a/n: The Doctor and Rose have completed there task singing to the holy pig. The villagers honored them with a Hindu wedding ceremony and partied the night away. They are now wrapping up their trip and heading back home to check on the TCB (Temporal Creature Below) and the Tardis nursery.
Disclaimer: Nope still don't own any Who
Home is No Honeymoon
"Rose! Hand me that piece by your foot that looks like a hockey puck," the Doctor asked her, hanging upside down from a beam in the engine room of the Plumianto ship while he worked on repairs.
"You mean this?" Rose replied, handing him a small silver disc like object.
"Are you sure he knows what he's doing?" asked Ponk.
"Of course I know! This, all this, is child's play compared to a Tardis," the Doctor told him, waving his hands about the engine room.
"Right. The ship you don't have any more because it's in another universe," Ponk responded sarcastically, leaning against the bulkhead.
"Stop it already. Both of you are drivin' me spare! Now then, Doctor, you have a list of what you need?" Rose asked.
"Yep!" The Doctor did a somersault and dropped down to the floor and showed Rose his hand which had markings on it in Gallifreyan. Rose looked up and glared at him. "I can't exactly read this."
"Oh, right well come along outside and I suppose I'll write it out for you on something." He took Rose's hand and they walked out of the ship followed by Ponk.
"Are you sure about this. How do we know we can trust these friends of yours?" Ponk asked, suspiciously.
"Don't worry, Ponk old friend. Rose's father happens to be the head of Torchwood London."
"Is that suppose to make me feel better?" Ponk replied.
"Oh, did I mention he's also the person who developed and owns Vitex?" the Doctor said, with a knowing smile.
All the Plumianto stopped what they were doing and stared at Rose. "What?" she asked. Ponk grinned. "I knew I liked you! Why did I let the skinny mechanic marry you again?"
Rose grinned with a twinkle in her eyes but before she could say anything, the Doctor interrupted. "All right that's enough. I won her fair and square," he told them, wrapping his arms around Rose.
She rolled her eyes. "Ponk, it'll be all right. There shouldn't be any problems as long as I can tell Pete that you're not here to invade or harm anyone and that you just want to go home. Besides, it might just tickle him that you fancy Vitex," she told him, with a smile. She looked up at the Doctor. "And as for himself here, I think last night's ceremony sorted us," she told him, and kissed the Doctor lightly.
The Doctor sat down, put on his brainy specs and began writing a list for Rose. "You know, Ponk, you never did tell us why you were near Earth."
"We didn't intend on landing here. We were just doing some reconnaissance in this system. There's a war and it's now spread across several galaxies. It won't be long before it spreads to this system."
Rose and the Doctor looked at each other. "What war? Whose involved?" the Doctor asked.
The Rapacious Conglomeration seeks to control everything. They started attacking some of the smaller independent worlds and systems and no one did anything to stop them. The more worlds they assimilated, the more powerful they became. They infiltrate a world and take control of the political and economic authorities. Next they arrive and offer economic incentives to join them and when that doesn't work, it's a show of power. Most of the smaller less advanced worlds succumb and if they fight, the Rapacious Conglomeration shows no mercy. They assassinate anyone who opposes them and take pleasure in making examples of any rebels who stand against them.
My people saw the spread of them and began forming alliances with any world that would listen to us. We will not be ruled by a league of criminals and morally corrupt creatures. They rape the worlds they conquer. They sell off the resources without any concern for the indigenous species. They mean to dominate the universe."
"How soon will they arrive here do you think?" Rose asked.
"They won't if I have anything to say about it," Ponk replied, firmly.
The Doctor stood up and put his arm around Rose. "Ponk, I'm going to give you a way to contact Rose and I. If things go badly and this Rapacious Conglomeration is coming, we need to know. We won't stand by while our world is being invaded."
Ponk nodded and the Doctor put his hand out and shook with Ponk. "We are agreed, Doctor. When we crashed here, the villagers accepted us and offered assistance. We have seen the best and worst of this world and we think it's worth saving. These people aren't ready for what's out there."
Rose called Pete and asked him to deliver the parts they needed to repair the Plumianto ship. "Rose, are you sure about these Plumianto?"
"Yeah, I'm sure. Pete, we have to help them. This war their talkin' about is serious. If we help them, it'll help establish diplomatic relations. If it comes here, we're gonna need help."
"Agreed. Rose, I'll have to bring Minister Tibbs in on this. It would be best if you get back to London as soon as possible. I want you in on this meeting."
"Right. As soon as we get the parts, we'll get them out of here and head back. Oh, and Pete, one more thing. Do you think you could include a case of carbonated lemon-lime Vitex in that shipment?"
"A case of Vitex," he said slowly.
"Yeah, they really like it. It's sort of like a shot of vodka for them. You can send some right?"
After several moments of silence, Rose heard Pete chuckle. "Consider it done."
"Thanks, Pete. Consider it a down payment for the future. Who knows, could be the first trade contract with aliens," Rose teased. It only took two hours for the crate with the equipment they needed to be dropped by airplane into the jungle. It took the Doctor and the Plumianto another half a day to complete the repairs. When they were done, the Doctor and Rose were preparing to leave.
"Will you be okay, Ponk?" Rose asked.
He smiled and picked up her hand and kissed it. "We are the Premier Plumianto Platoon. We will prevail. Thank you, Rose." he turned to the Doctor. "Doctor, we're worried about the villagers. They will have no protection once we leave."
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about them. The legend of their protectors will live on for several generations I think," the Doctor told him. "Don't forget, Ponk. If trouble is headed this way, let Rose and I know," the Doctor reminded him.
"Somehow, Doctor, I think trouble is always headed toward you," Ponk told him, and winked at Rose as he boarded his ship.
The Doctor and Rose returned to the village and met Vishal and Balraj who had the elephants ready to return to Mumbai. Abhi and his daughter, met them and give them their wedding clothes as a gift.
"Oh, but we can't accept this. It's too much. Just bein' here and meetin' all of you was gift enough," Rose told them.
"No, Song Bird, you honored us and we take pleasure in giving this small gift to you. Be well Song Bird, Doctor," Abhi told them, and bowed slightly.
The Doctor and Rose turned to Vishal and Balraj. "Well, as lovely as it would be to go tramping back through the jungle with you Balraj, Rose and I are catching another lift. Vishal, could we talk to you a moment in private."
Rose handed Vishal an envelope of money from out of her back pack. "This is for you with a little extra. You know Vishal, if you want, you could come back to London with us and go to school."
Vishal looked at the envelope and then at her and smiled. "My home is here but thank you, Rose. Maybe someday I can visit you, and we can go on another adventure," he told her.
"You know Vishal, if you were to, I don't know, stay with Abhaya, we could stay in touch. Might be that we could use a contact in Mumbai to keep us up to date on anything out of the ordinary happening. Don't suppose you might be interested in that?" the Doctor asked him."
"How much you gonna pay me?" he asked grinning.
"Pay you! Isn't the adventure reward enough?" the Doctor responded.
"Adventure doesn't feed me, Doctor. How about 750 a month," Vishal suggested.
"750! That's piracy. 500 and not a rupee more."
Vishal nodded and shook the Doctor's hand. Rose hugged him and they both watched as Vishal and Balraj left. "Will he be all right?" Rose worried.
"Oh, he's a survivor and clever. He'll be just fine. Abhaya will keep honest. So you ready to get out of this jungle and back into clothes that are slightly less jungley smelling?"
She grinned and took his hand. He activated the transport and they arrived in the garden at Dutton Manor. They were just about to walk in the house when Perry called out to them.
"Doctor, Rose! You must come to the nursery immediately," he told them, excitedly. "A most momentous development has occurred. Come you must see!" Rose and the Doctor followed him into the nursery and back to the area of the growing coral. They stood in awe at what was before them. All the coral had doubled in size.
"Beautiful!" the Doctor murmured with awe. He turned to Perry. "When did this happen? We haven't been gone that long."
"I recorded an increase in growth shortly after you left. The growth rate continued and only just this morning seemed to stabilize," Perry told him, with a pleased smile.
The Doctor pulled out his sonic and scanned each piece giving them words of encouragement as he walked around them. Rose made her way to the largest coral in the center, laid her check against it, closed her eyes and smiled. The Doctor walked up next to her and did the same. Rose gasped and opened her eyes and looked at the Doctor who had such a peaceful grin on his face. He pulled away slightly and looked at her.
"Did you hear it?" he asked her.
"I wasn't sure, was it singin' to us?"
He grinned in delight. "Yep! She sure is singing to us." He turned to the coral and began caressing it. "Oh you beauty you! Yes you are a gorgeous young Tardis aren't you." Rose giggled as he continue to coo and pet the coral as he walked around it.
"So she's about as tall as the original Tardis now. What happens next?"
"Oh, she has a bit more growing to do but we're definitely preparing for the next phase. She's been learning as she grows but now, she needs to sort of get her A levels and move on to university. You see, she has a natural understanding of time and temporal physics but there's a lot more she needs to know before we can install a console and make her dimensional transcendental. The old girl below will help and mentor her but we still need to get her up to speed on this universe and how it works. Remember when we crashed here the first time? My Tardis couldn't establish a time vortex. She wasn't from this universe and didn't have any connection to the way time runs here. Our little lady before us, has the advantage of being grown here and has been reaching out to this universe but she still needs a bit more help."
"So, you going to tutor her then?" Rose asked, a bit amused.
"As a matter of fact, I am. Really, I'm doing it right now. When we touched her just now and she sang to us, we connected with her."
"What, she's in our minds?" Rose asked nervously, looking at the coral.
"Of course. You're not still nervous about that are you? It's not like you haven't already had my first Tardis and the TCB in your head."
"I know. It's just still weird to think about is all. I don't want to mess her up cause I had a stray thought or you know, thought about you in that turban," she told, him tugging at his tie and giving him a saucy grin.
"Rose Tyler, are you trying to corrupt our young Tardis with impure thoughts," he teased.
Her face crinkled up and she dropped his tie. "No! Doctor, that's just not right," she told him looking at the Tardis coral wondering what she must think of a randy human. The Doctor laughed.
"I wouldn't worry about that. It's not the same for a Tardis. A, they don't reproduce like non silicate life forms and 2 she's more focused on connecting with the flow of time and reading timelines. Now then, this suit is done for." he told her tugging at a worn sleeve. "Let's get inside, get changed and grab a bite to eat." Rose agreed and they went inside to wash the jungle off and make plans for the next phase of Tardis growth.
Two days later, Rose and the Doctor were pulling their car into Torchwood London. "Rose, explain to me again why we have to go to Torchwood when we are at such an important stage of the coral's development," the Doctor complained.
"Cause, Pete needs us here when he explains the intergalactic war threat to Minister Tibbs," Rose told him. As they walked into reception and smiled hello at security, Rose told the Doctor he didn't need to attend the meeting.
"You sayin' you don't want me there," he said pouting.
"No. You can come, but you'll probably be bored. This is going to be all about makin' governmental protocols to deal with alien invasions and making treaties and alliances. Besides, I know you want to go check out any new alien tech they found since the last time we were here."
"Well, if you put it that way…."
Rose laughed. "Go on. Go play with the new toys. Just try not blow anything up or turn the artifact room to ice or anything. She leaned over and kissed him as the elevator reached the top floor and left for her meeting. The Doctor practically rubbed his hands together in glee as he hit the button for the basement.
On his way to artifacts, he ran into Jake. "Jake, how are things?"
"Could be better. We're still having problems with those saber-toothed rats. I know you said we may never get rid of them but there must be something we can do."
"Oh yes, the Satous. Well, I might have an idea. How bad is it?"
"There was a parade and they swarmed out of the sewers and attacked a horse. Oh and then there was the clown incident and that was just weird."
"Clown incident? Well, I've had a few bad experiences with clowns myself. Don't know what it is. They always seem bent on eating people, taking over the world or just being annoying. You'd think, something with painted on grin would be happy wouldn't you? Anyway, when Rose finishes with Pete and the politicians, we'll lend a hand. I might have an idea."
"Give me a ring when you and Rose are ready." Jake told him, before heading back to his office.
The Doctor spent most of the day in the artifact room identifying a few newly found artifacts and slipping a few things into his pockets when no one was looking. He was in the middle of a vivid exposition on an alien mp3 player when Rose walked in and glared at him.
"Rose, I was just telling Terrence and Harold here about this holographic music recording device. All finished up with Pete then?"
"Did you tell Jake we would hike through the sewers huntin' for saber-toothed rats?" Rose asked, crossing her arms.
"Uh, maybe," he answered, twirling his sonic screwdriver.
"We're spose to be havin' dinner with Mum and Pete tonight."
"Yeah well, you see this saber tooth rat thing, it's out of hand and Jake needs our help. They attacked this parade and…. oh, the clown thing, very bad, very bad indeed."
Rose rolled her eyes. "Fine, we go with Jake and solve the rat thing and then tomorrow, we spend the day with Mum."
"The entire day!" he whined.
She stared at him. "Right, yes. Been a while since we spent time with your lovely mother. Seems like ages since she assaulted me," he told her, nervously running his hand over his cheek.
"Good, Jake's waitin' on us. You got everything you need?" Rose asked him.
"Yep. Ready to stroll through the sewers and stalk some saber-toothed rats," he told her, enthusiastically. They left the artifact room and met Jake in the garage. He drove to a sewer entrance where they believed the main nest was, arriving just as the sun was starting to set. They suited up and Jake lifted the cover off the manhole.
"You two ready?"
"Yeah, let's get this over with," Rose told him, as she put her hair up in a pony tail, buckled the Teflon protective jacket and pulled on her wellies.
"Doctor, you sure you're okay with just your suit and no protective gear?"
"I've got everything I need, Jakey," he told him, with a cheeky grin and tossing his sonic up and catching it behind him.
"Right, let's move out."
Jake went down first, followed by Rose and then the Doctor. The other Torchwood team was on an opposite end with several large crates. Jake hopped down into the sewer water, turned on his headlamp as well as a large torch and scouted the area. "Looks good!" he shouted up to Rose. Rose hopped down next, turning on her headlamp and grimacing. The Doctor followed making a splash as he landed. Rose looked down at his trainers and then up his suit.
"That suit and those trainers are so being trashed when we're done down here. We'll never get the smell and whatever out."
"Thrown out! No! I like this suit and I'm not losin' another pair of trainers," he told her, outraged at the thought.
"Oi! You two, enough with the domestics. Let's hunt some alien rats, okay," Jake told them.
They splashed and slogged their way through the dark, filthy, stench filled sewers. The Doctor muttered about human waste management while Rose made faces at the vile odor. Periodically, they would hear some scratching and hissing noises but so far, they only found common London rats. Suddenly, they heard a piercing screeching noise and ran toward it. Jake slid to a stop as before them were at least a hundred of the three foot long saber-toothed rats which appeared to have several animals half eaten or dying.
"Blimey, that's a lot of carnivorous alien rats!" Rose exclaimed, taking a step back
"Bloody Hell! They've been to the zoo!" Jake exclaimed.
"Are those lemurs? I like lemurs," the Doctor said incensed.
"Um, they're lookin' at his like we're next on the menu," Rose said, nervously taking out her stun gun.
"They ate the monkeys!" Jake shouted in outrage.
"Penguins!" the Doctor shouted. "Oh that is it! You snacked on the wrong species this time!" the Doctor raged at them, pulling out his sonic and a recorder. He activated the sonic and started to play the recorder. The encroaching rats hesitated. The hissing and growling quieted. The longer he played, the more they seemed to calm and quietly watch him.
He slowly took a step forward and they parted before him. He walked through the bloodied animal corpses and slowly made his way down the sewer. Soon the saber-toothed rats were following him. Jake looked at Rose with a look of disbelief. Rose shrugged her shoulders and followed the hoard of mesmerized rats. As they walked slowly behind the rats, grimacing at the dead and rotting corpses, they heard scuffling and hissing sounds behind them. Rose looked slowly over her shoulder and gasped. Hundreds more alien rats were rampaging down the tunnel toward them. Jake grabbed Rose and tugged her up a service ladder. They watched in horrified awe as the rats ran toward the Doctor.
"Jake, should we do something?" Rose whispered to him worried about the Doctor.
Jake pulled out his phone and called Torchwood team ahead to warn them and then called the Torchwood command center to request back up and more storage containers. He turned to Rose. "You want to run in the middle of hundreds of carnivorous alien rats and ask him?"
Rose turned and looked worriedly down the tunnel and could still hear the Doctor playing. She looked back up to Jake. "I'm not leavin' him. You can stay here but I'm following' those things. I want him back in one piece." Rose hopped down and carefully made her way through the tunnel. Jake muttered under his breath about saber-toothed rats and sonic nutters before following Rose. When he reached her, she just stood staring straight ahead seemingly mindless of the giant saber-toothed rats squirming around her. Jake looked up and swore softly. The Doctor had reached the end of the tunnel where the team and had set up some massive sized cages to capture the rats. He had climbed on top of containers and was continuing to play the recorder as if he was giving a concert to the rats. The rats were climbing all over themselves to get close. Several of the Torchwood agents were gently sweeping them into the containers, sealing them and hauling them away.
Rose turned to Jake. "He's the bloomin' pied piper of saber-toothed rats," she told him grinning. Jake shook his head. "Only the Doctor would come up with something this loony," he told her. By the time the last of the alien rats were swept in and locked up, the Doctor was ready to collapse from playing.
"Blimey, I miss my respiratory bypass!" he told them, panting a bit.
"Nice job, Doctor," Jake told him, slapping him on the back. Rose, of course, hugged him. They climbed out of the sewer to find two large trucks filled with the now aggravated and growling saber-toothed rats. The Doctor turned to Jake. "What's next for our carnivorous friends?" he asked.
"Well, some will be placed in the Torchwood reserve beneath the zoo. Honestly, Doctor, we don't have room for all of them so…" Jake just sort of trailed off.
"You're gonna destroy them," the Doctor said, unhappy with this turn in event.
"Well, you got a better idea? We just can't let'em loose in the woods. They'd eat everything and hurt someone," Jake told him, a bit defensively.
"Look, why don't we put them in storage while we sort this out. We can knock him out with that sleep gas Torchwood developed until we figure it out," Rose suggested.
Two of the Torchwood agents who had just transferred from another branch heard this and stormed over. "Now see here sweetheart, you and your tree hugger boyfriend go worry about savin' the whales. These things shouldn't be here and have been eatin' their way through the zoo not to mention what they do to people. I'm not gonna stand here listenin' to you two worryin' about some alien rats, specially after some of our agents were injured by these monsters. So why don't you take your cute little arse somewhere else." He emphasized his point by shoving her aside by putting his hands where he shouldn't.
The next thing that happened would be fodder for Torchwood gossip for years to come. The Doctor, whose temper was slowly rising during the agent's tirade, culminated in the most formidable display of the oncoming storm Rose had ever witnessed.
"Take your hand off my wife's arse you ignorant, prejudiced ape," the Doctor said in a quiet, tight, enraged voice, his eyes as black as onyx. He took a step toward the agent towering over him, his body language depicting a leashed violence about to erupt. The whole area crackled with some unidentifiable but disturbing energy that immediately put everyone on edge.
"Easy now. Let's everyone calm down. You, Phillips, you're relieved. Get back to Torchwood now! I'll deal with you when I get back!" Jake shouted at him.
Rose meanwhile had gone over to the Doctor. "Doctor. Please look at me. It's all right. Jake'll set him straight. Please," she said softly to him, running her hand up and down his arm worriedly. Finally, he took a deep breath and looked at her. "I'm sorry," he told her softly and pulled her in his arms. "I can't stand people like that and then he… Well, he shouldn't have touched you. No one touches you unless you want them to," he told her, his voice now muffled in her neck.
Jake tentatively walked over to the Doctor and Rose. The Doctor was starting to calm down thanks to Rose. He looked up at Jake who was starting to smile a bit. "Sorry about those two. They were way out of line. If they disagreed, they should have handled it with me. Pete's gonna hear about this and not gonna be happy."
"Please don't make this about what he did to me, Jake. You know I don't want anyone to say he got punished or sacked because of something he said or did to Pete's daughter."
"Rose, doesn't matter if it was you or me. What he did was wrong and against Torchwood policy. He'll be up for review on this one and he did it in front of two teams. Don't worry yourself about it. I'll handle it. Now, about what was discussed."
The Doctor sighed. "I'm sorry for making a stink about this Jake. I just don't like the thought of being responsible for leading any living thing to its death. I wish there was a way we could ship them off world."
Jake smiled. "Oh the rats. Well, I'll talk to the astrobiologists Torchwood and see if they have any ideas. I was talkin' about the other thing."
"What other thing?" Rose asked.
"Seems to me, the Doctor here, just called you his wife," Jake said with a huge grin.
Rose froze for a moment and looked up at the Doctor. He stared at her with wide eyes. "Uh, I did?" he said innocently.
"Yeah, you did," Jake acknowledged nodding his head. "Didn't he team," Jake shouted over his shoulder. Several voices shouted back "Yes!" "He sure did!" "Heard it clearly back here!"
Rose and the Doctor looked at each other in horror. "Well Jake, it's not exactly like it sounds. It's a bit complicated," Rose tried to explain, worriedly playing with her torch.
"Oh, come on Rose. No getting out of this one. You two snuck off and got hitched didn't ya?" Jake teased.
"Well, not exactly and when I say not exactly, I might mean accidentally and not intentionally," the Doctor told him, fidgeting. Several people laughed and snickered in the background.
"Jake, you can't tell anyone, specially Pete or Mum." Rose looked up at the team members who were loading up and preparing to leave. "Really you lot. You can't say anything." Several people smiled, saluted and left to transport the alien rats back to Torchwood. Jake just grinned. "You know Torchwood, Rose." He patted her on the shoulder, winked and left to get the SUV for the long, uncomfortable trip back to Torchwood.
The Doctor looked at Rose. "Uh, Rose, maybe it's time we took a trip to South America for a while."
Rose looked up a him. "We are in so much trouble."
a/n: So what do you think Jackie's going to say?