I just wanted to let everyone know that I will be attempting to update at least once a week. I just got a new position at work with less down time. so between Work and Kids I do not have as much time writing. But don't worry I am still going forward and I should be able to put at least one chapter up a week. I will try to do more then that but life comes first. We are not even at a half way point but something may start moving along here. There are still blenty of twists and turns along the way,

I just wanted to Thank Everyone who is reading this. Thank You.

Katniss POV-

I wake up in bed wrapped around Gloss. Today is the day we will all be going home. I am terrified of going home it's not that I want to stay in the Capitol. I just don't want to be away from Gloss. Today will be the last time I will see him for almost six months unless we are called to the Capitol. I don't want to spend our last few hours together sleeping. Even though he is sleeping I am going to wake him up like I normally do. I know last night was hard on both of us it was my worst appointment so far. The man was brutal he liked the sight of blood. Haymitch and Gloss took me to the informatory I could not bear the sight of them. It was heartbreaking to see them in that kind of condition it only made me wonder how they were when I was in the arena. I could tell they were furious but even more they were scared. I know that the both wish they could do something to protect me.

I curl into Gloss and start to place soft kisses along his collarbone and neck. All the while I am running my hand up and down his chest until he starts to wake up which does not take very long. He is not even all the awake when he starts responding back. See I am not completely clueless when it comes to this, just when it comes to someone I do not want to be with at all. Everything with Gloss is different since he is who I belong with. Before I know it Gloss is awake and no longer holding back he wraps his arms around me and pulls me under him. We are not going to let our moment slip past us. There is so much passion in this room at this moment. I can and I won't leave this moment where all that exists is Gloss and I. We get to enjoy each other the way we want to without someone dominating the other, without any sick brutal games, without kinky games, just us the way we want it.

Gloss POV-

I hear the knock on the door and I don't even know how long we have been going at this. I cannot stop touching, kissing, feeling Katniss I don't want it to stop. How am I going to be able to go home to District One when Katniss will be in District Twelve? I don't know how I can go back to sleeping with Katniss in my bed. In the last three years I have been though more than most teens should but then again the world we live in does not allow anyone a childhood. Last night terrified me seeing Katniss walk through that door in the shape she was in. It took everything in me not to go and kill someone last night. If it was not for Cashmere and Finnick I might have made things worse for all of us. Then Katniss trying to convince me that she was ok broke my heart. I knew she wasn't ok but she needed me to be strong for her at that moment. I couldn't even so that. I hate knowing I allow this to happen to her. I am so worried for Katniss. The only other person I worry for like this is Cashmere.

We have been ignoring the knocking on the door I know neither one of us want this to end. Cinna walks in the room. "I am sorry you two but it is time to get ready. Gloss, Kern should be up here in a while I convinced him not to make you leave her." Cinna goes into the bathroom and I can hear the water running. Katniss curls into me where I am not sure where she begins and I start. She places her lips near my ear "Gloss, it's too soon. I am scared to be without you. I am not good with words and I could never express what you mean to me." Kat, everything will be fine you will have Haymitch, Gale and Prim. I know you love me and I hope you know you mean the world to me. We will talk every day even if it is just to say hi and hang up. We will get through all of this together. We are not alone in this we have Haymitch, Cashmere, Finnick, Brutus and Enobaria, Gale, and Prim on our side. "Katniss it is time to come in here" Cinna yells from the bathroom. "Gloss I love you don't ever forget that" I watch Katniss get out of bed and she is still naked walks straight to the bathroom it's not as Cinna has never seen her naked.

I think of all the change a few weeks does to a person. The day a person is reaped or volunteers it changes their lives forever. We are all different people and we will never be the same we have seen too much and have done too much. I finally decided to go take a shower since Kern will make me do that anyway. Just like Katniss I no longer care who sees me naked I have had too many Capitol citizens look at me naked to care anyone.

Katniss POV-

I go to the bathroom to start to get ready for the train. Why I have to get all dressed up just to go to the train is absurd to me. It's the Capitol though so I need to look my best because God forbid I look like the real Katniss Everdeen. I am only in the bath for a minute or so before Gloss comes in the bathroom to shower. Gloss gets out and wraps a towel around him but leaves the shower on. He walks up to me and gives me a kiss on the top of my head and tells me it's safe to talk now then walks out of the room.

Cinna is working on my hair and I know it is safe to talk now. I have gotten close to him in the last few weeks. Cinna I am scared, I am terrified I am going to do something wrong and they will punish someone I love. Look at Madge she has already died because of me. How many more am I going to kill? "Katniss you did not kill her do not think that way. I wish I could tell you things will get better or what happened last night won't happen again but I can't. Katniss I know you know this but what happen last night will happen again." I don't know how much of that I can allow it took everything in me not to snap last night. I can't tell Haymitch or Gloss my worries because I am afraid of what they would do. "You can always talk to me I will always be here for you. I understand your fears of talking to them but I think you could talk to them." Cinna you did not see them last night I was not even able to calm Haymitch down he just went and drank until he passed out and Gloss it took everything I had to convince him I was ok and even then he still was not fully convinced. Not only that but I am scared to go back to twelve. "Why? That is your home." Your right it is my home but after being with Gloss every day except for when I was in the arena. How do I go back to just a phone call each day? "You take strength in what you have. Which is Prim, Gale and Haymitch. You will still be able to talk to Finnick, Cashmere, Myself and Gloss with just a phone call. Do you want him in here now?" Yes, please. Cinna goes into the bedroom and gets Gloss I just do not want to be apart any longer then we have to.

Gloss comes over and pulls me up then sits in my seat pulling me down with him. Cinna just smiles as Gloss wraps his arms around me. We don't say anything we just sit there with him holding me tight and close to him as Cinna does my makeup. I hate this part, Cinna tries to be subtle and low key when it comes to my makeup but he has to make the Capitol citizens happy as well. I don't know how long we are sitting there before Gloss' stylist comes in. He looks like most Capitol citizens unlike Cinna. He is a lot like my prep team just the typical Capitol. Sometimes I think that they truly do not understand what the Hunger Games truly are or what happens to a Victor once they win. He makes Gloss go into the seat next to mine and starts his hair and makeup. I don't know why he spends all this time to make him into something he is not. By the time Cinna is done with my makeup Kern is still working on Gloss he takes me into the bedroom to get dressed. Thank god I did not want to stand naked in front of him. Cinna whispers to me I thought you would want a little privacy getting dressed. I thank Cinna. By the time they come into the room I am at least in my undergarments even though they are lace. Cinna puts me into my dress which happens to be a short dress about thigh high in a green color. The top is not too bad it is a sweetheart neck not to low and the sleeves are off the shoulders.

There is a knock on the door and Haymitch comes in "Sweetheart it is almost time to go" Ok Haymitch. He then walks back out with his head down and I notice he is shaking his head as he walks. I look over to Gloss and Kern has him in a horrible Green outfit to match my dress. Instead of putting him in a Green shirt or tie he puts him in a green suit. It takes everything in me not to laugh and Gloss sees me trying. He looks up too my eyes and smirks at me. Cinna finishes me off with a pair of six inch high heels.

Once we are finished getting dressed we go out into the front room and I notice it is only Haymitch and Effie. I thought Finnick may have been here I have not been able to say goodbye to him or Cashmere. I look over to Haymitch and ask will I be able to see Finnick and Cashmere before we leave. "Yes, not until we get to the train station. We had to fight to allow the two of you to stay together this morning." When we hear Effie "it's time to go we don't want to be late" We enter the elevator with me in between Gloss and Haymitch. I notice they always make sure I am near them. Gloss wraps his arm around my waist keeping me close to him.

Once we arrive to the bottom we head for the platform. I see Finnick and Cashmere and hundreds of other people. I go over to Finnick first I still don't know what I am going to say to him but then again with Finnick word just come out naturally a lot like Gale. The hardest part is watching what I say since there are so many around us. "Sweetheart if you ever need someone to talk to I am just a phone call away anytime. Remember I have been in your shoes before maybe not about everything but enough to know what you are going through." He pulls me into a hug when we hear someone yell at him. "It looks like it is time to go" he gives me a kiss on my cheek. I will miss you Finnick. As he walks away I shout at him hey tell me about any pearls you find. "Fine, I will tell you if I find one" he laughs as he boards the train. Gloss looks at me and I just shake my head. That is when we hear Effie "how would he find a pearl when they come from coal and there is no coal in Four." Haymitch, Gloss, Cashmere and I all start laughing. When Haymitch who appears to be drunk even though I know he's not drapes his arm around her and tells her Sweetheart they come from the ocean not coal. She gets out of his grasp as fast as possible and looks like she is disgusted that he touched her. The truth of the matter is we are not talking about a real pearl anyway. Finnick and I have talked in code for as long as I can remember and "pearl" really means a girl. Cashmere walks over to me "Katniss I will miss you. I promise I will watch Gloss for you and make sure he doesn't get into any trouble." He better not get into any trouble as everyone laughs. She pulls me into a hug and I whisper to her Please watch him for me and keep him safe. "Always" You too, be safe, you both mean the world to me. She then gets on the train. My last goodbye and I am dreading it. Gloss comes over to me and wraps his arms around me pulling me up to him as close as we can. I know they are taking pictures of us and filming us. He moves his hands up my sides until he places them on my face and kisses me. I kiss him with everything I can this kiss has to last us for at least a couple of months. Gloss, promises me you will take care of Cashmere and keep her safe. "That is one promise you never have to ask I will always watch after her. Kat stay safe call me anytime don't ever worry about the time if you want to call you call. I love you and I will miss you." Gloss you do the same. I love you and will miss you more than I could ever say. He yells over to Haymitch "Watch over our beautiful Victor here" I hate all of our Capitol acts I wish we could just be ourselves without all of this non sense. Gloss gives me one more kiss before we go to our separate trains.

I board my train and watch the other train pull away from us each passing second getting further and further away. I go straight to my bedroom knowing they can still see me if I stay out in any of the common areas. I barely make it to the room before I have tears running down my face. I notice there are clothes on the bed for me and I look at them noticing there is a pair of black tight stretch pants and a tank top with matching flats. I change into the comfortable clothes and sit on the bed staring at the door I don't know why. I feel lost at the moment and not sure what I should be doing. Haymitch walks in not even knocking which is a problem a good thing I don't think I would have answered him or open the door. It is like I am frozen at the moment. He goes around the room and does something at a couple of spots I don't even know what he is doing. He then walks over to me sits down and pulls me into him. At this small gesture I completely break down. He doesn't say anything just rubs my back holding me letting me know that I am safe right now and it will all be ok. I don't know how long we stay like. It feels like no time has gone by when I am woken by Haymitch nodding. Then I hear Effie's voice which is soft. "Dinner is ready but if you want to stay here with her I will make up an excuse for both of you. How is she doing?" Haymitch just softly says as well as can be expected due to the situation. But she is a fighter and she will get through all of this in the end. We will be right there for dinner I will wake her up and we will see you in the dinning train. Haymitch is still rubbing my back when he softly says "Sweetheart, it's time to wake up. Dinner is ready."

Gloss POV-

I barely board the train to go to stand near Cashmere and Finnick. We are on the same train. I feel like I can't breathe right now after everything we have been through I cannot bear the thought of being so far away from her. "How are you going to go months without her?" Finnick I don't know I know we did it before but that was before all of this. I am not sure how to go back to just phone calls. I know she will have support at home and I am happy to know that she has Haymitch, Prim and even Gale. "Aren't you ever jealousy of Gale?" Yes, but not the way most would think. I am jealousy that he gets to be with her and take care of her when I cannot. We go and sit down on the couch. I know we have to watch what we say since they could be listening to us right now. I look at her and she has tears going down her face now that we are out of the spot light. Cash, are you scared of going home? "Yes, you know how people are back home when you neither tribute comes home. Not only that but we lost Marvel. He won't be there to see us come off the train. He won't be there when I need to talk someone besides you. How can we face his parents?" Cash stop now. Let's take one thing at a time. As for not bringing a tribute home there will always be someone mad at us. think about it even last year when I came home with you some where mad that she didn't come home. This year it was personal to us since it as Marvel but remember what he told you all those times. Finnick adds "Keep him close to your heart he will always be with you there. Sometimes you won't be able to bring anyone home and you will have to live with it. It's hard but it's part of the game." Cash I miss him as well there has been several times where I thought I can't wait to tell Marvel something only to realize he is gone. When get off this train we are going to hold our heads up high. There will be plenty of people pissed at us they will think we chose Katniss over them. But we both know she will not be Katniss to a lot of them. They will call her everything under the book. Not only that but we will also be called who knows what for associating with her you being her friend and me being openly in love with her. "Will they really hate you both for that?" Finnick asks Cashmere Nods her head "Yes, they will. Katniss will be called a district twelve rat, scum, and so many more. They will also treat us that way now." Cash it may not be forever though it is likely they will get over it. But they better not say any of that bullshit around me. "See Finnick this is why Katniss asked me to keep him out of trouble. She knows he is not going to let them talk about her like this. Look at him you can see his anger he looks like he could really ..."

Cashmere and I know we are almost to home. I look to Finnick and tell him that he has us now call any time. "He is right but you already knew that I was here for year after what you did for me last year." The train is starting to stop. Ready Cash? As ready as I will ever be. Finnick don't break too many hearts. He laughs we both know what he truly is looking for. As we are exiting the train Finnick yells at us "Don't get into too much trouble or you now I will have to tell Katniss. I am pretty sure you don't want to get on her bad side who knows what you would find." We both chuckle but keep our faces without much emotion. Here's the thing with Finnick with the Capitol is every bit flirty and outgoing. You know it will never be a dull moment with him around. He is the center of everything people gravitate towards him. He has a light in him that is beyond anything I have seen before. Katniss in a way has the same thing where people gravitate towards her but for a different reason with her it's because they see a fire in her that she has yet to see. But Finnick away from the Capitol is still that same person the only difference is we also see his soft side to him. I will be surprised if he ever finds a girl completely worthy of his love. He has so much to give someone that the girl he falls for better be equally as soft hearted as he is.

Once we are off the train we know there is no one waiting for us here. Our parents would never be here in a million years. Some in the crowd are cheering for us yelling that they love us. Then there are some angry at us. We hear one "You choose a Rat over them", "You should be ashamed of yourselves for aligning yourselves with her." I just pull Cashmere with me through the crowd not listening to any of the comments. It takes everything in me not to punch them right then. I actually start thing about how much trouble would I get into if I did punch them. Its when I feel Cashmere squeeze my hand that I decide to continue walking to the car. We get in the car that is waiting for us and go home. I look at Cashmere who has tears in her eyes not letting them out. I ask her which house she wants to go to. Our parents live in her house since she won before me. I moved into mine as soon as I won and Cashmere is at my house more than her own. "Yours, I do not want to hear them tonight." I tell the driver which house to go to.

Katniss POV-

When I wake up in the morning I don't want to go to breakfast but I know if I don't I will have to listen to Effie yelling about manners. After hearing Effie and Haymitch last night I don't want to upset her. This is what has confused me in the past with Effie she can act like a human sometimes and then all of a sudden she is Capitol Effie. There are days where I wish I knew which one is the true Effie. I get up and out to the dining car not even changing. At this point I do not care I know I will have to change anyways since we will be home today. I go and Sit down next to Haymitch. I am somewhat surprised when Effie doesn't say anything. We barley talk at breakfast it's like we are all pretending nothing has changed and that none of this is real. I can't stand it anymore and as soon as I am done eating I walk out going back to my room. Once I get back to my room I walk over to the window and look out to see the open space. I don't even turn around when someone opens my door. Right now I no longer care after everything I have been through. I have only been away from home for three weeks but my whole life has changed. "Sweetheart it will all be ok once we are home it will get better easier." I laugh at Haymitch I don't even look at him but I know that is who is in my room. I still don't turn around when I tell him Dad, how will everything be ok? "I promise Sweetheart it will get easier." Stop listen to me for a minute and do not interrupt me. Only twenty one days ago I had to volunteer to go into the Hunger Games then I found out my mother and father our not my parents, that you are my father. Nineteen days ago I arrived to the Capitol to be shown off before my potential death. The only bonus was I was able to see Gloss, Finnick and Cashmere. Eighteen days ago I started training on how to murder children. Sixteen days ago I showed them who I truly was by not following the rules during by training session. I was then given the highest score in history just to make sure there was a target on me. Fifteen days ago I was dressed up giving what could have been my finial interview. Fourteen days ago I was put into a fight till death. Where in just twenty four hours I personally killed eight kids, Dad I killed EIGHT in just one day. Then thirteen days ago I was lit on fire for reals this time, then I Killed another person. Twelve days ago I was really fighting for my life as a sick basterd cut me open and then proceeded to stab me countless of times all while trying to have his way with me. Dad, I saw the footage I lost it I didn't just kill him I slaughtered him I did not stop. I am in tears at this point in my speech Haymitch still has not said a word or moved he is letting me have my say first. "Then Eleven just Eleven days ago I was in the finial fight for my life. I watched Rue a child who should have never been in a place like that die then I once again killed another. If I could only say that was my last kill but sadly I cant. I then had to run to my or someone else death. Where I know that Marvel save my life and died for me. He died so I could live, he died to send be home. He died. He was their friend and maybe more and I let him die for me as if my life was more important than his. I then made my finial kill. DAD, I KILLED TWELVE KIDS. They will never go home there families will never see them again I took them out of the life with my own hands. And if all of that wasn't enough I find out that I without a doubt would become a whore. Ten days ago I find out because of what I did Madge is dead. Then I parade on a stage and act happy about what I have done following go to a party where I find out I have already been sold. Then Nine days ago I am off sleeping with some man in order to protect my family. I then spend the next six days being nothing but a whore. Having to sleep with men that I cannot stand and acting as if I there would be nowhere else I'd rather be. I thought having sex with them was bad enough I never imagined what some of them were capable of. How brutal and disgusting they could be. The only thing that saved me from thinking I'd rather be dead was, Gloss, You, Cashmere and Finnick. If I did not have you guys I would not be coming home or I would be going home to no one. Dad, how can three weeks change my life so much? I pretty much killed fourteen people already in three week fourteen kids have lost their lives due to me. I can't hold it in anymore I fall down to the ground crying. Haymitch just comes over to me on the ground and wraps his arms around me and hold me while I cry. We stay there quite for some time it not until my crying has slowed down that he starts to talk. "Sweetheart that was one hell of a speech there but there are something's you are forgetting." I go to interrupt him and move away but he stops me. "Sweetheart, I let you have your say now you are going to listen to me. Do you understand?" Yes, I will let you talk. I don't interrupt him I will let him say what he needs to.

"Your right your life will never be the same again. None of us will ever be the same person we once were. There is not a Victor who has not killed someone. You my dear are right you have had to pay some prices already because you did not play by the rules. But you see none of us that know you expected anything less. I will start with Marvel; yes he did give his life for you. He did it for lots of reasons one being you are his best friends love and you where his loves best friend. He knew that both of them needed you more then they needed him neither of them where the same until they met you. Did that mean they were back to their old selves no but they started to live again. Then there was the fact that even he saw more in you then you see yourself. He was willing to die for you because he saw that we need you not just your friends and family but all of us. You my daughter are a fighter but you are also compassionate. Yes, you killed twelve kids in the arena but most of their deaths were fast and painless. If it was not for you killing them there deaths would have been slow, torturous and painful. You let them die in peace even though it would tear you apart in the end. You comforted three of them as they died and only two of them where your ally the third was trying to kill you. Sweetheart, I am sorry you have had to become as you quote a "whore". I wish I could do something to protect you from that kind of pain. I can't even tell you how sorry I am that you have to deal with that. I know it is hard for you and I know that you cannot do this forever. You have too much survivor instincts to not do something. I wish you could have everything I know you want deep down you may not even be able to admit to it now and you don't have to. Katniss you put a spark into people you don't even have to say anything. It is what you do that makes you who you are. For the first time in all my years mentoring I saw Capitol Citizens truly cry for you, hurt for you, and be outraged for you. I wished I could take you pain but I can't. Out of everything that has happen to you I am glad you have someone how can give you something I cannot. There is no doubt in my mind that Gloss loves you whole hearty there is nothing that boy would not do for you. In your times of doubt and hurt let him be your rock just as you are his. You have friends that will stand by you no matter what Gale, Finnick and Cashmere would do anything for you. I will also always be here for you Katniss no matter what. I could never have asked for a better daughter and I am truly sorry for not always being there. But do know you were always loved and still are."

I take in what Haymitch has said to me I am still crying but he has made me feel a little better. I know what he said is true at least most of it is. It's just hard to remember at time. I have started to get used to calling him dad it didn't take much I have always thought of Haymitch as a second father anyways. What happens when we get home? Do we just go back to being secretive? I don't know what to do. Please tell me what to do. "It's ok, Sweetheart let's take one thing at a time. As for do we have to be secretive I would say yes and no. Do we have to hide that there is a close relationship between us now? No we don't there is always a bond between a mentor and tribute obviously ours has a different dynamic to it but still. We are allowed to show that we are close. I do think we should keep our actual relationship two ourselves for now." I don't think I could go back to how we were. I am so scared to go home right now. I am worried on what people will think of me especially Prim and Gale. I worry about how Gale is doing since Madge died. I worry about him working in the mines. I worry about how I am going to get by without Gloss. I had promised myself that I would never fall in love not only did I fall in love but I fell in love with someone from a whole other district. Somone who can never truly be mine I will always have to share him. Even with that I cannot say I regret it or wish I never fell for him. Haymitch doesn't even have a chance to respond since Effie is at the door and walks all the way in. "I am sorry I have to interrupt the two of you but Katniss your prep team is waiting for you." She says this in that same soft gentle voice as last night. Thank you Effie, I stand up and walk out the door. On my way out I noticed Haymitch and Effie's looks to each other. It is then that I know that was the real Effie the kind women with the soft and gentle voice. I also saw the look in her eyes as she glanced at Haymitch I am not sure what kind of emotion it was but I do not that it was not hate or disgusted.

I walk to where my prep team is waiting for me. They are gossiping like normal quite a bit about Gloss and I even a few rumors about Finnick. From the sounds of it there is one where all three of us our together as couple or whatever you want to call that. I have to laugh at that one. Finally Cinna comes in after they have done my hair and makeup. Cinna dresses me in a pair of tight fitting pants a forest green shirt that reminds me of the woods. Then a fitted leather hunting jacket and a pair of hunting boots with no heels. Its then I notice I have very minmal make up and my hair is in my classic braid. I look at Cinna What no Girl on Fire? "No, Katniss today you are simply Katniss Everdeen the District Twelve Victor of the 70th Hunger Games. The girl they already know and love." Thank You Cinna, I can't tell you how much it means for me to go home looking as myself. I noticed that Haymitch is now in the room with us. "Sweetheart are you ready? The train is about to stop and then we will be home." I feel the train coming to a stop and that is when I start to panic. "Its ok Katniss, they will still love you" It is Cinna reassuring me. We head over to the door waiting for us to exit. I check behind me to make sure that Haymitch is still there. I see him and then Effie and Cinna.

When I exit the train I immediately look for Prim. It does not take much to finder here since she is right there standing next to Gale. I look and do not see my mother and truthfully I am not surprised by this. I run to Prim and pull her up to me holding her close to me. I don't want to let go. I am afraid that she will go away if I let go. Its not until Haymitch puts his hand on my shoulder and tells me "Sweetheart she is not going anywhere it is ok." That I let go of here and greet Gale giving him a hug as well. There are so many people surrounding us. I look around and Prim is the one to tell me "she is not here she said she needed to get a couple of things ready at the house." I just nod my head at her. I can believe I am here with both her and Gale. "Come on Katniss let me show you are house. We are right next door to Haymitch." Prim tells me. I start to walk holding her hand. When I notice Gale is not moving I look at him and tell him you're not leaving me already right. He shakes his head and catches up to us. We walk to my new house in the Victor Village.

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