Oh look I updated at a reasonable time. It only took two days of ignoring my Graphic Arts teacher and writing *kawaii* boyfriends instead.
At Fault: Chapter 25
Gamzee had surprisingly left too fast for Tavros to even ask where he was going. He just shouted over his shoulder he'd be back in a little while, because he had more business to do.
If Tavros remembered right, Gamzee didn't have a shift until tomorrow morning, and he wasn't attending classes until tomorrow either. So he couldn't really imagine what sort of business he was referring to, just that Tavros had to be left at the apartment by himself. Again...
Gamzee was really determined to make Tavros practically live here, to the point where he couldn't even go home when Gamzee wasn't home. He sighed, heavily, and became very bored rather quickly. Draped across the couch, he surfed the televisions with a lazy mind. As some sort of spanish realty show or whatever began playing, Tavros's mind drifted back as he tried to recall last night. Wow, it was just a jumble of clouds there. There was a faint memory of smoke swirling about him and a floating feeling. Everything was back down on earth, except him, he just kept rising. He had been numb throughout his body, and suddenly all the worries draped over his chest lightened. The stress of Senior year, the stress of his family, the constant fret over Gamzee not properly taking care of himself: it all just seemed to drop back down to the floor while he hovered lightly above it all, able to see it, but not able to think it.
He shook his head, the memory wasn't getting any more vivid than that. He could only recall the emotions and very faint thoughts.
Tavros bit his lip; he did have a bit of a headache this morning, if not a bit of sickness. It went away as he ate though and distracted himself by talking with Gamzee about...
His cheeks felt hot. Yeah, that wasn't particularly a pleasant conversation by any stretch, but when Gamzee had first asked, he felt like it was something that had to be done, no matter how uncomfortable.
Naturally, it had been easy for Gamzee. He just sat back, grinned, and asked the questions and gave him genuine replies, while Tavros struggled to keep his voice steady and his hands from trembling. It was nice to get it out in the open and on the table where they could both see it, though. It had been bothering him at the back of his mind for a while now, and his occasional problem at night confirmed it boiled under his brain in his subconscious as well.
And now he knew Gamzee wasn't a virgin, either... he supposed he already sort of guessed, and it might have been brought up previously and he forgot, but it still sort of bothered him. When they did get around to... having sex, Gamzee would be far more experienced. He already gave that away with their sparse make-out sessions; he was not a rookie with his lips or tongue. Tavros bit his lip and tried not to think about that; his heart began to flutter at the memory.
Tavros ran a hand down his short, nubby leg and sighed. How would he be able to properly please Gamzee anyway? The question brought on a blush, but he seriously thought about it: how? No legs to balance himself, he couldn't lift his body when in a lying-down position, or thrust it. He couldn't move his hips well either... and, unless he was wrong, didn't guys have to do it... a certain way?
God, he was embarrassing himself just by thinking about any of this. But he seriously wondered how he would be able to have sex with Gamzee, and pleasure him, and do it his dreams, his mind used imagination. Sometimes in his dreams he would have legs, or it was just oral.
Tavros shook his head frantically; his face was so red it was ridiculous, and the imaginary that ran through his head wasn't helping. He struggled onto his wheelchair, and went to get Gamzee's laptop that was in the kitchen. He didn't think Gamzee would mind if he used it.
Upon opening it, Tavros smiled a little. A search page was open: he had been researching stair ramps. Probably for him. He minimized the search, feeling fuzzy inside knowing how much Gamzee cared.
There was a flash: Gamzee's account was being messaged. After biting the inside of his mouth thinking about whether he should open it, he ended up doing so.
-ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering terminallyCapricious[TC]-
EB: hey, gamzee!
TC: oH, hElLo, jOhn.
TC: uHh, wAiT, tHiS qUiRk iS wEiRD.
EB: huh?
EB: oh yeah you use the weird quirk settings on pesterchum, huh.
TC: nO, uM, wElL, i PrObAbLy sHoUlDn'T cHaNgE iT.
EB: …
EB: you okay gamzee?
EB: you're acting kinda out of it.
EB: i mean, more than usual.
TC: oH, tHiS iS tAvRoS.
TC: I aM oN gAmZeE's cOmPuTeR.
EB: oh!
EB: hey there!
EB: any reason you're on his computer and not your own?
TC: wElL, mY cOmPuTeR iS aT hOmE.
TC: aNd I aM cUrReNtLy iN gAmZeE's aPaRtMeNt.
EB: oh, okay.
EB: is gamzee around?
TC: uH, nO, hE wEnT sOmEwHeRe.
TC: nOt SuRe WhErE.
EB: that's kind of fucked up of him.
EB: well i guess if you're there alone you can come here.
TC: uH, yOu SuRe.
EB: yeah! i'm free until my classes later in the afternoon.
EB: and grumpy-butt karkat isn't here right now so you don't have to worry about him.
TC: wElL, I GuEsS.
EB: we can play something on the ps3.
EB: i hope you have your game on.
EB: maybe i can invite dave or jade to play with us.
EB: rose doesn't like playing video games much.
EB: well i guess she does sometimes but it really depends on her mood.
EB: i can ask her too!
TC: tHaT's oKaY.
TC: oH, wHaT iS jAdE's lAsT nAmE.
TC: tHe OnE yOu mEnTiOnEd.
EB: jade?
EB: jade harley
TC: oH.
TC: I kNoW hEr.
EB: really?
EB: she might have mentioned you once or twice, not sure though!
EB: pretty cool.
EB: well anyway, yeah, you should come over.
TC: I wIlL i GuEsS.
TC: bE tHeRe iN a MiNuTe
EB: alright.
-terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]-
Tavros closed the laptop, went into the bathroom to freshen up and then left the apartment. It was a short trek down the hall and around a few corners before getting to John's and Karkat's shared apartment. Tavros became closer to John in the last few weeks, a friendship formed from both enjoying video games.
He was sort of blunt, and maybe a bit sarcastic at times, but he was pretty nice.
He knocked on the door and waited for John to answer. Gamzee and Tavros visited them fairly often (though Karkat liked to mention that it was more of a case of them sponging off him and John), so the interior was very familiar to him now. When John answered the door, his lips rose to a goofy grin, "Hey, sup?" He asked as Tavros wheeled in. He shut the door behind him and raced past to launch himself over the back of the couch like a hyper child.
"Not, uh, much, I guess." Tavros replied as he wheeled around the couch, "So, did you get any new games?"
"Actually yeah, I did." He grinned a bit mischievously and reached over onto the coffee table and tossed a game case at Tavros. He just managed to catch it with clumsy hands before looking at the cover.
"Prototype 2?"
"Yeah. Played the first one a while ago. Real fun, but I dunno if you'd like it, it's extremely violent." John replied.
"I can watch you, uh, play it." Tavros suggested with a shrug, "I don't, really, mind violent games."
John began the game, and he was right, it was extremely violent. The character literally shed enemies in half, to the point where their limbs when flying and their heads toppled to the blood-covered ground. John eventually gave the controller to Tavros, and he gave it a try, but he wasn't forceful enough while playing, and he kept losing and dying. His companion broke out into laughter, telling him how terrible he was at the game.
"Do I, uh, have to kill all these people?" Tavros asked, biting at his lip.
"Well, yeah, that's the point." John replied with an eye-roll. "But, I guess we don't hafta play it if you don't want to."
"Nah, I'll just, uh, watch you play."
John shrugged, took the controller and played again.
"Hey, John?"
"Yeah?"
"I have uh... question."
"Shoot!"
"H-how long, did it take, for, uh, you and Karkat to..."
"Hmmm?"
"..."
"..."
"You know..."
"...No, I don't?"
God, he wasn't sure why he was asking this in the first place. Just clarification, he guessed, but it was just to awkward, why did he think he should have asked it in the first place?
"The first time, you guys..."
"...Oh! You mean had sex?"
"Y-yeah!"
"Uhhh... hmn... it actually started out as sex, heh."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I mean, after that we considered ourselves actual boyfriends. Before that though it was just a lot of tension, we even kissed a few times! Hah! But, why the sudden question?"
Tavros messed with the bottom of his shirt as he contemplated his words before replying, "Um, just, G-Gamzee might have, brought it up..."
"What? You guys haven't done it yet?" John practically shouted in sudden surprise, the controller falling from his hand as he leaned forward, "How have you two been dating?"
"Only a few months..."
"Oh... I thought it was longer than that. Well anyway, kinda weird you haven't had sex!" He was looking at Tavros in almost a judgmental way, "But I guess you guys are taking it slow, huh?"
Tavros nodded. "I might, perhaps, asked to not do it so quickly, just, because I am unused to it."
John snickered, and Tavros's face lit up, "W-what?"
"You're just being a cute virgin right now."
"No need to uh, tease!"
"Sorry, sorry. It really isn't that hard though. Well actually, it is," John let loose more light giggles at his joke, "But it'll come pretty naturally, so don't get your pink panties in a twist."
"T-they aren't pink!" The younger man protested. "They're, uh..." deep purple Tavros finished in his head. John didn't need to know the color of his undergarments.
"Whatever. Anyway, rootin' for you too. Lemme know when the test comes in positive, yeah?" He asked as he picked up the controller again.
Tavros nodded, "Alright... wait no, that isn't, uh, anatomically possible!"
John just snicked and unpaused the game. The room was filled with the sounds of war and violence, and they fell into a silence themselves except for John's occasional cursing and yelling at the screen.
Tavros was distracted again; he thought about the previous night, and this morning, and just now his conversation with John. His head was just swimming with a combination of anticipation and fear; anticipation for one day soon Gamzee and he would actually... do it. On the other hand, he would be scared Gamzee would see his nubby legs and be disgusted, or that he couldn't properly please Gamzee. His brain was conflicting every thought and idea it came with, and he soon grew a headache.
A vibrating in his pocket brought him out of the depths of his mind.
-terminallyCapricious [TC] began pestering adiosToreador[AT]-
TC: yO, tAvbRo?
TC: YoU mOthErFucKiN tHeRe?
AT: uMMM, yES, i AM,
AT: hEY,
TC: YoU aT kArbRo'S?
AT: oH, I AM, hOW DID YOU KNOW,
TC: lOoKeD aT mY cOmPuTeR wHeN I GoT hOmE.
TC: wOrRiEd fOr A wHiLe bEcAuSe I dIdN'T sEe YoU.
TC: hOnK. }:o(
AT: sORRY, gAMZEE,
AT: i WAS JUST KIND OF BORED, i GUESS, bECAUSE YOU LEFT,
AT: jOHN OFFERED AND STUFF SO,
TC: sOrRy, dIdN't MeAn To MaKe yOu AlL uP aNd AlOnE aNd sHiT.
TC: }:o( rEaLlY sOrRy BrO.
TC: uP aNd bEiNg A bAd bOyFRiEnD hErE.
AT: iT'S FINE, rEALLY, i AM SURE THE BUISNESS YOU ATTENDED TO, wAS IMPORTANT,
AT: yOU AREN'T A BAD BOYFRIEND EITHER, yOU SHOULDN'T DOWN YOURSELF LIKE THAT, uH, EITHER,
TC: sOrRy, JuSt A lItTlE uPsEt In mY tHiNkPaN.
AT: }:o(
AT: i WILL GO HOME NOW, iF YOU WANT,
TC: dOn'T hAvE tO iF yOu DoN't uP aNd wAnT tO.
AT: i WILL BE THERE, mOMENTARILY,
Tavros didn't even bother closing out of the chat, he just shoved his phone into his pocket.
"You okay?" John asked, not moving his eyes from the screen.
"Uh, yeah, I think I am going to go home now, Gamzee is back."
"Alright! Make lots of babies," John said mischievously with a grin.
Tavros furrowed his eyebrows, "N-not possible!" He insisted quickly before he wheeled away and out the front door. His motions were hasty as he went through the hallway to Gamzee's apartment. He wondered momentarily if the door was unlocked, so he gave it a loud knock and waited nervously.
Gamzee was at the door in seconds. He was slouched, and draped in a thick hoodie with pajama pants, and one hand was shoved deep into the pocket as if it were cold. His eyes lit up and he threw his arms around Tavros's neck, for once moving with haste.
"Motherfucker, I was up and worried there," Gamzee explained, not letting Tavros from his embrace. "I came home and man, I all looked around, in every room and shit and you weren't here. I panicked and went to see if you were on pesterchum, then I saw the message."
"S-sorry!" Tavros squeaked, "I should have, uh, let you know I wouldn't be here."
"Man, I shouldn't just up and leave you like that, bro. Gotta remember you don't actually up and live here. Ain't no reason for me leaving you."
"Well, uh, I am sure you have your reasons. And business," Tavros soothed, running his fingers through Gamzee's entangled, slick hair, doing his best to imitate a comforting gesture.
"I did have some shit I had to do, but I could have went and did it later."
"Uh, Gamzee? Y-you okay?" He asked rather suddenly, and he pulled away to get a look at Gamzee's face. He didn't normally make a thing out of things like this.
"Motherfuck, yeah, fine, just a little bit a stressful thing I had to deal with." He gave a reassuring smile, "It's all chill, brother. No need to fret over me."
"W-well I worry about you a lot," Tavros sighed. He did too; Gamzee didn't eat right, had strange sleeping habits, rather off hygiene habits, and he didn't know how to properly take care of himself at all. In the time Tavros spent staying with Gamzee, he had realized this. It was difficult to help him, much to Tavros's frustration. He couldn't clean, couldn't cook, couldn't shop for proper food, he couldn't make Gamzee go wash his hair because it had become greasy, he couldn't do any of that. He could give advice and support and hope Gamzee would listen, but it didn't extend much farther than that.
"Man, wish you didn't, nothing to worry about." The older man sighed as he twirled around to the back of Tavros's wheelchair and pushed him inside the apartment.
They rolled over a horn that had been left in the middle of his normal wheelchair path, and they both squeaked in surprise.
"Well, I could, uh, worry about your lack of h-hygiene." Tavros told him as he reached down, picked up the horn and gave it a honk, much to Gamzee's amusement.
"Hope you ain't implyin' I throw that away." Gamzee replied
"'Course n-not," He put the horn in his lap, "But perhaps you should get some, uh, shelves, or drawers?" He suggested meekly.
"Hmmm..." Gamzee hum'd, as if he were thinking about it.
"O-or I guess... I could w-worry about your diet," as he was wheeled through the kitchen, he reached onto the counter for an empty pudding cup. "How many, uh, of these have you had?"
Gamzee gave him the pouting look of a child, "None today, bro!"
"Y-yesterday?"
"...Three."
Tavros gave him a knowing scowl, "Y-you should cook for yourself, not, uh, just me. I'm getting fat from it all, anyways."
The dopey grin returned to Gamzee's face, "Not fat bro, pudgy, and it's motherfuckin' adorable." He gave Tavros's stomach a poke.
He jumped in surprise and squeaked.
"You know when I first met you, you were all up and skinny as fuck." Gamzee pointed out as he pushed Tavros into the living room and to the couch.
"Well, I don't really, uh, eat much at home. I can't cook, and Dad's really busy..."
"He motherfuckin' has a responsibility," Gamzee growled as he let go of Tavros's wheelchair and threw himself into the cushions. "I don't fucking care how motherfuckin' 'busy' he is, he should at least try and take care of you."
Tavros shrugged, feeling as if they were going off track, "Uh... point is, Gamzee, you should take, uh, care of yourself better."
The older man let out a drawled-out sigh and tipped his head back. Tavros rolled away into the kitchen. He considered getting Gamzee some Faygo, but instead he went for the water bottles that remained to be drank even though they were bought over a week ago. He returned to Gamzee and handed him the bottle.
He gave it a look before taking it, "Thanks, Tav."
"You, uh, sound sorta tired..."
He shrugged, "Not really. S'only like, man I don't know. Time is such a miracle, isn't it?"
"I, uh, guess." As a silence fell between them and boredom ensued Tavros agreed as he reached for the remote that lay on the edge of the couch so he could turn on the TV and perhaps release some of the tedious atmosphere.
Gamzee grabbed his hand before he could grasp the remote, and with a tug he managed to help Tavros from his chair and onto his lap. He gave him a quick kiss before wickedly grinning.
"Got somethin' cool on the way home," he said.
"What would, uh, that be?"
"I already up and put it in the stereo," He reached for the stereo remote on the coffee table, "I got some motherfuckin' sick rhymes, man. New CD, sounds so fucking wicked."
He pressed play, and the entire room boomed and swirled with sick beats and lyrics. It was so loud it was bound to annoy the neighbors- but it thumped and drummed Tavros's ribcage. He probably would have hurt his ears, but he was used to how loud Gamzee turned his music by now. He closed his eyes and rested his head against Gamzee's shoulder, and he felt Gamzee's chin on the top of his head.
"Pretty, uh, sick, Gamzee," Tavros mumbled as he listened.
"I know right, bro? Thought you'd up and like it."
"I-I more than like it. It's really, uh, good."
Gamzee was probably grinning stupidly now, and so was Tavros.
They were a couple of boyfriends listening to terrible rap music and nestled in each other's arms.
god what did i just write