Chapter 25 – Undisclosed Desires

"What are we going to do now?"

"We could do it again," JJ proposed, smiling lovingly at the girl she had just kissed.

"We could get caught," Emily objected. "Besides, Ms. Henley must be wondering where we are. We better get back..."

Jennifer reached for her arm to prevent her from leaving. "Wait," she said, a range of emotions flickering over her face.

The dark-haired girl turned around, the spot where JJ was holding her arm felt like it had just been ignited. "What?"

"Come to my place after school. Please?"

Emily looked at her and languidly shook her head. "I don't know JJ..."

"I'm not trying to seduce you here," Jennifer assured earnestly, causing Emily to chuckle involuntarily. "But I think we need to talk."

"I'll need to ask Henry," the brunette replied evasively. "Now let's get back already, I don't want to get into trouble."

Later, Jennifer's bedroom

"Just lay here beside me, please. We can talk some other time."

"JJ."

"Please."

Who could resist her when she looked like that? Emily sighed and lay down on the bed, making sure to keep a safe distance between them. Her head needed to stay clear, for now. Later, she wouldn't be able to tell how much time they had just laid there being completely quiet, listening to the raindrops patting against the window. Jennifer's parents were out having dinner, it was their romantic evening of the month, and Emily felt somewhat uncomfortable they didn't know she was there. The rain was making her drowsy, and just as her eyes were starting to shut, she felt JJ's hand brushing over her hair, making her sit up with a start.

"JJ, what are you doing?" she asked, alarmed. The blonde stopped, and contemplated her for a while. When JJ moved closer to whisper something in her ear, she held her breath and just stared at the younger girl in amazement. This had to be a dream...

Emily swallowed hard when JJ pressed her lips against hers for the second time that day, instantly separating them to allow JJ entrance. The kiss escalated quickly, the lust that had been building up for months in both of them was released, and they fervently pressed their bodies against each other, until the need of oxygen made them part.

"Are you sure you want this?" Emily asked gasping for air, her pupils dilating as JJ started to undress in substitute of a response.

"I've never been so sure about anything, Em," she whispered, pulled her sweatshirt over her head and lay down on the bed again.

Emily's hands trembled as she removed Jennifer's shirt and hot pants and began tracing soft lines with her fingers on her bare skin. She started in the valley between the blonde's breasts and slowly continued further down, circling her friend's belly button several times and skipping the triangle between her legs, thus moving her fingers to JJ's inner thighs. JJ was shivering under her caresses; Emily was the first person she had allowed to touch her like that, to strip her almost naked. The brunette got on top of her and began following the invisible route her fingers had previously drawn, this time with her lips, leaving delicate kisses and a trail of hot air on JJ's quivering skin. She sat astride on Jennifer's legs, pinning her down on the bed and leaned forward to meet JJ's mouth in a tender kiss. The blonde's lips parted slightly as Emily began nibbling her bottom lip and her earlobe, alternating between the pulpy skin of the latter and the exquisite, delicate one of the first. Jennifer's head tilted back and she shut her eyes, surrendering completely to Emily's touch.

To Emily, it all felt unreal, like a pleasant dream, but a dream nonetheless. She fiercely tried to inhibit the sensations that were beginning to stir inside her as she continued to explore JJ's body, foolishly trying to convince herself that she was merely doing her friend a favor, but her own body's responses telling her otherwise. The sunset had now almost completely wrapped them into darkness, and the absence of light made it a lot easier for her to pretend she wasn't diving into dangerous waters as she continued to kiss and fondle Jennifer. The blonde's voice catapulted her back to reality. She stopped her movements and leaned back, trying to shift her weight onto her legs on each of JJ's sides. "Emily", JJ continued calling her name. "Don't stop, please," she said with a repressed moan, and moved her body beneath Emily's, urging her to continue lavishing her skin with caresses.

"I can't," the older girl said regretfully. "I'm sorry JJ but I can't do this... This isn't something I can 'teach' you, it's wrong and weird on so many levels..."

Emily could feel JJ's body stiffen as she pulled away and rolled to her side of the bed, wrapping herself in the blankets as she did.

The lights were turned on, and suddenly JJ's face was just mere inches away from hers.

"Emily, why are you fighting this so hard?" she asked "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Emily hissed, pulling the blanket up to her nose.

"Sure, continue acting like nothing happened, like we didn't kiss or that you don't stare at me when you think I'm not looking. I'm not stupid, Emily, I know you like me," Jennifer ranted, with the desperation of someone whose needs had been left unfulfilled.

"Leave me alone," Emily said, panic rising in her voice. If she had been that obvious, what it possible that other people had noticed it too? Fuck...

"No, I won't leave you alone. I left you alone long enough... Emily I want this... Please, stop being so stubborn."

"Really? Because I was under the impression that you wanted to practice for when you could go and have real sex with some boy," Emily spat, the pain that was rushing through her body clearly reverberating in her words.

"I'm sorry, Em. I just thought that you wouldn't want to do it if I..."

"If you what?" the brunette asked, sitting up straight and looking at JJ with wide eyes.

"If I told you I... I like you too," Jennifer admitted, glancing at Emily with a mixture of hope and anxiety.

Emily smiled at her, but her smile faded seconds later, and her eyes became dark with worry.

"What is it?" asked the blonde and raised both eyebrows. "I mean it, Em. Even if I thought you'd figure it out by yourself. For someone that smart, you're a little slow on the uptake when it comes to these things, you know?" she teased, aiming for the smile to reappear on Emily's face.

"JJ…" Emily began slowly, and the blonde could see how she struggled to find the right words. "We can't cross that line again. Ever. I can't like you like that. You're my best friend, and I don't want to lose you..."

"Lose me? Why would you... Emily, didn't you hear what I just said?"

"Every single word," Emily replied, her mouth feeling thirsty and her head dizzy. "Look, if we... take this path, both of us or at least one of us will end up hurt sooner or later. I don't want that to happen. It could ruin our friendship."

"It doesn't have to," JJ whispered and wrapped her arms around Emily's shoulders. "We can be both… friends and lovers."

"No, we can't," Emily protested and freed herself from JJ's embrace by shaking her arms off. "You can't just go and choose whatever fits your whim, JJ. How is this supposed to work? Will you be my friend at school and then magically transform into my girlfriend at night? Look, I need you as my best friend, and I also want a relationship, but that relationship just can't happen with you..."

"Emily..." JJ said, her voice trembling now. "It wouldn't be like that, and you know it."

"Really? JJ, look what happened to you and Ian. Or all the other boys you've been with. It never lasted. Why should it be any different with me?"

"Because..."

But Emily didn't let her finish. She jumped up from the bed, dragging the blanket behind her and leaving the room as quietly as possible given the agitated state in which she was in.