A/N - Sorry for the delay on this one. I had a couple of workshops and some other stuff to do last week. It kept me pretty busy. On a positive note, I have the next chapter ready to go. I'll upload it sometime during the week.
Thanks so much for everyone who is reading. I know my writing style isn't for everyone but I hope those of you hanging in there with me like it.
The next couple of chapters seem like I am beating up on Brennan and I am. It happens during chemo. It's like the domino effect for some. One thing happens and all of the systems get out of whack. I promise I will resolve things in time. :-) As always, I spend time researching the correct medications, procedures and side effects. It's harsh but plausible.
Again, let me know what you think. I appreciate all the feedback.
I don't own Bones. I just like the show a lot.
"I talked to Perrotta," Booth said. "She has interviewed all of the lab assistants and it appears Beyler and Harrell had a thing going on."
Cam spoke up, "Maybe the professor had things for other students as well and one of them became jealous over Harrell."
Booth nodded. "That's what I am thinking too," he said.
"I still can't get a grasp on what could make those marks," Clark said. "Dr. Brennan, any thoughts?"
She took a deep breath and fought to focus well enough to speak. She had been abnormally during the conference call. "Yes, sorry," she said without explanation. She was heavily medicated but even with the medications she felt horrible but she willed herself to get through the call. "Hodgins, you said the swabs you ran showed aluminum and," she had to pause to catch her breath. "An alloy that is usually found in stainless steel and slight traces of beef protein."
"So a knife someone used to eat dinner before killing Harrell and Beyler?" Booth questioned and the studied Brennan. She was fading quickly. She was sitting near him on the couch but he knew she needed to lie down.
"Beef...beef?" Brennan thought out loud. A light bulb seemed to go on above her head. "You didn't find any other trace?"
"A few peptones and traces of. . ." Hodgins began to speak but was interrupted by Brennan.
Her energy seemed to rush back to her. She knew it was the surge of adrenaline she always got when she figured out the link in a case. "It's a metal spatula. Well, 4 metal spatulas," she explained. "The killer must have connected four of them together."
Booth looked on, clearly confused. "How could a pancake flipper be used as a murder weapon?"
"Not that kind of spatula, Seeley," Cam answered. "It's the metal ones used to scrape powders and chemicals out of a stock container. Beef is a major ingredient in powdered agar used to culture bacteria."
"Like this one," Hodgins said as he held up a very shiny and very pointy metal object. "The killer must have formed a weapon out of 4 of them. He probably thought we could not figure out the pattern since it doesn't really exist."
Just as her energy had rushed in, it left. Brennan fought off a wave of dizziness and supported her head on her hand, definitely getting attention from Booth. She spoke without moving. "Ange, could to calculate how much force would be required to," she drew in a deep breath. "To push the murder weapon in far enough to cut the aorta."
"Sure, Sweetie," Angela answered.
Just as Angela was going to inquire about her friend's condition, the door opened and Liz walked in. "Alright, Temperance. It's time for morning vitals and assessment. Let's go into the bedroom so they can finish up the call," Liz said.
Brennan just nodded and went to stand. She was thankful that Liz was already there to help her. The pair escaped slowly and quietly into the bedroom and closed the door behind them.
"Dr. Edison, could you go and double check your findings on the angle of entry of the metal spatula?" Cam asked. "Also, check the beveling of the wound track. The weapon would have had to be sharpened to be lethal."
Clark rolled his eyes, "Just tell me you guys need to have a private conversation. I get it. You guys are family. A weird one, but still a family." He said.
"Thanks, Clark," Hodgins said.
"She looks pale, Booth," Angela said. "Are you sure she's okay?"
Booth leaned forward in his seat and dropped his head. "She says she is, you know, but I don't know," his words were heavy with worry. "She still has two more days of this stuff after today. She really didn't get this bad until the early this morning," he went on. "I've seen her get shot, blown up, and stabbed but I've never seen her ask for morphine until today. She woke up around 2:30 with a headache so bad she couldn't even lift her head. She says her head doesn't hurt this morning but I can tell it's starting to take its toll on her.
He thought back to the early hours of the morning. He was sleeping on the small pull out next to Brennan. He heard her let out a few soft moans and be stood beside her. At first, he thought she was having a nightmare so he clicked on the light. Immediately, however, he knew that was a bad decision when Bones had practically shrieked in pain. He had turned the light off and sat on the bed beside her before hitting the call button.
Jenna walked in just a few seconds later and turned the lights up so she could work. Brennan turned away from the light and when that didn't help she took her IV free arm and covered her eyes to shield them from the offensive light. "Headache?" she asked in her typical southern drawl.
Brennan nodded with an almost imperceptible nod.
"Agent Booth, grab that emesis bin on the counter over there," Jenna instructed. "I'm going to have to check her eyes with my light and some people vomit when the light hits them."
Brennan didn't have the strength or the will to fight it. "Can I have an opiate based pain reliever?" she asked.
Booth sighed. 'Leave it to Bones to be complicated. She could just ask for drugs,' he thought and laughed to himself slightly. That was why he loved her. She wasn't a typical person and he loved her for it. He grabbed the bin as instructed and grabbed her hand. "What's wrong with her," he asked Jenna.
"Probably the increased ATRA," she said simply. "It's a high dose of vitamin A and can cause one heck of a migraine," she explained as she clicked off the light pen. "Where's the locus of the pain, Temperance?"
"Left...eye," she responded weakly.
Jenna took her blood pressure and temperature. Booth was clearly getting antsy. He didn't understand why she hadn't given her anything for the pain yet. "Alright, your vitals look okay. I'm going to get you a pain reliever and a typical migraine medication. Feel like you can swallow something?"
Brennan shook her head. The simple movement caused pain and the hand Booth wasn't holding shot up to apply pressure to her pulsing head.
"I'll be right back," the nurse said.
True to her word, she was back within 5 minutes and efficiently injected a medication into the IV line.
"That was dilaudid. It works fast and will probably knock her out for a few hours," Jenna said and started to prep another syringe.
Almost instantly Booth saw the lines of pain ease from his partner's forehead. "Better?" he asked.
"Uh huh," she mumbled and went to sit up, almost as though she was embarrassed.
"Don't move, Bones," he said soothingly. "Just rest."
She turned to snuggle into the comfort of the pillow. He smoothed her hair back and out of her face.
Jenna injected the second medication. "That's a migraine medication. It should keep help keep the headache from showing its ugly face again," she said before she turned to leave. Just buzz if she needs anything.
"I will, Thanks," Booth said as she dimmed the lights. "It's good to see you back on shift."
"I'm going to sit with her tonight during Parker's game," Angela said. "Hodgins is coming with me. We'll both go home and shower and change before we head that way. Cam's letting us leave early."
"Thanks, guys," Booth said. "I shouldn't go but you know Bones, she is insisting," he said.
"Seeley, I'm not an oncologist but goodness knows the 3 months I worked on the floor as an intern was enough for me to know that what's she's going through is all expected," Cam said compassionately. "It will pass."
Booth ran his hands through his hair. "I know," he said. "That's what everyone always says. 'It's expected,' they tell me. But … But this is Bones we are talking about. She's anything but expected. She doesn't do anything by the book. You know that. How long until her body does something unexpected? I'm not sure I'm ready for that."
"It should be better in a few days, Booth," Hodgins spoke. "The toxins used in chemotherapy should begin flush out of her system in a few days," he explained. "Peak effect is between days 4 and 8."
"Yeah, I know. That's what the nurse told me. She's on day 5," he said as he stood and paced a little.
"Agent Booth?" Liz called from the bedroom.
"Call us later!?" Angela half asked and half told.
"Yeah," he replied. "I will."
"What's wrong?" He asked as he walked in the room. Liz was still standing by the bed and Brennan was reclined slightly.
"It's day 5," Liz stated and checked for Booth's understanding. When she saw his nod, she continued. "I talked with the nutritionist so he won't have to come by. We're going to start you on calorie-rich protein shakes with every meal."
Brennan nodded, "Thank you for making those arrangements." She wasn't sure she could deal with another person telling her what to do.
"Well, we need to limit your visitors now anyway. You have to begin to rest more, Temperance. You've lost 2 more pounds," she explained. "You are much weaker than you were yesterday. I hate it but you're going to have to wear this fall risk bracelet until you get some energy back," she said as she pulled out a bright orange band. "You will have to be assisted any time you stand."
Brennan spoke; her voice had no strength to it. "I understand," she said simply. She really didn't feel well enough to try and stand. The slightest movement seemed to be making the room spin.
"Your mouth sores don't appear to be getting any worse. That's a good thing. How's the headache," Liz asked.
"I only feel a mild numbness, no pain," Brennan answered. She knew if she didn't elaborate on her symptoms she would face a barrage of questions. "I have been experiencing moderate intestinal cramping since I woke this morning."
She instinctively folded her arm over her core. "It doesn't appear to be diminishing and based on the severity, I imagine the chemo has begun to damage my intestinal lumen."
Liz raised her eyebrows and looked from Brennan to Booth. He shook his head. Obviously, this was new to him.
The nurse looked at her patient. She had done well to make it as long as she had without becoming weak but she had obviously hit her wall. Her condition would likely continue to decline before she began to improve. "I'm going to lay you back and check your abdomen out some she said. Try and relax," she said as she lowered the bed.
Booth shifted to his partner's head and placed his hand on her brow sweeping a few hairs out of her eyes. She didn't move but he felt her brow furrow as Liz pressed on her stomach and around her belly button. As the nurse continued her exam, Brennan instinctively pulled her legs up to try and curl into a ball to fight the still intensifying cramps. Liz was able to continue working despite her patient's position. She situated her stethoscope on several places on her abdomen and listened at each before placing the instrument back around her neck. "Your bowel sounds are very hyperactive," she said.
Booth looked up. "Is that a bad thing?" He asked.
Liz shook her head. "It's actually a good thing. If the bowels are quiet, it can mean a bleed or a blockage," she said. "That doesn't make any less painful though."
Booth kissed Brennan's head. "Can you give her something for it?"
"I need to finish grading," Brennan said through gritted teeth. "I have to get those back to my grad assistant this week. The students deserve to have them back before they enter finals."
"Bones," Booth said compassionately yet firmly. "You can do those later."
Another wave of cramps coursed through the anthropologist's body. Liz and Booth both noticed. Booth grabbed her hand and Liz simply waited for it to pass. "I HAVE to finish these. I'm not getting any better. If other symptoms set in, I won't be strong enough to finish if I put it off. Liz, is there something I can have that won't cloud my focus or make me sleep immediately?"
Liz gave Brennan her stern nurse's look. "We have discussed this before. Our primary concern is keeping you comfortable. Trying to fight through pain is not something you should try. The cramping is only going to intensify and you will most likely experience other, less manageable digestive symptoms."
"Bones, please," Booth begged. "Isn't there someone that could grade those for you so you can rest?"
"No. They signed up for my class and I need to be the one to evaluate their performance. Arguing about this only prolongs me finishing and being able to rest," Brennan argued.
"No way, Bones. You are more important than some kid getting to the beach in time to beat the crowds," he fussed.
"You two stop," Liz broke in. "Temperance, let's make a deal. I'll give you a mild pain reliever and give you until lunch to grade the papers, but you have to manage to hold down a protein drink and some of the breakfast they sent down. If you can do that, I won't make you take anything stronger until you finish."
"It's 8am now. Accounting for interruptions, I'll need until at least 2 pm in case I don't finish before lunch," Brennan said dryly.
"That's fine unless Dr. Brooks poses an objection," the nurse said. "Also, you have to be hooked to your chemo and we're going to put you back on fluids and some electrolytes."
"You're sure this is okay for her?" Booth asked.
"We'll keep an eye on her. She's right, though. She needs to tie up any loose ends today. She's going to continue to weaken from here." Liz explained.
Booth ran his hand through his hair. "Fine, I don't like it, Bones."
"It's because you are overprotective," she said through gritted teeth. Another wave of cramping ran through her midsection. She blew out a pained breath. "Could I get the medication now?"
"Sure, our milder medications are oral. You'll have to swallow it," Liz said as she backed out of the room.
Brennan let her face show her frustration. She hadn't planned on keeping her end of the deal and eating. She inwardly chastised herself. 'The chemotherapy must be affecting my mental acuity. I should have foreseen this.'
She looked to Booth who was staring at her with sad eyes. "Don't look so scared, Booth. Everything is typical. We knew I would get sicker before I get better," she said but obviously it didn't help. She gave him something she knew would perk him up. "My platelet counts didn't drop after my last transfusion."
"Really?" He asked with excitement.
She nodded and smiled. "Even though the ATRA gave me one hell of a headache, it seems to be working. Liz says that with the chemo regimen, we shouldn't expect my counts to increase but if they will just hold steady before all my counts drop, it's a positive indicator." She finished and curled up a little as more cramps wracked her body.
Booth sat on the edge of her bed and wrapped her in his arms. "See, Bones, your body is fighting this," he said as he rubbed her back.
"It's not completely rational but I feel as though my body is fighting itself," she said softly. "Every time one symptom improves, another one surfaces."
"It'll get better," he said. "You are almost done with this cycle."
"I know," She said with a wince and grabbed on to him more as another cramp showed its ugly face. "I currently feel as though my intestines are trying to crawl out of my body. Wasn't there a science fiction movie in which that occurred?"
"Alien?" Booth asked and felt Brennan nod in response. "You've seen that?"
"No, but I've heard enough people make comments about it. It's what Angela said one time when she had a case of gastroenteritis."
"Figures," he said. "Let's see if we can get you more comfortable. You feel like getting a shower?"
She shook her head. She didn't have the stamina to shower. "No, but I would like to get changed."
No more than 15 minutes later, Brennan was situated in the recliner. Liz was back in the room. In Brennan's words, she was babysitting her to make sure she was eating and drinking. She was eating slowly but was managing to force it down while grading papers.
"How many more, Bones?" Booth asked.
"17," Brennan answered in her defeated tone. She had taken the medication just 10 minutes earlier. She knew it would take time but she longed for relief.
Booth was on the couch and looked to Liz. "Can she try a heating pad or something?" He asked. "Sometimes that helps her when she has her monthly…"
Brennan looked at her partner in surprise. "How did you know that?"
"FBI SPECIAL Agent, Bones?" He said with a grin. "I've seen you use one at your desk and I found you sleeping in your office one time with it on after Gormagon blew us up in the cab."
Liz smiled. "Sure. I'll bring one in for you."
Brennan went back to grading. She willed herself to finish them but her body was so distracting. Nothing felt right and her brain was clouded. Liz came in and brought the heating pad and helped her set it up. It brought some comfort and relaxation to her and dulled the cramps but the warmth also made her very sleepy.
Booth looked over and saw her drifting. He didn't dare disturb her. He knew she would be angry at him but she needed to rest. A few short minutes later she bolted upright. "What is it?" He said. Her face was the palest he had seen her and she was breathing heavily.
"Restroom," she said with a groan.
He helped her up and supported her shaky legs as she pulled the IV pole with her and closed the door. He waited by the door and listened for any sign of distress but only heard the vent whirring.
After a few minutes he heard the distinct flush of the toilet and the door cracked open. She stepped out and shut the door behind her. She was sweaty, white as a ghost, and visibly trembling. "Bones," he said as he wrapped an arm around her waist. "You don't have to do this to yourself."
"I just need to rest for a few minutes," she said weakly.
He looked at her face as he helped her back in the chair. He thought she might pass out from the beads of sweat still forming on her forehead. "Okay, Bones. Want me to page Liz?"
"No, I just need to sit very still. It will pass and I can get those stupid papers graded." Her eyes were already closed but she was still breathing heavily. "Can you get the heating pad and an extra blanket?"
He did as she asked and covered her tightly. She looked so frail and he had never heard her refer to work she needed to do as stupid. He grabbed a cool washcloth and wiped the sweat from her brow. He pulled the spare chair beside her and waited for her to need something from him.
Unfortunately, over the next hour, the scenario repeated itself 3 more times. Each time, Brennan became weaker and weaker. After the last restroom visit, Booth helped her back into the recliner and spoke. "Bones, it's time to give it up. You don't have anything to prove to anyone," he pled. He leaned down and used the wet washcloth to wipe her face again.
"I know," she said weakly. "I'm just not used to it being okay to be sick or injured," she said. "It's not an appealing characteristic in foster care or living alone."
"You are not alone," he said. "You haven't been alone in 5 years."
She nodded and grabbed the nurse call button. "Thank you," Booth said. "Think you can handle drinking some ginger ale?"
She nodded and curled into the blankets a little more deeply. "I still have to deal with those papers."
"I have an idea on that, "he said with a cheeky grin. "Here drink this," he said as he popped a straw into the can and handed it to her. He kept his hands near hers since she was shaking from the simple weight of the can.
"I'm sure my grad students wouldn't appreciate you marking their papers, Booth." She said after she took a drink.
"Nah, I'd fall asleep. I am going to have Sweets take them to Zack," he explained. "You trained Zack so he is the next best thing to you. Sweets will be by soon to pick them up."
She nodded in relief just as there was a knock on the door.
"She's still sleeping," Booth said. "Where's Angela?"
"She got called down to the Middle Eastern Antiquities department to help with an authentication. They didn't tell her before she got down there that they only needed her because 3 employees have tested positive for the flu," Hodgins explained. "She didn't want to come around until she knew for sure that she wouldn't come down with it."
"Yeah, the nurses and the doctor said that anyone who comes in contact with someone who is sick has to stay away for three days, minimum. If they get any symptoms, they have to stay away even longer," Booth explained. "It makes me nervous every time I leave."
"It sucks, man!" Hodgins fussed. "Dr. B did not deserve this." He was clearly mad at the situation. She was his coworker and superior but they were close. They shared something when they were buried alive.
"Yeah, I know," Booth responded simply. He didn't need to say anything else. "Listen, she had a really rough morning. The meds they are giving her to help her stomach seem to knock her out for about 3 hours then she wakes up feeling like crap for about an hour before she can have another dose of it." Both men glanced at the sleeping anthropologist. She was still cocooned in blankets and seemed to be comfortable in her recliner. "She had her last dose about 2 and a half hour ago. When she wakes up, she may want the heating pad. If she tries to stand up, you watch her like a hawk. Buzz the nurse if she seems extra pale or confused."
"Dr. B would totally kill you if she knew you were giving me a run down like some teenage babysitter."
Booth gave him the evil eye. "If we can get her through this, she can do whatever the hell she wants to me."
The red headed scientist nodded and swallowed hard. Booth was scared. He wasn't great at reading people but Angela and Cam had told him how Booth acted when they were buried by the grave digger. He was crazy and he was almost there now. The difference was that he couldn't do anything to save her now.
"They're supposed to bring her soft stuff to try and eat. Try and distract her with some kind of scientific mumbo jumbo while she is trying to eat. She seems to get stuff down when she doesn't think about it."
"You want to leave me a gun, in case I need to protect her?" Hodgins said as he nodded he understood all his responsibilities.
"Not a chance, bug boy," he clapped him on the back as he pulled on his jacket. "You text me if she needs anything at all." He waited for Hodgins to nod and then gave his thanks before walking out the door.
Hodgins took a deep breath. He has helped Brennan from time to time with her various injuries. The weakest he had ever seen her was when she had been stabbed by the Harbinger's doctor and lost a fair amount of blood but that paled in comparison to how weak she was now.
He plopped on the couch and flipped through the channels on the television, thankful Booth had left the closed captioning on. He settled on a documentary about museum conspiracies. He was thankful it was actually quite interesting. At the third commercial break he looked down at his watch. He had been there for 45 minutes and he was surprised that Brennan hadn't really stirred yet. It was now 5:45 and he figured the nurse would be in soon. He texted Angela to give her an update and then he texted Booth. 'She's still sleeping,' he wrote.
Booth's return response was quick and simple. 'Good. Game is just getting started.'
He regretted that he hadn't turned his ringer off and the chime made Brennan stir. He went ahead and moved to a chair closer to her. When he was sure she was waking he spoke. "Hey, Dr. B."
"Booth already left?" She asked. Her voice was still groggy and sluggish.
"Yeah, I've been here almost an hour. There's a flu outbreak down in Middle Eastern Antiquities. Angie got pulled down there to help and she didn't want to risk infecting you." He explained. "It's just me and you for a while."
"I'm afraid I won't be great company," she said.
"Well, if I remember correctly, I was passed out for a few hours last time it was just the two of us together," he said with a smile.
She nodded at him and grimaced as her digestive tract began to rebel again. "Would you mind handing me that heating pad?"
He nodded and retrieved the requested items before offering her a hand to help her sit up a little more. They heard a knock at the door.
"Evening," Jenna said as she walked in carrying a tray. "Let's get your vitals and then you can have this delicious dinner." She said with sarcasm.
Hodgins backed away to give her some privacy. He would just observe from a distance.
"Well, even though you have 20 blankets on you, your temperature is normal. Blood pressure and heart look okay too. Digestive sounds are still hyperactive," she said as she marked a few things on the chart. "Any new symptoms?"
"No, I think I have plenty already." Brennan said.
"Way to go with the comic relief, Dr. B," Hodgins said.
"How long have you been saving that one, Honey?" Jenna asked.
"Since yesterday," Brennan answered.
Jenna and Hodgins both laughed. Jenna nodded. "Let me check you over a little. Why don't you go down to the lounge and grab a donut?" She said to Hodgins.
Hodgins headed for the door. "Yeah, sure," he said.
How do you feel?"
"I've been better. The medicine had helped make the cramping manageable but I still feel very nauseated and dizzy," Brennan explained. "I have no energy."
"Your boyfriend is worried about you. He stopped by the desk to give me a run down before he left." She slipped the blood pressure cuff on her arm as she spoke.
"He worries too much," Brennan said.
Jenna smiled. "BP is ok. Feeling feverish at all?" She asked as she prepped the thermometer.
"No but I can't seem to get warm enough," Brennan said. "I usually know when I have a fever so I am guessing my dehydration and weight loss are causing me to feel cold."
Jenna nodded and popped the thermometer in her mouth gently to avoid aggravating her mouth sores. It beeped a few seconds later and they were both relieved when the reading was normal. "I'm going to lay you back. Brooks wants us to assess gastric sounds at every check now."
The manipulation was the last thing Brennan needed. Jenna noticed any color she had left in her cheeks drain away. "You okay?"
"No," she said as she tried to sit up. "I need to go to the restroom."
Jenna helped her and waited at the door for her to finish. When she emerged, the nurse immediately helped her support her weight.
Once she was back in her chair she spoke. "I'm not sure how much longer I can take this."
"I'm going to page Dr. Brooks," Jenna said. The admission that she was suffering was huge for her patient. She didn't take it lightly.
Brennan nodded and the room began to spin. Her mouth began to salivate and she knew she was going to vomit. Thankfully, Jenna noticed first and grabbed the pager. "I need booster of antiemetic stat."
Only about 45 seconds later she pressed the syringe into Brennan's line. "Relax," she said gently. "Better?"
Brennan blew out the breath she had been holding. "Umm hmm," she managed to mutter.
Jenna finished checking her out. "I'm going to put you NPO until Dr. Brooks gets in. He's probably going to want to run a few tests to see what's going. Your digestive tract is doing flip flops right now," she said as she tucked her stethoscope in her scrub pocket.
Brennan went to sit up a little and Jenna helped her get comfortable. "I'm quite certain flip flop is not a medical term but it is very much an accurate descriptor. At least I don't have to try to eat for the time being," she said.
"I'll send the bug man back in," Jenna said. "You better text or call your bodyguard. He will lay an egg if he gets here and finds out you had another issue."
"I'm guessing 'lay an egg' is an expression indicating that he will become worked up," she said with a smile as she realized she had not misinterpreted the phrase. "I'll give him a call."
"Sounds good. Try to save any more exciting events for the day nurse's shift, will you," the nurse said as she patted her on the leg. "Turn on a mindless television show and try to relax."
"Thanks, Jenna. I'm sorry for adding to your workload."
"I'm just kidding. You are actually a pretty good patient. Stubborn but you're doing well. I won't ask for a patient swap anytime soon." She said with a smile.
With that, she exited the room and left the door open for Hodgins to enter.
"You okay, Dr. B?" he asked. She looked comfortable but pale and her hair was wet with sweat.
She nodded. "I'm feeling slightly better now. I'm not up to running a marathon but at least I no longer feel like I'm going to pass out. Could you hand me my phone? I'm going to need to let Booth know that I'm going to have some digestive function tests soon."
"Sure. I better text him too. He may shoot me if he gets your text first," Hodgins joked and began typing on his phone.
Brennan sat her phone on the rolling table and waited for it to buzz with a response from Booth. "Hodgins?" She asked. "Did you keep the letter you wrote to Ange when we were in the car?"
"I did. I have it tucked away with some of my personal paperwork," he said. "She knows I wrote to her but I've never shown it to her. Did you write to Booth?"
She drew a breath. Was her affection for him that transparent all those years before? "Yes. I've never told him about it. I feel as though I need to write another letter for him now."
"Don't talk like that, Dr. B," he said and he moved beside her and grabbed her hand. "You remember when we were stuck down there?" He looked into her eyes for a nod. He couldn't imagine how she could have forgotten about that but he had asked for emphasis. "You were the one that had faith. You kept coming up with ways to get us out of there. I wanted to give up and you kept us alive."
"That was different, Jack." She sounded so small. She was definitely not her confident self at the moment.
"I know but the way I look at it, this situation is easier. You have more people with you, fighting for you. You have one of the best doctors in the country and no crazed lunatic is running you over with a car or scrambling your brain with a Taser. You can do this, Dr. B," he said with a squeeze of her hand.
"When Booth looks at me, it's like he knows I'm doubting myself. I think he is afraid I'm going to die," she said.
Hodgins thought for a second. He needed to be sure of how to phrase his next statement. "You need to think about what he is seeing unfold before him. Think about it for a second. Just over a week ago, you were at a crime scene with him and today, don't take this personally, you don't look well," he said.
She took in a harsh breath of air. "I know, but I'm doing the best I can."
"And he knows that, Dr. B. It doesn't make it any easier for him to watch you, though. Angie is the same way. She's scared to death for you," he explained. "She and Booth are both sensitive. Neither of them doubts you; they just can't hide their fear."
He studied her reaction for a moment. "Are you afraid of what may happen?"
"I shouldn't be. I know that if I don't survive this, you will all continue to live your lives but over the last few years, I've learned that life is enjoyable. I find that I want to continue to be here. I'm not just talking about work either," she said. "I'm worried about what may happen to Booth if I don't make it."
Hodgins was no psychologist but he knew what was going on. "Booth knows you are scared and that's why he is looking at you like he doubts you. He's not used to seeing you be afraid. Heck, I'm not either. The whole time we were buried, you weren't scared. You were determined. Scared doesn't suit you well," he said with a smile.
"I'm not sure I can be determined right now. I can't even trust my own body not to fail," she was honest with Hodgins and herself.
"Then just be honest with him and let him take care of you. That way, he will feel like he has a purpose." He let a grin grown on his face. "Let him do the things you would normally not allow. Don't fight him when he fluffs your pillow or rubs your back."
Brennan just nodded. She had gained the information she needed. "So, what do people watch on TV at night?" she asked.
"Ever seen Dancing with the Stars?" he asked and reached for the remote.
Just as they settled on the channel, Hodgins' phone rang. "Game over?" he questioned as he answered. "She's okay. I think she almost passed out on the nurse at one point but they had kicked me out so she'll have to tell you about that." He paused, obviously preparing to answer questions. "No, they put her NPO," he was interrupted by the FBI Agent who didn't know what NPO was. "Nothing by mouth," he elaborated. "You want to talk to her?"
He handed the phone to Brennan. He was surprised when her answer was, "No, I feel better than I did a few minutes ago, though. At least the room isn't spinning and I'm not on the verge of syncope at the moment." She listened as he spoke. "Yes, Dr. Brooks has been paged and Jenna said my vitals are alright. Did Parker's team win?"
"I'm sure he is quite upset about that," she said. "Maybe you can take him for ice cream this weekend since you needed to get back here." She didn't demand he stay with Parker. She considered it her first move toward letting him take care of her.