We rolled up to the gates of Wentworth slowly. Something Bridget would soon have to face every week day. The thought of it made me shudder. I felt the need to gag, or laugh, or squeak in anxiety as we got closer. It was like my skin was crawling away from me, or I had the worst itch I'd ever experienced and I knew I wasn't allowed to scratch it or it'd rip wide open. I cleared my throat repeatedly to keep my screaming in my head and away from my mouth. Bridget looked me up and down as I fidgeted and licked the rim of my mouth incessantly. She took me in.

"Franky are you sure you want to go in there? You look totally triggered..." She spoke slowly and softly but I could tell she was scared shitless herself. We could be found out here, I could lose it inside and get locked back up... Boomer could lose it on me for not bothering to write or anything... I swallowed hard, suddennly very aware of every drop of spit pooling in my mouth.

Bridget rifled through her glove box and thrust a plastic bag in my direction. "Here, you look a little green Baby..."

I put my hand up and shook my head stiffly to gently let her know I was okay. "Got nothin to spew Gidge... Been hours since I ate." I sounded collected and convincing but I could feel bile burning the hairs in the bottom of my throat bringing with it the awful after taste of hours old black coffee...

"Hmmchh" I muttered under my breath trying to push everything back down, I wasn't about to throw up over seeing Wentworth... I'd been back here before. Spent hours sitting alone in the car park just trying to sort my thoughts, debating whether any of this was worth it or if I should just turn myself in for every thing I'd not been charged for and every awful image that played in my head at night as I suffered to dream of anything else.

"It's different when you have to go back inside the doors. It's a break through for you to want to be here Franky, but you don't have to do it today if yer not ready. Kay?" I bit my lip so hard it started to bleed when she spoke... How did she know

"Vera told me you'd been spotted her Puss, I know you come sometimes to sort it all out in yer head. Roght?"

I smiled at her and nodded. It still baffled me that in spite of everything she loved me so much... I loved her too but I wished I didn't some days. But for today I took comfort in her just being there.

"Mkay, I'm ready lets go." I stammered out between the upturned corners of my lips. I fought hard to hold my face still and stern and open my door with a bang. "I love yew Gidge, whateva happens don't eva forget that hey?"

She pulled the sunglasses from her eyes looking concerned and planted a motherly kiss on my forehead. "You'll be back Francesca, I'll be here for you. Be back in 35 minutes ok?" I nodded aimlessly. "You sure you don't need this love?" She whispered handing me the bag.

"Nup. If I throw up, they can clean it..." I coughed out picking up my feet and bolting toward the door with more purpose than I'd felt in awhile.

I walked in briskly. I had no interest in drawing attention on my way through processing. I already knew the process and Bridget and I had practiced the lines I needed to say to get through. They searched me 100 times more thoroughly than anyone else going through and because of my past the placed me in an isolation visitation cub but I made it through.

I picked at my nails in the dimly lit room trying hard to push back the memories of seeing my dad in the very same room. I blinked hard and wrinkled my nose at the memory. "You're not even him anymore" echoed in my head and suddenly I was scared Boomer wouldn't be the same, or that she'd some how love me less...

I was staring into my lap when a tap on the glass sent me into slight shock. "OOO fuck Boomer you scared me shitless!" I chimed upon realizing she'd been the one to startle me out of my daze. "Mmm Yeh, its me..." She saiud coldly.

"Uhmmm mkay I was expecting a little more than that... " I was hurt. She looked so much more put together. She'd lost weight, her hair looked clean and well cut but she looked scornful and angry.

She spoke abruptly inches from the glass. "You're lucky I don't go fuckin bunta on you... It's been over 4 months Franky! Where have you been!" She hit the glass hard with a closed fist. I slouched back in my seat moving away from her fury.

I was overcome with emotion seeing her. She was terribly hurt. Again, by me... I put my hands against the glass as tears fell over my cheeks. I missed her like fucking crazy couldn't she see how hard this was for me?

But I got it... She felt abandoned, left behind here without me and thrown away. I got it, too much actually. Then she started to cry and put her hand out toward the glass as if to touch me and both of us lost the plot.

I sobbed hard banging my head lightly off the glass as she spoke through her tears. "I know you love her Franky, I mean. But would it fuckin kill ya to put some effort in somewhere else? I miss you, and I needed you. I want a bubby so bad Franks and I'm so alone here... God! I'm so alone..."

I was confused and frazzled at everything she'd just thrown at me but I tried hard to reach her, make her understand everything we'd been through. And then I played with fire, I spilled my guts about the murder of my mom, my new tattoo, living with Gidge, meeting up with my dad in secret, finding outr I had a sister I'd yet to meet everything! Shit I'd never even told Gidget regardless of everything being recorded... In that moment I needed my best friend back and making sure she knew I trusted her meant more than any of it.

She knew I was pouring everything on the line and I felt the tension leave my shoulders as she stopped crying and looked me in the eyes. "So you haven't changed. You're still the same Franky, the woman I love, My best mate. Thank you, I'm sorry I didn't write you either..."

"Fuck look at us? " I laughed. "We're both big sooks." The guard motioned from the window letting me know we had 5 minutes left. Boomer filled me in on the Conjegeal visits and her plan to have a baby.

I joked around with her to lighten her hurt over the whole predicament. "ahh yer just tellin me cuz you want me !" I winked. "I love you Franky but I don't wanna root you" She responded dutifully. "Yeh, whateva" I rolled off my tongue.

I felt amazing as I left. I promised I'd be back, I needed to see Bea too. I'd heard she was going off her rocker... I got 10 steps from the gates and nearly passed out from the pain in my stomach and vomitted all over my shoes...

"Fuck" I thought out loud. Bridget pulled up in my car minutes later handing me the bag for my shoes. We drove back in silence, my stomach and pride stinging. But, my chest wasn't heavy anymore...