Faith was exceptionally quiet that evening. Jimmy had gotten her to talk a little about the things she was making for the baby and even a little about Jamie and Mary and some of her conversation with Lou. He had heard how thick Lou thought he was where women were concerned and admitted this failing was true right up until he had met Faith. Apparently Faith had gotten the complete story behind Sarah Downs and Rosemary Burke which he sort of wished she hadn't and he had to explain Alice and why that hadn't worked out. Still Faith spoke in ways to make him talk and fill the void and allow her to stay quiet.

Jimmy had tried to let it slide and kept topics light, poking fun at himself playfully when he could but even that elicited only a small response from her. Her silence became even more apparent as they stood washing and drying the dishes and now as they sat on the porch it was nearly oppressive to him. Something was wrong and a part of him didn't want to ask what. With Faith he just never knew what was going to come out and he still feared not everything of her six months with Aaron had been revealed. But he knew he had to ask. Being afraid of her pain wasn't going to make it go away. Not talking about things didn't help. He had learned that when he had blown up and let his temper get the best of him. She had feared him for a time but then had seen he was not going to hurt her and things had been better. It's not that he didn't already know that confronting fears was the only way past them but he just didn't like doing it. There just wasn't a choice though.

"Faith," he said softly squeezing her hand a little tighter in his, "What's wrong? You're so quiet tonight. Did Lou say something else that's upsetting you?"

"No," Faith said absently or seemingly absently. Jimmy knew her well enough to know that this is how she spoke when she was trying to shove her emotions to the back burner and not allow herself to break down. He would have liked to have allowed her to do just that but he knew that wasn't what was best for her. As much as it hurt him to see her cry, he knew he had to get her to let this out, whatever it was. "No, she was very kind to me when she came back out. I understand that she was just trying to protect you. She loves you, you know."

"Yeah, I do know," he told her, "Like I needed another sister looking out for me."

"Not like that, Jimmy," Faith asserted, "You really are thick. She's happy and would never act on it but she loves you. So she worries and she gets protective and I think a little possessive too. I understand."

"So that's what's got you upset and quiet?"

"Lou? No," she replied, "Like I said, she'd never act on it, I can tell. She's happy and she loves him."

"Then what is it?" he asked, "I should have told them and not sprung you like I did. I said I was sorry for that."

"That's not it, Jimmy," she assured him, "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Why are you so quiet and why are you pushing me away? I thought we were past that."

"It was Jamie," she whispered.

"Lou said he asked a lot of questions about Adam," Jimmy said, "Did he upset you making you think about him? He didn't mean anything by it, you know. Lou said she thought she should have stopped him sooner."

"Jamie is a sweet boy," Faith half snapped at him to get him to stop rambling, "He's a very sweet little boy who happens to have eyes just like my little boy's. Jimmy, he was so much like my Adam. God forgive me but I hated her for having what I lost."

"Faith, sweetheart," Jimmy tried to soothe her, "That's only natural. That pain has to go somewhere."

"It's not natural for a woman to hate another woman for having a child that didn't die," she snapped, "I'm not a hateful person, Jimmy. I'm just so frightened. Nothing ever seems to work out for me. Maybe I'm really not supposed to have a child. Maybe all those doctors who told me that were right and it has nothing to do with my body but just what's meant to be. What if something happens to this one too? How would I ever…"

If there were words that followed, Jimmy could not make them out through her sobs. All he could do was pull her close and hold her tight as she cried. He had absolutely no idea how to comfort her. He had already failed to protect her and just earned her trust back. Her son had been claimed by a tragic accident and while it terrified him to no end that something like that could happen to the squirming life within her womb he knew there would be little he could do to stop such a thing from happening. He also had seen many women lose their babes to illness and there was only so much he could do about that. He could promise all that was in his power but he knew that power was very limited. There were people he could go to for advice but not at this hour and not at the risk of leaving Faith alone. He had no doubt that Aaron would make good on his threat to find her and if Jimmy left her unprotected and anything happened to her or the child he knew he would never forgive himself.

So all he could do was hold her tight while she wept. Once she was calmer he helped her stand and brought her into the house. He got her to sit down and prop her feet which were as swollen as ever and then he went into the kitchen to heat some water. He got the herbs around for her favorite evening tea and hoped it would help calm her nerves some. Jimmy worried that getting nearly hysterical as she had been wasn't good for the baby but then he didn't really know of such things. She had already had such an emotional day and that had been his fault. If only he could do one thing right for her. At last her tea was ready and he brought it to her and then sat on the floor next to the stool where her feet were propped. He slid the moccasins off of her feet and began to rub them.

"I know there's a lot of promises I can't make you, Faith," he said gently once he saw her head tip back and some of the tension leave her face. "But I swear I would draw down on God himself if it meant keeping you or that little one safe. You've had far too much pain and I'll do anything I can to make sure you don't get any more of it."

Faith tried to lean toward him but her belly was just too much in the way so she reached for him to move closer so that she could rest her hand on the side of his face.

"I know you would, my love. I know you would."

Tears shone in her eyes and Jimmy leaned forward just a bit more to catch her lips with his. He had been told that women got extra emotional while they were expecting but her tears still upset him. Once she had finished her tea, he helped her to bed and then curled next to her and rubbed her belly. He thought maybe that she had fallen asleep and was considering doing the same when she spoke so softly he almost wasn't sure if he was supposed to be hearing it or not.

"You've had far too much pain as well," she said, "Too much has been because of me."

"You're forgetting that my greatest joys have also been because of you," he replied nuzzling into her hair and continuing to rub circles on her belly. "Get some rest now sweetheart, you've had a hard day."

"Speaking of hard," she said reaching behind her to grab something of his growing steadily harder and then rolling toward him.

"Now that doesn't have to be your concern right now," he said knowing how tired she must be.

"What if I want to make it my concern?" she replied impishly.

"Well then, that would be another matter altogether," he said, "I think I might just have to oblige you then, ma'am."

Faith giggled and Jimmy knew that her worries would not be solved with just a cup of tea and a little frolicking between the sheets but he would take whatever happy feeling he could get from her. Eventually she was asleep in his arms and it still made him marvel that no matter how drastically her body changed, they always seemed to fit right together when she was in his arms.

The next morning Jimmy rolled out of bed to the smell of breakfast and Faith singing as if there had been no sadness or fear the day before. It confused him but he was happy to hear her singing happily and quickly dressed so that he could get to the kitchen and steal a good morning kiss.

"How did you sleep, sweetheart?" he asked and the concern nearly dripped from his voice.

"I always sleep well when you hold me," she answered with a smile and raised eyebrow that said it was less his holding of her than what had preceded it. Jimmy chuckled.

"I sleep better when I'm holding you too," he said kissing her behind the ear in effect letting her know he knew exactly what she meant. As good as she felt in his arms, making love to her was the best way he knew to wear himself out for sleep.

Faith squirmed in his arms to turn and face him with a smile.

"You should eat your breakfast before it gets cold, my love."

He knew the sadness was only away for a while but he still loved the moments like this when they could just sit and dream of the happy times to come. They both needed those dreams and the joy they might bring if allowed to come true.

After breakfast Jimmy went out to work on the cradle which was nearly done. He was actually quite proud of the work he'd done and how quickly it had come together. He was actually starting to wonder if there were other things he could do to help prepare for the baby. It felt good and like an atonement of some sort to get things in the ready for his child. Midday came before he knew it and with it Faith. She wasn't humming or singing when she walked out so he did not hear her walking up.

Faith stood a moment at the door to the barn and watched Jimmy sanding the rough edges from their child's bed. It wasn't an unseasonably warm day but the sun beating down on the structure which had little for cross breeze made the building quite warm. As he worked, Jimmy had shed his shirt and was working bare chested. Faith watched his muscles flex under his skin as the sweat dripped from his brow. Suddenly she found she could not care less about the tray of food in her hands. She set the tray down quietly and moved around behind him wondering how he could miss something the size of a mountain moving around him and then leaned into his back reaching her hands around to his front and splaying her fingers across his chest.

"I'd ask who it is but someone just kicked me in the backside," Jimmy said turning to her with a smile, "I'm beginning to think the little guy don't like me."

"Nonsense," Faith replied, "He—or she—loves you. Just like I do."

Her hands traced over his backside bringing him as close as her belly would allow.

"Is it lunchtime already, Faith?"

"Yes," she answered batting her eyes a couple of times, "Are you terribly hungry?"

"You know I wasn't at all," he told her, "But I am starting to feel like I could use a little something."

Jimmy bent his head to place tiny kisses on her neck. Faith began to pull him toward the house but he stood still.

"I have a better idea," he said pulling her to where he had some hay bales stacked. He began to work at the buttons on her dress.

Faith giggled when she realized where this was headed and stayed his hand for a moment.

"Out here?" she asked and he only nodded getting back to her buttons and releasing her breasts. Soon her dress as well as her petticoats and pantaloons were in a puddle at her moccasin clad feet. She stood before him nude and unashamed, her bruises fading and some already only memories. They were memories he was intent on replacing with more pleasant and loving ones.

Faith reached for his belt buckle but he stopped her causing her brow to furrow. Jimmy lifted her hands to his mouth and kissed the tips of her fingers before walking over and grabbing an old wool blanket he had placed there during the winter when he had been working in the freezing cold and sometimes needed more than his coat over his shoulders. He laid the blanket over a hay bale. Then he picked her up which was not as easy as it had been when she first arrived. The baby was growing and growing fast. But he was still able to lift her into his arms and set her on the bale of hay. His lips burned a trail from her neck down to her breasts. He smiled against her as her fingers tangled into his long hair pulling him tighter to her chest. Whatever failings he might have and however imperfect he might be as her man or as the father to that child, he knew how to please her. It wasn't everything but it was something. Caressing gently the insides of her thighs, his hands stopped just shy of their apex and soon Faith was whimpering before him.

"Jimmy, please," she whined.

He stepped back from her and quickly dispatched with his trousers and boots his erection springing free and eliciting another whimper from Faith. Jimmy allowed a smirk at that and stepped forward gently pushing her shoulders until she lay back on the blanket and he could align himself with her entrance. She was visibly wet and her thighs were already beginning to quiver as he slowly pushed his way inside of her. He positioned his feet a little wider and withdrew partially before thrusting back into her.

Faith could not describe how exciting it was for Jimmy to take her right here in the barn or how frustrating he had been undressing her and not letting her touch him. But then being with him had never been a disappointment so she opted to follow his lead although it nearly was her undoing when he shed his trousers exposing exactly what she needed. When he laid her back onto the blanket she felt so close to the edge she thought his next touch alone would send her into that blissful oblivion. He was slow and tender at first but his own passion soon took over and as his pace increased she felt his fingers tightening around her hips. Her legs wound around his back as she watched his face contort with the pleasure that overtook him. She always wanted to make love more when she was expecting. It was just the way things were for her and she had needed him so badly the months when it was only Aaron and his cruelty but to see that she could still bring him that pleasure was even better. He was close to his release but slowed and Faith worried for a moment not understanding his actions. But then she felt his fingers working over her own desire. And when her heels dug into his back and her pleasured cries began to echo through the barn he sped back up again allowing their climaxes to come so close together so as to be nearly simultaneous. His hands came down on either side of her as he slumped forward over her belly clearly spent.

"I know I'm getting huge but I think there's room up here for the both of us," she said scooting over as much as she could and he climbed up next to her curling his body around hers.

"I'd say it's a perfect fit," he whispered in her ear content to hold her close to him for as long as she would let him and that turned out to be quite a while. She was quiet and Jimmy worried perhaps her fears were returning and he thought to the plans he'd had for the afternoon and how maybe he could still get to them. Her small voice broke the silence.

"The cradle is beautiful," she said softly and he could hear in her voice that he would see tears if her back were not pressed to his chest.

He didn't even know what to say. He had done the best he could with it and tried to make it special in some way. He had never contemplated a family before and had actually thrown away every one that had ever come to him. He could not do that with this child or this woman. He wanted them to have the best he could give them and creating something to care for his family instead of destroying things and hurting those he loved most felt so good to him.

"I'm so sorry," she choked out through sobs and Jimmy was quick to roll her toward him wiping her tears away with his thumb. Buck said she would be emotional just from her condition and maybe more so than other women because of all she'd been through but he was starting to get dizzy from the way her moods swung wildly.

"Faith, sweetheart, I thought we were past you apologizing to me all the time," he said pressing a kiss to the side of her head, "You forgave me for leaving and I will forgive anything you think you did wrong even though I don't think you did do anything wrong at all."

"I doubted you," she said through her tears, "He said things about me and I believed them but he also said things about you and I believed those too."

"What did he say?" Jimmy asked starting to anger that this man—if he even could be called a man—was being brought up again and that he thought he had any room to talk about Jimmy. Jimmy knew what he had been but he also knew that whatever faults he might have he would never brutalize or bully someone as Aaron had done to Faith.

"He said that a man like you would never settle down and even if you let me stay you wouldn't change and I wouldn't have you all to myself and you wouldn't really love our child," her words came out in such a rush they almost ran together. "That cradle is too beautiful for you to not love this baby. If you didn't want us, really want us and love us, you wouldn't have made a bed for it at all and it surely wouldn't have been so grand. I'm sorry I doubted you. You showed me already what was inside beyond the legend and the façade everyone else saw and I let myself forget it. I'll never doubt you again. I swear it."

Her tears had stopped and her eyes looked at him big and earnest. These words were her vows to him and trumped the ones she would eventually say at their wedding.

"I allowed that doubt when I left," he said and made a vow of his own, "I swear I will never again give you reason to doubt me because I will never leave you."

His hand ran over the roundness of her belly.

"You hear that in there?" he said, "I love your mama and I ain't ever leaving."

Faith giggled, "If it's a boy are you going to let him use those guns?"

"Of course," he answered, "I don't have much else to pass on. I'll teach a girl to shoot too. I taught you, didn't I?"

She merely smiled at him remembering that day and how angry and hurt she had been at Patience's letter and how he had known exactly what to do to make her feel better and the passion that had ignited between them that day. Faith snuggled deeper into his chest just as he was noticing the gooseflesh erupting on her arms. When they had finished earlier they had both been coated with a fine sheen of sweat but that was gone and they were cooling down and it wasn't quite warm enough to lay naked in the barn. Jimmy kissed her shoulder.

"We probably ought to get some clothes on," he noted, "And I did want to head into town for a bit this afternoon if you're up for it."

"I guess I am," she said hesitantly, "Was there something you needed in town?"

"Well, there sort of is something I need to attend to and I know Teaspoon wanted to talk to you about, well, about Aaron."

"I don't want to talk about him," she said firmly, "Especially to, well, to someone I don't really know."

"I think Teaspoon'd like to change that not knowing him thing too," Jimmy said pulling on his clothes and handing hers to her. "You barely spoke when we went over for supper that night. You're family now and he doesn't need to know about you and Aaron. He just needs to know what to look out for if Aaron comes looking for you and I think he has some news about what it would take for us to get hitched."

Faith still looked unsure.

"I won't be far," he said kissing her forehead, "But I think it'll be good for you to learn to trust Teaspoon. Buck will probably be somewhere around too. You like him, right?"

"I like them all," she told him buttoning up her dress, "I just feel better when you're there."

"Like I said I'll be close. I know after meeting Lou and how that turned out at first you must think I lied about how great these people are but Teaspoon and Buck already think you're pretty terrific."

"Maybe they just told you that so they wouldn't hurt your feelings," she said softly and was surprised when Jimmy laughed out loud.

"There's plenty of people in the world who would lie to save the feelings of Wild Bill but these people aren't going to mince words to keep me from getting hurt feelings. They'll tell me what a rotten cook I am and they will for sure tell me if the woman I am in love with is all wrong. I don't always listen but they won't be shy about telling me."

Faith still looked at Jimmy like he maybe didn't know his family as well as he thought but decided that she would chance it anyway. Buck and Teaspoon had been kind to her so far and there was nothing to say they would stop just because Jimmy wasn't there. And the women they were with were so kind she didn't feel that Jenny would be with a man who could be mean and Rachel couldn't either.

"So what do you need to do in town?" Faith asked once they were on the buckboard headed in.

"I was just needing a little advice," he told her honestly.

"Don't you usually go to Teaspoon for advice?"

"I somehow don't think he could help me with this like someone else could."

Faith didn't press the issue even though she still didn't quite understand. She knew if she asked he would tell her and explain things but she also knew that he had his reasons for not explaining and she needed to trust him that there would be no unpleasant surprises.

They got into town and Jimmy took her arm and led her into the marshal's office.

Faith looked around at the now familiar and, it seemed, never changing office. She did not see Buck but Teaspoon was there at his desk with his hat pulled partway over his eyes. She thought him to be asleep but he was upright and standing before both of her feet had cleared the threshold with a smile on his face for her. He reached as if to take her hand to kiss it again but Faith didn't let him. Instead she took the extra step toward him and leaned to kiss his cheek.

"Hello Teaspoon," she said to the surprised man who continued to smile at her.

"Good afternoon, Faith," he said when he found words and Faith got the idea that he didn't lose them that often. "Why this is shaping up to be quite a day. A visit from a lovely lady and a kiss as well."

Teaspoon was rewarded with a genuine smile. Really he was quite taken with Jimmy's young lady and it did his heart good to see her becoming less afraid. He understood her reasons for her fears but if he was honest, it had hurt a little that she was so frightened of him but he understood and tried not to take it personal. He could see the pride on Jimmy's face at Faith's actions and knew there had been a lot of work that had gone into Faith's renewed confidence. He should be proud to be building this woman back up from all she had gone through. Teaspoon looked questioningly at Jimmy. As much as he was glad to see the two young people he wondered what had brought them into town.

"I needed to see to some things here in town," Jimmy started to explain and was surprised when Faith cut him off.

"He needs you to babysit me," she finished for him though not using the words he would have chosen.

"Faith," he began but she cut him off again with a wave of her hand.

"Don't 'Faith' me," she said, "I don't want to be alone while he, Aaron, I mean, could be out there somewhere anyway. Spending some time with Teaspoon is much better than being afraid somewhere by myself. I'm sure we'll have a lovely chat while you are doing whatever it is you need to do." Then she turned her attention to the older man. "Won't we?"

Jimmy could see her shoving her fears and insecurities beneath the surface and placed an arm around her shoulders.

"It is going to be fine," he whispered low in her ear, "I promise. And I promise I will explain all of this to you later."

He kissed her full on the lips and then headed out of the office and in the direction of the school. Rachel should be just about ready to let the children go for the day and that meant he could maybe catch her to talk a bit. He arrived at the school just in time to get nearly turned around in a sea of young people. Making his way into the building he found Rachel sitting at her desk at the front of the classroom. She looked up when she heard someone enter.

"Hello Jimmy," she said brightly once she caught sight of him, "Faith's not with you?"

"Oh I see how it is," he replied jovially, "Now that I have a woman in my life you don't want to see me anymore."

His eyes smiled at her letting Rachel know he was just kidding.

"Actually," she said once they had a little chuckle, "I was surprised you let her out of your sight. Teaspoon told me she's still in some danger and that she's been really scared too, not that I blame her or anything."

"That's who she's with right now," Jimmy explained, "No one's going to hurt her in the marshal's office. It was hard leaving her there but I can't keep her in my sight forever."

"No you can't," the pride was evident on Rachel's face. Jimmy had been the one who was so old beyond his years and yet avoided making the attachments of adulthood. She understood all the reasons but it made it that much sweeter to see him settling down and looking after this woman he loved so well. Faith was a good woman for him too; at least she would be once she recovered a bit more from her ordeal. She was kind, that much was evident and Rachel thought she saw a little fiery streak and maybe even a bit of playfulness. She would be good for her boy once she was able to heal. The look Jimmy was giving Rachel now made her think that perhaps there was a bump in the road to her healing though. "What's wrong, Jimmy? You look upset and you usually don't come to see me so I'm guessing you need to talk about something."

Suddenly Jimmy felt the need to rethink his purpose for visiting her. Before it had only occurred to him that she might have a way for him to help Faith but now he was realizing that he might hurt Rachel in the process and that was something he just didn't want to do. He sighed and looked around as if trying to find a way out of this.

"Out with it, Jimmy," Rachel said sternly, "You came here which means it's important."

"It's about Faith," he said at last realizing that now that he was there, he had no choice but to talk about this. He just hoped Rachel wouldn't be cross with him for what he needed to bring up.

"I figured as much," she said gently, "You know it will take time for her to recover. She isn't going to go back to being the woman you remember right away."

"I know that and she's doing great actually," he told her, "I'm real proud of her. I'm not here about what he did to her. It's something else. She's so sad about things and not about Aaron but-"

"Women get emotional when they're expecting," Rachel assured him, "And that means all kinds of emotions that don't make sense to the woman anymore than they do the people around her."

"See, these emotions make sense, Rachel. They make all kinds of sense and that's why I needed to talk to you. I need to help her and I don't know what to say because she's right to feel all she's feeling but these feelings are tearing her up."

"I think you're going to have to be more specific," Rachel told him, "That is if you want me to help you."

"I probably shouldn't've come to you with this, I know that. I don't mean to bring up what this could bring up for you but I just didn't know who else could help."

"Jimmy," Rachel said and there was a warning in her tone that he'd better just spit it out.

"This isn't Faith's first child," he finally got out, "She had a little boy, Adam. When he was six there was an accident."

"Oh dear God!" Rachel cried. "Poor Faith!"

Tears stood in Rachel's eyes only a moment before they began to fall. Her heart broke for this woman. She knew of people who had lived such pain, of course. This was a hard land and it was made harder by the hard times that came with a war but losses like Faith had suffered still moved her and she hoped they always would. As a woman she knew the pain Faith knew. Although Rachel had never really gotten to meet her own son, she knew the loss, the hurt and possibly even the fear that gripped the young woman who now carried Jimmy's child.

Jimmy watched helplessly as the tears cascaded down Rachel's cheeks. He shouldn't have come. He should have talked to someone else, anyone else. He should learn to handle his own problems and quit bringing them to people who had already done more than he ever could have asked of them.

"I'm sorry, Rachel," he said, "I shouldn't've, I mean, I know, I mean, well, I don't even know what I mean but I didn't mean to make you cry."

Rachel walked around her desk and wrapped her arms around Jimmy.

"You didn't make me cry, not exactly anyway. And crying isn't always a bad thing. Crying reminds us we can still feel and crying reminds us of things that matter. I am so proud of the man you've become, Jimmy Hickok. I want you to know that. Now sit and let's talk this out."

This chapter kicked my tuchus! The chatacters kept going off on tangents and losing their focus. 'Bout had to borrow Noah's whip to keep them in line.-J