I'm back from vacation! Vancouver was really great and Whistler was even better. Thanks for being so patient :)

Chapter Twenty-Four

Opening her eyes, Blair stared at the wall a few feet away from her and sighed. It had been four days since Chuck had discovered the truth about what had happened between her and Nate and checked himself out of the hospital. He was recovering from a gunshot wound and major surgery but the pain of her betrayal was far worse. She had searched through Manhattan high and low, but not a single person had heard from him ever since that day. It was as if Chuck had vanished into thin air, his disappearance similar to the year before after his father had died.

Rising to sit on her mattress, she ran a hand through her messy hair and let out a shaky breath. Crying herself to sleep every night, she was beyond worried that his weak body would suffer even further physical damage by leaving the hospital so quickly.

"Blair," Serena's voice interrupted her depressing thoughts.

Lifting her face, Blair stared at her friend with red, puffy eyes.

"Sweetie," Serena expressed, rushing towards her and pulling her into a tight embrace. "You have to stop doing this, Blair. You haven't eaten a single thing the past four days."

"It doesn't matter."

"Well, the news I have might change your mind," Serena began as Blair looked up, a small spark shining in her eyes. "Gossip Girl just sent a blast twenty minutes go. Chuck's back in New York."

"What?" Blair asked before jumping to her feet. "He's here?"

"Yeah, he just checked back into his suite," Serena replied with a sad smile.

As a huge grin covered her face, Blair rushed to her dresser and began fixing her hair and makeup.

"What are you going to do?" Serena asked, slowly rising to her feet.

"I'm going to go to him and apologize and tell him I love him," she replied, a newfound strength and courage in her voice.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No," Blair replied and spun around. "I need to do this alone."

Grabbing her purse and coat, she ran out of her bedroom as Serena watched her go. Within fifteen minutes, she was standing outside his suite, nervously staring at the door. Taking a deep breath and fixing her hair a final time, she raised her hand and gently knocked on the door. She heard nothing but silence before Chuck's quiet voice told her to come in. Biting her lower lip, she twisted the knob and pushed open the door. The second she was inside, her eyes caught hold of Chuck's and she froze. He was sitting on the sofa across from her, dressed in a black suit with a mop of unkempt hair on his head. He watched her without blinking as she closed the door, crossed the room and slowly approached him.

"Hi," she managed to say.

When she was a mere few feet away, she stopped and fully took in his features. His eyes were red and his body appeared exhausted.

"Where have you been?" she asked quietly.

His hard gaze was enough of a response and she bit her lower lip again.

"Have you checked in with your doctor?" she continued. "You disappeared for four days after having major surgery."

When he remained quiet, Blair closed the distance between them and sat down on the wooden coffee table in front of him.

"Chuck…," she began but he moved back in his seat and put distance between them.

Hurt by his move, Blair clasped her hands together on her lap and gazed at him through tearful eyes.

"I'm sorry," she cried as he looked down. "I was wrong and I hate myself for what I did. I thought that you were cheating on me but it's no excuse, I know that. I'm so sorry. Do you believe me?"

"I know you're sorry, Blair," he said and finally looked up at her. "But sorry isn't enough."

"Then tell me what I have to do to fix it," she exclaimed, tears rolling down the sides of her cheeks. "Whatever it is, tell me and I'll do it."

When he didn't respond, she leapt forward and embraced him tightly. Whispering her apologies in his ear, she clung onto his body as he peeled her arms away.

"Blair, you made out with my best friend," he pointed out, his words forcing her to move back. "And not when we were apart or things between us were bad. We've been together in a proper relationship for over five months and at the first sign of trouble, you ran off with Nate."

"I know…," she cried but he cut her off.

"Two years ago after the Cotillion, when you and I got into a fight, you ran to Nate and slept with him. Last year, when things between us were bad, you ran to Nate again and had an actual relationship with him."

"I know…," she repeated, unable to say anything else.

"Last week, you got this crazy idea in your head that I was cheating on you and instead of confronting me, you went to him again," he continued before sighing. "When I was getting shot because of your father, because I was doing everything I could to help him for you, you and Nate were going at it again."

"I'm sorry," was all she could say.

"If this would have happened last year, I would have forgiven you because last year, I was a complete mess," he explained as they gazed into one another's eyes. "I was so afraid to commit myself to you that I left you to go to Tuscany by yourself. And when you returned and shoved Marcus in my face, I tried everything I could to get you back but things never seemed to work out. And then my father died and you told me you loved me for the first time. Hearing you say those words meant more to me than you'll ever know but my mind was all over the place, Blair. It wasn't until that moment when I stood by my car waiting for you, flowers and gifts in hand, that I was finally willing to give myself to you completely and I did. You had my heart, my soul and my body and what kills me more than anything isn't the fact that you cheated on me with Nate. I mean, that's just the cherry on top of the cake. What hurts the most, Blair, is that you had such little faith in me and in my love for you."

She listened to him speak, unable to form any sort of response as her tears continued to stream out of her eyes.

"I know that you're sorry," he said, his voice softening. "You asked me where I was the past four days. I went to Tuscany and rented the same villa I had gotten us two summers ago. I just sat there and I tried to come up with some reason why you'd do this and to tell you the truth, Blair, I couldn't come up with any. Have I given you any reason to doubt me these past few months other than what you thought I was doing behind your back?"

"No," she whispered.

"Then why the hell didn't you just come to me?" he snapped, his voice growing angry again. "Why didn't you yell at me or slap me?"

"We can get past this," she said weakly, but her own voice sounded unconvinced.

He stared at her for a long moment, taking a deep, calming breath before speaking.

"For the longest time, the only person I depended on was myself," he explained. "Bart and I never had a good relationship, I never had a mother or any siblings and my friendship with Nate was often rocky and one-sided. So it was just me…until that night in the back of my limo. And it was like I finally wasn't alone anymore. Chuck Bass, the proverbial Park Avenue bad boy with a laundry list of faults and sins…and I finally found someone who showed me that I wasn't destined to live the rest of my life alone. You did that, Blair. You gave me light when all I had was dark. You gave me a reason to carry on when all I wanted to do was drown myself in the cloud of misery and hate surrounding me. You pulled me over the edge when all I wanted to do was jump. You did that, Blair, and then you threw it all away. All those talks of trusting each other and not keeping any secrets were nothing but lies because when the crucial moment came, you didn't trust me. The only difference between then and now is that now, I don't trust you."

"Chuck, I love you so much that it hurts…all the time," she expressed, unable to hold back her tears. "But when you left me to go to Tuscany alone, it broke my heart. When you refused to tell me you loved me at the White Party, it broke me in half. When you disappeared after your father's funeral, you tore me into a thousand pieces."

He looked down at her words, the sadness he was feeling showing in his eyes.

"I am so, so sorry for what I did," she cried. "But we've both done things that we aren't proud of."

"And where does that leave us, Blair?" he asked, the exhaustion he was feeling sounding through his words. "We keep hurting each other until there's nothing left?"

When she didn't respond, he shook his head and his face grew hard.

"You should go."

"Chuck," she cried, the pain in her voice breaking his heart.

"Just go," he repeated, a sudden coldness entering his voice.

Hurt by his rejection, she slowly rose to her feet and walked towards the door. Glancing back at him, she watched as he lowered his eyes and stared at the ground beneath his feet.

"I love you," she whispered before walking out of the suite and shutting the door behind her.

The moment she was gone, Chuck lowered his hands to his suddenly trembling legs. Leaning back in his seat, he pressed his hand on the sharp pain in his chest and released a shaky breath.