October 1, 1993
My beloved husband,
All the joy that I had from finding the town has disappeared. I've found you, and as I did my heart broke into pieces and I felt as if all of the happiness had been sucked from me.
It all started this morning.
I was having breakfast at Granny's with Emma. I stood up to get more napkins because Emma was making a mess with the maple syrup. And when I turned on my heels, I saw her. Regina. She was talking to our daughter, asking her all sorts of questions. Obviously, the Evil Queen was interested in our baby only because she didn't know who Emma was or where she came from. I walked towards Regina and greeted her with a cold smile. Her face went dark when she saw me and understood what was going on. I could still see it in her eyes: the hate and resentment she feels towards me. I believe I have the same look in my eyes now.
She asked me if I had found you, faking her interest in us. But I didn't buy it. I wanted to strangle her as she asked Emma about her daddy. But Emma was too naïve to understand that Regina just wanted to make us suffer. I thank God I don't have the power she used to have in our lands. Because if I had her magic, it'd have been impossible to restrain myself from ripping her heart out and crushing it until it is nothing but dust.
I kindly asked her to leave our table before I slapped her in front of all the good people of Storybrooke. As she was leaving, she said, "You'll never find him. Not the way you've been searching for him."
Wondering what she had said, I walked around the town, looking into places I'd not have looked. Abandoned streets, under the bridges, everywhere. As I walked down to the homeless shelter which was my last stop, I bumped into Rumpelstiltskin, who now goes by the name of Mr. Gold. He remembered me, and he seemed to know a lot about Emma. I begged him to give me some information, and he told me where you were, at the hospital.
I left Emma with Granny and went to look for you. I found you lying on a bed, hooked to several machines. You were practically lifeless. For a moment only, the beeping sounds of your machines were the only thing I could hear. Everything else was just silent. I watched you through a glass wall, wanting to enter into your room and kiss you. Wanting to wake you up. But the doctor didn't let me. He said you are in a coma.
All of my hopes and dreams were shattered at that point. My happy ending with you will not happen.
I can't tell Emma. You should see how excited she is to meet you. How will I explain that her daddy is not coming to her birthday? That you won't teach her how to play baseball? I simply can't. Ever since we arrived this town, Emma has had a huge smile on her face, and you should see how she brightens up when I tell her the stories of everyone in Storybrooke.
What should I do? I can't tell her but I can't keep pretending that everything is alright.
Snow