Sleepless Night
Twelve Days After Rescue – Special Forces Base Hospital – Blaze's Room – 0200 (2:00 am)
Blaze hung up with Ed and immediately dialed the General. As he had spoken with Ed he had debated whether to call the General, Winds or Zach. He decided on the General. If Winds was on protection detail like he assumed he would likely ignore a call from him thinking it would be personal. Knowing Winds as well as he did, he would ignore all personal items until he was off protection detail. Just the way he operated.
He hoped to god the General answered. Zach might answer but he did not have an encrypted phone and he didn't want to say anything on a non-encrypted line, too risky. He could use code but Zach wouldn't understand. But then again Zach could just hand the phone off to Winds. Although he didn't think of that until after he dialed the General.
The General better answer or he was gonna have to get out of bed and go find him. Blaze gripped the hanging bar above his bed and shifted his weight trying to get comfortable. As much as would want to go find the General in reality that wasn't gonna happen.
He could barely move and he really needed more ice. Every damned muscle ached from his PT sessions with Lizzy. She was definitely kicking his ass, asking more than he thought he could do, but she helped him get it done.
As the phone was on the fourth ring he thought the General had not answered any previous calls but he never called this late so maybe, hopefully …
[His secure phone rang; he looked at the time 0200, only a half hour of sleep. Christ who was it now he thought as the phone rang a second time?
William looked at the number on the third ring. Blaze at this hour? He had avoided him for so long focusing on his single task.
He still couldn't tell him all but decided to answer given it was such a late hour or actually better said an early hour for a call. It was not like him to call at this time. It must be important.
Just after the fourth ring a little groggily he answered "Braddock."]
"Sir, Blaze. You have a security problem" Blaze stated authoritatively.
["Details?" he answered sitting up instantly on edge. God damned fate. It was a fucking four letter word in his mind right about now.]
Without naming Blondie at all Blaze explained what Ed had told him and how the information had made it to them. "I assume they are with him. They need to know. No directed threat but he should be moved."
["I wish I could, not cleared for travel. Location is the safest we have there. Thanks for the heads up. I'll take it from here" General Braddock responded and both hung up.]
Blaze did not like the situation but there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He could only hope that Blondie's condition improved enough to get him home soon. He understood that they had no safe houses there that would meet the needs Blondie had right now. Even though the hospital was the safest location there it was still too open.
He was irritated with himself, had been since he woke up in the hospital weeks ago and found out what had happened to everyone. Blondie was in this position because he failed to protect Daphne and Ben at the safe house. Because he had been too god damned distracted by personal issues to make sure they were not followed.
Stupid rookie mistake and he was so far from being a rookie it wasn't funny. It was like the damned parachute incident all over again. Blondie jumped to the rescue when he fucked up.
But so many more had paid the price for his inattention this time. Blondie, Winds, Angus, Hal, Daniel, Cameo, Daphne, Ben and the SRU team all would not have been hurt if he had just done his fucking job better that day. For the first time ever he wondered if he was getting too old to be in the field. It made him very agitated.
As he tried to relax he thought. Daniel and Hal thank god had recovered well from their wounds and were back on duty like Winds. He needed to visit Angus tomorrow now that he was out of isolation and could have visitors.
It would be a long recovery for Angus. It was sad to hear him struggle with the knowledge that it had ended his career. The bullets had damaged one kidney and his liver beyond repair. Luckily he had gotten a liver transplant and he could live with one kidney. But his JTF2 life was now gone.
Blaze was just glad that it hadn't ended Angus's life. They would all be there for him. Help him make the transition and find a new life. Maybe he should get him in contact with Spike.
They were both into geeky, techie things and bombs. That might help Angus out of the blues and find a path forward. He decided he would contact Spike tomorrow and enlist his help. Much like Pawn and Russ had enlisted his in helping Cameo. With the PT they had now, he could see Cameo making a full recovery.
He lay staring at the ceiling a long time. Blaze felt intense guilt for what had happened to everyone but especially Blondie. His body drained but his mind raced through so many memories, both good and bad.
A long time later he looked at the clock on the wall 0500. He knew he had another PT session with the Ice Queen in four hours, he needed some rest. Drawing on his training he forced his mind to slow and quiet down and he finally slipped into an exhausted sleep.
Special Forces Base – General's Office – 0210 (2:10 am)
"God dammit" he raged as he stormed to his desk. He should have kept the damned Priority 1 in place. He had gone soft and wanted to let friends and family know something. But he didn't foresee these injuries or complications at the time, just broken ribs and injured ankle along with bruising is what he thought he was dealing with when he lifted the blackout.
Samuel had concussions before and never had an issue like this. Twenty/twenty hindsight was such a bitch sometimes. It showed you all your flawed thinking.
General Braddock dialed and when answered asked "Travel status?" He got an answer that pleased him greatly. He continued "Compromised. Prepare exfil package plus two within four. No directed threat but all force authorized to keep package safe. Bring medical records. Go code sent separate."
Winds responded "Wilco" and they hung up. Winds would know exactly what to do. William needed a go code. His tired mind struggled to come up with one. His eyes landed on his coffee maker. He texted 'coffee' to Winds.
He stood and walked to the coffee maker and started it now instead of its pre-programmed 0500 start time. William rubbed his sleepy eyes as he watched the lifesaving dark liquid start to drip into the carafe. He quickly switched out his cup for the carafe and watched it fill. Putting the carafe back in place he took the full cup and sat down.
As he set it down to cool he thought Zach was going to be pissed but he could not go where they were going. The destination was one of their deepest cover safe houses and non SF personnel were not allowed.
He trusted Winds to explain sufficiently to Zach. There was also the fact that Zach's arranged leave was rapidly coming to an end only two days left until he had to report to his base.
As he blew on the coffee he thought that he truly owed his brother Ryan for all his help. He would have to thank him somehow. If it weren't for him, Samuel may not have made it out of the desert alive. He had arranged his rapid transport to Afghanistan. He arranged for a two-week leave for Zach.
Taking a much needed long drink he thought that he owed Zach too. He would make it up to his nephew somehow. Zach had handled this well for his age and experience. He had all the qualities they looked for in recruits for Special Forces and JTF2; he was a prime candidate. Might just have to talk to him and see if he was interested now that he met the age and length of service requirements.
As the caffeine jolted his system into gear the General dialed again "Mike, travel ready. Wheels up in four at most. Destination same. Records will accompany. Immediate staff plus two with package. Go code sent separate."
[Mike responded "Wilco" and they both hung up.]
William texted 'coffee' to Mike.
It was all he needed to say. Lieutenant Galloway would know exactly what to do. They had already discussed most of the plans for when Samuel was ready to travel. He already had the details he needed to arrange appropriate transportation.
He pulled the file on his desk to him and opened it. He reread the latest detail his analyst had dug up on number sixteen. He would try the last committee member one more time. If he did not get agreement from her later today it would have to just have to wait until after he saw that Samuel was settled and safe.
General Braddock looked over at the bags in the corner of his office. Bags he had packed for Samuel and himself days ago. He had crammed as many items in them as he could think of that might help jog his memory. They contained pictures of all the family, his unit buddies, his SRU team, a few mementos from Samuel's bedroom, his medals, and a jersey of his favorite hockey team among other things.
Yvonne had looked at him strangely when he grabbed the items. She knew he could not explain but she trusted him. How she handled the stress of not knowing all these years he never knew. What he did know was she was a strong resilient woman. He thought that it was a good thing Samuel got a large dose of her in his genes. That same resilience had helped him through so much.
He had hugged Yvonne long and hard when he saw sadness enter her normally bright eyes. She was an astute woman and based on what he was putting in the bags and knowing Samuel had a concussion she had worked it out.
William saw when final confirmation hit her as he put the last two items in the bag. Two special coffee mugs Samuel had bought for when they shared their morning coffee during his lung recovery. They each had a large image of an alien on them; one was labeled 'Dad' the other 'Son'.
He turned his head back to the papers before him. Inhaling the rich scent of coffee and taking another sip he focused again. No more sleep tonight; need to figure out her agenda.
Spike's Home – 2:30 am
Rubbing his hands over his head in frustration for the last five minutes Spike was at his wits end. He muttered aloud "Dammit, just dammit. You cannot die on me now. Come on. You have to work."
One knee was bouncing quickly up and down as he stared at the innards of Beauty. For the last forty minutes he had been trying to figure out why she would not hold a charge anymore.
Old, just old he thought. Then he thought no not just old, utterly prehistoric when it came to technology. This was over seven years old. In the tech world things become old after a few months. He had researched the schematics of Beauty but not much was found on something this ancient. He had tried so many things. Nothing was working.
He looked at the clock on his desk, 2:30 am. He shouldn't call but he needed to bounce ideas off of someone. He needed to fix Beauty and quickly.
Samtastic needed Beauty and he could not fail him. Reluctantly he dialed the phone. He hated to call so early in the morning, but he was sure he would forgive him for waking him up.
[Angus startled when his phone rang. Who would be calling at this time of day? He reached over and saw it was Spike. He answer "Hey man, what ya doing up at this hour, working the night shift again?"]
Spike was surprised the phone was answered so quickly "Nah, not tonight, but tomorrow. You sound to awake to have been sleeping yourself. What are you doing up at this ungodly hour?"
["Just couldn't sleep. Glad ya called. How's things going? Heard you got to use the special toy I gave ya" Angus said smiling.]
"Saved our butts; been meaning to call you and thank you for that. That extra fifteen seconds let us all get out. You need to see about getting a few more of those to get lost and make their way to me" Spike hinted not subtly at all.
[Laughing at Spike's suggestion Angus said "Well I'll see if I can get the guys to bring me the supplies to make a few more for you and send them your way."]
Spike recalled their conversation on the way to get Daphne and dawning hit and surprise laced his words "Man, you're the bright inventor? You invented them? These are your babies? Sweet."
[Angus replied modestly "Yeah, well I was getting a little slow in my old age and needed more time to run away when all else failed, so. You know the saying 'necessity is the mother of invention'."]
Spike smiled "Damn you're good, hope you patented it. You could make a fortune selling those to bomb squads worldwide. Hey I'm calling because I need help. Beauty died. Need to resurrect her."
He went on to explain all he had tried so far. They discussed options. For the next few hours they worked together brainstorming ideas and testing things out.
Spike finished the final solder point on their last attempt. "Okay, done. If this doesn't work I'm going to have to find a replacement and transfer the music. But I really don't want to do that. Fingers crossed."
[Angus grabbed his water and took a drink. The past two hours had been therapeutic for him. He had not seen a future outside JTF2. As he helped Spike with beauty he realized he had a lot of skills he could employ outside of the military.
The beginnings of an idea formed in his head. He could start his own tech business. Spike was right about the bomb tech. He could sell it, he could train others; his options were wide open.
"So did it …" he was cut off by loud excited whooping. Yep it worked, Angus smiled and he waited for Spike to calm down.]
Spike couldn't contain himself. Loud excited shouts of triumph exploded from his mouth as he jumped around. They had done it. "Beauty is alive, she's alive. We did it. Thank you so much Angus. You have no idea how much this means to me. To Sam. Thanks man. If you need anything, I mean anything just call me. Day or night. Anytime."
[Angus heard Spike rambling and cut in "Spike, whoa settle down a bit. I'm glad I could help but it was mostly you. I just listened."
He yawned deeply and for the first time in days he thought he could actually sleep. Helping Spike had released all the pent-up tension about his future that had kept him from sleeping.]
Spike heard the yawn and looked at the clock, damn near five am. "Thanks again Angus. Sounds like you are pretty tired. I'm gonna go now and let you sleep. But I mean it, you need anything, anytime, you call."
Angus acknowledged he would and elicited the same from Spike before they both hung up.
Looking at the battered case and ratty ear buds Spike sighed. He really wished Sam didn't need Beauty ever again that it could just lie quietly unused in a draw for the remainder of Sam's life.
He corrected himself, Sam's 'long' life. Looking at the clock he knew he should get some sleep. But instead he went to the kitchen.
Spike grabbed a glass and opened the fridge. He moved aside his mom's large green and orange bag to reach for the milk carton. As he poured the milk he smiled.
His ma was the best. She made a special treat for him to take in for the team tomorrow, well technically today he thought. The night shift didn't offer many good places for dinner. She had made the entire team a pan of her special lasagna. Before he left for work there would be fresh baked bread too.
He sat at the table drinking the milk and thought. What would be the best way to get Beauty to Sam? He couldn't afford for it to get lost in the mail. He decided to text the General and let him decide how to get it to him. He pulled out his phone and sent 'Need to get Beauty to Sam. Charged and ready. What's the best way?'
Spike washed and put away the glass. He picked up his phone to head back into his room to get some sleep when he saw the General had already responded.
Wow that was fast, he didn't expect a response for hours. It read 'Advise where courier can pick up at noon today'. He texted back 'SRU HQ'. The instant reply was 'Roger, thanks.'
Relieved that Sam would have Beauty soon he crawled into bed. Spike fell into a fitful but not unpleasant sleep. Images of good times with Lou and Sam filled his dreams.
Wordy's Home – 3:00 am
Wordy was still shuffling around the house quietly unable to sleep. He had made it home a half hour ago after staying a bit with Jules. She was doing much better by the time he left. As he wandered aimlessly around his house he had checked in on his wife and daughters several times.
Contentment flowed through him as he gazed on their sweet sleeping faces from their doorways. He was glad Allie was sleeping through the night again. She had lots of nightmares in the past months since they lost Lou and then with Sam being gone. His sleep had been not so good either. He wondered if his sensitive, empathetic daughter was picking up on his unsettled mood.
He tried real hard not to let it show at home. But Shel knew, she always knew. All the cuts on his arm a few weeks ago had been a clear indicator to her he had finally lost it.
She had held him close and tight at first but then pulled away and lightly laughed. Shel made him laugh out loud when she asked why he couldn't just lose it at home and punch a few walls here. That way she could get him to repaint the bathroom and their bedroom.
Flicking on the light in the kitchen, Wordy's eyes landed on the spot that Sam had punched a hole in. Sam and Jules did a great job patching it. No one would ever know a hole had been there unless they had watched as Sam slammed his fist through the wall.
Shel absolutely loved the soft yellow walls in the kitchen. When she went with Sam to select the paint color she told Sam it would make the kitchen feel warm, safe, inviting and happy.
Wordy opened the fridge and stared. Not really knowing what if anything he wanted. His eyes landed on green jello; they must have had that for desert tonight. Sam liked green jello. He grabbed the half empty bowl and a spoon from the drawer and sat at the kitchen table.
Staring at the soft yellow walls he absently spooned in one mouthful after another. He wished Sam was here. The injuries Dale described sounded terrible. How alone and scared Sam must feel right now. Wordy got lost in memories of Sam and the team.
The spoon entered his mouth and he realized there was nothing on it. He looked at the bowl and smirked. He'd polished off the entire contents without noticing. He looked up when he heard Shel enter the room. What was she doing up so early?
He hoped he hadn't woken her up "Shel, sorry I was trying to be quiet. I didn't mean to wake you so early."
Shel saw the tiredness on her husband's face. He hadn't been to bed yet. She yawned, stretched and said "Kev it's not so early, you didn't wake me. The alarm did; need to fix breakfast for the girls soon. Just need to get some coffee started first."
"Shel, it's only three am. Go back to bed" Wordy said watching his lovely wife start to fill the coffee pot with water.
"Kevin, its five thirty in the morning" she said pointing to the clock.
At his look of confusion she walked over and hugged him. Something was truly bothering him if he lost two and a half hours. She knew he had to be back at work by noon so said "Kev, you really need to get some sleep. Why don't you go to bed? I'll wake you around ten or so."
He continued to sit so she tugged him up and led him to the room and gently pushed him towards the bed "Sleep. Now. If you need, we can talk before you go into work. The girls will be at school so we can talk privately." She hugged him once more then left the room closing the door.
Wordy plopped down onto the bed not bothering to even kick off his shoes. He was so worn out he was asleep in seconds.
He woke startled in the sunshine filled room. He turned his head to the side to look at the time, seven am. He then saw the reason for his waking. Three delightful little girls all smiles and fresh for their day staring at him.
Shel came in "Girls I said let your daddy sleep."
Wordy sat up. "No Shel it's alright. Come here and give me a hug. I've missed you all" Wordy said opening his arms wide.
Three little girls rushed forward. Hugs given all-round the girls scooted off the bed.
"Have a great day girls. I'll try to call before bedtime tonight" he called out as they headed out of the room.
He lay back down. Allie rushed back in. "Daddy I forgot, I drew this for Uncle Sam. Can you send it to him?" She handed him a folded piece of paper.
Wordy smiled "Sure sweetie. He'll love it when he gets it."
As she ran from the room to catch up with the others to leave for school Wordy opened the paper. He had no idea how to get it to Sam but his smile broadened as he looked at it. She was quite the little artist.
She had drawn a knight with yellow hair and blue eyes on a black horse slaying a huge dragon breathing fire. Below the picture was a caption in child scrawled print that was a bit difficult to make out with the misspelling but he knew it read 'Prince Charming keeps us safe'.
His eyes slipped closed thinking how right Allie was.
Greg's Home – 4:00 am
He couldn't fall asleep. He had lain there for two hours staring up at his ceiling and as was still awake. Greg rolled out of bed and made his way to the kitchen in the dark.
Maybe a small snack would help him sleep. Taking the pan out from the cabinet he hit his hand on the edge and the pan clattered to the ground making lots of racket. He shook out the mild pain in his hand and picked up the pan. An old memory flashed in his head of Sam dropping a pan while making them breakfast. Christ those jalapenos were hot.
He placed the pan on the stove and changed his mind as to what he was going to make. He had intended to make a grilled cheese sandwich. He went to the fridge and pulled out eggs, cheese, ham and onions. Simple. An omelet sounded like the right thing to have right now. He tossed the bread in the toaster; toast with jam was in order to as the full memory of that morning rode through his mind.
When he was done making it he sat alone at the table. His mind settled on the memories of the time Sam stayed with him. Regardless of the circumstances that had caused Sam to stay with him, it had been nice having someone to share breakfast with. He looked around his lonely kitchen and sighed. Greg took a bite of his omelet, not bad, but not as good as Sam could make.
Greg was constantly surprised by his rookie. It was funny how after so much time he still thought of Sam as the rookie even though he was fully competent and no longer the rookie of the team. Hell he was more competent than many officers in SRU who had been here years longer.
But Sam still surprised him with his hidden abilities. The way he led the unit and team several weeks ago showed even another side to him. He really was TL and Sergeant material. He hoped Sam would come back to the SRU when his commitment to the Army was over. They needed men like him.
That thought brought home the fact that injuries described tonight might just end both careers. Greg kept his mind on the positive. Sam would pull through. He had been through worse.
Greg was thoroughly impressed at his ability to bounce back from adversity and the way he met challenges head on. Spike's name truly fit the young man 'Samtastic'. But the team was devastated to hear of his injuries tonight. He needed to keep watch on their mental states.
Spike had talked nonstop on the way to the barn. He did that when he was upset. On the way to his house he had become so quiet and a determined look set in his face when he realized Beauty was not holding a charge. He had muttered he had only charged it this morning so it shouldn't be dead.
Greg had barely stopped the car when Spike jumped out and said a fast bye as he raced into his house. He worried most about Spike. If Sam did not make it back he wondered how long it would be before Spike left SRU. He was constantly being recruited by CSIS and high tech firms, they all wanted him.
Thank god for Wordy. He knew that Jules would be safe in his hands. He would get her home and do what was necessary to calm and reassure her. She was trying valiantly to hold it together. He could see her distraction all night. Greg wished some rules did not exist. Those two, Sam and Jules made a great team. Their connection to each other strengthened the partnership rather than detracted from it. They were so in tune with each other it was scary sometimes.
He and Eddie had been surprised that they had chosen the team over a relationship. Even though they had joked with each other in the locker room that they didn't really see Sam and Jules as a couple. It was hard to watch and see Jules so hurt by all of this; he wanted the woman he viewed as a daughter to be happy.
But Jules needed to have her head on straight be focused by tomorrow or he would bench her. He would talk to her while the rest of the team worked out to make sure. Not being focused could get her hurt or killed and Sam was counting on the team to protect her.
Sam thought he hid his over-protectiveness of Jules, but every single one of the guys on the team saw it clearly. They all privately laughed when Jules laid into him when he over-stepped. Sam was usually quick to apologize even if the action had been the right action to take. But there were a few times he held his ground and Greg thought the roof would blow off the building at the heated argument between them.
As he finished his omelet his mind drifted back to Wordy. He had surprised them all when he punched the glass wall. Wordy was always the calmest of them all. But he was having a tough time dealing with this too. Part of him was glad Wordy had done it. He was glad he wasn't hurt badly but it was the shock, the catalyst for them all to realize how badly they messed up again.
Greg was pleased that Leo had forgiven them and seemed to really enjoy his last two weeks with the team. He was proud of the way the team was welcoming Mike too. They all still wanted Sam back but were more accepting of the reality that he wouldn't be back for years and it was time to move forward and integrate someone new to the team.
As he washed up the dishes he thought about Ed. He could always count on Eddie. One word before he left with Spike and he knew what was needed. He was sure Ed had explained enough to Mike so he understood why they all left so abruptly after Dale's news.
Of all the team Ed seemed outwardly to be handling this best. He chalked that up to his TL responsibilities and his normal disposition. But underneath he knew Ed was raging. He knew Ed felt guilt; tons of guilt for what happened that hot summer day. And today's news probably just added to that guilt.
Ed blamed himself for the explosion. Ed told him it was his fault the timer dropped when he yanked Spike up. He felt useless as Sam struggled for his life with Qasim and kicked himself for not checking him out fully after the fight. It bothered him a great deal that Sam cleared the whole basement bleeding out.
He also blamed himself for yelling for the man to freeze instead of shooting him outright which allowed him to throw the grenade that Sam jumped on to save Ben. Ed carried a lot of guilt. Nothing Greg had said over the past weeks had made a dent in how Ed felt. Ed still needed to process those emotions. Greg knew he needed to watch Ed closely to ensure he was coping well enough to do the job.
Greg walked to his room and set his alarm. It was now six am. Four hours of sleep is all he would get before shift. He needed to be in earlier to finish the paperwork on Mike before shift started. Today was going to require tons of coffee. As he settled his head on his pillow he thought he might just have to try the iced capp Sam always liked so much.
Jules's Home – 5:00 am
She unlocked the door and entered her house. The run had helped clear her mind. She had driven to the park she and Sam liked to run and bike in an hour and a half after Wordy had left. Wordy had stayed with her as she had cried on his shoulder. His reassuring words that Sam was strong and had overcome worse injuries had bolstered her and helped her regain some control.
When he left around two am she had rummaged around her house looking for small things. If Sam had lost his memory he might need things to help trigger them. She had gathered several pictures of the team and their families from past picnics and other events.
But then she remembered he had lost his sight. She needed to find tactile items; things to engage his other senses. Something he could smell, feel, taste or hear. It took her a while to think of things she could send; whatever it was needed to be small, it had to travel very far.
Taste was the first item to come to her mind. She went to the kitchen and quickly whipped up a batch of his favorite cookies. She remembered the WOW smile he had given her the last time she had presented him a bag of cookies just before shift started one day. She laughed out loud remembering how Spike had begged and begged him to share. Sam finally relented and shared half of one.
When she had presented Spike with his own bag of cookies Spike had run away when Sam demanded his half cookie back. Sam took Spike down with a flying tackle in the hallway of HQ. Ed, Sarge, Wordy and she couldn't stop laughing as Sam and Spike wrestled on the ground. Sam finally succeeded in getting his half cookie back from Spike and shoved the whole thing into his mouth. Those two were such little boys sometimes. Surely the cookies would spark something.
As she was putting the cookies in the oven she realized it might also do for the sense of smell too. But then she had another idea. She ran to her bathroom and poured a small amount of her perfume on an index card. Jules quadrupled sealed it in plastic bags so the smell didn't invade the other items.
When they were dating Sam would nuzzle close when she wore that fragrance. He told her it was his favorite by far and that she smelled like heaven. She hadn't worn it since they broke up. She dabbed a small amount on her wrist now then went back down stairs.
She sat at the kitchen counter waiting for the cookies to finish baking. Her eyes landed on the top picture; one of the two of them standing next to their mountain bikes at the top of his favorite trail. That was a fun day she recalled. She grabbed her keychain and took his extra bike key off. She taped it to the back of the picture and added a post-it note explaining what it was. Whoever was with him could tell him what it was as he held the key and they describe the picture to him.
The timer went off and she pulled the cookies out to cool. Another thought came to her. She went to her bookshelf and pulled down the little box labeled Wanderlust Lodge. Somehow she became the keeper of the fears box they had made one night after Sam conquered his fear of the water.
Opening it she fingered each small item that represented the team's fears. None were bigger than a thumb. There was a plane, a cat, a clown, a spider, a snake, a shovel and a boat. She held the snake for a long time. Images of Lou drifted in. A few tears slipped out. She missed Lou so much still. She put all of them into a small zipper bag and wrote a small note to include with them.
It read: 'Sarge will never fly, says metal tubes thousands of feet in the air are unnatural. Clowns still scare Wordy, too bad Holly wants to decorate her room with clowns. Spike's dime sized spider is now the size of a puppy when he retells the story. Ed and cats still hate each other, saw him actually hiss at one in an alley on a call last week. Remember Lou was frightened of snakes. I still can't stand the thought of being buried alive, hence the shovel. The boat represented your fear of water. You are the only one of us to conquer your fear completely. You can conquer this too. Love, Jules and all the guys.'
She grabbed a cookie and munched on it. The last sense would be hearing. She opened her laptop and pulled up the video of the last picnic. She watched the ten minute montage Spike had made from all the snippets of videos everyone took that day. It had small clips of everyone talking. This would work nicely she thought. Jules copied it and several more still pictures to a memory stick.
Cookies cooled enough she packaged up all but five. She would take a small treat for the guys. Then she gathered it all together into a large envelope. She felt more settled. It felt like she was helping in some small way even though she couldn't be with him. But her mind was still racing with emotions and was unable to go to sleep.
That's when she decided to go for the run. Sam always said a run cleared his head. As she ran for an hour she had fumed angrily, laughed and cried as she recalled memories of Sam.
Running had definitely helped but Jules was exhausted now. She locked the door behind her and headed up the stairs. As she was getting ready to shower she realized she needed to figure out how to get the envelope of items to Sam. She texted the General, only he would know how.
In the extra-long shower she let the hot water wash away her negative thoughts. It was important to stay positive. She towel dried her hair then combed through it and put it into a ponytail. As Jules pulled on shorts and a tank top to sleep she saw the perfume on the counter. Picking up the little bottle she dabbed a bit on her wrists again.
The clock read 5:56 am; she set the alarm for 11 am. Shift would be rough tonight with so little sleep. She thought she could just make it in on time with a Timmy's run if she set the alarm for ten-thirty instead. She changed the alarm, coffee was going to be a must have not a nice to have today.
Jules checked her phone as she sat on the edge of the bed. One new text message it indicated; she was surprised to get a response so quickly. Jules pulled it up and noted the General said a courier would pick it up at SRU HQ at noon today. Nice.
She smiled, curled up on the side of the bed Sam had normally slept on and pulled the covers over her head blocking out the first rays of sunshine of the day. As she drifted to sleep the scent of Sam's favorite perfume wafted around her and she thought of the last time they kissed.
Sam's Apartment – 3:00 am
After hanging up with Blaze, Ed had sat in the Goose parking lot not sure where to go. He was in no condition to go home to Sophie and Clark. He was too angry. He had watched as Mike and Dale headed out about 2:15 am. He had decided where to go. It was unorthodox and he could get in trouble but it felt right and necessary for some reason.
At three am he was still sitting in the apartment complex parking lot. He was debating whether or not to go in. Finally he opened his car door, locked it and headed into the lobby. Being so early in the morning he met no one. It was a fast ride to the tenth floor.
Ed found himself outside of 1008 staring at the lock. This was a complete invasion of privacy. He shouldn't be here. He picked the lock anyway. Entering the apartment he closed the door behind him and switched on the light. Military neat and sparse. Except for two plates, one with a moldy partially eaten sandwich on it and two soda cans sitting on the family room table.
He walked to the desk. Six pictures as always. Ed looked at the one of Sam and Matt. He picked it up and noticed that Ben truly was a carbon copy of his dad. They had the same soft green eyes. He set it down in the exact place. He looked at the other pictures. His eyes landed on the team. That had been a good picnic. He, Sam and Jules had beaten the pants off Spike, Lou and Wordy in volleyball that day. He gut churned, two, two are gone.
Looking closely at Lou grief and anger swelled. Dammit there was absolutely nothing he could do to save Lou that day. He was still riddled with guilt even though he knew it wasn't his fault. Ed blew out a ragged breath. He was responsible for the men and women under his command. He had failed them in so many ways lately.
Ed shifted his gaze to the one of Sam diving into the lake. Giving Sam the picture had been Clark's idea. He picked it up and saw the note was still stuck to the back. Since then Sophie had invited Sam over a lot for dinner. He didn't always accept but often enough. He, Sam and Clark would invariably end up playing hockey, basketball or just throwing the ball around when he did join them for dinner. The past weeks with Sam gone had been tough on Clark and Sophie too.
He set the picture down and grabbed the plates and empty cans. He dumped the moldy sandwich and cans into the trash can then washed the plates and put them away. The moldy sandwich made him think about how long Sam had been away from his apartment. He opened the fridge.
The stench blew him away. Christ. There wasn't much but the few perishable items had completely rotted. He grabbed the trash can and emptied the fridge of the dead items then tied off the bag sealing in the foul odor. He grabbed vinegar and baking soda and completely deodorized the inside of Sam's fridge. The team should have remembered to do this a long time ago. Sam didn't need to come home to something like this. He was glad he had come now.
By the time he had finally gotten the smell out of the fridge it was near five. He went to check the bedroom to make sure there was nothing rotten in there. Unlikely but he should check. The first thing he saw was Sam's SRU boots set neatly by the foot of his bed. He peeked into the bathroom, nothing to deal with there. On his way out of the room his gaze landed on a piece of paper on the dresser.
Switching on the light to see what it was he picked it up. He got choked up when he saw it was a child's drawing of a duck. There were several brown finger prints around the edges. Dried blood, Blaze's blood from Sam's hands he realized. Sam found this at the safe house. The fire that had been just below the surface for weeks flared as hot as blue flame.
Ed set the picture down and switched off the light. He grabbed the foul smelling trash bag, switch off the lights and exited Sam's apartment making sure it was locked. He threw the bag down the garbage chute.
He headed for the stairs. There was too much fury in him to demurely ride an elevator. He stormed down ten flights of stairs and out the door to his car. He needed to release his rage.
SRU HQ – Gym – 5:30 am
Ed thundered into the barn and ignored Peter at the dispatcher's desk. He went directly to the lockers and changed into workout gear. He quickly wrapped his hands and headed for the heavy bag. All his failures in the past few months came pouring out his fists as he belted the bag with all his might.
Sweat ran down his face and drenched his shirt. He kept going. Hit after hit trying to assuage his guilt. All the could've, would've, should've thoughts his rational mind would have recognize as illogical were allowed as evidence to convict him of his failures. Every fist slammed into the bag corresponded to a mental blow as he beat himself up mentally for his failures that resulted in losing two team members.
Then the illogical part of his mind turned the vehemence onto Sam. Just what the hell did Sam think he was doing reactivating? Another JTF2 team could have saved Ben. The cocky little shit took too many unacceptable risks. He nearly got himself choked to death, stabbed to death, bled to death, blown to bits on a grenade and blown up by a bomb. And just what the hell unacceptable risks did he take to get himself in his current condition.
His mind flipped again and fury turned back to himself with a vengeance. HE FAILED SAM. He nearly let Sam get choked to death. He did not check Sam out properly afterward. He knew Sam always downplayed injuries, he should have checked. His fault Sam lost so much blood.
Completely his fault for the grenade, Sam protected the boy. Sam would not have had to jump on it if he had behaved as a soldier and shot the terrorist instead of trying to arrest him. Sam had known what frame of mind it would take in that building. Shoot first or die or get someone else on the team killed.
Then the bomb; wholly his fault. He had been so worried about losing anyone to a bomb again he failed to let Spike do his job. He caused the timer to drop by jerking Spike up. If it hadn't been for Mason's ability to carry Sam by himself and run at the same time, they would have still been in the basement and dead. Dead. He failed his whole team.
Failure, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch, failure, punch.
On and on it went.
Team Three was just getting back from a call that had them out for the last three hours. Peter called out to the Sergeant "Sergeant Cray, I think someone needs to check on Ed."
Rollie and Team Three stopped at the dispatch desk "Pete, what's up? Ed you say?"
Peter nodded his head towards the gym "He came in about 5:30. Changed and headed to the gym. He's been at the heavy bag ever since."
Checking his watch Rollie noticed it was almost 7 am. Christ an hour and a half at the bag. "Thanks Pete. I've got it. Guys, head into the briefing room. We'll debrief shortly." They nodded and headed to the briefing room while Rollie headed for the gym.
He stood watching Ed a moment. He was drenched in sweat. His punches were still fairly strong for going at it so long. But his saw the fatigue. He reached into the mini-fridge and grabbed two waters. Then strode over to the bag "Ed." No response "Hey Ed." Still no response. Loudly he said "Ed stop."
Ed registered Rollie near the bag. He stopped. "What?" he spit out angrily.
"Whoa don't bite my head off buddy. Just thought you could use a break. A drink of water maybe?" He held out a water bottle.
Ed took the water. Rollie sat on one of the benches "Wanna talk about what's bugging you?"
Downing nearly half the bottle of water first Ed responded still angry but slightly less heated "What makes you think something's bothering me?"
"Oh it could be that you just bit my head off. Maybe because from what Pete says you've beat the crap out of that bag for well over an hour if not closer to two. Or possibly that it is seven am, you haven't slept and you are due in here five hours from now for shift. Take your pick" Rollie said causally.
Ed glared at him and downed the second half of the water. Rollie opened the second bottle and passed it to him "Wanna talk to me or do I talk to Parker and get you removed from shift today? Clearly your head's not where it needs to be right now."
Feeling the exhaustion now that he had stopped, Ed sat on another bench. He had no desire to share his thoughts but he knew Rollie, they had worked together for several years on Team One before Rollie was fast tracked to Sergeant. If he didn't say something he would talk to Greg. Greg would remove him from shift today.
He decided on a safe but relatively truthful route "Just a lot of stress with all the changes with the team lately. Losing two great guys from the team so close together. Dealing with three new rookies in the span of a few months. Just needed to release the stress."
Rollie smirked "Yeah well I think you probably did that in spades this morning. Feel any better?"
Ed actually did feel better. Exhausted but better. Rational thinking had returned. Yes he screwed up, he was human. He didn't like that he had. But he could accept it and move forward. With Lou he knew there was nothing different he would have done that day. There was no way to predict a landmine being there. There was nothing he could do to save him that day.
With Sam in the tunnel, nothing he could do different there either, except Sam was being thoroughly checked out in the future regardless of what he said. Samo lied to him; they would have to talk about that. The grenade, it was his training that took over to yell freeze and there was no way to predict a grenade. Again he would not do anything different. Taking the terrorist alive might have yielded helpful information.
The bomb and Spike; yes he was wrong, very wrong to yank Spike. But Spike should have obeyed orders and left when he told him to. He may have been able to defuse the bomb, but they did not know if there were others. If it had been like the CN tower they all would have been dead.
Spike had taken an unacceptable risk. Damn Sam was rubbing off on Spike too much. Those two were something else. He remembered how Sam made a fool of himself that morning to bring Spike out of his moodiness. Maybe a bit of Spike was rubbing off on Sam too. The thoughts made Ed smile slightly.
Ed nodded to Rollie "Actually I do feel better. Just needed to work some things out. It helped." Ed rose and the full effect of his hours long eruption made itself known. He sat back down.
"Man, don't think you're in shape to drive home. Wanna ride?" Rollie said.
Shaking his head no Ed rose again "Nah, don't think I'll head home. Let Pete know that conference room 3 is occupied. Just gonna grab a few hours in there."
Rollie stood up "Sounds good. Need anything just ask." Rollie headed to the briefing room satisfied that whatever had driven Ed's behavior had been resolved in his head. He had watched as the anger ebbed away and calm had settled into his features.
Ed quickly texted Sophie to tell her where he was at and to say he'd call later. He set his alarm for 11:15 am. Then he stretched out on the floor with his arms behind his head. He could get about four hours sleep. Wouldn't be fun but with enough coffee he would be able to operate, he'd done it on less sleep before.
His last thought before nodding off made him smile. Sam would get a laugh out of him sleeping in conference room 3. It was the first place he had ever found Sam napping on his break; the first spot to make it onto the unacceptable nap location list.