Felicity: An American Girl ROMANCE, Pt3, Ch 25: Sleeping Arrangement
Ring the bells, wake the kids, its that time again! Christmas, you ask? No! It's Disclaimer Time! YAY! I own no American Girl characters. I don't even like admitting to owning Forsythe, a character I made up! Anyone who wants him can have him. As for Arthur Pratt, he likes working with people, so who am I to hold his career as a comic-relief character back? Now the chapter:
He got tired of sitting and decided to pace. Back and forth, with his hands clasped behind his back. Ben Davidson worried and fretted that something was happening to Felicity and Elizabeth couldn't come for help. He tried to convince himself that he was only jumping to conclusions, that Felicity and Elizabeth really did have much to talk about, and that they were fine. Girls like to talk when they get together, fool. Lissie and Beth have been long separated. Felicity is perfectly safe here, has been since the duke himself brought her here. The grounds are well-guarded, he said so himself. And then the 'if's and but's' started up again, and 'twas all he could do to stay on the steps going down from the patio.
Although every now and then he would go down a couple more steps and pace.
According to Lazlo, who had come outside to see if he wanted anything in the way of food or drink, it had been two hours since the young ladies had gone into the gardens. Ben was right at his snapping point when he heard giggling coming from the high hedges and wiilowed gardens to the left of the hedge-maze, and there emerged Felicity and Elizabeth, strolling arm-in-arm, laughing even though their faces showed signs of crying. What an emotional reunion they must have had! Clearly, things seemed to be at peace between the two of them again. But Ben didn't truly care about that. He was so happy to see Felicity all right that he leapt off the steps and ran to her, grabbing her about the waist and twirling her around before setting her back down and hugging her hard.
"My goodness, Ben!" exclaimed Elizabeth, a little annoyed. "She is perfectly fine! What were you thinking might happen out there? You are so bloody impatient!"
"Aye. I most certainly am," Ben replied absently, not really caring what Elizabeth was thinking about him. He hugged Felicity tight until he heard her muffled protest at his neck, "Ben, I can't breathe!"
"Oh. Sorry." But he would not release her, not entirely. She gave him a dazed sort of smile as he adjusted the clasp of his cloak at her neck like an overprotective, over-attentive parental figure of sorts. "Are you all right?"
As Elizabeth sighed stiffly and shook her head, Felicity said lightly, "Yes, Ben, really. Do not react so!" She paused, looking him curiously in the eye. "Have you been waiting out here all of this time for me?"
"Of course! Where else would I be?"
Felicity seemed to be slightly amused by that. Her beautiful green eyes regarded him consideringly and he had to fight like hell inside to keep from grabbing her again and kissing her. Did she finally believe he loved her? Oh, it would be wonderful if she did! But he was going to take the duke's advice and not push for any more than she could give right now. She was smiling at him, and that made his heart soar like an eagle.
Having been invited to stay at Bel Hall until the ship was ready, Elizabeth, Ben and Arthur were naturally expected to dine with Lord Covington at meal times. That evening Elizabeth made Felicity put on one of the dresses she had brought from home, which Felicity recognized as being her friend's pale green one, more for daytime wear than dining with a duke, but Lord Covington insisted that they all be confortable at his table. As he told them, "We are not attending a party, merely eating!" Everyone found that to be most agreeable.
Ben paced like a nervous cat outside Felicity's door as Elizabeth tied the laces on the pale green dress she had made her friend put on. "You look lovely," she said softly as she turned Felicity about, and fluffed the ruffling at the elbows. "But so skinny! You simply must eat well before your mother sees you again. She will go into despair if she sees you looking so thin!"
Felicity half-smiled, thinking of her mother so very far away. "I suppose. I had to stop eating much for awhile so those powders I told you about wouldn't addle my brain while I was trying to escape with Lettie."
"What a fool I was not to believe you and Arthur had been poisoned," Elizabeth said ruefully, with the same kind of self-loathing that Ben expressed. "I shan't ever forgive myself for the way I reacted. 'Tis a miracle Arthur still loves me enough to marry me."
"Arthur loves you no matter what, Beth," Felicity told her sentimentally. "You are his world."
"As you are Ben's." She looked at Felicity somberly. "That fellow has been near impossible to put up with for the past few months. At sea he was nothing but a ghost haunting the decks. He is impossible to get on with when he has his mind set on something, which in this case was you."
Felicity sighed a little stressfully. "Please, Beth, you are not going to try to plead for him on his behalf, are you? I cannot take that right now, I just can't."
"Oh no, not at all. He knows better than to approach me for that. No, he wants to win you back all on his own. I just wanted to know if you can forgive him...and me, for that matter, for the wrong we have done to you and Arthur. I am just saying that I know how guilty Ben feels because I feel it myself. We do not deserve your forgiveness, but I will do anything to win your friendship back. Anything."
"And as I told you out in the gardens that I do forgive you. I don't want to think about that day anymore. I love you, Beth, and I know we will be close again in time. But with Ben...I just don't know. 'Tis different with him, because we were supposed to be married. He is the boy, the man, I was ready to pledge my heart to forever- not just my heart, but my body, my life...what about the next time it seems as though I have done something wrong when I really haven't? How can I trust that he will be there for me, to support me? As of now, I have no trust in him whatsoever, and love just isnt enough. I cannot endure another situation like this, no one is that strong. And Lord, I am so tired! Maybe its the powders, and maybe it's just this whole entire fiasco wearing me down at last, I dont know!"
Elizabeth's blue eyes were teary again. She gripped Felicity's shoulders and said with heart-driven determination, "You and Ben will find your way back to one another, I know you will! 'Tis time you need, that's all. Where there is love, there is hope."
"I hope you are right, Beth. Right now I do not feel very encouraged."
They hugged. "Oh Lissie, you will find your way back to yourself. I know you will!" As positive as Elizabeth sounded, however, inside she was very worried about Felicity's state of mind. Not worried that her beloved friend was insane or anywhere near it, but it was so unnerving to see Felicity Merriman, of all people, so spiritless and distant.
When Elizabeth opened the door of the room, Ben was right there, breathing a massive sigh of relief as Felicity came out, only to be pulled into Ben's eager embrace. He squeezed her hard then looked her up and down. "You look beautiful."
Felicity's face turned red. She smiled the slightest, feeling much too on-the-spot, and said " 'Tis only a day-dress, Ben. Let's just go down to supper now."
All the way to the duke's grand dining table Felicity could feel Ben's eyes on her. She didn't know whether to feel self-conscious or flattered. Or stressed! She had to admit to herself, and herself alone, that she was afraid to look at him, for the intensity in his brown eyes and the seriousness with which he was taking her was almost too much to bear. She feared she'd just give way and began sobbing out of relief in seeing him, having him near, having him touch her. She didn't want him to think everything was all right between them so soon.
And she wasn't all sure it ever would be.
Ben held her chair for her as she sat, then all three men sat after Felicity and Elizabeth. Lord Covington had two dining rooms in his home, one for formal gatherings and parties, the other for casual, small gatherings, such as this one. It was a warm room, with a festively-carved mable fireplace that featured fruit in its scrollwork. The room glowed with hues of amber and gold, making Felicity feel that the very season of autumn was the theme of the room. The handiwork of Lady Evangeline, no doubt. Felicity caught herself smiling a little.
Ben sat himself right beside her, even scooting his chair close so that he could keep one hand on her closest arm or chair arm. It certianly wasn't proper ettiquette for dining at a duke's table, but Ben didn't care. He was here for Felicity and no one else. All of his attentions, all of his energies, were focused on winning her back. And he had missed her so damn much that it was all he could do to keep himself off of her.
Talk ranged concerning everything from typical English weather to the Jacobite Rebellion and London's notorious Fleet Street. The topic of Fleet Street's illegal marriages brought up the subject of marriage in general, and a very disgusted Ben could not refrain form saying aloud, "The bastard Forsythe believes himself to be married to Felicity. It is not a marriage when the preacher has to be bribed, the bride poisoned, and the whole thing forced."
"Or unconsumated," added Felicity miserably, prompting Ben to squeeze her hand beneath the bronze-colored tablecloth.
Eric nodded. "I will most definately investigate into this bribery at St. Mary Recliffe's. No proper rector would have allowed such an action to take place in a house of the Lord."
"The church needed reapirs," Felicity stated blandly.
"St. Mary Redcliffe?" Ben exclaimed with wide eyes. "That's the big church I saw on my way through Bristol with Rollie Newton! Forsythe took you there?"
"Yes. I barely remember it. I was dressed all in pink and my head felt very heavy. Two people held me up, and I could barely stay awake."
Ben brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.
"Remember, Felicity," advised the duke mindfully, "tomorrow afternoon we go to Forsythe Manor with the authorities to make the arrests, and find your friend Lettie. You should get as much sleep as possible so that you will feel ready."
"Yes, your grace."
Ben noted that she sounded resolved, determined. Then the duke said, "I will have the maids prepare room for all of you, Mr. Pratt, Miss Cole, Mr. Davidson, when you are ready to retire for the-"
"Excuse me, sir," Ben interrupted hastily, looking concerned, "I mean no disrespect to your or your household, but I cannot be separated from Felicity. Not even for a night. I will sleep in a chair by her side or on the floor in a blanket, but I will not be separated from her again. I just can't."
There was indeed an awkward pause all around the table, with Arthur looking from Ben to the duke, who sat at the head of the table, Elizabeth sighing tensely and shaking her head, and Felicity giving Ben a startled look. "I'm sorry, sir," Ben added imploringly. "You have to understand that I have been on the edge of madness without my fiance around. The nightmares have been the worst a man can endure, I cannot-"
This time the duke interrupted. "I hear you, Mr. Davidson-Ben, that is. Yes, I do understand the grief of being without the love of your life, even for one night. You understand that such behavior between an unmarried couple is greatly frowned upon, do you not?"
"Yes sir, but-"
Eric smiled, amused at how nervous but tenacious this young cavalry captain was. He was thinking of a time when he rode out to the home of his young Evangeline, to climb a rope ladder up to her window so that she could let him in and snuggle with him by the fire in her bedchamber on chilly evenings. Love could make a man crazy. It could make a man do absurd things, like isolate himself from his only child because the child looked too much like the love that was cruelly snatched away all too soon. He inhaled sharply and looked at Felicity, who was looking rather nervous herself.
"Miss Merriman, do you mind having your guardian sit watch over you tonight?"
Immediately Ben looked at her pleadingly, desperately, as if she had it in her power to bestow upon him his heart's greatest wish, which at this moment it was.
Felicity nodded, albeit hesitantly, and the look she gave Ben then was one he couldn't decipher: he was quite sure it wasn't disappointment nor anger, but uncertaintly, perhaps?
"Well there you are, Mr. Davidson! I have a feeling that whether I objected or not, you would break your neck trying to stay with her tonight, and I will not have your death on my hands."
"Thank you sir," Ben told him, releasing once more the breath that he had been holding.
"Now, Mr. Pratt, I would love to hear some more about your adventures in the colonies." And at this, Eric grinned, for as many often did, he found the blond Brit to be immensely entertaining. The lad was quite avid in his retelling of an encounter with a bear...
Ben leaned toward Felicity as she ate in silence. "Don't be angry with me, Lissie. I promise I will remain only at your side in a chair."
But Felicity didn't reply. She simply glared at the table-top. Something was wrong again, Ben could feel it. Not that everything was fine between them now, 'twas just that she had just thrown up yet another stone wall, emotionally, and there were so many walls he had yet to break down already. But Ben Davidson was more determined than ever to break those walls down. After all, he was a man of Lee's Legion; he would not give up so easily. Hell, he'd never give up at all!
Dinner passed quickly, then dessert, then Elizabeth entertained them all by playing "A Soldier And A Sailor" on Lady Evangeline's long-dormant spinnet, and she did such a good job of it that it brought Felicity to tears and gushes of compliments from the duke, who took Felicity aside just before Ben escorted her out of the parlor and said, "Miss Felicity, you and your friends have reminded me just how much I miss having this place resounding with company and the laughter of youngsters."
"But my lord," protested Felicity gently, with a coy smile, "you are not an old man!"
"Mayhaps," Eric chuckled warmly. "But I miss also my son. 'Tis past time for Thomas to come home." He took a deep breath. "I am ready."
"Good for you! I am quite sure that little Thomas misses you more than you know. You have too much life to live and too much love to give to keep yourself hidden away, from your son and the rest of the world!"
He took one of her fingerless-gloved hands into both of his (which had the fires of jealousy igniting in Ben once more as her stood by, waiting) and said, "Now Felicity, you are by far no old woman. Would you not take your own advice?"
"My situation is different." She was blushing uncontrollably.
"Is it?"
"My lord, I am not myself anymore. Too much has happened for me to just-"
"Shush," he commanded in a soothing voice. "I once thought as you do now. But time has melted my heart and lonliness moved my soul to reach out again. If you allow your experiences with Reginald Forsythe to drag you down, then he still has control over you without the benefit of powders." He grinned as he watched her blink rapidly, startled by his blunt advice. "Your young man is brooding over there. Let him escort you upstairs so that he will not come over here and throttle me."
Felicity had to bite her bottom lip to keep from grinning. She bid her good-nights to Elizabeth and Arthur, embracing them both, kissing them both on their cheeks, curstied before the duke, then allowed Ben to take her arm and lead her toward the grand staircase. He was quiet as they went up the stairs, but as soon as they reached the landing, Ben unexpectedly scooped her up in his arms again.
"Ben, I can walk, you know," she told him aggravatedly, although inside she was quite giddy.
"I know that. But these arms of mine have been deprived of you for so long that they do not care."
He was trying to get her to smile again, but she didn't. Her face returned to the same espression she had when Ben told the duke he would be willing just to sit in a chair at her bedside. Grumpy. Disturbed about something. He wished to high heaven he knew what about.
He carried her the very short distance into her room, closed the door with a boot foot, then took her right to the big fancy bed and put her down upon it carefully, in the middle, sitting up so that he could sit himself beside her, turned toward her. His hands rested upon her hips to keep her from getting away.
They were both quiet a minute before Felicity asked in a suspicious tone, "So, did you mean what you said when you told the duke you would sit in a chair?"
"Yes," Ben breathed affirmatively. He could not help but become entranced by the graceful shape of her collarbone and the urge to caress it was almost killing him.
"So I disgust you that much, do I?"
What? "Felicity, what do you mean? 'Disgust me'? Whatever do you think I meant-"
"Oh you know perfectly well, Benjamin Davidson!" She tried to slide away from him, toward the other side of the bed, to put space between them again, but Ben would not have it. He steeled his hold on her hips, keeping her put despite her insistent struggles. There were too many walls between them now as it was. He wasn't about to let another one spring up! She stiffened her entire body and tried to lean back away from him. "I disgust you so much that you cannot even sleep in a bed beside me! I'd rather you just leave the room than to insult me further by-"
"Felicity, no! That is not what I meant! Oh Lord no, love, I only meant I was willing to sleep in a chair out of respect for what you've been through! I wanted to convince Lord Covington that I would be on my best behavior, and that for you, I would not want you to think I was just another villain trying to...you know. Get close to you." His brown eyes looked sad and his voice softened considerably.
"The last thing in the world I want is for you to associate me with Forsythe and his ass cousin."
She relaxed a little, straightening herself and eyeing him suspiciously still, but she didn't struggle any more. "That's all it was? You just didn't want me to think you were pressuring me?"
"Aye, I swear it."
" 'Tis said that a woman who is sought after by many men must surely be a wh-"
"Do not say that, Felicity! Oh God how I hate that that horrible word escaped my own mouth!"
She was struggling with her emotions. "So...you would like to sleep beside me in this bed?"
"God, yes!" He hugged her hard again, dropping his forehead onto her shoulder. "You have no idea how badly I want to keep you close to me all night long!"
Slowly, Felicity brough a hand up to lay upon his back. "I miss us lying together like we used to."
"Oh so do I. Lissie! Neither one of us shall miss it ever again!" He lifted his head and smiled sheepishly at her. "Shall we get ready for bed now?"
She nodded, and allowed him to take her hands and pull her off the bed. He removed his coat and waistcoat as Felicity just stood there, not really knowing what to do. 'Twas like getting to know him all over again, yet being so familiar with his movements and presence. At length, she sighed and reached back behind herself to unlace the dress's stays, but Ben was behind her all of a sudden, gently moving her hands aside. "Let me, please?"
"Well, if you don't mind..." She caught his expression in the looking glass of the room's vanity table. He looked eager and so attentive that it was all she could do not to whirl around and fling herself at him in a flurry of fierce kisses. But she refrained, on the principle that she would not give in until she could trust him again. With slow fingers he carefully unlaced the green ribbon-strings of the dress and pushed it off of her shoulders. She swayed a little, for the nearness of his warm body and his breath on her neck was giving her chills of excitement that were awfully hard to deny.
She stepped out of the dress, now only clad in the thin cotton shift Marvel-Ann Babcock had given her, then picked it up to lay it over a trunk near the wall. Ben's brown eyes were all over her, she was aware, so she couldn't look directly at him for fear that she would be too drawn in to resist him, whatever he was thinking. What was he thinking, anyway? Felicity merely sighed as she reached up to her pinned up hair to take the pins out.
"I'll do that, too, if you dn't mind," Ben said quickly, stepping forward eagerly.
"Ben, really, I can do it myself just fine." She didn't sound too irritated, but somewhat amused.
"I know, I just...missed that red head of yours terribly, the smell of your hair." He smiled as she turned around at the vanity table, her back to him so that he could do as he wanted. Gentle fingers touched the back of her neck, carefully pulled the slender pins from the mass of red tresses rolled into a bun. She reached up and pulled the mobcap off, laid it on the vanity top as Ben pulled her hair down, tangled his fingers in it, then buried his face in its waves at ther neck. He inhaled deeply, savoring the smell of her, the silky texture of her hair.
Then his arms slid around her from behind, pulling her back against him, holding her tight and intensely. She did seem to melt against him, her body losing most of its rigidity and tension. His soft lips found the hyper-sensitive side of her neck and moved down its graceful curve. "Lissie," he murmured absently before kissing the bend of her neck so firmly. There was a great deal of longing and emotion in his huskied voice that Felicity found entrancing. So much so that when Ben caught her expression in the looking glass he saw her eyelids flutter helplessly shut and one of her hands rose to place itself on one of his arms.
Lord, but he had never been so aroused as he was now.
His splayed hands moved over her upper and lower stomach, silently reveling in the heat of her thin body emitting from the lightweight shift she wore. Her head rolled back slowly upon his muscled shoulder as his soothing, wandering hands moved up and down her sides, over her hips (she's too thin! he thought worriedly) up and down her arms. It was like getting to know her form all over again, and even then he had not known her intimately.
But this was a good place to start, he decided amorously.
One arm slipped back around her, holding her firmly against him, while his other hand pushed the edge of her shift down a little, revealing the round top of a very white shoulder, that he kissed hard and hungrily, making her gasp softly.
"Ben..."
The sound of his name escaping her lips prompted him to turn her about and bring his ever-eager mouth down on hers for a kiss so deep and so intense that were it not for his strong arms around her she would've gone right to the floor. It was a passionate kiss, yet loving and desperate. Somehow she got her hands up to his face, and that gesture alone moved him to scoop her up once more and take the two steps over to the bed and lay her down in the middle of it, where he moved over her, maintaining the mouth-to-mouth contact. He proped up on his forearms on either side of her magnificent red-head so that he could kiss her even harder, hoping that she could no longer doubt his love of and desire for her. She could only cling to him, spellbound, and let him work her willing mouth with his own.
Hands will wander when one was in the grips of lust, and Ben moved one of his down the right side of her body again following the curve of her hip, finding her small but very enticing backside, fingers clenching,an act which made her utter a whimper of longing and bring her hips up to press against his. His tongue worked feverishly to dominate her sweet mouth with deep penetrating strokes from every angle. Her hands fisted in his hair, yanked the black ribbon holding his hair back and flinging it away. Her back arched of its own accord, pressing, revealing its own need to be touched and pleasured.
"Lissie," he murmered against her cheek, his voice thick with desire, "I can't...can't stop. I want you so much, I want you to be mine, my wife, mine alone...We were always meant to be together, we were made for each other, you know that as surely as I do!"
"Ben, we can't do this," Felicity panted, clasping his face, astonished at her own words, for she too had been very eager for more of his affections. But reality lingered heavily, and the reality was that she was not ready to forgive him no matter how good his touching and kissing made her feel, the sensations he invoked driving her mad with want, and a certain something else just came to mind that he had to know right away, before things got any more carried away.