Chapter 24
Collins paced the limited space of his bedchambers in extreme agitation. His hand erratically pulled at his oily locks and his parched tongue rasped back and forth against his cracked lips.
The images he absorbed during the ball were bombarding his mind and he could not find an outlet for all his thoughts and reactions. He saw again his Elizabeth looking so alluring in her virginal ballgown; her grimace as he laid on the floor; her laughing at his humiliation; her smiling and dancing with man after man after man; and then that waltz with MR. DARCY! The unholy passion and the sinful fire that was so apparent between them made their dance as erotic and as explicit as if they were actually copulating on the ballroom floor.
He could not believe that no one else had seen what was so obvious to him. She was like a witch casting her spell under the cloak of womanly charms to blind the men around her of every good sense. It was only a matter of time before they too were reduced to writhing on the floor as their blood burned from the frustrations of unrequited lust and impotent rage.
For surely she was a Jezebel escaped from the bowels of hell, to lure the Prince of Pemberley down a false path away from his ordained future of uniting with the House of the great Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Collins knew that it was up to him to subdue the she-devil before Mr. Darcy fell even more under her clutches, for she had aimed her ambitions too high in him. That she would even dare to try and usurp Lady Anne's place as Mistress of Pemberley in the eyes of God and all good society was not to be borne. Only by physically subjugating her body and spirit would he be able to rob the shameless harlot of her powers of temptation. For her own good she must be mastered and bound to him and only through her continual repentance can she even begin to find the forgiveness of God.
An idea came to his crazed mind as he paced around the room. If she was another Delilah sent to lull Collins into a desire-filled stupor only to betray him at a time of weakness like she had tried to do during their first dance, it was imperative that he weaken her while she slept. He stopped and looked at his watch. It had not been above two hours since they had returned to Longbourn. Surely everyone was lost to the land of nod, including Elizabeth. She was not more than a dozen yards and a few doors down and he imagined her lying in her bed all warm and soft with the innocence of sleep. If he were to claim her virtue, if indeed she still possessed one, with her sister beside her as witness, no one would be able to deny him his right to officially wed his Elizabeth. That would not only get him what he so desperately needed but would save the others, including the blameless Mr. Darcy, from their paths of destruction. Surely, even his esteemed Patroness would not fault him for using any means within his power to claim his prize, when she learned that the wanton seductress had cast her sights on her own nephew.
He quietly opened the door and peered into the hallway. The corridor was too brightly lit for the early morning hours and he quickly spotted the servant seated at the end casually reading a book. Catching his eyes as the guard looked up, Collins hastily retreated his head and closed the door.
Hell and damnation! Was there no end to Bennet's interference to him realizing God's destiny and claiming his just rewards?!
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Due to the late evening, it was almost noon before the Bennet family gathered to break their fast. Mr. Bennet formally introduced his ladies to their new footman, Dale Evans. Elizabeth could see that Evans looked to be in his mid thirties and his speech and manners indicated that he was of lower circumstances than their first footman, but he had a kind, patient face and a respectful demeanor. She was just happy to hear that Daniels would stay on at Longbourn until the end of the week. Collins grimaced to realize that it was the same duration as his planned stay.
Soon after their meal, Mr. Bingley arrived with Mr. Darcy in tow. He and Mr. Bennet had scheduled a meeting to discuss the settlement papers but Mr. Darcy requested a quick word before their conference.
As Darcy and Mr. Bennet entered the library, the older man again thanked the younger for the forethought of the footmen and the temporary use of the two.
"I can only commend your diligent care in accepting my suggestion, Mr. Bennet, but I wonder if there is a specific threat to your family's safety that I should be aware of?" asked Darcy as he took a seat across from Bennet.
Mr. Bennet sighed before he answered, "I did not want to worry you with my household issues but I have been very uneasy with my cousin's intentions and mental stability. At his insistence, I had agreed to host him for ten days but it was not ten minutes into the visit that I wished to rescind the offer."
"How so?"
"He came to Longbourn with the notion that he could find a ready wife in one of my daughters. I suppose that is a fair assumption to possess as he is the sole heir to my estate but there was something sinister in his attitude that I did not like nor trust. Therefore, I plainly told him that they were not available to him and though he said all the right words to infer compliance to my wishes, I am afraid that he has not given up on his original plans. In fact, I believe he is quite fixated on Elizabeth."
Darcy shot straight up at his last words. "My God! Not the bloody parson too!" Then taking a few deep breaths, he began again. "Excuse me for my outburst, Mr. Bennet, but should we not get the reprobate out of your home as soon as possible?" Thinking out loud, he said, "he has the living at Hunsford, maybe I can get my Aunt to recall him early?"
Bennet did his best to school his features to not show amusement at Darcy's outburst. He did not miss the intensity of feelings between him and his daughter and knew it would not be long before something definitive happened. Until then he would let things lie and he concentrated on the issue before him. "That is an idea if we were sure she would cooperate. According to Mr. Collins, he is here to choose a wife under his Patroness' direction."
"Of all the controlling, interfering…" Darcy stopped and cleared his throat. "Forgive me, I am not being helpful."
"On the contrary, Mr. Darcy," Mr. Bennet interjected with a wry smile. "I believe just your very presence here has gone a long way in containing any ambitions Mr. Collins may have harbored in causing trouble, and of course, you have given me the use of your men to help safeguard my family."
"I would give you the rest of my men if it would help," stated Mr. Darcy forcefully.
"I think two will suffice, sir. After all, Longbourn is not that large and having one footman is pushing our limits." Thinking that the discussion was closed, Mr. Bennet asked, "now, about what did you want to discuss with me?"
With much chagrin, Darcy quickly and factually summarized the charges Wickham had relayed to Elizabeth about him. Darcy went on to unemotionally negate and justify what he could and finished with, "I know that I have presented more information than you ever wanted to know about me but I wanted you to have all the facts. I can only wish anyone in my sister's or my future children's lives do the same for me. I also wanted to obtain your permission to explain these points to your daughter. I know I will soon be leaving her life but I cannot do so knowing that she is out there thinking ill of me."
Mr. Bennet nodded his permission but cautioned him of her sheltered innocence and naiveté. "I know that I cannot always protect her from learning of the evils and horrors of the world but I have done my best to limit them."
"Understood sir. I will certainly do what I can to downplay those aspects." Darcy had already decided not to reveal how or why his Mother died. He knew how responsible he was for the tragedy and he didn't feel ready to delve into it in front of Elizabeth.
"Good," Bennet concluded, "then I will 'encourage' Lizzy to take a morning ride to Oakham Mount tomorrow morning. Will that suit?"
Darcy agreed then left to find Bingley so that they could discuss the business of the day.
When Darcy returned to the front parlor, he immediately noticed the addition of John and Charlotte Lucas. Charlotte was sitting next to Jane and Charles while Lucas sat close to Mrs. Bennet and Elizabeth. After informing Bingley that Mr. Bennet was ready to see him, Darcy had no choice but the take the seat abandoned by his friend as it was the only one available.
As he passively listened to Jane and Charlotte discuss the previous evening's ball, he heard Lucas loudly exclaim, "I must congratulate you again Mrs. Bennet on the fine match Miss Bennet made with Mr. Bingley. You must be very excited as my mother always said that one betrothal often begets another." With a confident smile he turned his gaze pointedly at Elizabeth. Darcy could do nothing while Mrs. Bennet's demeanor changed to one of understanding and consideration, while Elizabeth looked away. Again, he had a potent urge to beat the man senseless.
Charlotte noticed the dark looks the formidable gentlemen was throwing at her brother and tried to distract him. "Mr. Darcy, I hope you too enjoyed the previous night's festivities. May I say that never have I seen such excellent dancing as the waltz you performed with our Lizzy."
"Thank you, Miss Lucas. I believe your father may have said those very words to me." Darcy had spent almost the whole night reliving the ball in thoughts and dreams. The waltz especially was replayed in the wilds of his imagination in varying states of dress and settings and only reinforced the belief of how very good he and Elizabeth could be together if they engaged in a dance of a different nature. But these were thoughts that he couldn't share or even allow himself to admit so he forced his features to remain benignly pleasant. "And may I congratulate the both of you ladies on your skills of the pastime. I was impressed to see a great variety of dances called throughout the evening and you seemed to have mastered all of them."
The discussion continued in a cordial vein on the various parts of the evening. In the next seating group over, Elizabeth was intently listening to Mr. Darcy's deep sonorous voice while doing her best to ignore the more unwanted ones of her Mama and Lucas. She was glad that Mr. Darcy was not sitting next to her because she was too embarrassed to look him in the eye. Recalling the waltz, she could not believe how easily her mind and will had submitted to his expert control. If he had asked anything of her in that moment, she knew she would have happily complied without regard to propriety nor consequences and that thought frightened her. She took comfort in the fact that Mr. Darcy was too honorable and good to ask such things of her and she trusted him. Indeed, the waltz must be commonplace occurrence within the vaulted society he floated amongst, and to him she was just a mediocre partner at best. He could not sound so relaxed discussing the dance if he had been as affected as she was and Elizabeth resolved to act towards him in the same friendly manner as she did before the ball.
Throughout the visit, Darcy surreptitiously glanced in Mr. Collins' direction. The parson tried to make it look like he chose his remote, lonely corner to quietly study his sermon book, but Darcy caught him observing Elizabeth's trio often. As Darcy watched unobtrusively, Collins' expression changed from one of adoration, to agony, to a beatific piety, rage, then back again. Darcy grew alarmed at the variableness and inconstancy of his emotions. Mr. Bennet was right to be wary of him.
The young Lucases pushed their fifteen minute call to thirty while they waited for Bingley to return, before finally giving up and taking their leave. Thankfully, they requested that Mr. Collins return with them as their parents had invited him to take dinner at Lucas Lodge. Lady Lucas wanted to take advantage of the fact that the Bennet girls were clearly not interested in their cousin, a parson with both a good living and the future ownership of Longbourn, and therefore wanted to be the first to pursue him for her own daughters before the rest of the neighborhood got wind of it.
The visiting party had not long left when Mrs. Phillips came barreling into the room. "Oh Sister!" she cried, "how could you have kept such vital information from me? If I had known about the girls' wealth, I could've had them all wed ages ago."
"Connie, I'm sure I know not of what you are speaking. The girls have no wealth except for their fair share of my five thousand at my passing. Not that they will need it. Look how well my Jane has done," Mrs. Bennet finished proudly.
"But Sister, Mr. Bennet has grown your five to over forty and he means to dower your daughters with seventy five hundred pounds each! Did you not know?"
Her explanation was met with perfect silence as all the female Bennets looked at her in shock and surprise.
Mr. Darcy felt distinctly uncomfortable to be present during a family's discussion of money. He loudly cleared his throat before stating, "I believe this is a conversation that is best to have between yourselves. I will just wait for Mr. Bingley out in the gardens. I needed a word with Daniels and Evans anyways. Excuse me ladies." With a bow, he departed the room and was only a few steps down the hall when Mrs. Bennet's shrill voice was heard throughout the house calling for Mrs. Hill and her salts.
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Elizabeth scaled the grassy summit of Oakham Mount on Nellie and nodded at Sanders who was standing by the tethered horses. Darcy was waiting nervously by the large rock but hurried towards her when she made her appearance. She looked stunning in the morning light with her smart riding bonnet and his sister's old outfit. Though he knew that she could easily dismount on her own, he wanted another chance to feel her body in his arms so he gently lifted her off the saddle and allowed her to slowly slide down against his body. Boldly, he even went for a hug as a greeting. As they separated, Darcy acknowledged Daniels, who had followed Elizabeth out this morning. The two guards removed themselves a little ways down the path so that their charges could enjoy their conference in privacy.
Darcy led Elizabeth back to the other side of the hilltop and gave her a heartfelt smile as he whispered, "good morning, Miss Bennet, I trust you slept well?"
She smiled back a little timorously as she fiercely tried to calm her body. When her father informed her of this meeting the night before and his pre-approval of it, she had to excuse herself to her room to hide the deep flush that spread throughout her body and she didn't want the same thing to happen in response to his unexpected greeting and she was determined to maintain her resolve.
"Thank you Mr. Darcy, I woke up refreshed and energized so I must have slept well."
"Good. And I wanted to tell you that I am happy for you concerning your dowry. I hope it will serve to give you more choices in life. My respect for your Father grows higher the more I get to know him."
"Thank you. I know Papa admires and respects you a great deal also. If nothing else, I hope that the revelation of our larger wealth will prevent Mama from throwing her remaining daughters at just any qualified men that looks our way. I made a promise to myself to marry only for the deepest love and respect so I hope my moderate dowry makes little difference to my future husband, but if I were to never find such a man, the portion reserved for me will go a long way in seeing to my basic needs."
"I know that Caroline Bingley once made a reference to you never marrying but I confess that I find it very unlikely. You have no shortage of suitors and admirers. If friendship is a requirement for marriage than you have many from whence to choose."
"I do have many good friends Mr. Darcy, but I fear that they don't really know me. They are fun to pass the time and tease with but they have never asked my opinion on what is important to me; what I may want out of life; what I enjoy besides the childhood games and activities we used to play at together. In fact, I think they have all given up their juvenile amusements, whereas I still partake in them, albeit a little more covertly." Not having come prepared to speak much of herself, she changed the subject. "Speaking of childhood friendships, can you tell me of yours with Mr. Wickham or is that another fabrication of his?"
Darcy sighed. He didn't want to talk about his past and certainly not of Wickham but he knew that it was the main reason for this meeting.
"Before we begin, Miss Bennet. I just want to say that I will always endeavor to be truthful with you but there are some things that are too ugly to say out loud and some that you may regret hearing. Also, I don't want you to leave this conversation pitying me so know that whatever happened to me, I have dealt with it to the best of my ability and whatever I did, I take full ownership of my actions."
"Yes, Mr. Darcy, I can agree to that," she said just as seriously. "I also want to say that I appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions truthfully. You are certainly not obligated to explain or justify anything to me but your willingness to do so signifies how much you respect and value our friendship and I thank you for that." Then with sparkles in her eyes, she stated, "oh, but I do have another question before we start."
"Another? Fire away, Miss Bennet."
"What is your given name?"
Darcy smirked. "What is it with you and names?" Then shaking his head, he answered, "it is Fitzwilliam. I was named for my Mother's family. Georgiana calls me William and my middle name is Andrew."
"Thank you Fitzwilliam," she said softly.
The two smiled smugly at each other as if they had just won a prize before Darcy took a deep breath and began, "Wickham was the only child of our most beloved and faithful steward. He and his wife had him late in life and in gratitude for his loyal service, my Father agreed to become his godfather and vowed to watch over him. It seemed that Wickham was always in the playroom with me and in those early years, we were good friends. Then when I was just ten, his father passed away and it was not long before he got it in his head that being a year my senior, he should be the rightful heir to Pemberly. My Father certainly spoiled and doted on him enough to believe that he was the favorite. My parents didn't have the same expectations for him that they had of me and while I was made to study or help with the land, he had the run of the estate as his personal playground.
Then when I was thirteen, there was an 'incident' where my Mother passed and I was left with burns throughout my back and neck. It took months for me to heal and in that time, my Father had turned into a colder, hardened version of himself and Wickham was firmly established in his good graces. If it wasn't for my sister and our housekeeper and the regular visits from my Mother's family, my life would've been a living hell. Wickham seemed to have made it his life's mission to torture and torment me, especially after my Father remarried a couple of years later. Things got worse after my stepmother came into our lives. She had no love for me. She and Wickham conspired to turn my Father further against me, while they continued to harass and intimidate. Wickham even inveigled his way to University with me and used the Darcy name to cheat, steal, and bully decent enough grades to graduate.
Unfortunately, my own Father passed a couple of years after graduation. I inherited the estate as his heir, Wickham got a living on the condition that he take orders, and my Stepmother received back the property with which she came into the marriage. Wickham opted to take the cash value of the living in lieu of the living itself, which he promptly wasted and so too my Stepmother overspent her income while trading on the family name and status. Both are constantly looking for ways to get more funds from me and barring that, have continued their habit of persecuting me.
As to Wickham's charges, I have always strived to conduct my business practices in a fair and equable manner. I don't suffer fools nor swindlers kindly. I admit to feeling more comfortable when accompanied by my footmen or secretary but I hope they are as discrete with other people's lives as they are of my own.
As to my supposed engagement to my cousin Anne, I have never been by honor nor by affection bound to her nor do I planned to be. It has been a long wish of my Aunt Catherine's but neither Anne nor I feel for each other what a couple should. In fact, I have given myself until thirty years of age before I even start looking for my wife."
Darcy stopped to gather his thoughts. He knew that the next part of his narrative would require more delicacy. Elizabeth had more questions to ask about his childhood, especially the circumstances surrounding his Mother's death and his injury but seeing him clearly uncomfortable and hurrying through his story, she kept her silence on the matter.
Instead, she gently prodded, "and your mistresses?"
"This is where I will try to not burden you with things you should not know but I will try my best to explain." At her nod, he began, "as a youth, I had the same healthy urges that any adolescent male does growing up but because of my scars and the incident that produced them, I did not and do not like to be touched or even stared at those areas. It was not until University that I learned of places that specialized in arranging ways that I may participate in those acts of congress without risk of my partner encroaching on my discomfort areas.
Later, I preferred entering into short-term exclusive contracts with women trained to my specific predilections. For me, it was strictly a means of indulging in my physical appetites that required no emotional outlay or obligations. I wish I could claim that I was above those baser urges but I found that I didn't want to deny the only outlet in which I could temporarily escape from my duties and responsibilities to solely focus on my selfish needs. I am not proud of it but I will own it."
"And what happened to the women when the contracts ended?"
"During our time together I provided them with an education in those areas that they may have been deficit in, such as reading or finances, and afterwards, I set them up with a pension or lump sum payout with which to start a new life. I realized early that most did not choose their professions and I liked providing them with a way out."
"That is very admirable of you. You may have used those women for your needs but I can see that you have also taken care of them and have benefited their lives." Then without thought, she blurted out "I'm sure they were all very beautiful and more knowledgeable about things of the more physical nature than I. I wonder if you could ever see me in that way?"
Darcy closed his eyes as a multitude of his past fantasies flooded his senses. After a minute he looked up with an expression of disbelief and guilt. "You have no idea how much I desire in that way. Please believe me when I say that you are everything beautiful and enticing. I cannot claim to never having envisioned very pleasurable scenarios with you but I have come to admire and respect you too much to contemplate acting on them.
Elizabeth looked up in surprise. She could feel her body responding to his complimentary words as it did during their waltz. "You have been forthcoming and honest with me and I want to do the same. I too have to confess that I feel an attraction to you so strong that my body literally reacts to your voice and touch in ways I have never before experienced. I neither understand them nor know what to do with them but I have come to treasure them."
Her admission along with the amorous pleading of her gaze was too much for Darcy. With a strangled, "Elizabeth!" he desperately closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her, crushing his lips to hers. At his insistent demand, her lips parted and he took advantage of the opening to force his tongue within to explore the silky fleshiness of her mouth and the sweetness of her tongue. Her low moan was matched by the deep guttural sounds from his throat as they reveled in the sensation.
Eventually Darcy pulled back to breathe and gazed at her upturned face. Her eyes remained closed while her cheeks were pinked and her red swollen lips stayed parted as she panted for air. He became aware that his one hand had gathered her two behind her even as he pressed her lower body against his, while his other was cradling the back of her head with his fingers embedded within her curls and braids.
"Is that a kiss?" she asked in wonderment.
"My god, have you never even been kissed? All those boys hanging around you and you never indulged in a single kiss?" A part of him was proud and grateful to have been her first but a greater part was shamed. He dropped his arms and stepped back. "This is why I must go away. You are too good and pure for me. You deserved to have your first kiss be as sweet and delicate as you are, not forced upon you by a brute."
"You are leaving?" she asked as that knowledge crashed through her passion-filled haze.
"I have obligations in Towne and had planned on leaving Saturday but I can see that it wasn't soon enough. I must apologize Miss Elizabeth for taking advantage of your trust and imposing myself on you. You are much better off without me for I am no good for you."
"No!" she said panicked. "No, you are my friend and you are helping me to discover feelings in myself and of myself that I have never known. Must you go away? Please, Mr. Darcy – Fitzwilliam, you have done nothing that I didn't want." Elizabeth felt her eyes well up with tears as he gravely shook his head. Not wanting him to see her weakness, she ran for her horse and climbing up, urged the mare to descend the steep narrow path as quickly as possible.
Darcy called after her and ran to catch her. When he reached the trailhead, he saw that the footmen had blocked her path and were trying to sooth both the horse and rider. Seeing her distressed state, Darcy ordered them to let her pass but urged Daniels to get his horse to follow. As Daniels left to comply and Elizabeth disappeared down the path, Darcy berated himself once more on his loss of control and strived to calm his ardor. He had tasted forbidden fruit and he knew not how to erase those sensations from his memory.
When Elizabeth realized that Darcy wasn't pursuing her, she slowed her horse and gave her the lead as she angrily tried to wipe the tears falling inexplicably down her face. She knew that Daniels would soon catch up to her. Suddenly, she felt the reins being torn from her grasp and her body being dragged off her mount.
Looking up, she stared at the vengeful face of Mr. Collins.
A/N: "dah, dah, daaaaaahm" (cue dramatic score) So sorry to leave you with a cliff hanger! Like a reviewer pointed out in the last chapter, it was too ambitious to try and fit both the talk and the Collins' showdown in one chapter so I didn't (this is my longest chapter yet). I hope you could tell how erratic and certifiable Collins had become. I will try and upload the next asap. In the meantime, please tell me what you thought of the "talk". Our boy D still has a ways to go until he feels comfortable enough to reveal all his deep dark past. LR