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Chapter 25

"Hello?" Julian was afraid he sounded slightly short of breath as he said this, but he was freaking out. Logan was calling him? Why? Julian didn't want to get his hopes up but of course they were already up and he just wanted Logan to say something along the lines of 'I left my husband so I could be with you.'

"Hi." Logan knew he probably sounded small and frail, but sitting in the dark in Derek's empty closet made him that way. He was enclosed completely and for once, it wasn't him protecting himself. It was the walls around him that were not of his own creation that protected him.

"Logan." Julian didn't even want to believe it really was Logan, and he kind of didn't believe it. So he said this as confirmation.

"Yeah." Logan wondered why he was calling.

Julian had nothing to say. He knew how conversations went – the other person says something and then you say something and then the other person says something and then you say something and it's a back and forth and it's natural and that's how it's supposed to be. But this wasn't feeling very natural and Julian wasn't the one who called, anyway.

"Um." Logan was stalling. He ran his fingers along the wall next to him. He couldn't see it but he felt that it was there. "So how are you?" Logan hated himself.

Julian looked at himself quizzically in the mirror, but he said, "I'm good, and how are you?"

"I…" Logan thought of all the things he could say: I miss you. I love you. I'm getting a divorce. And instead of just saying 'I'm fine' like he normally would, Logan said, "I'm not really doing so great."

"Because of the divorce?" Julian asked, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub.

"Sort of." Logan leaned against the wall. It was hard and cool against the bare skin of his arm.

"Do you need me?" Julian didn't even realize what this actually meant until he'd finished saying it, and after he realized what it meant he didn't take it back.

Logan didn't have to think about it. "Yes."

.

"I have to go," Julian said as he picked up his dinner plate with his half-finished meal on it. "That looks really good," he added to Tabby as she smashed at her broccoli with her fork. "You should try eating it."

"Where are you going?" Loe asked, twisting around in her seat so she could see Julian through the doorway to the kitchen.

Julian dumped his meal in the trash can below the sink and scrubbed off his plate. "My friend needs me," he said, and it was very dramatic sounding and kind of stupid. He stuck the plate into the dishwasher and left the utensils in the sink. "I'll be back later." He kissed his children on the head and waved an awkward good-bye to Loe before disappearing through the door.

.

Derek opened the door and was very surprised to see Julian there.

Julian hardly noticed him, though, just swept past him and up the stairs. He sincerely hoped that Logan was upstairs somewhere, because it would be really embarrassing to come back downstairs and find out he was there all along.

The first place Julian checked was the guest bedroom, and Logan wasn't there, though the bed was unmade.

Julian checked Derek's room and the bathroom and the study but there wasn't anyone in any of those rooms.

It was embarrassing.

Julian was forced to go back downstairs and find Derek still standing bewildered in the front hall.

"Where is he?" Julian asked.

Derek raised his eyebrows. "You're here to see Logan?"

"No. I'm here to see you and that's why I ran past you just now," Julian deadpanned. "Of course I'm here to see Logan you idiot! Where is he?"

Derek smiled. "Oh, you're gonna love this one, Jules."

"He left?" Julian frowned. "He left, didn't he? Where'd he go? I'll kill that man…"

"No, he's here. He's in the closet."

Julian squinted at him. "Logan is…where?"

"In the closet." Derek looked like he was trying not to laugh. "Oh and by the way, I went to your mom's house."

"Why would he be in the-" Julian realized what Derek had just said. "You went. To my mom's house."

"Yep."

"You and Clark?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"To talk to her."

"Why?"

"Because we needed her to help us talk some sense into you."

Clark appeared at this point, holding a drink from McDonald's. "We stopped to get some lunch, you hungry?"

Julian just blinked at them, horrified at the thought of Derek and Clark talking to his mom. "I can't believe you talked to my mom…"

"We got you some stuff. We also got Logan some stuff, if you see him tell him to come get it." Clark took a long sip of his drink.

"What did you say to her?" A terrible thought occurred to Julian. "You didn't tell her about Logan, did you?"

"No, of course not!" Derek rolled his eyes. "We talked to her about divorce."

Julian sighed. "Where is the food?" he asked, not wanting to talk about his mom and divorce.

"In the kitchen. Take Logan something." Clark motioned behind him with his drink, as if Julian didn't know where Derek's kitchen was.

"Will-do." Julian walked past the two of them and into the kitchen, where there were four bags of fast food sitting on the counter.

"She wants to talk to you," Derek said.

"Great." Julian picked up two bags, looking inside them quickly to make sure they were what he wanted and what Logan would want.

"She'll call you tonight," Clark added.

"Even better." Julian pushed past them. "So where is Logan?"

"Guest bedroom."

"No, he isn't, I was just in there."

"He's in the closet, I told you that."

Julian blinked at him, shook his head, and went upstairs.

.

Julian rapped his knuckles against the closet door, feeling stupid because there was no way Logan was sitting in the closet. That was just ridiculous.

Then the closet door opened and Logan was sitting in the closet.

"Why are you sitting in the closet?" Julian blurted out.

Logan smiled a tiny bit. "Is that food?" he asked, looking at the bags in Julian's hand.

"Yeah, come out and you can have some." Julian felt like he was talking to a cat or something.

"Come in and I'll eat some," Logan countered.

And even though they were both fully grown men, somehow Julian managed to step into the closet and sit with his knees up against his chest and his back pressed to the wall. Logan was sitting across from him.

Julian handed one of the bags wordlessly to Logan, who took it and looked inside.

"I love French fries," he said, smiling a little bit more and reaching in for one. He ate it and sighed. It was a mix between a happy sigh and a sad sigh.

They stared at each other for a little while, and then Logan got tired of looking and wanted to just talk without worrying about what his face was doing. So he reached out and slid the door closed.

The closet was thrown into darkness.

"This is like that restaurant where you can eat in the pitch black," Julian commented.

"I screwed everything up, I'm sorry."

"I helped screw everything up, I should get some credit."

"Is it a contest?"

"We're both winning."

"Congratulations."

"Congratulations to yourself."

"So how are things with Loe?"

"Usual."

"Usual good or usual bad?"

"Just usual."

"You deserve more than just usual." If it wasn't dark Logan wouldn't have said that.

There was silence. Julian didn't say anything. Logan reached forward, feeling with his hand until he hit Julian's knee. He moved his hand to the left and found the bag in Julian's hands. He pried Julian's fingers away from it, opened it, reached in, took out a French fry, and ate it. He handed the bag back to Julian.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Julian asked quietly.

"Anything."

"I don't think I do deserve more than just usual."

Logan wanted to hug him. He wanted to put his arms around Julian and never let go but he couldn't do that. So he moved his foot until his toes were touching Julian's shoe. That was all he could do and it didn't feel like enough because it wasn't enough.

"Of course you do," Logan whispered. "Everyone does, but you especially."

Julian opened his bag and it made a loud crinkling sound. Had it been that loud when Logan opened it? He reached in and his fingertips brushed the bag of French fries. He kept going until he found a burger. He pulled it out, unwrapped it, and took a big bite.

"I think we should be friends," Logan said.

"Aren't we?" Julian asked around a mouth of beef and lettuce and tomato and onion and bun and 'special sauce.' It sounded like 'awwee?'

"I'm not sure." Logan sighed again and this time it was definitely a sad sigh.

"Well…" Julian swallowed and it was loud in the dark. "I think we should be."

"Friends." Logan said this without any feeling whatsoever so Julian couldn't figure out exactly what the word meant.

"Yeah. Friends." He said it without any feeling either.

"It won't be awkward," Logan said in a voice that made it final.

"Why would it be?" Julian asked.

There was a silence, and then Logan started to laugh. That made Julian laugh, and they laughed for a long, long time.