. "What could I do that you haven't tried already? I'm sure you've spent hours on changing their minds. Besides, you know Chantal. Nothing can stop her if she'd decided on something."

Her hands fell from my shoulders and so did her eyes. "Yes, you're right," she said, her voice sounded somehow flat and lifeless. "Nothing will stop them." She got up and walked to the door, slowly, all kind of power had left her.

A bad foreshadow came to my mind. "Fabienne!" I called her, jumping to my feet again. "You won't go with them, will you?"

She paused, her hand only inches away from the doorknob. "First Louis," she replied calmly after a long moment of tense silence. "Then Antoine, Julien and Dominique. And now Janette," she paused. When she continued her voice was resolute and strong. "I can't lose Chantal and Claudine, too. I couldn't survive it." –she turned around to face me, a sad smile decorating her lips– "Could you?"

And then she disappeared through the door, leaving me behind, alone and absolutely helpless.

First of all:

MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! ^o^

yeah... I know the Christmas-thing is kinda late - but better late than never! XD besides, Christmas plays a (tiny little) role in this chap, too, soo.. it's not too late! XD

school had started again - ugh........ T.T can't be helped.... ^^

I'll try to update the next chap as soon as possible (stress on "possible" XD) - I already know what to write which is kinda sth. rare recently.... ^^ ...hmm... I guess I've to think about it whether the following chaps, that I've planned, are suited for "T"... ^^ (uhhhh~~ what is that crazy girl plotting again?! XDD)

-Please start the new year with lots of REVIEWS!! ^^

-Mulan-