Chapter 25

I was a terrible friend. Here I was, actually stalking Bella while she was on her date. I was ashamed and mortified that I was doing it, but yet, no matter how aware I was that my actions were bordering on the side of psychotic, I couldn't help myself. The fact that she was out with Logan angered me and stirred my insides in ways that I had never felt before. I had never encountered such fierce feelings of protectiveness towards someone. I couldn't even allow myself to think that he might be touching her, god, what if he kissed her? Inappropriate feelings of rage overcame me whenever I thought of his lips touching hers, him pulling her close to his body while her breasts crushed against his chest. I was going to drive myself insane.

I watched from the darkness as they left her apartment. She looked amazing. Her jeans hugged every curve and showed how fit she was. She wore a beautiful red top, which was covered by a black jacket. She was looking up at Logan and laughing at something he said as he held the car door open for her. I kept telling myself to turn around, go home, but I found myself following them to the restaurant and then to the pub. Glutton for punishment.

Entering the pub, I took a position by the bar. I could see them clearly as Logan sat down beside Bella, put his arm around her and she tensed. If I had a heart, it would have skipped a beat. That minute burst of emotion gave me a small flicker of hope that she didn't want him touching her. Just as I had that thought, Bella looked in my direction so I quickly changed spots and moved further into the crowd, moving closer to her, but yet, not wanting her to see me. I felt her disappointment and I could feel the beginning of a smile appearing on my face. Was she disappointed that she didn't see me when she thought she did? Perhaps I was not alone in my feelings, did I dare to think that?

Bella's favourite song came blaring out of the speakers. It immediately brought me back to our weekend away as I had probably played it a hundred times since then. It felt like forever ago. The slow beats were very seductive and I had pictured myself dancing with Bella, our bodies close together and swaying to the beat every time I played the song.

I stepped out of the shadows, grabbed a seat at the end of the bar and noticed that Logan had pulled Bella, reluctantly, onto the dance floor. It was the first time that I noticed Bella's shirt had no back as I caught the briefest glimpse of her soft skin. My mind started to imagine my hands caressing that very surface. Logan turned her around and began pulling her even closer into his body. It was at that moment, Bella looked up and our eyes met. Every inch of my body was telling me to walk straight over to Bella, rip Logan's hands off her and claim her as mine. I had to fight with every bit of will power to remain still.

Logan leaned forward and whispered in her ear. Breathing heavily through my nostrils, blocking out every other scent in the crowded pub, I focused only on Bella's unique fragrance. A growl rumbled through my chest. It was as if I was a bull and someone was waving a red flag directly at me.

Bella and I continued to stare at one another when her emotions began to wash over me and I sat there soaking every single one of them deep into every pore. It was like I was emotionally starving for her and she was throwing a buffet at me. I moved slightly forward on the chair and felt Bella's confusion. My teeth were clenched so tightly together that I was waiting for them to shatter into a million pieces. I felt Bella's building desire as if she had slapped me in the face. I couldn't believe she would want him, Logan, and it was making me ill to watch his hands roaming over her body. I should get up and leave but I couldn't, I couldn't stand to think that she wanted him, but I was rooted in my spot. I had to see what happened next. I knew my imagination would only be ten times worse if I left it to my volition to think of what they were doing. It was cruel of her to be doing those things and enjoying them while she continued to hold me captive with her eyes, as if she were taunting me with those emotions. Was she even aware that she was doing it? I couldn't believe Bella would do something like that. Even if she had no idea how I felt about her, why would she be projecting her feelings toward Logan at me?

Unable or maybe unwilling to look away, I continued to watch as Logan's hands were now touching her bare skin. The moment he brushed her breast and I sensed her reaction, venom burst into my mouth. I was torturing myself by watching this. I knew my eyes had immediately darkened and I continued to wrestle with my conscience and not make a scene. She finally closed her eyes and released me. The longing was almost crippling. I couldn't believe how badly she wanted him and I was crushed. Closing down all my emotions, I finally got up from my seat in defeat and was about to walk away when above the noise of the crowd and the blaring music, I heard Logan moan. It was like a dagger being shoved into my cold dead heart. However, even though I was retreating further into the crowd, I heard Bella stop him from kissing her and then her declare she wasn't feeling well. I stopped and opened myself up to sense how she was feeling and watched as Logan brought her over to the bar. I drifted through the crowd, found a spot against the wall and waited for Bella's feelings to surface.

I was not prepared for what came next. She was ashamed and embarrassed. Why would she feel that way unless she didn't want to be with Logan? Then it was if a light turned on in my head. Were those feelings of longing and desire for me?

I stared at her long and hard, almost willing her to find me in the crowd and then she did. She quickly looked away from me and I decided I wasn't going to have any of that. It was time for me to declare my intentions and to clarify hers. I was determined to have her and now knew that I would let nothing and no one get in my way. I slipped through the crowd as if they weren't there and the moment I reached her I placed my hands on her knees, pulled them apart and stepped in close to her body. Her shock and nervousness did nothing to stop me from wrapping my fingers through the back of her hair and pulling her even closer. I could smell her arousal and my knees almost buckled.

"Those were some pretty strong emotions you were throwing around out there Bella. Tell me, the longing you were feeling, was it because you wanted to go further with him? Did his hands make you ache with desire? Was his touch as you thought it would be?" I leaned in even closer and inhaled her sweet, sweet scent as my nose ran along the side of her neck. "Did you like pressing your body against his?" I knew that if Bella were standing, she would be light headed as she was now holding her breath. I continued my questioning, determined to end this game we seemed to be playing. I wanted to be the only one for her and if she felt it, I needed to hear her say it as well. "Can you picture yourself lying with him, giving everything of yourself to him?" I brushed my lips against her earlobe, I had my senses so wide open that my hearing could pick up the sound of the goose bumps rising on her skin. It was taking every ounce of control that I had to continue slowly as I sensed the blood rushing to other parts of Bella's body. Parts that I was aching to touch and caress.

Then, finally, a spark of hope appeared when she quietly answered me with "No."

I pulled back, lightly tracing my fingers along the sides of her cheeks, placed both hands on the side of her face, and dared myself to ask. "Tell me Bella, who do you really want?" Praying that I would hear the answer I so desperately wanted.

Her pause felt like hours, it was as if I could hear the ticking of a clock as I waited for her to answer. "You, I want you." She whispered.

All rational thought left me and I closed the small gap between our lips as fast as I could. She was startled, but immediately responded when I traced her lips with my tongue. The feeling of her grabbing onto the back of my head, pulling me closer and moaning almost brought me to a release right then and there. I moved her forward on the seat, knowing it wasn't the time or place, but I was at the point where, if I could climb up on her right then and there and make love to her, I would. She was meeting my desire, my lust and wants full force and the heat from her body had warmed me to my core. Her legs wrapped around my waist and I knew that I had to get her out of there, immediately. I began to purr in excitement. Our bodies were as close as they could possibly be in a public situation.

The kiss began to slow as we both began to get a hold of our feelings. My hands finally found their way to that lovely patch of bare skin on her back that I had admired earlier in the evening. I smiled. It was as soft as I thought it would be and I couldn't wait to run my hands over every other part of her bare body. I pulled back and looked at her not believing that this was actually happening. I loved Bella and she had feelings for me. "I've wanted to do that for so long. It has been a slow death for me to think that you wanted Logan and would never want me in the same way I do you. I can't describe how it feels to have you this close and being with you like this. I want this with you Bella, I want to be your first everything from here on out. Will you please allow me the honour?"

"Is this another dream? If it is, please don't wake me. This is too good to be true. I want to experience everything that I've dreamt about with you and only you. Take me home Jasper." She whispered so seductively into my ear that I just about threw her over my shoulder and bolted out of the pub with her.

Instead, I took her hands and pulled her off the chair. I was gazing into her eyes and saw nothing but pure happiness in them when all of a sudden her mood changed to one of extreme guilt. I turned around to see Logan making his way toward us. He had a big smile on his face, which quickly faded when he saw me and noticed that I was holding her hand. He stopped in front of Bella and folded his arms across his chest. Whether he wanted to or not, the stance made him appear extremely aggressive and Bella became very nervous which in turn made me extremely protective.

"Just exactly what is going on here Bella?" He demanded.

I immediately placed myself in front of Bella, unsure of exactly what Logan was going to do. He may have appeared to be angry, but he was actually giving off feelings of resignation as if he wasn't surprised to see us together.

Since Bella was unable to determine emotions, she was immediately concerned that something was about to happen. She latched on to my hand and was pulling me toward her, tugging so that I would look down at her. "Please don't do anything, he's got a right to be angry and hurt and I'm sure he is going to say some not so nice things, but please, I don't want you to hurt him, no matter what happens." She whispered so that only I heard her.

I looked deep into her beautiful eyes as she begged this of me. How could I refuse her anything?

Logan continued to stare at Bella as he waited for an explanation. "What is going on here?" He reached out to put his arm on Bella's shoulder, but thought better of it as he caught my glare. I knew that the moment his hand touched her body I would have extreme difficulty in keeping myself together. If I lost control now, Bella would never trust me again. I had to keep it together and keep a level head. "Logan." I said slowly through clenched teeth and with complete menace. "I'd appreciate it if from this moment forward, you would refrain from touching Bella in any way shape or form."

Bella immediately put her free hand on my chest as if to hold me back and I looked down at her. She shook her head slightly but she realized that I was under control and she rubbed my chest where her hand lay and turned toward Logan. Logan gave me a quick once over and while I could tell he was not scared of me, he definitely did not want to start anything with me. "I deserve an explanation, Bella."

"I'm so sorry, Logan. I didn't mean to lead you on. I really wanted things to work with us, I really did." Bella was on the verge of tears as she begged him to understand.

"Wanted things to work? I thought things were going pretty well considering what just about happened on the dance floor. Tell me, if Jasper hadn't shown up here tonight, would you have let me kiss you?" He asked.

Bella glanced nervously at me and then back to Logan. She moved closer to Logan, which caused every muscle in my body to tense, but I had to let her handle this the way she felt most comfortable. I realized that her moving closer to Logan was so that she could speak to him quieter thus not allowing any one but Logan to hear her response. A few people had started to gather when they thought that something was going on. "Logan, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. Yes, at one point I did want to kiss you, but I realized that it wouldn't be right and I would have regretted it after. You are a really great guy, a REALLY great guy and I wanted so badly to like you that way, but I just don't. This was, obviously, not the way that I wanted tonight to go or how I wanted to discover my true feelings, but it is what happened and I can't say I am sorry enough."

Logan ran his hands through his hair and exhaled loudly. "Look, it's not like you were my girlfriend or anything, I just had hopes for that to happen. I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry with what has transpired, but I can see that it won't do me any good to make a big thing out of it as you have made your decision. I knew you had feelings for him, I knew it the night of your birthday. Jacob warned me that I was fighting an uphill battle."

Bella's posture immediately changed with Logan mentioned Jacob. Her guilt was palpable and she hung her head in shame. It disturbed me greatly that he had such a hold on her and it was a matter that I knew we would have to have a discussion about. We still hadn't been able to have a conversation since he left this morning

"You are truly a spectacular person Logan and I know that you will find someone out there that will love you the way that you deserve to be loved."

"Okay, that's enough of the 'it's not you, it's me' speech, I can't stand it. You'll understand that I very rarely hear it." I wasn't sure if Logan was trying to boost his own confidence or if he was trying to point out to Bella that he is normally not refused. "I do wish you the best Bella, but I am sure you'll understand if I'm not so friendly for a while."

"I understand." And with that, Logan turned and walked away without so much as a backward glance.

"Well, that went way better than I expected. Are you ready to leave?" She looked up at me with eyes the size of saucers and starting pulling me toward the exit. Every instinct in my body was still on guard as I walked her over to her table so she could grab her jacket and we headed out. I had been completely prepared to have to fight with Logan and was ready to do so the moment he touched her or said anything that upset her in the slightest. I was astounded that he just walked away which immediately made me question his intentions with Bella which, in turn, angered me even further. Taking deep breaths, I worked to calm myself as Bella and I made our way to the front of the bar. My mind continued to play out all the scenarios that my imagination thought might have happened instead of accepting the one that did. Once we were outside, Bella quickly pulled me around the side of the building and turned to face me. I didn't want her to see me this way so I immediately looked down.

"Look at me." She whispered. I shook my head and refused to lift my eyes. "Jasper, look at me now." She repeated, teeth clenched, I could feel her determination and strength as she willed me to look at her. Her hands went to the side of my face as I refused to look her in the eyes. The moment her hands touched my cool skin, calmness enveloped me and I slowly raised my eyes until they met hers. She was looking at me with nothing but compassion and pride which humbled me to my core. Even though her emotions revealed nothing to the contrary, I was still expecting her to look at me like the monster that I am. She pulled my face even closer to hers and began to lightly kiss me. She lingered around the edges of my mouth until I responded and kissed her back.

"Thank you." She said into my mouth as we continued to kiss.

I pulled back and looked at her questioningly, "Thank you? For what?"

"For letting me deal with him. You could have stepped in and taken over the entire situation, which is something that Edwa...which is something that I was used to in the past. I appreciate you giving me my space and allowing me to handle it in my own way. I know it was hard for you when he was going to touch me and you could have lost it right there but you didn't. I am very… proud of you." Her heart was racing and adrenaline was coursing through her body from the events that just took place.

"Bella, as long as I exist, I will allow no one to harm you, verbally or physically."I was more shocked at my self-control than she was. In the past, I would have taken that hand clean off his body before he even finished his thought about touching her.

Regardless of what had just transpired, I wanted to get the evening back on course. "So, where were we before we were interrupted?" I bent forward to kiss her again and she smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I believe we were right here." She sighed as she reached up to meet my lips. She felt so amazing against my body and I couldn't wait to feel even more of it. I picked her up and pressed her against the wall of the building and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I began to kiss and nibble my way along her neck and her bare shoulder and in response, she bucked her hips toward me and audibly moaned.

"Oh god, Bella, I want you so badly, but not here, we can't go any further here." The statement was more for myself than for Bella. I needed to get her home where I could love her properly.

I scooted her body along mine until I was carrying her piggy back style. She giggled at me while burying her face in the back of my neck causing a thousand shivers to course through my body. I held on to her coat for her so she could wrap her arms around my neck. I walked over to my car, barely managing to keep a human's pace, opened the door for her and gently placed her inside immediately missing the blanket of warmth she created while wrapped around my back. I was in the driver's seat and pulling out onto the road in seconds. I couldn't wait to pick up where we had just left off.

We got to Bella's place and I rushed her up the stairs. She was smiling, amused by my behaviour, but I couldn't help myself. She turned the key to the door so slowly and looked up at me and smiled. She was teasing me, the little vixen. I grabbed her and swung her back around so that she was facing me. Raising her arms above her head, I held onto his wrists with one hand.

"Two can play that game, Ms. Swan." I started tracing the fingers of my free hand along her bare back and feathered kisses along her neck which I now knew she really liked. Her knees gave a little as she pressed herself into me.

"Okay, truce, no games." I let go of her wrists and smiled at her as I continued to try to kiss her. She took my hand, opened the door and pulled me into the apartment.

I stepped into the apartment with one thing and one thing only on my mind. However, the moment I took my first breath, any sexual feelings I had, were quickly dampened by the overwhelming odour of Jacob Black.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked as I stiffened.

"Not here. I don't want anything to happen here." Jacob had been here for only a week and the entire apartment reeked of him. "I know that you and Jacob shared the bed." She opened her mouth to explain, but I stopped her, tracing my fingers along her lips as she parted them slightly. "I know it was platonic, I would hardly expect him to sleep on the floor given your history, but I don't want to make love to you here. It has to be special, you deserve only the very best."

Bella looked at me completely shocked. "Make love? We can actually do that?"