Quigley opened his eyes wide in panic. Where was he? Colors blended into other colors, and there didn't seem to be anywhere to stand. He floated there for a bit, thinking. He remembered now, he had been hiding in a bush, and then he was… unborn? That seemed crazy, but here he was. He tucked his knees in, and did a flip. That was fun. He spun there for a while, then stopped. The colors continued to swirl, but now they looked like they were moving away from him. Slowly at first, almost imperceptible, but they began to move a bit more quickly. Quigley turned around, and saw that the colors on this side were moving toward him.

A digital watch floated past him, and bounced lightly off his cheek. He grabbed it and put it on. Very stylish. While he was looking at his wrist, a wind-up watch collided with his face, startling him. He put that on too, because, hey, free watch, but he kept an eye out. He ducked out of the way of a wall clock, then a grandfather clock. As he dodged various clocks, they came at him faster and faster. Without anything to push off of, except clocks, he wasn't able to get out of the way of the huge sundial that hurtled toward him, and it clipped his foot, causing him to spin sickeningly. This place seemed to have run out of clocks, but the colors continued to accelerate into a gross brown blur. Seriously, who even picked this color?

Suddenly, Quigley was thrown out of the cliched time travel sequence, and hit the ground at speed. The ground was covered in soft moss, but it still stung, going as fast as he was. Groaning, he got up, and looked at his surroundings. The plants were strange, and the animals were strange, but the Sun still looked the same. He looked up and waved at Apollo, who was pulling the Sun behind his chariot. Apollo waved back.

Quigley looked around, and saw some weird monsters walking around. "Dinosaurs, got it. Time travel. I know." said Quigley. He frowned. Where was he going to find moustache wax in the past? He heard the sound of someone running, but scuffing their feet on the ground. Probably a kid. Quigley moved toward the sound, but he hid in a bush. He loved bushes.

"Awesome! A baby dinosaur!" Preston yelled.

"Of course Preston is here." Quigley muttered to himself. "All of time to choose from, and he ends up here too." He continued to watch Preston, out of sight, but he soon got bored. "Since I'm stuck in the past, I guess I don't need this anymore." Quigley pulled out his wallet, which was always tucked in his back pocket, and it made sitting down uncomfortable. He tossed his wallet in a pond, and sat down at the shore. His butt felt much better now.

After admiring the pond for a while, he got up to go for a walk. He didn't see the sign on the other side of the pond that read "Dinosaur Bank".

A couple of hours went by and Quigley found Preston again. He was doing something dumb, Quigley had no doubt, but as long as he wasn't kissing Shay, he had no problem with him. He was holding and petting a baby dinosaur. Quigley found it strange that the dinosaur's parents hadn't eaten Preston yet. Something on Preston's neck started to hum and glow, and Preston shot forward and disappeared. Almost instantly, Quigley found himself yanked forward after Preston, back into the colorful clock-filled world.

He exited back into 1991, and rolled to a stop. He instantly regretted throwing his wallet into the pond. He was hungry, and he didn't have any money for food. Grumbling, he walked off. He could make it to the bank by the time it opened.

He arrived at the bank at whatever nonsense hour the bank decided to open that day. "I lost my credit card, and I need a new one." Quigley told the teller.

The teller pulled up Quigley's account, and without any discretion at all, shouted "Great Caesar's ghost! You're crazy rich!"

This confused Quigley, who had never been a rich man. He looked at the computer monitor, and noticed that it was branded 'Dinosaur Bank'. Time stopped, and an elevator made of angels crashed through the bank's ceiling. The doors opened, and both God and Jesus stepped out.

"Quigley!" spoke Jesus. "We've been waiting for you to get back to 1991. Compound interest has made you stinking, filthy rich! You are finally rich enough be a god, like us!" Jesus placed his hand on Quigley's forehead, and lightning arced over Quigley's whole deal.

Quigley had never felt this rich before! He felt like he could do anything! "Nyaa ha ha ha ha!" Quigley cackled. "It's time to stop those two from dating, once and for all!"

God and Jesus watched him fly off. They both looked at each other and shrugged. Jesus used the bank's hand sanitizer, and they got back on the angel elevator.

Preston walked into his house, and found Shay. "I got you a present!" he said.

"Aww!" Shay's eyes turned into little hearts. "It's a baby Archaeopteryx! Where did you find it?"

"I went to the past!" Preston said, proudly.

Unfazed by this, Shay pet the little bird-o-saurus on the head, and fed it some cheese.

There was a rumbling sound, and the house started to shake. Preston went outside to see what the deal was.

The deal was Quigley, flying slowly toward the house. Around him, trees were uprooting, and the ground was cracking and burning where the bright green lightning struck around him.

"Preston!" he called. "This is the end for you! It's time… for death!" Quigley had planned something more impressive to say, but he was so excited that he messed up his line.

Preston leapt into the air and blasted him with money lightning. Quigley's own lightning simply absorbed Preston's, leaving Quigley untouched. "You'll have to do better than that!"

A fully grown uprooted tree flew into Quigley's hands. It and Quigley disappeared, and reappeared directly over Preston's head. Quigley swung downward and drove Preston into the ground, like a sexy tent stake. It was at that moment, that Preston realized that Quigley might be richer than he was.

Preston exploded the ground around him, sending it flying into Quigley's eyes. Temporarily blinded, Quigley dropped the tree to tend to his peepers. Preston took the opportunity to fly full speed at him, and punch him as hard as he could in the tummy. Quigley barely even noticed.

Quigley casually finished wiping his eyes, and looked at Preston. He chuckled a bit, and then faster than Preston could see, Quigley struck him in the chest, sending him flying backward, crashing into his house, through the walls, into his ship, and through the bottom of the hull, onto the bottom of the pool. It didn't feel great. As Preston rubbed his damaged sternum, the ship began to sink around him, and Preston found himself back inside the boat. In front of him was his treasure chest of his remaining blank checks.

Getting an idea, Preston ripped the chest open, and devoured the checks. They were wet and didn't taste as good as they did when they were dry, but Preston wolfed them down as quickly as he could. As he swallowed the final, slimy mouthful, the water around him bubbled, turned to mist, and disappeared. His ship disappeared, and the land around him disappeared, leaving him standing in a pure white, featureless landscape.

He turned to look around, and behind him, saw a wall of digital displays. Each had very big numbers on it. There were names next to each. At the top was God, then Jesus, then Quigley, and then Preston. The number display next to Preston's name was increasing so fast that the numbers were all blurring together. An angel in a very nice outfit walked up to the board, holding a stick with a hook on the end. She rearranged the scoreboard, so that Preston's name was on top. The numbers finally stopped, and Preston's number was over twice as big as God's! Preston looked ever so slightly to the left, and saw dollar signs before each number. He slowly came to the same conclusion that you, dear reader, probably came to long ago; that Preston was now twice as rich as God himself, and was, therefore, a DoubleGod.

Twice as much money lightning as usual arced over Preston's whole deal, and he felt richer than ever! He laughed, triumphantly, and it was auto-tuned and everything! Preston was now the real deal.

"Time to teach Quigley a lesson." said Preston to himself, and appeared, 50 feet tall and covered in lightning, in front of Quigley.

Quigley looked up at him, eyes wide in terror.

"It's over now, Quigley." said Preston, reaching out and grabbing Quigley in his left hand.

"I repent my sins!" shouted Quigley, sensing his doom.

"I don't care." said Preston, who started to shrink, until they were the same size. They hugged it out. "I don't care, man." Preston repeated, crying.

"I'm sorry for what I've done." said Quigley. "I've been a big jerk. I just think the age difference between you and Shay is too much. Be her friend for a few years, and I think the relationship will be a lot healthier."

"I appreciate that." said Preston. They broke apart their embrace, and looked at the neighborhood around them. With a small wave of his hand, Preston undid all of the damage that he and Quigley had rained down upon the town.

"While you're fixing things," Quigley said. "I think we could use our power to make this world a better place. I'm going to start by getting rid of world hunger." He approached the oak tree in Preston's yard and slid his hand up the trunk. The tree glowed for a moment, and all of the tree's acorns became hams.

"That's a lovely ham tree!" said Shay. "Let's be together forever!"

Shay and Quigley walked, hand in hand, out of Preston's life forever, but it was okay. Preston still needed to beat Blank Check: The Video Game.

Three Years Later:

Preston was all grown up now. He walked through the busy downtown streets. A lot had changed since Buck Wiggles led this town on a sexual revolution with his hypnotic wiggling. A lot more people were wearing yoga pants, for one thing.

Preston sat on a bench for a while, under a ham tree. He looked up at it, and thought of Shay. He thought about her every day.

After a while, Preston got up and continued his walk. He entered a small grocery store, and picked out a loaf of bread. It cost a little more here than it did at the bigger stores, but Preston didn't mind. He thought this shop's bread tasted a little better.

He waited in line to pay. He glanced at the headline of the newspaper. "Quigley Wins Mayoral Election"

Preston grinned. "You did it, buddy. You finally did it."

Life was good.

The End

After-the-Credits Bonus Scene:

Preston's piano was delivered while he was out buying bread, but Preston wasn't there to answer the door, so the delivery guys just left a note on his door, and now Preston had to go pick it up from the Post Office. What a pain!