Author's Note: Yeah, so I didn't give you any time on the last chapter. I thought I wasn't finished with this chapter, but I had no idea what to write, and it seemed like it stopped in a good place. So, two updates in one day! Hey! Be happy! Yay!

Disclaimer: No, I seriously (Siriusly, ha ha; I'm such a dork) don't own Big Time Rush.

Late that night, Carlos' door creaked open. He hadn't gotten any sleep and was expecting to see Dr. Michaels, asking him how he was. So when he heard the person clear his throat, he was surprised.

"Carlos?" he heard a whisper. "You awake?"

Carlos rolled his eyes. What was Kendall doing in his room this late at night? He should be asleep. Kendall was going to leave the next day, he had to rest so he'd be up to it.

But when he saw Kendall's worried and slightly green face, he knew Kendall needed to talk to him. Carlos nodded, still not talking. Kendall moved into the room further, closing the door quietly. Carlos watched Kendall as he walked over to the bed, sitting down at the end. It felt weird to be the one in the bed while Kendall came in to see him. He wondered what was going on.

"Uh, hi," Kendall said awkwardly. Carlos raised an eyebrow. "Uh, I'm glad you're okay."

Carlos just stared at Kendall. What was wrong with him? He was acting like something was really, really wrong. He didn't get it.

"I'm being stupid," Kendall finally shook his head. "Listen, Carlos. I had a dream. It was Peter - did you meet Peter? I don't know if you did."

Carlos nodded. Kendall nodded back. "Well, he said that you were depressed and suicidal, and then Logan and James couldn't find you and I got really worried. Then Katie woke me up in the middle of the night and told me that you were in the hospital, and the doctor said you might have attempted suicide and -," Kendall's voice broke. He paused.

Carlos was confused. Was Kendall just here to make him feel guilty? It wasn't going to work. He wasn't going to let Kendall make him feel guilty.

Kendall took a steadying breath and continued. "I just had a dream, just a little bit ago. In it, you were in some part of LA I didn't recognize. You had a knife. You…you stabbed your arm with it."

His voice wavered and suddenly Carlos could see very clearly what Kendall was talking about. The memories were coming back.

"You pushed the knife into your wrist and there was so much blood, Carlos," Kendall sounded like he was going to start crying. "There was so much blood! And then you collapsed, and I could tell, you meant to do it, you meant to die. I just want to know why, Carlos. Why?" his voice broke into a sob. "Why did you want to die?"

Carlos didn't meet Kendall's eyes. He knew what Kendall said was true. He could remember now. He remember how dark his thinking had been. He remembered considering the different ways to do it that night, and stealing a knife from the kitchen. He remembered leaving the apartment. He hadn't had any intention to go back. He'd walked around until he was good and lost, then went into an alley. He'd pulled out the knife. It had been beautiful to him then, his only way to escape. His only way to get rid of the pain and suffering. He'd stopped for a few moments, to admire its beauty. Then, he'd put it to his wrist, said a quick good-bye to anyone who decided to care after he was gone, and pushed the knife down into his wrist.

The blood had come out immediately. Carlos had never been a big fan of blood, but the sight of it had stopped him in his tracks, kept him captivated as more and more of it had poured out of him.

Then the darkness had taken over. Carlos hadn't given it a second thought when he'd given in to the darkness. He'd welcomed it, even. He hadn't wanted to wake up in a hospital, and he never wanted to have this conversation with Kendall. He was convinced now that Peter had let him choose wrong. He didn't want to be alive. He didn't want to deal with this. He just wanted it to go away.

Kendall had control of himself now. He grabbed Carlos' good hand with his own good hand. Carlos stared at their hands. Kendall's felt warm, reminding him of his mother's when he'd held hers when he was younger.

"Carlos?" Kendall said softly. "Just know that I'm here, okay? I'm here, and I care about you. And I don't want you to die."

They were the right words, but Carlos didn't take them in. He wasn't paying attention anymore. He was beyond words now. He refused to believe what Kendall was saying. It wasn't true.

He faked a yawn. Kendall stood up immediately. "Sorry. I didn't mean to keep you up late. I just wanted to talk to you. I'll leave."

Carlos waved as Kendall left. He relaxed as the door shut quietly and stared at the ceiling. He needed to think.

Author's Note: Ohhh, Carlos, you idiot. Anyway, what did you think? I don't know how I wrote this chapter. It was weird. I remember writing it, and I remember it was easy, but...I don't know. I'm not suicidal in real life, so I just don't know. Anyway, the stories! Right! I'm gonna remind you guys, although you probably just finished chapter 24. I'm thinking about writing two stories: A sequel to this one that will be Carlos-centric, and an entirely new one that will be Kendall-centric. Problem with that is I don't know what to write for the Kendall-centric one! Got any ideas? If you're still reading, I love you. And here's a heard: 3