"No, Red, please. I'll do anything you want if you forgive me." he said with his eyes filled with tears and tried to touch her shoulder again but she avoided him. It was already dark outside and the clock was nearly ten. They were quiet for what seemed like an eternity for Healy. Suddenly the silence was broken from a voice from his radiophone:
"Reznikov is not in her bunk. Has anyone seen her?" a CO called.
"You pick that up and tell them that you sent me to the SHU." Red said very strictly and looked up at Healy. "Don't you dare to make this worse." she continued warningly as he picked the phone up. He pressed down a button and collected himself and spoke:
"I sent her to SHU. She had five shots."
"All right mr Healy." the CO on the other end said.
"I don't want to bring you to the SHU." he said to Red when he put the phone away.
"What choice do we have?" Red hissed. "If you hadn't fucked things up like this." she continued upset.
"I'm so sorry Red." he said. "I always fuck things up. I don't seem to manage anything." he continued upset and she could see that his hands were trembling.
"I don't know why I did it. I hurt the person I love most." he continued as his breaths got shorter and suddenly he was sobbing and breathing rapidly.
"I'm a terrible person. I always hurt everyone and…" he was gasping for air and looked like he was about to get choked. Red turned to him concerned and could see that he was shivering.
"Sam, are you alright?" she asked. He was sweating like a pig and couldn't breath normally. She checked his puls. It was racing. He was having a panic attack.
"Calm down." she said comfortingly and opened the collar of his shirt. "I'm here." she said. "Breathe" she said and tried to remain calm. She felt a small panic inside herself but realised that showing it to him wouldn't help.
"Breathe!" she said again and took his hand.
He calmed down a little bit.
"Do you hate me?" he asked alarmed, still not quite able to speak from his heavy breathing.
"No, I don't hate you." she said. "Come on, just breathe."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Inhale, exhale…" Red ordered. He did as she said.
"Inhale, exhale…" Red continued and felt relieved that it seemed to work. An ambulance in this situation would have been terrible. After ten minutes of breathing Healy felt better. He was still a bit fragile, but he was okay. Red was so relieved when he calmed down. She couldn't possibly show her anger right now for he could break down again and she could not leave him alone. She was trapped.
"I hope you can forgive me Red." he said sadly and rested his head against her shoulder.
"Let's talk about this tomorrow." she said.
"But I want you to know, that I'd do anything for you." he said and let his head fall down to her lap.
"You could start with shutting up." she said annoyed and let him be in her lap.
"Okay. I'm sorry." he whispered and closed his eyes. He fell asleep. Great, Red thought to herself. Now she had to sit up all night keeping an eye on a man whom she was so angry at that she could have crushed his head in her lap. She'd have to wait for him to wake up and hope that when he would, he would be normal.