I dropped my head on the desk, the impact muffled by the mountain of papers.
Jeff leaned back and gave me a glance before apathetically announcing to the room, "Neil's down."
"About time," a voice in the back called. "Darn workhorse was starting to make us all look bad. Take lunch already man!"
Lunch… yeah that sounded good right about now. People had been alternating eating at their desks over the last hour and the smells were starting to get to me.
I sat up a little and glanced at the thickness of the paper stack I had left to work on, resisting a groan, I was hoping to be further by now.
The new year came and went and I had so many ends to wrap up on the paperwork front. Usually I tried to get everything done on the last day of winter so I could start the year fresh, but I had piled on so many extra things this year, the yaks, the deals with Cabin Country, Goddess- I still needed to finish off signing a few thousands waivers and agreements if I wanted to start selling the alpacas that shipped in yesterday. I thought I could get more done at the sanctuary office.
I tried to rally and hunt through the stack of papers for the truck receipts but found my head pounding, they were right, this was as good a time as any to take lunch.
The room had a lethargic atmosphere I almost always forgot about in my time away. I thought it would be a good change of pace to my kitchen table but since I was rarely in, I never really realized how lazy everyone else was.
Some people seemed to be on what had to be hour two of their break, the guy across the room had been absentmindedly skimming through a document all day, scrolling up and down, clearly not actually reading any of it.
I guess Rio was my standard for work ethic though.
I pulled out my lunch from my case and a few people glanced over in interest, "Hey Neil, that meal's looking a little sophisticated, weren't you always a boring sandwich kind of guy?"
"Man's finally found himself a lady huh?" Asked Jeff.
"There's a girl I'm sort of seeing," I admitted ruefully. Usually I'd just tell them it was none of their damn business but honestly, I think I just needed something to make this relationship seem kind of real.
"Oo, and she's already packing you lunches?" He asked.
Alright, this has gone on long enough, I gave him my best scowl. "Don't you have work you should be doing?"
I glanced at my meal, seafood omelette rice. They were right, I used to hate cooking. Though ever since the baby was sent back, Rio had thrown herself into an even more frantic work pace. Now it felt like all I could do for her was stop her from passing out. Was this what she was like before? I hardly knew her back then, but she did always seem to be running around everywhere. How did she keep herself alive back then?
I couldn't help but worry, so cooked for her. I'd wait all day to see her zip by and I'd shove the food in her arms and remind her to eat, with some BS excuse that I always had leftovers. I was kind of scared that might be the only thing she eats every day…
I resisted a sigh, is this a normal relationship?
At the very least, she made a point of stopping in every day, even if it was for such a brief few moments. I kind of wonder though if 'see Neil' wasn't just another line to check off on her checklist. It would explain why we only ever spoke two lines before she disappeared again.
It was a shame, things seemed like they were all just going to work out that night I confessed to her. Sure she had been unsure, and we didn't become an official couple but we talked almost the entire night after. I had never done that with someone before. Sure Rod and I hung out but I doubt even we'd be able to hold a conversation for that long. Plus, our dynamic was different. Rod talks at me and I just kind of get strung along or we make small talk about animals and things we're both really into.
With Rio, we talked about everything, and it never got boring or awkward. I think I even came up with half the topics and everything just... flowed without any awkwardness to it.
"Everyone! I have an announcement!" Tanner, our HR rep said peppily, entering the room.
"Ah it's the sheepdog," muttered one guy a desk over. I was only half listening, still thinking about how Rio had fitted into my side with her head on my shoulder…
"So," he said excitedly, "Like you all requested, we held off on the yearly new years party since you all were just going to celebrate with your home towns and families anyway, but I hope you haven't forgotten our compromise! We'll be having our beginning of year party next Saturday, be sure to invite your friends and families!"
There was a silence and Tanner's face dropped to a dead serious stare. "Actually though. Invite people, seriously."
The guys finally all went back to work, avoiding all eye contact with the rep. Turns out the only thing dealers hate more than work is social events.
He almost cried, "Feel a little bad for me! I studied HR at my business school for four years and lead all of the event planning committees! I was hosting parties for a society of more than 700 students and bringing in CEOs for networking events. Now I can't even get all of you in one room for one night, and when I do, you just sit in different corners and drink in silence! Bring your spouses, bring your friends! Bring anyone you find on the street with some sort of personality!"
He pulled out a bunch of papers and began handing them out, they were formal invitations. "Now I know I handed these out before," he said, "but now I'm going to have to treat you like a bunch of kindergardeners who need supervision putting all of their letters to their parents directly into their backpacks. I saw how they all ended up in the paper bin- Vaughn!" He called, cutting himself off, "Don't you dare put that paper in your desk! It is going in your suitcase!"
He reached me, "Neil!" He said cheerfully, "We never see you in! You're coming right?"
"Yeah," I said, "and I'm bringing a friend."
He fist pumped, "Awesome! See you then!"
Usually I didn't like going to these, but I needed an excuse to get Rod out for a night. We hadn't hung since he got together with Tina, she legitimately took up all of his free time. Which you'd think was impossible since she also took up all of the few spare seconds in Rio's schedule.
After this huge experience with a baby dropped in our laps by the Harvest Goddess, Rio did learn she needed to make time for other people. Just not with me. She now had weekly tea parties at the restaurant with Tina and the other girls would intermittently join in. I mean, I was happy for her. I knew she had started to feel left out and inadequate. I could relate.
Luckily, I got Rod to commit a week ago. Even Tina wouldn't be able to pull him away from this. I think I really needed some solid time with him. Honestly, I'd been getting lonely. Each day was getting a little more demoralizing. That starry night was getting further and further away and it seems suddenly no one had the time for me.
I knew I was probably being melodramatic, it had been less than a week but it just sort of felt like I lost my baby and best friend in the same night and the girl I'm seeing doesn't really think about me nearly as much as I think about her.
On the Friday before the party, I milled around the house. It was my first day off in the week and honestly, I slept in. No one really does that in this town other than Soseki but I found myself waking up and honestly not finding a good enough reason to get out of bed. I skipped breakfast and, due to the lack of activity, never quite got hungry.
It was well past two when I forced myself to make a late lunch. I needed to have leftovers by the time Rio stopped by which was usually anytime between 3 and 5.
I stood over my stove and stirred the pot lethargically. Red king crab stew, a little decadent for a late afternoon lunch, but, if it was the only thing she was going to eat today it needed to be hardy- and I couldn't trust that she was eating anything else. She seems to know when she's on the brink of passing out and that's the only point she stops to take care of herself- only to work herself to that point again.
There was a knock at my door and a moment later Rod came in, scratching his head apologetically, my heart sunk, I knew that look. Of course.
"Heeey Buddy," he started.
"Hey Man," I nodded coolly.
"So… funny thing," he started, "Tina's parents are coming into town tomorrow and she wants me to meet them. It's a pretty critical thing in a relationship and I know you have your office party tomorrow but, I mean, maybe we could just hang on Sunday?"
"Yeah, sure… Sunday… The office party is pretty lame anyway, it'll be more chill to just hang out here," I said, although it was a toss-up on whether that would happen either.
Rod grinned, "Awesome! Thanks for understanding! I mean of course you would understand- what with you having Rio and all- we're both whipped men now eh?" He winked at that last joke and I felt sick, of course I didn't. If he wasn't too stuck on talking about Tina all the time he'd know things were… not moving at all for Rio and I.
"Sure." Was all I said.
He still hadn't fully stepped in the door, so I guessed I wasn't really going to see him today either. "Great! So I'll go tell Tina! I mean, we were pretty sure you'd be cool with it but you did ask me first so I wasn't just going to ditch you or anything," He rambled. "Anyway, I'll see you Sunday ok?"
"Yeah," I said.
He closed the door and left.
I sighed and leaned against the kitchen table, staring up at the ceiling tiredly. Maybe Allen would want to hang? I shuddered at the thought, only there realizing how far I'd fallen.
My stomach rumbled, it was only now that I was smelling food that I realized how hungry I actually was. Heading back to the stove, the stew looked finished.
As I turned off the burners, there was another knock at the door and then it opened. "Hey Neil!"
"Rio," I said. This was one of her earlier visits.
She smiled at me brightly and I gave her a tired smile.
She walked over, chuckling a little to herself, "your hair is looking more dishevelled than usual today!" Her smile dropped as she got closer, "Actually Neil, are you alright?"
I looked at her trying to fake confusion. "What do you mean?"
"You look down," she said. "I wanted to come and tell you how well Scooter is doing."
Scooter, I wracked my brain, "Oh right, your new alpaca."
Something I had said made her even more concerned. "Neil… you never forget an animal's name."
"Sorry Rio, I'm not having a great day," I said.
I had to wonder how pathetic I must have looked that she actually sat down at my table, pulled out her little notebook and crossed out a few lines before closing it and looking back at me.
Honestly, it meant something that she was willing to still make sacrifices for me, I wasn't so sure she would anymore. "I'm here," she said. "Do you want to talk?"
"I don't know," I said. Then I gestured at the pot on the stove, "I just made red king crab stew if you want some."
She laughed a little, "I'm glad you liked the red king crab I brought you. I thought it was a kind of weird 'gift' but you've been eating a lot of seafood recently- or I guess we've been eating a lot of seafood recently so I thought you might actually appreciate my special find."
I wanted to make sure she had enough protein in her diet. I didn't tell her this.
"Yeah, thanks…" was all I actually did say and I scooped us both out a bowl's worth of stew and brought the dishes to the table.
As we sat to eat, I realized I really did want to talk. "Rod's been completely preoccupied with Tina," I said.
Rio rolled her eyes, "I know, and he's all she talks about. I swear they act like they're dying whenever they're apart. It's crazy, good thing we're not like that, huh?"
"…yeah," I said unconvincingly. Maybe I couldn't tell her everything, like how she was slowly tearing my heart apart without even realizing it.
"I hear he's already meeting her parents tomorrow, they are moving FAST," she said.
I sighed, "Yeah he was just in here moments before you and told me… he was supposed to come with me to the yearly office party at the sanctuary. The HR rep is going to ride me hard about coming alone after I confirmed for two."
"Oh," she said with some surprise. "You didn't… I mean if you'd wanted I could have… I guess maybe we're too fresh in whatever this relationship is to…" She tried to find the right way to express her thoughts and finally gave up with a, "I could come if you want, but I get it if you're too embarrassed to bring a… girl."
I looked at her in surprise, "No, I mean, if you have time tomorrow night- by all means."
She pulled out her notebook, and scanned it intensely, moving a couple of lines to different pages. "I can be free after 5:30," she said.
"It starts at 5 but you can come late. Unfortunately, I can't wait for you but we could meet there if you remember where the office is."
"Yeah," she nodded, "I think so, was it the big building on the hill?"
"That's it," I nodded.
She hadn't touched her food yet, she was still looking at me. "Is that what was bothering you? Just that Rod flaked?"
I shrugged, "more or less."
A frown still tugged at her lips, "O-ok… just, if I'm being honest, I kind of got the sense you've seemed a little more down all week…"
She could see through me more than I'd guessed. Well of course, it's why I loved her in the first place.
She glanced around the house as if searching for a clue as to what was affecting me, unable to see herself in her own scan. Her gaze stopped on something and a little pain seemed to flicker in her eyes. I followed the path to the pile of baby books beside the couch that I still hadn't gotten around to taking back to Hossain.
"I still need to take those clothes back to Hana too…" she said.
I reached out and found her hand on the table.
"I miss her," she said, with a slight shake in her voice.
"Yeah... me too."
This was supposed to be one cute, little finale chapter but honestly, rereading the last chapter, it seemed like a bit of a leap to the end, I think the next chapter will be the big sum up. Sorry for the wait. When I missed the December deadline and it opened up when I had to finish this, I started to procrastinate XD Luckily now I'm procrastinating on other things and so we're here, full loop.
Oh no... it's two in the morning and I'm still at school, I've messed up. Oh and what do you know... another snow storm... sure thought those were over.