BPOV

Well this isn't uncomfortable at all, I thought, poking the small fire with a stick.

Earlier, Jacob and I arrived at the small clearing where Edward had set up a small tent and was already starting a fire.

I felt like an idiot for bringing essentials like books and an iPod, but not food or water until Edward offered me a small smile and said, "Alice warned me." With that he set down his back pack that held everything I'd need. Including hot water bottles and brand new cooking tools. They were compact silver things and while not much to look at they were sturdy.

The tent was cute, I had to admit. It wasn't one of those easy ones you threw out and it set its self up, but one that you had to assemble. It was a dark grey and appeared to be one of those ones that my dad lusted after whenever he got out his camping magazines.

At least I'd be warm and dry. I smiled as I poked a marshmallow into the fire.

I offered Jacob one and he'd given me a curt shake of his head before turning into wolf form. He was currently under a large tree, his dark eyes watchful as they scanned the dark forest.

I couldn't see a thing besides the fire and the stars, and I had to admit it was beautiful. It was also dry, another thing I was extremely grateful for.

Edward sat off to the edge of our little campsite, his eyes unseeing and body still. He was listening out for anything. And while Jacob was in wolf form, he was connected to the others and Edward was listening in.

I wondered what that was like, for him to listen to so many voices, to be in so many heads at once. To know they all thought of him as an unnatural monster that should be killed immediately.

Pulling my jacket closer to me, I stared into the crackling fire and found myself getting lost in the hypnotic flames.

It was beautiful out here, but Forks had always been a beautiful place. The trees huge, the stars and the moon bright in the sky. The wind was cold, but I was warm near the fire. Edward had made sure to get the best of sleeping bags and with all the hot water bottles he'd brought I would be warm tonight.

The thought of tomorrow scared me, I could admit to myself. Before it was scary, and I was nervous about it, but it was off in the distance. Now it was here. In the morning, pretty much everyone I cared about would be in danger. As much as I knew they were skilled and smart the danger was still very much real.

"Don't worry about them," Edward told me whenever I voiced my fears. I rolled my eyes. Like it was so simple to just decide not to worry.

It didn't help that it was Edward telling me this. Edward, the constant worrier.

The silence was mainly the problem. Jacob refused to even acknowledge Edward unless it was something to do with the newborns, the pack or a jibe at him.

I glared at Jacob more times in the past couple of hours then in the entire time I'd known him. He'd given me an innocent shrug, but it annoyed me that Jacob's walls were firmly back in place. The man who told me of his fears of hurting his loved ones was firmly hidden.

Edward barely spoke. With no cell reception on the mountain and nothing to fill the quiet he'd just closed in on himself. I think it would have gone better had Jacob not been here. Edward wasn't talking in front of the young wolf.

I sat bored for most of the evening. Edward fed me; Jacob turning his nose up when Edward offered it to him. I only went to use natures restroom when I was about to burst and threatened both vampire and wolf when they said they would come with me to keep watch.

Were they high? There was nothing graceful about peeing in the woods, never mind sanitary! I wasn't having people stand watch while I did my thing.

I had been tempted all day to just ditch the both of them and hang out in the tent, but I worried what would happen if I left. Whenever Jacob opened his mouth, he took a swipe at Edward and though he tried to hide it, I knew Edward wanted to beat him to a bloody pulp.

"Well, as fun as this is I'm going to go and scout the area. I won't be long."

I blinked. When had Jacob turned into human form?

Frowning, I watched him walk away and saw Edward throw a glare over his shoulder as Jacob left.

I sat for a few minutes and tried to think of a way to bring up conversation with Edward. We were out here, alone, for the rest of the night. Wouldn't it be the perfect time to sort everything out?

I opened my mouth to speak, but Edward got to his feet and paced away from me. I wanted to sigh. Obviously, he didn't think it was a good time.

"I'm heading inside. I'm cold," I lied as I got to my feet and climbed inside the tent, zipping it closed behind me.

EPOV

I hate that mutt, I thought with a growl. He wasn't even born when my family and I first arrived in Forks, yet he'd done nothing but think of the treaty all night long. One in particular being biting a human, unsurprisingly.

It didn't take long to delve into his mind and see the memory of Bella defending my family and me. It made some of the anger and resentment I still felt lessen to see the passion in her eyes and voice as she defended me.

Black was worried, though. He feared for Bella's future, her future as a human to be more specific. I could have assured him that no one wanted her to have a human future more than I, but I doubted he'd believe me.

I was the bloodsucking leech, I thought with a snarl.

Jealousy had taken me over as I watched the mutt pull Bella into his arms, to see him walking off with her. It was like a nightmare come to life, to see a better match for Bella take her away.

I wanted to rip his throat out with my bare hands.

It was after that I'd decided I wanted to talk to Bella, to finally get things between us sorted out because seeing her leave with him... well; it hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't want a man taking her away, I didn't want her to leave me, no matter how better of a mate someone else would make.

She was perfect, I thought with a smile.

Bella had always been perfect in every single way. She was kind and smart and shy and yet so incredibly brave it scared me. Then I left, and I know I had taken a lot from her by leaving and not just myself. I had taken away her light, that's what the mutt called it.

Only Bella had fought and clawed and found it again. It made me admire her all the more.

I smiled as I looked down at the small campsite I carted around with me all morning. Bella hadn't brought a single thing for tonight, but she'd claimed that all she'd need was good light and her two pennies.

She was crazy and silly, and being with her felt like being on the edge of a tornado and not minding one bit when I got sucked in.

So why was I letting our fight get in the way? Why was she letting our fight get in the way?

Bella and I had fought before, but never for this long. I didn't understand why our fight still filled me with anger and hurt. Why I wouldn't let my anger, my wounded feelings go and fix things between us.

I did now.

It occurred to me as I made my way to the campsite. I wanted to talk to Bella about it, but the wolf had been here. All evening I heard jibe after jibe. He thought we were soulless monster's... Welcome to the club. Did he really think anything he thought we hadn't already?

Finally, he left with a parting shot of 'bloodsucker' which I doubted Bella heard.

She looked beautiful in the fire light. The fire brought out the red in her hair; her pale skin almost glowing in the moonlight.

She groused every now and then about being surrounded by nature, but it was all in good fun. The only time I knew she was serious was when I said I'd follow her into the woods. Even I took a step back when she flashed a dangerous glare at us.

I lifted my face into the wind. It was getting stronger, the air getting cooler, but Alice hadn't seen any strong weather changes. She assured me Bella would be warm and comfortable, and that's all I needed.

I glanced down at the pile of our belongings. I didn't worry about a wildlife coming our way; no animal would come near the clearing with my scent so strong in the area. Bella smiled at the assurance.

Rolling my eyes, I flitted over to the water bottles she left behind. She would need them tonight. I quickly poured bottled water into the saucepan and held it over the strong flames and waited for it to heat.

Soon the dog would be back to stand guard, and I planned on blocking out his tiresome and irritating thoughts of my evilness and his pining over Bella.

Collecting the water bottles, I headed toward the tent. Tonight I needed to be with Bella. I needed to talk and to tell her why I was holding onto this fight just as much as she was. I needed things to be right, no matter how uncomfortable I felt at the thought of saying it out loud.

Tonight was for us. Newborns and vampires were for tomorrow. And tomorrow would come soon enough.

BPOV

Oh god he's back, I thought as Edward zipped up the tent.

I had been happily flipping through a magazine when I heard the zipper signalling my comfy silence was about to become an uncomfortable one.

"I brought you some hot water bottles. It will keep you warm," he added as he leaned down to stuff them at the bottom of the sleeping bag he'd unrolled for me earlier.

"Thank you," I replied sincerely.

He nodded slightly. "Just let me know when they start to cool, and I'll refill them."

I smiled slightly. "I will. Thank you," I repeated.

For the next five minutes, I pretended to be completely engrossed in my magazine when really, I was watching Edward pace back and forth. The tent was large enough for two to sleep comfortably, but not for a moving around upright, so it said something that he managed it.

Bella, your being an idiot, I chided myself. I was putting off this conversation and had been for over a week now. I knew we needed to clear the air. When we were planning for a war it was a bad time, but right now it was only us and we had the entire night to spare.

For ten minutes I tried to think of a way to begin the conversation, but I didn't know how. It didn't help that he seemed to become more and more agitated as he paced. I knew Edward, and I knew something was building behind that golden gaze of his.

Rip off that band aid, I ordered myself.

"Just get it off your chest, Edward," I blurted out and I tossed the magazine on the tent floor. Folding my legs, I looked up at him. "Just say it."

He glanced around before flashing me a look filled with such hurt it made my heart stop. "Why did you say no?"

I flinched at his pain filled tone. "What?" I whispered.

Sighing, he sat on the sleeping bag in front of me. "I understand... completely that I made a mess of my proposal." He cringed. "But I asked you to marry me and you said no," he whispered.

Since the moment of our fight it had been as if there were a wall between us. A wall that neither of us ripped down because of pride and anger... and stupidity.

Seeing the hurt in his eyes, hearing it in his voice… I tore down that wall and scooted closer to Edward to take his cold hands in mine. "Edward, I love you. You know that, right?"

He smiled slightly. "Of course I do."

Though it killed me to say the words, though I knew I would hurt him, I knew it had been said. "I can't marry you."

A knife to the heart would have hurt less than it did when he flinched away from my words. When he looked at me with vulnerable eyes begging me to give him another answer. "Why not?"

"Listen to me," I began. "I want to marry you. I want everything with you, Edward, but I can't say yes when we have so many problems to deal with. Problems that having nothing to do with newborns or wolves or Victoria, and everything to do with us."

Shuffling closer to me he said, "Explain. I'm listening," he promised with my favorite crooked smile. His eyes were still darkened with pain, though.

My eyes stinging from the sadness and uncertainty I felt, I said, "I can't say I'll marry you and plan a future with you, when I don't know what type of future we'll have."

The growl he couldn't hold back rattled our tent. I rolled my eyes. "I have told you I will never leave you again. I did not lie to you, Bella. I will never leave you."

I couldn't help but smile. "I know," I told him and I truly did. I believed in us now more than ever. I believed in him. "But, Edward, your plans for our future and my plans for our future are very different."

He frowned. "How so?"

"Well, I don't know how to say this without hurting you, or upsetting you, so I'm just going to put it all out there, okay?"

He nodded carefully, his eyes never leaving mine.

"You don't want me to be like you. You think my soul will be taken away and I get that. I do. But how are we supposed to move forward when we're not the same?" I asked quietly. "How are we supposed to be together when one year we say we're married, and then it will be you're my son and then my grandson? This isn't about my fear of aging, not anymore, it's about facts."

I wasn't lying to him. At one time I did truly worry about aging, but not so much anymore. I knew the future we needed to have to be happy. To be together. But I couldn't have that future without him.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I am really sorry for how I acted when we first met. I was childish because I didn't understand just what I was asking you. God, I wanted you to bite me in the middle of prom," I groaned and was happy to see his smile.

"It was a tad on the ridiculous side," he agreed.

Rolling my eyes, I said, "I know. I didn't see how much I was asking and I can never tell you how sorry I am, but that doesn't mean I wasn't right. How can we be together, Edward, when we're two different species? When I have expiration date and you don't?"

"What are you saying?" he asked and I knew what he was thinking. He thought this me telling him because I had an expiration date then that must mean that we did.

Idiot, I thought with a smile.

I squeezed his hands. "I love you and nothing will change that. All I need to know is where we're going. What happens in a few years when you have to leave Forks? I'll go with you, but what do I do about my friends and family? Do I lie to them? Do I say we're happy and married and then make excuses for the rest of my life for why they can't see you? Or do I have to give them up to protect your secret?"

I could see him thinking this over. I could see he hadn't thought about how we'd make it work in the future.

"And what about children?" I asked carefully trying desperately not to cause him pain. "I don't want them now, but I can't say the same for ten or twenty years in the future. Hell, look at Rosalie and Esme. And even you," I added quietly.

I knew Edward wanted children, though he'd never said it aloud. I knew he wanted to be able to have a family and if I thought it was possible, I would love it. But it wasn't, so I didn't think about it all that much.

I wasn't lying when I said I didn't want children, I really didn't at this point. But who wouldn't want a family eventually with this man?

"If I were like you, it wouldn't be an option and we'd deal with that like Rosalie and Emmett and Carlisle and Esme. Together. But if I could have children, Edward, and then that choice was taken away still... How is that fair to me? I know that may sound selfish, but it's true. How is it fair that I could have children but I'd have to give up that, too?"

"I wish I could be human for you, Bella. I wish me that man," he whispered.

Growling, I shoved his shoulder and regretted it when it only hurt my own arm. "I don't want you to be anything but what you are, you idiot," I snapped. "I want you. All I'm asking is the questions we're both avoiding. Ones we need answers too before we even think about a wedding."

Sighing, he dragged his hands through his hair. "I don't know these answers, Bella, I wish I did. I wish I could tell you that you wouldn't have to lie to your family or even eventually give them up for me, but I can't," he added his voice full of pain and regret. And shame.

I reached up to touch his face. "Hey, this isn't your fault or my fault. I'm not placing blame. I'm just saying we need to figure these things out."

Edward turned his face to press a cold kiss to my hand. "I can't take the risk with your so-"

"Do not say soul," I interrupted him firmly. "I know you have your reasons, but that's not one of them. When will you learn Edward that a soul is not something you have but something you are?"

He frowned. "Excuse me?"

"Don't you watch Supernatural DVD extras?" I demanded. "You are not a body that has a soul. A soul you think you've lost because of what you are. You are a soul who has a body. A soul, to me anyway, is what makes you who you are. It's your likes and your dislikes and your morals. It's what you love and what you hate, and everything that makes you, well you."

Edward sat, looking stunned for a moment and I knew that he hadn't expected that. "Thought about this a lot, have you?" he tried to tease.

Chuckling, I answered, "Yes. I have thought about it. No one as beautiful on this inside as you could have lost their soul, Edward. But... I do know me saying this won't change decades of your beliefs and fears, so let's just put that to the side."

"Okay." He nodded slowly.

"So with the proposal, that's why I said no. I can't say yes until we know what we're doing. Also you sucked at it," I added to make him laugh.

It worked, his shoulders relaxed and the sound of his laughter filled the small tent. "I think I got that. So, just to verify, the no was due to us our lack of future plans and the idiotic way I asked you, not because you don't want to."

"Exactly." I smiled. "We have time, Edward. We can get through this whole newborn army thing and then just be for a while. We don't have to figure it all out tonight, but you needed to know why."

I could see him struggling to lighten the mood and I appreciated it. "What happened to the girl who wanted to be changed as soon as possible?"

I laughed. "I realized I was being stupid. Also, I like being human. I have thing's I want to do before I give that up."

Leaning towards me he asked, "Such as?"

I smiled at him, pulling his hands back into mine. "I want to go to college with my friends. I want to share Christmas' and birthdays with them and my family. And you. I want us to travel; I want us to do so much together. Then, after that, and before I look too old, I want be like you."

"Got it all planned out," he breathed.

I nodded. "But, hey, I've just given you, like, four more years of guaranteed humanity. So, like I said, we have time to figure things out," I whispered as I tangled my fingers with his.

"That we do," he agreed. "I have to ask," he began uncertainly.

"What?" I asked.

"After tomorrow, after we figure things out, after we know what our plan is... If I ask," he started.

I smiled. "I'll say yes."

His smile was one filled with joy at my response and a little fear for the things we had to face in our relationship. I knew he wanted humanity, but that wasn't the hand we were given. Vampirism was our only option for our future.

Edward couldn't be human once again, but I could become like him. Even though I knew it would be hard, even though I knew I would never face anything as hard as being a newborn, I knew it would be worth it for him. For us.

We just needed to figure out a plan we were both happy and comfortable with.

"I feel a lot better," I told him with a chuckle.

"Me too." His brow furrowed as he said, "I am sorry. I had no right for talking to your... friend that way. Nor did I have the right to propose when I was angry and jealous. You were right about that."

I shrugged off his apology. "You were right, too. I did put my friends in front of you. Even the ones I wasn't really close to. The only explanation I can give you is that when you left... I got to be me around them. I wasn't the unhappy, broken hearted girl. I was fun and happy go lucky, and I liked that. I do owe them a lot, but I promise you I won't put them in front of you again. I am so sorry I did."

"It's okay." He smiled as he brushed the hair away from my face. "We have a lot of learning to do, remember? We also have time to fix things when we screw up and have a fight. I know you needed them and why you put them ahead of me, all I ask is that I get fair chance."

"You got it," I replied quickly. "You have more than that. I missed you," I whispered and felt tears sting my eyes.

"Oh, I missed you, too," he breathed as he pulled me in for a kiss that I didn't realize I needed so much until his lips touched mine.

#

Later that night, after a very long and needed make out session, I lay in the hot sleeping bag and was content with Edwards's arms around me.

"You know, I think this was good for us," I admitted into the darkness.

The fire had long burned out and so while Edward could see everything and assured me no spiders were in sight, I was blind. He'd also told me Jake had returned a while back and was keeping watch a little distance away.

It was one of the reasons why we stopped our very nice and juicy make out session.

I had known I missed being in his arms, I missed his kisses and his touch, but I didn't realize how much until we were wrapped up in each other. I needed him more than I even knew.

"How?" he asked as he brushed a kiss to my cheek. He hadn't been able to resist giving me little kisses and touches since Jake returned. While we were being respectful towards Jake, we had been apart thanks to our own stupidity. I needed him as much as he needed me.

"Well, before I kind of saw you through... Edward tinted glasses." I laughed at my own joke. "I saw you as perfect and amazing."

"As you should," he said and earned himself a glare.

"What I was saying before that step back in time, now I see you as you are. You are moody and grumpy and over dramatic, over protective. God you're so possessive sometimes," I groaned.

"Please Bella; tell me what you truly think of me. Don't try to spare my feelings," he drawled.

I laughed as I leaned up to place a kiss on his lips. "No, this is better. Now I see all of that. I also see that your sweet and funny and smart and creative. Your mine. Flaws and all, I want you and I love you."

"I love you." He pulled me into a lush, hot kiss before settling me onto his chest. "Go to sleep, love, everything is as it should be. We're together. As we will always be no matter the argument."

I smiled slightly. "Something's telling me we're going to have a lot of them," I said wryly.

"Probably," he laughed. "But like you said, that's a good thing. We see each other for who we really are now, Bella. We know the other is not perfect anymore, and I wouldn't have it any other way. This is truer and more real, and more wonderful than before. I wouldn't change a thing."

"Neither would I," I agreed. "I wish I could tell you how much I love you. I wish you could read it in my mind."

I felt his smile. "It would make a lot of things easier, but I know, Bella. I know how much you love me because it's the way I love you. So close your eyes and let me hold you like I've needed to for the last week and dream happy dreams of you and I and the future we will have together. No matter what it is it will be together and it will wonderful. That I promise you."