I had to calm down, since I inherited the raging hormones of my still physically 17 year old father, I had anxiety problems, and sometimes anger management, not the kind of anger where you get all worked up and yell and scream, (that's Edward's area of expertise) but the kind of anger at the world and being moody all the time. And since I was 'skipping merrily' today I really couldn't blame Emmett for thinking I was on drugs. When I was smaller I used to shut myself out, I mean more than I do now, from my family, my poor parents even considered a philologist, which I thought was pretty funny.
But of coarse my dear sister and brother, Edward and Bella, knew that they couldn't send me because I was so little I still figured that humans knew that vampires existed, I guess they hoped I would grow out of it, which I did, but not a lot, I mean their lucky I even still talk to Emmett after the 'where do babies come from' talk when I was four. I was waiting for Alex sitting on window seat in the white living room, meditating, so I wouldn't have a spaz on my angel. My eyes were closed and I was humming a tuneless song, my knees were pulled up to my chest. I know, I sound like a complete nutcase but this calmed me down and I had to do whatever necessary to calm myself for fear of Alex's poor shaky nerves.
Okay, so I was meditated enough, where was my Alex? Was he kidnapped? Did he suddenly crash in an accident? OH, NO! Wait, hold on, I'm getting to worked up, calm yourself, Evelyn, remember that Alex is a slow driver. Take deep easy breaths and relax, damn my father's intense hormones! I went through the little exorcises Carlisle made up for me, for when I was feeling worried or angry for no apparent reason. I heard the sounds of a car outside, I took another deep breath, said my "see yas!" to my vampire family and walked steadily to Alex's mother's car.
I could see Alex in the driver's seat through the windshield, he looked completely zoned out, too pale for a human to be, and unhealthily tired. Now, I couldn't help but show the worry on my face. I opened the passenger door and ducked in to the small car, I inhaled the scent of mint chocolates and cinnamon, which doesn't sound like a good combination but it smelled good to me. Alex was wringing his still trembling hands in his lap, and he didn't seem to notice my presence in the car. I carefully reached up to brush the black hair that wasn't hidden inside his hat out of his face, leaving my palm to his cheek. Alex jumped at the touch of my cold fingers, then he realized who was stroking his cheek. He looked around surprised, bringing his shaky hand to mine and pressing down, looking with his deep grey eyes into my worried bright green ones.
"Hi" he whispered, "hi," I was more anxious now than I was when I thought he got abducted back in the house, and that was saying something. We sat there another moment, looking into each other's eyes, "Where do you want to go today?" I loved that we had no plan for today, totally unpredictable and that's the way I liked it. "I don't know." I answered as we started driving, the mood was lighter now, but I was still worried as hell, a.) I was worried for Alex's health, and b.) I was worried that he'll lose control of the wheel because of his shaking and kill himself. That last thought was dreadful, never mind my life I got to live for an eternity but my angel only had one lifetime.
Ew, I felt uncomfortable, my mom made me put on a pad just in case I had an accident , I really hated tampons, my lower stomach was starting to cramp, ahg! Alex was just driving along in his own little world not speaking, this made me more anxious, if you can imagine that. "Do you want to go to the general store?" Alex asked, unexpectedly after a while of silence. Alex never failed to surprise me, he just asked flat out questions like that, you never could predict when, and like I said before that's the way I liked it. "Yes." I answered, I didn't want to disturb his thinking, his hands were tight around the steering wheel, probably to control the awful shakes that took over his body, the shakes that I didn't understand.
Alex pulled up to the small general store, it looked like a cabin, it reminded me of Appalachia and Emmett's old childhood stories from a completely different generation, the past always fascinated me, that's why I was gifted with my visions. "It reminds me of Appalachia," I said softly, as Alex's shaking hand took mine, I squeezed on tight to him, moving closer to his side. "Does it? Tell me." He said shortly, but from his tone I could tell he was interested, I looked into his tired eyes once more, and traced the hollow under them. I guessed he was too out of it to speak in full sentences, but through my story, as zoned out as he appeared, I knew he was listening to every word.
We entered the comfortable stuffy general store, it smelled like beef jerky and old wood, another smell I liked, for some strange reason that smell reminded me of Emmett to, probably because of our time in Appalachia and his stories, Emmett was a good story teller, like those grandfathers who tell lots of stories and claim they caught a fish the size of a little girl on one of their memorable fishing trips. Alex and I looked around, Alex insisted that we each pick out a candy and some coco-cola, that they served in those old glass soda bottles, because he said that I wouldn't have a good first time experience in here if I didn't, and I just couldn't say no to that.
We walked passed the newspaper racks, with all the colorful magazines and housing advertisement booklets, and the forks newspaper. A man with a brown beard and a raincoat was reading the front page of the Forks newspaper, and talking to the old tiny cashier at the same time. "It's a real shame." said the bearded man, shaking his head, looking down at his boots. "She was so young, the little thing, her poor mother." said the small cashier, sadly. They both looked up at us, "Alex!" the bearded man rejoiced, though still looking sad. I supposed he saw Alex's shaking hands and the bags under his eyes. "How are you doing, dear boy?" Asked the cashier seriously, I couldn't put together their conversation.
"I'm fine thank you." said my angel, tiredly, as though he was asked that question a lot, "Did you hear about the little Mandy girl?" asked the bearded man, solemnly to Alex. "No, what happened to her?" asked Alex, anxious now. "She died, last night, poor little girl," said the cashier, sadly "I know her parents." Alex looked devastated, I rubbed his arm for comfort. "Did you know her?" asked the bearded man, "No," Alex said distantly, "How old?" he asked, The cashier sighed, "only 5 years old." Alex, still shaky, and still looking sad, paid for our candy.
Alex's trembling hands led me out of the store, but he was walking in the wrong direction not to the car, but to the woods across the dirt road, "Alex, where are we going?" I gasped, out of breath, for he was walking fast, it was hard to keep up. "To the river." he answered, his voice cracked. Seeing him like this pained me. Alex lead me far into the path in the woods, where we finally reached a pool of water, it was peaceful, and there was a big rock you could climb on in the middle of the crystal clear pool of water. Alex walked slowly to the rock, let go of me hand and turned away towards the water. "Alex, I," I had, for the second time in two days had no idea what to say to him. "IT'S NOT FAIR!" he shouted, his voice echoing around the woods, it was loud and it startled me.
"She didn't have to die!" he said a little more calmly, but still loudly. He was talking about the little Mandy girl. I got up from the rock and reached up high on my tippy toes to wrap my arms around his shoulders. "She had her whole life." he whispered, arranging himself so that I was hugging his waist instead of his high shoulders. " Doesn't get the chance to fall in love, or get married, or have kids." he whispered, his eyes were watering and his face turned away from mine. I lead Alex over to the rock to sit down. I found that I also was crying, because I just realized that Alex wasn't talking about the little girl anymore. "Alex," I whispered, brokenly "Alex, you're not talking of the little girl anymore are you?" The tears were coming hard and fast now, no, not Alex, not him! He turned to face me now, his shaky hands grasping mine. "No, I'm not anymore." I had to put up a great effort not to start sobbing, I didn't know what was wrong with him. "what is it?" I whispered "You can tell me anything." Alex then placed his hands on either side of my face, "You know I love you, right?" He said with meaning. "Yes, of coarse I do, and I love you." he nodded. "Evelyn, I… I'm sick, I have cancer, and it's getter bad." Tears were now streaming down his face as well as mine. I then broke out into those sobs I'd been holding back, he pulled me too his chest. No, not him, not my Alex.