"I've got nothing. Can we just talk about this "sexy" pic of Cao Pi I found in Zhen Ji's room?" Zhen Ji yells at Takasugi, "You went through my chambers?!"

"Yeah! How did you think I got this pic/drawing? This shows how wasteful Cao Pi is. People are starving and he's putting grapes on his crotch. People need to eat, you horrible horrible man!" Cao Pi turns red in embarrassment and swipes away the picture.

"This... is none of your business!"

"Yeah, the ancient art of sexting. I didn't know you people did it too... Anyway, what's next? Dick pics on scrolls? And based on what I have seen with Japanese and Chinese paintings, they will look like turds. Literal turds. I mean, they draw people like if they were made of water or something like that. I'd hate to see what they'll do to draw a pen-is."

Izuru says, "Are you done?"

"Not really. I need to fill more space of in this chapter. Ok, let's talk about this picture of DW6 Sima Yi stripping I found on Devainart."

"Why?!"

"I don't know. I'm just talking about things I find on our beloved Internet to fill up this space. I also found a picture of DW6 Sima Yi looking "sexy" while smoking what I think is opium." Sima Yi looks at the picture being held up.

"...How many of these pictures do you have...?"

"As long the Internet extends. I'm serious, there is a lot of sexualized Sima Yi pictures all over the Net. You can pass these around so your sons know you're a stripper, a model, and porn star. Yeah, we know about your porn career."

"AH! What?! I don't do that!"

"Hey, think of something, it has been done of you. I'm just looking all of the pictures..." Takasugi was holding a very very thick manila folder that is almost the size of an encyclopedia.

"Yeah, that's right, audience. I happen to have every fanart of Sima Yi as a folder. Why? Because his fanart is always the best since fangirls do everything for him. I mean, I found a picture of him as a Pikachu. That has not been done for anyone else besides him. And Cao Pi was Ash, go figure."

"Please... shut up and close that..."

"Sima Yi catching a puppy... Sima Yi as woman... Sima Yi being swung around by Zhang He like a frickin' top... Sima Yi as a baby... Sima Yi almost naked due to convenient censoring of his clothes..."

"Stop saying the descriptions of those pictures out loud!"

"Sima Yi enjoying his butt getting stepped on by Zhang Chunhua..."

"What? That's not how our relationship is at all!" (Sort of.)

"Ha-ha. Yeah, right. Sima Yi kissing Guo Huai..."

"WHAT?! I would never! I don't want to get whatever illness he has!"

"Sima Yi hugging a llama..."

"Huh? I guess that's not so bad..."

"Cao Pi trying to shoot Sima Yi with an arrow... But he misses... Damnit, Cao Pi! You had one job!"

"...I was? When did I do that...?"

"You were high."

"When was I high?!"

"Exactly."

"Sima Yi-Oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho! That is not safe here! Ah-oh-oh-ho-ho! NSFW alert! Oh! I guess everything else after this is NSFW."

"What were they?"

"Oh, come on. Do you really want to know?"

"...You're right..."

"It's you actually nude-"

"I said I don't need to know!"

"I don't know how this nude Zhang Chunhua pic got into this, but I'm not complaining. My organizer must have mixed the folders up." Zhang Chunhua goes and swipes away the picture away from Takasugi's hands.

"Where are you people getting pictures of me?!"

"Internet loves to Rule 34 everything. Oh my, there is this interesting picture of you and Sima Yi... I can't tell what are you two doing in this one... I can't tell if it is sex or a lap dance. Either way, Sima Yi is too damn lucky."

"Can you stop talking about these pictures now?"

"I wish! There are so many I can't stop looking at! You in South Park animation, you as some naked turd-duck, there's even you as Spongebob! Hahaha!" He faces the screen, "Yes, these exist. I wish I were making these up, but they do exist."

"Just stop, can you?"

"Yeah, yeah." A paper airplane flies and hits him in the cheek.

"Oh, perfect timing."

*Sigh* alright go home guys, I'm done trying this. *The hitmen leave*
And that sucks, because I can think of some interesting questions for Dong Zhuo. Either way, I'll try to avoid asking him from here on out.
And I'm 18... so it's not too creepy that I wanted to marry Yinping.

*Waves beer in front of Zhang Fei's face* what would you do to get this from me?
Zhao Yun, have you ever heard of Kain Highwind? I think you two would have an interesting conversation.
Gan Ning, do you ever miss being a pirate?

"Oh, then do you want me to play the priest again? I can do it again. I feel holy every time I do it."

"Ironic since you are very unholy."

Zhang Fei snatches the beer away and chugs it. He spits it out. "Pffoot! This is light beer! Give me real beer!" Zhao Yun shrugs at the next question, "Who's this Kain?"

"Just let me go through Google here..." Takasugi takes out his laptop and taps away.

"How many of those do you have? We keep on seeing them getting destroyed here."

"I have computer insurance."

"...That exists?"

"Ah! Got a picture. He looks like a blond Wen Yang, though... I guess you two could talk about the dragons on your armor. He has a dragon helmet and Yun's got a dragon shoulder pad. There isn't really much I have here... Next!" Gan Ning sits next to the wall and snores near it.

"Hey, get up."

"Nrrgh..."

"Do you miss being a pirate?"

"...Nrrgh... What?"

"Your pirate days?"

"Yeah, sure... I didn't have an old man following me around and bossing me then... All the wine... The booty... Me getting to meet Blackbeard..."

"Blackbeard didn't exist until the 1700s..."

"What? Who are you talking about? I met this guy named Blackbeard. He sailed from somewhere to here."

"Maybe your Blackbeard was someone else..."

"Since we're done. Let's talk about this picture of Sima Yi scaring off Sima Shi with a peach."

"Stop talking about those pictures! And since when did I scare Shi with a peach?!"

"There's this one where Sima Yi is posing for the "This is It" poster in his Micheal Jackson outfit."

"That wasn't a Micheal Jackson outfit... That was really his DLC "school" outfit."

"Fine, he can be Justin Timberlake. He can sing "Suit & Tie."

"His voice isn't that high enough."

"He can lip-sync it. Hmm... nah. That outfit is a pimp's. Sima Yi can be a pimp in that "school" outfit. Actually, his modern clothing all tend to be pimp suits. Such a shame Jin has only two women and one of them is not legal to him."

"Ever thought he could be Zimos from Saints Row the Third?"

"Yeah, Zimos! His DW8 modern job outfit would be perfect to be Zimos! All we need for him is that big pimp hat! His name will Simos! That sounds like a sumo team, but meh!" Sima Yi asks him, "What are you thinking about now?"

"Oh, nothing. Just me rambling about how stupid your hat looks now."

"I know you were not talking about it!"

"I'm pretty sure a pimp hat would like way better than that U.F.O on your head. Undesirable female object."

"What the hell does that even mean?!"

"Meaning even Lady Gaga won't wear that. Or any other women basically. They won't even get it for their dog. And you see people pimp out their dog with nails and nose jobs. It could also mean that hat can repel women. The only woman that it has no effect on is Zhang Chunhua. But I can tell it is slowly, slowly repelling her as we speak."

"..."