First of all, thanks everyone for all your support! I like to announce that "The Guardian" is going to end soon! The ending will be open, because I think that in this story a part of Saber's life has closed. Therefore, I'm planning to continue her story within a new story, with a new title, etc. I plan to have my own plot in the next story, and there'll be a lot of AU en OC's. Also, OC Cain will have an important role, as Flemeth will get a more important role in the next story.
So, I hope you guys will continue supporting me! Thanks again and I hope you'll enjoy the last pieces of "The Guardian"!
The Guardian
Chapter 25
Memories II
Together in all these memories
I see your smile
All the memories I hold dear
Darling, you know I love you till the end of time
(:.:)
Pacing, Saber realized everything now. Aidan had left her soon after the whole revaluation. The fact that Cain died by a force that wasn't from the Templers had horrified her more than anything. The fact that her instinct said that everything was somehow connected with each other.
Sitting down on a chair, she looked into nothing but the darkness of the small room. Biting down on her nail of her thump, feeling her forehead being strained by the pressure she was pushing on it, Saber thought everything over. The room was cold, and became colder with the minute. Everything was connected with each other. Those words were repeated continuously in her mind.
Standing up, she rushed towards the door and opened it. She couldn't sit still, as she felt herself restless. Leaning against the wall next to her door, Saber closed her eyes. The last year of her life has been hectic. Everything around her was even more chaotic than normally. The high room across her lighted the room a little with the stars and the moon in the sky. If she only-
"There you are!" A voice interrupted in her trail of thoughts.
She snapped her eyes open. Feeling a bit stunned at the interruption, she looked at the person before her, but it took a moment before she realised who it was.
"Varric." She stated. Her voice was plain, but Saber herself knew that she was truly surprised.
The dwarf looked at her with a wide grin. "I've been searching for you. Thought you would want some company, and well, we decided that we all should play Wicked Grace again."
With a unemotional expression, Saber looked at him. Even though the dwarf was having an casual look on his face, she could see the worries he was having. Deep down in her, Saber knew he was trying to cheer her up, and somehow, the idea that there was at least one person in the world who tried to cheer her up was… comfortable.
But on the other hand… the feeling of shame crept in her. Saber had abandoned them. She had spoken harsh, unjustified words at them. How could she ever face them?
"I… shall think about it." She spoke softly. After a moment, Varric merely nodded and departed.
As Saber watched him leaving, she felt the longing to return to those days again. When they would play Wicked Grace around an table, drinking, telling the best stories and then laugh again. In the last year she had known more joy than she had since the death of Cain.
She looked back at the window. It was as if she had stopped living, when Cain had died. That she stopped caring for anything in this world. As if she had died alongside Cain.
And then, they came. Throwing her life in one big whirlpool. A bunch of people, so different from each other, yet they were such a close and strong bonded group. Saber could almost relate their group as a… family. Whatever the other did, somehow, they find each other again and again. And they fight for each other, again and again. And they had fought for her too now. She still couldn't understand why they would go after her. Why they went for so much trouble in finding her, and save her from whatever-ritual Gastan and the Archon were planning.
Pushing herself from the wall, she walked away. This feeling of loneliness… it needs to end now.
(:.:)
As Saber came closer to the room Varric told her they were, she could hear the laughter and talking becoming louder.
"And Anders? How does it feel to work with Templers?" Isabela asked snickering. "Must have been awkward talk between you and the Knight-Captain!"
"The irony has not escaped me…" Anders growled back, making them laugh again. "Just as the irony didn't escaped me when I healed a Templar and- Ah, Andraste's bullocks! I lost again!"
"Pay up, Blondie. Throw that silver of yours on the table. Come one, everyone in!"
The sound of falling pieces of money on the table ringlet filled the silence.
"If I lose one more game, then I'm forced to place my clothes on the damned table." Aveline grumbled.
"Hey, remember that time when we played strip poker?" Hawke said through his laughter and the sound of laughter was heard again.
Saber stood outside. It felt wrong to interrupt this. It wasn't… as if she really belonged there, right? Saber turned around, and stepped away from the room's light. Sinking deep in her thoughts again, she didn't notice the hurried sounds of running footsteps towards her.
"Hey, wait up, Saber! You're not really leaving already?"
Flinching visible, Saber was taken by surprise at the chirping female voice. Turning around, she saw the posture of Merrill before her. She didn't responded on the elf, but after a moment stepped into the room with Merrill.
Saber could see their surprised faces. Confused, she wondered why they were looking so surprised at her. Varric must have informed- wait. With a small glare she looked at the dwarf who had a smug smile on his face. Damn that dwarf.
Clearing her throat, she looked down on the ground with her eyes avoiding theirs.
"If my presence is unwanted, then-"
"Nah, come join on the table. The more, the merrier." Hawke's deep rumbling voice broke their silence.
Looking up, Saber looked at Hawke with surprised eyes. The Champion of Kirkwall had an inviting expression on his face. He gestured to the empty chair next Sebastian, and then locked his eyes back on the hand of cards he had.
Hesitantly, she walked over to the chair and sat down. It all felt very awkward. The sudden jolly atmosphere immediately changed into an heavy, serious presence.
"Want to join us, Saber?" Varric asked, and gestured to the deck of cards on the table. She was going to say no, but Varric interrupted her immediately by saying: "Of course you want to! Everyone, hand in those cards!"
With grumbles and growls, the cards were back on the deck, as Varric shuffled the cards again. Throwing the cards at each person at the table, she stared with an broody demander at the cards landed before her. She was already regretting the fact she was here. Saber gathered the cards in her hands, and looked at the pictures without really thinking what they could mean.
Everything is connected with each other…
"Hey, wanna drink?"
Saber nodded and accepted the mug of ale. Normally she didn't really like the taste of alcohol, but the idea of drinking was welcoming. She took a big sip from her drink and felt the alcohol immediately slam in her system.
Silently, Saber reached in her pocket for coin and she threw a couple of silvers on the table. That was the only thing she had brought her attention on for the game. For the rest, she merely stared at her cards without really anticipating the game. The cards didn't even make any sense to her.
As she heard a couple of sounds when the group was starting to talk again, she just merely stared vacantly at the cards.
Everything is connected…
Everything is connected…
The murder of her Mother, the Hero of Ferelden, the dark ritual of Morrigan, Cain's death… the soothsayer… Gaston and Nomaran… Perhaps even the Blight in Ferelden, and everything around it. Perhaps even this Templar-mage war. Perhaps even the question she had asked her whole life: Who am I?
Everything is connected. And the answers to those connections is laying in…
"My memories…" she spoke out loud, before even realizing she was talking.
"Beg your pardon, what?" slurred the Pirate with an annoyed voice.
Surprised Saber looked up at her, but gestured it away with a simple movement with her hand. Hearing the annoyed sigh of the pirate, she grumbled something underneath her breath.
Her memories. See had seen who has killed her mother. She had seen it, but she couldn't remember who it was. The feeling of frustration boiled up in her.
Suddenly, she felt something hitting her head. It was a sharp tick on her head, and she saw an cork had hit her. Saber looked up and saw Isabela looking at her with an annoyed look.
"Hey, we've been calling out for you!" She said offended.
"Forgive me…" Saber mumbled and looked back at her cards.
"Are you in, or what?"
Without saying much else, Saber reached in her pocket and took an handful of coin. She threw it on the table. The coin fell down on the table with loud noises.
Anders whistled impressive as she looked at the coin. "Someone is eager to lose money."
Looking it more carefully, she noticed that she had at least put one sovereign in. With a furrowed brown she looked at her mistake. With a grimace she looked back at her cards. She decided that she should just win this round. Looking more focused on the cards, she saw how bad her hand actually was.
"Andraste's flaming ass…" She cursed.
"What? Suck in Wicked Grace?" mocked Isabela with her wide cattish grin.
"Shut up, wench…" she growled softly, and Saber kept her eyes on the cards.
The pirate snorted, but kept her mouth. There was that awkward silence again. Nobody spoke a word. Grimacing, Saber touched with her right hand her bundle with coin. It had lost half of its contains already.
"Alright. All in." Fenris spoke, breaking the silence. Saber looked up when she heard his voice.
Accidently she searched his gaze. She saw how the green emerald eyes of Fenris found hers. Saber felt a feeling of surprise and shock when she found him staring at her. She could tell that Fenris was feeling the same as he flinched when their eyes met. Both of them looked away from each other. Saber hastily placed more coin on the table and much to her dismay.
"Heh, feeling lucky today, elf?" Varric said as he looked at the pile of money on the table.
Fenris merely snorted when the dwarf mocked him, but the small smile was playing on his lips.
"So Saber," Hawke said. Drawing her attention, she looked up at Hawke. "I heard you had quite some stories."
With a shrug, Saber looked back at her hand. "I suppose."
At that Hawke chuckled. "Although, half of it is bullshit. I heard you're Ferelden too. Where do you come from?"
"Amaranthine." Saber answered curtly. But then she frowned. "No… I was born in a small village near the border of Orlais. I… don't remember the name though."
"Really? I bet you can speak Orleasians then. Everyone one, in again." The sound of coin falling down on the table was heard again.
"… no. Not really. I only lived there when I was ten." Saber said and made it sound that it was the end of the complete conversation.
"I bet that you went straight to Denerim." Hawke said. At that Saber looked up at him. Her eyes were wide, but Hawke didn't look at her and casually took a sip from his drink. "You know, being a princess and all…"
"Don't believe it." Saber said curtly. "I'm just as much a princess, as much as you are the Champion, Hawke. Perhaps my position is standing on a piece of paper, but that's it."
"Aren't you the heir for the throne then?" Hawke continued with asking.
"Believe me. I'm not." snorted Saber, as she placed more money on the table.
"So you're not daddy's girl?" Isabela said with a grumble as she frowned at the cards she had in her hands. Saber felt herself becoming more comfortable, even though they were asking annoying questions.
"I don't have that kind of bond with the King. For all I see it, I'm more one of his subjects than his daughter." At that she let out a small laugh and shook her head. "No, I was dumped in Amaranthine. Got occasionally a letter, and that's it."
Anders looked at her with unbelievable eyes. "So you've never seen the man then?"
"I've seen him twice. The first time was on my mother's funeral, and the second time was when the court acknowledged my existence as the King's child." Saber said, and sighed.
Placing the cards down on the table, she saw the curiosity in Anders' eyes. "But why did you tried to rescue him?"
"Don't you know those things yet?" Huffed Saber annoyed. "I thought Zevran and the rest told you my story."
"We never the sappy part, Lightning." Varric said as he placed the cards down.
"Oh? Don't you have enough background information to make some epic story? What a disappointment." Saber said, surprised at her own words. Perhaps it was the alcohol. Perhaps she was sick of seeing the world so dark. She didn't know, and neither did she care.
"Believe me, Saber. I could make an epic story, even if it only involved you drinking milk." The dwarf grinned.
"Especially when it is milk. Or something that looks like milk." Saber responded cheeklyand took another sip of her drink.
"Please. Stop there. Now." Sebastian said, with a blush.
She gestured Varric for another glass and got one. She was feeling lesser strained than the past few weeks. "Very well, what do I care anyhow? You people were always so nosy when it came to other people's business! Ask and learn!"
With that, she swallowed another big sip of the ale, and heard the faint sound of laughter.
"We should get you more drunk then if that's what make you talking." Anders said with a snicker.
"Hmm…" hummed Saber. "Let's see… I suppose the reason why I went after the King is… well, he is still my father I suppose. And besides, with him being alive, is keeping my ass out of trouble."
She took another drink. "And, he isn't a bad man. From what I've heard, he's an idiot. But he always made sure I kept my freedom and respected my choices. When it became clear that I too was carrying magic, he kept me out of the Circle. When I wanted to follow mother's footsteps, and joined the Wardens, he accepted that."
"Your mother… in my clan we used to talk about the Hero of Ferelden." Merrill said with an admiring voice. "How one of the Dalish ended the Blight."
Saber laughed. She felt her cheeks becoming warm and red, but leaned backwards in the chair. her card laid down forgotten on the table.
"Did she learned you all of your fighting skills?" the Dalish elf asked with a chirpy voice.
"Who? My mother? No! She never taught me any fighting skills! Zevran, Leliana, and Sten taught me most. The rest I learned by the Grey Wardens." When she finished, she frowned and leaned forward. She avoided the other's eyes and looked into her hands. A feeling of sadness and loss went through her. "But, sometimes I miss her. I miss her words, and I sometimes wished that she had trained me and passed her skill on to me."
"Well… at least your mother loved you." Aveline said. "The only thing I remember of my mother is ridicules long hair."
"I know." Saber sighed. "Just… wishful thinking I suppose. Anyway, it is nice knowing that my mother loved me, even though I am…" she then stopped with talking. What does she want to say? That she was an abomination? A creature born out of the shadows?
"Never mind… I'm speaking of things I shouldn't." she then growled and leaned casually back in her chair. Saber glanced at the cards on the table and snorted at them. "You can keep my coin. I had a bad hand anyway."
She stood up and felt herself waver when she stood up. By the Maker, it had been a while since she's been so wasted. She didn't wanted to go on with speaking, for she didn't trusted her own mouth anymore. Before she knew it, she would expose herself. Being weak wasn't what she wanted to look like.
"Wait! Where are you going?" Anders said, as he stood up too and shoved his chair backwards.
With a drunk smile, she looked at him. She saw that others were looking at her surprised too. "Going to bed, of course! Tomorrow, big day and all. Needing some bed… uh, sleep."
"Where are you going to tomorrow? You never said you were leaving again!"
"Then you know it now, okay?" Saber replied casually and placed her hand on the doorframe.
"No, no, no! I want more details about your dark, unresolved past! Elf! Choir Boy! Stop her!"
Both Fenris and Sebastian looked at Varric with a dull expression. Fenris didn't even stood up from his chair and remained calm.
"If Saber want to leave, then she should." He said with an cold edge.
Saber stared at him, and tried to hide her hurt expression. She should have expected that. After all, she had hurt him too.
"Then… I probably-"
"Don't worry Varric! I'll do it!" exclaimed Isabela and rushed towards Saber. Because of the alcohol, she reacted much slower than normally and before she knew it, she was dragged back on the chair she was sitting.
"Hey!" snapped Saber angrily, but she was speaking with a double tongue and her threat didn't sound as serious as she had intended.
"Nice Rivaini!"
"Where are you going?" Isabela demanded. "And don't come with that shit story of yours! I'm not buying it!"
Saber looked away from her. She didn't want to keep secrets. She never wanted it. "I want to find my memories. There are the answers for all the questions." She slurred out, being drunk of the ale she had drank.
"Memories? Questions? What are you talking about this time?" Isabela said angrily.
"You know… I just-" Saber groaned frustrated. She was too drunk to even start explaining this. And there was just so much she wanted to tell them. Groaning, she tried to stand up again. But before she could stand up completely, she was pushed back harshly on the chair.
"Trying to run away again?" Isabela growled angrily. The others were merely standing around the Rivaini. But Isabela was the only one with the serious expression on her face. Never had she seen Isabela as angry as she was now.
"You know the irony of your words, right?" Hawke implied dryly.
Ignoring his words, Isabela's face came closer to her until Saber could smell the tar and the sea from her. Saber looked at the brown warm coloured eyes of her.
"If you don't like us, you can tell it now." Isabela said. "But I'm tired of walking on eggshells around you. And I'm not going to stick around someone who doesn't want me around."
At that Saber laughed out loud. She leaned back in the chair. After a while, she stopped laughing. Looking down on the floor the smile still ghosted on her lips. "And now you're saying this?" she snickered.
Nobody was laughing with her, but Saber supposed only she could see the humour of the whole situation. Perhaps it was the alcohol. Or perhaps it was the feeling of loss she was experiencing again. Either way, it was so clear to her know that she wondered how it was possible for not seeing it before.
"No." She said. The smile had disappeared and the jolly feeling was replaced by the feeling of grief again. "No, I don't want you to go. Damnation take me, but I don't want anyone to go."
She didn't met the pirates eyes, even though Saber knew she deserved it. But she couldn't look up yet. Not when shame was storming through. Shame that had lingered in her for months.
"Then why do you keep pushing us away like that? Are we all not friends?" Merrill said, kneeling before Saber.
"And that's exactly what's terrifying me." Saber said. It became quiet again. She didn't need to look up to know that they were surprised by her answer.
"When I first met you guys, I thought you were a bunch of annoying idiots. I resented everything you did. I felt being threatened after so many years of being solitude. But through time, I found myself… growing closer to you. To all of you. And what started as respect, turned into admiring into… affection." She slurred the words out, and much to her own surprise she spoke the words quite easily.
"I had a family before. And when I lost that, I found another family, and I lost that too. I keep losing people around me." Saber remembered the face of her Mother and the face of Cain. And the grief she had after losing them. "After I lost them, I swore that I will never care for anyone else anymore. The pain… the agony of losing someone was too much to bear. And especially since I'm to blame for their death's."
She looked up at them with the most hurtful and most fragile expression she had ever had on her face. "How closer I got to all of you, how more attached I became to you. I think that I silently hoped that I found a new family. To save me from my own loneliness. But, in Tervinter I was reminded again what I am. Why it was necessary for me to be alone."
The markings on her hands were for once without their cover, and were shown openly to the world. Saber looked at it disgusted.
"I ran away from you. But that time, it wasn't because I resented you. No, not all… I resented myself for what I am. Being close to any of you was too dangerous. So, I ran and I wanted to push you all away from me as far as I could."
"I am what I am." She said, as she looked at them, and her eyes rested for a couple seconds on Fenris. "I am the one with an Old God's soul. I am carrying it within my soul. I'm thanking my very existence to it."
She turned to Hawke. "You had just asked me if I am the heir of the throne. I am. But, I'm not suitable to lead anyone. I'm just carrying so much luggage… My love for my country... it will only destroy. Just like… I did to my mother and to my lover."
Looking back at the ground, at her hands, Saber was quiet again. Nobody spoke anything. Taking in a deep breath, Saber opened her mouth.
"I'm sorry." She said. For so long she wanted to say that. The burden of guilt immediately fell from her shoulder. "I'm so sorry for everything. And I know that saying sorry isn't enough, but…" she stopped there for a moment.
Her eyes rested on Fenris, who was looking at her with just as much intensive as she was. She could feel tears threatening to roll out of her eyes.
"You never forced yourself on me. I was the one… whose not worthy enough. And I'm so sorry for all the suffering I had given to you when you gave me…"
… so much joy…
"I'm so sorry. I really am…" She repeated again looking up.
"Saber… I- I never knew…" Isabela stuttered.
She stood up, feeling sober completely. "I should go. I… am glad that I could at least apologize. It's the least thing I should do, right?"
As she walked through the door, she decided that she wanted some fresh air. Stumbling through the dark corridor, she followed with her hand the wall. When she reached the wooden door, she opened it, and found herself in a small backyard. When she stepped outside, she felt the tingling of the rain. She hadn't even noticed the bad weather until she stepped out.
She went to the middle of the yard and just stood there. She looked in the sky, the grey clouds that drifted through the air.
"I said it…" she spoke softly to herself. With a small sad smile she continued to gaze at the sky. "I hope… you won't be disappointed in me, Cain…"
The rain continued to wash over her and she closed her eyes in an relaxing way. Somehow, she hoped that the rain would cleanse her from everything she had tainted herself with. For a moment, she felt herself being free. Even for a moment, she felt herself being truly free.
She didn't heard the footsteps. And neither did she noticed the presence that appeared behind her. He always had managed to sneak up on her, to get under her skin. And he was even aware of the effect he had on her.
When Saber felt two hands on her shoulder, she immediately recognized the presence. She smelled the lyrium in the air around them. She could feel his hesitance, as he was shaking nervously behind her. With her fingertips, she touched his hands softly. His hands fell down on her waist, and he wrapped himself around her. She could see the stark white hair on his head, as he placed it on her shoulder. Softly, she traced with her fingertips the patterns on his arms, and watched from her eye corners his head.
"I'm sorry too…" Fenris eventually said. "I'm sorry for those too…"
She shook her head quietly, as she didn't dare to speak. He held her closer as he tightened the grip around her waist. With a deep breath, she dared to wonder if it was wrong now to give him her affection back. She looked at the sky again, the one she had studied so many time with Cain. Would it be okay for her..?
She placed her backside of her head on Fenris' shoulder. They both were damaged, Fenris and she. They both had lost something valuable through their lives. But standing together in the rain, holding each other, then maybe there was hope.
She stood on her toes, nuzzling his neck. She heard a soft groan escaping him as she rubbed herself against him. Her hands crawled over to his face, and she cupped his cheek softly. He smelled good. Everything about him was good.
"I have denied you and rejected you… I'm sorry for that. I just… was afraid of you."
"I know." He said.
She felt a bit relieved that he understood it, even though he said it curtly. "I know you cannot forgive me immediately, but I mean it what I am saying."
She felt herself being turned towards him, and she felt his hand traveling up over her back. The feeling of his hand on her body made her shiver and soft, and Saber had to repress a moan. His other hand went to her chin and he lifted her head up. She was forced to face him, and she met his emerald green eyes.
He had an searchingly look on his face, and with his fingertips he caressed her face softly. She leaned in his touch and enjoyed it. The rain continued with falling down on them. The small gesture of affection broke down the dam she had built. One single tear fell out of her eyes and rolled down over her cheek. She could feel Fenris' thump whipping it away.
"I…" Fenris said. She looked at him curiously, but she could clearly see he was struggling with the words. With a shake of her head, silenced again.
"It's alright. You don't have to say it. I… am not certain if I can say it too…" she spoke softly.
Cupping his face with both her hands, she felt more tears falling out of her eyes. Fenris was looking at her with an concerned face, but she shook her head, as she detangled herself from him.
"It's the rain." She said as turned away from him and she wiped the tears from her eyes.
"That's a lie." Fenris stated almost dryly.
This time, Saber turned around at him with glare. "I'm not alright. Satisfied?" she snapped angrily.
Without much words, Fenris came closer to her again. He stepped towards her and placed his hands on her shoulder. Leaning in towards her, Saber didn't even tried to stop him. Feeling his lips upon her, Saber welcomed his warm mouth over hers. When they broke free, they both looked at each other much intense.
Saber could feel the longing towards him growing. The agonizing nights. The disturbing dreams that had woken her up embarrassing… all that rushed back to her. She wondered if he was feeling the same as she was.
Stroking her hair softly, a sudden rough grip on her brown hair broke the gentle act. Yelping surprised, her head was tilted backwards.
"If we continue doing this, then there will be no getting back anymore. I'm not going to let you go." Fenris growled lowly. Saber looked at him and he had an… predatory look on his face. "Once I take you, you'll be mine. And no other man will have you anymore."
Looking confused at him, she wanted to ask him why he would bring that up, but with a sharp tug on her hair, he looked in her eyes. "Do you promise that?"
She looked at him intensely. "I promise…" she said. She had never seen this side of Fenris. The possessive side of him.
He released her with a smug smile. "Good. Because I want you. For so long, I've wanted you…"
(:.:)
In her room, Saber locked the door close. She made sure it was locked good enough since she wasn't looking forward in any interruptions tonight. In the back of her mind, she reminded herself that tomorrow morning she must go find the soothsayer again. And that she needed to inform the others of her plans.
With a small smile, she was looking forward to talk to them again. The feeling of loneliness was fleeing out of her quicker than she had expected.
"You're not having second thoughts, are you?" the baritone voice of Fenris interrupted. She turned around at him, and watched him undoing his armour.
"No." She snickered. "I was just thinking… that I'm glad to call you all my friends again."
"And it only needed a couple mugs of dwarven ale…" Fenris said with dull tone.
Saber frowned at him as she came closer to him. "You can't deny that dwarven ale has its charms." She drawled out. "And I'm just not someone who talks about feelings and all. I'm sorry, but I'm already glad that I had said my piece. It was… relieving. And I meant every word I said."
Fenris crawled his hand over her body, and softly played with her clothes. "… I know. You meant everything you said. I could see it as did the others."
With a couple of tugs on her clothes, her coat she was wearing fell down on the ground. The rough leather armour she was wearing underneath it went through the same ritual until Saber was standing only in her smalls.
"I bet you were planning this too. Me getting drunk. Remember the last time on that ship? You were wasted." Saber said, as she undid his tunic. Fenris didn't responded on her comment, but continued stroking her body as his eyes roamed over her.
She looked amazed at his chest, full of the patterns with lyrium. They were softly shining on his body, and Saber couldn't get her eyes off them.
"Are they… repulsive to you?" Fenris asked hesitantly.
She frowned at him perplex. If anyone should feel disgusted, it's him. Her body wasn't decorated by the white lines of lyrium. Instead, it was one big mess full of scars and black patterns. But, it's her body. Her trade for the world, and her joy and pride.
Softly, she traced her fingertips over his muscular tanned stomach and chest. She heard him gasp a sharp breath. Without responding on his question, she placed her lips on his body and feasted herself on it. Kissing his chest , she crawled up, and kissed his neck. Licking and sucking the sensitive part of it, hearing him groan and moan. A women pride grew into her as she had managed to make the elf moan by her touch. With a smug smile she continued doing so, until she took him by surprise when she bit him there. She heard him yelping, which made her laugh almost uncontrollable. Stiffen immediately, he grabbed her shoulders and looked at her seriously.
"Ow, that hurts." He said as he rubbed his neck where a bit mark was already appearing. "No more biting."
Saber just laughed at him sweetly. "See it as a payback for tugging at my hair. That was hurting me too."
"Then you just should've said so. I would've been gentler." Fenris grumbled, as he stroked her hair gently.
With a chuckle, she placed her hand on his chest again. "That's alright. I can handle a bit of pain. Besides,-" with a fast movement, her hand shot out at his neck and she had a tight grip around him. She could feel him swallowing underneath her palm. "-you should know by now I'm not a gentle woman."
She pushed him backwards, until he fell down on the bed with a surprised look on his face. A feeling of pride grew inside her. It had been awhile since she had shared a night with a man. And especially like this.
Sitting down on his lap, she straddled him. She could feel him growing excited underneath her, what pleased her even more. Experimentally, she rode him softly with small movements of her hips against his.
"Saber-" he gasped out underneath her. Taking in a deep breath, she stroked his face. He had his eyes closed, and his hands on her hips. "I- I need to- tell you- something-" he said with a strained voice.
With an annoyed sigh, Saber stopped her movements. "You want to talk? Now? Can we talk when I'm not straddling your lap half-naked?"
Fenris leaned up on his elbows and raised half off the bed. "I just need to tell you that…" he trailed off. Saber crossed her arms and looked impatiently at him. Maker's Breath, if he didn't start doing something…
"I've… never done this before." he spoke, and looked away from her.
Saber, who raised her eyebrows until they were forming deep wrinkles on her forehead, let the words come in her mind. "You've never done this? You mean..?"
"I've never done this." He repeated, but with an annoying tone now. Saber grew quiet and looked unbelievable at the man underneath her.
"Wow." She said after a while, and perplexed she lowered her arms and looked at the corner of the room. "So… you're a… virgin?"
Fenris didn't even responded at that, but that was an answer enough.
"Wow." Saber said again.
They both had frozen up. Looking down on Fenris, who still avoided her gaze, she slowly reached out to him. Caressing his hair, she played with the soft strands of white hair. "So you never had sex?"
The question came out more bluntly then she had intended, but she couldn't find any other way to say it.
"Perhaps there has been someone else in my past, but I have no memories of that."
"And since..?" Saber persuaded, ignoring the awkward feeling she had within this conversation.
Falling back on his back he stared at the ceiling. "When I ran away from Danarius I never stayed too long. Who could I trust?"
Leaning a bit forward, Saber leaned with her hands on his chest to come closer to his face. "But, you stayed in Starkhaven for three years, right? You were free. Didn't you met anyone there?"
Fenris met her eyes for a brief moment, before he looked away again. "I didn't think I needed anyone. Or wanted anyone. Not until now."
Saber sat up straight again, feeling completely stunned to say at least. Except that this whole thing was… awkward, it was also very touching that a person was willing to trust her so much, considering how she had treated Fenris.
Caressing his face, she turned his eyes towards her so that he could look at her. "Fenris… are you sure you want this? With me, I mean."
Slowly, she crawled off him and stood before the bed. He looked at her surprised as he raised up and sat down on the bed.
"Maker's Breath…" she sighed. "I- no. Perhaps we should wait. If this is your first time, then I should at least be sober." She decided. She cursed herself in all the languages she could speak, but damn it if it was the right thing to do. Placing a hand on his chest, she stared at his muscles with a frustrated look. "Let's hold it up from here then. And let us both give time to think about this."
With a sigh Fenris placed a hand on her shoulder. "If that is what you wish." He passed her and Saber followed his frame as he walked over to his disposed tunic. Pulling it on, he looked over his shoulder at her. "I suppose I should go then."
Crossing her arms, she nodded as she took his gauntlets of the floor and walked over to him. "I'm sorry, but I think this is the best for now." He somehow got an disappointed look in his eyes. Rolling her eyes, she placed a kiss on his cheek. "I want it to be special. You see, the 'first time' is something that you'll remember your whole life. Let's make it memorial then."
She took his hand, and placed soft kisses on the knuckles, before she helped him dressing up his armour. She kissed him as much as could. Snickering in herself, she knew she would never do this if she had been sober, but that is what makes half the fun. She redid his buttons of his tunic, and with every button she placed soft kisses on his stomach and chest, making him gasp. When she helped him closing the clasps of the armour he wore she continuously kissed and licked his neck and jaw. His hands were resting on her lower back, and she could feel the firm grip on her rear. When he pinched a bit too harsh, she let out a startled yelp. Frowning, she bit him again.
"Ow! Hey! Stop biting me woman!" he exclaimed offended, as he rubbed his neck again where another bite mark had appeared.
"Then stop squeezing my ass until it's bruised." She said dryly as she looked at him with a somehow smug expression.
"Forgive me, but what can a man do when such a beautiful woman is touching him most… pleasantly." Fenris rumbled out the last word with a low tone that made Saber shiver. Maker, why was this a good idea again?
She chuckled, and placed her lips on his. She felt him smile against her, and then they kissed slowly and most tender.
"I'm almost regretting this…" Saber mumbled again him with her eyes closed.
"Perhaps it is wise then to stop… now. Because, I can't-" he silenced himself again when he claimed her lips roughly this time. Tugging her hair, Fenris placed one last kiss on her lips before he rushed out of the room, leaving Saber all flustered. Softly, she touched her lips with a smile.
Perhaps not everything is that bad. As Saber walked back over to her bed, she laid under the blanket. As the room and her mind grew quiet again, the treacherous thoughts slipped in her tired mind.
Was it wise for her to be with anyone? With Fenris, or with any other man? Troubled, she opened her eyes and stared aimlessly at the ceiling.
Everything is connected…
But no matter what; she was not going to run away again.
(:.:)
I hope you liked it!
Next:
Chapter 26:
Courage