Title: Picking Up the Pieces Chapter 25
Author: Dawn
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it and boy do I miss it.
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first and keep my name attached.
Author's Note: Okay, I have been thoroughly threatened by at least five people so here is the next chapter. Thanks to all who threatened nicely.
Also, this chapter is going to get a little R rated. I don't get this whole rating thing so I don't know how far I'm allowed to go but I guess I'll find out if I get an e-mail telling me to tone it down. I also said that I never said that Dawn and Spike were going to have sex in this story. Well, now I'm telling you they might so if you don't like it, don't read it. You have been warned. Normally I myself would object but she'd older now and it's life or death so you do things you normally wouldn't. And remember folks Buffy had sex with Angel on her 17th birthday so technically she could have still been 16 when it happened. Okay, maybe that's stretching it. Anyway, hope you enjoy.
Also, I have no beta so please forgive any mistakes. I was writing fast to keep the mob away.
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Spike stayed true to his word. He had told Dawn that he would not force her into anything that she wasn't ready for. But being the vampire he was, when she did initiate anything physical he took it as far as she'd let him, which wasn't nearly far enough in his opinion.
She slept in his bed every night, the operative word being slept. He would stay with her until she drifted off and then he would patrol, taking out his frustration on the demons. He was never gone too long or too far from the apartment because of her nightmares. He could practically set his watch by them if he'd had one. There was at least one a night, sometimes two or three. She would start to struggle in her sleep and then the screaming and crying would start. He would rush in and with a few soothing words and caresses she would fall back into oblivion.
Buffy hadn't insisted that Dawn come home, as the girl had feared she would. Dawn would usually go to school and then home to spend time with her sister but at night she always showed up at Spike's door. Buffy didn't want to deny Spike the time he spent with her if Dawn was indeed going to die. She could barely even think about it without bursting into tears or having a panic attack.
The Scooby gang was in overdrive. Almost every waking moment was spent at the round table in the Magic Box pouring over old books and manuscripts but they were little help. The Key was so ancient there had been barely anything written about it and what had made it to the page was so old that it was lost or falling apart. Even the Watcher's Council was at a dead end. They insisted everything they could find on the Key had been given to Buffy to help her in her fight against Glorificus.
Meanwhile, everyone tried to treat Dawn as if everything were perfectly normal. Xander still told her corny jokes and tried to tickle her every time he caught her off guard. Willow and Tara helped with homework and talked girl talk. But all the attention had become so abnormal since Buffy's resurrection that it only pointed out the oddness of the situation. None of them seemed to realize that she wasn't the same person she had been before Buffy's death. They wanted to keep her in that sweet, innocent little girl shell and that wasn't her anymore. She felt so old and used up sometimes, fifteen going on forty.
She appreciated all their efforts though. She could see the strain on their faces from the long hours spent researching books with no answers and spells with no power to save her. She could hear the low, angry discussions between Buffy and Giles or even Spike.
Oh yes, Spike was in on this Scooby endeavor. He pretty much just paced around aggravating everyone with his rants about how they weren't doing enough. Most nights, Dawn would wind up dragging him into the training room. Spike had started her self-defense training on Monday night.
Spike was impressed with how quickly Dawn picked everything up. He'd planned to go easy on her even though all traces of what had happened to her were gone. However, she'd come at him with everything she had so he'd been forced to ditch that idea. Her instincts and movements were very different from Buffy but after the first night he adjusted and learned where her weak spots were so he could strengthen them. By Wednesday she could pin him. Sometimes Buffy and Giles would come in to watch but they never interfered.
More than getting Spike out of the room though, Dawn just wanted to be away from the constant looks of pity everyone was tossing her way. Spike, once again, was the only one who didn't treat her any differently. If he was upset, and she knew that he was, he never showed it around her. She knew he took it out on the demons he killed at night on patrol. He'd come home with bruises and broken skin on his knuckles. She'd tried to ask about it once but he'd simply shaken his head. She hadn't brought it up again. At home, he was the same old Spike, snarking at commercials, mixing his blood with whatever human food he had around the house and making her happier than she'd ever been.
Thursday night, the two of them sat shoulder to shoulder on a training mat, leaning against the wall after a brutal session. She ached all over and was certain there were visible bruises but she felt more alive than ever before. She was sipping on bottled water every now and then passing it to Spike even though he didn't need it.
They were talking quietly, their heads close together, his hand tracing up and down her bare arm. She knew fighting got Spike, well, horny for lack of a better word and usually after training he was highly touchy. Never anything uncomfortable but just enough to let her know she was desired and he was ready for her to tell him when. She didn't know what was stopping her now.
They were alone every night in his bed. Any night she knew she could have turned to him and he would have made love to her. She figured the only real thing stopping her now was the gut-wrenching fear of the act itself. She had very limited knowledge of physical intimacy. All she knew she'd learned from him and it had been amazing so far. She was certain she was making a big deal out of nothing. Spike would be gentle with her and he'd never make her feel awkward or ignorant. She figured that once they started, instinct would take over. At least she hoped so. His patience with her was amazing. He was so impatient about everything else that the restraint he showed in this was remarkable. She shook her head to clear her thoughts. Her death was imminent and she was worried about sex. Well, there were priorities in life. She nearly laughed at the thought.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"They're not gonna find anything. I don't know why they keep looking." Dawn said off-handed. Spike fingers stilled against her arm.
"Because they love you and they don't want to lose you. They don't want anything to happen to you and feel as if they didn't do everything in their power to save you." He explained. He didn't understand her sudden pessimism. She had been pretty up even with all this hanging over her head.
"God, I know that." She pushed her hands through her hair, loosing it from the ponytail it had been in for training. It fell softly over her shoulders and brushed against Spike's skin causing him to shiver. "It's just so pointless." She stood quickly and started to pace. He didn't move to comfort her. She needed space even though watching her was making him dizzy.
"Where's all this comin' from, pet?" He asked casually. She continued to pace madly.
"I just wish it would happen already! I'm sick of waiting, not knowing from one minute to the next if I'm still gonna be breathing!" She said loudly. Spike pushed himself off the floor in one fluid motion and went to her. He grabbed her arm to stop the frantic movement. She turned and looked up at him with a stricken expression.
"Be careful what you wish for, luv." He said roughly. She sighed and let her head fall forward against his chest. His hand found it's way to her hair and he stroked it gently. He didn't try to hold her. She felt caged as it was. He knew how much it hurt her every time a solution was brought up and then discarded.
Each Scooby had offered an excited suggestion and everyone would get their little Scooby hopes up and then BAM! There would be some reason why it couldn't be done. Usually it involved the possibility of Dawn dying.
They had discussed transferring the energy into something else but Tara had said the process would be about like what had happened to her previously. They had pondered binding the energy to her so that it could not escape but Willow feared that if it even tried to get out again and couldn't, it might still kill Dawn.
The whole crux of it was no one really knew what it was inside of her. They knew it could be used to open dimensional portals, but that was about it. And even with everything they'd read about it, it was still pretty vague. Powerful energy, opens portals, can be seen by crazy people. The usual.
Dawn moved away from Spike and went to stand in the doorway that led back into the shop. No one noticed she was there. Spike came to stand behind her and took in the scene before him.
Willow and Tara were standing by a table filled with powders and herbs and strange magical stuff he didn't understand the uses for. They were talking quietly although Willow remained animated as always, gesturing with her hands and showing every emotion in her expressive face. Tara just smiled slightly up at her.
Xander had given up pretending to read and had picked up a comic book instead. His future bride was standing at the counter going through the receipts for the day. Giles was helping or at least appearing to do so. Buffy was staring down at an open book on the table with half-closed eyelids. All of these people would take Dawn's place in a second if they could. Spike had no doubts about that. But the ability to save her was obviously beyond the grasp of any of them.
"I should just go away. Pack up my stuff and go somewhere to wait for this to happen. It would be easier for them."
"How's that, pet? Then they would all be worried about where you were and if you were safe. They'd wear themselves out just trying to find you. Get that notion right out of your head, pigeon."
She could hear the extreme seriousness of his words in his voice. He wasn't just telling her it was a bad idea, he was saying that she would 'not' do it. She should probably be angry with him for trying to tell her what to do but she was too tired to care and she knew he was only saying it because he didn't want her to leave him.
She sighed heavily and leaned back against him.
"When I look out at them it's as if I'm looking at a picture I don't belong in. I'm not even supposed to be here. Those stupid monks should never have made me." Her voice broke and she swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. Spike's arms came around to hold her from behind.
"You do belong. You certainly belong here more than I do. If you hadn't come along.." His voice trailed off leaving her to fill in the blanks. And even before her mind began to churn with what he meant, she knew she wasn't thinking the same as him.
All she could think is that if she hadn't come along Buffy wouldn't have had to die and Spike wouldn't have had to feel the weight of the guilt at failing them and he might never have fallen in love with Buffy and been hurt so badly by her. And of course, all the Scoobies would not have had to endure her sister's death as well. No, she could not see the good her existence had caused. And it only made her feel more separated from them.
She pulled herself out of his grasp and turned back to the training room.
"I gotta get outta here." She said hastily and grabbing her backpack stuffed with weapons, she headed out the back door and into the alley. Spike picked up his duster and shrugged into it as he followed her.
He expected her to head towards the apartment but instead was surprised when she entered the gates of one of Sunnydale's twelve cemeteries. She was walking with purpose and he noticed she was clutching a stake in her right hand.
She was about to beat the hell out of something so he hung back to make sure it wasn't him.
It was almost comical. The first vamp seemed to be waiting for her, crouching behind an overly large tombstone. He was new, still had dirt all over his nice suit. And of course, as Spike well remembered, the blood lust was unbearable when you first woke up. You would attack anything that had blood in it. Unfortunately for this guy, it was Slayer Jr.
She knew he was there. Her gut was already tingling. He came at her with arms extended in a parody of a mummy or brain-eating zombie. Spike shook his head in embarrassment. It was over in seconds. She side stepped his clumsy advance and staked him through the back. The vampire looked up and caught Spike's eye. He seemed confused and then he exploded into dust.
"Well, that was just pathetic." Dawn said irritably. She continued on, navigating through the rows of gray and white marble looking for something to kill or at least hit. She came to an abrupt halt and Spike nearly ran into her. He moved beside her to see what it was that had stopped her.
His crypt. God, he'd almost forgotten about it. The door was closed and a weak light flickered from inside.
"Someone lives here now?" She asked quietly.
"Yeah, Clem moved in after I left. I gave him all the furniture and the TV when I found out my new place came furnished."
"I kind of miss this place, you know?"
Spike nodded his understanding. This was the place she had run to when she was scared or alone. They had spent many nights after Buffy's death sitting in his chair watching old movies and crying silently so the other wouldn't hear. Of course, the other always knew but never admitted it unless comfort was sought. It was just enough to be together in misery.
"I'm done. Can we go home now?" She asked. He flung his arm around her and they headed toward the apartment.
When they arrived, she went straight to bed and Spike went straight to Buffy. He had been worried about Dawn's emotional state since this whole thing had started but now it had gone up a notch. She wasn't herself and at this point that was frightening especially after her suggestion tonight that she should just leave town. He had to talk to Buffy.
When he got to Rovello Drive the only light on in the house was in the Slayer's bedroom. He took the familiar route up the tree and tapped lightly on the glass. Buffy's hazel eyes appeared in front of him and she raised the window quickly.
"Is she all right?" She asked worriedly, stepping back to let him into the room.
"She's fine, Slayer, calm down. I just came by to have a chat about what's going on in her head." He heard her let out a sigh of relief and then she collapsed onto her bed putting her face into her hands.
"I can't take this, Spike. Every minute not knowing if it's her last and no hope of stopping it in sight."
"Triple that and you've got how your sister feels." He stated to remind the depressed woman that there were other people in this too. He folded himself into the overstuffed chair beside her bed. Buffy lifted her face and that's when Spike saw the red, puffy eyes and tear tracks down her pale face.
"We have nothing, Spike. Giles and Willow and Tara and everybody, we can't find a damn thing on how to stop this. My little sister is being threatened again and I can't stop it. And this time I can't take her place even if I wanted to. I feel so helpless. What's the point of having all this power if I can't save the people I love?" She was looking at him as if he had the answers to all the questions she'd just asked.
Her question suddenly made him angry. Once again, it was all about Buffy. And the more he thought about it, the more the anger became rage. He sat forward and glared at her.
"Don't you think I feel the same? Even if something were to happen to Dawn, you still have all your friends and the Watcher. I have nothing, Buffy. Without Dawn, I have nothing." He said fervently, the blue fire of his eyes burning into her. She was stunned at the passion of his words. She had been so caught up in what this was doing to her that she hadn't seen that Spike was falling apart inside. She moved off the bed and knelt in front of him, grasping his hands in hers.
"But you will, Spike. You'll still have me, even if it's not the way you first wanted, I will always be here for you. If anything happens to Dawn we might be the only ones who can get each other through that."
He just stared at her as she'd grown another head. Of all the selfish and self-righteous speeches he'd ever heard her give, this one took the cake. And the thing that got him the most was that she actually believed what she was saying.
Spike let go of her and stood quickly, nearly knocking Buffy to the floor. He strode to the window and turned, his duster flaring out behind him.
"If anything happens to Dawn, I don't want to get through it. I'm done with all of it. If the world and the Powers that Be see fit to take her away from me then they can take me too. I'm tired of losing the women I love." And then he was gone, so fast that all she'd had time to do was blink at his last words. An ache started in the center of her chest and bloomed outward. He was in love with Dawn.
************************************* The farther from the house he got the less his anger burned. He slowed to a walk and finally stopped altogether. He realized that Buffy had probably been sincere in her statement that she would always be there for him but the fact that she would say it now...he just didn't get women. If she had only let him, Spike could have been everything Buffy ever wanted or needed in a man. Okay, a vampire, but still. He could have made her genuinely happy if she'd only let him. But she had chosen not to. So he had picked up the pieces of himself that she had so carelessly thrown aside and gotten on with his life, even finding someone whom he loved dearly and who loved him in return. Now she wanted him to know that after she'd said she never wanted anything else to do with 'an evil, disgusting thing' that she would always be there for him. Was that her big 'Can't we be friends?' speech or was there something more underneath it?
Spike was generally not very trusting but he could not imagine that Buffy would try to move in on him during his grief if Dawn were to die. He knew she had broached the subject of still wanting him and maybe starting over but it was too late for that now. He'd found the real thing and would accept no substitutes. Even if Dawn were to die he would never be able to have anything with Buffy. The pain was just too deep. And he wasn't a creature of forgiveness. He could tell her it was okay but he would never forget it and he wasn't about to walk into it again.
When he got home, Dawn was on the couch with ice cream and a hard look.
"Where were you? I woke up and you were gone. Are you okay?" She laid the container on the coffee table and came over to the door. She grabbed his hands and inspected them, only satisfied when she saw no blood or broken skin. His withered heart filled to bursting with love for this girl. Her death was imminent and she was worried that he'd scraped his hand while fighting. He grabbed her suddenly and pulled her to him. She gave a surprised squeak and then returned the embrace. He held her for several minutes before she started to squirm.
"Are you okay?" She said into his coat. He chuckled and rubbed her back lightly.
"I am now, luv. I am now." He let her pull back and then he framed her face with his hands and crushed his mouth to hers. As normal for Dawn, the room started spinning and then faded away completely. Whenever he touched her, there was nothing in the world at all but him. Her hands slipped inside his coat to grip his waist as he pulled at her mouth over and over like a man dying of thirst.
Her lips were cold from the ice cream and the sweet taste of it still lingered on her tongue. Time and again he tasted her as if it were the last he would ever be able to kiss her. He finally tore his mouth from hers and searched her face memorizing it.
"Happy Birthday, luv."
She smiled slowly and glanced back at the green glowing numbers on the VCR. It was five minutes after midnight. She turned back to him still grinning.
"Best birthday present I've ever had."
"Oh, it's about to get better." He knew he had promised but he wasn't good at waiting and if at any point she told him to stop he would but he had to have her tonight. He didn't want her to be gone never knowing the passion she stirred in him or how good he could make her feel. He swung her up in his arms and she didn't protest. Maybe this was what she'd been waiting for. If felt like the right time somehow. She curled her arms about his neck and laid her head against his shoulder.
He took her into the bedroom, which was dimly lit by the light from a small lamp on the nightstand. The room glowed with a soft peach color and everything seemed so surreal to Dawn now.
Spike let his duster fall to the floor and kicked his boots into the corner. Dawn rose to her knees as he approached the bed and reached out to touch his face. Her fingers caressed the hollow of his sharp cheekbones and trailed across his full lips.
"Before anything happens, so I can't be accused of saying this after the sex, I love you." Her face flushed with color and he could see that she was waiting for him to deny that he felt the same and he was sorry. To tell her that he cared for her but that he could never feel for her as he had for anyone else before her. Those words never came.
Spike froze. He knew that she loved him. She showed him every day and in everything she did for him but to actually hear the words from her..it was overwhelming. All his life he had wanted one thing above all else, to be loved. And here was this person, kneeling in front of him telling him from her heart that she truly did love him. It didn't matter that he was a vampire. It didn't matter that he had no soul. She did not for a moment believe that he could not feel. His past meant nothing to her even though she knew what he had done. She knew everything about him, all of his mistakes, all of his sins and she loved him in spite of it, maybe a little because of it. It was almost impossible for him to wrap his mind around. There had always been conditions in the past to be loved. His mother loved him when he was good, Dru loved him when he was bad and Buffy had said she could only love him if he had a soul.
Dawn had put no restrictions on the love she offered him. He could just be him and it was enough. He was going to turn into a complete pansy now. He could feel tears prickling behind his eyes. He reached up to take her small hand in his.
"I love you so much," he whispered raggedly. His arms snaked around her waist and he pulled her flush against him. Their lips met in a fierce kiss, each trying to convince the other of what they had just revealed.
Urgency took over inside of her and she had to touch his bare skin. Just the fact that she could almost caused a meltdown in her brain. Not breaking the kiss they were currently involved in, her fingers crept down and searched for the hem of his T-shirt. She found it and started to pull it up slowly until she had to break contact just to get it over his head. He lifted his arms and let her remove it and it was carelessly tossed to the floor and immediately forgotten. There were too many other pieces in the way. Her hands had a mind of their own now, roaming over the hard planes of his chest and the ridges of his abs. He felt like cool marble. She'd always wanted to see Michelangelo's David but now she knew she had it under her fingers. She met his heated gaze when she felt him shiver at her touch. The blue in them had once again been replaced by the near black they became when he was aroused. There were also little flecks of gold as the demon tried to take over. But she knew that Spike would never allow that. Was it wrong to be flattered by it?
He seemed to be letting her lead. He didn't try to undress her and just let her explore to her heart's content. Her now shaking fingers went to the buckle of his belt. She hesitated and then undid it and pulled. It hissed slowly through the loops of his jeans and clinked when it hit the floor. She was already focused on the buttons. She popped them open and when she got to the last one she looked up at him wickedly. She knew he wore nothing under them.
She eased the denim over his lean hips and it pooled around his feet. She just stared at him. She'd often heard from TV and from some of her girlfriends that guys had ugly bodies. None of them had seen Spike apparently. She could honestly not think of anything she'd ever seen that was as beautiful as he was naked. She reached out and took him in her hand. His head fell forward and he groaned softly. She knew it was torture for him not to touch her but he didn't want to frighten her.
"Spike," she whispered. His eyes met hers and he could see the need in them.
"Please, touch me."
She didn't have to ask twice. His hands went immediately for the thin shirt she wore. There was no bra underneath. Her skin was slightly darker than his own from her time in the sun but she wasn't one who tanned easily. It was the color of heavy cream and soft as silk under his touch. He took the waistband of her sleep shorts and pushed them down along with her underwear. Eventually they were both exposed to the other one completely.
For several minutes they did nothing but look, taking in every inch of each other's body at a glance. Finally Spike couldn't stand not touching her anymore. He moved toward her and inched onto the mattress putting one arm behind her back to ease her down onto the bed. His lips found hers again and they started to kiss softly as if they had all the time in the world and the night would last interminably. His other hand traced her from shoulder to hip, just fingertips grazing over supple flesh sending shudders all over her body.
How could she have ever been afraid of this? She could not even begin to describe the feel of his body against hers. It was sending frissions of heat through every part of her until she thought she'd explode from the pleasure of it. To have someone touching her as if she were the most precious thing in all the world brought her to the point of emotional breakdown.
It didn't take long for Spike's exploring fingers to find the heart of her and shatter her reality into a million sparkling pieces.
And then, with a moment of hesitance, Spike met her gaze to be reassured that she was ready for what was about to happen. With a slight nod of her head he eased himself into her and the pain was almost immediately overshadowed by the immense feeling of being completely and utterly filled.
"Oh my God," she whispered against his neck as he slowly began to move. It had been such a wait for both of them that it didn't take long before they were moving fiercely against each other straining for release. Dawn licked at the vein in Spike's neck and when the pressure building inside of her became too much she bit down hard. Spike shouted and together they fell over the edge and into the oblivion beyond.
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She wasn't sure what time it was when she finally woke up, only that her whole body ached, but in a good way. Spike was wrapped around her like clinging vine and she couldn't move so she laid her head back down on her pillow and just watched him sleep. He looked so young when he wasn't awake and trying to convince everyone how 'bad' he was. His hair was sleep tousled and curling, which she knew he hated. The worries and hardness of a hundred years had slipped from his face and it appeared smooth and soft in the light cast by the lamp. Her heart was full to bursting with the feelings he caused in her. She would give anything to be with him and keep him by her side forever. She wished they could just lay here in each other's arms and forget that there was a world outside the bedroom door.
She couldn't believe the things he'd shown her and the many times he'd brought her pleasure the night before. Now she knew her sister was crazy. Any girl who would knowingly and willingly give that up had to be mentally unsound. But she had not been idle either, nor selfish. She was a quick learner and had returned the favor as he directed her with his moans and shouts.
She sighed in contentment and closed her eyes again.
The second time she woke up she was met with Spike's worried gaze.
"Are you all right?" He asked.
She laughed lightly and put her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her, kissing him squarely on the mouth. She let him go and smiled up at him.
"I can honestly say that I have never felt better in my entire life."
His face lit up and he began to kiss her in earnest. They didn't leave the bedroom for several more hours.
She finally escaped long enough to take a shower. After she dressed in her own room, she wandered into the kitchen to the wonderful smells of frying bacon and scrambled eggs. She poured herself a large glass of orange juice and sat down at the island in the center of the kitchen, watching Spike be domestic. At times, she could almost swear he was human. He was stirring the eggs around with a fork in the frying pan and humming to some unknown tune in his head while dancing around on the balls of his feet. She hid her smile behind the glass of OJ.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door and both of them froze. They looked at each other in fear and then confusion. Who on earth would be knocking on Spike's door? Dawn got up and headed into the den. She peered through the peephole and was surprised to see the entire Scooby gang staring back at her. She opened the door and was nearly trampled by six people calling out Happy Birthday and singing loudly. She caught Spike's eye and shrugged at the look of absolute fury on his face. These people had violated his sanctuary and without his permission.
"Happy Birthday, Dawnie! The big sixteen! Want me to teach you how to drive?" Willow asked with excitement, grabbing the younger girls hands and bouncing up and down like a Cocker Spaniel puppy. Dawn just laughed as she was pulled to Xander next who gave her a big hug and then on to Giles and Buffy. Anya didn't do hugging with anyone except Xander so she patted Dawn awkwardly on the shoulder.
"What are you guys doing here?" Dawn asked when everyone had gotten their say and had settled down a little. She couldn't help but be nervous considering what she and Spike had been doing only an hour before and she wondered if Buffy could somehow tell that her little sister wasn't a virgin anymore. Dawn kept throwing furtive glances at her but Buffy seemed normal so she tried to relax. She supposed the one she should be worried about was Anya who seemed to have an uncanny ability to tell when someone had just had sex.
"We just wanted to be the first ones to say it and we're going to spend the whole day doing whatever you want." Tara said softly. Dawn could not stop the blush that spread into her cheeks or keep her eyes from finding Spike's.
He had a Cheshire grin on his face and was leaning casually against the wall knowing every thought that was running through her naughty little mind. She knew what she wanted to do all day and none of it involved the six people staring at her with expectant looks on their faces. And he had already told her Happy Birthday in the most extraordinary way.
"Wow. That's great you guys. Thank you so much." She didn't know how to bow out gracefully and they looked so happy at what they had proposed.
"So, let me finish getting ready and we can go." She said with false brightness. She got to her room before she let the smile slide from her face and she rubbed her sore cheeks. She nearly screamed when she turned and ran into Spike.
"Would you stop doing that?" She hissed. He shut the door and backed her into the wall to her right. Her hands rested against his hard chest as he leaned in to kiss her. After several minutes he finally let her breathe.
"Stay with me." He said against her brow as he dotted kissed there. Her body was already responding to his nearness and fevered request.
"You have no idea how much I want to but you saw them. How can I say no to that?" She asked, gesturing towards the den.
Spike hung his head but did not release her. He knew that whatever they had planned it did not involve him and even if he found a way to join them, he didn't want to share Dawn's time with anyone. The things he wanted to fill her time with would probably shock and mortify several of the occupants in his apartment. And he was pretty sure that if the Whelp knew what had already happened between him and Dawn he would try to kill Spike. Of this, the vampire was certain.
"Listen, it can't take too long. They'll get bored after a couple of hours and I'll be back. If not, then I know they have a surprise party planned at the Bronze tonight and I want you there whether they tell you about it or not. Okay?" She asked.
He stood up and released her from the wall.
"Okay."
"That's it? No 'Hell no you're not going with them and if they try to take you I'll rip 'em apart'?" She asked with mock indignation. That at least earned her a small grin. He left her alone to finish getting ready. Buffy was coming down the hall as he was shutting Dawn's door.
"Hey," she greeted him softly. They stood for several moments in uncomfortable silence.
"Listen, I just wanted to say that however you took what I said last night, I didn't mean..."
He didn't let her finish.
"It's okay, Slayer. I got halfway home and felt like a prat for overreacting. It's just a touchy subject."
She nodded and again there was silence.
"Ok, well we're having a surprise party for Dawn at the Bronze tonight and I know she'll want you to be there." When she realized the way that sounded she hurried to correct herself. "And the rest of us want you there too."
Spike couldn't help but give a short bark of laughter.
"Yeah, you never were a good liar, Slayer." He passed her and walked into the den.
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By five o'clock Dawn was exhausted. They had taken her to the mall and each of them had bought her something they thought she wanted. Buffy had paid for a salon to cut and style her hair and do a manicure. Xander, even though Dawn had protested loudly, had bought her a teddy bear. Willow got her a pair of jeans that Dawn had expressed a passing interest in and Tara had given her a beautiful crystal that was supposed to protect its owner. Giles had bought her a CD of Celtic music, which Dawn had just gotten into. Everyone got her something except for Anya who insisted that since she and Xander were a couple they were only obliged to buy one present. Then they took her to a movie and in the middle of all of it they went to lunch. She didn't want to say anything but it was major overkill. She could not remember once in her imaginary or real life all of them doing stuff together especially with Giles tagging along. He tried to feign interest but he was hopeless.
They never took her back to Spike's apartment. They kept her with them all day long and deposited her and Buffy back at the Summer's residence to get ready for the 'surprise party'. The minute she got to her room she picked up the phone and dialed Spike's number.
There was no answer. She couldn't help the disappointment that flooded her when his voice never came on the other end. She hoped he wasn't upset with her. She sighed and went to take a shower. After drying off and wrapping the towel firmly around her she went back to her room and flipped on the light. She gasped at the scene before her. The whole room was filled with flowers and not flowers in vases but flowers covering every surface of her room. There were lilies and tulips and thornless roses (at least she hoped so), daffodils, and twenty others she didn't know the names for and in the middle of her bed was the most beautiful dress she'd every seen. Midnight blue satin, it was tailored to hug her body and the back was scooped to expose the creamy skin there. Satin heels the same color sat on the floor and in a small box next to the dress there was a dark sapphire anklet.
She heard sharp intake of breath from behind her and turned to see Buffy's astonished face.
"My God, who did all this?" But then she realized what a ridiculous question that was. Spike, of course. Dawn knew her next question would be where he got the money for all this stuff.
"Where on earth did he get the money to do this?"
Bingo. She knew her big sister very well.
"Who cares? It's mine now." Dawn answered defiantly. Buffy moved into the room, flower petals sticking to the bottom of her bare feet and picked up the dress from the bed. The satin slid like milk between her fingers and she couldn't help the jealousy that threatened to spill out in a harsh comment to her sister. She bit her tongue so hard it brought tears to her eyes.
"It's beautiful, Dawnie. You're very lucky." Her voice sounded strange even to her. It's as if she weren't the one talking at all.
Dawn stood behind her sister and tried to quell the rage at Buffy's words. Very lucky? A few months ago it could have been her room overflowing with flowers if she'd only shown just a little hint of compassion to the heartbroken vampire.
"We'd better hurry or we're gonna be late." Buffy got out, throwing the dress carelessly on top of the comforter and walking quickly passed Dawn and down the hall where the slamming of her door shook the house.
Great. Now Buffy was pissed at her for no reason that was her fault. She let out huff of frustration and closed the door to get ready.
TBC
Author: Dawn
Summary: Spike finds something to live for when he thinks that there is nothing left. S/D Takes place after "As You Were". AU after that.
Spoilers: Anything before "As You Were" is fair game.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Joss still owns it and boy do I miss it.
Distribution: Anywhere but please ask first and keep my name attached.
Author's Note: Okay, I have been thoroughly threatened by at least five people so here is the next chapter. Thanks to all who threatened nicely.
Also, this chapter is going to get a little R rated. I don't get this whole rating thing so I don't know how far I'm allowed to go but I guess I'll find out if I get an e-mail telling me to tone it down. I also said that I never said that Dawn and Spike were going to have sex in this story. Well, now I'm telling you they might so if you don't like it, don't read it. You have been warned. Normally I myself would object but she'd older now and it's life or death so you do things you normally wouldn't. And remember folks Buffy had sex with Angel on her 17th birthday so technically she could have still been 16 when it happened. Okay, maybe that's stretching it. Anyway, hope you enjoy.
Also, I have no beta so please forgive any mistakes. I was writing fast to keep the mob away.
***************************************
Spike stayed true to his word. He had told Dawn that he would not force her into anything that she wasn't ready for. But being the vampire he was, when she did initiate anything physical he took it as far as she'd let him, which wasn't nearly far enough in his opinion.
She slept in his bed every night, the operative word being slept. He would stay with her until she drifted off and then he would patrol, taking out his frustration on the demons. He was never gone too long or too far from the apartment because of her nightmares. He could practically set his watch by them if he'd had one. There was at least one a night, sometimes two or three. She would start to struggle in her sleep and then the screaming and crying would start. He would rush in and with a few soothing words and caresses she would fall back into oblivion.
Buffy hadn't insisted that Dawn come home, as the girl had feared she would. Dawn would usually go to school and then home to spend time with her sister but at night she always showed up at Spike's door. Buffy didn't want to deny Spike the time he spent with her if Dawn was indeed going to die. She could barely even think about it without bursting into tears or having a panic attack.
The Scooby gang was in overdrive. Almost every waking moment was spent at the round table in the Magic Box pouring over old books and manuscripts but they were little help. The Key was so ancient there had been barely anything written about it and what had made it to the page was so old that it was lost or falling apart. Even the Watcher's Council was at a dead end. They insisted everything they could find on the Key had been given to Buffy to help her in her fight against Glorificus.
Meanwhile, everyone tried to treat Dawn as if everything were perfectly normal. Xander still told her corny jokes and tried to tickle her every time he caught her off guard. Willow and Tara helped with homework and talked girl talk. But all the attention had become so abnormal since Buffy's resurrection that it only pointed out the oddness of the situation. None of them seemed to realize that she wasn't the same person she had been before Buffy's death. They wanted to keep her in that sweet, innocent little girl shell and that wasn't her anymore. She felt so old and used up sometimes, fifteen going on forty.
She appreciated all their efforts though. She could see the strain on their faces from the long hours spent researching books with no answers and spells with no power to save her. She could hear the low, angry discussions between Buffy and Giles or even Spike.
Oh yes, Spike was in on this Scooby endeavor. He pretty much just paced around aggravating everyone with his rants about how they weren't doing enough. Most nights, Dawn would wind up dragging him into the training room. Spike had started her self-defense training on Monday night.
Spike was impressed with how quickly Dawn picked everything up. He'd planned to go easy on her even though all traces of what had happened to her were gone. However, she'd come at him with everything she had so he'd been forced to ditch that idea. Her instincts and movements were very different from Buffy but after the first night he adjusted and learned where her weak spots were so he could strengthen them. By Wednesday she could pin him. Sometimes Buffy and Giles would come in to watch but they never interfered.
More than getting Spike out of the room though, Dawn just wanted to be away from the constant looks of pity everyone was tossing her way. Spike, once again, was the only one who didn't treat her any differently. If he was upset, and she knew that he was, he never showed it around her. She knew he took it out on the demons he killed at night on patrol. He'd come home with bruises and broken skin on his knuckles. She'd tried to ask about it once but he'd simply shaken his head. She hadn't brought it up again. At home, he was the same old Spike, snarking at commercials, mixing his blood with whatever human food he had around the house and making her happier than she'd ever been.
Thursday night, the two of them sat shoulder to shoulder on a training mat, leaning against the wall after a brutal session. She ached all over and was certain there were visible bruises but she felt more alive than ever before. She was sipping on bottled water every now and then passing it to Spike even though he didn't need it.
They were talking quietly, their heads close together, his hand tracing up and down her bare arm. She knew fighting got Spike, well, horny for lack of a better word and usually after training he was highly touchy. Never anything uncomfortable but just enough to let her know she was desired and he was ready for her to tell him when. She didn't know what was stopping her now.
They were alone every night in his bed. Any night she knew she could have turned to him and he would have made love to her. She figured the only real thing stopping her now was the gut-wrenching fear of the act itself. She had very limited knowledge of physical intimacy. All she knew she'd learned from him and it had been amazing so far. She was certain she was making a big deal out of nothing. Spike would be gentle with her and he'd never make her feel awkward or ignorant. She figured that once they started, instinct would take over. At least she hoped so. His patience with her was amazing. He was so impatient about everything else that the restraint he showed in this was remarkable. She shook her head to clear her thoughts. Her death was imminent and she was worried about sex. Well, there were priorities in life. She nearly laughed at the thought.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"They're not gonna find anything. I don't know why they keep looking." Dawn said off-handed. Spike fingers stilled against her arm.
"Because they love you and they don't want to lose you. They don't want anything to happen to you and feel as if they didn't do everything in their power to save you." He explained. He didn't understand her sudden pessimism. She had been pretty up even with all this hanging over her head.
"God, I know that." She pushed her hands through her hair, loosing it from the ponytail it had been in for training. It fell softly over her shoulders and brushed against Spike's skin causing him to shiver. "It's just so pointless." She stood quickly and started to pace. He didn't move to comfort her. She needed space even though watching her was making him dizzy.
"Where's all this comin' from, pet?" He asked casually. She continued to pace madly.
"I just wish it would happen already! I'm sick of waiting, not knowing from one minute to the next if I'm still gonna be breathing!" She said loudly. Spike pushed himself off the floor in one fluid motion and went to her. He grabbed her arm to stop the frantic movement. She turned and looked up at him with a stricken expression.
"Be careful what you wish for, luv." He said roughly. She sighed and let her head fall forward against his chest. His hand found it's way to her hair and he stroked it gently. He didn't try to hold her. She felt caged as it was. He knew how much it hurt her every time a solution was brought up and then discarded.
Each Scooby had offered an excited suggestion and everyone would get their little Scooby hopes up and then BAM! There would be some reason why it couldn't be done. Usually it involved the possibility of Dawn dying.
They had discussed transferring the energy into something else but Tara had said the process would be about like what had happened to her previously. They had pondered binding the energy to her so that it could not escape but Willow feared that if it even tried to get out again and couldn't, it might still kill Dawn.
The whole crux of it was no one really knew what it was inside of her. They knew it could be used to open dimensional portals, but that was about it. And even with everything they'd read about it, it was still pretty vague. Powerful energy, opens portals, can be seen by crazy people. The usual.
Dawn moved away from Spike and went to stand in the doorway that led back into the shop. No one noticed she was there. Spike came to stand behind her and took in the scene before him.
Willow and Tara were standing by a table filled with powders and herbs and strange magical stuff he didn't understand the uses for. They were talking quietly although Willow remained animated as always, gesturing with her hands and showing every emotion in her expressive face. Tara just smiled slightly up at her.
Xander had given up pretending to read and had picked up a comic book instead. His future bride was standing at the counter going through the receipts for the day. Giles was helping or at least appearing to do so. Buffy was staring down at an open book on the table with half-closed eyelids. All of these people would take Dawn's place in a second if they could. Spike had no doubts about that. But the ability to save her was obviously beyond the grasp of any of them.
"I should just go away. Pack up my stuff and go somewhere to wait for this to happen. It would be easier for them."
"How's that, pet? Then they would all be worried about where you were and if you were safe. They'd wear themselves out just trying to find you. Get that notion right out of your head, pigeon."
She could hear the extreme seriousness of his words in his voice. He wasn't just telling her it was a bad idea, he was saying that she would 'not' do it. She should probably be angry with him for trying to tell her what to do but she was too tired to care and she knew he was only saying it because he didn't want her to leave him.
She sighed heavily and leaned back against him.
"When I look out at them it's as if I'm looking at a picture I don't belong in. I'm not even supposed to be here. Those stupid monks should never have made me." Her voice broke and she swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. Spike's arms came around to hold her from behind.
"You do belong. You certainly belong here more than I do. If you hadn't come along.." His voice trailed off leaving her to fill in the blanks. And even before her mind began to churn with what he meant, she knew she wasn't thinking the same as him.
All she could think is that if she hadn't come along Buffy wouldn't have had to die and Spike wouldn't have had to feel the weight of the guilt at failing them and he might never have fallen in love with Buffy and been hurt so badly by her. And of course, all the Scoobies would not have had to endure her sister's death as well. No, she could not see the good her existence had caused. And it only made her feel more separated from them.
She pulled herself out of his grasp and turned back to the training room.
"I gotta get outta here." She said hastily and grabbing her backpack stuffed with weapons, she headed out the back door and into the alley. Spike picked up his duster and shrugged into it as he followed her.
He expected her to head towards the apartment but instead was surprised when she entered the gates of one of Sunnydale's twelve cemeteries. She was walking with purpose and he noticed she was clutching a stake in her right hand.
She was about to beat the hell out of something so he hung back to make sure it wasn't him.
It was almost comical. The first vamp seemed to be waiting for her, crouching behind an overly large tombstone. He was new, still had dirt all over his nice suit. And of course, as Spike well remembered, the blood lust was unbearable when you first woke up. You would attack anything that had blood in it. Unfortunately for this guy, it was Slayer Jr.
She knew he was there. Her gut was already tingling. He came at her with arms extended in a parody of a mummy or brain-eating zombie. Spike shook his head in embarrassment. It was over in seconds. She side stepped his clumsy advance and staked him through the back. The vampire looked up and caught Spike's eye. He seemed confused and then he exploded into dust.
"Well, that was just pathetic." Dawn said irritably. She continued on, navigating through the rows of gray and white marble looking for something to kill or at least hit. She came to an abrupt halt and Spike nearly ran into her. He moved beside her to see what it was that had stopped her.
His crypt. God, he'd almost forgotten about it. The door was closed and a weak light flickered from inside.
"Someone lives here now?" She asked quietly.
"Yeah, Clem moved in after I left. I gave him all the furniture and the TV when I found out my new place came furnished."
"I kind of miss this place, you know?"
Spike nodded his understanding. This was the place she had run to when she was scared or alone. They had spent many nights after Buffy's death sitting in his chair watching old movies and crying silently so the other wouldn't hear. Of course, the other always knew but never admitted it unless comfort was sought. It was just enough to be together in misery.
"I'm done. Can we go home now?" She asked. He flung his arm around her and they headed toward the apartment.
When they arrived, she went straight to bed and Spike went straight to Buffy. He had been worried about Dawn's emotional state since this whole thing had started but now it had gone up a notch. She wasn't herself and at this point that was frightening especially after her suggestion tonight that she should just leave town. He had to talk to Buffy.
When he got to Rovello Drive the only light on in the house was in the Slayer's bedroom. He took the familiar route up the tree and tapped lightly on the glass. Buffy's hazel eyes appeared in front of him and she raised the window quickly.
"Is she all right?" She asked worriedly, stepping back to let him into the room.
"She's fine, Slayer, calm down. I just came by to have a chat about what's going on in her head." He heard her let out a sigh of relief and then she collapsed onto her bed putting her face into her hands.
"I can't take this, Spike. Every minute not knowing if it's her last and no hope of stopping it in sight."
"Triple that and you've got how your sister feels." He stated to remind the depressed woman that there were other people in this too. He folded himself into the overstuffed chair beside her bed. Buffy lifted her face and that's when Spike saw the red, puffy eyes and tear tracks down her pale face.
"We have nothing, Spike. Giles and Willow and Tara and everybody, we can't find a damn thing on how to stop this. My little sister is being threatened again and I can't stop it. And this time I can't take her place even if I wanted to. I feel so helpless. What's the point of having all this power if I can't save the people I love?" She was looking at him as if he had the answers to all the questions she'd just asked.
Her question suddenly made him angry. Once again, it was all about Buffy. And the more he thought about it, the more the anger became rage. He sat forward and glared at her.
"Don't you think I feel the same? Even if something were to happen to Dawn, you still have all your friends and the Watcher. I have nothing, Buffy. Without Dawn, I have nothing." He said fervently, the blue fire of his eyes burning into her. She was stunned at the passion of his words. She had been so caught up in what this was doing to her that she hadn't seen that Spike was falling apart inside. She moved off the bed and knelt in front of him, grasping his hands in hers.
"But you will, Spike. You'll still have me, even if it's not the way you first wanted, I will always be here for you. If anything happens to Dawn we might be the only ones who can get each other through that."
He just stared at her as she'd grown another head. Of all the selfish and self-righteous speeches he'd ever heard her give, this one took the cake. And the thing that got him the most was that she actually believed what she was saying.
Spike let go of her and stood quickly, nearly knocking Buffy to the floor. He strode to the window and turned, his duster flaring out behind him.
"If anything happens to Dawn, I don't want to get through it. I'm done with all of it. If the world and the Powers that Be see fit to take her away from me then they can take me too. I'm tired of losing the women I love." And then he was gone, so fast that all she'd had time to do was blink at his last words. An ache started in the center of her chest and bloomed outward. He was in love with Dawn.
************************************* The farther from the house he got the less his anger burned. He slowed to a walk and finally stopped altogether. He realized that Buffy had probably been sincere in her statement that she would always be there for him but the fact that she would say it now...he just didn't get women. If she had only let him, Spike could have been everything Buffy ever wanted or needed in a man. Okay, a vampire, but still. He could have made her genuinely happy if she'd only let him. But she had chosen not to. So he had picked up the pieces of himself that she had so carelessly thrown aside and gotten on with his life, even finding someone whom he loved dearly and who loved him in return. Now she wanted him to know that after she'd said she never wanted anything else to do with 'an evil, disgusting thing' that she would always be there for him. Was that her big 'Can't we be friends?' speech or was there something more underneath it?
Spike was generally not very trusting but he could not imagine that Buffy would try to move in on him during his grief if Dawn were to die. He knew she had broached the subject of still wanting him and maybe starting over but it was too late for that now. He'd found the real thing and would accept no substitutes. Even if Dawn were to die he would never be able to have anything with Buffy. The pain was just too deep. And he wasn't a creature of forgiveness. He could tell her it was okay but he would never forget it and he wasn't about to walk into it again.
When he got home, Dawn was on the couch with ice cream and a hard look.
"Where were you? I woke up and you were gone. Are you okay?" She laid the container on the coffee table and came over to the door. She grabbed his hands and inspected them, only satisfied when she saw no blood or broken skin. His withered heart filled to bursting with love for this girl. Her death was imminent and she was worried that he'd scraped his hand while fighting. He grabbed her suddenly and pulled her to him. She gave a surprised squeak and then returned the embrace. He held her for several minutes before she started to squirm.
"Are you okay?" She said into his coat. He chuckled and rubbed her back lightly.
"I am now, luv. I am now." He let her pull back and then he framed her face with his hands and crushed his mouth to hers. As normal for Dawn, the room started spinning and then faded away completely. Whenever he touched her, there was nothing in the world at all but him. Her hands slipped inside his coat to grip his waist as he pulled at her mouth over and over like a man dying of thirst.
Her lips were cold from the ice cream and the sweet taste of it still lingered on her tongue. Time and again he tasted her as if it were the last he would ever be able to kiss her. He finally tore his mouth from hers and searched her face memorizing it.
"Happy Birthday, luv."
She smiled slowly and glanced back at the green glowing numbers on the VCR. It was five minutes after midnight. She turned back to him still grinning.
"Best birthday present I've ever had."
"Oh, it's about to get better." He knew he had promised but he wasn't good at waiting and if at any point she told him to stop he would but he had to have her tonight. He didn't want her to be gone never knowing the passion she stirred in him or how good he could make her feel. He swung her up in his arms and she didn't protest. Maybe this was what she'd been waiting for. If felt like the right time somehow. She curled her arms about his neck and laid her head against his shoulder.
He took her into the bedroom, which was dimly lit by the light from a small lamp on the nightstand. The room glowed with a soft peach color and everything seemed so surreal to Dawn now.
Spike let his duster fall to the floor and kicked his boots into the corner. Dawn rose to her knees as he approached the bed and reached out to touch his face. Her fingers caressed the hollow of his sharp cheekbones and trailed across his full lips.
"Before anything happens, so I can't be accused of saying this after the sex, I love you." Her face flushed with color and he could see that she was waiting for him to deny that he felt the same and he was sorry. To tell her that he cared for her but that he could never feel for her as he had for anyone else before her. Those words never came.
Spike froze. He knew that she loved him. She showed him every day and in everything she did for him but to actually hear the words from her..it was overwhelming. All his life he had wanted one thing above all else, to be loved. And here was this person, kneeling in front of him telling him from her heart that she truly did love him. It didn't matter that he was a vampire. It didn't matter that he had no soul. She did not for a moment believe that he could not feel. His past meant nothing to her even though she knew what he had done. She knew everything about him, all of his mistakes, all of his sins and she loved him in spite of it, maybe a little because of it. It was almost impossible for him to wrap his mind around. There had always been conditions in the past to be loved. His mother loved him when he was good, Dru loved him when he was bad and Buffy had said she could only love him if he had a soul.
Dawn had put no restrictions on the love she offered him. He could just be him and it was enough. He was going to turn into a complete pansy now. He could feel tears prickling behind his eyes. He reached up to take her small hand in his.
"I love you so much," he whispered raggedly. His arms snaked around her waist and he pulled her flush against him. Their lips met in a fierce kiss, each trying to convince the other of what they had just revealed.
Urgency took over inside of her and she had to touch his bare skin. Just the fact that she could almost caused a meltdown in her brain. Not breaking the kiss they were currently involved in, her fingers crept down and searched for the hem of his T-shirt. She found it and started to pull it up slowly until she had to break contact just to get it over his head. He lifted his arms and let her remove it and it was carelessly tossed to the floor and immediately forgotten. There were too many other pieces in the way. Her hands had a mind of their own now, roaming over the hard planes of his chest and the ridges of his abs. He felt like cool marble. She'd always wanted to see Michelangelo's David but now she knew she had it under her fingers. She met his heated gaze when she felt him shiver at her touch. The blue in them had once again been replaced by the near black they became when he was aroused. There were also little flecks of gold as the demon tried to take over. But she knew that Spike would never allow that. Was it wrong to be flattered by it?
He seemed to be letting her lead. He didn't try to undress her and just let her explore to her heart's content. Her now shaking fingers went to the buckle of his belt. She hesitated and then undid it and pulled. It hissed slowly through the loops of his jeans and clinked when it hit the floor. She was already focused on the buttons. She popped them open and when she got to the last one she looked up at him wickedly. She knew he wore nothing under them.
She eased the denim over his lean hips and it pooled around his feet. She just stared at him. She'd often heard from TV and from some of her girlfriends that guys had ugly bodies. None of them had seen Spike apparently. She could honestly not think of anything she'd ever seen that was as beautiful as he was naked. She reached out and took him in her hand. His head fell forward and he groaned softly. She knew it was torture for him not to touch her but he didn't want to frighten her.
"Spike," she whispered. His eyes met hers and he could see the need in them.
"Please, touch me."
She didn't have to ask twice. His hands went immediately for the thin shirt she wore. There was no bra underneath. Her skin was slightly darker than his own from her time in the sun but she wasn't one who tanned easily. It was the color of heavy cream and soft as silk under his touch. He took the waistband of her sleep shorts and pushed them down along with her underwear. Eventually they were both exposed to the other one completely.
For several minutes they did nothing but look, taking in every inch of each other's body at a glance. Finally Spike couldn't stand not touching her anymore. He moved toward her and inched onto the mattress putting one arm behind her back to ease her down onto the bed. His lips found hers again and they started to kiss softly as if they had all the time in the world and the night would last interminably. His other hand traced her from shoulder to hip, just fingertips grazing over supple flesh sending shudders all over her body.
How could she have ever been afraid of this? She could not even begin to describe the feel of his body against hers. It was sending frissions of heat through every part of her until she thought she'd explode from the pleasure of it. To have someone touching her as if she were the most precious thing in all the world brought her to the point of emotional breakdown.
It didn't take long for Spike's exploring fingers to find the heart of her and shatter her reality into a million sparkling pieces.
And then, with a moment of hesitance, Spike met her gaze to be reassured that she was ready for what was about to happen. With a slight nod of her head he eased himself into her and the pain was almost immediately overshadowed by the immense feeling of being completely and utterly filled.
"Oh my God," she whispered against his neck as he slowly began to move. It had been such a wait for both of them that it didn't take long before they were moving fiercely against each other straining for release. Dawn licked at the vein in Spike's neck and when the pressure building inside of her became too much she bit down hard. Spike shouted and together they fell over the edge and into the oblivion beyond.
*******************************************
She wasn't sure what time it was when she finally woke up, only that her whole body ached, but in a good way. Spike was wrapped around her like clinging vine and she couldn't move so she laid her head back down on her pillow and just watched him sleep. He looked so young when he wasn't awake and trying to convince everyone how 'bad' he was. His hair was sleep tousled and curling, which she knew he hated. The worries and hardness of a hundred years had slipped from his face and it appeared smooth and soft in the light cast by the lamp. Her heart was full to bursting with the feelings he caused in her. She would give anything to be with him and keep him by her side forever. She wished they could just lay here in each other's arms and forget that there was a world outside the bedroom door.
She couldn't believe the things he'd shown her and the many times he'd brought her pleasure the night before. Now she knew her sister was crazy. Any girl who would knowingly and willingly give that up had to be mentally unsound. But she had not been idle either, nor selfish. She was a quick learner and had returned the favor as he directed her with his moans and shouts.
She sighed in contentment and closed her eyes again.
The second time she woke up she was met with Spike's worried gaze.
"Are you all right?" He asked.
She laughed lightly and put her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her, kissing him squarely on the mouth. She let him go and smiled up at him.
"I can honestly say that I have never felt better in my entire life."
His face lit up and he began to kiss her in earnest. They didn't leave the bedroom for several more hours.
She finally escaped long enough to take a shower. After she dressed in her own room, she wandered into the kitchen to the wonderful smells of frying bacon and scrambled eggs. She poured herself a large glass of orange juice and sat down at the island in the center of the kitchen, watching Spike be domestic. At times, she could almost swear he was human. He was stirring the eggs around with a fork in the frying pan and humming to some unknown tune in his head while dancing around on the balls of his feet. She hid her smile behind the glass of OJ.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door and both of them froze. They looked at each other in fear and then confusion. Who on earth would be knocking on Spike's door? Dawn got up and headed into the den. She peered through the peephole and was surprised to see the entire Scooby gang staring back at her. She opened the door and was nearly trampled by six people calling out Happy Birthday and singing loudly. She caught Spike's eye and shrugged at the look of absolute fury on his face. These people had violated his sanctuary and without his permission.
"Happy Birthday, Dawnie! The big sixteen! Want me to teach you how to drive?" Willow asked with excitement, grabbing the younger girls hands and bouncing up and down like a Cocker Spaniel puppy. Dawn just laughed as she was pulled to Xander next who gave her a big hug and then on to Giles and Buffy. Anya didn't do hugging with anyone except Xander so she patted Dawn awkwardly on the shoulder.
"What are you guys doing here?" Dawn asked when everyone had gotten their say and had settled down a little. She couldn't help but be nervous considering what she and Spike had been doing only an hour before and she wondered if Buffy could somehow tell that her little sister wasn't a virgin anymore. Dawn kept throwing furtive glances at her but Buffy seemed normal so she tried to relax. She supposed the one she should be worried about was Anya who seemed to have an uncanny ability to tell when someone had just had sex.
"We just wanted to be the first ones to say it and we're going to spend the whole day doing whatever you want." Tara said softly. Dawn could not stop the blush that spread into her cheeks or keep her eyes from finding Spike's.
He had a Cheshire grin on his face and was leaning casually against the wall knowing every thought that was running through her naughty little mind. She knew what she wanted to do all day and none of it involved the six people staring at her with expectant looks on their faces. And he had already told her Happy Birthday in the most extraordinary way.
"Wow. That's great you guys. Thank you so much." She didn't know how to bow out gracefully and they looked so happy at what they had proposed.
"So, let me finish getting ready and we can go." She said with false brightness. She got to her room before she let the smile slide from her face and she rubbed her sore cheeks. She nearly screamed when she turned and ran into Spike.
"Would you stop doing that?" She hissed. He shut the door and backed her into the wall to her right. Her hands rested against his hard chest as he leaned in to kiss her. After several minutes he finally let her breathe.
"Stay with me." He said against her brow as he dotted kissed there. Her body was already responding to his nearness and fevered request.
"You have no idea how much I want to but you saw them. How can I say no to that?" She asked, gesturing towards the den.
Spike hung his head but did not release her. He knew that whatever they had planned it did not involve him and even if he found a way to join them, he didn't want to share Dawn's time with anyone. The things he wanted to fill her time with would probably shock and mortify several of the occupants in his apartment. And he was pretty sure that if the Whelp knew what had already happened between him and Dawn he would try to kill Spike. Of this, the vampire was certain.
"Listen, it can't take too long. They'll get bored after a couple of hours and I'll be back. If not, then I know they have a surprise party planned at the Bronze tonight and I want you there whether they tell you about it or not. Okay?" She asked.
He stood up and released her from the wall.
"Okay."
"That's it? No 'Hell no you're not going with them and if they try to take you I'll rip 'em apart'?" She asked with mock indignation. That at least earned her a small grin. He left her alone to finish getting ready. Buffy was coming down the hall as he was shutting Dawn's door.
"Hey," she greeted him softly. They stood for several moments in uncomfortable silence.
"Listen, I just wanted to say that however you took what I said last night, I didn't mean..."
He didn't let her finish.
"It's okay, Slayer. I got halfway home and felt like a prat for overreacting. It's just a touchy subject."
She nodded and again there was silence.
"Ok, well we're having a surprise party for Dawn at the Bronze tonight and I know she'll want you to be there." When she realized the way that sounded she hurried to correct herself. "And the rest of us want you there too."
Spike couldn't help but give a short bark of laughter.
"Yeah, you never were a good liar, Slayer." He passed her and walked into the den.
***************************************
By five o'clock Dawn was exhausted. They had taken her to the mall and each of them had bought her something they thought she wanted. Buffy had paid for a salon to cut and style her hair and do a manicure. Xander, even though Dawn had protested loudly, had bought her a teddy bear. Willow got her a pair of jeans that Dawn had expressed a passing interest in and Tara had given her a beautiful crystal that was supposed to protect its owner. Giles had bought her a CD of Celtic music, which Dawn had just gotten into. Everyone got her something except for Anya who insisted that since she and Xander were a couple they were only obliged to buy one present. Then they took her to a movie and in the middle of all of it they went to lunch. She didn't want to say anything but it was major overkill. She could not remember once in her imaginary or real life all of them doing stuff together especially with Giles tagging along. He tried to feign interest but he was hopeless.
They never took her back to Spike's apartment. They kept her with them all day long and deposited her and Buffy back at the Summer's residence to get ready for the 'surprise party'. The minute she got to her room she picked up the phone and dialed Spike's number.
There was no answer. She couldn't help the disappointment that flooded her when his voice never came on the other end. She hoped he wasn't upset with her. She sighed and went to take a shower. After drying off and wrapping the towel firmly around her she went back to her room and flipped on the light. She gasped at the scene before her. The whole room was filled with flowers and not flowers in vases but flowers covering every surface of her room. There were lilies and tulips and thornless roses (at least she hoped so), daffodils, and twenty others she didn't know the names for and in the middle of her bed was the most beautiful dress she'd every seen. Midnight blue satin, it was tailored to hug her body and the back was scooped to expose the creamy skin there. Satin heels the same color sat on the floor and in a small box next to the dress there was a dark sapphire anklet.
She heard sharp intake of breath from behind her and turned to see Buffy's astonished face.
"My God, who did all this?" But then she realized what a ridiculous question that was. Spike, of course. Dawn knew her next question would be where he got the money for all this stuff.
"Where on earth did he get the money to do this?"
Bingo. She knew her big sister very well.
"Who cares? It's mine now." Dawn answered defiantly. Buffy moved into the room, flower petals sticking to the bottom of her bare feet and picked up the dress from the bed. The satin slid like milk between her fingers and she couldn't help the jealousy that threatened to spill out in a harsh comment to her sister. She bit her tongue so hard it brought tears to her eyes.
"It's beautiful, Dawnie. You're very lucky." Her voice sounded strange even to her. It's as if she weren't the one talking at all.
Dawn stood behind her sister and tried to quell the rage at Buffy's words. Very lucky? A few months ago it could have been her room overflowing with flowers if she'd only shown just a little hint of compassion to the heartbroken vampire.
"We'd better hurry or we're gonna be late." Buffy got out, throwing the dress carelessly on top of the comforter and walking quickly passed Dawn and down the hall where the slamming of her door shook the house.
Great. Now Buffy was pissed at her for no reason that was her fault. She let out huff of frustration and closed the door to get ready.
TBC