01-12-10: Okay I lied.. I don't hate these chapters.

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You're Kinda, Sorta, Basically, Pretty Much, Always On My Mind.

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I Do Not Own Inuyasha

"Talking"

25. Her Emotional Breakdown.

I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling. My vivid blue hair lay around me, and my tail lay limp beside me. My ears hurt and my head pounded from the blasting music coming from my stereo, but that was to keep them from hearing me destroy my room. I turned my head to look at my room. Everything that had been on my dresser I had pushed off and red, blue, pink and purple nail polish soaked into the carpet filling the room with it's nauseating smell.

I had re-nailed my window shut and pushed the bookshelf in front of it, and my dresser, desk and various chairs and books blocked the door. Light brown packing paper was tapped across the walls so I wouldn't have to stare at all my paintings of Inuyasha and myself with my sister. The only thing that was okay was my bed frame and mattress. My blankets were currently working on soaking up the hair spray and various liquid hair things I had never used, from the carpet. And in my rage all my pillows had been ripped to shreds, now leaving a blanket of fluffy white feathers across the room.

I stared at my claws. Mom had forcibly cut them after she could see some claw marks on my arm from every time I had to pinch myself, but they've where already half back. My swords were gone too, after Souta and Jii-chan had caught me looking at them unsheathed, and waving them pointed up toward my neck back and forth. I didn't see the reason for this.. I wasn't going to kill myself.. If I tried here it would be impossible, I healed too quickly.

I looked to my closet doors then. I wonder why they didn't take my mirrors out of my room. I could always break the mirror..

I rolled off the bed and crawled over to my closet, slowly opening the doors. I ran my little finger along the glass, barely scrapping the reflective window. It would be so easy.. I placed my palm against the glass and applied a little pressure. It would be so simple..

"KAORI!" Inuyasha shouted from the hallway, pounding on my blocked door. I bit the inside of my cheek, and pulled my hand away from the mirror, and stared at the large barrier of furniture blocking the door. I had hoped that they would be able to break through the furniture before I could do anything which is why I didn't put up a real barrier, but they weren't strong enough. And while Inuyasha was.. he wouldn't break down the door anyway.

"OPEN THE GOD DAMN DOOR, YOU IDIOT!" He hollered, the door shaking with numerous beatings.

"I can't.." I whispered almost silently. I knew he could hear me so I didn't bother speaking any louder.

"YES YOU CAN, YOU BIG STUPID-"

I turned up the stereo on the floor beside me and I couldn't hear him anymore. But seconds later a loud bang shook the house. He was getting mad. The door shook again and I heard the sound of wood breaking. Fear shot through me and I dived back onto my bed, burying my face into the feathers and covered my head with my hands.

Seconds later, pieces of wood flew through the air, missing my head by inches, as my furniture and door became victim to Inuyasha's strength and claws. He grabbed onto the back of my shirt and pulled be back, forcing me onto my knees. For a moment I thought he was gonna kill me, and at that moment I wanted him to.

But all he did was glare at me. But that changed after another moment. He suddenly looked scared and he let go. I wondered what he saw in my face that scared him and I looked behind me to the mirror I had been ready to break. I looked horrible. My face was completely emotionless.. but tears streaked down my face, and my cream completion was tinted with a shade of green. I looked down at my hands. They were cut in many places, from the wood I had been throwing around.

I pressed my lips together slightly and looked up at the silver haired boy. He, too, was looking a little green, and he turned to the window, smashing through the glass when he couldn't pry it open.

Fresh air breezed through the window, and I fell back as my nausea slowly left. That felt nice.. Inuyasha grabbed onto my wrist more gently this time and pulled me back up to look at him. He looked worried. Well.. that was obvious. I had finally gotten better and as soon as I did I'm practically try to kill myself.

"Jeez, what are you doing to yourself?" He muttered. I swayed a bit but kept myself steady.

"I feel sick." I mumbled.

He scoffed but it sounded like half a laugh. "Pfft, that's your fault for not cleaning up that nasty smelling crap. Why do you even have it anyway?"

I bit the inside of my cheek again and looked to the carpet stains and broken bottles. "It's.. for girls. Here we colour our nails to look nicer." I muttered, rubbing the red nail on my middle finger. When the vials broke some of the polish fell on my hands..

"You idiots put that nasty smelling crap on your nails for something as stupid as that?"

"I didn't really mind the smell when I was human.. it was tolerable then." I pursed my lips together and looked to him. "Did you take my katanas back from them?"

I knew someone had taken them. Jii-chan had put them back in the well house once I locked myself in my room, but a few days ago I had heard him accuse me of taking them out again.

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed, and he folded his arms over his chest, looking at the paper covered walls. "Yes."

"Can I have them ba-"

"Why? So you can go haywire and try to hurt yourself again?" He shouted. I flinched, and bit my lip, turning away and laid down on my stomach on my sheet-less bed. I hadn't been trying to hurt myself.. at least not consciously. But they didn't understand.. If they'd seen what I seen then they would want to die too.

"Okay.. go away now." I whispered. I curled myself into a ball facing the other way and closed my eyes. I was hoping to hear him leave before I fell asleep, but my body had shut down as soon as all I could see was darkness.

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This time I didn't dream of anything and when I awoke it was dark outside my window. I sat up and looked around. My room was back to normal. Everything was as it should be before I went insane. There were only a few differences. One, all of the liquid beauty products I never used weren't on my dresser anymore, and two, the feathers from my pillows still floated about. Other then those things everything was normal.

Inuyasha stood by the wall, staring at the pictures I'd painted on when I first came here. He didn't seem to notice me waking up, so I stayed silent and watched as he stared at them in wonder. One clawed hand lifted up to a small picture of a little crying girl kneeling in front of a boy in red pinned to a large tree. The hand pressed against the picture and fell limp back to his side.

His silver ears twitched and he turned his head to me. I tensed and carefully pulled myself up into an upright position. My breathing heavy, and my heart pounding in my chest, my toes touched the carpet floor and I stood to face him. The silk black dress caressed my skin as I moved silently and carefully.

He'd seen my pictures. My secrets. My heart and soul. They all shone brighting through the paintings from childhood. What did he see from them? Had he'd seen far enough, looked deep enough to see the true meanings behind everything, or did he just think they were mere paintings of events that had happened.

He opened his mouth to speak and I waiting for accusations and suspicious questions. But what he said took me by surprise. "You hate me don't you?"

I swayed. Where was this coming from? What about the pictures? My eyes glanced to the drawing he'd been looking at. It was the same as before.. but it had been so long since I'd looked at it I'd forgotten one figure in it. My sister, Kikyou, was in the picture as well.. dead but looking as though she'd been sleeping. The little girl in that picture was more faced toward her than the boy on the tree.

I looked back to him. Did he think I hated him cause he thought I believed he had killed my sister? My heart gave a painful lurch. Did the think so badly of me? Did he think that I was one to believe such.. such things so easily? Course I didn't think he killed my sister. The situation then had been confusing but I had believed in him. I knew he didn't kill her.

But.. did I hate him? I remembered back to the few days before I had left, one month ago. Did I hate him then? Inuyasha was staring at the floor, his ears drooping slightly. He was taking my silence as a confirmation that I did hate him.

I clenched my hands into fists. "Baka!" I growled. "I don't hate you. Why would you even think of such a thing!? After all this time! With be being a hanyou like you, if I did hate you, hate you so much as you probably think, then.. then I would've killed you a long time ago!"

He didn't stop being sulky. My words had no effect. I sounded to angry. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. But I was angry. But not at him. "Look." I said, trying as hard as I could to keep my voice normal. "I'm not upset at you. I don't hate you. I'm more upset with myself.."

I trailed off remembering the dream. "While I was unconscious I had this.. dream. It seemed real.. and.. and in that dream I had done things I wasn't proud of." Like betraying my sister. Lying to her. Making him hurt her as well.. How long could that have gone on for if it hadn't been just a dream. Would I had really done that..? If she had never died. If he had never been pinned to the tree. If I hadn't been thrown down the well. Would that have been..our real future?

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Inuyasha seemed to have recovered from the she hates me thing. But after, instead of recovering, my brain was sent into a frantic thinking storm. I had never seen him get so.. so depressed. Had he thought that my emotional breakdown been his fault? I glance up from my ramen to see Souta teaching him how to play a fighting game on the x-box.. well it would have been teaching if Souta wasn't shouting frantically at Inuyasha as the silver hanyou smashed apart a controller in anger.

"GOD DAMMIT! YOU STUPID PIECE OF JUNK! WHY'D YOU MAKE ME LOSE!!!?!??!" He was shouting.

"Inuyasha-onii-san!! Inuyasha! S-ss-s-stopit! We only h-have two controllers!!!!" Souta was shouting back, from behind the couch.

I rolled my eyes, and groaned. Yep. Back to normal all right.

"THAT'LL TEACH YOU! YOU HUNK OF JUN-"

"INUYASHA SIT!"

End Of Chapter 25

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