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Chapter 25 Hugs and kisses

I woke up a couple of hours after I'd fallen asleep and stretched out in my small bed. I could hear scuffling noises downstairs. The pack must be down there. Too bad, Sam could tell them why his little slave was on strike. I got up and wandered downstairs, I could hear them all laughing and it annoyed me. Sam shouldn't be happy. I kept a scowl on my face as I went in the kitchen. "Hey Emily" Paul said a little too nicely. I nodded to him and Jared, they were eating take out. Chinese take out.

I made a face at the way it smelled. Disgusting. I opened the fridge and dug out some yogurt and reached in the drawer for a spoon. Jared finally spoke to me "So uh, you wanna go down to the beach with us later? We're going to try out cliff diving from the top for a change".

thought of Sam jumping from there, he wouldn't get hurt but I didn't like it. "No thanks, I like my neck the way it is". I knew the tension between me and Sam was starting to make them worry. Sam cleared his throat loudly "I'll leave the keys on the counter if you want to go somewhere". So he wasn't going to deprive me of a vehicle or anything else but actual attention, I almost laughed. Paul looked uncomfortable, they were sitting in the cross fire and he knew it. "You could come to the bonfire then, Old Quil is telling the stories tonight to us, Sam's already heard them, but we haven't". I hated to miss out on that.

My stomach lurched as I thought of going somewhere "I think I'll just stay here really. I got some stuff to do". Sam was watching me, trying to look like he wasn't. "I'm not in the mood for it anyways". Paul shrugged "Suit yourself". He got a wicked grin on his face "I was hoping you'd be my date". Jared snickered into the noodles, Sam frowned at him, not sure if he was serious or not. I couldn't help myself. I grinned back at Paul "Maybe next time".

Jared rolled his eyes 'Don't encourage it". Sam wasn't saying anything, just giving us both dirty looks. I glanced at Sam, our eyes met for a flash before we both looked away. "I think I'm free for a while". Sam coughed, "I'm ready" he said as he got up, shoving the chair back as he stood, almost knocking it over. I watched them as they all piled out, looking like brothers again.

I shook my head and started cleaning up the mess they'd left. I had to do that at least or I wouldn't be earning my keep. I smiled wryly to myself as I washed their dishes. I went to throw the empty containers away and stopped and looked at the calendar. It had been a month and a half now. I stared at it, thinking back. I touched my stomach, pressing on it. I did feel kind of sick, but that could be from nerves. I was tired, but that could be from all the crying and late nights. I was late, but that could be from the stress I'd been under lately. I frowned at the calendar, blaming it.

I didn't know if this was a good thing or a bad thing. I wasn't even speaking to Sam, the only reason I hadn't left was because I knew it would hurt him too bad for me to be away from him. I wasn't that heartless, I did still love him. I feeling panicky as I went to the recliner and sat down. My knees were weak as I sat there, my head hung in my hands, gripping my hair. I wanted a baby. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. Hot tears came down my cheeks as I curled into a ball in the chair. I didn't even have anyone I could call and talk to.

If I called Helen it would be too excruciating. If I called Leah well.. That might not turn out so good either. My mom… she would yell a lot. Aunt Sue would probably yell at me too. I didn't have any other female friends. I didn't even have Sam right now. I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand. I had to calm down, I couldn't freak out. Sam would know something was up if he saw me crying. I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling my stomach again, for some sign. I had to get upstairs, Sam would be back soon. I got up shakily and dragged myself upstairs and shut my door. I didn't think he would come in when he got home. I crawled back into bed, and stared out the window, I probably wouldn't be able to see Sam though.

I laid there, thinking about what to do. I didn't dare go to the store on the reservation. I didn't want to drive to the Makah rez either. Port Angeles was kinda far away. I sighed, was I imagining feeling sick? I rolled onto my side, I was regretting being hateful to Sam now. I didn't have anyone now. I could hear him as he shut the back door and thumped his way upstairs, I stayed still, trying to hear where he was going. Bathroom. I heard the door shut and reopen.

I frowned as I listened as hard as I could, suddenly my door opened a crack, I could feel his eyes on me as I closed mine, pretending to be asleep. Sam came in quietly and pulled the blankets over me, and turned my lamp off. Before he left, he bent down and kissed my cheek lightly. I was using all my self control not to open my eyes and spill everything to him. Sam pushed my hair back lightly and tip toed back out. I let out a sigh of relief. He could probably sense how nervous I was. Sam probably thought it was from fighting with him though.

The tv went on in the room next door. I stared up at the dark ceiling, wondering what he could possibly be doing. I couldn't hear him making any movement, or moving around. It was too early for him to be asleep though. A wave of nausea came over me, I begged myself not to throw up. I sat up and moved the edge of the bed, holding myself. I didn't feel good at all. Kind of hot and cold at the same time. I finally shot up from the bed and ran to the bathroom, not even closing the door behind me. I felt sick but nothing happened. I groaned as I leaned against the side of the bath tub. Not again. I'd already been sick like this one time. "Are you okay?"

I looked towards the door where Sam was standing, looking concerned. I gave him a look "I'm fine, just… girl stuff". That shut him up quick. "Sorry" he mumbled as he scurried off back to his respective room. I kicked the door shut after him, I didn't need him nosing around right now. I sat there, dozing on and off between that horrible feeling. I woke up to Sam knocking on the bathroom door. "Emily, I need to get ready for work" he said aggravated. "You've been in here all night". I pulled myself up, "Sorry" I said softly as I walked past him. His eyes were burning into my back as I started to go into his room, then turned and walked back towards mine.

I'd go to his room after he left for work, I decided, he had a tv in there, and his mattress was a lot fluffier than this one. I didn't go downstairs to fix breakfast for him like I usually would when he worked this early. I didn't even make him any coffee. I'd teach him what it was like to ignore me and take me for granted. I rubbed my eyes as I watched out of the tiny window at the woods. "I'm leaving, when I get back later we need to talk" Sam said, I snapped out of my daze, I didn't know he'd been standing there. "Fine." I replied simply. Sam frowned at me "I put you some of that herbal tea of the counter". So now he was trying to sedate me I thought. "Thank you" I said quietly. Sam nodded at me and looked like he wanted to say more but didn't. He just looked at me, with a meaning I hadn't saw before. He turned and left the room. I waited until I heard him drive off to pad down the hall and jump in his bed. It was still warm. I snuggled into the sheets, breathing in his scent.

I wrapped the comforter around me as I lay there, I didn't feel anything but sleepy now. I closed my eyes, picturing a small dark haired baby girl, smiling up at me. I wanted this baby more than anything if there was one, I was just worried about Sam's reaction. I laid there, thinking about turning the spare room into a nursery with yellow walls, and matching white furniture.

I snapped out of it, realizing I'd laid around too long already. I headed downstairs, Sam didn't touch anything down here. I grabbed the phone from the hook and dialed the familiar number. Helen answered on the second ring "Hello?" her voice rang out. I paused, "Hi.. Its um. Its me. Emily I mean" I stammered out. "I thought so, well, what's going on ?" she said getting right to the point. Beating around the bush wasn't Helen's style. "I was just wondering if you could take me to Forks. And not tell Sam before we go". Helen didn't answer for a moment "Okay, are you ready now?". I was shocked. That had been entirely too easy. "I'll be ready as soon as you get here". Helen laughed "Ok I'll be over in a few then sweetheart". We hung up at the same exact time.

I rushed to the laundry room and dug out a pair of jeans and the first shirt I found. I wasn't bothering with make up today. I looked at myself in the mirror as I brushed my teeth. The toothpaste was making me sick. I was skipping down the stairs just as I heard Helen pull up. I grabbed my purse, checking to make sure I still had one of Sam's cards in there. I'd grown more comfortable with spending his money after I realized, he really didn't care about money at all. It was just something he had.

I ran down the porch steps towards Helen's Altima and got in quickly. "Thank you so much" I said gratefully as I hooked my seat belt. Helen smiled at me brightly 'It's no problem, we don't get to have a girls day very often". We were on our way, I was careful to duck down slightly as we passed the garage. I didn't want to risk Sam seeing me. Helen looked at me amused, "Has he scared you into not leaving town?" she joked. I laughed at her "Technically.. Yes". Helen looked at me "He didn't" she mused. "I cant believe my son". I changed the radio station, feeling at ease with Helen, "He's just protective. He worries about me too much sometimes though".

I saw her looking at my bruised wrists, the bruises had faded to yellow, I pulled it back as quickly as I could. "Did he do that?" she asked quietly. I looked out the window "It was my fault, I did something I shouldn't have after he told me not to". Helen pursed her lips "Sam still shouldn't have grabbed you hard enough to leave a mark".

I sighed and rubbed the spot "He doesn't realize he does. To Sam, he was only holding onto my wrist, not gripping it so hard". Helen let it drop at that. "So where to?" she asked as we entered the Forks City limits. I didn't look at her "Oh.. The drug store I think will be fine". I stared at my hands. Helen didn't say anything for a while. "Or I could go in the grocery store. Either one". Helen turned at the red light "Anything certain you need?" she finally said. I cringed slightly, admitting this to Sam's mother was going to be hard. "Just a… a… a uh" I was stammering. "I mean a um, pregnancytest" I ran the words together hoping she wouldn't hear them as I mumbled. If I could have sunk any lower into the seat, I would have.

Helen stared straight ahead at the road "Is it for you? Is that why we came to Forks instead of somewhere in La Push?". I nodded, feeling shaky again. She pulled up to the small drug store creatively called "Forks Main Drug". I sat there, stalling. I reached for my purse, "Do you want me to go in?" Helen asked me kindly. I felt relief food over me "I don't think I could make it inside" I admitted. I handed her Sam's card. She took it and got out. I sat there, staring at the window, as she walked through the drug store.

A few minutes later Helen slid into the drivers seat again. She passed me the brown paper bag. "I got you four different ones". I nodded at her, "Thank you". Helen looked over at me "Its okay sweetheart, calm down". I took a shaky breath. "I don't know if it is". I sniffled as I poured out the long story of what had happened the day before. "He'll hardly even speak to me". I felt my lower lip tremble. "He will. Sam's not that stubborn and I know he cant go too long with talking to you, he doesn't have it in him" she reassured me. "My house or yours?" she asked as we crossed back into La Push. "Sam-- My house". Helen drove back through town, I didn't even bother hiding from view of the garage this time.

We pulled up to the tiny house. "I can stay if you want" Helen said trying to be helpful. I didn't know if I wanted her to or not. I got out "Stay, I don't have anyone else,". I saw a look of excitement in her eyes as we went inside. "I don't have anyone else I can talk to". I kicked my shoes off and let my jacket fall from my shoulders. I let myself fall down on the couch. "I'm tired' I said softly. Helen was walking around the house, straightening up things I should have before I left. "I'll clean later" I said to her, she ignored me and walked off into the kitchen. I slumped over, "Here, start drinking" Helen was handing me a glass of water. "The sooner the better". I sighed as I started gulping the water down. Helen was still moving the house, as I sat there, "Go on" she said as she shoved the bag at me. I stood up in slow motion and walked off up the stairs, I didn't want to know yet. I'd rather live in denial for a few days. I went in the bathroom and frowned as I read the labels on the boxes. Which one should I start out with? I finally just grabbed one. After following the instruction I sat down on the bathroom floor to wait. I kept glancing at my watch every few seconds. It had been twelve minutes. Way longer than needed. I got up cautiously and looked. Oh no.. oh no.. oh no..

I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I looked at the bright pink plus sign. I wasn't crying because I didn't want the baby. I was crying because I couldn't tell Sam. I heard Helen knocked on the door before opening it a second later. "Have you looked yet?" she asked quickly. I silently held the test out for her to look at. Pure joy washed over her face. "I'm so happy for you!" Helen exclaimed. She didn't seem to notice that I wasn't jumping up and down with her. "Maybe you should take another one just to be sure though". I nodded, willing to try anything. Helen couldn't keep the smile off her face as she shut the door so I could do everything three more times.

I kept brushing my tears away as they fell. I wanted Sam to say he was sorry. Then it would all be okay. I waited forever it seemed, millions of thoughts running through my mind. I looked down at the tests that gave me the same exact readings. I opened the bathroom door and went straight to Sam's room and buried myself in the bed. I could hear Helen moving around in the kitchen, banging pots around. I should go help her I thought. I was having a baby. Sam's baby. It was wonderful. Wonderful but still shocking. I'd thought it'd take much longer than this to actually get what I wanted.

I couldn't bring myself to move from the bed though. I laid there fully clothed until she came up. Helen's excitement was still showing as she babbled about how I needed to find a doctor as soon as I got a chance, and how she would do this and that. I blanked her chatter out as I shut my eyes. "I already put something in the oven for Sam and the boys to have when they get here, its enough for all three of them if he brings the kids back with him". I opened one eye up and looked at her, she didn't notice I hadn't been replying for a long time now.

"Thank you. For taking me. And for doing the housework I should have been doing" I said softly. Helen smiled at me, her eyes shining "I didn't mind at all. I know you don't feel good. And I should really be thanking you, for letting me stay with you. You called me instead of your own mother". I laughed at that.. "I needed a pregnancy test, not a funeral". Helen laughed at me "Don't be afraid to tell her, she's still your mother". I smirked "Sam obviously hasn't told you much about her'. Helen felt my forehead "I'm going to go, he'll be here soon. Just.. don't push him on this Emily. I don't like worrying about the two of you over here, fighting, especially not now". I nodded "I won't" I promised her. I crawled out of Sam's bed and followed Helen downstairs and let her out, waving bye and thanking her several more times.

I sat down at the kitchen, knowing I looked horrible. I had bags under my eyes, and my dark skin was pale. I rested my head on the table, waiting for Sam. I heard him pull up and went to the oven and took out the lasagna that Helen had put in and sat it on top of the stove and sat back down. He was whistling as he walked in. I sat there, watching him as he stopped in the living room and kicked his Nikes off. Next came the garage overalls. I stood up as he came in. "I wasn't expecting this" Sam said as he looked at the lasagna. I shrugged and cut him a huge piece of it. "Are the boys coming over?" my voice sounded hoarse. Sam shook his head "Not tonight, there's some sort of football game thing". I was relieved. I wasn't up for company tonight.

Sam took a huge bite and swallowed "This tastes just like my mom made it". I smiled weakly at him "She did". Sam looked at me for a moment "I know you're already mad at me, but.. Please stay out of Forks Emily. You can't go there". I sighed, so much for making up tonight. "I had to" . He rolled his eyes "There's nothing in Forks that we don't have here". I made a face as he ate another bite, it smelled like… garbage. "I didn't want to go into any of the stores here" I said back in a dead voice. Sam pushed his empty plate back. I moved to get more and he waved me off. "Don't. You look like you need to go to bed. Not wait on me". I nodded my head, or bobbed it actually.

"I haven't been sleeping too well" I made an excuse as I got up from the table. "I'll wash your plate later, just put it in the sink". I headed back towards the second floor. "I can do it" he said sternly. "Just go.. Rest, I don't like how sickly you look". At least we were speaking even if it was about stupid stuff. I went in his room and took off my jeans and shirt, not bothering to put on pajamas as I collapsed into his bed.

Every ounce of me felt weighted down. I laid there until Sam came in, in his sweats and crawled in beside me. I scooted over to make room for him and kept my back turned away from him. I hoped he would take this as a sign that I wasn't mad at him. I felt his hand touch my side, "Em?" he asked softly. The heat from his body was making me feel worse. "Don't" I told him as he I moved further away. I heard him sigh "Fine, I wont look at you or touch you, just lay here and stare at you then". I didn't reply as I laid there, looking at the wall, listening to the tv. "Can at least talk to you?" he pressed. I pulled the blankets tighter around myself, "What do you want to say?". Sam's eyes were on me as he spoke "I didn't know you thought I was ignoring you the other day when I left. I was in a hurry was all. And I thought you understood that I'd have to leave you a lot, I cant help it".

"But you left me a week" I said as I rolled over to face him. "An entire week, and thought you could come back everything pick back up again". Sam looked like he was in agony, "I know I know, it was stupid. I'm sorry'. Finally he spoke the words I wanted to hear. "I'm sorry I really am, I love you, I don't like you being that mad at me. It hurts me, when I can sense that you're hurting or upset". I held out my arms and he immediately wrapped them around his neck as he slid closer.

I leaned into him, not sure how long I could take the heat, literally. Sam was just laying, relishing in the fact that I wasn't mad any more. He kissed my cheeks and then my forehead , I wrinkled my nose at the smell of the woods on him. I pushed him back and jumped over him, and took off into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. "Emily?" he said, knocking on the door, he turned the knob but I'd locked it. I sat there by the toilet, waiting for it. "I'm okay. Just uh stomach problems is all". I fanned myself with the back of my hand. Tonight wasn't a good night for him to know.

Sam gave up and went back to his room, I stayed shut up in there an hour before I came back out. He was asleep. I laid down, not too close to him though. Time to rest finally.