Candles

Christmas morning, she wakes him before he's ready. The wedding had gone late into the night and while he doesn't sleep much, he can't lie and say he hadn't been exhausted. But she's wearing her serious face, so he climbs from the bed and pulls his clothes on.

Sometimes, when he looks back on their month together, he looks at everything she's shared. He looks at all the pieces of her life he's collected in twenty-five days and he feels honoured and blessed in ways he hasn't in a very long time. When it comes down to it, he needs her; he knows that now, values it and wants to keep it wrapped tight to his chest.

So he keeps to himself as they get ready, tries not to be disturbed by how utterly somber and sad Kensi is for a morning that should be filled with happiness and joy. He gets her coffee while she showers, manages to keep from dismantling her toaster oven while he waits anxiously and then climbs in the passenger's seat of her SUV. She drives and drives and drives, out of the chaos that is Los Angeles and then further. When they eventually stop, it's in a clearing in what Callen can only call a forest.

Still, he lets her lead.

She needs this, he's realized, whatever this is. Whatever it is they're doing it's important to her, so even though he wants to reach for her, protect her from whatever it is that has her so obviously upset, he lets her lead. And is rewarded when she slides her arm around his waist, pulls him into her side as they walk.

"It's called a memory garden," she says in a low murmur as she leads him down a well-worn path. "It's not as striking in daylight but I can't come at night."

He doesn't get it. Not until they finally step into a massive clearing that is utterly scattered with tiny tea lights. Some are burning, some have obviously burnt themselves out. He can imagine it, he thinks, when it's totally dark, the whole place only lit by flickering flames. She slides a bill into a box and carefully counts out four of the tiny candles.

"It's a pretty easy idea," she says. "I can't remember when I found it. I think Jack brought me here. Before."

Before everything.

He has to run a hand down her back, has to offer her some sort of comfort. It's so painfully obvious that this hurts her. He opens his mouth to ask, to try and wrap his head around why she does this when it hurts her so much. She beats him to it.

"You light a candle for everyone who can't be with you for Christmas," she says, and there's only a little hitch to her voice. She holds out the candles, swallows thickly. "Four."

It breaks his heart. Four people that can't be with her for the holidays. His chest feels full, aches with the pain that's so obvious in her shaking hands.

"Kens-"

She shakes her head and leans down, lights each candle from one already flickering in the gentle breeze. She reaches for his hand and he can't keep himself from weaving his fingers between hers.

"My dad always used to say that love is patient and kind, that it never requires you to right wrongs, never keeps track of the bad things. You can just depend on it; know that it'll always be there no matter what. That it just endures all the good and all the bad. It's just there. It never wavers, it never fails."

She pulls him closer, wraps herself around him. He holds her back, aware of too much, of pain and grief and a dreadful loneliness he feels less acutely when he buries his face in her hair.

"Why four?" he asks quietly, can't help it.

"My dad," she begins. "Jack. Laura. Owen."

He swallows. One of those names sticks with him, a man who is still alive. A man whose candle could be non-existent. So he has to ask.

"Do you ever think about going back?"

"Sorry?"

Callen looks away. His chest is tight, too tight, because her answer to this matters more than he's willing to admit outloud. He thinks maybe this is a make or break moment and he doesn't quite understand why. "To Jack. Do you ever think about going back?"

"You mean finding him? No."

He's a little surprised she doesn't even have to think about it.

"I did. Try, I mean. In the early days. I mean, I respected the whole needing to get away thing but then after a while… I couldn't keep myself from it."

Well that's a sentiment Callen can understand at least. Sometimes he checks up on old teammates, old flames. Not often. More often he checks up on his archenemies in foreign prisons. Nature of the job though.

"I almost contacted him too. But, I couldn't. It wasn't what he wanted. And I hadn't moved, nothing had changed. He could have always found me."

Yeah, what an idiot. PTSD or not, Callen thinks that if it was Kensi helping him heal, he most certainly wouldn't even think about walking away.

He hears her chuckle and cannot believe those are words he'd said aloud. When he looks at her, she shrugs.

"I don't know if he was an idiot," she says. "Either way, he made his choice." She slides a hand tentatively over his waist until her arm is wrapped around him. "And I like to think I've moved on."

The smile blossoms across his face slowly, and then all at once, a bright beaming thing that hurts his cheeks. "I shouldn't be your choice."

"Huh," she retorts, pinching his hip. "Guess it's a good thing it's not up to you then."

It's not and he knows that, loud and clear. He can't let her go. He won't let her go. Ins and outs, ups and downs, Kensi Blye will be a woman he fights for.

"Come on," he says before the emotion can make him do something stupid. "I'll buy you chocolate."

They leave the garden the same way they came, arm-in-arm, together.

Twenty-five days ago, he couldn't have anticipated meeting a woman like Kensi. Now he can't wait to start a new year with her.

End.

And that's all she wrote folks! Thank you from the absolute bottom of my heart and soul for sticking with me through all of this. You are all wonderful, fabulous people and I could not have finished this without you. Every review pushed me harder, every alert made me dig deeper and I hope, now that we're at the end, you are just as satisfied as I am.

(Before I get the questions, I never have any idea if I'm going to write more Callen/Kensi or not. They have a habit of sneaking up on me and the next thing I know, I'm writing a 25 chapter fic on how their relationship builds in a month. He's to hoping I get to them again soon!)