December 15, 2012

Dear Journal,

It has been another twenty days since I talked to Edward. I see him around the hospital all the time. He smiles at me but then walks away. At least he isn't ignoring me completely. He asked me what I was waiting on. I don't know. I am waiting for some sort of sign I guess. One that just jumps out and says that I am meant to be a girl with a boy. Everyone tells me I am over thinking it way too much but they didn't have my childhood. The way I see it, he would be my boyfriend, then maybe my husband, then the father of my children. That is my problem. I would probably suck at the mother part and did I want to subject a kid to my non existent mothering skills? Edward was born to be a father, he probably had June Cleaver as a mother. I, on the other hand, had Cruella Devile. Angela said that if she could be a mother then surely, so could I. I reminded her, she wasn't a mother yet, so I would refrain judgment until then.

OMG! The baby beeper just went off! Gotta go. My best friend is going to become a mother.

Rule # 21 Miracles Are Few And Far In Between. To Be Witness To One Is An Honor. Cherish It And Recognize It For What It Is.

"Hey, I hurried as fast as I could!" I panted as I rushed into Angela's room. She laid there looking amused. I paused. "Why aren't you in pain?" I asked.

Ben laughed and flipped through his magazine.

"Thanks Bella, I love you, too. Glad to know you want me in pain. My water broke and Major Ass here wanted me to come straight here. I wanted to wait at home." She said with a glare.

"Looks like Major Ass…I mean Ben, won." I laughed with an apologetic look at Ben. He just smiled.

"Yes, so here I am, stuck here for hours on end when I could have labored at home and then walked across the street when I hit seven centimeters." She grumbled.

"And I told her I wasn't an obsetrician and neither was she and I wasn't sticking my fingers up there to check progress when I am paying a perfectly good doctor to do so."

"Ass." She hissed.

I laughed until she turned her glare on me.

"Sorry." I said clearing my throat and taking a seat on the opposite side of her bed. I looked at her intently.

"Will you stop staring at me?" She asked.

"I am waiting." I said.

"For what? Do you think I am going to start performing circus acts? It's a baby and I am only at three, so it will be a while. I told him not to page you yet. You could've gotten some sleep."

"And risked missing this? Never." I said sincerely.

She smiled at me and then sucked in a breath. I looked at the toco meter and saw that is was at 105.

"You are having a contraction." I told her.

"You think?" She yelled. She grabbed my hand and squeezed the life out of it.

OuchOuchOuch!

I wisely kept my mouth shut.

A few minutes went by and then another sucked in breath, panting and irritating insults thrown at Ben and myself.

Then again.

Then again.

"This is getting annoying." She said.

"You think?" I threw her words back at her.

Her answering glare told me to shut up. So I did.

Three hours later, a Dr. Womack showed up.

"Looks like our contractions are getting stronger." She said cheerfully. All three of us glared at her.

"Let's just check to see where we are." She checked her progress quickly. "We are at seven. We should have a baby in less than an hour." She smiled as she left.

"Who the hell was that?" I asked.

"The doctor he picked out." She said, throwing a glare at Ben.

"She came very highly recommended." He defended.

"By who? Those who speak in plural?" I asked.

"Too late now. The baby is coming. We need someone to catch." He pointed out.

"Hell, I could do that." I pointed out. "It's nothing I haven't seen before."

His raised eyebrow had me thowing my pillow at him.

"Not like that, you perv." I laughed.

Angela's sucked in breath told us that we needed to get serious.

Twenty minutes later, I pressed the nurse call button.

"Get Dr. What's Her Face in here. We have a baby coming." I ordered.

"Right away, Dr. Swan."

"How are we doing?" Dr. Womack asked, smiling.

Angela was bent over, glaring at her.

"I think that she is ready to push." I said.

Dr. Womack blinked.

"And why do you think that, Miss…"

"Dr. Swan." I said, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you an OB?" She asked.

"No. I am a neurosurgeon."

"Then again, I ask you, why do you think that?"

"Because it doesn't take a brain surgeon to see that. Oh wait, I am one and apparently it did." I said.

"Can we please focus on me?" Angela said, her face scrunched up in pain.

I threw another glare at Dr. Womack and rushed to Angela's side.

"Well let us take a look and see what is going on?"

I rolled my eyes.

She is having a baby, duh.

"Okay we are at nine. We can start pushing now." She pushed the nurse call button and asked for the Peds crew to come in. Two nurses also rushed in.

We helped to place Angela in the correct position and then with Ben and I flanking her, holding her legs, she started to push.

"Okay, there we go."

"Will you stop with the we? There is no we. There is me, pushing this huge ass kid out. You are there to catch. So shut up and do your job!" Angela screamed.

I smirked but kept my mouth shut.

Dr. Womack shot her a dirty look but concentrated on her job.

Twenty eight minutes later, Angela had a baby.

A very gooey, dark haired, red, screaming baby. It changed colors three times. Were they supposed to do that?

I watched the doctor place the baby in Angela's arms and I watched my best friend fall deeply and completely in love.

I stepped back and watched Ben envelop them both safely in his arms. I felt like I was intruding on a private moment.

Until Angela looked up at me with love still shining in her eyes.

"Come meet your god daughter." She said.

I made my way over to them and looked down. Her dark eyes locked with mine, though her gaze was unfocused. I brushed my finger over her downy cheek.

"Hi." I whispered. "I am your Aunt Bella."

I looked at Angela.

"You did good." I praised.

"Yeah, I did, huh?" She grinned.

I looked back down at the baby.

"What's her name?" I asked.

"Kamryn Marie Cheney. Her middle name is after you." She said.

I looked back up at her.

"I don't deserve that." I whispered.

"I don't know anyone who deserves it more."

"I am going to let you guys rest. I will be back later." I said.

They both nodded, their eyes never leaving their daughter.

I took one last look at my best friend's family…

Then it clicked.

Everything just became so clear in my mind.

I wanted that. I wanted to be a 'we'.

And I wanted that with Edward.

Question was…

Did Edward want that with me?

Only one way to find out.

I turned off my car and looked at his dark trailer.

Of course it was dark, it was 4am. I looked down at what was in my hand and then got out of the car. I rushed up to his door and pounded on it.

Finally I heard heavy footsteps and then the door ripped open.

"This better be good." He growled. His eyes suddenly focused on me. "Bella? It's the middle of the night. Are you okay?"

I took in his matted mess of a hair and his blue cotton pajama pants and his gray T shirt and I ached for him. I told myself to stay calm and to see this through.

"Yes. No. I don't know. You let me take my time and I think, no, I know, what I want. But I need you to take some time to decide what you want."

"Bella…"

"Let me finish. When I do this, I want to do this for…forever. I know there are no quarantees, but I am still asking for one." I thrust the book that was in my hand into his. "Read this. Take your time. I am not going anywhere. I just pray that you say the same." I smiled at him through and placed my hand on his cheek. "I will see you soon Edward."

I turned and walked away, feeling for the first time that things might just come down on the side of the Dirty Mistress.

Just this once.

God, please, just this once.

Thanks for all the reviews. I want to address one in particular. To the anonymous person who thinks I represented myself and this story when I put it as a humorous romance, I'm sorry, but it does have a lot of humor in it (or so I think but what do I know. I'm just the writer). I have also said that this Bella is a whore. Again, no surprise. Sorry, if you don't like it but there are 150,000 more Twilight fanfictions out there that may better suit your needs. And everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect them all IF you have the decency to sign in and not hide behind a quest review. Just my thoughts! :)